


We Were Infinite

by WolfstarPups90



Series: Infinite Verse [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Epic Friendship, Eventual Smut, Eventual Wolfstar - Freeform, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, Gryffindor, Hogwarts, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Moony Wormtail Padfoot and Prongs, Sirius and Remus relationship, Sirius/Remus - Freeform, jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2018-04-26 03:54:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 97
Words: 288,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4989265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfstarPups90/pseuds/WolfstarPups90
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Story of the Marauders from beginning to end. Their lives, loves, mischief and brotherhood. (Wolfstar and Jily heavily featured with smut in the later chapters. Largely told from Sirius' and Remus' points of view with everyone else mixed in at times.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning - Year One

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fic I have wanted to write for basically my entire life. Please be kind, I have not written in a very long time!

_Perhaps this is a bad idea._

_We can’t keep him here, he needs to be around others his own age. Other children Like Him, Hope._

_Like him? Lyall, they Won’t be like him. No one will be like him…Oh my poor boy…Can’t we just home school him?_

_Dumbledore has assured me that he will be safe, Hope. They’ve got everything figured out to accommodate his condition._

 

 Eleven year old Remus Lupin could hear his parents bickering in the kitchen. They thought he was asleep. He ought to be asleep at such a late hour of the night. But he couldn’t. Not because of his parents, who he knew were only concerned for his safety, but because he was too excited. Glancing at his alarm clock, he could see that it was 2:30 in the morning, and that meant that in only 6 and a half hours, he’d be on the train to Hogwarts. Him! A werewolf! Imagine that…

_What if someone finds out? Or worse! What if he hurts-_

_Hope! Don’t say things like that._

_Lyall, it’s a perfectly valid concern!_

 Remus frowned and turned on his other side, pulling his pillow over his ears and shutting his eyes tight. He himself had the same concerns as his mother, but he refused to think about it. He was going to Hogwarts. He was going to school like a normal boy his age. He was going to be normal.

_I just want to be normal…_

 

\--

“Remember Sirius, you are not normal. You are not average. You are above that. You are a Black and I expect you to be on your best behavior, is that understood?” Walburga spoke sternly as she stood, stone faced in front of her eldest son on the platform, awaiting the scarlet steam engine to arrive. Her son, Sirius, was a bored looking boy with shining black hair and stormy grey eyes who did not appear to be paying attention to his mother at all. Rather, he was making puffs of different colored smoke shoot out his brand new wand to amuse his younger brother, who was squealing with laughter.

“Mum! Mum I want to go to Hogwarts too! I want to get my wand, Mum! Siri, can’t I come with you?”

“Soon, Reg!” Sirius grinned. “Watch this-“

“Sirius Black, are you listening to me?” Walburga snapped, grabbing her eldest by the shoulder. “Stand upright and stop with your silly tomfoolery. I don’t want to hear about you causing any sort of havoc. You are representing The Noble-“

“ _And Most Ancient House Of Black,_ I _know_ Mother.” Sirius grumbled as he pulled away from her. He straightened up dramatically, like the muggle soldiers he had seen in London, the ones that wouldn’t move or smile. Once his mother turned her back, he winked at his brother and grinned. As the train pulled up, parents said their weepy goodbyes to their children. Sirius hugged his brother tight.

“I’ll see you during the Holiday Reggie. It will come quick, I promise.” And with a polite goodbye to his mother, Sirius grabbed his trunk and ran on board.

Rushing through the cars, he could feel all the pent up excitement he had kept buried inside of him since his letter had come in the mail. He had wanted to yell and jump and scream with joy, but that sort of behavior was frowned upon at The Ancient and Most Nobel House of Black.

“Sirius!” A familiar, drawling voice broke him out of his dizzy fit of glee and he stopped short, nearly stumbling on the trunk of the small pudgy boy in front of him that was making his way down the rows of compartments. Once again he straightened up slightly, bringing his shoulders back and lifting his chin slightly as he turned to face his cousins in the compartment to his right.

“Narcissa.” He nodded curtly to the older blonde sister. “Trixie.”

“Don’t call me Trixie!” whined the younger, dark haired girl. “I hate it when you call me that.”

“Well I hate it when you speak, but, here you are, screeching away.” Sirius smirked and leaned against the door. Bellatrix’s eyes narrowed and she opened her mouth to say something snarky in response but Narcissa interrupted.

“Sirius, I told Auntie Walburga I’d keep an eye on you,” she said, eyeing him with a look of slight disgust. As if it were a burden. “I’m a Prefect, after all.” She added, flipping her silvery blonde hair over her shoulder to show off the shining badge.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Really, Cissy I hadn’t heard that even one time this summer. ‘Oh Narcissa the prefect! How lovely! Oh Sirius why can’t you be more like your cousin!’”

Narcissa’s eyes narrowed. “You’d better not make any trouble, Sirius. If Slytherin loses the House Cup for the first time in five years because your behavior costs us points, you’ll be the disappointment of the family.”

“Oh, how awful.” Said Sirius, flatly. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to find a seat.”

 “Aren’t you going to sit with us?” Bellatrix asked in her shrill little voice. “Auntie Walburga said you were supposed to sit with us.”

Sirius looked around. “Funnily enough, I don’t see her here. Ta, ladies.” And before either of his cousins could object, he quickly bolted to the next car.

The train had already begun moving, and the compartments were already mostly full to Sirius’ dismay. He had decided that he would rather stand for the whole ride than go back to sit with his cousins. He was about to accept this as his unfortunate fate, when he came to an open door. This compartment wasn’t full. The pudgy boy he had almost run over earlier was talking animatedly, though in a hushed voice, with a lanky, bespectacled boy with messy black hair. And then there was another boy. A small, pale boy with auburn colored hair who seemed to be sleeping, slumped against the window. The boy with the glasses looked up and saw Sirius and smiled broadly.

“We’ve got room, if you’re looking.” He stood up as Sirius entered and reached out to shake his hand. “I’m James Potter. This here is Peter Pettigrew.”

“Sirius Black.”

“Black, eh?” James’ smile faltered a little and Peter gave an audible gasp. The other boy continued to snooze. “Shouldn’t you be sitting with your family? I reckoned you lot stuck together.”

Sirius frowned, slightly offended “What’s that supposed to mean?”

James looked embarrassed. “Sorry, mate. I didn’t mean…Sorry. You can still sit with us, if you’d like.” He sat back down beside Peter. Sirius didn’t sit, instead he let his eyes wander over to the sleeping boy. He looked ill. Sirius briefly wondered if he was contagious…maybe he should find another place to sit.

“Who’s that?” He asked.

James shrugged. “Dunno. Poor bloke must’ve had a rough night though. He’s out cold. Heavy sleeper.” Sirius eyed him for another moment before deciding he would take his chances. If he was sick, maybe he could catch it and get out of a few classes and explore the castle.

“So anyway,” James continued to Peter. “My whole family has been in Gryffindor for generations. So I’m a shoe in. Don’t be too nervous. I’m sure you’ll get into a good house with a good lot. It’s not like you’ll be sorted into Sly-“ he trailed off and looked at Sirius. “I mean, not that Slytherin is, y’know, always a bad thing or-“

“I’m not going to be a Slytherin.” Sirius stated, folding his arms.

“Oh,” Said both James and Peter.

“Sorry.” Said James, sheepishly. “It’s just that your whole family-“

“Well not me.” Sirius gritted his teeth.

Peter gave him a quizzical sort of look. “No offense, but…How d’you know?”

“I’ll tell them I don’t want to be.” Sirius insisted. But he hadn’t thought of that. How would he assure that?

James bit his lip. “Er…Sure, mate…Anyway, Pete, d’you want to see the photograph I got signed by Carlos Clodoaldo at the last cup?”

Sirius’ eyes lit up “You’re a Brazil fan, eh?”

 "Nah, Bulgaria. But Clodoaldo is a hell of a beater!”

“Yeah!”

“Anything from the trolley, boys?” Interrupted a plump woman pushing a cart of treats. All three boys jumped up off their seats, plunging their hands into their pockets and ordering as much sweets as they could afford. Still, the sickly looking boy didn’t budge. And as James and Peter sat back down with their loot of candy and cakes, Sirius pocketed a chocolate frog just in case the boy woke up.

The train came to a slow stop and everyone hustled to grab their belongings and hurry off the train. As James and Peter joined the rest of them, Sirius turned and gently nudged the sleeping boy.

“Hey…We’ve arrived.” Startled, the boy's eyes, which Sirius could now see were a bright, nearly inhuman amber color, flung open.

“Oh…I…Er…th-thanks…” the boy seemed flustered as he stood and collected his things. “Blimey, I was really out for that long, eh?”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah…You’re a heavy sleeper. You alright, then?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Thank you. I mean…for waking me up.” And with that the boy grabbed his things and darted out, disappearing into the crowd.

“Firs’ years!” Boomed a loud voice over the crowd of chattering students. “Firs’ years this way!” And they were lead, by what Sirius assumed must be a giant, out to the lake.

“Four to a boat! C’mon then.” Sirius climbed into into a boat and was joined almost instantly by his cousin Bellatrix, a boy with greasy hair and a long nose and a girl with red hair whom Sirius assumed had to be a Weasley. Everyone was mostly silent as the boats drifted across the dark lake. Until, finally, a loud gasp escaped from every single one of them as the castle came into sight.

“It’s beautiful!” gasped the red haired girl. “Severus, it’s the most incredible thing I have ever seen! Oh Tuney would love it!” her voice sounded sad.

“Don’t think about her, Lily.” Said the boy, Severus.

“I thought it’d be bigger,” Bellatrix quipped. “There’s no way there’s a basilisk hiding away in their like Lucius says.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You really believe everything that git says, Trix? You’re dumber than your sister.”

“ _Stop. Calling. Me. That_!”

“Oh shut up before I push you into the bloody lake and let the giant Squid get you…”

“There’s no giant Squid, Sirius. That’s ridicu—ooh!” As if on cue, a long tentacle emerged from the otherwise glassy water, waving lazily in the air before in disappeared once more.

If the view from the lake hadn’t been breathtaking enough, stepping into the castle was the most incredible thing any of them had ever seen. The excitement in the air was palpable as they chattered away, amazed at the moving staircases and suits of armor that surrounded them.

“So what house d’you reckon you’ll be sorted into?” James Potter was talking to the red head, Lily, that Sirius had shared a boat with.

“Oh, I’m not sure. “ She shrugged. “My family are all muggles, you see.”

“I know I’ll be sorted into Gryffindor,” said James proudly. “Where Dwell the Brave at Heart! Just like my dad! It’s the best house-“

The greasy haired boy beside Lily scoffed. “Only if you’d rather be brawny instead of brainy.”

“Where were you hoping to go, then?” Sirius smirked. “Seeing as you’re clearly neither.”

James howled with laughter and Lily grabbed the other boy.

“Come on, Severus.” And lead him away.

They all came to a hush as a stern looking witch with graying hair tied securely in a knot at the top of her head and small rectangular glasses that sat at the tip of her nose.

“Welcome first years,” She said, eyeing them all over the edge of her glasses. “I am Professor McGonagall. I am the Deputy Headmistress, Professor of Transfiguration and the head of Gryffindor House. The sorting is going to begin momentarily. Follow me.” She turned around, her long emerald robes sweeping behind her and the doors opened.

The first years gaped wildly at the enchanted night’s sky that the ceiling of the Great Hall portrayed and the floating candles. Some of them waved excitedly to siblings and family members in upper years as they slowly made their way to the front of the room where there stood a simple wooden stool with a lumpy, ancient looking wizard’s hat perched on top. Professor McGonagall once again addressed the first years;

“When I call your name, you will sit on the stool and try on the hat. When the hat announces your house, you will join your housemates at their tables.” She opened a long scroll of parchment.

“Avery, Killian” Whom Sirius recognized as one of his father’s friends’ son, was the first to be sorted, and the hat yelled “Slytherin!” after not even a moment atop the boys head.

“Beckwith, Davis” Became a Hufflepuff.

“Bellrose, Anastasia” was the first Ravenclaw.

“Black, Bellatrix!” Sirius cringed as his cousin, tiny in form but so very large in presence with her jittering energy, nearly shoved her way up front and clambered up onto the stool. The hat hardly touched her before shouting “Slytherin!” to which she squealed with joy and ran off to join her older sister. Which could only mean that next would be;

“Black, Sirius!”

There was a murmur throughout the Great Hall as some students craned their necks or even stood to get a look at the heir to the infamous Black fortune. Throwing his shoulders back and swallowing hard past the lump in his throat, Sirius walked up, sat on the stool and risked a look over at the Slytherin table where his cousins were scooting over to leave room for him. His stomach dropped as Professor McGonagall lowered the hat onto his head.

Unlike Bellatrix, the hat did not immediately call out a house assignment. Instead, Sirius heard a voice coming from deep inside his head;

“ _Well now, another Black. I’d have thought you’d be as easily placed as your cousins._ ”

 _I’m nothing like my cousins._ Sirius thought fiercely.

“ _Well I wouldn’t go that far_.” Said the voice. “ _I see a lot of ambition, and you’re certainly vey cunning, Mister Black. You’d be a star pupil for Slytherin.”_

 _NO!_ Sirius gritted his teeth so that he wouldn’t accidently say it out loud. _Not Slytherin. I’ll leave. I’ll run off. You can’t make me stay. I refuse._

“ _Rather hot headed, aren’t you? But I see loyalty in you, Sirius Black. And bravery. Yes…well then, I think I’ll put you in_ GRYFFINDOR!”

There was a loud gasp throughout the entire hall followed by a deathly silence and Sirius could feel the piercing cold glares of his cousins as he slid off the stool and headed to the table at the opposite end of the room. His footsteps seemed to echo in the shocked silence until;

“YEAH SIRIUS!” Shouted James Potter from the crowd. “YOU DID IT MATE!” And with that, the room erupted with cheers as they had for the other students. Grinning from ear to ear, Sirius slumped down with a great sigh of relief at the Gryffndor table and the sorting continued.

“Evans, Lily” Was called and the hat did not take long to announce that she too was a Gryffindor. She gracefully ran to the table, taking a seat across from Sirius and smiling broadly at her friend Severus, who did not look as pleased as she did.

“Flannigan, Declan” Became a Hufflepuff.

“Goyle, Robert.” Slytherin.

“McKinnon, Marleen” Gryffindor.

“Meadowes, Dorcas” Gryffindor.

“Norton, Joleen” Ravenclaw.

“Lupin, Remus!”

It was the sick looking boy from the train. Sirius couldn’t place what it was, but something about the boy intrigued him. The hat seemed to be taking it’s time with him as well, but after a few moments it shouted “GRYFFINDOR!” and Remus, looking quite stunned, made his way to the Gryffndor table and sat beside Sirius, looking down at his hands with wide, shocked eyes.

More students were sorted. Peter Pettigrew joined them at the Gryffindor table and the hat hardly touched the messy hair of James Potter before shouting that he too would be their housemate. James plopped himself on the other side of Sirius and clapped him firmly on the shoulder.

“Well done, mate. How’d you do it?”

“Dunno,” Sirius lied as Severus Snape was sorted into Slytherin. “Guess I’m just not cut out for Slytherin.”

James pulled a face as Snape joined the table at the other end of the hall.

“Better off.” He shook his head. “Hey Evans, that slimy git Snape is giving you a look. What’s his problem?”

Lily looked offended. “He happens to be my _friend_. And he’s only disappointed that we were sorted differently.”

“Might as well give up on that friendship,” James chided. “Now that he’s in with that lot.”

Lily’s bright green eyes flashed with anger. “I can be friends with whoever I see fit, Potter. No matter what house they are in.”

And with that, she stood and moved down the table to sit beside Marleen McKinnon and Dorcas Meadows.

James grinned broadly. “I reckon she fancies me.”

There was a soft chuckle from Sirius’ left side, and Remus Lupin, still staring intently down at his hands, quietly said “Imagine how she’d treat you if she hated you.”

Sirius barked with laughter and Peter snorted. James frowned, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“You’re the boy that was asleep on the train.”

The boy blushed slightly, which actually gave his cheeks a healthier looking glow.

“Er, yeah…I’m Remus. Remus Lupin.”

“James Potter,” he extended a hand to Remus who hesitated before accepting it, as if he had never had much human contact before. James went on with the introductions. “That’s Peter Pettigrew. And this here, at the Gryffindor table, believe it or not, is Sirius Black.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, but grinned and shook Remus’ hand. Remus blinked at him with those large, eerily bright eyes. “Sorry, er...Is that supposed to be a big deal?”

“He’s a _Black_.” Peter repeated. “No Black has ever been sorted into any house but Slytherin. The whole family is loaded too. D’you live in a castle Sirius? Is it bigger than this?”

Sirius raised an eyebrow and shook his head “No, don’t be ridiculous…I mean…it’s a mansion, sure…but not…not a castle…” he ran a hand nervously through his hair.

“Oh.” Said Remus. “Sorry. I was raised mostly around muggles, so…”

James looked thoughtful. “Lupin…That’s a Wizard name, though.”

Remus nodded. “Yeah, My dad is a wizard, but my mum is a muggle.” He looked like he didn’t want to talk much about his family or his home. Luckily for him, an old looking wizard with a long white beard had stepped up to the podium in front of the Great Hall.

“Welcome To Hogwarts! I am Headmaster Dumbledore. I just have a few announcements before we begin with our feast. To start, Mr Filch kindly asks that you refrain from using any dungbombs in the corridors,” his eyes twinkled. “And also would like to remind you all that fanged Frisbees are for outside use only.” There was a fit of laughter from some older Gryffindor students. “Also, we have planted a very rare, very dangerous tree on the grounds. The Whomping Willow is to be avoided at all costs, for it can and will break every bone in your body.”

“Why on earth would they put something so dangerous in the middle of a school ground?” Lily Evans hissed.

“Now then,” Dumbledore continued. “I’m sure you’re all itching to begin with our feast. Enjoy!” He waved his hand and the tabled, which had been completely empty, filled with all sorts of food. Chicken, ham, pork, steaks, veggies, potatoes, anything you could have imagined. Sirius, James and Peter began to pile food onto their plates as Professor McGonagall came up behind them.

“Mr. Lupin, would you come with me, please? Professor Dumbledore would like a word.” And Remus stood and followed her.

James watched them leave and shook his head. “Couldn’t have waited til he got some food in him? Poor bloke looks like he hasn’t eaten in months.”He didn’t seem too concerned though, as he stuffed more mashed potatoes into his mouth.

“Yeah…” Sirius agreed. Something about Remus Lupin was definitely off. But he shook it from his mind and put his focus back on his own grumbling stomach.

\--

“Ah, Mister Lupin.” Dumbledore smiled warmly as Remus entered the office, looking around the room with interest at all of the magical artifacts and books and portraits. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“It’s nice to see you too, Sir.” Remus replied politely. “And thank you, again…for letting me be here.”

Dumbledore frowned. “My dear boy, it’s your birthright to be here.”

“Well…I mean…perhaps if I wasn’t a…well, you know…” Remus looked down shamefully.

“Remus, listen to me.” Dumbledore said, leaning over his desk, blue eyes gleaming kindly. “You are not your condition. And you have every right to be here. You do not have to thank me. I have faith that you will be one of Hogwarts’ best students.” He winked, sitting back in his chair. “However, we do need to talk about your safety, of course. I promised your father I would do everything in my power to make sure you are protected and that no one figures out your secret.”

Something about the look in Dumbledore’s eyes made Remus feel safe, and he nodded smiling back at the old wizard.

“Now then, Professor McGonagall will introduce you to Madam Pomfrey, our healer and they will show you where you will be spending the nights of the full moon. I promise you, Remus, this will work. I think you’ll be very happy here.”

Remus nodded and stood. “Thank you, Professor.”

He turned to leave with Professor McGonagall.

“And Remus,” Dumbledore added. “Yes Professor?” Dumbledore smiled. “Make friends. They will be your greatest strength, I assure you.”

Remus’ smile faltered slightly. It seemed that Dumbledore knew that Remus had planned to get through school with his nose in a book, flying completely under the radar.

“I…I’ll try, Professor.”

By the time Remus finally made it up to his new home in Gryffindor tower, it was very late. Most of the other students had already gone to bed. Remus was careful to be extra quiet as he entered the first year boys’ dormitory and made his way to the vacant bed that clearly belonged to him. Exhausted, he pulled off his jumper, glad that his bunk mates were asleep and could not see the scars that littered his body. He changed into his pajamas and climbed into bed when he heard the crinkling sound of foil beneath his pillow. Lifting it, he found a solitary chocolate frog and a note scribbled messily on a scrap of parchment;

_Thought you might be hungry. – Sirius_


	2. Howlers and Forgetfulness - Year One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sod off, Narcissa." He stood up, fists clenched at his sides and holding his head high. "I don't care if I embarrassed the family, I don't care if I get bloody disowned, even! The Sorting Hat put me in Gryffindor, and that's where I'm going to stay. I'd love to see mother try to change that. Besides, you should be happy! Now you won't have to keep an eye on me!"

 

Sirius woke up earlier than he ever had before. Never much of a morning person, he chalked it up to pure excitement and swung his legs over the edge of his bed. He stood and stretched, walking across the dorm to the window and gazing out at the incredible view, he felt a surge of pure child-like glee. He had done it. He was free from his family, at least while at school, and there was nothing his parents or any one else could do about it. 

 Being up so early did have it's perks, he thought as he made his way to the bathroom. At least he wouldn't have to wait for a shower. However, as he entered the room, he could hear the water running and it was already filled with steam. Sirius frowned. All of the other beds still had had their curtains drawn and he assumed that everyone was still sleeping. 

"Er...Hello?" He called out. 

The water shut off almost instantly and there was a quiet mutter of "Shite." 

"Sorry. I figured everyone else was still asleep." Sirius apologized.

"Th-That's okay...Er, I'm nearly done anyway. Just...Hold on." The timid voice of Remus Lupin answered back. Sirius got the idea that Remus didn't want him to see him just out of the shower. He guessed Remus must be an only child and maybe wasn't use to other people seeing him without clothes, so he turned to face away from the stalls. 

"S'alright...I'm not looking or anything..." 

"Thanks." This time Remus' voice was closer. "You can turn around now." 

Sirius turned. Remus was fully dressed and using a towel to dry his hair. Sirius noticed once more how thin and pale he was. "You're up early." 

"So are you." Remus shrugged. 

"Touche." Sirius smirked. "I guess I was just excited. I'm not a morning person, normally."

Remus began setting up his toothbrush. "I love mornings." he said simply.

Sirius stood awkwardly and watched as his roommate brushed his teeth. When Remus finished, he gave Sirius a small smile. "See you at breakfast, then?"

Sirius smiled back. "Yeah see you."

Remus left and Sirius went about his morning ritual. By the time he was out of the shower, James, Peter and their fifth roommate Frank Longbottom were already up, talking excitedly about which classes they thought would be the best. But Lupin was nowhere to be found.

"Strange kid," James said when Sirius inquired to where there roommate may be. "He just grabbed his bags and left. He didn't say a word to anyone."

One by one they showered and dressed and together they made their way down to the Great Hall for breakfast. The smell of pancakes and bacon and pastries filled the air and Sirius' mouth watered. James and Peter were seeing who could finish a stack of 6 pancakes faster, and Remus , who was there by the time the rest of them finally made their way down, was nibbling on some toast with his nose deep in a book when suddenly the sound of fluttering wings filled the air. All around them packages and parcels and letters were dropped in front of students. Gifts and prizes from proud parents who had received word of their children's sorting. James' parents had written a long letter of praise to their son, Peter's mother had sent a card along with a few items of clothing he had forgotten to pack and even Remus' parents sent him a rather delicious smelling plate of freshly baked brownies. Sirius nearly choked on his bacon when a thick red envelope dropped unceremoniously into his eggs. "Bloody shite..." he swore under his breath.

James heard him and looked over his shoulder. "'Ad 'uck, dere 'ate." He said around mouthfulls of pancakes. He swallowed hard. "Better open it."

"What's wrong?" Asked Lily Evans. "What is it?"

"That's a Howler," Said Marlene McKinnon. "Wow Black, what'd you do?"

"I was born, basically..." Sirius muttered, biting his lip. To wait would only make things worse. He couldn't believe he had actually thought for a moment that this would go smoothly. With a heavy sigh, he accepted his fate and ripped the envelope open; "SIRIUS ORION BLACK!" The hall went dead silent as Walburga Black's voice boomed. "NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I BEEN SO ASHAMED! GENERATIONS OF BLACKS HAVE BEEN SORTED INTO SLYTHERIN AND _MY SON, THE HEIR,_ IS PLACED IN  _GRYFFINDOR!_   LIVING WITH MUDBLOODS AND BLOOD TRAITORS! MARK MY WORDS SIRIUS, YOU WILL NOT BE SPENDING ANOTHER NIGHT AS A GRYFFINDOR! YOUR FATHER WILL BE HAVING A WORD WITH DUMBLEDORE! YOU WILL BE A SLYTHERIN LIKE THE REST OF YOUR FAMILY OR WE WILL DRAG YOU BY YOUR EARS TO DURMSTRANG!" 

With a puff of smoke, the howler fizzled out into a pile of ash and Sirius felt hundreds of pairs of eyes on him. He wanted to run. He wanted to hide. But instead he took a deep breath and said "Hey Pete, could you pass the pumpkin juice?" 

 Slowly the students went back to their chatter and Sirius was grateful for when the Head Boy and Girl came around to pass out their schedules.

"Potions with the Slytherins, first class." James groaned. "What a way to start the school year." 

Sirius shrugged "The way I see it, it's just a way to mess with them. add a few extra spider legs when they arent looking and make the whole bloody cauldron overflow." he grinned.

"Brilliant, Sirius!" James laughed.

"Actually," Said Remus, clearly lost in a daze of thought and laughing quietly to himself "Hmmm..."

James and Sirius stared at him. "What?"

Remus looked back down at his plate. "Never mind."

James turned to Sirius, twisting index finger around his ear, insinuating that Lupin was crazy. Sirius couldn't really argue, and even if he wanted to suddenly there was a lanky, looming shadow over him. Slowly he turned around to face his cousin Narcissa who's eyes were piercing into him with a cold smile.

Beside her was Bellatrix, arms folded and wearing the most satisfied, smug grin Sirius had ever had the misfortune to see. "That was quite a show, Sirius." The blonde sister drawled. "I admit, I expected you to embarrass the family name, but I never thought it would happen so quickly!"she gave a sinister sort of laugh that her younger sister mimicked, making Sirius feel like he may actually throw up.

"Sod off, Narcissa." He stood up, fists clenched at his sides and holding his head high. He was aware that everyone was watching, but if anything that only fueled his fire. "I don't care if I embarrassed the family, I don't care if I get bloody disowned, even! The Sorting Hat put me in Gryffindor, and that's where I'm going to stay. I'd love to see mother try to change that. Besides, you should be happy! Now you won't have to keep an eye on me!"

Narcissa shook her head. "Oh Sirius, one day you'll see just how very damaging your rebellious behavior is. You want to keep pretending you aren't who you are? Go ahead. But you'll wind up all alone."

And then James was on his feet. "He isn't alone."

Narcissa scoffed. "Real nice. So he'll leave his family behind for a blood traitor like you, Potter?" Her eyes flashed with mirth. "Don't get too comfortable, Sirius. You forget just how powerful our family really is. If they don't want you in Gryffindor, you can bet you won't be there, or even at Hogwarts, for very long..." she turned on her heel. "Come, Bella." and the two sisters strode off.

"Don't let them get to you, Sirius." Said James, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You're better than them."

"But what if I'm not?" Sirius muttered miserable, sinking back into his seat. "What if she's right? I'm just pretending to not be who I really am..."

"Then the hat wouldn't have put you here." Said Remus, finally looking up from his book. And then the bell for class rang.

\--

"Welcome to Potions!" Beamed Professor Slughorn. "Now, you've all been paired up... It's great to see some faces I recognize! I've had many of your older siblings and family members before! Ahh, Miss McKinnon! How is your sister, my dear? One of my best students!"

Marlene smiled brightly back. "She's studying to be a healer!"

"How wonderful! She was always very good with her healing draughts!" He gazed around the room. "Bellatrix, I know you of course and Sirius! I must say I was slightly disappointed to not have you in Slytherin!"

Sirius, who was sitting towards the back of the room and sharing a cauldron with a sullen looking girl named Drizzella Drum, scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I'm sure it's a real loss." he muttered.

After about ten minutes more of introduction, they were instructed to open their texts and attempt to brew a forgetfulness potion. James, who was paired with a Slytherin boy that had the forehead of a troll, and smelled like one too, leaned over his cauldron to whisper "Still want to make a mess of these potions?"

Sirius grinned. "Yeah."

They both caught Peter's eye, who was paired with Avery and was looking rather terrified. He probably wouldn't be much help. Sirius quickly read through the instructions of his potion."an extra pinch of Lethe River Water should be enough to make them boil over." he muttered to James, who quietly voiced his agreement.

In front of Sirius, and unfortunately paired with Bellatrix, Remus Lupin shook his head and scribbled something on a piece of paper, which he passed silently back to Sirius.

_An extra half of a mistletoe berry. ONLY HALF. Trust me._

Sirius frowned and passed the note to James who just shrugged.   


They brewed the potion as instructed. As Drizzella added the berries and turned back to her notes, Sirius casually flicked an extra half into the cauldron. 

"Step back." Remus hissed from the row ahead. And Sirius and James did. There was a quiet rumble at first. Drizzella frowned and looked into the cauldron. "Professor? I think something is wro-OH!" 

All at once, Sirius', James' and to their surprise, Remus' cauldrons erupted, shooting bright purple potion into the air.

"TAKE COVER!" Slughorn shouted, and most of the students ducked beneath their desks. 

When the fountains of Forgetfulness Potion seemed to finally subside, Professor Slughorn told them it was safe to emerge from their hideouts. "I think we'd better wrap this class up for the day...All students who were not directly in contact with the potion, you're dismissed...Miss Drum, Mr McMahon, Miss Black, you'd better stay here so I can fix you the antidote..."

"Who?" Inquired Bellatrix, staring at Slughorn with confusion making her already wild eyes look even crazier. 

"You, Miss Black," Slughorn sighed. "You've been in contact with a Forgetfulness Potion."

The unaffected students filed slowly out of the classroom, careful not to catch any falling drops on potion. Remus had had the sense to put his text book over his head like a hat, and strutted carelessly out into the hall with James, Sirius and Peter following suit. 

\--

Once they were a safe distance from the classroom or any Slytherins, the three boys surrounded Remus. 

"That was bloody brilliant, Lupin!" James grinned. "We just wanted to cause a minor inconvenience, but that...truly inspiring! 

"How'd you know adding the extra berry would do that?" Peter asked, his eyes aglow with amazement and curiosity. 

Remus blushed lightly and wiped off his potions book with his sleeve. "My dad likes to tinker around with different potions and spells sometimes...and I read a lot, I suppose." This was true. His dad did often mess around with potions and spells, trying to find a cure for Remus. Nothing ever worked, of course. He put his book back into his bag and began to walk off, only to have the other three boys follow closely behind.  

"Where are you going?" asked Sirius.

Remus turned and stared blankly at Sirius. "I...er...I dunno. I was going to maybe study out by the lake, I suppose..."

"Well, would you like some company, mate?" James grinned. "I'd love to know what other tricks you've got in your loopy little brain." he playfully ruffled Remus' hair. Remus looked unsure, however. He had never any friends his age. They had moved so many times when he was young so that no one would be suspicious of his strange behavior, and although his parents loved him very much, he had experienced very little human contact in his short life. 

Sirius seemed to pick up on his social anxiety though. "It's totally fine if you'd rather be alone." he assured him. "But we're going to play some exploding snap up in the dorm if you'd like to join us." 

Remus chewed his bottom lip nervously as he watched his housemates walk down the corridor, chatting excitedly and making fun of Bellatrix Black's confused expression...He heard Dumbledore's voice in his head;  _Remus, try to make some friends. They will be your greatest strength._

_  
_

_"_ H-Hey! Wait!" The three boys turned around and Remus ran to catch up with them. As they made their way back to Gryffindor Tower, Remus timidly asked. "So how do you play exploding snap anyway?"

  


  



	3. We've all got our demons - Year One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I just feel like no matter what I do, I'm still a Black. And I still have this darkness in me...no matter how hard I try to fight it, it'll end up coming out anyway. Like some sort of demon or something..." he sighed. "That probably sounds really stupid." 
> 
> "Actually, no." Remus said, smiling slightly. "We've all got our demons, Sirius."
> 
> \---------------------------------------------------------

Remus Lupin had never before felt like a normal child. But as the first few weeks of school flew by, he found himself nearly forgetting the voice in the back of his head that mockingly whispered  _You're a monster._

 And what was more, he had _friends._  

James Potter, although slightly obnoxious and arrogant at times, was already proving to be an exceptionally talented and smart wizard, if not just a tad lazy. Growing up in a very wealthy and respected pureblood family, it was only natural that James easily excelled in nearly every class. He was also very funny, Remus found, once you got past his ego. James seemed to feel the need to make everyone around him laugh, and he often succeeded. In fact, the only person who didn't tend to find him funny was Lily Evans, but James only seemed to take this as a personal challenge. If Lily was around, you could guarantee that James was going to find a way to make himself the center of attention. He also had a habit of messing with his hair. A habit that they all found slightly ironic since his family's wealth came largely due to the invention of a potion meant for taming unruly hair. Remus wondered if it was some sort of rebellion on James' part, in some strange way.

The only person that seemed to match James' large personality was Sirius Black. Actually, the two of them seemed to thrive off each other and although they had only just met, Remus would have believed them to be brothers. Sirius, however, did not need to _try_   to capture anyone's attention. Easily the most popular among the female students in their year (and even some older girls), Sirius Black seemed to naturally shine as bright as the star he was named for. Even the teachers couldn't help but fall for his charming smile. The only flaw that Remus could find in Sirius was his temper. Especially when dealing with matters of blood and family, Sirius' anger seemed to get the best of him. In just the first three weeks of school, James, Peter and Remus had pulled Sirius away from what could have ended up being a nasty fist fight with a second year Slytherin.

 It was just after breakfast one Saturday morning and Sirius had received a letter from his younger brother, who was excited to hear about Hogwarts regardless of what house he had been sorted into. As they walked back to Gryffindor tower, Sirius spoke fondly of Regulus, telling the other three boys how relieved he was that his parents had yet to corrupt his sibling's innocent mind. A group of Slytherins happened to have overheard. 

"Just wait til next year Black," The older boy sneered. "Once Regulus sees what an embarrassment you really are, you can bet he won't want anything to do with you either."

Sirius' fists clenched at his side and Remus was surprised that his neck didn't snap when he turned to face the Slytherins. "Bugger off, Lestrange."

"You're pathetic. Got the world handed to you on a silver platter, and you're throwing it away to hang around blood traitors and mudbloods. You're a disgrace. Regulus deserves a better-"

With an angry cry, Sirius was on top of Lestrange, and James, Peter and Remus were instantly trying to drag him off without being hit by his flying fists.

"You should have let me fight him." Sirius argued once they were back in the common room. "I could've taken him."

"He's twice your size." Remus reasoned with him.

"Size doesn't matter, the oaf didn't see Sirius coming at him." Peter grinned. Peter already idolized both Sirius and James, Remus noticed. And Sirius and James knew it, and loved it. If no one else was there to feed their egos, Peter was. Remus' only concern was that the two raven haired boys underestimated the smaller, chubbier boy. Peter was also very funny, but not in the loud way that commanded everyone's attention like the dynamic duo that was James Potter and Sirius Black. Peter's humor was more subtle and consisted of sarcastic side comments muttered under his breath that sometimes only Remus heard.

"Maybe," Remus said. "But still, you wouldn't want to go getting yourself in trouble this early on, would you?"

Sirius sighed, flopping down on one of the overstuffed chairs. "I guess not."

"Don't let him get to you, Mate." James added, clapping Sirius on the shoulder. After that, Sirius seemed to bounce back. He was good at that. No matter what was bothering him or how angry he seemed one moment, the next moment he was laughing and goofing off. Remus admired him for that. Remus admired all of his new friends, and he was happy to have them.

_Until they find out what you really are._

With the full moon just one night away, Remus found himself tossing and turning in bed while the others slept. He struggled to fight off the voice that called him out for what he was. Perhaps if he had been able to ignore it, he would have been asleep by now and he wouldn't have heard the muffled sounds coming from the dark dormitory. 

Peeking his head out from behind the curtains of his four poster, Remus listened carefully. Had he imagined it? It sounded like someone was... _Crying?_

Tiptoeing across the room, Remus was careful not to wake Peter, James or Frank. "Sirius?" he whispered, and the noise stopped. Remus frowned and slowly pulled back the curtains on the other boy's bed. 

"Shite," Sirius swore quietly, wiping furiously at his face. 

Remus felt instantly guilty. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you...I just...I won't tell anyone." 

Sirius sniffled and sat back against his headboard. "Nah...s'alright. I shouldn't be blubbering like a bloody infant anyway." he looked up at Remus through puffy bloodshot eyes. "You probably think I'm completely pathetic." he forced a laugh. 

Remus shook his head. "I don't..." he shifted awkwardly, his bones beginning to ache with the familiar pain of the upcoming moon. 

Sirius gave him a concerned look "Why are you up? You look like you're going to fall over." 

"I'm alright." 

"Here, sit." Sirius insisted, moving over. Remus considered him for a moment before taking him up on the offer. They both sat in an awkward silence, the only noise was Peter's snoring and the occasional hiccup from Sirius, who tried to cover them with coughs. 

"It must be hard, with your family expecting so much from you." Remus offered. 

Sirius shook his head. "It's not how much they expect, it's what they expect. They say there's going to be changes coming to the Wizarding World...That there's someone out there that's going to rid the world of witches and wizards who aren't  _pure_...They reckon I should think that way too..." he covered a sob with another cough. "I've never been what they wanted me to be...but they're my  _parents._ Shouldn't I want to make them happy?" 

Remus shook his head. "Not if what makes them happy is wrong. Maybe you're just a better person." 

"But what if I'm not a better person?" 

"You wouldn't be upset over it if you weren't." 

"I just feel like no matter what I do, I'm still a Black. And I still have this darkness in me...no matter how hard I try to fight it, it'll end up coming out anyway. Like some sort of demon or something..." he sighed. "That probably sounds really stupid." 

"Actually, no." Remus said, smiling slightly. "We've all got our demons, Sirius." 

 

\--

 

Neither of them spoke about what had happened the following day. In fact, they hardly spoke at all because Remus was nowhere to be found. 

"I heard his mum's sick." Said Peter, between bites of sausage. 

"Why didn't he say anything?" Sirius wondered out loud. 

"He left in a bit of a hurry. You were still asleep." said James. "You alright by the way? Your eyes are all red." 

"Yeah...allergies." 

James and Peter exchanged a disbelieving sort of look. 

"I'm allergic to, dust!" Sirius insisted. "Listen, it doesn't matter. I just wish Remus would've said something about having a sick mum, that's all." 

James shrugged. "It's his own business, Sirius. Leave it be. If he wants to talk about it when he comes back I'm sure he will." 

 Sirius muttered some sort of agreement and picked at his eggs.

 

Remus didn't return for two whole days, and when he did he looked more sickly then ever. He climbed slowly through the portrait hole that Monday evening after the rest of them had gotten out of Charms class. Lily got to him before anyone else. 

"Remus! I took notes in class for you. How's your mum?" 

"Thanks, Lily. She's feeling much better." 

"I heard she's very ill, I'm so sorry." 

"Oh...It's alright, really. Thanks for taking notes for me." Remus said hurriedly. 

Lily looked concerned. "You don't look so well yourself, Remus. Maybe you should go to the hospital wing?" 

"I'm just tired." 

"Are you sure-"

"He said he's just tired, Evans." James interjected from his seat by the fireplace where he and Peter were playing chess. Sirius was looking over Peter's shoulder trying to help him. "Merlin's socks, would you let the man get through the doorway before you pester him to death?"

"I was only asking because he doesn't look well! I don't see you acting concerned and he's  _your_ friend!"

"Of course we're concerned." said James. "Oy, Remus! Alright, mate?" 

Remus smiled. "Fine, James."

"See Evans? He's fine. Now leave him be." 

Lily huffed and marched off with Marlene and Dorcas and Remus visibly relaxed. Without a word to the other boys, he headed straight up to the dormitory. 

"He really doesn't look well." Peter commented. "I mean, he always looks a little off. But he looks like he's been through the mill." 

 "I've said it before and I'll say it again," James sighed. "He's an odd kid....Checkmate." 

 


	4. Halloween 1971- Year One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James wanted something big. He wanted this prank to be something everyone would remember. Peter wanted something scary.  
> "Halloween should be scary."  
> Sirius agreed with Peter. "It should send everyone screaming," He grinned. "Knock those Slytherins off their High Horse, you know?"  
> Remus wanted it to be impressive. And Sirius unintentionally had just given him the perfect idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the wait. I was very busy this weekend and I also hit a bit of writers block, but here it is!  
> I have to admit, as much as I love writing the Marauders as cute innocent little firsties, I am getting so impatient! I want them to grow up so I can make Sirius and Remus be in love and stuff! It's going to take a while though. *sigh*  
> Anyway, here we go....

James Potter plopped himself down on the sofa between Remus and Peter one afternoon in mid October.

"Lads, I want to plan something big for Halloween." He announced.

Remus did not look up from Peter's Defense Against The Dark Arts paper he had been proof reading. "Like a party?" he asked.

"No, no...Bigger than that. I want something the whole school will remember." With a mischievous glint in his eye he ruffled up his hair. "I want to prank everyone."

Sirius threw his own paper down with a big grin. "I'm in. What did you have in mind, Potter?"

"Not sure," his hazel eyes adopted a look of innocence as he glanced at Remus. "But I seem to recall that _someone_ here has quite a creative little mind." 

This time Remus did look up. "Me?" He blinked. 

"Of course you, you bloody little genius!" 

Remus sighed. "I don't know, James." 

"Aw, come on Rem." Sirius said, bringing his lips to a pout and giving his best impression of a begging puppy with his eyes. 

"The thing is," Remus bit his lip. "I don't know if I'll even be here on Halloween. I have to visit my mum-" 

"Again?" Whined Peter. "But you were only just there last month." 

"She's very ill, you see-" 

"What's she got?" Sirius asked. 

Remus blinked up at him. "What?" 

"Your mum. I know she's ill, but what does she have?" 

A flood of emotions seemed to wash over Remus' face from panicked to angry. He took a deep breath in and set Peter's paper down. "I'll help you plan something. But I can't promise I'll be here." 

 Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but James stomped on his foot. 

"Ow!"

 "That's fine, Remus. Thank you."

The next few weeks were spent carefully planning their elaborate Halloween prank and James, Sirius and Peter were increasingly impressed with the outrageous things that came out of their usually quiet and reserved roommate. The days flew and Halloween drew closer and closer. The boys would stay up until all hours of the night , huddled up on one of their beds. James wanted something big. He wanted this prank to be something everyone would remember. Peter wanted something scary.

"Halloween should be scary." 

 Sirius agreed with Peter. "It should send everyone screaming," He grinned. "Knock those Slytherins off their High Horse, you know?" 

Remus wanted it to be impressive. And Sirius unintentionally had just given him the perfect idea. 

Three days before Halloween, Remus was all set to leave.

 "You've all been practicing your transfiguration spells that I showed you. You'll be just fine without me." He assured them, exhaustion already present in his voice and face.

"You're better at them though." Sirius grumbled, moodily. "Can't you wait til after Halloween to go home?" 

 "I'm sorry," Remus said. Truly he was, he was actually quite sad to be missing it. "I really need to go." 

"I'm not so sure you even _should_ go," James said. "You're looking a tad under the weather again. You can't be much help to your mum if you're sick too." 

 Remus shook his head. "I'm just stressed, that's all. Worried about her and up late planning this...It's just been a lot on top of school work. I promise, I'm alright." He gathered up his things. "I have every faith in you. It'll be great. We've already convinced Peeves to help, the rest is just getting the spells right." And he left.

The day of October thirty-first seemed to drag as James, Sirius and Peter awaited the feast that evening. James was practically bursting with excitement, sitting under a tree by the lake and finalizing their plans. 

"Tonight we begin our legacy as the greatest pranksters that Hogwarts has ever seen!" He announced proudly. 

 "How exactly are we supposed to create a legacy while simultaneously not getting caught and put in detention?" Peter asked, raising an eyebrow at James.

"Caught doing what?"

The three boys looked up at Lily Evans, who was walking by with Severus Snape.

James rolled his eyes. "Nothing, Evans."

The redhead's eyes narrowed on him. "What are you three up to?"

 "Enjoying this brisk autumn day, same as you and Snivellus, there." Sirius said in his most nonchalant voice. 

Severus glared. "I'd be careful, Black. Wouldn't want mummy and daddy hearing that you're causing trouble. They'll pull you straight out of school." 

Sirius reached for his wand but James stopped him. "Easy, mate." 

"Let's go, Severus." Lily said, taking Snape by the sleeve and leading him away. 

James ran a hand through his hair. "Dunno why she hangs out with that slimy git." 

"Dunno why you care," Sirius muttered. "She's bloody annoying." He leaned against the tree and smirked. "Anyway, I stopped Peeves this morning down by Filch's office to make sure he was still down to help us tonight."

"This is going to be so awesome." Peter grinned. 

 "Still wish Remus was going to be here though." Sirius sighed, and the others agreed. 

 

\-- 

 

"Madam Pomfrey, I swear I'm feeling alright." Remus had been eagerly trying to convince the nurse all day, but she was not so easily swayed. 

 "Mister Lupin, you're still running a fever and you haven't eaten in a day and a half. You're not going anywhere." She said as she fussed over his bandages. 

"But isn't that even more of a reason I should go to the Halloween feast?" He tried to keep from sounding overly hopeful. 

 Pomfrey sighed. "Remus, dear, I know you'd like to be at the feast tonight but you really need to rest. Now finish up your potion and try to eat some soup, will you?" 

Remus quickly downed the goblet of icky green liquid and accepted the bowl of soup that Pomfrey had been trying to get him to eat all day. "See? All better. Please can I go? I'll go right to bed after, I promise." 

"No." Said the witch sternly, and Remus laid back down against the stark white pillows of the infirmary and stared at the ceiling in defeat. 

 

\-- 

 

"James, honestly you look like you're going to explode. You need to calm down or everyone's going to know we're up to something." 

 "Shove it, Sirius. You're excited too." 

"But I don't look like I'm going to wet myself." 

 "...Wait, we're going to eat first and then pull this off, yeah?" 

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Of course we are, Peter. Wouldn't want you dropping of starvation now, would we?"

 "I have low blood sugar!" Peter defended. "And all this planning has just...it's made me hungry, alright? And I don't want to miss my first Halloween feast here, do you?" 

"He's got a point." James admitted. They were standing just outside the Great Hall where the rest of the students and teachers were already preparing to enjoy the festivities. "Yeah, we'll eat first, Pete, no worries." Peter sighed with relief. "Alright then, mates. Act casual. We're not planning a single thing!" 

Sirius snorted, "Then wipe that shit eating grin off your face, Potter. You might as well write 'Guilty' across your forehead." 

"Shut up, Black!"

 "Sorry, I get snippy when I'm nervous." Sirius admitted with a slightly uncharacteristic bashfulness. 

"Couldn't tell." Muttered Peter. 

 "Alright, enough. Let's go before someone comes by and sees us." Said James, and they entered the hall and took their seats among their fellow Gryffindors. The Great Hall was decorated festively with giant jack-O-lanterns replacing the candles that usually floated above their heads and enchanted skeletons that danced around the tables where they all sat. Black and purple curtains hung along the walls and every so often a giant pretend spider would scamper across them.

Peter was certainly right about not wanting to miss the big Halloween Feast. It truly would have been a shame to have not been able to enjoy the vast spread of deliciousness that appeared before them. 

"James, tell your bloody girlfriend to stop staring at us." Sirius hissed, helping himself to a third serving of potatoes. Sure enough, Lily Evans was giving them all a suspicious glare.

"She's not my girlfriend!" 

 "Oy Evans, You see something you like?" Sirius asked with snark dripping from his voice. 

"Not particularly, Black." Lily responded, feigning a sweet innocence as Marlene and Dorcas giggled beside her. 

 "Well then would you care to explain why your staring, if not just to see my pretty face?" Sirius said with a grin and a wink at the other girls, who continued to giggle.

"I know you lot are up to something." Lily said flatly, ignoring her friends.

 "You don't know a thing, Evans." James smirked as the plates from dinner cleared on their own and were replaced with cakes and cookies and sweets. Under the table, Sirius' wand was out. It was almost time, if only Lily Evans would stop pestering them. 

Just then, there was a loud crack of thunder as the enchanted ceiling's clear night sky clouded over and lightening flashed across it. All the chatter in the hall stopped immediately and the sound of cackling laughter echoed throughout the room. Above them, the Jack-O-Lanterns began to slowly change positions, coming together to form something massive. 

James, Sirius and Peter all exchanged looks of utter confusion. 

The skeletons that had been waltzing around them were also changing and the curtains ripped themselves from the walls and flew over the crowd of students. Together the decorations had formed a giant shadowed figure of The Headless Horseman. Students screamed as the horse reared back and galloped overhead and some even took cover underneath their tables, including, to Sirius' great pleasure, Bellatrix and some other Slytherins. 

And finally, with a piercing whinny, the horse and its rider exploded into hundreds red and gold sparks against the once again clear enchanted night sky of the ceiling. 

After a moment of stunned silence, the Great Hall erupted into laughter and applauds from everyone except James, Sirius and Peter, who were gaping at each other in shock.

"Alright, mates?" came a voice from behind them, making them jump.

"Remus!?" 

 Grinning, Remus sat down. "Quite a show," he said mildly. "Pass the pumpkin pie, will you James?" 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Special thanks to my friend Chan for the idea for the Headless Horseman prank idea!**


	5. scars - Year One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James rounded on Sirius, "Why are you so stuck on this?" 
> 
> Sirius shrugged. "Dunno. It's just weird, is all...He never mentions his mum until he suddenly needs to go home." 
> 
> "Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it." James said pointedly as he pushed his glasses up his nose.

"What you boys pulled at the feast tonight was incredibly disrespectful, not to mention potentially dangerous. I have no choice but to give all four of you detention." Professor Mcgonagall's nostrils flared as she gazed down at the four students who sat before her in her office. "I am extremely disappointed."

"Yes Professor." The boys mumbled.

"Realistically I should deduct points from each of you as well," She went on. "However, I must admit that I am not keen on the idea of losing the house cup for a sixth year in a row. But I am letting all of you off with a warning!"

"Thank you, Professor." Remus said, as the only one not grinning like a fool.

Professor Mcgonagall pursed her lips, "Don't make me regret the decision. You may go. But I will see all four of you every night this week for detention."

They walked back to Gryffindor tower feeling prouder than they had the night before.

"So worth a week of detention!" James declared. "Remus, you really are a complete utter genius."

Remus smiled modestly. "Well it wasn't all me..."

"You pulled it off," Peter said. "It really was mostly you."

"Only because you lot were being watched. I'm just glad I got there in time."

"So how's your mum feeling?" Sirius asked.

"She's alright." Remus answered shortly

 "Is she getting any better?"

"I...It's not exactly that simple, Sirius... _Cor Fortium."_ The portrait swung open and they all climbed through.

 "Why doesn't your dad just bring her to St. Mungos?" Sirius pried as he dropped down into one of the chairs by the fireplace. 

"She's a muggle." 

"Then to one of those muggle healers, then-" 

"Doctors, Sirius." 

 "Yes. That." 

"Sirius," Remus snapped angrily, in a way that none of them had ever heard from him before. Sirius stared at him, wide eyed. 

Taking a deep breath in, the smaller boy tried to relax himself before addressing his friends again. "I'm very tired, I'm sorry. I'm glad I was able to get back in time to help tonight. I'll see you in the morning." He turned and headed up to the dormitory. 

James rounded on Sirius, "Why are you so stuck on this?" 

Sirius shrugged. "Dunno. It's just weird, is all...He never mentions his mum until he suddenly needs to go home." 

"Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it." James said pointedly as he pushed his glasses up his nose. 

"Maybe it's really bad." Peter added. "He gets really upset when you ask him about it." 

Sirius looked frustrated. "Yeah, but-" 

"Drop it, Sirius." said James sternly. 

 

But Sirius couldn't drop it. Once a month Remus would leave and when he returned, Sirius would pester him about it until James or Peter hit him with a lip locking curse. Most months it didn't last long and eventually Sirius would give up. Until early spring when Remus had to leave twice in one month, returning the second time looking more sickly and weak then ever. 

 Sirius didn't know exactly why it bothered him so much, but something just didn't sit right with him. It was so persistently on his mind that he could not sleep that night. It was raining hard outside and Sirius lay awake listening to the sound and trying not to think about why Remus wouldn't open up about what happened when he went home every month. They were in their seventh month of school and everyone knew how horrible Sirius' family was. He could not imagine why Remus felt he had to be so secretive about his own. As Remus had told him himself, _They all had their demons_.

He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate instead on the low rumble of thunder outside, but a noise then caught his attention.

 It was very soft, but someone was mumbling in their sleep. It did not take long for Sirius to figure out who it was, and as quickly and quietly as he could he tiptoed across the dorm to Remus' bed and carefully pulled back the curtains.

Remus' eyes were screwed tightly shut and he was making quiet distressed noises. His legs were tangled up in his blanket and his shirt had ridden up leaving his chest and stomach exposed.

Sirius suddenly became very aware of the fact that he had never seen Remus Lupin without a shirt on. And now he could not look away. 

The pale boy was covered in scars and bruises in varies sizes and severity. The worst one was a silvery crescent shaped scar that seemed to wrap around his hip. Anger surged through Sirius and his fists clenched, but another soft noise from Remus broke him from his thoughts.

"Remus," Sirius whispered, gently shaking his friend. "Hey! Remus, wake up!" 

Remus' eyes snapped open, startling Sirius once again with how they seemed to nearly glow, and he looked around frantically. 

"Alright, mate?" Sirius asked.

Breathing heavily still, Remus nodded. He then noticed the way that Sirius' eyes seemed to linger on his chest and stomach and quickly covered up, blushing furiously. "Just a nightmare..." he muttered.

Sirius cocked his head to the side. "Budge over." 

 "What? Why?" 

"Move your scrawny arse over." Sirius repeated. Remus did and Sirius climbed into bed with him and closed the curtains. 

 "Regulus use to have nightmares when he was little," Sirius explained. "And he'd come into bed with me and it made him feel better. Do you get them a lot?" 

Remus didn't answer. He just stared off into the darkness silently. 

 "Rem, it's not a big deal." he nudged the boy playfully with his elbow. "I won't tell anyone." 

Reluctantly, Remus smiled back at him. "I've gotten them since I was little." 

"Wanna talk about it?" 

 "Not really." 

After a moment of silence, save the sound of the thunder and Peter's snoring, Remus sighed. "Would you open that drawer there?" 

Sirius opened the bedside drawer and his eyes widened. "Merlin, Remus you have enough chocolate stashed away to feed an army. Expecting a world shortage or something?" 

Remus laughed. "It makes me feel better. D'you want some?" 

"Sure." 

Remus passed him a chocolate frog and they ate silently. After a while Sirius looked at him nervously, biting his lip. 

"Can I show you something?" 

Remus stared at him, confused. "Er...Sure..." 

Sirius got up on his knees facing away from Remus and lifted his t-shirt. He heard Remus gasp softly as he revealed the long, thin scar that crossed over his back diagonally across his spine. Sirius lowered his shirt and turned back around. 

"It's from this past Christmas when I went home for the break. Apparently I wasn't sorry enough about not being sorted into Slytherin and betraying my family. Dad's belt." He laughed darkly before meeting Remus' eyes. "You don't need to tell me how you got yours, Remus. And I wont ask you about home anymore. But I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone." 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I have so much that I want to write about...and it's all later on when they are in their fifth year and over. This is torturous! :-P


	6. Letters, Summer 1972

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius stood and slammed the compartment door mumbling swears under his breath. 
> 
> "Who the bloody hell does she think she is?" He plopped himself back into his seat. "See, this is what I'm saying Regulus! You don't want to be part of that lot! They're all a bunch of evil little-" 
> 
> "Evil?" Regulus blinked at him. "Surely not all of them...Sirius, what if I do get sorted into Slytherin? What will you do then? I don't know what house I'll be sorted into, but this...this isn't what I want! I don't want anyone to be angry over where they put me!"

 

Dear Sirius,

Hey Mate, how's your summer? I've got big plans for pranking the pants off the slytherins next year. Literally, pants off! We're going to have quite a year. You'll never guess what I found in dad's study! AN INVISIBILITY CLOAK! Can you imagine what we can get away with if we're bloody invisible, mate!? 

Hope your parents aren't giving you a hard time. Cheers.

Sincerely, James Fleamont Potter

P.S. Ugh. Sorry. Mum got me personalized parchment for getting top marks on my exams. 

 

\--

 

Dear James Fleamont Potter,

 

BAHAHAHAHAHA! FLEAMONT!?! Your ruddy middle name is  _Fleamont!?_ That is priceless. Sweet Merlin, you're never living this one down.

Ahh, anyway, an invisibility cloak? That's bloody brilliant! Think you can sneak it to school without your dad knowing its gone? My summer is alright. I've been keeping to myself mostly. 

Pantsless, you say? I'm intrigued. 

 

\- Sirius Orion Black

P.S. At least my parents had the decency to give me a good name. 

 

\--

Dear Remus,

DID YOU KNOW JAMES' MIDDLE NAME IS FLEAMONT!?! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

\- Sirius

 

 

\--

 

Dear Sirius,

Your initials are an acronym for Son Of a Bitch.

\- Remus

 

\--

Dear Remus,

 

Touche. Sirius "Ain't That the Truth" Black

 

\--

 

James, An invisibility cloak? Your dad will definitely notice that missing, they're bloody rare! But how fantastic would that be to have?!

\- Peter

P.S. Sirius isn't going to let you live that middle name down, mate.

 

\--

 

Son Of a Bitch,

I've asked mum and dad and they said if you want you could come spend a week or two. Think your parents would be alright with it?

Sincerely, James Fleamont Potter

 

\--

Remus,

Have you heard from Sirius at all? He hasn't answered me in nearly two weeks.

 

Sincerely, James Fleamont Potter

 

\--

 

Sirius,

Are you alright? James says he hasn't heard from you. I hope you're okay.

\- Remus

 

\--

 

Sirius,

James and Remus said you haven't responded to them. Is everything alright?

Peter

 

\--

 

James,

Mum's got the bloody house elf on my case. She heard me tell Reg that I asked the sorting hat not to put me in Slytherin. I'm fine. I probably won't be able to write much, though. Let Remus and Pete know, yeah?

 

Sirius "She Really Is a Bitch" Black

 

\--

 

Sirius Orion Black could not be happier when September first finally arrived. Leaning up against the brick wall of Platform Nine and Three Quarters, he tried to ignore the sound of his mother fussing over and praising Regulus in a way she had never done for him.

"Regulus, dear, I know you'll make me proud."

"Yes Mother."

Folding his arms, Sirius scanned the crowded platform for his friends.

"Sirius.  _Sirius, I am speaking to you!"_

" _What?"_ Sirius snapped back, a decision he immediately regretted as his mother grabbed his shoulder, digging her nails in. 

"You listen to me, Sirius. Slytherin or not, you are still a member of this family. Blood is everything. You watch out for your brother and you stay out of trouble. _Do I make myself quite clear_?" 

"Yes, Mother." He hissed through gritted teeth.

"SIRIUS!" 

Pulling away from his mother, Sirius ran forward to to meet up with James Potter. "James!" 

"How are you? Everything alright?" James asked, his hazel eyes risking a glance at Walberga and Regulus.

Sirius shrugged, "Yeah. Let's just get on the train. You seen Pete or Remus yet?" 

"Not yet." 

Sirius turned back to his family. "Reg, you coming?" 

"In a sec." Regulus waved him off. 

Together, James and Sirius pushed through the crowds of students saying their goodbyes to their parents and clambered onto the train in search for an open compartment. Not long after they had settled into their seats, Peter joined them and they all peered out the window in search of Remus.

"He's going to miss the train, where d'you reckon he is?" Peter asked.

"He's probably fallen asleep somewhere...Bloke can sleep anywhere..." James mumbled.

"Sirius," The three boys turned around to see Regulus Black standing at the door to their compartment.

He was shorter than Sirius, but just as handsome, with the same cloudy grey eyes and high cheekbones.

"Hey Reg," Sirius smiled. "You want to sit with us?" The boy nodded eagerly and took a seat beside his brother. "Regulus, this is James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. Mates, this is my brother Regulus." 

"Hello." Chimed James and Peter, and Regulus mumbled his hello back.

"You nervous?" Sirius asked.

"A little..." Regulus admitted. "I just don't want anyone to-"

But what Regulus didn't want anyone to do, they did not get to hear because in ran Remus Lupin just as the the train began to move.

"Nice of you to join us, Lupin. Thought maybe you were skipping out." James smirked as Remus nearly collapsed into the seat beside him. Panting, Remus rolled his eyes.

"I over-"

"Overslept." The other three Gryffindors chorused.

Remus got himself situated and caught his breath, regaining his composure before he turned to Regulus. "Oh hello...You must be Sirius' brother. I'm Remus." he offered his hand, which Regulus shook with a weak smile.

"Reg is a little nervous." Sirius grinned, draping an arm over his brother's shoulder. "You shouldn't worry so much."

"Yeah, mate. We'll watch out for you." James added.

"Oh there you are Regulus!" Squealed a shrill voice that made Sirius' arm hair stand on edge. "What on earth are you doing sitting with these Gryffindorks?"

"Bugger off Bella." Sirius growled, tightening his grip on Regulus' shoulder.

Bellatrix gave both brothers a smirk. "I'm only saying that Reggie here would be in far better company if he sat with his fellow Slytherins."

"That remains to be seen, Trixie." Sirius countered. "You don't _know_ he'll be sorted into Slytherin."

"And you don't know he won't be." Bellatrix retorted. "Come on, Regulus! I want to introduce you to your new housemates!" 

Regulus bit his lip, "I dunno, Bella...Sirius is sort of right...I mean...I don't know what house I'll be in yet..." 

Sirius gave a satisfied grin and leaned back in his seat. "See Bella? He doen't want to sit with your slimy little snakes."

"I...I didn't say that either..." Regulus said quietly, but neither Sirius nor Bellatrix heard because the two of them were bickering. 

"I think," Said Remus in a slightly raised voice. "That Regulus should sit with his brother." 

Bellatrix shot Remus a nasty look. "No one asked you, Lupin!"

Remus shrugged. "What would it matter, Bellatrix? If you're so sure he'll be in Slytherin with you then you'll have him all to yourself until you graduate, really." Sirius snorted and mumbled something along the lines of 'in your dreams' and Remus kicked him. 

Bellatrix considered this for a moment. "Fine," her gaze landed back on Sirius. "Have your last hours of brotherly bonding time, Siri! See you at school." And she turned on her heel and left. 

Sirius stood and slammed the compartment door mumbling swears under his breath. 

"Who the bloody hell does she think she is?" He plopped himself back into his seat. "See, this is what I'm saying Regulus! You don't want to be part of that lot! They're all a bunch of evil little-" 

"Evil?" Regulus blinked at him. "Surely not all of them...Sirius, what if I do get sorted into Slytherin? What will you do then? I don't know what house I'll be sorted into, but this...this isn't what I want! I don't want anyone to be angry over where they put me!" 

"I just don't want them turning you into-" 

"Into what? You think I'm that easily persuaded?" 

"Anything from the trolley?" The witch with the food trolley came just in time, and James, Remus and Peter jumped up immediately to buy their sweets as the Black brothers stared at each other in an awkward silence.

"Sirius, Regulus, do you want anything?" James asked carefully. Both brothers shook their head.

It was going to be a long ride to school. 

 


	7. two houses, both alike in dignity - Year Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shocked from the contact, he froze and his grey eyes shot up to meet the amber ones of Remus Lupin.
> 
> "Sirius," He said calmly. "It's going to be okay." 
> 
> And for some reason, Sirius believed him.

 No one had ever seen Sirius Black so nervous. The usually careless and laid back Gryffindor was seated between James and Remus, fidgeting with the sleeve of his robes and restlessly tapping his left foot as they awaited the sorting of the new First Years. 

 "You're going to wear a hole in the floor, mate." James warned. 

"Does it really matter what house he's sorted into? He's your brother." Peter reasoned. But Sirius did not respond, he merely chewed his lip and made a small whining noise in the back oh his throat while his knee continued to gyrate wildly.

The doors to the great hall swung open and the First Years filed in, gazing around in excitement and wonder. Sirius rose slightly in his seat, desperately scanning the sea of 11 year olds for his brother, but James pulled him down. Sirius seemed to radiate anxiety all throughout the Sorting Hat's song. 

 Finally, Professor McGonnagall stepped forward and lifted the Sorting Hat off of the stool. Sirius' leg shook harder and faster until suddenly he felt a hand come and rest on his kneecap.

Shocked from the contact, he froze and his grey eyes shot up to meet the amber ones of Remus Lupin.

"Sirius," He said calmly. "It's going to be okay." 

And for some reason, Sirius believed him. 

**"** Black, Regulus!" Was called and without a conscious thought, Sirius grabbed Remus' hand tightly.

Regulus walked slowly up to the stool in the front of the hall. It wasn't just Sirius that seemed to be on edge. At the Slytherin table, Bellatrix, Narcissa and their gang were staring intently at the younger Black brother. Regulus himself looked terrified as he took his seat on the stool. He kept his eyes, wide with fear, on the ground so that he could not see either the Gryffindor or Slytherin tables. 

Sirius swallowed hard as Professor McGonnagall lowered that hat onto Regulus' head and the next few moments were the longest of either brothers' lives. Sirius' grip on Remus' hand was so tight, Remus was sure he'd need the jaws of life to free himself.

Then, at long last, the Sorting Hat announced loud and clear;

"SLYTHERIN!" 

Sirius felt his stomach drop. 

The Slytherin table cheered louder than they ever had before.

 Regulus slowly stepped down, his grey eyes desperately seeking the identical ones of his brother as he made his way to the table at the other end of the Great Hall. But Sirius did not look up. He kept his gaze firmly on the table in front of him, wide and, to his embarrassment, full of tears. 

The Slytherins continued to hoot and holler a little longer than usual, and Bellatrix's shrill cries of "My Darling cousin!" were easily recognizable over the noise. 

Suddenly Sirius stood. 

"Excuse me," He murmured. 

"Sirius, the sorting isn't over," Peter said carefully.

"I need some air, that's all." 

"Just wait until the sorting is through," James said, placing a hand on Sirius' arm. "You'll draw too much attention if you go now." Reluctantly, Sirius sat.

"Honestly, Black," Said Lily Evans from across the table. "I don't see what you're making a fuss about. It's only a house assignment. If you weren't so prejudice against the Slytherins you'd see it's not such a big deal. Severus-"

 "Shove it, Evans!" Sirius snapped. "Snivellus is just as bad as the rest of 'em. You just don't see if because you're in love with him or something." 

Lily's face turned as red as her hair. "No I'm not! We're friends! Because we don't care what house a bloody hat put us in!" 

The sorting came to an end and abruptly Sirius stood up.

"What about the feast?" Peter asked, as though he was personally wounded.

 "I'm not hungry." Sirius grumbled, stuffing his hands in his pocket and walking quickly out of the hall.

At the furthest table down, Regulus watched his brother leave with the deepest feeling of regret. 

 Just outside the Great Hall, Sirius paced back and forth, gripping at his hair in frustration. He felt anger bubbling in his chest and tears burning his eyes. Under his breath he repeatedly muttered every swear word he knew, plus a few he was sure he had made up. 

In the back of his mind, he knew he was overreacting. _It's only a house assignment. It doesn't mean anything..._

Except, he thought, that it did mean something. It meant something that he had known for almost his entire life.

When it came to his family, Sirius was different. No one, not even his own brother, was like him. He would never fit in.

He was alone. 

Ducking behind a stature of a gargoyle, Sirius buried his face in his hands and let out an angry cry as the tears he had been trying to hold back began to fall freely. 

 

\--

 

Regulus managed to pry himself away from his overbearing cousins once dinner appeared in front of them. Taking a deep breath, he cautiously approached the Gryffindor table where his brother's friends sat. 

 "Sorry," Regulus apologized as he interrupted the boys' chatter. "Have you seen Sirius?" 

James Potter bit his lip. "Er...Yeah, he stepped out for some air." 

 "He wasn't feeling well." Remus added, giving Regulus a pitied sort of look. 

Regulus tugged nervously on the sleeve of his robe and nodded. "Oh...er..." 

"It isn't your fault, Regulus." Remus offered kindly. "He's just-" 

Regulus shook his head. "Don't...don't lie to me...it _is_ my fault. He'll hate me. This isn't what I wanted. I didn't want him to be angry! I didn't want anyone to be angry!"

 "Of course you didn't," said Lily, smiling sweetly at the boy. "It's not something you had any control over. I'm sure Sirius won't stay mad."

Regulus glanced at her uncertainly. "You don't know the Blacks." And without another word, he strode out of the great all to find his brother.

 

\--

 

The sound of footsteps forced Sirius to pull himself together. He quickly wiped at his face and stood up just in time to hear his brother's voice call his name. Slowly he stepped out from behind the gargoyle, trying hard to mask any emotion from his face.

"Sirius, please don't be angry," Regulus pleaded. "This doesn't  _change_ anything. I'm still the same person!" 

Sirius shrugged. "Yeah. You're the same person. It's just now we're going to learn exactly who that person is." he said coolly. 

 Regulus frowned. "What's that supposed to mean? All of the sudden I'm a bad person? Just because I wasn't sorted into Gryffindor with you?"

_"That's not what I-"_

"It's what you meant, Sirius! You're angry because now it's really true! Sirius Black is officially the Black sheep of the family! You wanted me in Gryffindor so that you wouldn't be the only one on the outside!"

Sirius' fists clenched. "Shut up." 

"You know, you spent all summer trying to tell me that our parents were bigoted and prejudiced and mean. You hated them for how they treated you when you weren't sorted the way they wanted. Now here you are treating me the same way!" Regulus shouted. 

 "It's not the same!" 

"IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME!" 

Neither boy noticed that they had drawn a small crowd. James, Peter and Remus had come running around the corner, as well as Bellatrix, Narcissa and Rudolphus Lestrange. 

"You think you're so special Sirius, because you _asked the sorting Hat_ not to put you with the rest of your family," Regulus' voice dripped with rage. Narcissa and Bellatrix gasped loudly. "That doesn't make you special, brother! It makes you a traitor!

Sirius looked as though he had been slapped across the face. The angry red had drained from his face, leaving him a pasty white color and his mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water.

Bellatrix and Narcissa had burst into giggles. "Ooooh!" They squealed.

"You may not be in the same robes as us, Sirius. But the blood in your veins is still the Black family's, and one day you'll realize that you're exactly like the rest of us." Regulus said coldly. "And by that time you'll have no family left to turn to." He turned to his cousins. "Let's go." And all of the Slytherins left without looking back. Sirius stared at the back of his brother's head until he disappeared around the corner to return to the feast. After a few moments, James stepped forward and put a hand on Sirius' shoulder.

"Hey," He muttered. "Let's go up to the common room. Everyone's still at the feast. It'll be empty. We, er...We could take a look at dad's old invisibility cloak, yeah?" 

Sirius nodded wordlessly and together, the four boys headed up to Gryffindor tower. 


	8. Brothers - Year Two

"Merlin's Knickers!" Said Peter, in absolute awe from his four poster bed as James wrapped the long cloak himself and disappeared from sight. 

 "Pretty cool, eh?" said James' voice. He popped his head out so that it appeared to be floating on air, grinning proudly.

"You'll certainly make Nearly Headless Nick envious." Remus said with a smirk. James was too excited to respond to Remus' teasing remarks, dancing around the room.

 "Think of all the possibilities! All the pranks we can pull without a chance of being caught! Right, Sirius?" He looked over at the other raven haired boy. But Sirius wasn't paying attention. He was lying on his own bed, on his stomach, picking absently at a loose thread on his comforter. 

James sighed. "Hello? Sirius! I'm a bloody floating head, here!" 

 "Yeah, brilliant." Sirius muttered without looking up. The other three boys exchanged looks and James tossed the cloak onto his bed before sitting on Sirius', followed by Remus and Peter.

"Look, mate," James started, seriously. "I know you're disappointed, but you said that you and Regulus were always close. Maybe this really won't change anything." 

 "It's already has." Said Sirius in a brooding tone. "He's right. I acted exactly the way my parents acted towards me." He sat up and folded his legs. "Maybe I really did just want him here so I wouldn't be alone." 

 "You aren't alone though." Said Peter. "You've got us!" 

Sirius forced a smile. "Yeah, I know." But the smile faded quickly. "It's just that it really does mean that on some level, I really am different. I don't fit in with my own family." he sighed. "And to be completely honest, I don't  _want_ to. I just wish that someone fit in with _me_...They're still my family. I can't help it if I wish I wasn't so different." 

"I understand." Remus said quietly. "I mean...What it's like to feel....to feel different. Especially from your family." 

Sirius suddenly remembered the night last spring when he had seen the scars that marked the smaller boy's body and he shuddered inwardly. 

"Well screw 'em." James spoke up after a moment. "We're a family, now. And you both fit in just fine." He slung his arms over both Sirius and Remus' shoulders. 

"Yeah!" Peter agreed, doing the same so that they now formed a small circled on Sirius' bed. 

 "From now on, we're brothers." James declared, eyes sparkling from behind his glasses. "No matter what. Agreed?" 

"Agreed." 

 "Excellent!" James said, jumping up. "Can we please go back to focusing on how bloody wicked this cloak is!" He practically leaped onto his own bed and picked up the flowing cloth. "So what's then let's take her for a spin, eh? We could explore the whole castle with this thing! Where do we even begin!" 

Ever so slowly, a smirk found it's way across Sirius' face. "I've got a plan."

 

\--

 

They waited about an hour after their housemates had gone to bed. As quietly as the could, the four boys crept down the stairs to the common room where James threw the cloak over all of them.

"Remember, stay close and stay quiet." James instructed. 

They sneaked through the portrait hole and out of Gryffindor tower, and none of them could help but grin with pride. James was right, the possibilities were endless with this cloak. 

"Sirius, even if you do know how to get the the Slytherin's dorm, you realize you don't know how to get in, right?" Remus whispered.

 "So we wait until someone comes along and sneak in after 'em!" 

"We could be there all night..." 

 "So? D'you have a hot date or something, Lupin?" 

"Yeah. With my pillow-Ow! Don't pinch me, you prat!" 

 "You'll sleep when your dead, you lazy wuss. You're young. Live a little." 

"Would you two shut up before we're heard!" James hissed. Sirius opened his mouth to respond smartly, but instead they heard a soft "Meow!" 

"Shite. It's Mrs. Norris!" Peter practically squeaked. 

 "Dont. Move. Don't even breathe." Remus barely whispered. 

The four of them stood absolutely still, holding their breath as Mrs. Norris seemed to look right through them, sniffing the air and mewling softly. 

Slowly, Remus reached into his pocket and pulled his wand out. " _Lumos Apex"_  he breathed, and a small red dot of light appeared on the ground where his wand was pointing. Curiously, Mrs. Norris approached the dot and with slight uncertainty she swatted at it. Remus made the light move back and forth and the cat followed, determined to catch whatever creature she thought it must be. After a few moments of making sure the cat was fully invested in this mysterious dot, Remus flicked his wrist and sent it zooming down the opposite hall, with Mrs. Norris chasing close behind. 

Sirius, James and Peter all stared at their friend blankly. Remus just shrugged. "I had a cat when I was little." 

 They continued their mission, narrowly dodging a Hufflepuff Prefect or a suit of armor from time to time.

"Wish we had a map or something..." James muttered. "You sure you know where you're going, Sirius?" 

 "Yeah...The Slytherins are down in the dungeons." 

"Figures." Remus snorted. 

 They finally approached the dungeons and traveled down, down, down until they reached the entrance of the Slytherin Commons.

"We just have to wait for someone to come by. A prefect or something." Sirius whispered with confidence. The four boys, still covered by the cloak, slid behind a suit of armor to wait out their time. After a few moments of nothingness, Remus yawned hugely and leaned against the wall behind them.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Really? You're going to fall asleep here? Now?" 

 "'m tired. It's been a long day."

"We'll sleep  _after we prank these slimy little-"_

But Remus was already snoring softly. 

 James shook his head "That's actually impressive." 

But Remus was awoken quite suddenly by a horrifyingly loud cackle followed by the sound of a raspberry being blown. 

 "ICKLE STUDENTS OUTS OF BEDSIES! BETTER RUN OR YOU'LL BE DEADSIES! AHAHAHAHA!" Cried Peeves the Poltergeist as he zoomed over their heads.

"Can he see us?" Peter whispered, panicked, the other three shrugged, too scared to speak. 

 "That is  _enough,_ Peeves! I am a prefect!" Boasted the haughty voice of Narcissa Black as she came around the corner, stopping right in front of their suit of armor.  "Now leave, before I get the Bloody Barron!" 

Peeves shrieked with laughter. "Ooooh miss perfect prefect! I must have forgot!" He hung upside down with his face so close to Narcissa's they were practically bumping noses. "Too bad good ol' peevesie thinks you're just a snot!" Sirius had to clap his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing as his cousin swatted angrily at the Poltergeist.

"Why you little- I WILL BE TELLING THE BARRON! AND DUMBLEDORE!" She cried out as Peeves vanished with a loud pop. Taking a deep, calming breath, Narcissa brushed off her robes and stepped up to the large stone wall. " _Echis carinatus."_ She recited clearly, and the wall moved, allowing her to pass. 

"Let's go!" Sirius whispered, and they quickly shuffled in just before the wall closed back up. The Slytherin common room was nothing like that of Gryffindor. Being so far underground, there was no light except from the torches that hung on the walls. The entire room seemed to be a dreary green, and when they looked to the windows they could see why. The common room was actually under the dark lake. It seemed that all of the Slytherins were in bed, aside from one. On the sofa by the fireplace sat a lanky boy with his face hidden in a book called Practical Black Magic: Hexing and Cursing Your Enemies. 

Narcissa strode over to the boy and plucked the book right from his hands. "Now, Severus. It's far past bed time. No students out of bed." 

 Snape didn't seem amused as he reached up and snatched his book back. "Piss off, Black. I couldn't sleep." he

"Well go on up to your dorm and read there. If Slughorn comes through to check the common room I don't want it to look like I haven't been doing my job!" She flipped her silvery hair over her shoulder with an air of importance. 

 "Oh yes, wouldn't that be just dreadful." Snape drawled. He did stand, however, and headed off to his dorm. Narcissa lingered a while longer, walking around the  common room and making sure things were in order. James, Sirius , Remus and Peter held their breath until at long last, Narcissa also left for her bed. 

The four boys let out a relieved sigh, releasing the air they felt they had been holding all night. 

 They walked around the common room slowly, searching for the right way to go about Sirius' devious plot. Once they found the Slytherins' boys restroom, they entered silently. Sirius pulled out his wand and pointed it at the basket of shampoos that had been left by the House Elves. " _Pigmentum_   _Rubrum  e aurum."_

"What'll it do?" Peter asked. 

 Sirius just grinned. "C'mon. Let's get out of here." And without another word, they hurried out of the dungeons and back to Gryffindor Tower.

 

 


	9. Marauders - Year Two

Sirius awoke in the middle of the night to the familiar weight of someone sitting on his bed.

 "Nightmares?" He asked without opening his eyes. It had become somewhat of a ritual since last year that Remus would wake him when he was plagued by bad dreams. 

"No," Said Remus quietly. "I just...I wanted to make sure you were alright, I guess." 

 Sirius sat up with a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I suppose so." then he grinned. "I'll feel much better tomorrow when we see the look on their face-"

"Sirius, pranking the Slytherins isn't going to make the problem magically disappear." Remus' amber eyes glowed brightly in the waning moonlight. Sirius wasn't sure he'd ever get use to those strange eyes. 

 "Remus," Sirius started cautiously. "Where'd you get those scars you have all over?" 

The smaller boy seemed to panic for a moment and he quickly looked away. "You promised you'd never ask me that."  He mumbled.

 "I know, I'm sorry," Sirius apologized quickly and bit his lip. "I just need to know...I need to know that I'm not alone..." 

Remus was very quiet as he seemed to struggle with what to say, he could feel Sirius' eyes burning into him, pleading with him. "I'm sorry, Sirius..." he whispered. "I can't...But I promise you, you are not alone." 

 

\--

 

The following morning at breakfast, all of the Slytherins were arrived late. 

 James, Sirius, Peter and Remus kept their heads down, busying themselvies with their toast and jam until the great hall suddenly erupted with laughter. When they did dare to lift their gaze from their plates they were met with the exact sight they had hoped for. The Slytherins walked in in a deadly silence, each one sporting bright scarlet and gold hair, and looking so angry that their faces were red to match. 

The four boys joined the rest of the students' laughter, which only grew stronger as Regulus, Bellatrix and Severus approached them. 

"Sirius." Regulus said through gritted teeth. 

"Good, hahaha- Good Morning, Reggie!" Sirius managed, gasping for breaths and actually starting to hiccup. "You're looking rather spirited this morning!" 

 "You did this!" Said Snape, his beady dark eyes glaring. 

"How?" Asked Remus, ever the calm one. "How on earth would we get into your common room without ever being seen? Let alone knowing the password." 

 "Don't try to act all innocent, Lupin. This has you lot written all over it!" Snape snapped.

"If it _were_ us, and I'm not saying that it was," James said coyly, "I must say I'm surprised it even got to you, Snivellus. I was under the impression you didn't shower." 

 "Oh, Honestly!" Said Lily, loudly between bites of pancakes. "Would you boys grow up?" 

"There will be plenty of time for that when we're older, Evans." James grinned, messing his hair. 

 "Settle down, everyone!" Dumbledor's voice spoke calmly over the chaos. Once everyone had quieted, he continued. "Now then, it's quite lovely to see the Slytherins showing such support for the other houses," He smiled pleasently. "Fifty points-" 

"It's all their fault, Professor!" Bellatrix shrieked, pointing a shaking finger at the boys. 

 "Oh," The headmaster's tone changed. "Well that's quite different. I was going to award the Slytherin house with an extra fifty points for their school spirit. But alas, I seem to have been mistaken."

There were angry and disappointed outbursts from the Slytherin table. Sirius smirked cockily at his seething brother, with a look that clearly dared the younger boy to challenge him.

"You just wait, Sirius." Regulus whispered before he, Bellatrix and Severus returned to their table.

 Breakfast ended and the students hustled out of the hall to get to their classes. The boys grabbed their things, all set to head out to charms when they were stopped by Professor Mcgonnagall, who stared them all down from behind her rectangular glasses.

"You four, my office. Now."

 

\--

 

"Would any of you care to tell me just how you managed to turn all of the Slytherins' hair Gryffindor colors without knowing how to enter their common room?" McGonnagall asked.

 "...If you don't know how we could have done it," Remus said carefully, "How could you be certain it was us?"

Mcgonnagall gave him a deadpanned sort of look. "Mr. Lupin, it is no secret that you four have a knack for trouble making."

 "But you still can't say for _certain_ -" 

"No, Mister Black, I cannot. I can, however, deduce that given your talents for trickery and your obvious rivalry with the Slytherins that you're not exactly innocent either." 

None of the boys said a word. 

"Now, you boys may think that you can just go about marauding around the castle-" 

 "What's that mean?" Peter cocked an eyebrow.

"Plundering, thieving, all around delinquency." Remus supplied.

 "Cool. Sounds like a pirate." Peter grinned.

Professor McGonnagall did not seem as amused as they were. "Boys," she continued seriously. "It is the first day of classes. Must I really tell you to behave yourselves?"

 "Sorry Professor." They chorused. 

The deputy headmistress sighed heavily. "Go on, then. Off to Charms with you." And they were dismissed. 

 Sirius barked with laughed as they made their way to Professor Flitwick's class. "I can't believe we got away with it! James, that cloak is beyond brilliant!" 

"Told you it would be." James said proudly, and the two boys high-fived. 

 "We're lucky she couldn't pin it on us," said Remus. "But really, we need to be careful. Seems we've already given ourselves a reputation." 

Peter nodded in agreement. "Yeah...What was that that she called us? The pirate word?" 

 Remus laughed. "Marauders." 

"Yeah, that. I liked that." 

 "Has a nice ring to it." Said Sirius with a prideful smirk. 

"Definitely." James agreed. "But Remus is right, we need to be careful not to get caught. We were far too close with Filch and Peeves...and really, I thought we were taking a short cut to charms, where are we?" He said looking around the corridor. "Bloody moving staircases...We really do need a map of this blasted castle..." 

 

\--

 

September passed and the weather grew colder. It was early October when a familiar argument broke out in the Gryffindor common room. 

 "Remus, I really don't see why you absolutely  _have to go home_ tomorrow! It's the middle of the week!" Sirius huffed. 

Remus, looking quite exasperated as he usually did when the subject of returning home arose, slowly lowered his potions text book and rubbed his tired eyes. "Sirius, please...We've gone over this." 

 "Yes, I know, and I said I wouldn't bother you about it anymore. But I-" 

"But nothing, Sirius! You said you'd stop!" 

 "Stop yelling..." Peter groaned. "I'm trying to write this stupid essay..."

"You know it's hopeless, Pete. Let them fight it out." James sighed.

 "Yes, you said you wouldn't bother me about it but here we are having the same bloody-"

"I just don't think it's fair that your parents put your education at risk-"

 "My education at risk? Sirius, that's ridicu-"

"Must the two of you argue all the time?" Marlene McKinnon yelled from across the common room. "We've all got studying to do, you know!" 

 "Oh shut your gob, McKnickers." Sirius teased. 

"Sirius, really-" 

 "No, Remus! I want to know why-" 

"James, why does the moon need to be full when you brew the temporary madness potion?" Peter asked mildly, trying to ignore the chaos around them. 

 "Er, I think it was something about the gravitational pull...I didn't take notes in class yesterday though. Remus, do you have the notes from potions?" 

"Yeah, Remus. Since you won't be there tomorrow to brew the potion, you might as well just give James your notes." Sirius grumbled. And then Remus slammed his book down, causing the entire common room to go completely silent. 

 " _Sirius that is enough!"_  The auburn haired boy practically growled. Every eye in Gryffindor common room was on them. "I do not have to explain myself to you! Now do me and yourself a bloody favor and  _stop prying."_ He picked up his books, throwing his potions notes at James and Peter. "The gravitational pull of the full moon. Tidal effects on the liquids in the potion and in the drinker's body cause the mind to temporarily slip into madness or lunacy." he muttered grumpily before storming up the dorm. 

Sirius folded his arms and glared after him. "...sure seems to be effecting someone's mind." 

 James rolled his eyes. "The two of you are going to kill each other one of these days. Sit and write your bloody essay, Sirius." 

 


	10. Lessons in Lycanthropy - Year Two

 

Sirius was in a terrible mood the entire day.

 "You know, if you'd just leave him alone about it you wouldn't be this upset." James offered, slicing ginger root in potions class. "It's really none of your business."

"You're slicing that far too thin," Sirius grumbled, ignoring the advice. 

 "I don't see why it bothers you  _so much_ though...and no, I'm not. Look, it's right here in the text book." James pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose and pointed to the page. 

Sirius chewed at his bottom lip. "I've got my reasons."

"Well your reasons are putting your friendship with Remus at risk and, honestly, probably your health. He looked like he was going to bite your head off last night...You're supposed to stir that counter clockwise, mate, pay attention." 

 Sirius groaned in annoyance as the potion in their cauldron, meant to be a neon green color, turned a dull grey. "Bugger..." 

"Not to worry!" Slughorn said cheerfully as he came around to check on their progress. "Add a little more wolfsbane to it and it should be back on trac- Oh, no Mr. Pettigrew not you!" 

There was a puff of thick black smoke that had come from the cauldron Peter was unfortunately sharing with an angry looking Bellatrix and Slughorn hurried over to correct them.

"Seriously though, mate...you've either got to tell me why this gets to you or you've got to drop it." James insisted, dropping the freshly sliced ginger root into the potion. 

 Looking around to be sure no one was listening in, Sirius leaned over. "Alright, listen...Don't  say anything, I told Remus that I wouldn't mention it to anyone, ever-"

James looked wounded. "Even to me?" 

 "It's not like that...It was pretty serious..." Sirius sighed. "Have you ever noticed that Remus doesn't ever get dressed in front of us at all? He always wakes up extra early to get in the shower before we're awake?" 

James shrugged "So? Some blokes are just more private about their privates...We're not all exhibitionists like you, Black." 

 Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm serious!" 

"And I'm James-"

 "This is not the time for jokes, Potter. Do you want me to tell you what's happening or not?" 

"Sorry, I couldn't help myself." James laughed. "Anyway, you were saying..." 

 Sirius gave him an annoyed glare before continuing. " _Anyway_ , Last year I woke up and Remus was having some sort of fit in his sleep, a nightmare, so I went to wake him and when I did his shirt sort of rose up and I saw..." he trailed off. 

James frowned and shook his head "Saw what? He's got like a third nipple or something?" 

 "Will you stop being a bloody dunce!" 

"Well just get on with your story then!"

 "Scars! Remus has all these scars, everywhere, all over himself!" Sirius hissed. James' facial expression changed suddenly, no longer playful and teasing but nervous and concerned. 

"Wait...seriously?" 

 "Yes! When he woke up he got really embarrassed and covered himself up and I promised never to ask him about it, but....but I think his family might abuse him or something..." Fidgeting nervously with the sleeve of his robe, Sirius looked away.

"Sirius...that's...that's a really serious accusation." 

 "I know, but what else could it be?" 

James ran a hand frantically through his hair. "I dunno, mate, maybe he was in an accident when he was little or was attacked by some wild animal or something. You can't just go around thinking that everyone's parents beat th- Oh..." He caught himself as he noticed Sirius' eyes widen and his face flush slightly. "Oh...Er...sorry...Y-you know what, maybe...maybe we shouldn't be talking about this right now, yeah?" 

Sirius stared miserably down at their bubbling cauldron and James put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey...Sirius, mate...I'm sorry, okay?"

 Sirius nodded. "Yeah, it's fine."

"Professor Slughorn!" Cried Bellatrix suddenly. James and Sirius turned around to see Peter sitting on the ground laughing madly, soaked in neon green potion that had spilled over. 

"Well," Slughorn said weakly. "At least he brewed it correctly..." 

 

\--

 

Remus returned several days later, looking exhausted as usual and sporting several new scars that were visible just above the collar of his shirt. When he climbed through the portrait into the common room, he didn't notice the glance exchanged between James and Sirius. In fact, he was so tired he barely noticed anything at all and was intent on retreating straight to his bed. But Sirius approached him, putting his hands up in surrender.

"Listen, Remus...I'm really sorry about the other day...and the way I spoke to you. I should've minded my own business, alright?"

 Remus nodded weakly. "Yeah...that's fine, Sirius. Thank you." he forced a smile and excused himself to bed, leaving Sirius standing awkwardly at the bottom on the stairs. James came up behind him and clapped him on the shoulder. "Very proud of you, mate. I know that Black family pride is a real pisser on apologies."

Sirius couldn't really argue there. "Still feel awful."

"You treated him pretty awful, so..."

 "Gee, thanks."

"Listen, I'm your best friend and I need to be honest with you." James shrugged as they both returned to sit by the fire with Peter, who still had a minor case of the giggles that Slughorn said would probably last throughout the week. James and Sirius had filled him in on what was happening as well once he had regained most of his sanity. 

 "I know because of what you've been through it's sort of rational to jump to conclusions, but I'm not so sure that's Remus' situation." James said thoughtfully. 

"James is right - hehe- ugh sorry," Peter groaned in frustration. "There's lots of ways Remus could have gotten those scars...My cousin Gertrude got attacked by a rabid dog when she was little and it roughed her up pretty bad -haha-"

Sirius shook his head, staring out the window at the waning moon. "Nah...No dog could've made tho-" his eyes went wide. 

 James and Peter blinked at each other. "What's up, mate?" 

"I...I just..." He stood and crossed over to the window. "James, Pete....get the cloak. We're going to the library." 

 "The library? Why would we need the cloak for that?" James asked, confusion etched over his faced.

"We need to go to the restricted section." 

\--

"So let me get this straight," Peter whispered, sounding slightly more anxious than usual as they tip toed through the library late that night beneath the invisibility cloak. "You think Remus is a werewolf?"

"Yes." Sirius said with a definitive sort of air to him.

"Remus. Like, Remus Lupin. Our Remus." Peter raised an eyebrow.

 "Tiny little bloke that wears the giant jumpers all the bloody time and can't stay awake for the life of him. That Remus?" James added, sounding equally disbelieving.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "D'you know another Remus? Yes. It makes complete sense!"

 James and Peter were quiet for a moment, until James finally said, "Yeah, I suppose it does."

The three boys frantically skimmed the shelves for anything they could find on the subject. Dark Creatures, Monsters of the Night, Nocturnal Beasts...

 "Ahh! Found one!" James said, excitement taking over for a brief moment and causing him to forget to whisper. Peter and Sirius quickly shushed him. "Sorry...Here," he reached up, being the tallest, and pulled a book from the shelf. "Lessons in Lycanthropy. How to identify a Werewolf!"

 "Excellent." Sirius grinned, snatching the book from him.

"You're awfully enthusiastic to out Remus as a vicious beast, you know..."  Peter said flatly. James snorted.

 "Sorry, I just have trouble picturing little Remus as anything other than...well...tiny and awkward. Love the bloke, really, like a brother....But can you imagine it? He won't even step on a spider. Saw him pick one up and bring it outside just the other night. Now here we are trying to prove he's some dangerous animal..."

Sirius quickly grabbed the book on Nocturnal Beasts and Dark Creatures and stuffed them into his bag with Lessons in Lycanthropy. "He's not dangerous."

 "Right. I suppose lycanthropy is just some furry little problem he has." James laughed, quickly stopping when he saw the hurt look on Sirius' face. "Sorry, mate. You're right...Come on then, let's get back to the dorm before Mrs. Norris sniffs us out."


	11. No one is alone - Year Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Lovely Readers!!
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking around and leaving kudos and comments! I apologize that this chapter took a little longer to post. I was on vacation in Las Vegas and my boyfriend of 6 years PROPOSED!! I'm getting married!! Ahhh!! I'm so excited! Anyway, I also apologize for the short chapters, I do promise that they will become longer as the boys get older. I'm just trying to rush through their earlier years where not much was going on, but now that they are finding out Remus' secret, there is much more to write about! So, without further ado, here's our boys!

"We have been studying these book for weeks," Groaned Peter one evening in mid December. James, Sirius and Peter were up in their dorm, huddled together on Sirius' bed with the curtains closed. It was the night of the full moon and, as usual, Remus was not present. 

 "We have to be one hundred percent sure," James muttered, flipping through Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them for the fourth or fifth time. "Although, I must admit...I'm pretty sold." he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Wha'chu think, Sirius?"

Sirius had been staring absently at the same page in Lessons in Lycanthropy for a solid fifteen minutes without saying a word. 

 "Sirius?" James repeated, but the other boy was still unresponsive. "Oy, Black!" the bespectacled boy tossed a pillow at him, hitting him square in the face. 

"Huh?" Sirius blinked up at him. "What?" 

 "You alright?" Peter asked.

Sirius shrugged. "Yeah....s'pose so..."

 James frowned, closing his book. "This was your idea, you know...and it seems like you were right. What's bothering you?" 

Sighing, Sirius closed his own book and leaned back against his headboard. "I dunno...A lot, I guess. First of all, if we're right, that's a huge deal. Think about it, all these books talk about how painful these transformations are. Can you imagine Remus going through that? I mean, we're only twelve for Godric's sake. How old was he when he was...you know..."

 "Bitten?" James supplied and Sirius flinched. 

"Yeah...and...I don't know, I always heard my parents talking about half breed-"

 "Fuck your parents." James said sternly, pulling a disgusted face. "Don't use that term about Remus. Fuck what your parents say, you said yourself they are bigoted, prejudice arses."

"Well, yeah I mean about most things-ow!" James had smacked the back of his head.

 "Sirius! You have been fussing about this since last year! You're the one who has made us sneak behind Remus' back to learn about werewolves and you are the one who refused to hear anything about him being dangerous or dark...Don't start being a prat about it now!" James' hazel eyes narrowed angrily. 

 Sirius picked at a loose thread in his sleeve and chewed his bottom lip. "You're right. I'm sorry." 

"I mean it Sirius, if you're going to treat him any differently we can put these books away and never bring it up to him and continue with the way we are. Or Pete and I will find a way to help him and you'll be left out." 

 Sirius glared. "What? No! It was my idea!" 

"Then stop being an arse." James threw Hairy Snout, Human Heart into Sirius' lap. "Keep reading." 

 

 

\--

 

 Remus awoke in the hospital wing three full days after the full moon. According to Madam Pomfrey, he had lost a particularly large amount of blood and had broken several bones in his leg. The fretting nurse made him stay an extra night just to be sure he was really in good health.

 Finally convincing Pomfrey that he was indeed well enough to return to his dormitory, Remus made the painfully long trek back to Gryffindor Tower. Every muscle in his body screamed with each step he took, but he could not bear another night in the hospital wing with it's stark white sheets and the smell of healing potions. Taking a moment to breathe, he leaned against the banister and silently willed the staircase not to move and set him off track. The walk back to the common room was always so lonely. His body ached, his mind wanted sleep and it was just _so far._ He could not wait to get to his bed and just collapse and, secretly, he hoped his friends were already asleep so that he would not have to face the questioning grey eyes of Sirius Black once more. 

Taking a deep breath, Remus gathered his strength and pushed forward. Finally reaching the portrait of the Fat Lady, he felt a sudden panic wash over him as he frantically searched his sleep driven brain for the password. 

"Rough night, dear?" Yawned the Fat Lady.

 "I'm so sorry," Remus apologized, rubbing his temples and raking his brain. "I...I seem to have forgotten-"

"Remus!" 

 Startled, Remus spun around to see Lily, smiling brightly as she hurried towards him, red hair flowing gracefully behind her. 

"Hello Lily," He forced himself to smile back, but it did not seem to fool the girl, who's face faltered slightly.

 "Are you alright?" She asked, sounding honestly concerned as she reached out and touched his arm in a friendly, caring gesture. 

"Yes. I've just forgotten the password." Remus admitted sheepishly. 

 " _Maius Bonum."_ Lily said, turning to face the portrait, which immediately swung open to allow them inside.

"Thank you, Lily." Remus said as they climbed through to the common room. 

 "Not at all," Lily's smile returned as she waved off his gratitude, but her bright green eyes still showed a deep concern. "Is your mum alright?" 

Remus nodded. "Yes, she'll be okay." 

 "It must be so difficult for you to have to go home all the time to care for her." 

He shrugged. "Sometimes, I suppose...but she'd do the same for me, so..." 

 Lily laughed softly and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "You're very sweet, Remus." her eyes were shining in the dying firelight, and before Remus could respond, Lily leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. He felt his face grow warm and he knew that he was blushing as Lily bid him goodnight and headed up the stairs to the girls' dormitory. Remus stood there, stunned for a moment, before taking the opposite staircase to his own dorm. 

 With his hand on the doorknob, Remus paused to pray once more that his friends were asleep, but as he pushed the door open he could clearly hear James' voice chatting excitedly about his most recent quidditch match against Ravenclaw. The conversation died quickly as they heard Remus enter and Remus was shocked to find that his three friends were seated on his own bed. 

"Hey Remus," Peter was the first to speak to him, sitting cross legged at the foot of Remus' bed.

 "H-Hi..." Remus blinked at them in confusion. "Er...What's going on?" 

James quickly ruffled his hair before patting the spot on the bed right beside him. "Come sit, Rem." He was smiling, but Remus could feel the tension in the room. He hesitated.

 "....Has someone died?" He asked nervously, glancing at Sirius who seemed to be avoiding eye contact. 

"What?" James quirked an eyebrow. "No. We just missed you. Come-" 

 "We know." Sirius said suddenly, still not looking up. 

Remus' breath hitched and he felt his stomach drop. "...er...y-you know what?" 

 "We know your secret." Sirius grumbled. 

Remus shook his head. "I don't have a secret. I...I've told you, Sirius, I've been seeing my mother-"

This time Sirius did look at him. "Stop lying, Remus. We know that you're-" 

 "Sirius! We talked about this!" James snapped, flicking Sirius on the nose like a misbehaving dog. 

Remus took a step backwards, hands trembling, wanting to be sick. "I don't...you don't...no...I'm not..." 

 "We don't care, you know." Peter said quietly. "We don't see you any differently just because you're a-" 

"Just because you have a furry little problem." James interrupted. Remus felt like his world was crumbling down. Tears were burning his eyes and threatening to fall. James' hazel eyes grew twice in size and he jumped off the bed to Remus' side, followed closely by Peter.

 "Y-you don't have to still be friends with me..." Remus whispered, fighting hard to keep the tears from falling. 

"Don't be silly." James said, sternly. "This doesn't change a thing. We want to help you. We're friends, no matter what, remember?" 

 Remus glanced over at the bed where Sirius still sat, looking conflicted with emotions between angry and dejected.  _He hates me..._

"Sirius?" Remus pleaded, voice barely above a hush. He watched as Sirius worried his bottom lip, staring down at the floor. "Sirius, do you hate me?" 

 Without meeting Remus' eyes, Sirius stood and crossed the room to his own bed. "I'm tired. I just need to sleep." And with that, he closed the curtains around him. 

James sighed and clapped Remus on the shoulder. "He doesn't hate you, Remus. He's...you know....Sirius." 

 Remus nodded slowly, still feeling that horribly ill feeling in the pit of his stomach.

 

\--

 

Remus could not sleep that night. A part of him was relieved, he no longer had to hide from his friends and they were, for the most part, supportive. But he couldn't get the look on Sirius' face out of his head.

_He thinks I'm a monster...he hates me...and he's got every right to..._

He was pulled from his thoughts when the curtains to his bed were suddenly flung open, and who would be standing there but Sirius, looking just as upset as Remus felt.

 "I'm sorry." Sirius said before Remus could ask him what he was doing. Sirius, without invitation, climbed into the bed and closed the curtains around them. "I'm sorry for the way I acted, Remus. I don't hate you. I was upset because...Because I thought that maybe you had problems at home the way I did...and when I started to see the other signs and I realized that I really was alone...and then I felt guilty because what you have to deal with for your entire life is much worse than just having bad parents." his words dripped with self hatred.

Remus stared at him in disbelief. "Sirius, you aren't alone...and you don't need to feel guilty..."

 "I do. I was selfish and I shouldn't treat you like that." He met Remus' eyes at long last. "I promise I'll never do that again. I'll do everything I can to try and help you and to keep your secret safe." 

"You don't have to do anyth-" 

 "I do." Sirius insisted and Remus was actually taken aback slightly by his persistence. "Because you shouldn't go through this alone. No one should be alone." 

 


	12. Gunhilda of Gorsemoor - Year Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING!!! I am so sorry for the delay! I had so much going on with wedding plans and the holidays and then I was sick and...Gah I am just awful, I am so sorry. Here's a chapter for you. I'm sorry. Don't hate me. I'm sorry.

  Peter Pettigrew was happy to take the fall for any pranks the Marauders were caught doing, and he did not mind being the one that ended up in detention. The truth was, Peter was just glad to be a part of such a close group of friends and would do anything to keep himself in the loop. It was only fair, Peter thought, since James was busy with Quidditch and Remus had enough on his plate and Sirius had his family to deal with. If Peter ever got the chance to take the blame and spare them from detention, he was happy to do it. 

 It was on just such a night that Peter Pettigrew made an amazing discovery that would change everything for them.

It was late one evening in February and he had taken the fall for a rather brilliant prank that James and Sirius had been responsible for, which involved exploding valentines candy that stained the entire great hall pink for three whole days, and long story short Peter ended up in detention scrubbing cauldrons. On his way back to Gryffindor Tower, the Staircases decided to move sending him off in the complete opposite direction. He wandered the corridors in a mild panic wondering briefly if he should stop and ask a portrait for directions, when he tripped on his untied shoelace and stumbled right into the arms of a stone statue of a one eye'd witch.

A panicked scream - which he was glad his friends were not around to hear, escaped his lips before he noticed that it was indeed only stone that he had fallen into. He sighed in relief and brushed himself off, bending down to tie his shoe...And that's when he noticed it...

 Peter was good at noticing the little details -That's what made him so useful in pranks. While the others may have never paid attention to something so minuscule, Peter's eyes lingered for just a moment longer on everything. There was something strange about this statue...Curious, he gave the stone witch a little shove. 

 

_

 

Sirius flopped down onto Remus' bed. "Hey, I've got the notes from History of Magic for you." 

 "And you should be thankful," James added. "That's usually when Sirius gets his beauty rest, y'know." 

Remus laughed and accepted the parchment from the raven haired boy. "So sorry to impose upon your nap, Sirius." Then he added, more seriously. "You didn't have to do that for me..." 

Sirius shrugged him off. "It'll just give Potter some time to catch up." He winked at Remus. "He needs it far more than I do. Poor ugly brute, he is."

"We'd all be much better looking if you didn't hog the mirror every morning, Black." came James' reply, along with a pillow being thrown across the room at Sirius' head.

Before Sirius could retaliate the door burst open and in ran Peter, panting and gasping for air. "JAMES, SIRIUS, REMUS! You've got to see!" 

 "Peter! Are you alright?" Remus asked as he, James and Sirius leaped off their beds to their friends' side. 

"Get the cloak, I've found something!" Peter's eyes were wide with excitement. 

Under the invisibility cloak, the four boys crept out of the common room and Peter lead them to the third floor where he found the One Eye'd Witch.

 "It's just here," Peter said, unable to hide his excitement. Once they were sure Filch was nowhere nearby, they removed the cloak.

"Gunhilda of Gorsemoor." Said Remus, matter-of-factly. "She found the cure for Dragon Pox." 

 "You know weird things, Lupin." Sirius muttered, though he was mildly impressed.

 "Er..Real cool, Pete..." James said as Sirius rolled his eyes. "Don't really see why you were nearly wetting yourself, but-" 

"No, not the bloody statue! _Look_!" He stepped forward and ran his finger along the edge of the statue closest to the wall. "It's hollow behind it! Like a tunnel!"

 All at once, the other three boys pushed and shoved each other to get close to the statue. It was no secret that the castle had many secret passages, had Peter really just found one?

 "I think you're right, Pete-Ouch! Sirius! You're stepping on my foot!" James grumbled, shoving Sirius out of the way.

"You specky git, I want to see!" Sirius shoved back.

 "It hardly matters," Remus reasoned with them, though he too was trying to squeeze in to get a closer look. "It's not like we can get past the statue. We'd need a password."

They all stepped away from the statue, seemingly defeated.  Peter sighed, "Sorry. I got excited. I thought it was pretty cool." 

 "It'd be cooler if we knew how to get through." mumbled Sirius, who was promptly elbowed in the ribs by Remus. "What? It's true. What are we suppose to do? Guess?" 

They sat in silence for a long moment, each lost in determined thought. 

 " _Open Sesame_." James said suddenly. The other three slowly turned their gaze to him. 

"Brilliant, Potter. What's next, abra kadabra?" Sirius quirked an eyebrow.

 "Well I didn't hear you lot coming up with anything better." Said James in defense. 

Sensing that the two would no doubt begin to bicker and risk someone finding them, Remus interrupted, "No use arguing over it. I doubt it's anything we'd be able to just guess and who knows what's back there. It could be dangerous."

 "Ha!" Laughed James, sticking his chest out a little. "Danger is my middle name." 

"Shut your gob, Potter. Your middle name is _Fleamont_." Sirius snorted. 

Remus rolled his eyes, "Like I was saying, it's not like they'd just use a common spell for finding secret passages." 

 The other three stared at him blankly. 

"There's a spell to find secret passages?"

Remus blinked. "Er...yeah... _Dissendium_ ,"

 There was a distinct scraping sound of stone on stone and the four boys stared, opened mouthed as the statue of Gunhilda of Gorsemoor slid slowly to the side revealing a very narrow tunnel. 

James smirked at Remus, who stood frozen in shock. "You were saying, Lupin?" 

 "I...I...bloody fuck..." 

"Now, Remus. You're a werewolf, not a swearwolf." Sirius patted Remus' shoulder, wearing a huge grin as he stepped forward to inspect the passageway. "Well? What d'you think? Should we explore?" He didn't wait for a reply and was already two steps into the damp darkness when James and Peter replied with an enthusiastic "Hell Yeah!" and hurried to follow. 

 "You coming, Remus?" James called over his shoulder and begrudgingly, Remus sighed and stepped into the tunnel behind them.

 "It's bloody dark in here..." Peter muttered, trying hard to mask the twinge of fear in his voice echoing in the emptiness.

" _Lumos maxima_ ," Came Remus' voice from behind, and the narrow hall filled with a bluish silvery light. 

 "Heh...right...magic..." Squeaked Peter. 

The tunnel was musty and damp and seemed to be endless. It was clear that no one had been through it in many years and the only sound was that of their footsteps and a faint _drip, drip, drip_ from above.  

"How long have we been walking?" groaned Peter after what must have been at least twenty minutes. "I'm tired. How to we know this tunnel even goes anywhere at all?"

 "Quit your whining, Pete. If you're not up for a little adventure we'll just have to leave you all alone here in the dark." 

"Sirius, be nice." Remus chastised mildly. "He's sort of right anyway. We've been walking forever, this really could be a dead end or even something dangerous."

 "You don't want to turn back, do you?" asked James wearily.

"No!" Peter said, unconvincingly while Remus sighed;

 "We've gone this far, turning back would be a waste." 

Sirius turned around so quickly that James and Peter nearly collided with him. "If you want to turn back we can, Rem. I mean...you just had your....y'know...If your tired or you're not feeling well-"

" _I'm_ tired." Peter offered.

 " _You_ didn't turn into a werewolf two nights ago." Even through the darkness, Peter could feel Sirius' grey eyes glaring. 

"It's fine, Sirius. I'm alright, really." said Remus, gently defusing the tension. 

 "Er...On we go, then?" James said, clearing his throat awkwardly. And on they did go...

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a two parter! I wanted to make it longer but I have a tummy virus and I can't keep going. Hopefully part two will be up tomorrow. If not, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!


	13. Honeyduke's Cellar - Year Two

"I officially believe this is a path to nowhere." Grumbled Peter, shuffling a good five feet behind the others. James and Sirius exchanged identical looks of guilt, silently asking each other if it were maybe time to throw in the towel. Perhaps the tunnel was a trick to throw people off or a booby trap - Hogwarts was full of those.

 "Alright," Sirius sighed in defeat. "Fine, let's go-" 

 "Do you smell something?" asked Remus suddenly.

"Ugh, Peter!" groaned James.

 "Not _that_!" Remus rolled his eyes. "I smell chocolate..."

"Alright, it's time for an intervention," Said Sirius. "You're an addict!"

 "I don't smell anything." Peter muttered.

"I have a better sense of smell than you lot." Remus pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration with an exasperated sigh.

James snorted, "Like super wolfy senses?"

 "Yes." Remus deadpanned before shoving his way to the head of the group, which was no easy task in such tight quarters. Holding his wand up, the tunnel was filled with the silvery blue light and just a few feet away Remus spotted a trap door overhead. Once they were directly below, James - the tallest - was able to reach up and push the small wooden hatch open and one by one they climbed up. 

 There was a collective gasp from all four of them and a hushed "Bloody hell" from an amazed Remus as they stared at the piles of boxes and crates around them, all labeled _Honeydukes Sweets_. 

 "We must be in Hogsmeade!" Said James, grinning from ear to ear in the most devious way that was only matched by Sirius. "This is bloody brilliant! Sirius, there's the joke shop in the village! Think of all the dungbombs!"

 "The Slytherins won't know what's hit them." Sirius was practically bouncing before both of them headed to opposite ends of the cellar and plunged their hands into the barrels of candy.

 "Whoa, hold on a second!" Remus grabbed the back of Peter's shirt before the shorter boy could join the other two. "We're not here to _steal."_

 _"_ Aw, c'mon Remus!" whined Sirius, stuffing his pockets with ice mice. "No one will know. Besides, I finished your chocolate frogs two nights ago. You need to restock." 

 Remus huffed "You  _what?"_

 _"_ I'm looking for a _Morgan La Fay_ card...I'm related to her on my mother's side - Aw, Re, don't pout!" 

 "You don't just get to eat my chocolate when I'm not around, Black!" 

"Mum and Dad are fighting again." James muttered close to Peter's ear and they both snorted. 

 "What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius rounded on them. 

James shrugged. "Nothing. You two just argue like a married couple..." he smirked.

 "We don't!" 

"You do. But quit your whining, we're surrounded by enough chocolate to last til graduation...'cept Remus. It's only enough for the weekend in his case." Peter grinned. 

 When their pockets were full, they jumped back down through the trap door into the tunnel and took the long trek back to the castle and, under the cloak, back to the common room. 

 "I'm not kidding," James was saying as they dumped their stashes onto their beds. "We really should make some sort of map of the castle..think of all the other secret passages we could find! Think of how much it would help with pranks! We could charm it, too! It could tell us if the stairs were moving or if even if someone was coming! You think that's possible, Remus?" 

Remus nodded "I do, actually." he popped a few Bertie Botts beans into his mouth. "I'll look into a few spells. It really isn't a bad plan."

"YES!" Sirius nearly jumped out of his bed, holding a trading card in his hand.

 "If that's your bloody Morgan La Fay card, I will murder you in your sleep." Remus grumbled.

"Er...Nope, not at all." Sirius stuffed the card under his pillow. "Well, I'm knackered! Night, chaps!" And he shut his curtains. 

 

\--

 

None of them were particularly hungry the following morning, having all stuffed themselves with sweets. Regardless, they were pleased that they decided to go to breakfast anyway because the scene that took place was not to be missed. It started, as most scenes do, with Bellatrix Black screaming from the Slytherin table. 

Everyone in the other three houses turned to stare at Sirius, wondering if he and the other boys, now commonly known as The Marauders, had done something to contribute to the girls' apparent anguish, but Sirius simply heaved a sigh and stood and made his way to his cousins and brother.

 Both Narcissa and Bellatrix were looking positively horrified and seemed to be consoling each other as Regulus stared down at a letter from their parents. None of them seemed to notice Sirius standing their.

"Er...Alright, I'll bite. What's wrong?" Sirius asked, feeling strangely vulnerable without his friends behind him.

 "Oh it's dreadful!" Bellatrix practically wailed. "Absolutely horrid!"

"Has-Has someone died?" Sirius actually felt a twinge of panic, looking to his younger brother for answers.

 Regulus snorted "Someone may. Auntie Druella may just drop..."

"REGULUS DON'T SAY THAT! OH CISSY, WHAT WILL WE DO!?"

 Regulus rolled his eyes. "She won't die, Bellatrix! Keep your knickers on straight." he sighed and passed the letter to Sirius. "Andy's getting married. To that Tonks bloke."

"Merlin is that all? For fuck sake, you'd think the bloody world was ending with Bella screeching like a bloody banshee!"  

 Bellatrix's beady little eyes glared up at him. "He's a  _muggle!_ And he's  _POOR!"_

"...He's not a muggle, he was a Hufflepuff. His parents are muggles-" 

 " _SAME THING!"_

 _"_ And he isn't poor. He just doesn't own half the wizarding world...pretty much because between us and the Malfoys there's nothing left to own..." 

"Well congratulations Sirius," Narcissa sighed, sounding like someone murdered her best friend. "Looks like you aren't the biggest disappointment in the family anymore." 

 Sirius shrugged "Nah, it's only ten thirty in the morning. I'm sure I'll find my way back to the top of that list. I always do, eh Reg?" 

He may have imagined it, but he could have sworn he saw a hint of a smile on Regulus' lips. "Anyway, I'll let you back to your grieving. Send my condolences to mummy and daddy, then?" And he turned on his heel and hurried back to the Gryffindor table before they could stop him. 

 "Everything alright?" Remus asked, shifting so Sirius could sit between himself and James.

"Yeah. My cousin Andromeda is marrying a muggleborn. Looks like I'll have to up my game a little if I want to remain my family's biggest fuck up."

 "I'm sure you'll manage to meet their expectations. I give it a week." said James.

"I give it eleven minutes." Remus snorted. 

 

 

\--

 

Sirius stood at the door to the Slytherin dungeons that night, silently going over in his head what he planned to say. It was not in the nature of the Black family to appologize, nor was it to be forgiving. But Sirius, he reminded himself, was trying hard not to be like the rest of his family and he hoped that Regulus would find it in him to follow his lead. 

 "I got your note," The voice of his younger brother actually startled him a little, and Sirius nearly jumped before turning to face him. 

"I didn't think you'd actually come." Sirius admitted. He reached into his pocket and held out a small bundle of licorice wands. "Your favorite." 

 Regulus stared at him, stone faced. "Is this a peace offering?" 

"I...yeah, pretty much." The older boy sighed. "Listen Reg, I'm sorry for how I treated you. I just...you were right, I didn't want to feel different from you. You're my brother. and I..."

 This time Regulus didn't hide the smile. "Me too, Sirius." They both felt relief wash over them as Regulus took the candy from his brother. "Where on earth did you get all this?"

Sirius shook his head with a grin "Can't tell you that. Just say thank you and leave it at that." 

 "Thanks." He bit into a wand. "So...Andy's getting married." 

"Good for her, I say. If she's happy, why does it matter who it's with? What do you think?" 

 "I don't think it matters," Regulus said, leaning against the wall and chewing thoughtfully. "I mean, it's not like she's-er...nevermind..."

Sirius raised an eyebrow "Not like she's what?" 

 "Not like she's....the heir..." Regulus muttered, looking away awkwardly. 

Sirius frowned "So it would matter if it were me marrying a muggleborn?" 

 "I mean...it would matter more, I suppose."

"Why?" 

 "I don't know Sirius, I'm eleven years old for Merlin's sake!" Regulus actually laughed. "I mean you're not getting married anytime soon, so what does it matter?"

"...You're right. Sorry." 

 "Maybe...Maybe we shouldn't talk about family stuff," Regulus said carefully. "I'm just glad we're...you know....talking." 

Sirius smiled and playfully ruffled his brothers hair. "Me too." 

 


	14. Like a street urchin in designer robes - Summer 1973

Thirteen year old Sirius Black stared at his reflection in the mirror that hung on his bedroom wall at Grimmuald Place. He had grown this summer. He was taller, broader and his jawline had become more defined. Although his dress robes were brand new, they felt tight and suffocating and he had to loosen the collar or he felt as though he would stop breathing. Taking one last glance at himself - looking a little too much like his father for his own liking - he left his bedroom and headed downstairs to the fireplace where his mother, father and brother were waiting to floo to his Aunt and Uncle's.

 "Sirius!" Walburga scoffed, eyeing him with utter disapproval. "I just cut your hair! It's practically past your chin!"

Flipping his fringe out of his eyes, Sirius shrugged. "I like it this way."

 "I won't have you looking like a street urchin in front of every respectable Pure Blood family in Britain!"

"A street urchin in designer dress robes?" Sirius asked, quirking an eyebrow. He saw Regulus stifle a laugh.

 "Don't talk back to your mother, Sirius." His father warned without bothering to even glance at him.

"What is this bloody party even for?"

 "It's for your cousin Andromeda. And watch your tongue, boy!"

"An engagement party?" Sirius asked, genuinely surprised.

 "Don't be ridiculous, Sirius! This is not the time for your nonsense!" Said Walburga with an exasperated sigh as she and Orion stepped into the fireplace and disappeared in a cloud of green smoke. Sirius and Regulus exchanged equally confused looks before following their parents.

Upon their arrival, Sirius could instantly tell that his mother had not been exaggerating. Every Pure Blood family that his parents considered respectable surely was present at his Aunt and Uncle's lavish estate, and the string of introductions and hello's to relatives (who's name Sirius could not remember) seemed to be never ending. He was in the middle of being scrutinized for his poor posture and hairstyle by his great aunt when a tall, graceful figure in emerald robes came swooping in, a long curtain of black hair falling around him as Andromeda kissed both of his cheeks.

 "So sorry to interrupt Auntie Irma, but I simply must steal Sirius away for a moment!" She flashed her perfect white teeth in a charming smile and ignored the disdainful look the old woman gave both of them as she dragged Sirius to her father's empty study.

 "Thank Merlin you're here, Sirius! I swear I'm about to rip my hair out." She ran a hand through her dark tresses, silvery blue eyes looking tired and full of more stress than Sirius felt was suitable for a girl of nineteen. 

 "Some party." Sirius said grimly, leaning against the heavy mahogany door.

"Have you noticed anything peculiar about the guest list?"

 Sirius shrugged. "Seems like the typical Black Family Affair. Every Pure Blood family in Britain."

"And their _sons_." Said Andy bitterly, sinking into the leather arm chair behind her father's desk.

 "Oh," Sirius' eyes widened with realization as he noticed the diamond ring hanging from a chain around her neck.

"I won't do it," Said Andy from behind her hands. "I won't conform to what they want me to be. I'm marrying Ted whether they want me to or not!" Her voice shook in a way Sirius had never heard from anyone in his family and he shifted awkwardly on his feet, not knowing what to say. She looked at him and her eyes softened. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I don't mean to unload all of this onto you. I just...I haven't had anyone to talk to. Cissa and Bella won't even speak to me," she sniffled a little and took a deep breath. "I know everyone's been very hard on you since you were sorted. I should have reached out to you. I'm sorry."

 "You've had a lot to deal with," Sirius shook his head. "Besides, I've always been a disgrace to the family...So it hardly matters..."

In a swift movement, Andromeda had stood and crossed the room to him, taking his hands in hers. "No! It does matter, Sirius!" Her eyes bore into his pleadingly. "It matters because you're different from them! And what's more, you're the _heir!_ You have the power to change the way things are done in this family! Just don't ever let them change you! Promise me that?" 

 Sirius nodded silently, swallowing past an odd lump in his throat.

"I know you don't hear this very often Sirius, but I am very proud of you."

A wave of emotions that Sirius did not know quite how to place washed over him and he felt his chest tighten. He felt pity for his cousin. For his kind, beautiful cousin who had found love and was being outcast by her family for it. He also felt an odd sense of comradery with her. That feeling that he had been hoping to feel with Regulus before his brother was sorted into Slytherin. He didn't know how to respond, so he squeezed his cousin's hands and said "I'm really proud of you too, Andy." 

 Andromeda laughed and hugged him tight. "We should be getting back. I'm sure they've noticed we're missing."

"Maybe they'll think we've run off together." Sirius smirked. "They'd be ecstatic." 

 "It's a sad day when they would be more accepting of me marrying my baby cousin than a muggle born." Andy sighed.

"But that's just how this family is, isn't is? Sad." said Sirius. And together they left to rejoin the party. 

The rest of the evening was long and boring and Sirius was forced to mingle with classmates and family members with whom he shared an equal disliking. The only saving grace had been Regulus, who seemed just as unhappy as he was to be there, especially once Sirius explained that the entire event had been planned to auction Andromeda off.

 "It's not right," Grumbled their uncle Alphard who had overheard them. "An archaic tradition! _Toujor Pur_  ," he spat. "We can't just keep marrying our cousins to keep the bloodline! The next generation will have extra limbs! We're lucky the two of you turned out as well as you did." he drained the rest of his glass.

 "Thanks Uncle Aphfard." Said Sirius, holding himself up a little straighter. Alphard patted him on the shoulder,

"You're a good lad, Sirius." He muttered before accepting yet another glass of mulled wine from one of the house elves.

 

\--

 

Sirius had never been so happy to see platform nine and three quarters. Once through the barrier, he disappeared into the floods of students and parents without a single word of goodbye to his mother. It didn't take long to spot the tall lanky boy with a next of black hair.

"OY! POTTER!" Sirius shouted, waving his arms wildly over his head. James turned, grinning hugely as he ran over to meet him.

"Sirius!" He eyed his friend for a moment "nice hair."

"wish I could say the same to you." Sirius snorted, ruffling James' messy mop. "How was your summer?"

They heard Peter call to them before James could reply and the pudgy boy shoved past a few other students to catch up to them. No one had seen Remus yet.

 "He's so bloody small. He gets lost in crowds too easily." Sirius said, craning his head to search for the werewolf. "We should really just tie a bell around his neck or something."

"on who's neck?"

James, Sirius and Peter turned around and their jaws dropped. 

Remus, who had always been the shortest, had certainly grown this summer. Now over a head taller than Peter, he was just about head to head with Sirius and significantly less scrawny looking. 

"Merlin, Remus! Did you take some sort of growth potion over the summer?" Peter gaped at him.

 "Aww, ickle Remikins is growing up!" James cooed, pinching his cheeks. Remus swatted at his hand.

 "Very funny." But he was grinning.

"You know who else has grown?" Said James with a sly smirk. "Evans. If you know what I mean." he gestured crudely at his chest as they made their way onto the train in search of their compartment. 

 "Suddenly crushing on Evans?" Asked Remus. "I thought you said she was an annoying twat."

"She is. But now she's an annoying twat with huge knockers." James grinned, taking a seat by the window.

 "And that makes all the difference in the world!" Sirius added.

"How charming." Remus said flatly, rolling his eyes as the train began to move.


	15. Kohl - Year Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own The Beatles or David Bowie obviously. RIP to The late great David Bowie and of course to our dearly departed Alan Rickman. You will be missed, Always

Lily, Marlene and Dorcas were huddled together in the corner of the common room, chattering excitedly over what looked like some sort of fancy box.

 "It's a record player," Remus explained to his confused pureblood friends. "It's a muggle device that plays music. Lily must have figured out a way to make it work. Normally muggle technology won't work within the walls of the castle. The magic makes it go all wonky." 

There was a scratching noise and some static and the whole common room fell silent as they waited to see if the girls had been successful.

 _Help, I need somebody_  
_Help, not just anybody_  
_Help, you know I need someone, help_

The common room cheered and the girls squealed with excitement at their accomplishment. Sirius, who was sprawled across the couch with his head on Remus' knee, sat up looking thoughtful. 

 "This is muggle music?" 

Remus laughed. "This is  _The_ Muggle Music. The Beatles." 

 "Is all Muggle music like this?" Asked James, equally intrigued.

"Of course not. There's different genres and groups. It's just like Wizard music. Though, personally I think muggle rock is way better than wizard rock."

James and Sirius instantly became obsessed. Most of their free time was spent flipping through the collection of albums that was now permanently being kept in a trunk in the common room. By mid October, they knew nearly every song by The Beatles, Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd. Sirius' favorite, by far, was David Bowie.

 _People stared at the makeup on his face_  
_Laughed at his long black hair, his animal grace_  
  
_The boy in the bright blue jeans_  
_Jumped up on the stage_  
_And lady stardust sang his songs_  
_Of darkness and disgrace_

It was a full moon, so Remus was away and James and Peter had gotten detention for hexing Mrs. Norris. Sirius sat on the floor of the common room, cross legged and surrounded by records.

 "Well, isn't this a rare sight!"

Sirius glanced up and saw Marlene standing over him, grinning.

 "What are you on about?" He frowned. Marlene shrugged and sat down beside him.

"Sirius Black, alone and _quiet_." She laughed. "Just doesn't happen often. Where're your friends?" 

 "James and Pete have detention and Remus...he's visiting his mum. Where are yours?" 

"Lily is tutoring a first year in potions and Dorcas ran off with Dylan Abbot." 

 "Abbot!" Sirius' eyebrows shot up.

Marlene hummed. "She fancies him. And I suppose he fancies her back..."

They both fell silent and Sirius busied himself with the records once more. He knew they were teenages and that they were meant to start having interests in each other - James hadn't stopped talking about Lily's increasing breast size since they had gotten back to school, and Sirius himself would be lying if he said he didn't notice the way girls would giggle and blush when they saw him coming through the corridor. Thinking about it too much made his head spin a little and he tried to focus on David Bowie's voice instead. Marlene reached over and took the album cover of Aladdin Sane out of his hand.

 "You know, I kind of love that Bowie wears makeup. It's very....'devil may care', you know?" 

"So that's the sort of bloke you like, Mcknickers?" He said with a sly smirk. Marlene shoved him playfully.

 "Not quite as much as Bowie. But some blokes look nice! A lot of rock stars wear a kohl." Her hazel eyes lit up and she gasped. "Sirius!" 

"Huh?" He blinked at her and then jumped away. "Whoa! Hell no! I'm not wearing makeup!" 

 "It'll be fun! No one's around! No one will ever know-"

" _I'll know!_ I'm not getting all dolled up like some bird!"

 "You won't be ' _all dolled up like some bird'!_ I think you'll look really good!" She scooted a little closer and threw on a pout, fluttering her lashes at him. "Please?" 

Sirius' eyes narrowed for a moment, but he sighed in defeat. "Fine."

Marlene squealed with girlish excitement and jumped up. "I'll be right back!" And she hurried away. 

Sirius briefly considered running off, but he did genuinely like Marlene even if he found her and her friends to be insufferably annoying at times. But as far as girls went, Marlene was alright. Before he could come to his senses, she was back and clutching a small black bag.

 "That looks like a lot more than just kohl, Mckinnon." Sirius said wearily as she sat down once more, folding her legs beneath herself. She rummaged through her bag for a moment and plucked a long, thin, black pencil out.

 "Ready?"

"No." Grumbled Sirius.

 Marlene rolled her eyes. "Just open your eyes, Black...a little more...a littl-"

"That's as open as they get!" 

 "Alright, Alright!" She raised the pencil and moved even closer so he could feel her breath on his face. "Don't flinch." She warned.

"Get on with it!" He gritted his teeth.

 "Sorry!" She bit her lip, taking a deep breath in. Sirius held his breath as she brought the stick up to his eye. The seconds seemed like hours and he had to remind himself not to move when it finally touched his bottom lid. It was very strange, he decided. Not painful, but certainly not pleasant and he couldn't fight the annoyed whine that escaped his throat.

 "Oh stop it, Black! It's not that bad...Almost...done." She sat back on her heels and smiled proudly. 

Sirius bit his lip. "Er...How does it look?" 

 Marlene dove back into her bag, emerging with a small silver compact. Sirius jumped back slightly.

"What is that?" 

 She laughed. "Relax. It's only a mirror!" She popped it open and turned it to face him. "Very punk rock." 

Sirius carefully took the mirror from her and held it closer to his face. It was very subtle, but the dark black liner definitely made his eyes pop and he definitely resembled some of the artists on the covers of the albums he had grown so fond of. "Heh...That's pretty cool." 

She nodded. "It is..." 

 _New love - a boy and girl are talking_  
New words - that only they can share in  
New words - a love so strong it tears their hearts

He wasn't sure exactly what came over him in the next few silent, awkward moments. But suddenly his voice seemed to be working without any instruction from his brain and he asked "So Marlene...Do you fancy anyone?" 

A pink tinge suddenly fell across the girl's face and Sirius had to admit, she was very pretty. Whether he had closed the distance between them or she had, he wasn't quite sure. Her lips were very soft and she smelled like vanilla and spices and...what on earth was he meant to do with his hands? Oh well.

As quickly as it started, it was over and the two thirteen year olds stared wide eyed at each other as the record scratched and came to an end. 

 Sirius opened his mouth to say something and was more relieved than he had ever been in his life when he heard the distinct sound of the portrait swinging open. He and Marlene jumped apart as if they had been electrocuted as Lily Evans climbed through.

 "Hey Marls," She smiled at her friend and eyed Sirius with only slight disdain. "Black." 

"Evans." Sirius matched her tone, but kept his eyes down, hoping she wouldn't notice that he was wearing eyeliner or the sign he felt he surely must have written across his face that read 'I just kissed your best friend'. He stood hastily, "Night Marlene. Er...Thanks." And he ran off to the dorm.

His face felt like it was on fire as he plopped down on the closest bed (Remus') and stared up at the ceiling. So he'd kissed Marlene. His first kiss had to happen at some point, he supposed, but he didn't expect to feel so strangely panicked by it. He turned on his side, opening Remus' bedside drawer and stealing a piece of honeyduke's best chocolate. Was Marlene his girlfriend now? Is that what was expected? He wasn't sure he liked the idea of being anyone's boyfriend...He looked out the window, it was very late and he was very tired from all of the night's weird happenings. He wondered for a moment why James and Peter weren't back, but figured they got caught up with something and that was the last conscious thought he had.

He was woken very suddenly by a pair of hands shaking him. 

 "Sirius, wake up!" 

"Fuck, Potter...M'sleep..." 

 "Well wake the bloody hell up! We figured out how to sneak into the kitchens!" James whispered excitedly. Sirius' eyes snapped open. 

"You what? How?" He sat up, slightly disoriented as he realized the bed he was in wasn't his. 

 "We were heading back from detention and we-" Peter stopped short, staring at Sirius in confusion. "Er...Are you wearing makeup?" 

James burst out laughing and had to cover his mouth so he wouldn't wake Frank. Sirius glared "Bowie wears eyeliner." 

 "Yeah, but Bowie is Bowie," Said Peter, grinning from ear to ear. "You're just you." 

"Well, McKinnon certainly seemed to like it." Said Sirius smugly. "Right before we snogged!" 

 The laughing stopped abruptly and the two of them gaped at Sirius through saucer sized eyes. 

" _You snogged McKinnon!"_  

 "Yes," Sirius sat up slightly straighter. "And she said, and I quote, 'It's very punk rock'. So unless either of you have been getting any action, I suggest you shut your gobs about my style choices. Now, you were saying something about kitchens?" 

Even though it was closing in on four in the morning, the boys threw the invisibility cloak over their heads and Sirius followed James and Peter down to the kitchens. 

 "Tickle the pear?" Sirius hissed, eyeing James. "What on earth made you even think to try that?" he asked once they were standing in front of a giant painting of a bowl of ordinary looking fruit. 

"Right place at the right time," James shrugged. "We happened to spot a house elf doing it and we followed him in." He reached up on his toes and tickled the pear and the painting swung open.

The house elves swarmed around them, eager to serve and happy to see them. Much happier than Sirius' own house elf had ever been. They served them cakes and cookies and hot chocolate and Sirius suggested to James and Peter that they bring some back to the dorm for when Remus got back.

 "I ate some of his stash anyway." 

"You've got to stop stealing chocolate from him. He nearly strangled you the last time." Peter reminded him. 

 "That's why I suggested replacing it." Sirius defended, wrapping a few pastries up in a napkin and stuffing them into his pocket. Their stay was short, it was nearly five in the morning, and they sleepily said their goodbyes and thanked the house elves once more before slipping the cloak on and started back towards Gryfindor tower. 

They were nearing the stairs when they heard the clicking of shoes walking fast paced down the corridor and a mix of hushed voices.

"Minerva, he's lost a lot of blood. There's got to be something else we can do to help him." 

 "Not much we can do, Poppy. Poor dear. All we can do is make him comfortable and heal him back up..." 

Sirius, James and Peter ducked into the shadows, holding their breath so they wouldn't be heard as Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall rushed down the corridor in the direction of the Hospital Wing followed by a figure that looked like a student floating on an invisible stretcher. The student, they realized immediately, was Remus. 

They stayed still and silent until their head of house and the medi witch were gone. 

 "We need to follow them." Sirius whispered urgently. 

"They'll never let us see him." Peter shook his head.

 "We need to try. He's our best friend. We need to see that he's alright." James said, nodding to Sirius in agreement. They ripped the cloak off and ran as fast as they could to the infirmary where all three of them began pounding on the door until a startled Madam Pomfrey came and opened it. 

"Boys! Keep it down! I have patients! Is something wrong? are any of you hurt or ill?" 

 "We have to see Remus!" James insisted. 

Madam Pomfrey's eyes widened and she looked flustered but she quickly composed herself. "I'm sorry, Mr. Potter. I can't allow you to see him right now. He's very ill and-" 

"But we know that he's a werewolf!" Said Sirius.

Pomfrey gasped and looked around to be sure there was no one else within earshot. "Mr.Black! Keep your voice down! Now I don't know how you boys know about Mr. Lupin's condition, but since you do know then I assume you are aware of exactly why I cannot allow you to see him at the moment. Now, unless one of you have fallen ill or have been injured, I must ask you to leave!" 

 "We aren't leaving." Peter said, bravely. But when Professor McGonagall appeared over Pomfrey's shoulder, that bravery faded slightly and he shrunk back behind James and Sirius. 

"Boys," Said McGonagall, calmly. "Now is not the time. I'm not going to ask you what on earth you're all doing out of bed at this hour, but I'd like all three of you to return to your dormitory immediately. It's barely sunrise. After breakfast, assuming that Madam Pomfrey approves, you may return and visit with Mr. Lupin. Is that clear?" 

The three boys deflated slightly. "Yes Professor." They murmured, and they turned and headed back to Gryffindor tower. 

"Did you see how pale he was?" Peter whispered once they were back in the dorm.

 "Pomfrey said it's only getting worse." James mumbled miserably, climbing into his bed and setting his glasses on his bedside table.

Sirius laid on his bed, staring at Remus' empty one and chewing nervously on his lip. "...We've got to do something." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY! Okay, so I really loved this chapter! I hope you enjoyed the little bit I threw in for the Blackinnon shippers before I shoot them down with the canons of the SS Wolfstar! The boys are finally starting to become the marauders we know and love! Thanks for sticking with me this far! The real adventures are going to begin! Please continue to leave kudos and comments! Also if you have something you'd like to see in this story PLEASE feel free to leave suggestions! xoxo


	16. How long could it last - Year Three

It hurt to move. It hurt to _breathe._ It even hurt to think. Remus mentally sighed with the sad realization that he was indeed awake. Every inch of his body was screaming in agony and he was sure he had several more broken bones and, judging by the burning feeling in his side, some new permanent scars as well. There was a ringing in his ears that only made his headache more unbearable and someone was causing quite a racket on top of that...

"No, Mr. Potter, He is not awake yet! No Mr. Black, you can't just see him anywa- Mr. Pettigrew I can see you trying to sneak past!" 

 To his surprise, Remus felt a smile tug at his lips. Even though he felt anxious about the idea of his friends seeing him in this state, it felt nice that they cared so much and he knew that if they were determined enough to do so, there was nothing Madam Pomfrey could do to stop them. After a few more moments of arguing, he heard the nurse let out an exasperated "Fine!" and the sound of three pairs of foot steps came rushing in. 

At first, there wasn't a sound. Remus knew that silence very well. It was the stunned kind that everyone had the first time they saw him after a full moon.

 "Wow..." Peter breathed. 

"He looks awful." Said James painfully. 

 "You're no catch yourself, Potter." Remus croaked, managing a small smirk.

"Remus! You're awake!" Sirius' voice sounded thick and full of worry. "Are you alright? Do you need anything?" 

 Remus blinked a few times, letting his eyes adjust to the stark white light on the hospital. "Oh I'm great. Just peachy..." he shifted and flinched. "Fuck."

"Language, Mr. Lupin!" 

 "Sorry Poppy..." He struggled to roll onto his side and Sirius made a motion to reach out. "Calm down, Sirius. I'm alright. You're acting like someone's mum." he squinted, something looked different. "...Are you wearing eyeliner?" 

"MARLENE SAID-" 

 "It's very punk rock..." Remus smiled weakly and saw Sirius relax. "It looks good."

"Mckinnon did it." Said Sirius, blushing a little. 

 "Right before they snogged!" Peter announced excitedly.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "You snogged Marlene? Eyeliner, snogging... Merlin, I'm away for a night and Sirius goes wild." 

"You're a git." Sirius laughed shakily. Remus watched his friends as they stood awkwardly, avoiding his eyes. 

 "Hey...I'm alright, really." He assured them. "I'm pretty use to it. I just need to rest, that's all." but the three other boys didn't look convinced. 

"We want to help you." Said James quietly. 

 Remus shook his head. "That's really nice of you...but there's nothing you can do. I appreciate you all even being my friends. It's really all I could ever ask for." But secretly he wondered just how long their friendship could last. If they were ever to see just how much of a monster he really was, there was no way they would stay with him. 

 

 


	17. A Guide To The Most Advanced Transfiguration - Year Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Remus won't like it." He warned.
> 
> "By the time Remus even knows what we're up to it'll be too late for him to stop us." countered Sirius.
> 
> "Besides," Peter reasoned. "It's for his own good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry. I know it's been ages since my last update. I've had wedding planning and I've been off my medication and very stressed. But I'm doing alright now and I'm working past the writers block that I've had with this fic. I promise I am not abandoning it!

 

"James," Sirius hissed for the third time in attempt to get his best friend to look up from his parchment. Still, James ignored him. 

"James!" A little more urgently, Sirius elbowed the bespectacled boy sharply in the ribs.

 " _What, Sirius_!" James finally set down his quill. "I'm trying to take these notes for Remus!" 

"But that's what I wanted to talk to you about-" 

Sirius was cut off when the subject of said notes, a grey tabby cat with rectangular markings around the eyes, strode across the classroom and transfigured mid-stride into their Professor. 

"Mr. Black, was there something so important you had to say to Mr. Potter that it couldn't wait until after the lesson?" 

Sirius blinked, faltering for only a beat before he grinned at her. "I was just telling Jim here how utterly impressive you are, as usual." 

Professor Mcgonagall did not seem amused. Sirius continued, "And just how exactly does one become an animagus, Professor?" 

The older witch smiled dryly at him, peering over the thin rim of her glasses. "Through hard work, Mr. Black. It takes a lot of time, skill and dedication to master the unique magic of becoming an animagus. And that means," she said pointedly, "Paying attention in class." She gave them both a meaningful look before continuing with her lecture. Beside him, James quirked an eyebrow.

"I have an idea." Sirius said with a determined smirk as he leaned his chair back on its hind legs and turned his focus back on the lesson at hand.

 

-

 

"You want to _what_?" Peter stared, mouth agape and unblinking.

The three of them (Remus was tutoring first years in charms for extra credit) were huddled on James' bed working on their latest project when Sirius finally announced his plan.

"I want to become animagi." Sirius repeated, seeming proud. Then he frowned for a moment and pointed to a spot on the parchment that lay between them. "This tunnel lets out further east, Pete. Here, by the portrait of Wendessa The Wild." 

 James waved him off. "Bugger the map for a moment! Are you crazy? What on earth possessed you to want-" 

"To help Remus of course!" said Sirius, as if that were obvious. "Werewolves only hunt humans. So if we _aren't human,_ he can't hurt us and we can be with him during the full." 

Both James and Peter were silent, staring at him as if he had suddenly sprouted an extra head.

 "You're barking." Peter stated flatly.

James sighed. "Look, Sirius, your heart's in the right place. We all want to help make Remus' transformations easier on him, but you heard what McGonagall said. It takes years and a lot of advanced magic." 

 "Not to mention you'd have to be registered." Added Peter. 

Sirius clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Fuck the legalities! No one even has to know but us! We're the top students in every class-" 

"You haven't taken a single note in any class since first year." Muttered James.

 "Precisely! And I still get top marks!" Sirius was grinning from ear to ear, his excitement couldn't have been more obvious if he had had a tail to wag. "Just imagine if it was something I were actually interested in learning!" 

The other two boys exchanged an unreadable look and Sirius let out an exasperated sighed.

"I'm going to try whether you two join me or not," He said seriously, crossing his arms defiantly over his chest. Then, with a sly smirk he added "I guess you two aren't up for the challenge."

 There was another silence, but something in James' hazel eyes changed and he matched Sirius' smirks.

"Remus won't like it." He warned.

 "By the time Remus even knows what we're up to it'll be too late to stop us." Sirius countered, eyes glinting mischievously.  

"Besides," Peter reasoned. "It's technically for his own good." 

 

-

 

As it turned out, becoming an Animagi was even more complex than any of them could have imagined. And keeping the secret from Remus was even more difficult. In the following weeks they took advantage of the werewolf's tutoring schedules to go behind his back to pull books from the restricted section. 

"A month!" Said Peter in disbelief, pointing to a page in Masters Of Morphing - A Guide To The Most Advanced Transfiguration. "We're suppose to keep a madrake leaf in our mouths for a month straight! How are we suppose to eat?"

 "That would be your concern," James shook his head. "I'm more worried about how we go about that without Remus noticing. Or worse, McGonagall."

"We'll figure that out when we get to it." Sirius said hurriedly as he looked on in mild disappointment. "Look at these potions ingredients, though. Slughorn won't have this sort of stuff in his store..." 

The door to the dorm room opened and the boys quickly scrambled to hide the evidence of their restricted reading. Peter pulled out the half finished map and laid it out between them as they tried their best to appear as if they had been focused on that all along.

 "Hey Remus!" Peter squeaked, just a pitch too high for nonchalant when the other boy entered the room. Sirius elbowed him sharply in the ribs. 

The werewolf stared at them for a moment. This wasn't the first time he had walked in on his friends acting suspicious. In fact, in the last few weeks Remus had started to feel a strange distance between them, like they were hiding something from him. He had tried to put it out of his head and blame it on low self esteem, but something wasn't sitting right. 

"Er...Hey..." He slowly dropped his belongings onto his four poster and turned to face the others. He nodded towards the parchment they were huddled around. "You're working on the map without me?" he tried to keep the disappointment from his voice. 

 Sirius blinked at him. "Wha-? Oh! No, not really. Just, you know, throwing some ideas around..." he went to lean casually against the headboard, missing by about half a foot and nearly slipping off the bed. 

 Remus frowned. "Is everything alright?" He asked cautiously. "You're...you're acting a bit odd..." 

James forced a chuckle "Now, Remus. This is Sirius we're talking about. He's always a bit odd." Sirius flipped him two fingers. Remus didn't seem to buy it. An awkward silence had fallen between the four of them, broken only once Sirius faked a yawn and a dramatic stretch. 

"Well Mates, it's late. I'm knackered!" He announced, rolling off of James' bed and flopping down onto his own in almost one motion. 

"Me too!" Peter followed suit. 

 "Yeah," Said James, faking a yawn himself. "We've got divination first thing tomorrow. Need to rest up our inner eye, don't we?" He swung his curtains closed.

Remus stood frozen in the middle of the dorm, glancing back and forth from each scarlet-draped bed. "Oh...Okay." He said to no one in particular. And feeling lonelier than he had since he first got to Hogwarts, he went to his own bed. 

 

-

Remus could not sleep that night. This was it, he felt. The beginning of the end. They'd finally gotten bored with him, no longer wishing to wait for him when he spent half the time sick from transformations, and the other half of the time trying to get extra credits in class by tutoring younger students. He wasn't around much anyway, so the loss wouldn't be felt for them if they just moved along without him. He always thought they would eventually tire of him. He had chalked it up to poor self esteem over the years of growing closer to his friends, but deep down he knew it was only a matter of time. 

After all, it wasn't as if they particularly _needed_ him. James and Sirius were the smartest students in their year, maybe even the whole school. They could do anything they put their minds too, especially together. And with Peter there to encourage them and drive their already skyrocketing egos, they really were an unstoppable force. What was Remus to them anyway? Their pet werewolf...A voice of reason, he would argue, if the two raven haired boys ever bothered to listen to what he said. 

He huffed, turning onto his other side and curling further into a ball. He shouldn't feel so disappointed. "It's not like I didn't see it coming." He muttered into the darkness.

"Saw what coming?" The voice startled Remus for only a moment before he relaxed with a sigh. "Sirius?"

Without skipping a beat, the curtains of Remus' bed slid open just enough to allow the other boy to slip through and kneel on Remus' bed. 

"What are you doing up, Sirius?" Remus asked softly, not looking up from his hands in his lap. But he knew that Sirius shrugged. 

 "Same as you. Couldn't sleep. Scoot." He waved one hand to motion for the werewolf to move over. Remus did without hesitation and Sirius climbed under the covers with him.

Remus stared at him, unblinking with his wildly inhuman gold eyes. 

"So why couldn't you sleep?" Sirius asked finally, staring back with his own intensity.

Remus shivered slightly. At first he thought it was those icy grey eyes that Sirius had. The ones that made it so easy for Remus to want to spill out every last thought in his head. That stare that told him that Sirius probably already knew what he was thinking, so why not tell him the truth? Then he realized- 

 "Sirius, get your bloody freezing feet off my thigh!" He kicked the boy, who laughed maniacally and tucked the blocks of ice he called feet behind himself. 

"Sorry, mate." He smirked. 

 Remus rolled his eyes "What are you doing here? You usually only come to my bed if you've had it rough with your family or you've heard me having a nightmare." 

Sirius considered this, searching Remus' eyes for something unknown to the werewolf before he propped himself up on his elbow to face him completely. "Are you cross with us?" 

Remus gaped at him "I...Cross with you?" 

Sirius nodded "And James and Pete. Are you mad?" 

The auburn haired boy shook his head, incredulously. "Why would I be mad at you?"

"You seemed upset before. And now you're not sleeping-" 

"You're sort of preventing that, Sirius-"

"-You weren't sleeping anyway, Remus." Sirius' eyes narrowed. Remus groaned in frustration. Why was Sirius so infuriating sometimes? 

"I'm not mad at any of you." Remus said honestly. "I just...I feel like you lot have been keeping something from me. And then I come in to you working on the map...you promised you'd wait, that's all. I hate missing out on things because of....because of what I am."  He finished, looking back down at his lap. Beside him Sirius was chuckling. The bastard. 

"What is so funny?" Remus asked a little defensively. 

"Remus, we aren't purposely leaving you out of anything ,alright?" Sirius grinned.

"Then why are you always sneaking off while you think I'm not around? You're keeping secrets. I know, I am the Master of Secret Keeping." 

Sirius sighed and laid back onto the pillow. "Alright, we have been hiding something." 

Remus watched him closely. The way his tongue darted out to lick his dry lips, the look in his eye that looked like he was debating something. Finally he met Remus' gaze. "I can't tell you what it is." He said sternly. "I just need you to trust us."

Remus folded his arms "I've heard that before. Usually ends with us scrubbing cauldrons." 

Sirius sat up and, much to Remus' surprise, grabbed his hand. "I need you to trust _me_ ,Remus _."_

 

 Remus' breath hitched slightly. He had never seen Sirius look so....serious. He cleared his throat past the lump that had formed there. "Can't you at least tell me what it's going to do with?" 

Again, Sirius tongue swiped across his bottom lip. "I'm just going to promise you that what we are working on is for your own good. It's going to help you-" Remus tried to pulls his hand away;

 "Sirius, there is nothing you  can-" 

But Sirius had a tighter grip. "-I promise you, Remus." He gazed at him, eyes pleading. "You just need to trust me..." He swallowed. "You do, don't you?" 

Yes, He thought. He did trust his friends. But more than anything, he trusted Sirius. Sirius, with his piercing gaze and his warm, large hand still squeezing his own for dear life.   
Remus nodded. "I trust you, Sirius." 

With one last grin, Sirius sat up "Excellent. Don't worry, Moony my good man! You'll be back in the loop, all in good time!" He disappeared behind the curtains.

Remus was slightly taken aback. "What did you call me?" 

Sirius poked his head back in and smiling like a fool. "Moony." He repeated. "I've decided it's your new nickname. It's catchy." 

 "It's stupid." Remus muttered. "It'll never stick, you know." 

Sirius shrugged. "Whatever you say. Night, Moony." he winked and crossed back to his own bed.


	18. Broken Hands, Firewhiskey and Muggle Games - Year Three

"Boys! We go through this every month," Madame Pomfrey explained through painful exasperation to the three young Gryffindors that had been pounding on the Hospital wing door since dawn. "You may come back after breakfast to see Mr. Lupin. It is too early to be letting visitors into the infirmary. You shouldn't even be out of bed at this hour!" 

 "We'll be really quiet," Peter promised hopefully. "We just want to see him-" 

"He isn't even awake yet, Mr. Pettigrew." 

 "We aren't going to bother the other patients. We just-" 

"Mr. Potter, my answer, as always is no. And Mr. Black, before you even bother, my answer is _still no!"_

Sirius looked mildly affronted. "I didn't even say anyth-" 

"But you were going to." Said Pomfrey sternly. "Now, unless any of you are feeling ill or have injured yourselves, go back to your dormitory immediately."

 For a split moment Sirius seemed to want to argue, and James and Peter were prepared, as they always were, to back him up. But instead, much to their surprise, Sirius turned around, appearing to have given up.

James frowned. "Sirius, what-" 

 And then without so much as a second thought, Sirius let out a frustrated cry, balled up his fist and punched the stone wall of the corridor as hard as he could. 

"Mr. Black!" Pomfrey gasped, clutched at her heart in shock at the same time as James and Peter just stared, jaws and eyes wide open. 

 Sirius took a deep breath and turned back, cradling his bloodied hand with his good one. He looked the medi-witch straight in the eye and said, through gritted teeth. "I'm injured." 

 

-

"You did  _what?"_ Remus' face was a mix of horror and bewilderment as his friend explained just what he was doing in the next bed over. "What on earth possessed you to-" 

 Sirius shrugged. "She wouldn't let us in to see you." His right hand was bandaged up. He had broken three fingers, but you'd never guess from the satisfied grin on his face. 

"So you broke your hand?" Remus laughed. 

 "Technically just his fingers." Peter corrected, trying to hold back his amusement.

 "And got himself a weeks worth detention," James grumbled, perched on the edge of Remus' cot. "You're missing the Quidditch finals, Mate. You're going to miss me clobbering Slytherin." He shook his head in annoyance. 

"Small sacrifices, Jamie." Sirius smirked, leaning back against the pillows. "I'm sure you'll play just fine without me there to cheer you on in the crowd. I'll make it up to you, eh?" 

 Remus was still in shock. "I still don't understand why-"

"I did it for you, Moony." Said Sirius, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. As if anyone would go about breaking their bones just to so they'd be allowed into the infirmary to see their friend. 

 Remus rolled his eyes at the nickname, but he had given up on fighting it months ago. He sighed. "Sirius, you can't just go beating yourself up every month so she let's you in to see me." For some reason he couldn't fight the smile tugging at his lips. Foolish as it may have been, he couldn't believe someone would do anything like that for him. 

"Ah, but I won't have to!" Sirius informed him, proudly. "Because she's agreed to allow us special visiting privileges with you after the full moon." He gave James nod as he emphasized once more. "Small sacrifices." 

"Fine." James conceded, still seeming mildly put out. "But you owe me."

 Sirius waved him off with his good hand. "Of course, yes. Don't worry, James. Just because I did something nice for our little Moony doesn't mean I love you any less." 

James shook his head and Remus groaned. 

 "Seriously, why am I the only one with a stupid nickname?" 

Sirius laughed. "Remus, I promise. The day the rest of us suddenly start turning into animals once a month, you can call us whatever you want." 

 "Very funny, prat." 

 

-

 "DORCAS MEADOWS HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS THE QUIDDITCH CUP!" 

The crowd cheered wildly around them as the Gyffindor Team landed their brooms and dog piled on top of Dorcas. 

Remus and Peter squeezed their way past the hoards of students and teachers in the direction of the locker room.

"Sirius is going to be pissed he missed this one," Peter said, face still flushed from the wind at the top of the stands. "Think he's back from detention yet?" 

 Remus nodded. "I'm sure he will be once we get to the dorm. James has been making him feel pretty guilty about not being there, and this was nearly a shut out. He'll be reeling." He chuckled at the thought of James badgering the other boy about how unfair it was of him to miss out on his win of the Cup. But there was something in the back of Remus' mind, some strange, proud little whisper, that couldn't help but be a little smug he was the reason. That Sirius had risked  being there for something that was important to his best friend in the entire world, James Potter, just so Remus wouldn't wake up alone in the hospital wing after the full moon. 

After James emerged, grinning like a mad man from ear to ear, they headed back up to Gryffindor tower. "And did you see that interference from Malfoy? Total bullocks! I'm sure he feels like a right git trying to pull that one off and still losing!" He was practically bouncing as they climbed through the portrait hole. "Oi, Black! You missed- Sirius?" 

Sirius wasn't there. And he wasn't in the dorm either. 

 "That git. There's no way he's still in detention." James said grouchily, throwing his Quidditch robes which went flying and landed on Remus' bed. 

"Gross." Muttered the werewolf in mild annoyance. He flicked his wand and sent the robes into James' hamper.

"He's probably in the kitchens or something." Peter suggested with a longing sigh. "I hope he's in the kitchens. I'm starving. I hope he brings back something good." 

 "Well he'd better not miss the victory party." James huffed before grabbing his towel and heading to the shower.

 It wasn't until hours later, when the party was in full swing, that Sirius finally entered the common room with a grin and his book bag, which seemed much more full than any of them had ever seen it. 

 "And where the bloody hell have you been all day?" James asked, grabbing Sirius in a headlock. "You miss my big game for detention and then disappear? I should mess your bloody perfect hair up for that one, Black." 

Sirius laughed and shoved him off. "You'll be thanking me in a minute, mate. Take a look." He opened the bag for James to see.

 "Shit, Sirius!" Gasped James. "Where in Merlin's-"

Sirius smirked and shook his head. "Not telling. The point is I got it. Ready to make this a real victory party?"

 Remus and Peter exchanged confused looks, until James reached into the bag and pulled out what seemed to be one of many bottles of liquor.

The two dark haired boys turned to the rest of the common room and James whistled loudly for everyone's attention.

 "Gryffindors! In celebration of our, dare I say, legendary defeat of Slytherin this evening, breaking their 3 year winning streak and probably their poor slimy little hearts," a few people whooped and hollered in response to that. "My incredibly generous and resourceful best mate has provided us with provisions!" He held up the bottle. "Firewhiskey!" The common room filled with loud, excitable cheers. "Ladies, feel free to thank Sirius properly, eh?" James threw in a wink and Sirius snorted and punched his arm. 

 James and Sirius set the bottles out on the refreshment table. Remus was surprised at just how many bottles Sirius had managed to get and he had to wonder exactly where he had managed to get it from. No one would be selling a fourteen year old boy alcohol. But he put the thought out of his mind when Sirius came and slung one arm casually around his shoulder. 

 "What d'you say, Rem? Want to get trashed?" 

Remus laughed. "Not trashed, no. But I'll take a little bit I suppose." He took the open bottle from Sirius' hand and took a swig. It burned and made his eyes water and he choked a little. "That's disgusting." 

 Sirius nodded, still grinning like the Cheshire cat and grabbed the bottle back from him. He tilted his head back and took a long drink. Remus grimaced. "Have you done this before?" 

"Nope." Sirius practically giggled when he finally lowered the bottle. "Hey!" He shouted in surprise as said bottle was promptly stolen from his hand by Marlene McKinnon. 

 "Impressive, Black." She shook the bottle teasingly before bringing it to her own lips. 

"Marlene!" Said Lily, in what Remus supposed was suppose to be a scolding tone, but the red head seemed slightly intrigued as well. 

 Marlene laughed. "Oh come on, Lily...you know you want to as well!" She took nearly as long a drink as Sirius before holding it out to her friend. Lily still looked unsure.

"Yeah, Evans. Live a little!" Shouted James from across the room. He was passing his own bottle to Dorcas. 

 Lily eyed Sirius suspiciously. "Where'd you get it?" 

A sly smile spread across Sirius' face. "If I tell you, will you take that stick out of your arse and have some bloody well deserved fun with us, Evans?" 

 Emerald green eyes narrowed on the dark haired boy for a moment. "I'll pretend you didn't just insult me, Black." She smiled a little. "But yes." 

"I nicked it from my cousin's stash. Well known fact, dear Auntie is an alcoholic and doesn't notice when Cissa packs some bottles away for the school year."  Sirius shrugged. 

 Lily pursed her lips. "And...how did you get into the Slytherin dorm to steal said liquor?" 

Sirius wagged a finger at her. "Uh uh, Evans. You asked where it came from and I told you." He held the bottle out to her. "A deal is a deal. Remove the stick." 

 

-

 They weren't sure what time it was. Most of their housemates at already retired to their dorms. 

Sirius, James, Remus and Peter sat on the floor in front of the fire, leaning heavily against each other. 

 "I'm so glad we're all friends though," Sirius was saying, his words slightly slurred and resting his head on James' shoulder.

"You're drunk, mate." James snorted. 

 "So'r you." Sirius argued with a slight pout before switching to Remus' shoulder instead. "Remus...Remus, you're glad we're all friends, right?" 

Remus nodded solemnly, he could feel how wide his own eyes were. What a question... "Yes. Yes of course I am. Jamie, why're you being so mean to Sirius? Tell him you're glad we're friends." 

Peter giggled "You're....you're all- _hic_ -"

 "Peter I will give you five galleons if you can even finish that sentence." Said James, only slurring at just the very end of his words. All four of them laughed. 

"Well, look at what a fine mess we've got here..." A sing-songy voice interrupted. Marlene plopped herself down to sit cross legged across from them, followed by Dorcas, Lily and Mary McDonnald. "The Marauders are utterly zonked, aren't they?" Her cheeks were pink and her eyes were glassy. 

 "And you're not, McKnickers?" Sirius challenged. 

The girl laughed, nearly toppling over. "Oh I am." 

 Lily put a hand on her friend's shoulder to steady her. "Fancy a game, boys?" 

James sat up a little straighter and ran a hand through his hair. "What kind of game?" 

"It's a muggle game." Said Lily, holding up one of the empty bottles. "Truth or dare." 

 

 

 


	19. Game On - Year Three

"Someone spins the bottle, and whoever it lands on picks Truth or Dare. If they say truth, they have to answer any question truthfully. If they say dare, they have to do whatever the other person dares them to do." Lily explained once they were all seated in a circle around the bottle.

 Sirius scoffed. "What do you mean _have to?_ It's just a silly muggle game. It's not like the bottle's been charmed to _make us-_ "

"Do you want to play or not, Black?" Lily fixed him with an impatient glare.

He huffed and sat back. "Fine." 

 Lily spun first. It landed on Marlene. 

"Truth or Dare, Marls?" 

 Marlene took a brief moment of consideration before she decided. "Truth." 

Lily gave her a sly smile. "Have you kissed anyone?" 

 Quickly, and probably unnoticed by the girls, Marlene and Sirius' eyes met from across the circle. The girl turned slightly pink and nodded. "Yeah. I have." 

It started out rather silly. Peter was dared by Mary to write a love sonnet for Professor McGonagall to be recited at breakfast in the morning. 

 "If you had to pick another house to be in, which would it be?" Peter asked Remus when the bottle landed on him. 

"Hufflepuff." Said Remus, chuckling to himself. "It's closest to the kitchens."

 "I dare Potter to give Black a lap dance!" 

"Just how big _are_ your knockers these days, Evans? _Ow_! What? You said we could ask anything!" 

 "Mary, I dare you to do your best impression of Professor Slughorn." It was actually quite impressive. 

The game continued for quite a while, well past the point where they had began to sober up. Mary spun and James picked truth. 

 "Alright...I really need to know," Mary giggled. "What are you talking about when you ask Remus about his 'Furry Little Problem'?" 

Remus felt every nerve in his body tense, but James didn't miss a beat before he replied;

 "Remus has a horribly behaved rabbit back at home. Destroyed his mum's garden. Isn't that right, Rem?" 

Remus laughed as relief washed over him. "Yeah. Cottonball is a real nightmare..." 

 James' spin landed on Marlene. 

"Dare." 

 "I dare you to kiss one of the girls." Said James with a satisfied grin. 

Lily rolled her eyes. "Real mature, Potter."

 "I had to give Sirius a lap dance!" James argued. Sirius winked and blew a kiss at him, earning a rough punch to the arm. 

Marlene just shrugged. "Fair is fair, I suppose. Any of them?" 

James nodded, looking far too excited. "Yeah." 

  Everyone was silent for a moment as Marlene seemed to weigh her options, being sure to make quite a show over her 'thoughtful' expression. James and Peter were both practically leaning forward in suspense and Sirius was resting against the leg of the couch, arms folded with an air of amusement. Remus just watched, feeling a little awkward about the entire thing. 

"Alright, Meadows. Pucker up." Marlene teased, shifting onto her knees to face her friend. 

 "Oh I'm flattered!" Twittered the smaller girl, fanning herself dramatically. They both giggled before leaning in and pressing their lips together in a very quick and simple kiss. More giggling followed as they parted and sat back down. 

 "Happy, Potter?" Said Marlene.

James was still wide eyed, but he nodded. "Yeah that was great. Brilliant. Encore."

 Marlene rolled her eyes. "Not on your life. You can pick your eyeballs up off the floor." She leaned forward and spun the bottle. It landed on Sirius and she laughed devilishly. 

"Oh Excellent. Truth or dare, Sirius?"

 "Oh Marls, why even bother asking?" Sirius' voice was practically a dare in itself. 

"Alright. Fair is fair. Two of us kissed. I want to see you kiss one of the boys then." 

 The other girls all nodded and hummed in agreement and Sirius barked with laughter. 

"Is that all? Can't even come up with anything creative?" He shook his head and clicked his tongue. "Honestly, I'm disappointed."

Sirius heaved himself up with a dramatic sigh and turned to face the other three Marauders. Remus laughed to himself and turned his head to look at at James, wanting to see the look of dread on the bespectacled boys face when being kissed by his best male friend. But then there were fingers cupping his chin, directing his face upwards, and with only a split second to register the wink Sirius gave him, he was being kissed. 

Remus froze. His eyes went wide and his entire body went ridged and time seemed to stand completely still as he felt Sirius' warm lips, parted just slightly and tasting so strongly still of firewhiskey, covering his own. 

 And then it was over, just as quickly as it had started. Sirius pulled away and Remus could have sworn the room got at least ten degrees cooler, even though his face felt like it was on fire. He blinked a few times, staring at Sirius who's face looked momentarily as confused as he felt before his usual grin broke out.

Sirius turned back to the others. "See? No big deal." 

-

 

Remus couldn't sleep. He kept touching his lips. 

His first kiss had not only been part of a silly game, but it had been with one of his friends. 

His male friend. 

And he...was relatively sure he didn't hate it. 

 _It was just a silly muggle game._ He thought desperately.  _You were tired, you were still probably drunk._

He couldn't understand what would have made Sirius kiss him instead of James. James was Sirius' best friend, and surely that was what Marlene had originally planned, to get back at James. 

 _You're thinking into it too much._ He told himself.  _It was a game. a dare. Sirius wouldn't have done what everyone expected. You're fine. You're not...you're not gay or anything..._

He groaned and turned onto his other side.  _Great...Bad enough being a werewolf. Now you're very possibly a gay werewolf. Can't you just be a little normal?_

There was a soft click, the sound of the dorm room door being closed, foot steps and a creak as someone stepped over the loose floorboard by Sirius' bed. The foot steps paused and Remus held his breath. The curtains of his own bed rustled and he felt the bed dip as the weight of another person was added. 

 "Remus, are you awake?"

_Just pretend you're asleep._

"I can tell your faking it." Sirius said quietly. 

Remus slowly exhaled. "Then why did you ask?"

"Dunno. Seemed like the polite thing to do." He squeezed himself in to lie next to Remus. 

Remus snorted. "Wouldn't the polite thing to be to go to your own bed? It must be nearly dawn..." He turned to face the other boy. "Are you just getting to bed now? Everyone else came up ages ago." 

"Yeah," Sirius propped himself up on his side. "Sorry. I just...I was talking to Mckin- Marlene..." Even in the dark, Remus could see that Sirius' face seemed a little troubled. "I've asked her to be my girlfriend." 

An uncomfortable silence fell between them. Remus felt something in his gut that was almost like being punched. He cleared his throat. "Oh...Er...Congratulations, I suppose?" 

"Yeah..." Sirius started pulling at a thread in the blanket. "I mean it makes sense, right? Me and Marlene?" 

 Remus sighed. "I don't know Sirius, do you feel like it makes sense? You like her, don't you?" He smacked Sirius' hand. "Stop that, you'll unravel the whole bloody thing." 

Sirius groaned and flopped onto his back. "Yeah, I like her. Better than any other bird, I suppose. And I kissed her that one time and that was alright."

 Remus watched him. He wasn't sure what Sirius wanted him to say. Was he looking for approval? Was he looking for someone to tell him it was a stupid idea and that girls still had cooties or something? "Why are you here, Sirius?" 

"What do you mean?" 

 "I mean, why are you in my bed at four in the morning asking me whether or not you should date Marlene McKinnon?" There was the slightest bite to Remus' voice. He didn't know where it came from or why he couldn't stop it. 

Sirius made a strange noise in his throat. "I...I don't know...we've always come to each other at night to talk..." he frowned. "Are you mad at me, Moony?" 

  _Yes_. Remus wanted to say, even though he didn't fully understand why he would have any reason to be. But he sighed and shook his head. "No, Sirius. Of course not..." He paused. "I just...I think we're getting a little old to be crawling into each other's beds at night. Don't you think?" 

Sirius didn't say anything, but he also didn't move. 

Remus bit his lip. "I'm just saying...we're fourteen. We're ending our third year...you've got a girlfriend." The word seemed weird to say. "Shouldn't we be sleeping in our own beds?" 

 After a long, agonizing moment, Sirius sat up. "Yeah." He said quietly. "You're probably right." He stood. "Goodnight, Remus." 


	20. It's not a threat, it's a promise - Year Three

If Sirius was completely honest with himself, he had never really given the idea of dating much thought. He could appreciate when James would point out a good looking girl in a magazine, or when Peter would talk about the cute Hufflepuff, Emmeline something or other, but he really didn't have any urge to go ahead and do anything about it.  
  
Marlene was his friend. Or at least more so than any of the other girls in school. They had the same taste in music and style and she didn't look at him like he ought to grow up whenever he and James made an inappropriate joke or played an innocent prank on Snape. And besides, they had kissed already and it had been...decent, hadn't it?  
He wondered if perhaps kissing was like drinking firewhiskey. Strange at first and sort of gross, but maybe it would start to feel good if he just kept doing it. An acquired taste.

It wasn't that he didn't find it fun, mind. Sneaking around the back of the greenhouses for a snog gave him a similar thrill to being out past curfew, under the cloak with his mates as they placed dungbombs under the Slytherin's table in the Great Hall or searched for secret passages to add to the map. And he supposed it was pretty cool, as far as bragging rights went, when Marlene let him put his hand up her skirt in the broom closet.  
He just wished her lips gloss wasn't so sticky.

Also, being someone's boyfriend seemed to take up a lot of his free time. Time he usually spent helping the others with the map or, more importantly, researching and practicing the spells he, James and Peter needed to master to become animagi.

And then there was was that night with Remus. Sirius couldn't help but feel that his friend was angry with him about something. The following morning Remus had apologized, blaming exhaustion and alcohol for his poor reaction to the news and congratulating Sirius once again on asking Marlene out. Sirius accepted it, but it still didn't feel right and Remus seemed distant for the next few days.

Sirius couldn't put too much thought into whatever was wrong with Remus, though. Finals were next week and Sirius, James and Peter were trying to get as much studying for animagi as possible while Remus was distracted with exams.

Sirius was heading back to the Gryffindor tower after a rather heavy make out session with Marlene when he overheard two familiar and cringeworthy voices.

"He's so weird. There's something up with that kid. He fell asleep in the library again..."

"I've heard he's ill. Potter and Black probably just hang around him out of pity. We should hex him while he's not being protected by those two-"

Sirius cleared his throat loudly as he rounded the corner, eyes narrowing on Snape and Avery who quickly drew their wands.

"You were saying, gentlemen?" Sirius asked briskly, hand secured on the wand in his back pocket.

"None of your business, Black." Spat Snape, eyeing the other boy with complete disdain.

Sirius chuckled darkly and took another step forward. "That's where you're wrong, Snivellus. You were talking about my friend. That makes it very much my business."

Avery looked Sirius up and down and smirked. "What are you going to do about it, Black? You're alone out here. You don't have Potter to back you up."

"I don't need back up to do what I will do to you if you don't leave Remus alone." Threatened Sirius, his hands clenching tightly into fists. He was about to pull his wand when he heard footsteps coming down the hall and the distinct meow of Filch's cat. Avery gave Sirius one last dirty look before turning around.

"Let's go Sev. He's not worth it." He muttered. Snape nodded and went to follow but Sirius grabbed him by the back of the robes.

"I mean it." He said, keeping his voice low. "You leave him alone, and you mind your own business, or you'll regret it."

Severus glared "Is that a threat Black?"

Sirius smirked. "It's a promise." And he released the other boy, turned on his heel and headed in the direction of the library.

Madame Pince gave him her usual warning look as he entered and he flashed his most charming smile. "Not to worry, I'm not here to cause any trouble today." He leaned on his elbows on the librarian's desk. "By any chance, have you seen-"

Pince's face softened slightly and she pointed towards the back. "He's that way. Last table on the left. The usual spot."

"Cheers, Irma."

She raised an eyebrow at him and he coughed. "Sorry. Madame Pince." And he headed down the long row of dusty old books until...Ah, there he was.

Practically drooling all over his arithmancy notes, Remus was indeed fast asleep. Sirius smirked and perched himself on the corner on the table. He watched his friend for a moment. It seemed almost a shame to wake him, he looked ridiculously peaceful considering what an uncomfortable position he must be in. His hair, always lighter in the warmer months, was falling into his face and his lips were parted slightly. His lips looked really soft, Sirius noticed, immediately feeling odd about that thought. Perhaps it was because he wasn't use to looking at lips that weren't slathered with sweet, sticky goop anymore. Girls, he decided, were very strange.

Smiling to himself he started humming that ridiculous song from one of Evans' records.

" _In the forest, the forbidden forest the werewolf sleeps tonight_..."

Amber eyes, still slightly yellow around the edges from the previous night's full moon, snapped open. "Bugger off, Sirius..." Remus grumbled, shoving the other boy off the table. "Those aren't the words."

Sirius laughed. "I like mine better. Though I suppose you're asleep in the library, not the forest. But that wouldn't fit..." He watched as Remus yawned and stretched. "Come on, Moony. Study time is over for you, mate."

Remus sighed and rubbed at his bleary eyes. "I can't. I'm so not ready for-"

"You're exhausted, mate." Said Sirius, his tone soft and concerned. "You know all of this. You're smart, you've done all your work for the year plus some of mine," he chuckled. "What you need is rest."

"Easy for you to say." Remus muttered, packing up his books and drying the drool off his notes with his wand. "You and James never have to study."

Sirius shrugged "pureblood gift I suppose. Growing up surrounded by it all...I guess it comes rather natural." He helped straighten up Remus' papers. "Seriously though, if you didn't have...everything else going on...you'd probably best both of us."

The werewolf smiled tiredly. "Thanks, Sirius." Then his head tilted and he laughed a little "Er..you've got..."

Sirius frowned. "What?"

Remus laughed harder and pointed to his neck. "Guess you and McKinnon are getting on well, eh?"

"What are you-?"

"You've got a massive hickey, Sirius!"

He felt his face heat up a little and his hand want to the spot on his neck that Remus had pointed to. He huffed. "You're just jealous."

Remus' laughter died and he went a little pink. "What?"

Sirius gave him a smug look. "You're jealous that I'm getting action and you're not." He shrugged. "It's alright. You'll get your turn, mate. Probably long before James at least. Poor bugger..."

Remus just shook his head and picked his bag up with some difficulty. Sirius frowned.

"Hey, let me..." He reached forward, hand landing on Remus' shoulder. The lighter haired boy hesitated for a second before slipping the bag off his shoulder and handing it over.

"Thanks, Sirius." He rubbed at his shoulder a little as they headed out of the library.

"You hurt it last night?" Asked Sirius, full of worry.

"Dislocated." Remus nodded, then when he saw Sirius' eyes go wide, quickly added. "It happens all the time. Usually when I'm changing back and all of my bones are shifting and-"

Sirius stared at him. Remus had never gone into detail about his transformations before. He knew it was painful, he had read about it enough when they were looking for information. But hearing his friend talk about it made his stomach churn.

Remus' voice trailed off and he blushed and looked away. "Sorry...you probably don't want to hear about all that."

Sirius shook his head. "No, it's just...it sounds awful. I'm just really sorry you have to go through it. You don't deserve that, Remus."

"Well," Remus forced a smile. "It is better these days, at least knowing that when I wake up, you lot will be there."

-

  
"There's no way she'll go for it." Sirius said for the tenth time as his best friend shoved a quill and parchment at him.

"How do you know unless you ask? We've got work to do, mate. We can't go the whole summer without doing anything or we'll never nail this." James insisted.

Sirius sighed. He knew James was right, but he also knew that writing to his mother for permission to spend a few weeks of the summer at the Potters' probably wasn't going to get him anywhere.

"You won't know unless you give it a shot," said Peter. "If she says no, we'll figure something out. But at least ask."

Sirius bit his lip. "It's really not as easy as all of that with my family..." But he started writing anyway. At least if he wrote to her beforehand and put the idea into her head, he wouldn't have to spring it on her in person and wait for the blow out that would follow.

"I'll break you out myself if I have to." Said James, leaning against Sirius' bedpost. Sirius snorted. He could only imagine that. James Potter flying his prized Cometstrike7 to Grimmuald Place and rescuing Sirius like he was a damsel in distress.

"Yeah. Sure you will, Potter." He shook his head, folding up his letter and stuffing it into the envelope. "My knight in shining armor, you are." He hopped off his bed, stepping over the pile of books and laundry he had yet to pack away in his trunk for tomorrow's ride home, and headed out of the dorm.

Remus was coming through the portrait just as he hit the bottom of the stairs. He smiled.

"Hey. Where you off to?"

Sirius held up the letter. "Owlrey." He stuffed it back into his pocket. "Want to come for a walk?"

Remus shrugged in a 'why not' sort of matter and followed Sirius out.

"Mind if I ask who you're writing to on the last night of school?" Asked Remus in a conversational type way.

Sirius groaned. "James wants me to ask my mum if I can spend a few weeks at his over the holiday. I figured I have more of a shot giving her a heads up and time to think on it rather than just coming right out and asking..."

Remus hummed thoughtfully. "James is a pureblood though. Still not acceptable company for the precious heir, eh?"

"The Potters, in my family's opinion, are just as bad as The Weasleys." He shook his head. "'Muggle Lovers', 'Blood Traitors'...you know. All that."

Remus nodded along. "I see...so-"

"Sirius!" Marlene came running towards them and Sirius couldn't help feeling just slightly disappointed. "Hey Remus."

"Hello Marlene." Said Remus politely.

Marlene smiled prettily, lips shining. "Where're you headed, love?"

Sirius gritted his teeth for a moment before smiling back. "Er...going to send some mail, that's all. I'll be back up in a bit."

"Oh." She looked slightly disappointed for a split second, then smiled coyly. "I was actually going to see if you wanted to find a place to..." Her blue eyes landed on Remus for a moment.

Remus cleared his throat. "Er, you know what...I actually have to finish packing. So...Sirius, why don't you bring Marlene down to the Owlrey, yeah?"

Sirius blinked, slightly confused before it all added up in his head. "O-oh! Er...yeah. Great. Thanks Re...I'll just..."

"I'll see you later." Remus finished for him. "Good night, Marls."

"Night Remus!" She called after him. "Thanks!"

 


	21. Jackpot - Summer 1974

_Sirius,_

_Are you alright, mate? I haven't heard from you in weeks. I'm starting to get a little worried. I guess your mum didn't take it will when you asked to stay with me for the summer. Mum and dad said they would come and get you if they needed to...try to get back to me, eh?_

_Best,_

_James_

_-_

_Sirius,_

_Is everything alright? James is sort of freaking out that you haven't answered him. I think he might actually show up on your doorstep of you don't write to him soon. To tell the truth, I may even beat him to it. I hope you're alright. I hope these letters don't get you in trouble or anything..._

_Hope to hear from you._

_Remus_

_-_

_J,_

_Think your parents can bring you to Diagon Ally next Saturday?_

_S._

-

_Sirius,_

_Yeah mate. Definitely._

_James_

 

_-_

 

_Remus,_

_I've got a response from him. He asked me to meet him at Diagon Ally on Saturday but that's all he said. But hey, at least we know he's alive, right? I'll keep in touch. Don't stress yourself out so close to the moon. You've got enough on your plate without worrying about Sirius._

_Cheers,_

_James_

 

 

-

Sirius always hated going into Borgin and Burkes with his father.

The shop gave him the creeps and Mr Borgin's beady black eyes made his skin crawl. He felt like the man could see straight into his mind or something. He and Regulus always stood unusually close to each other and tried not to move around much when their parents dragged them into the store for whatever unknown reason they had to be there.

"Fuck," Regulus breathed as he looked into one of the glass cases towards the front of the floor. "Sirius, look at this."

 Sirius grimaced. "I'd rather not. Stay away from there, you never know what's cursed in this place, Reg."

The younger brother rolled his eyes. "It's behind glass, Sirius. Honestly, I thought Gryffindors were meant to be brave."

 "Yeah. Brave, not gullible." Sirius muttered, letting his eyes wander. He hadn't been there since he was a little kid, but the place was just as spine tingling as it had been back then. He was about to excuse himself to wait outside, regardless of the lecture his parents would undoubtedly give him later about being rude, when a sign suddenly caught his eye that read ' **Apothecary** '. He glanced over at the backs of his parents who were talking in hushed tones to Mr. Borgin and casually strolled over to the small section of the store that held rare and potentially dangerous potions ingredients. His eyes went wide.

  _Jackpot_.

 A tight hand on his shoulder broke him from his excitement. 

 "Come along, Sirius." Said his mother. She was giving him a suspicious look, as if she knew he was plotting to assist a half blood werewolf with the products he had suddenly become so interested in, and lead him out of the store. 

 Once they were out in the narrow street of Knockturn Ally, Sirius cleared his throat.

 "Er, Mother? I actually need some things from Diagon Ally for my homework...since we're here." He held his breath, silently begging whatever deity may be that his excuse was believable enough.

 Regulus frowned and eyed him questioningly as his parents took a moment of consideration.

 "Alright, Sirius." Orion conceded, though slightly skeptical and Sirius had focused all of his energy on holding back the sigh of relief that desperately wanted to escape him. 

 As they crossed to Diagon Ally and the streets opened up, Sirius walked a little faster and scanned the crowd. 

  _Where are you, Potter..._

What is it you need, Sirius?" Asked Walburga impatiently as her son seemed to jet past every shop in the ally.

 "Er...the lens on my telescope's cracked. I just need to-" 

 " _Sirius_!" 

 This time he couldn't control it and he felt his entire body slump for a second, the stress alleviating from him, as his best friend came bounding toward him, enveloping him in a bear hug so tight he heard his joints crack.

 "Alright, mate?" James muttered quietly before letting him go, eyes scanning him briefly to check for any signs of something being terribly wrong.

 "Yeah, fine." He could see James' parents heading towards them and he knew his own were watching the whole scene with absolute disapproval and disdain. 

 "Hello Sirius, dear." Mrs. Potter smiled warmly at him. Her brightly colored robes were such a contrast to the dreary practical ones his own family wore. He had met James' parents a few times at Kings Cross and when they had come to a few of their son's Quidditch games. They were always very kind and welcoming to him, never once giving him the initially weary once over that most other wizards gave him when they heard the name Black.  "Orion, Walburga," she said, meeting the stare of the other woman. "How nice to see you. We were so disappointed when we didn't get a response from Sirius about spending the holiday with us." There was something in her tone that Sirius couldn't quite place, but it was fiercely challenging. He risked a look over his shoulder at his parents, both of whom seemed offended at the mere sight of the Potters, even though they were one of the most highly respected pureblood families in Great Britain. Sirius felt an abrupt rush of embarrassment. 

 "Euphemia. Fleamont." Said Walburga curtly. "Funny, I don't recall receiving the invitation." 

 Sirius wished he was old enough to apparate so he could disappear from the very spot. He averted his eyes from James'.

 "Oh," James' mother kept a bubbly air of polite conversation, though Sirius could tell she was doing it to purposely irritate Walburga. "Well, it must have been lost then. You know how flighty Owl Post can be." 

 "Yes." Said Walburga, barely moving her lips. "Flighty." 

Sirius was frozen in absolute terror, but his eyes locked on Regulus' for just a second before the younger boy intentionally dropped his gaze. 

 "So then," Mr. Potter said briskly, placing a hand on both James and Sirius' shoulder. "Since we happened to bump into you, what do you say? Think we could steal Sirius away for a few weeks?" 

 Bravely, Sirius risked a glance at his parents, both of whom stood rigid as statues with near expressionless face. At long last, Orion gave a short nod. "Yes. Of course." He said at last, though when his piercing grey eyes landed on his son, Sirius felt as though his insides had turned to ice. 

 "Excellent." Euphemia chirped with a flash of an overly cheerful smile. "We'll just send for his things then."

 "Right then," Fleamont Potter's hand on Sirius' shoulder squeezed gently. "Sirius, say goodbye to your parents and we'll be going." 

 Sirius bit back a groan of absolute dread and stepped forward. He kissed his mother's cheek, gave his father a brief nod and muttered a thank you to both of them. He turned to Regulus. 

 "Reg, I-"

 "See you at school." Regulus muttered, eyes firmly planted on the ground, and he and their parents left. 

 Sirius felt his heart lurch in his chest as the weight of Regulus' words sank in. Then James' arm was over his shoulder.

 "Hey," He urged. "You okay?" 

 Sirius nodded and looked back to The Potters. 

 "I'm sorry." He said quietly. His voice sounded small and foreign to him. "I did write them and ask. They knew about it, they just-"

 Mrs. Potter shook her head. "No need to explain, love. Now, why don't you boys run and get some ice cream. You can meet us by The Three Broomsticks in an hour, alright?" 

 James took Sirius by the arm and lead him away. Neither of them said anything as the walked through the crowd, but once they were far enough away from James' parents, Sirius stopped and pulled his friend aside. 

 "I'm sorry I didn't write. They've been watching my every bloody move." He ran a hand through his shoulder length hair and pulled slightly. "I don't know what the hell they thought I'd be up to but the idea of me spending the hols with your family just drove them to think I was going to start a revolt against them or something. I don't-" 

 James grabbed him by the shoulders. "Mate, it's fine. I figured it was something like that, you just had me worried. You _are_ alright, aren't you? They didn't-"

 "No!" Sirius insisted, almost too quickly. He sighed. "No. Just some mild house arrest type of treatment. May as well have shipped me off to Azkaban, though honestly I think I'd have had a better chance of escaping there on my own." 

 James smirked, looking relieved that Sirius had found his sense of humor again. 

 "Anyway when they started talking about needing to go to Knockturn, I figured that was my best chance to meet up with you." Sirius explained. 

 James' smirk faded and he quirked an eyebrow. "What would they need in Knockturn?"

 Sirius shrugged dismissively. "Bugger if I know. They're always in and out of Borgin-" His eyes went wide as he suddenly remembered. "Borgin and Burkes! James! I've found the ingredients we need!"

 James looked confused and his head fell slightly to the side. "Wha-"

  "What we need for the potion part of becoming Animagi, you prat!" Sirius' excitement had completely replaced the awful feelings of anxiety that had been plaguing him since he first returned home for the summer.  "Remember, it was a bunch of that stupid rare stuff we couldn't find in Slughorn's stores? I bloody found it at Borgin and Burke's!" 

 "Great," James forced out, giving him a strained look.

 Sirius slumped. "Look, I don't want to go back in there either. But I don't know when or where we'll find-" 

 "Whoa," James put his hands up defensively. "I never disagreed. Obviously we have no choice, we need those ingredients. But fuck if I'm going to go skipping down Knockturn ally in a fit of girlish joy over it."

 Sirius threw on a pout. "You won't skip with me, Jamie? I'm wounded, really."

  James snickered and smacked him lightly in the head. "Git. Let's get this over with. Remus better appreciate what we're going through for him."

 "Once he's done lecturing us on how irresponsible and insane we all are, I'm sure he'll be positively smitten. Let's go."

 -

  "Blimey this place is spooky," James all but whispered as they entered the shop. 

 "I know," Sirius said, once again suppressing the involuntary shudder that seemed to come over him every time he came in. They walked like they were glued together at the arm, carefully avoiding the ghastly objects that seemed to radiate pure darkness. It reminded Sirius of when he and Regulus were kids and both afraid, instead of this new Regulus that seemed more intrigued. He lead James to the Apothecary.

 "What was it we needed?" He asked quietly, gazing at the different jars and vials.

 "Er," James thought for a moment, also looking over everything in front of them. He pointed. "There. Fermented Acromantula Eyes."

 Sirius grabbed an empty vial and measured the correct amount. Both boys made a disgusted face at the long stream of slime that didn't seem to want to break off. 

 "That's gross." James shuddered. "Bleh." 

 "We need to _ingest_ this shite, mate." Sirius grimaced. 

 "...Ugh, Remus is doing my Ancient Runes homework for a bloody year after this."

 "Same." Sirius agreed solemnly. "What's next?" 

 "Powdered dragon scales." 

 A dark shadow loomed over them and an oily voice interrupted. 

 "Can I help you, gentlemen?" 

 They both slowly turned to face Mr. Borgin, who's face went from a suspicious scowl to a dark grin as his beady eyes landed on Sirius. 

 "Ah, young Master Black." The old man drawled. "How very unexpected to see you back..." 

 It took a second for Sirius to compose himself, but he swallowed and straightened his posture to that more suitable of someone being called 'young master'. 

 "Yes," He cleared his throat. "I...I needed some ingredients." He explained lamely. 

 The man's grin widened. "I see. And what is it you're brewing, Master Black?"

 Sirius' face fell, but he kept his stance. "I hardly think that's anyone's business but my own, Mr. Borgin." 

 Borgin actually seemed impressed for a moment as he considered the young men in front of him. "Of course, Sir." His eyes went to James, who did his best not to shrink down under the haunting gaze. "Right then, gentlemen. If you have any questions, just ask." The old man left them and they both let out a long breath, sharing a relived look between them before gathering the rest of what they needed. They paid for their stash with as little conversation with Borgin as possible and hightailed it out of the shop.

 

 

 


	22. Summer 1974 part 2

The _tap tap tap_ on the window made Lily look up from her homework. Lying flat on her stomach across her bed, she did her best to give her older sister a smile.

"Petunia, could you open the window for Titania, please?"

Petunia peered over the top of her magazine with what Lily had started to believe was a now permanent scowl. "No." She spat venomously. "That ruddy thing is probably full of diseases, you know."

Lily took a deep breath and set down her quill. She slid off her bed and crossed to the window to allow the copper colored barn owl inside. The bird hooted happily, landing on the redhead's arm and nuzzling it's soft, feathered head against hers. "She is not," she sighed, kissing Titania on the beak and taking the letter that was tied to her leg. "Are you, Tani? No of course not." She cooed.

" _Bleh,_ " Petunia pulled a face at the display. "Can't you have a normal pet, Lily?"

"Tani is perfectly normal, thank you very much." Lily defended, being careful to keep her voice level and not show her sister just how much it hurt to have every aspect of her life criticized. She carefully set Titania in her cage to eat and sat back on her bed to read the letter. She smiled to herself.

"It's from that boy again, isn't it?" Petunia asked with a sneer. "That freaky boy you're always with. The one from the park..."

Another deep calming breath and Lily nodded shortly. "It's from Severus, yes."

Petunia shook her head in disapproval. "He's the absolute worst part about your whole...creepy life." She shuddered. "He gives me chills. There's something not on about him, Lily. Even for your lot-"

"Petunia," Lily snapped at last, spinning to face her sister. "Enough. Severus is a good friend of mine. The first friend I had at school! The only person who understood me when yo-" she held her tongue. "Forget it."

Petunia had finally put down her magazine, having finally gotten a rise out of her sister. "What? When I what, Lily? Go ahead, what on earth did I do to you? I'm not the one who gave you freaky powers and made you different than the rest of your friends and family at home! I'm not the one who sent you off to some boarding school in another country so you could just learn to be even more strange-"

"I AM NOT STRANGE!" Shouted Lily as the anger finally surged through her. There was a loud crash as the vase on the windowsill that held a handful of wildflowers suddenly smashed without having being touched. Lily gasped, color draining from her face and Titania screeched in her cage from the scare.

Petunia looked smug. "Freak."

-

"It's bloody hot out here," Sirius groaned, lying out in the grass in the Potter's large property. He was shirtless and they had already gone for a dip in the lake an he still felt like he wanted to rip his skin off. He sat up and tied his damp hair up with the elastic around his wrist.

"Can't we do this inside?" Asked Peter. The pudgy boy was sweating and feeling highly uncomfortable.

James sighed. "You know we can't. My parents might find it and then we'd be screwed." He was hotter than either of the other boys since he was the one currently leaning over the boiling cauldron.

"Could have at least found a place in the shade." Grumbled Sirius. The Potter's estate was so large that there were acres of heavily wooded areas. But they needed a place to hide the potion as well so that no one found it and no animals got to it. The abandoned shed in the yard was perfect, but the boys were relatively sure the sun permanently hung directly over that area to taunt them.

"Look, we're almost done with it for the day and then we can swim again or go inside or something." James wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. "Pete, could you stir for a bit? Sirius and I both had a go already."

The smaller boy groaned and lifted himself into a sitting position. "I can hardly move, mate. It must be clear over a hundred degrees out here."

Sirius snorted. "You can't move because of all those extra crepes you ate for breakfast, lardass."

"Don't call me names!"

"Or what?" Sirius laughed. "You'll sit on me?" He stood and walked to his friend, offering his hand and pulling him up with just a little difficulty.

"You're a prick, Black." Peter said breathlessly. Sirius clapped him on the back, then wiped the sweat from his hand on his shorts.

"That I am, Pete. Family trait, I'm afraid. Now go on and get stirring. Give James a break. Counter clockwise for ten, clockwise for twenty." He reminded him.

"I know, I know." Peter sighed, taking the handle from James.

James sucked his teeth for a second. "Yeah, you say you know but then the bloody cauldron overflows and we need to start all over. We haven't got enough ingredients or time for another screw up, mate. Just...be careful." He smiled reassuringly at him.

Peter began to stir, quietly counting under his breath. James sat cross legged beside Sirius and they both kept an eye on Peter.

"So have you written back to McKinnon at all?"

Sirius sighed and picked at the grass.

"Sirius, you've got to at least answer the girl's letters." James laughed. "She's your girlfriend."

"I _know_ she's my girlfriend." Said Sirius, mildly annoyed. He just didn't really know what to say to her and he didn't find what she had to say very interesting. She was on holiday with her parents in Australia, which was cool he supposed, but he couldn't exactly tell her what he was up to.

James hummed thoughtfully. "Truth or dare, Sirius."

The other boy snorted. "You serious?"

"No, you're Sirius." The pun was already old and dead, but they all still used it. "Truth or dare?"

Sirius blew his fringe from his eyes. "I'm too bloody hot to move for a dare." He said honestly. "Truth I suppose."

James smirked, he had been counting on that. "Do you actually like Marlene like that, or are you just going along with it because you feel like you ought to?"

" _What_? Of course I like her. I snogged her all the time last year, didn't I?"

"Alright, alright, you don't need to be so defensive about it." James said lightly. "You just don't seem to be holding interest, that's all."

Sirius shrugged, still carefully watching Peter stir and count. "Out of sight, out of mind?"

James nodded. "If you say so."

"Er...is it meant to change colors like this?" Peter asked nervously. James swore under his breath and jumped up to assist him.

-

"I don't see why you're still letting her get to you, Lily." Said Severus, watching the girl slump over miserably on the swing set.

"She's my sister, Sev." Lily sighed, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth and blinking tears away from her bright green eyes. "You wouldn't understand. You haven't got siblings."

Severus shrugged and leaned against the metal pole of the structure. "Who cares? Blood is meaningless. You make your own family in this life. Especially when you're clearly superior to-"

"Don't say things like that." Lily said sternly.

"But it's true." Severus argued. "You are superior. You've got magic and she's just a muggle. Ordinary. Boring."

Lily frowned at him. "My parents are muggles, same as her. My whole family. I wish you wouldn't speak so ill of people without magic, Severus." She folded her arms. She had to wonder sometimes what he would think of her had they met under different circumstances. Had she not been born a witch instead of a muggle like the rest of her family. Would he still have wanted to be her friend? Even if everything else about her stayed exactly the same...was magic the only reason he thought she was worth anything?

Severus looked down, honestly feeling just a little ashamed for upsetting Lily further. "I'm sorry. You're right, Lily. I just...I was trying to make you feel better."

Lily nodded. "I know, Severus. It's alright." She smiled at him. "Thank you. And thanks for coming to meet me here."

He smiled back. "Always."

-

"This literally looks like someone barfed, then ate it and barfed again." Sirius said flatly, staring at the slimy greenish brown substance in his glass.

Peter actually gagged a little. "Why did you have to put that idea in my head, Sirius? I'll never be able to get this down now that you've said it."

"Well you haven't got a choice, mate." James sighed, swirling his glass and notching how little the thick concoction moved. "No backing out now. We've been busting out arses over this for weeks. We've wasted the whole summer."

The three of them looked up at each other, all wearing similar expressions of disgust. They were hesitating.

"...I mean...it's worth it, right?" Peter said shakily. "For Remus?"

The other two nodded solemnly. "For Remus."

None of them moved to drink, all waiting for each other to make the first move.

"Some brave Gryffindors we are." Peter grumbled. The others silently agreed. This was silly. They should just suck it up and knock it back and it would be over in minutes.

Sirius cleared his throat. "Er...perhaps we should get some juice or something to wash it down?"

James shook his head. "We can't. We can't have anything after for two hours."

They all fell silent again.

"Hey," Peter said finally, smiling just a little. "Bet I can drink mine faster than you two gits, eh?"

All three of them laughed. James and Sirius exchanged a clear look of accepting the challenge.

"One..."

"Two..."

"Three!"

It turned out, Peter really could drink it faster than either of them. And yes, it did taste like vomit.

 


	23. Just a dream - Year Four

_He felt hot all over..._

_Almost like that feeling he had when he was eight and he caught dragon pox, but more pleasant. There were soft, warm lips on his neck making his skin tingle and the hair on his arms stand on end. He moaned as those lips found his own and let his hands wander over narrow hips. Teeth caught his bottom lip and he gasped, allowing a sweet tasting, slick tongue enter his mouth. He could taste tea and honey and chocolate. Then lips were gone and he felt more empty than he had in his entire life. Until he saw them...those bright, inhuman amber eyes_...

Sirius Black woke up with a start, panting heavily and covered in sweat. 

"Fuck." 

-

 

He had been having these strange dreams for weeks now, and he had been trying to deny what they were. He decidedly chalked it up to the potion doing strange things to his mind. That must be it. The typical hormones of a fourteen year old boy, mixed with an intense potion that was meant to cause extreme changes to the human body and mind, plus all the focus on Remus to motivate himself for said potion...

That was normal, right? 

"Have either of you been having weird dreams since we took that potion?" Sirius asked quietly as they followed Mr. and Mrs. Potter through Kings Cross to the platform. 

 James and Peter glanced at each other and then back at Sirius. "No." 

"Why? What kind of weird dreams are you having?" James asked, adjusting his glasses. Sirius was never so happy to see the barrier between platforms 9 and 10 before, and he took the opportunity to run ahead of his friends and cross through to 9 3/4.

It didn't give him much time to think of an answer, as James and Peter appeared behind him within seconds. They said their goodbyes to James' parents and walked towards the train.

 "So," James grinned and nudged Sirius with his elbow. "Are they _good_ dreams? Cause I've got to tell you, Sirius. That's not the potion. That's puberty, mate." He wagged his eyebrows and Peter laughed.

Sirius scowled at them. "Would you stop? Forget I mentioned anything." 

 "Oh so they _are_ that kind of dream then!" 

"I mean it, Potter." Sirius growled. 

 "Were they about McKinnon?" Peter asked eagerly. "You've got to tell us, Sirius. That's what friends are for."

Sirius huffed. "You two are literally the worst, you know that? Honestly, don't you have your own bloody fantasies to think about without having to mooch off of mine? And what d'you-" He frowned. Both other boys' eyes had gone wide and their jaws had dropped. "What are you gawking at?"

"Remus!"

 Sirius felt his heart stop. Did they know? Had he somehow given it away? "W-what about Remus?"

There was a low chuckle behind him and a familiar, yet different voice said. "I'm behind you, you prat."

 Sirius spun around and came face to....chest with Remus Lupin.

His own mouth fell open and he had to actually tilt his head to meet Remus' eyes. He took a step back. The other boy was just over a head taller than him now, his jawline had gotten stronger and he looked like he had spent a decent amount of time in the sun this summer, giving him a much healthier glow than Sirius was use to seeing on him. It wasn't helping Sirius' current predicament at all.

Remus was snickering to him self, undoubtedly amused by his shocked friends. "Er...Hey lads."

 "Aw, ickle moonykins had a growth spurt!" James teased with a grin. "See, Sirius? You're not the only one that's getting beat with the puberty stick."

Remus rolled his eyes at James and gave Sirius a quizzical look. "You alright, Sirius? You're staring."

 Finally shaking himself out of his stunned stupor, Sirius glared at the...very tall and suddenly quite broad werewolf. "What on earth did you do this summer? Were you injected with...with giant's blood or something? What are you...? How did you...?" 

Remus raised an eyebrow "Does my height personally offend you, Sirius?" he smirked. 

"Sirius is just jealous because you got tall and all he's got is wet dreams." Peter grinned, causing James to nearly double over with laughter. 

Sirius' face heated up and embarrassment curled in his stomach. His eyes narrowed the other two boys. "James still sleeps with his stuffed lion at home!"

 James' laughter died immediately, but Peter and Remus roared.

Sirius smirked, crossing him arms in satisfaction. "His name is Gordy and sometimes when James is asleep he sucks on the ear - _oof_!" The wind was knocked out of him as James sucker punched him in the gut.

 Remus wiped tears from his eyes. "Alright, alright...we're going to miss the train. Let's go." He walked ahead of them and boarded the car. The four of them found their usual compartment and took their seats just in time for the train to start.

"So other than James' bedtime buddy and Sirius'...special dreams..." Remus said coyly. "How was your summer?" 

James and Sirius both scoffed and sunk down in their seats. 

Peter gave Remus a quick runaround of their summer at the Potters', skirting around the details of brewing a dangerous and illegal potion in the back shed of course. Remus told them about his own summer. He had gone for a short trip to the shore with his parents, but he spent most of the holiday helping his elderly neighbor work in her vegetable garden. That would explain the tan, Sirius thought, and the...well...let's just say Remus wasn't quite so scrawny anymore. He watched Remus' lips as he talked and his tongue darted out to wet his own as the dreams from the last few weeks flooded his mind. 

 "Sirius?"

He jumped. "Huh? What?" 

 "I asked if you had heard from Marlene at all over the summer?" Remus asked, frowning slightly. "Are you alright? You look flushed..." 

He nodded. "Oh yeah, I'm brilliant. Just-" 

 "Anything from the trolley, dears?" Smiled the plump witch, pushing the cart of treats.

"Yes!" Sirius said, practically jumping from his seat and plunging his hands into his pocket for some money.  _Safe._

-

As the train pulled into the station, Sirius felt dread wash over him. Arriving at school meant attending the feast, and attending the feast meant sitting at the Gryffindor table. And Marlene would obviously see him and want to know why he hadn't answered any of her letters over the summer.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Remus asked him for the third time as they climbed into a carriage. "You've seemed out of sorts." 

 Sirius chewed anxiously on his lip. "...I didn't answer Marlene's letters all summer." He admit. 

Remus knitted his brows together. "Why not?" 

 "I've been trying to get him to talk about it all summer, Remus." James said, shaking his head. "I kept telling him this was going to happen. It's not like you can avoid her now that we're back, Sirius." 

"I know, alright!" Snapped Sirius. "I fucked up. I get it." he looked miserably out the window of the carriage. "Maybe I'm just not cut out to be someone's boyfriend."

 "Don't be silly," Said Remus, giving him a reassuring smile. "It was only your first shot. It doesn't mean anything."

He supposed that Remus was right. But it didn't make him feel any better about the whole thing. They hopped out of the carriage at the front of the castle and as luck would have it, there stood Lily, Mary, Dorcas and of course, Marlene. He held his breath, preparing himself for the worst, but the girl just smiled brightly at him. 

 "Hi Sirius." 

Sirius blinked. "Er...Hi Marls. Um...Nice summer?" 

She tucked  a long strand of dirty blonde hair behind her ear and Sirius noticed a flash of silvery metal through the pale flesh there. That was new. "Yeah, it was great. You got my letters?" 

He swallowed and nodded, shifting awkwardly on his feet and rubbing his neck. "Yeah, listen, Marlene...I'm sorry I didn't write back. I just-"

She laughed lightly and shook her head. "It's fine, Sirius. Really. I understand. No hard feelings, I promise." She leaned in and kissed his cheek and felt felt himself relax. "See you at the feast then?" 

Sirius' lip twitched up in a half smile. "Yeah, see you." And he watched and she and the other girls entered the castle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooooo! two chapters in one day! Honestly this chapter was basically written because i am trash and I needed to start the preparations to get the Wolfstar Ship sailing...Don't be fooled, we're still a long way off from these two pining pups finally admitting they have the hots for each other, but we've got the ball rolling!  
> Thanks for all the love and support! you guys are awesome and inspiring and you keep me going! I totally live for your comments so please, keep them coming! Sorry this chapter was kind of short. It was really just filler and wolfstar bait lol


	24. I just realized - Year Four

James Potter liked to think of himself as a relatively good judge of character. 

 There was rarely a time that he met someone, and couldn't immediately tell whether or not he would get on well with that person. For example, regardless of the things one hears about the Black family, it had taken him less time than a train ride to school for him to put all of that aside and become friends with Sirius. He and Sirius became so close so quickly, people would have sooner believed they were brothers rather than Sirius and Regulus.   

Similarly, the discovery that Remus Lupin was a werewolf never waved James' opinion of his friend. Remus was still Remus. He was one of the kindest, fairest and hilariously sarcastic people James had ever met. Not to mention he was a bloody genius when it came to pranks and figuring out loopholes in the rules to get away with said pranks. The fact that Remus, by no fault of his own, turned into a bloodthirsty beast once a month did not change any of that, so why should it affect James' friendship with him? 

A lot of people were quick to judge Peter as well. Just because he wasn't as charismatic as Sirius and James or as quick witted and personable as Remus, other students seemed to write the smaller, pudgier boy off. James had taken to Peter nearly as quickly as he took to Sirius, though perhaps not as strongly. Peter was always the first to throw in an idea for a prank, no matter how small or simple it may be, but it often got the ball rolling for the other boys to make something bigger and better out of it. Peter also never minded taking the blame and serving detention, especially if James had a big game, Remus needed rest or Sirius was having a particularly rough time with his family and couldn't afford another letter home. Peter was a good friend, and James never once gave that a second thought. 

 Yes, James Potter could always tell when he was going to really enjoy the presence of another person in his life. 

He could also tell when he was going to really, sincerely and deeply _detest_ someone.

James Potter hated Severus Snape from the moment they had laid eyes on each other, and the feeling was most definitely mutual. 

Of course, James and Sirius (and by extension, Peter and Remus) really tried to be equal opportunists when it came to who was being targeted with their usually harmless, if not a tad humiliating, jokes. Perhaps they did favor the Slytherins just a bit, but who could blame them? It was usually some form of retaliation for something one of Sirius' relatives had said or done or if they had seen or heard about a Slytherin bullying someone else. They liked to think of it as playing the part of karma. 

 But James couldn't deny that he got an extra thrill out of the pranks that singled out Snape, and he couldn't quite pinpoint _exactly_ why. The greasy haired boy just radiated something dark. Sirius had told James about the run in he had had at the end of third year with Severus and Avery, and that hadn't been the first time that Severus' name had been attached to a story of shifty behavior. Plus, he was just simply a bother.

What really confused James though, was why Lily Evans was so determined to defend the slime ball. 

 

-

"James Potter, you are a complete and utter toad's wart!" Lily Evans had barely made it through the portrait hole before she had spotted the boy and his friends. In seconds she had crossed the common room, wand raised and pointed at James who put both hands up in surrender. 

 "Merlin, Evans!" James took a step back, nearly knocking into the table where Remus and Peter had been playing gobstones, though the game had taken a temporary pause as they sat, gaping in shock at the outburst. "The bloody hell did I do to you?" 

"Don't play stupid, Potter." Lily gritted her teeth. "I've just come back from the Hospital wing. You hexed Severus, again! He's covered from head to toe in boils. What is your problem?" 

 Behind her she heard Sirius snort with laughter on the couch where he and Marlene had been discussing weather or not David Bowie's new album was better than his last. Lily turned her wand on Black. "Don't think I don't know you had a part in this as well."

Sirius inched slightly closer to his girlfriend, eyeing Lily with slight apprehension. Lily turned back to James.

"Have you ever considered that maybe we had a reason to hex that git?" James defended angrily. "He and his friends are all part of that weird little Slytherin cult that have been picking on the muggle borns! Which, if you remember correctly, you are! He'd have a go at you as well if he didn't have some creepy little crush on you. So what, Evans? Are you just going to keep defending him until he finally turns on you as well?  

 Lily's glare faltered for a moment, but returned twice as fierce. She did, however, lower her wand. "Severus hasn't done anything to you or anyone else. He's my friend."

James shook his head, regarding the girl with complete disbelief. "You just keep thinking that, Evans. You know his friends are a rotten sort."

 Lily let out a frustrated sigh and stormed off towards the girl's dormitory. 

"Hey Evans!" James called after her. She stopped and looked over her shoulder. James smirked. "You're pretty hot when you're angry." 

 He just narrowly dodged the hex Lily threw at him before she stomped up the stairs and slammed the dormitory door. 

Slowly the rest of the common room went back to their business. 

 "I should probably go and help cool her off." Marlene stood up, looking almost apologetically at James as she excused herself and followed her friend. James took her place on the couch beside Sirius. 

"Completely mental, that one." He said, running a hand through his hair. Sirius didn't look up from the muggle rock magazine he and Marlene had been flipping through, but he nodded, eyes widening slightly in agreement. 

 "You did hex her best friend." Remus commented lightly while playing his turn at his and Peter's game. "What exactly did Severus do to bring this one about?" 

James shrugged, folding his arms and resting against the back of the couch. "I'm sure I'll find a reason." 

 Remus sighed and shook his head, but he didn't deny James' claim either. 

Sirius snickered as he turned the page of his magazine. "So when she said boils all over his body...does she mean like....all over? Like bullocks and all?" 

 James grinned. "Go big or go home. Isn't that you're rule, Sirius?" 

"You're my hero, mate. Really." 

James turned his gaze onto Sirius and watched him for a moment. Sirius didn't seem to notice, too enthralled with whatever he was staring at on the pages of his muggle book. "Hey Sirius, I've been meaning to ask...You and Mckinnon still...y'know...a thing?" 

Remus and Peter glanced up from their game, also curious. It had been weeks since the start of semester, and Marlene had never once expressed concern with the fact that her boyfriend hadn't contacted her once during the summer. It seemed that the pair had simply decided to overlook it, but they also didn't seem as eager to run off to find a place to snog each other as they had been last year. 

 "Hmm?" Sirius muttered distractedly. "Er...yeah. Of course." He finally looked up and met James' eyes. "Why d'you asked?" 

James shook his head. "No reason." 

-

Sirius was trying to look on the bright side. 

Marlene had been all too forgiving about his lack of correspondence. In fact, they never even discussed it.

He had stopped having strange dreams as well, which he supposed was good. But he still didn't feel the way he thought he ought to about his girlfriend.

 Neither of them had initiated much physical contact since their return to school either. They just hung out and talked about music while Marlene tested out different styles of eyeliner on Sirius and tried to convince him that boys could wear nail varnish, which eventually Sirius caved into on the strict rule that he would only allow her to paint them black. 

On occasion this would lead to some kissing and fooling around, but it got more and more sparse as the weeks went on. 

 It was on a brisk afternoon in early October that the two of them were in the stands, watching the Gryffindor Quidditch team practice that Marlene turned to him, heaving a great sigh. 

"I have to talk to you about something." She looked nervous.

 "Marls, I told you already that I don't think any less of you for thinking Jimmy Page is a better guitarist than Brian May. You're entitled to your wrong opinion." He smirked at her. 

 "No, it's not about that." Smiled a little and shook her head. "Although I really think you're completely bonkers for thinking so but- Never mind. That's...that's not what this is about." 

Sirius watched, feeling his stomach tighten anxiously. "Is this about the summer? I know we didn't talk about it, but I-" 

"Sirius, I'm gay." 

Sirius choked. "You're what now?" 

Marlene took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I met this girl while I was on hols in Australia with my family." She sighed and sat down on the bench behind her. "And one thing lead to another and I just sort of...realized." Her blue eyes looked up at him guiltily. "I should have said something sooner, but I wanted to be sure and...well, do you hate me?" 

Sirius' mouth opened and shut several times, unable to make his voice form any sort of actual words for a moment. Finally he sank down onto the bench beside her. "That's stupid, Marlene." 

" _Excuse me_?"

 Sirius rolled his eyes at her. "That I would hate you, idiot." He saw her relax. They were both quiet for a while, watching players zoom by on their brooms. "So...Did you like...love her or anything?" He asked. 

She shook her head. "No, it was nothing like that." her hand slid over his as Dorcas flew by, waving shortly at them as she passed. Sirius heard Marlene's breath hitch.

 "Oh." He said quietly.

"Yeah." Marlene breathed out. She rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm not... _ready_ for anyone to know. But I wanted to tell you." 

 He pressed his lips to the top of her head and they watched the rest of the practice in silence, feeling more comfortable around each other than they ever had.

Once it was over, Marlene headed back to the castle and Sirius went down to wait for James by the boy's lockers. He was thinking about what Marlene had said, about just realizing suddenly.

He thought back to the day over the summer that he, James and Peter had sneaked into Mr. Potter's study and stolen a dirty magazine. James and Peter had both been in complete awe. Sirius had commented the way he figured he should; That witch's breasts, the other one's arse, and silly innuendos about his 'wand'...but he honestly could not have cared less.

 He thought of all the times he had kissed Marlene.

And how different it had felt when he had kissed Remus during Truth or Dare.

He thought about those dreams.

He thought he should probably stop thinking. 

Admitting he may be gay was one thing, but he wasn't quite sure he could handle the idea that he may be crushing on one of his closest friends. 

After all, Remus was the only boy he had ever kissed, even if it was only a dare.

So it was probably just an automatic default to think of him...

Right? 


	25. Month of The Mandrake Leaves - Year Four

 

Sirius stumbled into the dorm room looking like a completely disheveled mess. His shirt was unbuttoned, his tie was slack and his hair was down had clearly had someone's hands mussing it up.

 "Sorry," He muttered breathlessly, throwing his school robe onto his bed. "I know I'm late."James was lying on his bed reading a page out of Masters of Morphing one last time.

"That's alright, Pete's still not back yet anyway and Remus just left for the shack so..." Hazel eyes glanced upwards and he smirked at Sirius. "Looks like you've been up to no good." He studied his best friend for a moment. Sirius was throwing his hair up into a messy bun, his eyeliner was smudged under eyes and he had a ridiculous grin on his face. "You and Marlene back at it again?" 

 Sirius paused. "Er...no, actually. We broke up." 

James frowned at him "when? You never said?"

 Sirius began to chew his bottom lip. "Um...few weeks ago. When we came to watch you and Dorcas at practice."

 James nodded encouragingly for Sirius to continue. "So then who were you off messing around with, then?" He eyed him suspiciously. He chose his next words carefully. "Do I know them?" 

 Sirius took off his school shirt and grabbed the Queen t shirt that Remus had bought him for his birthday the week before. "You know James, you'd be a lot less interested in my love life if you would maybe consider involving yourself in your own." He pulled the shirt over his head.

 James shrugged and went back to his reading. "You just look like you actually had a good time, that's all." 

 Sirius frowned, cocking his head. "What do you mean?" 

 "I mean that whenever you and Marlene would run off to snog or whatever, you'd come back looking sort of panicked and head right into the showers. Right now you look pretty pleased with yourself...or whoever's been pleasing you." James chuckled without looking up from his book. 

 Sirius stared at James for a long time then. He wondered when the next moment he would have alone with him would be. He put his jeans on one leg at a time, giving himself a second to consider his next move. 

Maybe it was best to tell James what he had figured out. Maybe James had some better insight to why he seemed to be pining after - 

No. He wasn't going to take it that far.

 "Hey James..."

 "Hmm? I'm trying to read through this one last time before we give it a go, Sirius..." 

 Sirius sat down next to his best friend on the bed. He took a deep breath. He might as well just get straight to the point. "James. I'm gay." That certainly felt strange to say out loud, Sirius realized. But it also felt right to say it. James glanced up, gave his friend a once over and shrugged before looking back at the book.

 "I know." He said simply, with the hint of a smirk. 

 Sirius leaned away, shocked. "What d'you mean ' _you know_ '?" He glared at the other boy.

 James sighed, finally closing the book and sat up. "Sirius, you are my best mate." He said seriously. "There's not much I don't notice about you. You hated kissing Marlene, you obsess over your photos of Bowie, and you were more interested in my Quidditch posters than the dirty pictures we found in dad's study." He patted Sirius' leg. "I know you're gay. I've been trying to get you to come on out and say it since summer."

 Sirius frowned. "And it doesn't bother you at all?"

 James rolled his eyes. "Of course not, mate. I mean, you haven't got some sort of crush on me, right?"

 Sirius snorted. "I'm gay, that doesn't mean my standards have dropped."

 "Dodgy standards aside," James chuckled.  "I love you Sirius. You're my brother. I just want you to be happy." 

  "Thanks, mate." Sirius said with an air of extreme relief. "Er...no one else...?"

 "Nah," James shook his head. "I mean, not that I know of. Except whoever you've been off snogging."  

 Sirius felt his cheeks heat up just a little and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Gideon Prewitt." 

 "Really?" James looked surprised. Gideon and his twin brother Fabian were James' fellow chasers on the Quidditch team. They were both very friendly, good looking sixth year boys. "Well...that's not what I expected...He your boyfriend, then?" 

 "What? No!" Sirius said quickly, eyes going wide. "No way...He just...I bumped into him in the corridor one day and I knew he had dated that Ravenclaw bloke for a bit last year so I thought I'd ask him for some advice about...things..." He realized how awkward he probably sounded. "Anyway, he...er...he's been very helpful." 

 James snickered "I can see that." 

 At that moment, the door opened and Peter ran in "Sorry! The bloody staircase moved and I needed to take a detour. But I've got good news." He grinned.

 "What's up, Pete?" Asked James, Putting away his book. 

 "I've got the leaves." Peter said proudly, holding out his hand and presenting the other boys with three snipped mandrake leaves. "And I've found us a place to practice where no one will find us."

 James and Sirius both hopped off the bed and James quickly grabbed the invisibility cloak from his trunk.

 One thing they had all learned over the years, was that Peter had a talent for finding hidden passages or secret rooms within the castle. It was like the boy had a sixth sense for these sorts of things. So if Peter told them he had found something, they were always quick to drop whatever they were doing and check it out. It was worth it every single time.

 Although this time James and Sirius watched their friend in mild concern as he paced up and down the corridor looking as if he was concentrating extra hard on something.

 "Er...Pete?" Sirius questioned carefully. "You look like you're about to pop a blood vessel. What are you-?"

 "Shut up, Sirius. I'm trying to focus." Said Peter in an uncharacteristically forceful tone that actually made Sirius snap his mouth shut in shock. He and James exchanged looks and shrugged as Peter continued his strange back and forth.

 The wall across from them slowly began to shift and the hall was filled with the sound on stone scratching against stone. A door appeared and Peter stopped his pacing and looked over his should with a satisfied smirk at his friends who both stared with a mixed expressions of shocked and impressed. 

 Peter opened the door and the others followed. The room itself was large and mostly empty and nothing special. Just a space with a few chairs.

 "What is this place?" James asked, gazing around the room curiously. 

 "It changes every time," said Peter. "The first time I found it I had to pee so bad I thought I would explode and the door appeared and there was a bathroom suddenly. Basically it becomes what you need."

 "So what did you tell it we needed now?" Sirius asked as he straddled one of the wooden chairs, backwards and rested his chin on top of the back piece. 

 Peter shrugged. "Just that we needed a space to practice. Some place big enough to accommodate...whatever may happen..."

 They all knew what he meant. So many things could happen with what they were trying to accomplish. If it went well, they didn't know what sort of animal they may be turning into. Would the need space for something large like a lion or a horse? What if one of them were a bird or something and needed to be able to learn to fly properly?

 And then of course there was the chance that something could go horribly wrong. This was dangerous advanced magic they were tampering with, especially at this stage. They were more than half way through and so far, they had hit no bumps in the road. Still, any mistakes now could have dire consequences and they all felt the pressure.

 "Alright lads," James sighed, taking out his wand. "Ready?" 

  "Ready." Both Sirius and Peter replied. They each placed the mandrake leaf in their mouths.

 

-

 

"Open your mouth, Peter." Sirius demanded for the third time. His patience was wearing thin with the other boy, who was eyeing him warily and covering his mouth. "For fuck sake, Pettigrew! Open your damn mouth!" 

 "No way," came Peter's muffled voice from behind his hand. "I'm not letting you put your wand in my mouth, Sirius." 

 James was trying so hard not to laugh at the both of them it actually hurt. 

 Sirius growled. "Well maybe if you hadn't swallowed, chewed and sneezed out the last three leaves, we wouldn't have to use sticking charms! Open. Your. Mouth!" He had the smaller boy pinned against the wall of the room, his wand pointed at his covered mouth.

 "No!" 

 "Come on Pete, we are wasting time. It has to stay in for a month and you haven't been able to keep it for a two weeks." James said reasonably, laying a hand on Sirius' shoulder to remove him from their terrified looking friend. "We're lucky no one saw you sneeze it out." 

 "James chewed his first leaf up as well!" Peter said defensively. "And I couldn't help the sneeze! My nose was all twitchy for some reason!" 

 "And that's why we're all using a sticking charm." Sirius sighed in frustration. Peter flinched at his tone. 

 James shook his head. "Would you feel more comfortable if I did the charm on you, Pete?" 

 Sirius looked offended. "What's that suppose to mean?" 

 "Just that you're bloody scaring him, Sirius. Calm the fuck down."

 "I'm calm!" Barked Sirius.

 "Go sit down!" James yelled back, and to his surprise Sirius actually sat right there on the floor.

 

-

 "Don't panic." James managed to keep his voice level, though he himself was somewhere between panicking and laughing. Sirius was just laughing. 

  Peter let out a nervous squeak of a noise, looking between the other two. "W-why?" 

 "It's...it's probably nothing....I just..." James let out an accidental snort of laughter. "Sorry, sorry!" 

  "What is it! What's wrong?" Peter's watery blue eyes widened. He looked like he was going to cry. 

 "It's..." Sirius bit his lip to stop from laughing. "You've got whiskers, mate." 

 "What!" 

 There was a loud POP and a mirror appeared on the wall behind them. Peter turned around and screamed at his reflection. "What happened! What did I do wrong!" 

  James and Sirius were doubled over, their sides painfully cramped from laughing. 

 "I don't know, Pete!" Sirius managed, wiping away tears. "You were doing the spell just fine and then all of the sudden they just sprouted out of your face!" 

 "What should I do!" 

James was already consulting one of the many books the room had supplied them with, trying to find a way to remove the long, wiry whiskers from his friend's nose. 

 "Guess this means your a fucking bunny or something, Pete." Sirius teased. He stepped closer and bopped Peter on the nose with a finger. "A cute ickle bunny with a twitchy nose and whiskers!" 

 "Sirius, cut it out." James said, trying to sound chastising but also unable to stop giggling. After a few moments of frantically searching through pages, his face fell. 

 Lucky for them, Madam Pomfrey was never one to ask many questions when a student showed up with whiskers coming out their face. Even when that student was accompanied by two mischievous boys who could hardly breathe from laughing.

 

-

 

 

Remus was exhausted. 

 The past month's full moon had left him bedridden for a while longer than usual, so he had spent the remainder of the month tutoring as many of the younger students as he could in as many different subjects as possible to gain some extra credit from his generous professors. 

 He was very grateful, of course, that they would offer use the tutoring to help keep his grades up from all of his missed work, but it was a lot of stress and strain and he really felt like he was about to drop dead on the ground.

 On top of that, he felt like he hadn't spent time with his friends at all. 

 Trudging up the stairs to the dormitory, he couldn't think of anything other than curling up in his bed and sleeping the entire weekend away. He opened the door. Bed was so close...sleep was so very near...

 Except his three best friends were all sitting on his bed, grinning widely and looking as if they may just explode.

  Remus groaned. "Whatever plan you've got, it's going to have to wait or you can do it without me." He felt bad ditching his friends for the millionth time this month, but he just couldn't keep his eyes open a moment longer. 

 "I'm afraid it can't wait, my dear Moony." Said Sirius, who was apparently so excited he couldn't stop wiggling his bottom half.

 Remus rubbed his eyes and shook his head, deciding not to question Sirius' odd little dance. "Sirius, I really-" 

 But James interjected, standing up and putting his arm around Remus' shoulders. "Trust me, mate...this needs to be seen now." 

 Remus looked between all three of his friends and sighed. "...And where are we going?" 

 "We're going for a little walk outside, Moony." Sirius announced, also standing and draping his own arm over Remus' other shoulder so that the werewolf was sandwiched between the two raven haired boys.

 Peter stood as well, although he did give Remus a slightly apologetic look before smiling at him. "Believe me, Remus...It's worth seeing." 


	26. The Reveal - Year 4

Remus hugged his winter cloak tighter to his body. It was early December, the middle of the night and it was bloody cold even though he and his friends were all huddled beneath James' invisibility cloak. Whatever was exciting his friends must have been distracting them from the icy chill in the late autumn night's air, because none of them seemed nearly as concerned as he was. All he had wanted was his bed, damn it.

"Where are we going?" He asked irritably for the fourth time. They were already far past the lake and headed towards the edge of the forest and the other three boys still refused to tell him what was going on. He stopped walking, causing the others to stop as well. "Guys, come on. I'm tired and I'm cold and I just-"

"Just a little further, Remus." Sirius looked up at him, grey eyes pleading even through the giddy anticipation they seemed to be holding. "Please?"

Remus' heart skipped. Damn Sirius. Damn Sirius and those eyes and damn himself for falling for it. "I..." He sighed. "You really can't tell me where we're going?"

"Just past the edge of the forest. We just need to be somewhere that no one can see us." James explained as they continued moving.

Remus sniffled. "It's just so bloody cold."

"Want my cloak?" Sirius offered without skipping a beat.

"What? No. Then you'll be cold."

"Nah, I'm all hyped up on adrenaline." He smirked. "Besides, it's getting close to the full moon. Your immune system is utter shite." He shrugged out of his own heavy cloak and held it out. "Take it."

Remus hesitated for a second, a small smile tugging as his lips, and he took the offer, draping Sirius' cloak over his shoulders. "Thanks, Sirius."

Sirius eyed him up and down, his smile widening as they crossed over into the woods. "No problem." He winked. "I won't be needing it."

Remus was about to question what he meant by that when James ripped the invisibility cloak off of them and he and Peter removed their own winter layers, piling them on the ground and taking a few steps ahead of him.

With his three friends facing him, all wearing matching expressions of excitement and pride, Remus had never felt more confused in his life.

"What's going-"

Sirius spoke up first. "Remember when you thought we were hiding something from you? And I told you we were working on something that was going to help you?"

Remus' heart felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest. "Y-yes?"

"We did it." James said proudly.

Remus shook his head, his whole body was trembling and he was pretty sure it wasn't from the cold. "...did what?"

The other three boys have each other an affirmative nod and Remus held his breath, until slowly the shapes of his friends bodies all began to shift. He felt as though his eyes might pop out of his head as the boys in front of him were replaced with a rat, a stag and a large black dog.

He was dreaming. He must be dreaming, because this couldn't be real.

"Fuck..." He whispered, voice cracking as he felt tears stinging his eyes. "What did you...how...why would you...?"

The stag and the rat changed back into James and Peter and they both stumbled for a moment, clearly not use to the sensations of changing back and forth just yet.

"We did it for you, Moony." James said, once he had regained his balance.

"So we could come with you during the full moon and you wouldn't be alone." Added Peter, actually taking a seat on the ground to stop his head from spinning.

The dog barked happily and bounded over to Remus, jumping up to put his paws on his shoulders and effectively knocking them both to the ground where he began to lick Remus' face sloppily. Remus couldn't help the half laugh, half sob that escaped him. The dog's form began to shift on top of him and instead he found himself pinned under a happily grinning Sirius Black.

"I promised you." Sirius said quietly. "I said I'd find a way so you wouldn't be alone."

He saw the tip of Sirius' tongue dart out to wet his lips. They were so close. He'd barely need to elevate his head at all to kiss those lips himself.

"Alright Sirius, you mutt. Let him breathe, will you?" James laughed, breaking the daze that Remus had slipped into and with that, Sirius rolled off him and stood, offering a hand to assist him as well, which Remus took.

He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. "You're all completely insane you know." He said tearfully. "This is mad! And illegal and...bloody brilliant." He shook his head. "I can't believe you lot did this for me..."

"Well, don't go getting ahead of yourself, Remus. This isn't totally about you. We all know Sirius was just itching for a way he could lick his own privates." James said teasingly, and the two of them began to wrestle each other to the ground.

Remus smiled at the two and took a seat beside Peter. "I don't deserve friends like you." He mumbled.

Peter laughed and shook his head, watching James and Sirius who were now chasing each other in animal form. "That's just silly, Remus. Of course you do."

"Who on earth would go to lengths like this to help a werewolf?" Said Remus, still in awe.

Peter shrugged. "The Marauders."

Remus couldn't argue.

  
-

For once in his life, Remus couldn't sleep because he couldn't stop smiling.

The events of the night kept playing over in his head and he couldn't believe they had been real. His friends had worked tirelessly, learning highly advanced and dangerous magic and making the extra effort to keep it a surprise, all to help him.

Never in his life did he imagine something like this.

He had his concerns of course, he wasn't one hundred percent sure just how it would work out on the night of the full moon. But he would worry about that later. The point was, James, Peter and Sirius cared enough of about him to do the nearly impossible.

He was so lost in his ridiculously joyful thoughts, he didn't notice the curtains of his bed shuffling until suddenly there was a large black dog leaping up to join him.

"Sirius!" He laughed and scratched at the dog's head. "You'll get dog hair all over my sheets, mate."

The weight on the bed changed and the form of Sirius took the place of the dog. "Sorry." He grinned. "I just...I was too excited to sleep."

"Me too." Remus admit. After a moment of silence between them, Remus cleared his throat. "Sirius...really...I don't know how I could ever thank-"

"Don't be stupid." Sirius said sternly. "You don't have to do anything to thank us. We're you're friends."

"Well yeah," Remus chuckled. "But come on, that's some extreme friendship."

"Of course it is." Sirius shrugged. "Because I love you...we do, I mean. All of us."

"Yeah..." Remus swallowed thickly. "I love you lot too."

Again there was silence. Remus wanted to say something, but he wasn't sure what.

"Moony?"

"Yeah?"

"Still think we're too old to be climbing into bed with each other if I'm a dog?"

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. "You don't have to be a dog to come to my bed, Sirius. I'm sorry I said that last year..."

Sirius smiled. "Good." He gave Remus a playful shove. "Move. You're all long and lanky now. There's no room."

Remus shifted over to allow his friend to lie down. "Sirius..."

"Yeah Moony?"

"I'm going to give you the lamest fucking nickname."


	27. Moony Wormtail Padfoot and Prongs.- Year Four

 

"You said, and I quote, 'when we start turning into animals you can call us whatever you want'." Remus mocked, throwing on an exaggerated version of Sirius' slightly aristocratic accent and pretending to flip imaginary hair over his shoulder.

 "You did say that." Peter agreed as he reached into the middle of their small circle on the floor of the dorm to take a chocolate frog.

 "You're not calling me Snuffles." Sirius' eyes narrowed. 

  "Honestly, I think I'm going to call you Snuffles no matter what." James chuckled, earning a sharp punch to the arm from Sirius. "Ow! What? It's cute!" 

 Sirius scowled. "I'm not cute. I'm a big, manly dog. Not some bloody toy poodle." He huffed.

 All three of the others snorted and bit back giggles. James reached over and scratched under Sirius' chin. "Aw, Snuffles is angry..." 

 Sirius went to lunge at the other boy but Remus caught him by the collar of his shirt. "Down, boy." He teased lightly. Sirius gave him a hurt pout.

 They had decided that whatever nicknames they chose would be the ones they would eventually sign the map with once it was finished. If their names were to be part of their legacy, they had to be unique. They would also come in handy when talking about their animal forms so that no one else ever caught on.

 "Well what about me?" Peter said in an attempt to get the focus off of Sirius and defuse his temper momentarily.

 "I thought we agreed on whiskers?" James suggested jokingly. Peter rolled his eyes.

 "Mrs. Norris' Supper." Muttered Sirius with a smirk.

 Peter looked momentarily horrified and Remus laughed and shook his head.

 "Maybe this would be easier if we could have a look at you." Remus suggested once Sirius and James had stopped cackling over their own humor. "See if you've got any defining features or something." 

 James and Sirius murmured their agreement and Peter sighed and stood up. His face screwed up in deep concentration and he was mouthing something to himself and finally his body began to shrink and morph until a plump grey rat sat in his place. Remus put out his hand and the rat ran forward. 

 Remus smiled to himself as he picked the rodent up and studied him. "I've never understood why people didn't like rats," he wondered aloud, using his forefinger to gently scratch the tiny, soft head. "I always thought they were rather cute. Smart as hell, too. You can train them to do nearly anything." Peter-The-Rat squeaked happily in his hand. "I wanted one when I was little but my mum always said no. She said it was their tails that freaked her out." 

  "What about them?" Asked James curiously.

 Remus shrugged. "She said they had worm tails." 

 Sirius barked with laughter. "They do sort of, don't they?" He scooted closer to Remus so he could get a better look at Peter. "I sort of like that."

 Remus set the rat back on the ground with a chuckle. "Wormtail?" 

 "It's got a ring to it." James said, giving a half shrug. 

 The rat transformed back into Peter, who didn't look nearly as convinced. "Really? Wormtail? That's all you've got?" He asked flatly. 

 Remus snorted. "Oh please. Because 'Moony' is such a creative name. Might as well write 'werewolf' across my forehead." 

 "No offense," Sirius remarked with a drop of sarcasm. "But your actual name is Remus Lupin...Isn't that a little-" 

 "The irony isn't lost on me, thanks." Remus cut him off irritably. "And if we're going there, Mr. Dog Star Black the Black Dog-"

 James cleared his throat and the bickering stopped abruptly. "Now children, we're all friends here." He smirked. "Besides, we have more important matters to attend to...me." 

 "Venison." 

  "Why, Sirius? Do you want to eat me?" He looked pointedly over the rim of his glasses at his best friend.

 "Nah, too gamy for my taste, mate." Sirius winked. 

 Peter and Remus ignored them, both studying James and trying to think. "Probably best not to have you change right here in the dorm...I don't think there's room." Remus sighed. "Probably something with your antlers though."

 James stuck out his chest a little and sighed dramatically. "I'm quite regal, I know. Might as well just call me Prince of the Forest."

 "This is why you can't get a girlfriend, you know."

 "You're very mouthy today, Sirius. Why don't you go find a bone to occupy yourself with?"

  "Bone jokes. Clever." 

 "Really though, are you alright?" James asked, suddenly very serious. "I mean, you're pretty much always a snarky bastard, but you're starting it with everyone today."

 Sirius looked like he was going to come back at James with another insult, but instead he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm fine." He ran a hand through his hair, tugging just slightly before he released. "Really." He said as he caught the look of disbelief shared between his friends. "It's nothing. Sorry, I didn't mean to be an arse..."

 "You sure?" Remus asked gently. 

 Sirius nodded hurriedly. "Yeah, Moons. I've just...it's family stuff on my mind. It can wait. We can go back to discussing Prince Prongs over here." He forced a laugh. 

 "Hey that's not bad." James said quickly.

 "James, for the last time we are not calling you Prince anything." 

 James rolled his eyes. "No, you prat. Prongs." 

 "I think it fits well." Said Remus, unwrapping a bar of Honeyduke's Best. "So, Moony, Wormtail, Prongs and-" 

 "CALL ME SNUFFLES AGAIN, LUPIN! I WILL EAT ALL OF YOUR CHOCOLATE AND YOUR HOMEWORK!" 

  "Does anyone have a muzzle?" Peter groaned, rubbing his temples. 

 Sirius growled in frustration and, quicker than he ever had before, transformed and ran under his own bed leaving the others speechless. They all knew Sirius well enough to know that while he was always quick to run his mouth, he also wasn't quite as good at receiving what he so often dished out. And if there was something already bothering him, he was likely to become twice as snarky as well as twice as sensitive. 

 Remus crawled over to Sirius' bunk and peeked underneath. "Hey...Look, we're all sorry for teasing you, Sirius." The dog huffed in response, then looked guiltily at Remus and whimpered. "Come on out, boy..." Remus coaxed gently. The dog didn't budge and he looked back to James and Peter for help. 

 James shrugged. "Let him stay under there if he wants to. Maybe he needs to cool off." 

  Remus sighed and got down on his stomach, meeting the dog's sad puppy-eyed gaze. "You don't have to come out and talk about it if you don't want to..." he slowly reached one hand, palm up under the bed. The dog's head tilted in consideration before lifting one of his over sized paws and placing it in his friend's hand. Remus smiled, rubbing the soft pads comfortingly. "Come on out, Padfoot..." 

 The dog lifted his head just a tad too quickly and he yelped as it collided with the hard wood of the bed frame. Remus, James and Peter all flinched, but the dog finally emerged and shook himself off before turning back into a teenage boy. Sirius sat and rubbed his head with a slight scowl. 

  "Alright Sirius?" James asked cautiously. 

 Sirius sighed. "Yeah. Sorry...I've just been stressed about going home for the holidays at the end of the month." He admit quietly. "I'm sorry for being bloody difficult." No one said anything. Sirius hadn't talked much about his family since he left them at Diagon Ally over the summer. He and Regulus had barely interacted at all since the start of term, and though he tried to play it off like he didn't notice and it didn't bother him, it did. The more time he spent away from Grimmuald Place, the more he dreaded the inevitable return, and with the Holidays fast approaching he knew he was going to have to face what he had been avoiding for nearly six months. 

 Finally, Sirius turned to look at Remus with a forced half smile. "Padfoot?" 

 Remus laughed softly and shook his head. "I don't know, it just sort of came out."

 Sirius nodded silently for a second, considering. "I can live with it." 

 "Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs." James announced with a grin. "The Marauders." 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this was so short. O_O I am a terrible human being and I do not deserve your love.


	28. Pack - Year Four

 

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea..." Remus said quietly as his friends all dressed for class. 

It was the morning of the full moon. He would be spending most of his day in the hospital wing getting rest as he normally did before Pomfrey assisted him in getting past the Whomping Willow in the early evening.

  The plan was that once the other Marauders were done with their usual school schedule, they would sneak out under the cloak and meet Remus in the shack before the moon rose. Once they were there, they would transform and maybe, if everything they had calculated was true, Remus' own transformation wouldn't be as horrible while he had them for company.

Remus was suddenly having doubts. 

  "No way, we're not backing out now." Said Sirius, who had stopped tying his tie mid-knot and was looking at Remus as though he had sprouted another head. "Why would you-?"

 "What if something goes wrong?" Remus muttered, staring down at his hands in his lap. 

 "What do you think could go wrong?" Asked James. They had been over the plan hundreds of times, they were well prepared and comfortable with changing into their animagus forms.

 Remus worried his bottom lip between his teeth, refusing to meet his friends' eyes. "...what if I hurt one of you?" 

  "But that was the point," Said Peter. "You can't hurt us if we're in animal form."

 "We don't know that for sure!" Remus argued, finally looking up. "Don't you understand? Nothing like this has been done before, there's no proof that I won't hurt you just because you're not human and I could never forgive myself if I did! I'm a monster, I could kil-"

"Stop right there." Sirius interjected. His eyes were hard and his lips pressed into a thin line as he stared Remus down. "Don't think things like that. And for the last time, don't bloody call yourself that!"

 Remus stared back at him, startled slightly by his tone. "I...I just..."

 James shook his head. "Sirius is right." His voice was much softer than Sirius', but just as stern. "You've got to trust us, Moony."

 "I do trust you-" 

 "You've got to trust yourself, then."

 That was easier said than done.

 -

 Classes seemed to drag on forever, and if anyone were to ask James, Sirius or Peter what they had learned that day, none of them would have been able to answer.

 James kept glancing at the clock all through divination, not that that was much different than any other day in that particular class, which he still wasn't sure exactly why he continued to take. It must be broken, that clock, because he was relatively certain that it had been over an hour when the the hand had barely ticked over the five minute mark. It didn't help that Professor Astra's misty, breath of a voice just made him want to close his eyes and sleep. Especially as she droned on about the different meanings behind dreams that featured harmonized singing dung beetles...how many people dreamed of that sort of thing to have so many meanings anyway?

  In Arithmancy, Peter, who had trouble keeping up in that class as it was but agreed upon keeping it to be of better assistance with map making, kept his eyes glued firmly to the desk in front of him. His mind kept going over the process of transforming, trying to assure himself that he was well practiced and prepared for the upcoming night. Occasionally he would mumble something to himself, be it a word of self motivation or a reminder of how to switch his thought process to that of his animal counterpart. 

 Sirius wasn't sure what class he was in all day, but he was sure to have a seat by the window if there was one. He spent nearly every class gazing at the sky, pondering the exact placement of the sun and moon and calculating exactly how much longer until nightfall they had left. He could see the Whomping Willow from...whichever class he was in...was is History of Magic, maybe? Ancient Runes? Wait...did he take Ancient Runes? When did he sign up for...?

  "Mr. Black?" 

 Sirius nearly jumped when Professor McGonagall called his name. Transfiguration! That's where he was... _shit_.

 "Sorry, Professor. What was that?" 

 Mcgonagall's nostrils flared and she pursed her lips, raising an eyebrow at him. "Was there something outside that was more important than my lesson on Switching spells?"

 Sirius smiled charmingly. "More important than you, Minnie? Never." He leaned his chair back on its hind legs.

 "Then perhaps you'd like to join us back here in the classroom?" She had chosen to ignore the boy's flirty tone, but the other students giggled. 

 "My darling, I will join you anywhere you need." 

 "How good of you." 

  "I certainly thought so." 

 She sighed and looked at him over the rim of her glasses. "Pay attention, please." 

Sirius let his chair fall forward and looked up at her apologetically. "Sorry Professor." 

 At the end of class the three of them were up and out of the room so quickly they nearly knocked Lily over as the ran past her in the hall.

 "What is with you three today?" She asked, almost sounding concerned.

 James spun around, feigning confusion and innocence. "Who us? Whatever do you mean by that?" 

 Her eyebrow quirked and she shrugged. "You've been pleasantly silent in nearly every class, that's all. No snide remarks or your usual 'I know more than you' attitude." Her eyes narrowed slightly. "I know when you lot are up to no good. You're plotting something." 

 James' hand shot up to his hair and he grinned. "Aw, Evans...I didn't know you paid that close attention to me. I'm flattered. Absolutely spiffed, really." 

 Lily didn't look amused at all. James dropped the act and rolled his eyes. "For once, Evans, no. We're actually not planning or plotting anything. You may tell Dear Snivellus he can rest easy tonight, knowing that the big mean Marauders won't be bothering him, if that's what you're so worried about." 

 "Not specifically, but is that a confession that he's your usual target?" Lily folded her arms.

 James cringed, taking his glasses off his face and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Honestly, Lily...I haven't the time nor the care at this particular moment to argue with you, _again_ , over what a shit that slime ball is. Any other day, I would sit and tell you exactly why your pal Snivelly is the bane of my existence - perhaps over dinner sometime, my treat - but now is just... _really_ not that moment." He turned his back on her before she could respond and walked away.

 "Smooth invitation you slipped in there, Potter." Sirius laughed as they headed in the direction of Gryffindor tower. 

 James chuckled. "Impressive, I know." 

 " _Stag_ gering, one might even say." Sirius said, smirking at his own witty puns.

  "Yeah," Peter grinned. "Too bad she keeps telling you to ' _buck'_ off." 

 Sirius snorted and held his hand out for a high five from the shorter boy. "' _Buck off_ '. That's a good one, Pete." 

 It was still early. Too early to head to the Whomping Willow, so they changed out of their school uniforms and decided to hit the kitchens for an early dinner since they would be long gone before the other students were served in the Great Hall. They were about to round the corner, just down the corridor from the portrait of the bowl of fruit that hid the kitchens when they heard voices that made them stop in their tracks.

 "Honestly Regulus it's something you'd be smart to consider. I know you're not particularly a fan of how Mulciber runs things, but it would be in your favor to be on his good side. He's got connections that could-" 

 "You really think Mulciber's got better connections than I have, Severus?" Regulus' haughty voice made Sirius forget to breathe for a moment. "My cousin and her fiance have already to meet with-" 

 James felt Sirius tense up beside him and he grabbed his arm, forcing him to meet his eye. He shook his head. "Sirius, don't." He warned quietly. 

 "It's merely a suggestion." Snape continued. "Obviously you've got plenty of time to decide what you'll be doing after you've finished school-"

 "So have you. You're only a year ahead of me." Regulus retorted. "Have you made that decision already?" 

 Severus was quiet for a second as he argued internally with his answer. "I've decided that it would be in my best interest to have friends in high places, that's all." 

 "That, Severus, is something I already have in abundance. You may need to kiss up to Mulciber in order to keep yourself on the right side of a hex, but if you ask me I think that oaf should be begging for my alliance." 

 Sirius' fists clenched and he made a move forward, only to have James tighten his grip on his arm. "Sirius!" He hissed. "You can't get into it with them now. You can't afford detention tonight." 

  Sirius was practically shaking. His breath hard and uneven and his jaw was tightly set. " _Don't you know what they're talking about, Prongs_?" 

 "Yes." James held his gaze. He knew exactly what they were talking about, and he knew exactly why Sirius wanted nothing more than to turn the corner and beat Snape unconscious. Truth be told, he wanted to as well. But not tonight. 

 "Sirius," Peter muttered, looking pleadingly at him. "Think of Remus. He needs you." 

 The look in Sirius' eyes softened and his body relaxed. He swallowed hard and turned away. "I'm not that hungry anymore. Let's go. It's getting late anyway..." 

 -

The sound of the rickety old door to the shack slamming shut nearly made Remus' heart jump out of his chest. He had been completely unable to calm his nerves all day and got hardly any sleep in the Hospital Wing. He wasn't sure he could do this. Perhaps he could still convince them to turn back? 

  He heard three pairs of feet climbing the stairs and seconds later there they were, standing in the doorway. Remus stared at them from where he sat on the dusty old bed. He couldn't do this. 

 "Don't look so excited to see us, Moony." James attempted to joke through the awkward, terrified silence. Remus forced himself to give them a weak smile.

 "I'm...It's not that I'm not..." He couldn't even pretend he was happy to see them. This could be the start of his absolute worst nightmare. What was he thinking, letting them come here like this...

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to meet Sirius' eyes. "Hey," the hand squeezed gently. "It's going to be alright. This is going to work, Remus. I promise you. You trust me, Moony?" The corner of Sirius' lips tugged up. Remus nodded.

 "I trust you, Padfoot." He said shakily.

  "It's going to be fine. We're here for you." The hand on his shoulder slid down his arm and covered his own hand. His breath hitched and he swallowed, nodding again. Then he stood and walked to the middle of the room. 

 "Um...I just..." He cleared his throat, trying to stop his voice from shaking. "When it...happens...maybe you lot shouldn't be in the room..." 

 James, Peter and Sirius exchanged looks and they shook their heads. "We talked about that-" 

 Remus couldn't tell if it was the restlessness from the rising moon that was making him feel so frantic, or the fact that he was terrified. He ran a hand through his hair, which was already damp with sweat despite the cold December air that blew through the shack. "You don't understand. It's really awful." 

 "We know." Insisted James, in a way that Remus knew he couldn't argue. "Remus, we know everything. We've been over this a million times. No one is backing out, no one is changing their minds. We're doing this and nothing you say is going to make us leave you now." 

 After a while Remus stopped arguing. They all sat down in a circle on the dirty floor and no one said much for a long while. Every few minutes Remus would get up and pace around as he started to feel his mind slowly losing control. He felt hot all over and he had already shucked off his shirt. He sat back down again and suddenly there were icy cold hands on the back of his neck. _Oh that felt good_. He closed his eyes and his head fell forward.

 "It's alright, Moony." Sirius whispered from behind him. 

 After too short a time of feeling more relaxed than he ever had before transforming, he felt his body shudder. 

  "I...Y-you have to change..." He managed. "Go. Do it now." The hands on the back of his neck were gone and Sirius, James and Peter scrambled to the feet, stepping away from him. James and Peter were averting their eyes, unable to see their friend who was already in such pain but Sirius couldn't look away. 

 Remus was pacing again, his arms hugging himself tightly as his skin prickled and started to feel like it wasn't his own. His nails dug hard into his flesh. 

  Peter had already changed and was perched up on a grimy, ancient looking piano, feeling safer at a distance. James was backing away, but Sirius was frozen, his eyes wide. 

 "Sirius, come on..." James urged, sounding panicked. "Sirius! Now!" He grabbed the other boy by the shoulder, effectively bringing him back to his senses and they both changed as well. 

 Remus screamed in pain as his body began to change, bones breaking and shifting.

 A piercing howl filled the shack.

In quite possibly the most horrifying moment of any of their lives, the wolf growled and turned, locking its eyes on the three other animals that were in his territory. 

 For the first time ever, and just barely there at all, Remus had a conscious thought in the back of the wolf's mind:

  _Friends. Pack. Family._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	29. If You Were - Year Four

 

Remus woke up to the feeling of fur tickling his nose, which was not something he was particularly accustomed to. For a second he wondered if he hand managed to kill some sort of animal that found its way into the shack the night before, but then he remembered...

Opening his eyes slowly, he realized that he was resting his head on a giant, bear-like black dog who was panting heavily. He smiled and reached up with one hand to scratch the dog's belly.

 "Hi Padfoot." He croaked. The dog yipped as quietly as he could and licked his face. His body ached, but significantly less than usual, and in his still half asleep state he was pretty sure he hasn't managed to rip himself apart as he normally did. He yawned and felt the dog's wet nose nuzzle his shoulder comfortingly. "Thank you..." He muttered, and he slipped back into sleep.

  "Sirius," The dog whined softly in protest as James knelt beside him. "Padfoot, we have to go."

 Again the dog whimpered, looking up at James and then back to the sleeping boy he was curled protectively around.  _Stay. My Moony. Keep safe._

 "I know you don't want to leave him Pads, but we have to go. The sun's up, Pomfrey will be here soon." 

 With one last look at Remus, and trying as best he could not to wake him, Padfoot slipped out from under him and transformed back into Sirius. In human form, he wore the same painfully sad expression as he stared at the frail boy on the floor. 

 Peter cleared his throat. "Why don't we move him to the bed, yeah?" 

 James and Sirius looked at each other and back down at Remus. James looked uneasy. "Think we should? I Don't want to hurt him..." 

 "We can't leave him here like this." Sirius' eyes were filled with something desperate and James knew he wouldn't be able to get him out of the shack without doing something more for their friend.

 With a sigh, James nodded. "Alright, fine." He saw relief wash over Sirius' face. They both got down next to Remus and Sirius gently shook his shoulder. 

  "Hmm...S'rius?" He mumbled, not quite awake.

 "Yeah, Moons...Listen, James and I are going to help you to the bed, alright?" Again, James gave him an uncertain look, but Sirius was insistent. "D'you think you can stand if we help you?" 

  "Mmhmm..." Remus nodded, eyes still closed. The two of them carefully got his arms over their shoulders and helped him up. Sirius never realized how light Remus was, considering how tall and lanky the boy had gotten he was very easily carried. 

 Peter had already pulled the thread bare blanket back on the bed. It wouldn't keep Remus warm enough for Sirius' liking, but it was still better than leaving him on the floor. Once they got him situated James grabbed the invisibility cloak. He looked back to see Sirius still standing by the bed, staring. 

 "He's okay now, Padfoot." Said Peter. "We really have to go." 

 Sirius nodded, finally looking away and crossed the room to his other two friends. James threw the cloak on over them and they left the shack.

 None of them spoke  on the way back to the castle, nor on their way up to Gryffindor tower, but every once in a while James glanced over to Sirius who still looked lost in his own head. When they were safely standing in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, James took off the cloak and gave the password.

 The Fat lady yawned and looked down at them. "It's a bit early for you lads, isn't it?" 

  "Late, actually." Peter corrected. "We're just getting in." 

 She clicked her tongue in disapproval, but swung open and allowed them through. As they entered the common room, their adrenaline finally died and exhaustion hit them like a ton of bricks. The stairs to the dorm room felt like climbing a mountain and they all groaned as they reached the top.

  "We did it." Said Peter in awe as he stared at the canopy of his bed. "We actually did it."

 James took his glasses off and set them on the table by his bunk, rubbing his eyes. "We did. And it was fucking brilliant." 

  It didn't take long before the sound of Peter's snores filled the room. James turned onto his side facing Sirius' bed. He had to squint, but he could see his best friend lying wide awake.

 "You're in love with him, aren't you?" 

  Sirius' head snapped to the side. "What?" 

 "With Moony." James said quietly. He propped himself up on his elbow. "You've always been." 

 He could see the slightly blurred image of his best friend shaking his head. "What are you on about, James?" Sirius forced a laugh. "I'm not in love with Remus, you dolt. I just-"

 "Sirius-"

 "No." The other boy snapped. "It's not like that, alright? I love him just like I love you and Pete and if either of you had to go through what we saw what last night, I'd be the same way. Fuck, Potter. Just because I like blokes and I care about Remus doesn't mean...It...It doesn't mean anything." 

 James stared unblinking at him for a moment. "Alright. If you say so." 

 "Well, I do say so." Sirius grumbled, and he turned onto his other side.

 "But for arguments sake," James carefully pressed on. "If you were in love with him, and I'm not saying that you are, you really ought to tell him because this whole...suffering in silence thing that you've got going on here...it's going to do both of you more harm than good." 

 "I'm _not_ -" 

 " _If you were_."

"Shut up, Potter. You don't know what you're talking about." 

 James sighed. "Sorry I mentioned it then." 

 Sirius reached behind him and shut the curtains of his bed without another word. 

 

-

 

"I don't know what you did differently this month dear, but you should keep to it." Madam Pomfrey shook her head in disbelief as she checked Remus' body for any signs of serious injuries. Some bruises and scratches here and there, but for the most part the boy was in perfectly good health for someone who normally back to the hospital wing inches from death.

 Remus shrugged. "Maybe I've just got better control than I thought." 

"Hmm...It would appear so." The medi-witch handed him a potion to drink for the aching in his bones and he downed it quickly. 

 "So does that mean I can go back to my dorm soon, then?" He asked, trying not to seem too eager. He just really preferred his own bed and he was dying to speak to his friends.

Pomfrey sighed. "Perhaps. Not just yet though, I'd like to just keep an eye on you for a while. Rest up, now." She insisted. He didn't argue, he just laid back against the pillows and tried to piece together some flashes of memory from the night before. 

 That was different. Normally he had no recollection at all of his nights as a wolf, but now he had these little snippets of clear thought.

  _Stag. Rat. Dog. My Pack. Run. Play._

 He remembered fresh air and being able to run. He was never able to run. 

  _Chase. Play. Run. Stag._

 Had he been outside?

  _Forest. Chase. Rat._

 The idea of it. That he had been allowed out, not trapped, alone and with nothing to do but rip himself apart...

  _Play. Wrestle. Dog. Pin Down. Moony is Alpha. Mine. Mine. Dog._

 He choked slightly. Alright, that was interesting. Maybe that didn't mean what his human mind thought it meant. They were both canines, after all. Moony was just asserting himself over Padfoot. Padfoot was his pack mate...Because Sirius most certainly was not his, and the sooner he accepted that he never would be, the better. 

 "Are you alright, dear?" Called Pomfrey from her office.

 "Yes, I'm fine." Remus replied, feeling that tightness in his chest again. That feeling he got whenever Sirius touched him or looked at him in that way that he never seemed to look at anyone else...So intense and deep like he was looking into his damn soul. "I'm so fucked..." he mumbled. 

 -

 "How the fuck did you get me outside?" Remus asked, grinning despite the fact that the idea was so insanely dangerous. He was sitting against the headboard of his own four poster with James, Sirius and Peter sitting across at the foot of the bed. 

  "Getting you out wasn't difficult," Peter explained. "You weren't exactly hard to convince once we got the door open. You just sort of bolted out the door-" Remus' eyes widened, slightly horrified by the thought that he had been let loose, and Peter quickly added. "We were right behind you. And You seemed mostly interested in keeping track of where we all were so...I don't think you wanted to run off and terrorize a village or anything." 

 "Definitely not." James agreed, reassuringly. He passed Remus a chocolate frog. "You seemed happy...Getting you to come back in was a whole different story." 

Remus was completely fascinated by everything they told him. It was much easier to put his vague memories together with them filling in the blanks. He licked his lips. "I didn't...I mean...Sirius, I didn't hurt you, right? When we were playing?" 

 Sirius shrugged and shook his head. "Not at all, why?" 

 "I remember getting a little rough with you, that's all..." He felt his cheeks flush a little. He definitely didn't want Sirius to know what he was thinking, but Sirius didn't seem bothered at all. 

  "Nah. Moony was just letting Padfoot know he was in charge, that's all. You didn't do anything bad...I mean...that's a pretty basic canine behavior, right?" 

 Remus nodded. "Yeah...Sorry, I just...I'm really not use to remembering anything at all. Let alone anything good or...or fun, even..." He smiled a little. "This is...I really can't tell you how incredible it is, guys. Thank you, again..." 

 "Stop thanking us, prat." Sirius smirked, biting the head off a chocolate frog. "We enjoyed ourselves...we're just happy to have saved you from ripping yourself to shreds for once..." 

 The others nodded in agreement. They spent the rest of the day lazing about the dorm room, planning ahead for the next month's adventure. 

 

 

 


	30. Christmas with The Blacks - Year Four

 

Number Twelve Grimmulad Place had never been a very warm or comforting, home-sweet-home sort of environment. In contrast to Gryffindor Common Room, the place was was an absolute mausoleum. Although Sirius had always felt slightly uncomfortable there, as a child he was outright terrified of the disembodied House Elf Heads that his mother insisted on displaying, as he entered his family home upon his arrival for winter holidays, he was filled with an instant sense of dread that nearly made him want to vomit. 

He didn't belong here anymore.

He probably never had.

 Regulus hadn't so much as made eye contact with him since they got off the train, and his parents...well, they had said what felt like a mandatory and forced hello to him, but the overall feeling of the reunion was quite cold. He didn't want to be here, and he was pretty sure they didn't want him either. 

 James had practically begged Sirius to come back home with him for Christmas, but he had forced himself to decline. Continuing to avoid The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black would only make matters worse because, eventually, he would have to return anyway, right? So why put it off. Why fill himself with the false hope that he could walk out that door and never look back? 

 Of course, being the Marauder he was, he certainly didn't plan to sit just sit around quietly and let his presence there go completely unnoticed by his family. The first thing he did once he got up to his bedroom was place a large Gryffindor banner and suit of arms across the wall, being sure to use a permanent sticking charm so his mother couldn't remove it once he returned to school. He'd love to see her face when she tried to rip it down. 

 Marlene had gotten him a muggle record player for his fifteenth birthday back in November, and it had been the first thing he packed when he knew he would be returning home for the week with plans to keep The Beatles, Queen and Bowie playing as loudly as he could all day and night for the sole purpose of pissing off the rest of his family. That didn't take long. Only three songs into Sheer Heart Attack, Kreacher was banging on his door on his mother's orders to 'turn that muggle filth off'. He simply turned up Killer Queen and let Freddie Mercury's voice drown out everything else. In his opinion, if his parents had such an issue with his behavior, they could get off their uppity, pompous arses, and deal with him themselves. He refused to be ignored by them any longer. They were going to see him whether they wanted to or not. He wasn't going to take secondhand orders from a grumpy old house elf that had never given him anything but feigned respect followed by mumbled insults that were clearly meant to be heard.

 It wasn't until his third day back home that things at Number Twelve really got exciting. When Kreacher rang for dinner, Sirius had sauntered down the stairs not in his fine dress robes, as was expected of a member of The House of Black, but in his Ziggy Stardust t shirt and tight muggle jeans. He sat down in his usual seat, not bothering with the proper uptight posture that had been drilled into him since he could sit up on his own, and instead tilted his chair back on its hind legs, crossing his arms defiantly over his chest.

 Walburga's eyes nearly popped out of her head. Her mouth kept opening and closing like a fish as she fought to find the words for just how horrible and shameful a son he was.  Finally his father slammed his fist on the table and stood, glaring daggers at his eldest child. 

 "Sirius Orion Black! Are you trying to send your mother to an early grave!" 

Sirius actually smirked. "Oh, good! You do see me, father. I was starting to worry that maybe I had gone invisible or something." He stood as well, letting his chair fall backwards onto the floor with a loud thud, but no one seemed to notice. "What is it now that's not good enough for you? It was easy to ignore the fact that I wasn't placed in Slytherin. Don't mention it and it's like it's not true, right? But when you have to look at me and I don't fit into your Royal Pureblood mold, that's when I finally get some sort of acknowledgement?" Anger was boiling inside his stomach, rising up to the surface. 

"This is not how we raised you to be, Sirius." Orion's voice was dangerously low and Sirius could see the large vein in his neck starting to throb, but he wouldn't back down.

 "I know it's not." He retorted, keeping his tone almost eerily similar to that of his father's. "But that's what makes it so bloody great." 

Orion's eyes widened at the blatant disrespect, and almost without moving his mouth he uttered "Get out of my sight, Sirius." and slowly sat back down. 

 "With pleasure." Sirius spat back before kicking his fallen chair out of the way and leaving the dining room. He stomped as loudly as he could up the stairs to his bedroom and grabbed the first relatively warm article of clothing he could find, which happened to be one of Remus' sweaters that must have gotten mixed in with his things while they were packing, and pulled it on over his head. He searched through his trunk for his pack of cigarettes, a habit he had picked up after a few late night snogging sessions in various broom closets with Ravenclaw 7th year Patrick Davies a few months back, marched right back down the stairs and out the front door. He kept walking until he hit the side walk, sat on the curb and placed a cigarette between his lips.

 "Why do you do that?" 

Sirius flicked his muggle lighter and lit the end of his cigarette, inhaling. "Do what?" He asked, without looking back at his brother. "Smoke? Because I fucking want to." 

Regulus slowly sat down beside him. "Not that." He rolled his eyes. "Although it is a disgusting muggle habit...I mean why do you have to make things so bloody difficult for yourself all the time?" 

 Sirius shook his head and looked at Regulus with mild annoyance. "I'm not making anything difficult, Reg. I'm just being myself, it's them that makes it difficult when they can't accept that I'm just not made out like the rest of this family." He tapped off some ashes. "You're not either, Regulus. But you're too scared to rock the boat and make some waves. You'd rather just sit there with your head up their arses making them proud of things that you don't even believe in." 

Regulus was quiet, watching his brother closely. A few times he looked like he was going to say something, but instead he would just sigh or make some unidentifiable noise in the back of his throat. "...You don't know what I do or don't believe in." He finally said, staring down at the ground. 

Sirius shrugged and put his cigarette out on the pavement. "You're right. I don't. Because you won't even look at me in the halls anymore, let alone talk to me." He stood up. "So just say it, Regulus...we're practically not even brothers anymore." 

The younger brother froze, an audible gasp tumbling from his lips. After a few seconds he stood as well and turned to face the other boy. "Fine. Maybe you're right. You don't need me anyway, right? You've got a brother. You've got Potter, don't you?" His voice was cold and his eyes were piercing.

Sirius licked his lips and ran a hand through his hair. He nodded. "Yeah. I do. Who've you got, Regulus?" He turned and walked back inside, slamming the door behind him. 

When he was back in his room he threw on one of his records and laid on his bed staring at the ceiling. His mind felt surprisingly blank. He would have thought that he would feel bad for saying those sorts of things to Regulus, but he didn't. He didn't feel anything. He lifted his hips and wiggled out of his jeans, kicking them off his bed. He meant to take off Remus' sweater as well, but as he went to pull it off, he was hit with the scent of parchment, forest, tea and chocolate...

He slept in Remus' sweater for the remainder of the week. 

 

 


	31. The Marauders Map - Year Four

"Sirius, would you stop that? You're making me nervous." Peter pleaded with the other boy for what must have been the tenth time that evening. Sirius was pacing back and forth in the common room, which had started to become a bit of a habit ever since they returned from Christmas break over a month ago. For whatever reason, Sirius had become rather restless. He wouldn't talk about what had happened at home, but his friends gathered that his reunion with his family had not gone over well, and he seemed to be more desperate than ever to get his brother's attention.

 "I'm bored." Sirius claimed, still moving. "Can't we sneak into the Slytherin dorms and-" 

"Sirius, no." Remus, who was sitting on one of the over stuffed chairs by the fireplace, didn't even look up from the paper he was editing for Peter. "We've got homework. _You've_ got homework." 

 "Bugger the homework. I'll do it right before class and still ace it. I already know everything." Back and forth. It was amazing he hadn't worn a hole in the rug. Remus glanced up at him and shook his head before meeting James' eyes. James shrugged. 

Remus heaved a sigh and patted his leg. "Sit down, Padfoot." 

 Sirius stopped his pacing, much to Peter's relief, and took a second to consider his next move. He relented and sat on the floor in font of Remus, who's hand instinctively started stroking the long dark hair as soon as the other boy's head rested on his knee. "Just give me an hour and then we'll find some way to deal with your boredom, alright?"

James snorted. "Will you, Moony?" 

 Sirius' eyes snapped open and he glared, but Remus didn't seem phased at all as he continued to read over Peter's DADA essay. James gave Sirius a knowing look and went back to his own work, but the smirk on his face remained. 

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit._

 Sirius stood up abruptly. "I'm going for a walk."  

"I'm coming with you." James said briskly, putting down his quill and standing as well. 

 Remus frowned. "Can't it wait?" He carefully set down the paper and looked up at them. "We're almost done anyway..." 

"Besides, if you want to prank the Slytherins so badly, you should probably plan it out first." Peter supplied with a hint to his voice. "We can't exactly get detention this week if you know-" 

 " _We_   _know what you mean_." Snapped Sirius, and Peter sunk back a little in his seat.

"Alright then, time to take the dog out. Let's go Padfoot." James grabbed Sirius by the elbow and dragged him out of the common room.

"What's wrong?" He asked once the portrait swung closed behind them. Both of Sirius' hands went up and he dragged his fingers through his hair, leaning against the cold stone wall with his eyes shut tight and exhaling slowly. 

 "You're right, okay?" 

"About what? I tend to be right about a lot of things." 

 " _You know about what!"_  

James sighed. "Yeah, mate...I do. So what are you going to do about it?" 

 Sirius laughed and shook his head. "What am I going to do about it? I'm not going to do anything about it! What? I'm suppose to just walk on up to him all casual like 'Hey Moony, lovely weather we're having. D'you have the notes from Arithmancy today? By the way, I'm in love with you!' Brilliant, Potter. Really." 

"Sure, why not?" 

 "Why not? WHY NOT! It will ruin everything!" Sirius was aware he was shouting but he couldn't stop. He had tears threatening to spill out of his eyes but he refused to let that happen. "James, if I tell him and he doesn't feel the same way, which he definitely doesn't, it'll make things... _weird_...and then there goes The Marauders, mate!" He turned and kicked the wall.

James took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. "But what if he does feel the same way as you? And he's just as bloody stubborn and oblivious as you are because you're both ridiculously thick and, I don't know, masochistic or something and-" 

 "He doesn't, Prongs." Sirius' voice was bitter and quiet.

"But how do you know-"

 "Because he shouldn't! No one should! I'm not good enough for him! For anyone, really, but especially not for someone as good and kind and...And he just..." He wiped furiously at his eyes. "He deserves someone better than me. I'll fuck it up. I fuck everything up." 

James was quiet, watching Sirius have his melt down. After a few minutes he sighed heavily. "Are you finished feeling sorry for yourself?" 

 Sirius blinked at him. "Uh...I...I think so..." He sniffed, averting his eyes even though he knew James could see that he was crying.

 "Good. Because honestly Sirius, that's all complete bullshit." James shook his head and stood next to him, leaning against the wall as well. "I know you feel sort of lost right now with whatever happened between you and Regulus over break, but that doesn't mean you're some awful person that doesn't deserve to be cared about. I care about you, you bloody prick." He elbowed the other boy lightly, earning a small laugh from him. "And so does Peter...And Remus does too. A lot. And if you'd just-"

"Look. I'm really not ready, alright? I sort of want this to all just go away. I don't want to ruin anything-" 

 "And how do you plan on making this go away, Sirius?" James asked, exasperated. "Hooking up with random blokes in the broom closet when you think no one's watching?" 

Sirius bit his lip, taking in a shaky breath. "How do you know about that?" 

 Slowly, a grin spread across James' face. "While you've been off snogging Davies in the cupboard, I may have been tinkering around with the map." 

 

-

 

"It works," Sirius gasped. "It actually bloody works!" 

 The four of them were huddled up on James' bed with the map laid out in front of them. Little dots labeled with students' and teachers' and staff's names moved all along the carefully plotted out sketches of the castle. 

"I can't believe it..." Remus muttered, eyes wide as he stared down at their masterpiece. All of the hard work they had put into it, spells and equations and time...and here it was. "This is incredible." 

 "It's not done yet," James warned. "Let's not get excited. We still need to work on the security. We don't want this falling into the wrong hands, obviously."

"Yeah, but still..." Breathed Peter. "Look! Dumbledore's in the loo..."

 Sirius grimaced. "Not really something we needed announced, Wormtail. Thanks."

"So," James looked around at them, unable to keep the grin from his face. "Shall we take it for a test run then?" He nodded to Sirius. "Still want to pull something over on the Slytherins, Padfoot?" 

 Sirius laughed. "Like you even have to ask." 

 

 


	32. Every Dog - Year Four

_Hands were tangled up in his hair, tugging gently enough that it wasn't quite painful, but still urgent as he dragged his lips teasingly down the thin, scarred chest. He smiled against the warm skin, hearing a moan and feeling the muscles of the other boy's abdomen fluttering beneath him with anticipation._

_"Sirius..."_

  _Hearing Remus say his name like that sent shivers down his own spine. He moaned in reply and continued pressing hot open mouthed kisses down his belly._

_"...Sirius..."_

 "Sirius?"

Sirius jerked awake, panting and staring right into Remus' concerned eyes. 

"Are you alright, Padfoot? You sounded like you were having a nightmare..."

Sirius blinked a few times and swallowed. His mouth felt incredibly dry. "I..." He cleared his throat and nodded. "Yes, I'm fine, Moony. A nightmare...yeah." He forced himself to meet Remus' eyes, painfully aware of the current problem below the covers that would prove his dream was anything but a nightmare, depending on your point of view of course. "You should be asleep, Remus. You need it." 

A smile tugged at the corner of Remus' lips and he shrugged. "I'll be fine. This month wasn't so bad...it hasn't been bad at all since you lot have been with me."  He slid under the covers beside Sirius who moved as far over to the other side of the mattress as he could without tumbling off. He stared up at the canopy of his bed, reciting arithmancy equations in his head, trying to block out the fact that Remus' thigh was pressed against his own...had these beds always been so small?

 "Do you want to talk about it?" Remus asked quietly after a moment.

"W-what?"

 Remus turned on his side to face him. The curtains weren't closed all the way around the bed and the waning moonlight made his eyes glow, still more wolf than boy at this point. "The nightmare?"

"Oh...right...it was nothing." He forced a smile. Remus didn't seem convinced. He shifted under the covers and Sirius thought he was going to die. "Sorry." Murmured the werewolf, sounding a little embarrassed. "Not as much room as there use to be, eh?"

_Stupid bloody lanky git...._

"Worried about going home for the summer?" 

That wasn't technically false, Sirius reasoned with himself and he nodded. "Yeah...but I'm suppose to go to James' after about a week anyway so it won't be too horrible." He swallowed again. He wished he had some water, his tongue felt like sandpaper. "You're coming to James', right?" 

Remus nodded. "I am. For three weeks in July and then again at the end of August before school...I'd stay the whole way through but...well...you know." 

 "I'm sorry." Sirius breathed. 

"For what? You've nothing to be sorry for, Pads. It's not your fault I'm a mon-"

 "Will you cut that out, you prat?" Sirius gritted his teeth. Remus most certainly was not a monster, and how dare anyone suggest it? Even Remus himself. Especially himself! "You know I can't stand it when you call yourself-" 

"What am I suppose to think, Padfoot?" Remus muttered sadly. "When there's a whole four chapters in our Defense Against The Dark Arts texts that tell me that's what I am?"

 "Well, whoever wrote it never properly met a werewolf." Grumbled Sirius, huffing in annoyance. 

Remus laughed softly and shook his head. "You're...something else, Pads." He sighed. "You alright to go back to sleep?" 

 "Yeah. You don't have to stay if you don't-"

"Don't be silly, Sirius. You've always stayed with me after a nightmare." 

_You probably weren't sporting a hard-on from a stupid dream about me._ Sirius thought bitterly. He turned onto his side, facing away from the other boy. "Night Moony."

"Goodnight Padfoot." 

 

-

 

The rest of the year flew by. Between planning every full moon, plotting their end of the year mischief and studying for their exams, it was as if they blinked and suddenly they were back on the Hogwarts Express back home. 

Remus could feel the jittery, nervous energy that radiated off of Sirius as the train hurried along. He was far too quiet and his eyes were glued to the window, watching everything speed past him and counting down the minutes until he would be stuck back at home. Even if it were just for a few days until he could escape to The Potters', they all knew those few days would be an eternity to him. 

 "Sirius?" Remus inquired softly, under the excited chattering of James and Peter who were going on about Puddlemere United. 

"Hmm?" Was Sirius' distracted reply, still staring off into the darkness outside the window. His eyes, which Remus could see in the reflection of the glass, looked woeful and dull and did not hold the mischievous, defiant glint they normally did. He was also tugging on a strand of hair that had fallen loose from the messy knot on top of his head, as he commonly did when he was anxious or upset. Remus chewed his lip for a moment, trying to decide on his next action. Everything in him wanted to pull the other boy to him, kiss his pouting lips and make him smile that ridiculously goofy smile that was so uniquely Padfoot. That, of course, was simply out of he question...But there was another way to calm the storm that raged inside Sirius' mind. One that had only started to make itself known once Sirius became an animagus and bits of his animal form started to mesh with his human personality. With a quick glance at James and Peter, still too involved in their conversation to notice anything else, Remus sighed and tentatively reached forward, pulling Sirius' hair free of it's tie and letting it fall like spilled ink down his back. He began to run his fingers through the soft waves. "Stop pulling at it," He scolded gently. "You'll wind up going bald and then I'll be the one who has to tell you you still look dashing. Your ego is far too delicate for baldness, Padfoot." 

He saw the tenseness in Sirius' shoulders subside almost instantly as he scooted closer, still finger combing through the thick black locks, gathering it all at the nape of Sirius' neck where he started twisting the strands into an intricate braid. Sirius exhaled and leaned back, practically in Remus' lap and their eyes met briefly in the reflection of the window before Sirius' fluttered closed, finally relaxed. 

"Hey Pete," James said quietly, watching the other two from the corner of his eye. "What d'you think?" 

 Peter snorted and shook his head. "I think that every dog has his owner, and Padfoot has always belonged to Remus...even if they don't know it yet." 

James nodded. "You're a smart man, Wormy." 

The train pulled up to Kings Cross and students rushed off the train to hug and kiss their families. The Marauders took their time, not quite ready to leave each other just yet. Sirius could see his parents greeting his brother in the distance, feeling a knot forming in the pit of his stomach. Remus didn't want to say anything to upset Sirius further, but his own anxiety wasn't exactly staying quiet either, and he was truly dreading his return home to spend the next three full moons without his friends there to keep him company. James came up behind them, clapping them both on the shoulder. 

 "Sirius, I'll see you next week, right? Remus, next month?" 

"Yeah..." Both boys muttered in response. They both got a bone crushing hug from the bespectacled boy, who then took off to join his parents leaving them on their own.

 "It'll be alright, Sirius." Remus assured him as they stood shoulder to shoulder, staring off into the crowd of students and their parents. "Won't it?"

Sirius nodded. "Of course it will." between them, their fingers brushed and with a surge of courage, or perhaps stupidity, Sirius grabbed Remus' hand and squeezed it. "We're Marauders. We'll be fine."  

 


	33. A Little Risk - Summer 1975

 

The hot July sun was beating down hard on the acres of property behind the Potters' Estate. James and Sirius had long forgotten their game of one on one Quidditch, ditching their brooms somewhere in the field along with their shirts and shorts and choosing instead to roughhouse in the cool lake at the edge of the grounds. They had spent the better part of the afternoon shoving and wrestling each other in the water, seeing who could hold who under longer. It must have been around three o'clock that they both trudged, waterlogged and breathless, back to the grass and collapsed there on the ground. Sirius sat up and shook out his hair in a dog-like fashion before tying it up in a knot and falling heavily to rest on his best friend's stomach.

"Oof!" The air left James' lungs with impressive force and he shoved the other boy's head away. "Must you? You've got a fat head." 

 "Do not." Sirius chuckled, making himself comfortable and stretching out his limbs. 

"Do too. It's from that bloody thick skull and all that ego." James knocked lightly on the top of Sirius' head for emphasis.

 "I think you've mistaken me for yourself there, mate. Ask anyone. Ask Evans!"

James rolled his eyes and gave Sirius another shove to get him off. "It's too bloody hot to have you all over me." He plucked his glasses up out of the grass beside him and put them back on. "You don't get to talk to me about Evans until you've told Remus you're bloody pathetically in love with him."

 Sirius was still sniggering madly, lying flat on his back. "Oh come on, that's hardly fair. And anyway, at least Remus doesn't hate my very existence. Evans can hardly stand to be in the same room as you without hexing you." 

 James smirked and shrugged his shoulders "There's a fine line between love and hate, Padfoot." 

 "Yeah. That and a restraining order." Sirius snorted, flipping onto his stomach and narrowly missing the lazy swing of James' fist. They say in a comfortable silence for a while, enjoying the feeling of the hot summer sun on their already tanned skin. They had both nearly drifted off when the sound of Mrs. Potter calling for them made Sirius' head perk up from the grass.

"James, Sirius! Remus and Peter are here!" 

Both boys leapt to their feet and ran back to the house, only mildly aware that they were naked except for their still damp boxers. They both skidded wetly across the marble floors and nearly crashed into the other two who were standing in the doorway with their things. The four of them fell into fits of laughter, exchanging excited hellos as Mrs. Potter shook her head, smiling fondly and waving her wand at the muddy puddles on her floor that had been tracked in. 

 The boys made their way up to James' bedroom to put their things away, chatting about how their summers had been so far and making their plans for the remainder. 

"How've you been, Moony?" James asked once they were safely behind closed doors. 

Remus shrugged. "Honestly I'm alright. I mean, don't get me wrong, being locked in the cellar on my own doesn't compare to running through the woods with my mates but- Padfoot, really, don't give me that look. I'm fine. It's a necessary precaution..."

 Sirius' eyes narrowed and he huffed, turning to look out the window.

"Besides," Remus continued, the beginnings of a rare smirk tugging at his lips. "My dad's been taking pity on me. He's given me something to help after with the pain. Made me swear not to tell mum or let any of the staff at school find out." 

 

-

"You've got to be bloody kidding me." James' eyes were so wide they were nearly bigger than the frames of his glasses, staring with his mouth agape at the plastic bag Remus held out in front of them.

The four of them were seated around a roaring fire out by the old shed in the field behind the house. Mr. and Mrs Potter had suggested that the rowdy boys take advantage of the weather and spend the night outdoors with their sleeping bags. This was fine by them, especially with the surprise Remus had sprung on them. 

 "And your dad just  _gives_  it to you?" Sirius half laughed, grinning from ear to ear. "That's bloody fantastic, Moony." 

Peter seemed slightly more uneasy about it than the others. "It actually helps?" 

Remus looked thoughtful for a second. "Er...well, mostly it just makes me not care so much. And it makes me hungry as fuck...so he usually comes down in the morning and smokes it with me and brings me some sort of sweets my mum baked." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Like I said, it's nothing compared to what you lot do for me, but-" 

"Oh no, Moons. This is brilliant." Sirius cut him off excitedly. "So you're not going to hold out on us then, right?"

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. "No, I brought it with me so I could shove it in your faces and keep it to myself."

"You're a saint, Moony." James said solemnly, clapping him on the shoulder. 

"So..." Peter started slowly, still eyeing the bag of pot warily. "Er...how exactly do you...you know...do it?" 

 Sirius groaned and shook his head. "Oh come on, Wormy. You smoke it!"

"I know that, you mutt!" Peter snapped back irritably. "I meant how d'you-"

 "Relax. Both of you." Remus sighed as he opened the bag and reached into his pocket to pull out a tiny packet of thin papers. "Honestly, I should have thought of this sooner, maybe it will shut the two of you up." 

They all watched in an amazed silence as Remus' long, nimble fingers rolled an impressively large amount of the plant up in a sheet of paper. "At home dad's got a pipe, and I like that better to be honest. It tastes cleaner. But he wouldn't let me have it, so...paper it is." He felt around in his pockets and frowned. "Fuck..."

"Light?" Asked Sirius, reaching into his own jeans. Remus nodded and Sirius tossed him his lighter. Remus raised a suspicious eyebrow for a second before bringing the joint to his lips and lighting it. Three sets of eyes watched him intently as he inhaled, held it in for a few seconds and let it out.

"Me next." Sirius practically jumped up when Remus had finished, making the lighter haired boy laugh and start to cough. 

 "Fuck, Padfoot...calm down. Here." He held the joint out to him. 

Sirius, with a little too much enthusiasm, inhaled quite a bit and ended up hacking with Remus thumping hard on his back. The werewolf sighed and shook his head. "I told you. No matter, you'll be high as a hippogriff in no time..." 

 James snatched the spliff from Sirius, who was still doubled over and coughing, and was able to maintain himself as he took his first hit, though his face did scrunch up a bit and his eyes watered. "That's a tad harsh on the throat, isn't it?" 

"I never noticed," Remus said nonchalantly. "My throats normally already raw from howling so...I wouldn't know the difference." 

When it was Peter's turn, the boy hesitated. 

 "Come on, Wormtail." Sirius urged, finally catching his breath although his voice had gone slightly raspy. "We've all done it. Don't be a wuss."

"Don't pressure him, Pads." Scolded Remus. "Peter, you only have to if you want to."

 Peter's watery blue eyes darted from one friend to the other as he mentally debated. "What's it feel like?" 

"My heads a bit spinny," James said, looking like he was trying to find the right words to describe it. "And my mouth is dry. But it feels good. You'll like it." 

 "I'm hungry." Sirius muttered. He had plopped himself down to sit cross legged in the grass and was staring at the fire with glassy, red eyes. "Just...I'm really bloody _hungry_." He giggled a bit. Remus bit back a laugh and fished a chocolate frog from his pocket, handing it to the now fitfully giggling boy. "I've never been this hungry. Jim, did we eat today?" 

 Now James was laughing too. "Yeah, mate. You had like...an entire stack of pancakes for breakfast and three servings of mum's chicken at dinner and I- wait...was that today? What day is it?" 

Peter's brows knitted together in concern and he looked at Remus. "Is that normal?" 

"Yes." Remus said simply, taking another hit for himself. "Don't worry about them. They're more than fine. But really, it's not a big deal. You don't have to do it if you don't want to, Peter." 

 Peter gave the two laughing boys another look and smiled, relenting. "Alright, fine." 

Remus passed the joint to him. "Just don't inhale it like your sucking a bloody milkshake down or you'll end up like this pair of hyenas." 

 

-

 

"No, no wait...seriously?" Laughed Sirius, holding his sides. "You never told me you snogged _Alice_! Mate that's pretty fucked up. Frank's been holding a torch for that bird." 

 James rolled his eyes. "That's why I didn't tell you, you twat. You've got a big bloody mouth." He threw a handful of grass at the other boy. "It was one time in third year and I hadn't kissed anyone and neither had she so we did." 

 "Have you done anything else?" Peter asked curiously, lying on his stomach and poking at the burning embers of the fire.

James' hand darted to his hair nervously and he coughed a little. "Er...I mean, I've hand my hand up a few skirts here and there."

Sirius snorted. "Impressive." 

 James glared. "Oh please. And just how far have you gotten in all of your late night trips to the broom cupboard?"

Sirius chuckled and shook his head. "You lads don't want to hear about where I've put which parts."

"So you're telling me you've done it, then?" Said James, raising a skeptical eyebrow and leaning back on his elbows. "With whatever random bloke that crossed your path that week..."

 Sirius shot him a dirty look and sighed. "I've gotten...and given...my fair amount of blow jobs in those broom closets if you really must know. Among other things, and you know what, what about Peter? How far's our little whiskers gotten, eh?" he nudged the smaller boy, desperately wanting to get the attention off himself.

 Peter squeaked in surprise at being called out so suddenly and let out a anxious laugh. "I...I mean...I kissed Emmeline a few times last year." 

 Sirius barked with laughter. "Good on you, Pete. She's a nice looking girl." His eyes drifted to Remus, who had remained quiet for the entire discussion. "What about you, Moony?" 

 "Hmm?" Remus seemed to break out of a daze. "Me?"

James grinned. "Yeah Rem. I'm sure plenty of birds are looking your way. Girls like that dorky, innocent thing." He shot a quick look at Sirius who had conveniently taken interest in what must have been a very fascinating chocolate frog card. 

 Remus made an odd face and struggled with his thoughts for a moment. The stall made Sirius break his feigned concentration on his card, looking at the other boy out of the corner of his eye and biting the inside of his cheek. "No one..." He sighed. "No one's going to want to be with me once they know the truth. So I don't...I don't bother with it..." He mumbled. 

None of them spoke. A few times James looked like he might have had something to say, but he covered it with an awkward, forced cough. Then Sirius stood. "I need to...I just need to...smoke in my eyes. From the fire." He muttered, kicking the dirt under his foot before he turned and walked away in the direction of the lake.

 

Sirius sat down heavily at the edge of the water, cradling his head in his hands. He shouldn't be so angry, he knew. It wasn't his business whether Remus wanted to be with anyone or not. He just couldn't stand the way the other boy always belittled himself like that. He hated it, because to him Remus was everything good in the world and the fact that he was so quick to doubt that just because some creep decided to attack him as a child made Sirius want to scream. Growling in frustration, he dug into his back pocket for his pack of cigarettes. He ran both hands through his hair and pulled.

 "Those are awful for you, you know..." Remus' voice chided softly from behind him. Sirius' heart skipped and he swallowed hard. "I'll live." He said quietly. 

Remus slowly took a seat beside him and he could feel the boys eyes baring into him. "Sirius?" 

 " _What,_ Remus?" He snapped in response, immediately regretting it when he saw Remus flinch slightly. He exhaled slowly and watched the grey smoke swirl in front of his eyes. "Sorry...I didn't mean to snap at you..."

Remus shrugged. "I think we're all use to it by now." 

"That doesn't make me feel better." Sirius grumbled in annoyance. He sighed. "Sorry...again..." He finally looked at the other boy. "What did you want to say?" 

Remus chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, looking down at his lap. "Are you mad at me?" 

Sirius exhaled sharply in an almost-laugh. "Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you?"

 "You stormed off like that." Remus absently picked at the grass around him. "I know you don't like hearing it, Padfoot. But that's how it is. The world isn't a very welcoming place to people like me. I don't even know what's going to happen to me after school. No one will hire me..." He turned and watched Sirius snub out his cigarette. "I've known this my whole life and I've accepted it. I'm never going to have a relationship or anything...Not everyone's going to be as willing to accept a monst-"

"Shut up, Remus!" Sirius all but shouted, getting to his feet. "Merlin, just shut the fuck up and stop talking about yourself like...like you don't even matter!"

 Remus stared up at him, unblinking. "Sirius, I-"

"No! Fuck you, Remus! _Gods_! You have no idea how much I want to strangle you every time you say this stupid shit about yourself or how no one will ever want you! I hate it! I hate hearing you call yourself a monster because you're not! You're...you're kind and funny and smart and... _Merlin, fucking beautiful_...and you deserve someone who is going to love every fucking part of you, including the wolf! So just stop telling yourself that no ones ever going to love you because for fuck sake, _I fucking love you_! I've loved you for as long as I can remember but you're too fucking full of self pity to notice-"

"Sirius..." Remus breathed, his eyes wide in shock, but Sirius continued to rant.

"And I've tried! I've tried so bloody hard to make those feelings go away but-"

"Sirius!" Remus stood.

"They won't! So you can go ahead and hate me for this, but I-" Sirius gasped as Remus grabbed his face with both hands and crushed their mouths together. Time stopped. They both froze in shock and after a moment, Remus pulled away looking completely horrified at what he had just done.

 "I..." He licked his lips. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have-"

 Sirius swallowed thickly, grey eyes searching gold before he reached up, grabbing fistfuls of Remus' hair and closing the distance between their mouths again. This time they were ready, and when Remus' lips parted Sirius took the opportunity to flick his tongue into the other boy's mouth. Remus' hands fell from Sirius' face and slowly traveled down to rest on his hips, pulling him closer as their tongues slid against each other and their teeth clicked. 

They sunk to the ground without breaking apart, and Sirius moaned in surprise as Remus, in an uncharacteristically bold manner, straddled his legs and gently pushed him onto his back, deepening the kiss. Sirius could feel his heart beating against his chest as his senses were completely overwhelmed with Remus. The scent of parchment and fire and forest and the taste of chocolate and peppermint tea and what Sirius supposed was the pot they had smoked...

 They finally broke apart, both panting heavily and staring into each other's eyes.

"You..." Remus licked his lips. "You love me?" 

Sirius nodded. "I think I always have, Moony..." He reached up to brush the fringe of Remus' hair out of his eyes. 

 Remus half laughed, half choked. "I love you too, Sirius."

They kissed softly again, just a touch of their lips together. 

"...If we do this...us, for real..." Remus barely whispered, eyes baring into Sirius' with apprehension. "We could be risking everything, you know..."

 Sirius smiled, resting his hand against Remus' cheek and running his thumb gently across the boy's lips. He shrugged. "What's life without a little risk?" 


	34. Summer 1975 part 2

James was pacing. 

He was pacing back and forth across his bedroom, and every couple of steps he would stop, look at Sirius and Remus who were seated next to each other on the bed, and open his mouth to speak. Then he would sigh, and the pacing would continue. Peter was sitting in the corner, watching the scene and trying not to laugh. 

"Er...what are you doing, exactly?" Sirius asked finally, starting to become concerned with his friend's behavior. After all, James was the one who had been pushing him to come out and tell Remus about his feelings.

 James stopped his odd little march and faced the two boys on the bed once again. They were seated close enough that their thighs were touching, and between them their hands were interlocked, fingers laced and knuckles white as their amusement at James' reaction slowly turned to mild panic. "I'm trying to decide which of you I'm meant to give the 'hurt my best friend and I'll slaughter you' speech." 

 "I'm your best friend." Sirius reminded him, nearly pouting.

 "Yes, but you're also an idiot." James had resumed the dreadful back and forth. Sirius' mouth fell open, affronted. He made a movement as if to stand but Remus pulled him back with a sigh. 

 "The speech isn't necessary, Prongs." Remus said calmly. "We know the risks we're taking. We talked about it, all night." 

Sirius snorted. "Well, not all night-" 

"Padfoot, that's enough." Remus rolled his eyes at his boyfriend... _his boyfriend_.  _They were boyfriends now._  James groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Alright, that's...that's the other thing we need to talk about." He waved his hand haphazardly at them. "Er...you know...I speak for both Peter and myself," he gestured to Peter, who was still sitting in the corner with his hand over his mouth as he held back what was probably a painful fit of laughter. He managed a small nod and James continued. "When I say that we're both in total support of this. In fact, Wormy owes me five galleons. He thought it would take til the end of the summer-"

 Sirius raised an eyebrow "You bet on us?"

"Not the point," James went on, waving him off. "We support you, we're happy for you...we just beg you to please...for the love of Merlin,  _please_...use silencing charms."

Peter lost it at that, laughing so hard that he fell over. Remus was blushing profusely and Sirius did not look amused, but he nodded, wearing an agitated frown. 

"Yes, yes. We'll be considerate of your poor virgin ears when conducting our displays of physical affection. Anything else?"

James thought for a moment before adding "Don't have sex on my bed."

 "Seconded." Peter managed between giggles.

"We...we're not...y'know..." Remus stuttered, bringing a hand up to rub the back of his neck anxiously. "I mean...not...not yet...can we please end this conversation?" He hid his red face behind his hands. 

James scratched his head, pondering, making sure he had hit every point he wanted to make. He gave a little shrug. "Yeah, that's all I suppose." 

Remus breathed a sigh of relief. That was humiliating. But he understood it had to be said. The dynamic of the group was going to change and boundaries needed to be discussed. At least it was over-

 "Wait," Said Sirius suddenly. Remus groaned. "What about kissing?" 

James froze and raised an eyebrow. "What about it?" 

Sirius chewed his lip for a second before meeting James' eyes with a stern glare that meant he wouldn't be swayed from what he was going to say. "I mean, Remus and I are a couple," saying that out loud did make Sirius' stomach flutter a bit, but this was no time for butterflies. He meant business. "So we're going to kiss each other. In the dorm room, the common room...maybe the corridors, I don't know...but I just want to be clear that it won't...you know...be an issue." His voice faltered slightly with nerves but he kept his gaze strong and unarguable. Beside him he heard Remus' breath hitch and his hand involuntarily squeezed. Sirius squeezed back, not breaking eye contact with James, challenging him to say something against him. There was a heavy silence and Sirius and Remus were both actually holding their breath. Then James laughed.

 "Are you kidding? Of course I know you two will be kissing. Fuck, I've watched the two of you pine after each other for nearly two years, I was nearly ready to tie you up and leave you in a closet with a permanent sticking charm on your damn lips. Kiss all you damn well please, Merlin knows every other couple in school does." He shook his head, still laughing and looking at the couple in disbelief that they would even be concerned about that. 

 Sirius sighed and nodded. "Every other couple in school are-"

"Straight?" James snorted. "So? You two are the same as them. You're all...disgustingly in love and googoo eyes for each other...if they can throw it in everyone's faces so can you. And if anyone else tries to give you lads a problem, I'll hex them myself. Right Pete?" He nodded to Peter, who had finally stopped laughing and was sitting and listening, nodding along.

 "Honestly I'd rather see you two snog than Bellatrix and that Lestrange bloke." The boy shuddered at the thought. 

"Fair point." Sirius muttered. 

"Point is," James said, suddenly very serious and looking between the two of them again. "We love you both, and if you're happy together then we're happy for you. Just..." He sighed, face screwed up slightly as he tried to come up with the right way to convey his thoughts. "Don't....hurt each other..." 

Sirius and Remus exchanged looks. Their eyes met and for a split second, they were both lost as their hearts sped up just a bit and those damn butterflies went wild in the stomachs. Both of their mouths twitched up just a little. Sirius licked his lips and shook his head. "Never..."

 James watched them, arms crossed and feeling little bit apprehensive. They loved each other, that much had been obvious since they were eleven years old and climbing into each other's beds when they thought no one knew. He knew, logically, that neither of them would ever intentionally hurt the other. But he also knew both boys well enough to know that there were certain aspects of their personalities, and in the history of their friendship, that were bound to be problematic once things like romance and sex inevitably came into the equation. That, James decided, was something to be concerned about at a later time. For now, his two best friends were happy and in love.

And snogging on his bed.

"Alright! We get it! You're in love!" He picked a pillow up off the floor and threw it full force at the couple, who broke apart and laughed. 

"And just remember what I said about silencing charms!" 

 -

 "Your sister bloody hates me, Lils." Marlene laughed as she closed the bedroom door behind her. "You should have seen her face when she saw me waiting outside the loo to brush my teeth."

Lily sighed and shook her head, flipping idly through her potions text book on her bed. "Don't flatter yourself, Marly." She chided gently without lifting her eyes from her book. "She hates everything to do with magic. There's no use trying to be nice to her."

Marlene snorted, turning to face the mirror on the wall and fussing with her long blonde hair. "Oh don't worry, I wasn't nice." 

 "I didn't think you would be." Lily smiled wryly, closing her textbook and putting it back in her trunk. "That's why when my parents told me to invite a friend home, I picked you and not Dorcas or Mary."

Marlene faked a hurt expression with a hand on her heart, red glossed lips forming a perfect O in mock offense. "It's not because I'm your best friend?" She shook her head and smirked. "Hurtful, Evans. Really." She put her focus back on her reflection. 

Lily rolled her eyes. "No. It's just that Mary is far too sensitive, and I wouldn't want Petunia's obvious... _disdain_....to make her feel bad. And Dorcas is so overly friendly, she would take it up as a challenge to make Tuney like her." She tried to keep her tone light, like it didn't bother her that these were concerns about bringing her closest friends home with her. Marlene frowned, watching the redhead in the mirror's reflection. She crossed the room and took a seat next to her on the bed.

 "Hey," She said softly, reaching up and tucking a strand of dark red hair behind her friend's ear. "Don't let it get to you, Lils. Maybe...maybe she'll get over it some day. You never know, eh?" 

Green eyes blinked back tears and she let out a shaky sigh. "I just..." She sniffled a bit. "She's my sister, Marly. And she hates me...for something I can't even control..." Lily allowed herself to be pulled in by her best friend, leaning against the other girl's chest and letting the tears fall. Marlene ran her perfectly polished nails comfortingly up and down Lily's back. "It's alright, Lily. Don't cry, love...Merlin, if you cry I'll have to go and put toads eyes in her shampoo for upsetting you." 

Lily laughed and wiped at her eyes. "You hung around Black too much last year, I think." 

 Marlene sighed and shook her head. "You know, They aren't that bad. The Marauders..." She grabbed a hair brush, settling behind her friend and began to pull it through Lily's long locks. She heard the other girl groan. 

"Right. They're only conceited, obnoxious, disruptive, rude-" 

 "Oh please," Marlene pulled sharply on Lily's hair to cut her off. "They are not...well...at least...Remus and Peter aren't." 

Lily laughed. "I never said I had a problem with Remus or Peter. They're nice enough. In fact, I can't see what it is that makes them friends with Black and Potter." 

"They take good care of each other." Marlene commented lightly. "I mean everyone knows Remus is...not well...Potter and Black and Pettigrew really do everything they can for him. I mean, Sirius even takes notes in class when Remus is ill! And you know that boy isn't taking notes for himself." Both girls giggled at that. 

 "Anyway," Lily continued, soberly. "They may take care of each other, but you can't deny they can be bullies to everyone else. Come one, Marly. You've seen the things they have done to people-" 

"Yeah, and it's all been pretty harmless." 

Lily bit her lip.  _Not everything..._ She thought bitterly. True, most of the pranks the boys pulled were aimed at large groups of students, if not everyone all at once, and were irritating and inconvenient at best. No one was ever seriously injured from anything The Marauders had pulled. No one except...

 "Look, if this is about their little... _rivalry_ with Severus," Marlene waved her hand dismissively. "Have you thought about the fact that maybe he might be giving them proper reason to-" 

"Marlene," Huffed Lily, trying her best to keep herself from becoming overly defensive of the boy. "Look, I know that Severus isn't everyone's cup of tea," Marlene snorted, but Lily ignored her and continued. "And I know he's mixed in with a bad lot lately. But I think he's just...a little lost, that's all." she sighed and stared at her hands in her lap as Marlene secured her hair it a ponytail. "He's been a very good friend to me since before Hogwarts even. I don't think he's a bad person, and I don't think he shares the views his... _friends_...have. But Potter and Black torment him, and that doesn't make it any easier." 

 Marlene nodded, though in her mind she couldn't disagree more. She knew that Lily's mind wouldn't be persuaded against the Slytherin, who Marlene always found a bit creepy. But Lily wouldn't hear a bad word about him. Marlene had to wonder what exactly it would take to show Lily that this boy wasn't what she thought he was. And perhaps James and Sirius were a little harsh with what they said and did to Snape, but she had never seen them pick on anyone that hadn't done something to provoke them.

A high pitched scream from the hall disrupted them and Lily slowly turned around, raising an eyebrow. "...Marlene...?" 

The blond giggled and shrugged, the exact opposite of a vision of innocence. "What?" 

Lily frowned and Marlene groaned. "Alright fine. I replaced her her toothpaste with slug mucus, but it won't hurt her!" 

-

Maybe it had been some sort of mistake.

It must have been a mistake. Remus actually felt himself gag as he stared down at the envelope that laid open on James' bed. He didn't even want to touch the pin that had fallen out of it.

"This is some sort of joke." Said Sirius, voicing his exact thoughts. "Who on earth would make you a prefect, Moony?" 

Remus groaned and shook his head. "Don't say it out loud, Padfoot...It might be a prank, and if you say it out loud it'll solidify in some strange parallel universe and be true." He rubbed at his eyes, hoping to make the stupid thing disappear. "All I wanted was to get through school completely under the radar like any other normal student." He mumbled. "What are they thinking? My bloody boyfriend is the biggest delinquent in school..." 

"To be fair," Piped Peter. "No one knows Padfoot is your boyfriend yet."

James sighed, shaking his head. "It's got to be some sort of conspiracy, mate." He watched as Remus gingerly picked the shiny pin up between two fingers, as if it might burn him. "Probably so you'll tighten the reigns on the rest of us."

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. "Like I ever had the reigns to begin with." He dropped the little piece of metal and wiped his hand on his jeans, shaking his head furiously. "Nope. Nope, don't want it. I just want to pass my bloody OWLs and move on with my life." He shuddered. He would go to Dumbledore's office as soon as they got back to the school and respectfully decline. He didn't need any more responsibility, and he really didn't need to be expected to control the dynamic duo of James and Sirius. "Fuuuuuck." 

Sirius wound his arms around Remus' waist, resting his head on the werewolf's shoulder. "Alright, well...This may not be the worst thing, you know? There's a bright side to this." 

 "Is there?" 

"Prefect's bathroom is probably a great place to sha-Ow! Why'd you hit me?" 

 "Because someone had to and Remus wasn't doing it." Said Peter with a smirk. "Actually though, I think you may be on to something with there being a bright side to this." He picked up the prefect badge, inspecting it closely. "Think about it, Moony's going to know all the school rules-" 

James laughed. "Doesn't he already?" 

Peter ignored him and continued. "So he'll know how to get around them as well, won't you Moony?"

Remus bit his lip, feeling a little uneasy. "I don't know..."

 "That's a good point, Wormtail." Sirius said with a sly grin. He turned his face to nuzzle Remus' cheek. "Having a prefect on our side could work in our favor."

Remus shook his head. "No. It's not happening. I'm going straight to Dumbledore and telling him I don't want it." He stepped out of Sirius' embrace and took the pin from Peter, stuffing it back into the envelope. "I've got enough trouble with time management without having to go to prefect meetings, or doing rounds at night. And besides, what if I have to give one of you detention?" 

James and Sirius exchanged looks and broke into fits of laughter. "Yeah, like you'd give us detention. Good one, Moony." James snickered.

Remus frowned, offended. "If I'm a prefect and I see you lot doing something wrong, which...let's face it, other than breathing everything you do is bloody wrong-"

 "But that's what's so brilliant, Moons!" Sirius grinned. "We can do all of that in front of you and not get in trouble!" 

"That's...really disrespectful, Sirius." Said Remus flatly, taking a seat on the bed and reading over the letter that had come with the stupid silver pin. It wasn't that he was ungrateful to Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall for feeling that he was a worthy enough student for such a title, but he wasn't as sure of himself as they seemed to be. Still, it was an honor and his friends weren't being very supportive. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying not to let himself get angry with them. He didn't want it anyway, so what did it matter if they were acting like idiots about it? There was a very obvious tension in the air as James, Sirius and Peter began to notice that Remus wasn't amused by their behavior.

James cleared his throat. "Listen, Moony. You don't need to make a decision about this right now, right? We've still got three weeks til the start of term. Take some time to think on it."

 "Yeah," Remus sighed, folding up the letter and putting it away. "I suppose so." 

James clapped him on the shoulder. "Great then," He said briskly. "Let's enjoy the rest of the summer and worry about school when the time comes. I for one could use some fresh air. Anyone fancy a walk?" 

Sirius, instinctively, looked up. "Where are we going?"

James shrugged. "Muggle town a few blocks away? There's some decent shops around." He had barely finished suggesting it when Sirius almost had both shoes on and was practically out the bedroom door. James snorted and shook his head. "You should really consider leashing him, Moony." 

"It's crossed my mind." 


	35. Leather - Summer 1975 part 3

There was nothing too exciting about the muggle town that was walking distance from The Potters' estate, other than the fact that it was a change of scenery for the boys who had spent the last few weeks pestering Euphemia and Fleamont, running around the manor and the grounds and causing the usual ruckus that comes with being 15 year olds. It was mostly a few family run shops, an ice cream parlor and a pub. But to Sirius, who had never been allowed around areas heavily populated by Muggles, it was an entirely different world. Remus had watched in amusement as Sirius, James and Peter tore through the stationary store, eyes wide and minds blown by the idea of writing utensils that didn't need to be dipped in an ink well every few lines. 

"But how does it  _work_?" 

 "The ink is stored inside." Explained Remus, holding back his laughter while James inspected an average ball point pen.

 "Muggles," The pureblood sighed, utterly impressed. "They really do think of some of the greatest things."

 "I suppose they have no choice." Sirius agreed, picking up a stapler which Remus immediately took from him, muttering under his breath about sharp things and not wanting to have a trip to the hospital if Sirius put an eye out. "Since they haven't got magic, they've got to figure out how to get by..."

It had taken far too long to drag them all out of the shop and Remus, being the only one of the four with any muggle money on him, had gone as far as to buy a pack of cheap pens for the other three so they could experiment with them all they wanted, without bothering the elderly shop keeper that had been watching them suspiciously for the last half an hour. It was closing in on dinner time and they were going to call it a day when something caught Sirius' eye, and without a word he sped across the street to press his nose against the glass window of the storefront. 

 "Told you to leash him." James smirked, nudging Remus with his elbow as they crossed to meet Sirius outside what turned out to be a boutique that sold clothing and records. The store had Sirius written all over it. 

 "I'm going in," Sirius announced, not waiting for a reply as he swung the door open and hurried inside. James, Peter and Remus all exchanged a look and shrugged before they followed him in.

 Sirius had made a b line directly to the front corner of the shop where he was stood in awe, admiring a mannequin that was sporting a simple, sleek, black leather jacket.   At first he just stood completely still, staring at it as if it were the most beautiful work of art known to man. Then, tentatively, he reached out and touched the surprisingly soft material. 

 "Alright Pads?" Peter asked, raising an eyebrow. They were all a little confused at just what about the jacket had Sirius so bewildered. Sirius didn't respond, he appeared to be contemplating something as his eyes narrowed and he chewed his bottom lip. Finally, and with surprising care for the usually rambunctious teenager, he slid the article off the plastic model. He inspected it again at a closer glance before turning to face the mirrored wall behind him and slipping the jacket on over his black t shirt. His grey eyes widened a little as he watched his reflection, running his hands over his sides and observing himself at different angles. 

 "So how does it look? Pretty badass, eh?" Sirius flashed a grin over his leather clad shoulder, addressing his friends as though he had just remembered they were with him. He looked for all the world like he stepped right off the cover of a biker's catalog

 "Hot." Said Remus, eyeing his boyfriend up and down with the shadow of a smirk pulling at his lips. Sirius' grin turned devilish and he winked at the other boy. 

"Oh yeah? You like it that much, Moony?" 

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. "No, you prat. I meant you look bloody boiling. It's August and that thing looks like it weighs a ton. Take it off, you'll die of heat stroke."

James and Peter both held back laughter as Sirius' face fell slightly. 

 "I think I look fit as hell." He said, jutting his chin up slightly in confidence. "Don't lie, Moony. You know you agree." 

Remus' expression softened and he chuckled. "Yeah Pads. I mean...it does look really nice on you. But it hardly matters, you've not got any muggle money and besides," he reached forward and grasped the tag that hung from the sleeve. "It's really expensive." He winced at the price. 

 Sirius deflated, looking again at his own reflection and wearing a face of wishfulness that Remus actually found very endearing. He looked like a puppy who had been told he couldn't have the left over table scraps. 

 "Come on, Padfoot." James said, sobering up slightly as he caught the look of disappointment on his friend's face. "I'm sure you'll be able to get one like it eventually. And like Remus said, it's bloody August. You don't need it now."

 Sirius sighed and shrugged out of the jacket, putting it carefully back in its place and giving it one last hopeful once over before he followed his friends out of the store. 

As they walked back to the Potters', Sirius didn't say much. After a while of allowing the boy to sulk, Remus gently grabbed him by the elbow and smiled softly when the sad grey eyes met his. "You did look really good in that jacket, Sirius. Really. Like it was made for you." 

 The corner of Sirius' mouth twitched up in a cocky smirk. "Yeah?"

Remus nodded, a pink tinge flushing over his cheeks as he added. "But then...I think you look bloody fit in nearly anything..." He admitted shyly as their hands found each other and their fingers laced together. Sirius' face lit up and the two of them slowed their walk just a bit so that they fell behind James and Peter by a few strides. Remus bit his lower lip as his eyes lingered for a moment on Sirius' mouth and he ducked his head down to kiss him. He had meant it to be just a quick brush, but when Sirius sighed contently, he couldn't help himself and he let his tongue slide slowly between his boyfriend's parted lips. They had stopped walking altogether, forgetting their friends momentarily as Remus' arms wrapped around Sirius' waist and Sirius slid his hands up to rest at the back of the taller boy's neck where his fingers began to toy with the soft curls there. There was nothing but the two of them in that second, their lips and tongues moving against each other, not mattering that they were standing on the side of a relatively public road. 

 The sound of James clearly his throat brought them both back to earth and they reluctantly ended the kiss, though they stood for a second longer, foreheads resting against each other and smiling somewhat sheepishly. 

 "Are you two done eating each other's faces? You won't be hungry for supper, you know." James teased as he and Peter both snickered at the flustered couple. The two of them pulled away from each other, regaining their composure and Sirius shot James a dirty look and flipped a finger up at him. Remus blushed, but he was smiling as he reclaimed Sirius' hand in his own and they continued the walk back to the Potters'.

-

 Lily worried her bottom lip between her teeth as she gazed down at the pin that lay in the palm of her hand. A Prefect. They had made her actually made her a Prefect. Her stomach felt queasy. 

 "You're not happy about it?" Asked Marlene, brows knitted together in confusion. "It's a huge deal, Lil. And think of how it will look on your transcript." 

Lily sighed, turning the pin over between her fingers, fidgeting nervously. "I am happy about it. Really." She tried to sound confident, but she knew she was failing at that. She blew out a gust of air that sent her fringe flying up and sat heavily on her bed. "Alright, I'm a little...nervous." 

"Why? What's to be nervous about?" Marlene sat beside her, folding her long legs underneath herself and picking up the letter from the school that announced Lily's new title. 

 "It's..." Lily trailed off and laughed lightly. "It's silly probably, but...I'm a muggleborn." She mumbled the last part. Marlene frowned.

 "So?"

"So," She sighed again, averting her eyes. "With the way some of the other students have been picking on muggleborns, I'm just...I suppose I'm a little uneasy about being given a position of authority. There are... _certain people.._.that I'm sure won't respect anything I say." It bothered her to admit it out loud, but it was the truth.

 "Bullshit." Swore Marlene sharply, the angry tone in her voice making Lily look up in surprise. "That is not the Lily Evans that I know." She said firmly. 

 "Marl-"

"No." Marlene held up a hand to silence her. "You're the brightest girl in our year, Lily. And you've got wicked talent with a wand and more than a few good hexes up your sleeve. You deserve this. Don't let some pureblood supremacist gits take that from you." 

Lily smiled weakly and met the fierce blue eyes of her friend. "You're right. I told you it was silly." 

 Marlene shook her head, smirking. "I should say so. You should be bloody well proud of yourself, Lils. I'm proud of you. Your parents are proud of you. That wench of a sister is probably reeling with jealousy, but in my opinion that makes it even more of a victory." 

At that Lily actually did laugh. "That's not funny, Marley."

"Didn't mean it to be. I'm serious." The blonde grinned and playfully nudged at her friend. "There's the other bright side, you get to give Sirius and James detention, eh?" 

Lily rolled her eyes and laughed. "I thought you said they weren't so bad?" 

Marlene gave a half hearted, dismissive shrug. "I don't mind them. But that's got to give you a little bit of a thrill, eh?"

A grin made its way across Lily's face and she shook her head. "Alright it may be just a little satisfying." She admit. Then something clicked in her mind. "You never told me why you and Sirius broke up. I mean, personally I can't imagine why you started dating him in the first place, but you two always seemed to hit it off rather well." 

Marlene made an odd face that Lily couldn't read. "We just weren't...you know...right together." She hopped off the bed. "Besides, it's not like it was anything more than just sneaking off to snog. It was just silliness, really."

 "Mmm," Lily hummed thoughtfully. "Dorcas and Mary think he's not attracted to girls at all you know." She looked pointedly up at her friend through her lashes as the other girl seemed to tense up for a moment.

 "Er...Dorcas says that, eh?" 

Lily nodded, watching Marlene carefully. "They reckon he's got it pretty bad for Lupin. The way he fusses over him and all...d'you think-?"

"I think that's Sirius' business." Marlene said a little too quickly. She cleared her throat and began twisting a strand of blonde hair around her finger. "So what if he does, anyway? Did...did Dorcas...or....did they have a problem with it? If Sirius happened to be that way?"

Lily's eyes widened a little and filled with concern and she shook her head. "No. Of course not. It was just an observation, that's all..."

Marlene licked her lips, looking down at her feet. "And you? You haven't got a problem with that right?" 

Again Lily shook her head. "No, Marly." She said softly. Then she smiled. "I can name about twenty problems off the top of my head that I've got with Black. But that's certainly not one of them..." She continued to study her friend's nervous behavior. "Marlene," she waited for the other girl to look at her. "I would never hold that against somebody. You love whoever you love. You know that, right?" 

 Finally Marlene nodded, smiling weakly. "I know." 

-

"Is it me," Said Peter, peering out the window of their compartment at the crowd of people hustling along the platform at Kings Cross. "Or do the first years just keep getting smaller?" 

 Sirius laughed and stretched out across the seat, resting his head on Remus' lap where the werewolf's fingers instinctively began to run through his hair. "No they're definitely getting smaller. They look like infants." 

"It's relative," Remus commented mildly, not taking his eyes off the book he was holding with the hand that wasn't petting Sirius. "We've gotten bigger and older so they seem smaller, that's all."

 James frowned, watching a few tiny first years run past the compartment doors. "I don't know. I don't think we were ever that little...I've seen bigger cornish pixies than some of this lot." 

Remus snorted and shook his head. "Nonsense. You were too that small. Hell, Sirius still is." 

 "Oy! I'm right here, you know." Sirius grumbled. "Besides, I'm taller than Peter. Why don't you pick on his size, you lanky prat?"

Remus tugged gently on Sirius' hair to quiet him. "Because you tease Peter enough and someone needs to put you in your place."

"Speaking of putting me in my place," Sirius reached up and pulled at his boyfriend's school robe. "Shouldn't you be wearing your shiny new badge, Mr. Prefect?" Remus swatted his hand away, eyes still glued to the pages of his book.

 "I've told you, I'm not doing it." The muscle in his jaw twitched in aggravation. Sirius sat up so fast he knocked the book right out of the other boy's hand.

"Wait, you were serious about that?"

 Remus bent to pick up his book, letting out a growl of frustration. "Of course I was."

"But why?" Asked Peter, his tone just as surprised as Sirius'. James too was looking at him in confusion now that the train had begun to move and he had taken his seat beside Peter. Remus looked between his friends and frowned.

 "You lot spent the last three weeks teasing me for it, first of all." All three of them began to protest, but he cut them off. "And like I said, I just don't need the extra stress of it. It's too time consuming and it isn't worth it. It was stupid of them to give it to me anyway. It's not like I've done anything to deserve it. I don't have top marks and I may not hold a school record for most detentions like the two of you, but I don't have the best behavioral history either."

"Well yeah, but only because we-" 

 "James, I participate willingly in ninety percent of the pranks we pull and you know it. This is completely ridiculous. I'm not doing it." He skimmed through the pages of his book, trying to find where he was before it had been knocked away, but then it was plucked from his hands. "Give it back, Sirius..." 

Sirius, who was standing on the seat and holding the book above his head and out of Remus' reach, glared down at him. "No. That's stupid. You need to do this, Moony." 

 Remus huffed, his annoyance growing steadily stronger. "Why? So you three can reap all the benefits?" 

Sirius whacked him not-too-lightly on the head with his book, thankfully a paperback, and rolled his eyes. "No, although I still think we could really get some good use out of the prefects lav," He narrowly dodged his boyfriend's hand that had shot out to retrieve the novel he still held hostage. "Because you do deserve it, Remus." He said seriously. "You work harder than anyone else in the school and, yeah, you may not have top marks but they're damn near close for someone who's got as much going on as you do. You're responsible, and you're always helping out the younger students that need help and...well...I'm proud of you, Remus. You should be recognized for what you manage to accomplish." His face flushed a little and he dropped the book into Remus' lap. "Besides...if you don't do it, it will probably go to someone that gets on all our nerves or something and we won't manage to have any fun whatsoever...so...you really should just...you know...do it." He finished lamely, feeling a little embarrassed and sat back down in his seat. Remus stared at him, completely lost for words although he felt his aggravation ease up.

"Sirius is right, Moony." Said James, as Peter nodded along side him. "If anyone in the whole school deserves to have their effort rewarded, it's definitely you."

Remus felt his face heat up and he smiled, looking down at his lap. "Thank you. Really...I...I appreciate that you all feel that way." 

 The door to the compartment slid open and all four of them looked up to see a slightly flustered looking Lily Evans standing over them. James grinned, standing up and running his hand through his hair. "Hey, Evans. Miss me this summer?" He had forcibly dropped his voice an octave, making Sirius, Remus and Peter have to stifle their laughter. Lily did him no such justice and it took her a good fifteen seconds to compose herself. 

 "Oh I'm sorry," She sighed with mirth and shook her head. "Sorry, that was just a new level even for you, Potter."

James scowled and he sat back down. "What do you want, Evans?" He asked irritably.

"Actually, I was looking for Remus." Said Lily, turning her attention to him. "Er...there's a meeting for all the new prefects in another car. They were looking for you so...I said I'd fetch you." 

Remus blinked up at her for a moment, his nerves creeping back up. "Oh...um....right..." He stood up and turned to face his friends. "I guess I'll see you later then? It can't last too long..."

The others nodded encouragingly and after one last second of hesitation he followed Lily out of the compartment. 

Once the door closed again, Sirius shook his head. "See? Like I said, if it's not him we'll be stuck with someone who gets on all of our nerves and we won't have any fun. Evans the Prefect...Just what we need."

"She's a prefect whether he is or not." Peter pointed out.

 "Yeah," Sirius shrugged. "But she's much less of a threat when we've got Moony on the inside than if it were someone else."

-

Remus followed closely as Lily hurried through the cars to find the Prefects' compartment. He and Lily had never been particularly close, mostly because of her disliking of James and Sirius, but they certainly had always been on friendly terms with each other and he could tell that something was definitely off.

 "Hey, Lily..." 

"Hmm?" She responded distractedly, eyes searching the compartments as they passed them. 

 Remus grabbed her arm gently and they both stopped. "Why do I get the feeling you're just as unhappy about this whole prefect thing as I am?" 

Lily's whole body slumped with relief. "You too?" 

 He nodded, offering a sympathetic smile. "Not that I'm not, you know, grateful to Professor Dumbledore for thinking I can handle it or anything-"

"Me too!" Agreed Lily, clearly pleased to see that she wasn't the only one that felt a little pressured. "I'm thrilled, really...I mean, on a personal level, sure. I'm proud of myself but..." She shook her head. "I can't help but think it may be..."

 "More stress than it's worth?" Remus smiled wryly and the girl laughed, nodding.

"Exactly." She sighed. "Can I be honest though?" 

 "Of course." 

"I'm really glad that if I've got to do this, at least it's you that's with me." She held her hand out to him. "We'll work together, then?" 

Remus took her hand and they shook on it. "Deal." 

 

 


	36. Make you feel good - Year Five*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This chapter contains heavy sexual content*

As it turned out, the Prefect's meeting lasted for the remainder of the ride, where they were told it would continue in Professor Dumbledore's office, and dinner would be provided for them. By the time the meeting was over, both Lily and Remus were bored to tears and wanted nothing more than to return to the dorm room and collapse.  
They walked slowly together, laughing about some of the ridiculous rules they would have to uphold as 'Official Officers of the School' As Lily mimicked in her best rendition of Head Girl, Molly Prewett's stern voice, sending both herself and Remus into fits of laughter.

Remus sighed and shook his head. "This is a disaster waiting to happen." He flipped through the handbook they had all been given. "Merlin, James and Sirius break half these rules before breakfast."

Lily bit her lip, wanting so badly to ask the question that had been bothering her for years. Finally she relented. "Seriously though, how can you stand them? I mean...they're so full of themselves and obnoxious and...for Godric's sake they've given each other bloody codenames." She laughed to herself.

Remus shrugged. "You wouldn't understand, really. I know they can be a handful, but I swear when those two care about you, it's like no one else matters in the whole world. All of their focus goes on you and your needs. They've done a lot for me and ask nothing in return...It's....It's a Marauder thing. All for one and one for all, you know?"

"That's a Musketeer thing." Lily chided and Remus grinned, nodding.

 "It is. But...it's not so much different, really. Can I ask you what you see in Severus?"

Lily nodded slowly with a knowing smile. "I should have seen that coming..." She sighed, running a hand through her hair slowly as she thought of how to explain what no one else seemed to want to understand. "Severus was the first person I met that was like me. Until I met him, I didn't understand why I could do things that other people couldn't...I didn't understand why I was born so differently than my own sister."

They had stopped walking. Remus could hear a different emotion in Lily's voice. It wasn't sad, or aggravated...it was more desperate. "He showed me that I wasn't strange or...or a freak." She swallowed, tears filling her bright emerald eyes. "He was - is - a good person. He's just been hanging around the wrong sort lately and everyone is judging him because of it and...Black and Potter," She shook her head. "Sorry, I know they're your friends, Remus,"

Remus shrugged dismissively, urging her to continue.

"But they are constantly after him, and it's not making things any easier. What's he ever done to them anyway?" She looked at Remus expectantly, as if he could supply some sort of an answer. He could, truthfully. But she wasn't going to like what he had to say and he wasn't sure she'd ever see it the way James and Sirius did...not until she was ready to. He sighed.

"I think that James and Sirius and Severus are the same, Lily." He said carefully, trying to remain unbiased. It was true that Sirius and James were ruthless with Snape, and it was true that Remus sometimes thought they took it too far. But Remus also knew that something about Severus Snape made his skin crawl, and they had reason to believe that he wasn't as different from his Slytherin cohorts as Lily wanted to believe. "I think they either love you or hate you and there is no in between. They have very different opinions, but very similar ways of showing them. So they do things to each other and retaliate...I don't believe either side is innocent."

Lily dabbed the corner of her eyes with her sleeve and smiled sadly, shaking her head. "Very diplomatic answer, Remus." She laughed softly. "But I suppose I understand what you mean. It just hurts me to see him taking the wrong path out of necessity, you know?"

Now Remus winced slightly. "I wouldn't quite say that. Everyone has a choice in these matters. He can choose his own path, you know." He caught the hurt look she gave him and sighed. "Look, I'll try to talk to James and Sirius about easing up. I can't promise you anything, I don't really have as much influence over them as people seem to think...but I'll at least try. For your sake."

In an instant he found himself wrapped in the girl's arms and he froze up for a second.  
"Thank you Remus."  
Remus sighed, gently patting her back. "Don't thank me just yet."  
  
It was getting late, much past curfew and when they climbed through the portrait hole to the common room it was deserted. Everyone else was sure to be in their beds and asleep at this hour. Lily hugged Remus once again, kissing him sweetly on the cheek before she took the staircase on the right to the fifth year girls' dorm.

Remus took the stairs to the left, briefly wondering if the marauders were asleep, or if they decided to waste no time in taking the cloak and the map on an adventure. The dorm room was quiet when he entered, but he could hear Peter's light snoring from across the room. He silently made his way to his own bed, careful to avoid the creaky floorboard between his own bunk and Sirius'.

 _Sirius_. The thought of the other boy made his heart swell, all those things he had said on the train...that he was proud of him, and that Remus deserved to be recognized for his hard work. He smiled to himself. He wondered if Sirius was still awake...

"Moony?" That answered that question. But Remus frowned as he realized that the hushed voice of his boyfriend had come from his own bed. The curtains of the bed moved and Sirius poked his head out, all lopsided grin and sparkling grey eyes that made Remus' stomach feel fluttery.

He smiled back at him. "It's late, Pads. You didn't have to wait up for me." He kicked off his shoes and grabbed his pajamas and his tooth brush.

Sirius shrugged. "Wanted to. I wasn't tired anyway." His eyes did a once over of Remus and the goofy smile on his face widened a bit. "How was the meeting?"

"Boring." Remus said, trying to bite his lip to contain his own face splitting grin. "I'll be right back, I'm just going to brush my teeth and change."

Sirius looked as if he wanted to say something else, but he cleared his throat and nodded. "Yeah, sure. Go ahead." And his head disappeared back behind the curtain.

Remus took his time in the bathroom. Sirius was in his bed. Alright, that wasn't unusual of course. They had slept in the same bed countless times in the last five years. But this was different. They were a couple now, and they were allowed to touch and hold and kiss each other and...

Remus swallowed hard and splashed some water on his face. They hadn't had much time to themselves since they had officially gotten together, being stuck at the Potters' with James and Peter and sleeping cramped on separate cots in James' room...They had managed a few times to steal kisses and even climbed out of bed a few nights, sneaking out to the yard to snog behind the shed, but that was it...

He felt slightly panicked. Sirius had made it clear that he wasn't inexperienced when it came to sex. But Remus himself wasn't quite sure he was ready for any of that. What if Sirius didn't want to wait?

He looked at himself in the mirror, he looked pale. "This is silly," he said out loud to his reflection. "Sirius is your best friend. He wouldn't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with." It was very possible that Sirius had just planned to wait for him to return from the meeting and nothing more. He took a deep breath and changed into his t shirt and pajama bottoms. "You can do this." He said again to his mirror-self. "It's just Sirius."

"If you say so." The mirror responded, and he groaned before picking up his clothes and heading back into the dorm.

As quietly as he could he padded to his four poster and pulled back the curtains. His heart felt like it was stuck in his throat when he saw Sirius, shirtless (the bastard), laying across the mattress casually. His bottom half was hidden under the covers and Remus silently prayed that he was at least wearing bottoms. Sirius pulled back the blankets (good, he was wearing pajamas) and Remus hesitated for just a second before he slid in beside the other boy, reached behind him and closed the curtains.

They both laid on their sides, facing each other and propped up on their elbows. They didn't say anything, but Sirius' hand inched forward until it was resting over Remus, his thumb gently stroking over Remus' knuckles. Remus licked his lips, noticing the way Sirius' eyes lingered there.

"Sirius..."

"Yeah?"

He met Sirius' eyes. "Thanks for what you said today on the train."

Sirius frowned, brows coming together and Remus looked down at their joined hands. "Just...about me deserving recognition and...being proud of me and all that."

Sirius' hand moved from its place over Remus' and rested instead under his chin, lifting his gaze back up to meet the intense silvery stare of his boyfriend. "I meant it, Moony. I'm sorry if me and James and Pete made your accomplishment feel invalidated or anything. We were only teasing you."

"I know-"

"No, really..." Sirius continued. "We shouldn't have acted that way. This is important to you. I know it is, even if you act like you didn't want it in the first place. Secretly you're really proud of yourself, you're just too modest to admit it."

Remus laughed softly and nodded. "Maybe, a little bit." He scooted a little closer and felt one of Sirius' thighs wedge itself between his own. "It also..." He sighed. "I mean...it's going to be very difficult for me to find work after school, Sirius. And anything extra I can have to my name is really helpful..."

Sirius nodded along, understanding what he meant. "I know, Moony."

A silence fell over them, the only sound was their own breathing, which was slightly heavier than usual, and Peter's snores in the distance. Remus felt like his heart was going to beat right out of his chest. Sirius' thigh between his legs was dangerously close to what Remus only just realized was his own arousal. He was absolutely terrified, but he also didn't want to put a stop to it either.

"Remus," Sirius' voice was barely a whisper, and he noticed that the look on his face was just as anxious as he felt himself.

"Y-yeah?"

"We," Sirius cleared his throat. "We don't have to do anything you don't want to do, you know..."

Remus nodded. "I know..." Their faces were centimeters apart, though neither of them could recall actually moving closer, and Remus could feel the hot puffs of Sirius' breath on face. It smelled like mint from the boy's toothpaste, but under that was the distinct scent of cigarettes and some sort of spice he could never place that was just uniquely Sirius. A strange noise escaped Remus' throat and he couldn't hold back another second, barely having to move at all to press his lips against the other boy's.

Sirius' hand moved to cup the side of Remus' face and he flicked his tongue across his bottom lip. He shifted his body slightly and they both gasped when his knee brushed against something hard. Remus felt Sirius hesitate, so he moaned encouragingly and grabbed the boy's hips, pulling him so he was now positioned on top of him.

"Remus?" Sirius questioned, not breaking the kiss but clearly wanting to be sure this was still okay.

"Keep going." Remus breathed, nipping softly at Sirius' bottom lip and making him moan.

At first Sirius didn't move. He held himself up over Remus, concentrating on their lips and tongues sliding together as they kissed deeply. Then Remus' hips raised up and their groins rubbed against each other for the first time.  
Both of them moaned in surprise.

" _Fuck_ ," Sirius swore, reluctantly breaking the kiss and sitting up.

"W-what?" Remus blinked up at him, confused and dazed and a little lightheaded.

Sirius groped around the bed for a moment and emerged seconds later with his wand. "Remember what Prongs said about silencing charms." He laughed before casting the charm and stuffing the wand back under the pillow. He re-positioned himself, straddling Remus' hips and looking down at the other boy, long dark hair falling around his face like a curtain. "This is still okay?"

Remus nodded hurriedly, one hand moving up to brush Sirius' hair from his face and using that same hand to pull his boyfriend's head back down to resume kissing.  
Their nerves had subsided into pure lust, and now they didn't hold back as their hips ground against each other, pulling moans and sighs and gasps from their joined mouths. Remus' hands began to stroke up and down Sirius' bare sides, over his chest and abdomen and Sirius' lips had strayed from Remus' mouth and was kissing down his jaw, gently nibbling the soft skin behind Remus' ear and making the werewolf whine.

One of Sirius' hands was lingering on the waistband on Remus' pajamas, the tips of his fingers slipping just underneath.

"Can I touch you?" Sirius' voice was deep and husky against his ear and Remus felt like he might actually melt. He swallowed hard and nodded, holding his breath as the warm hand slid completely past the elastic of his flannels and splayed against his hip, pausing to give Remus a chance to change his mind and stop him. When Remus did no such thing, the hand on his hip shifted, and he was suddenly surrounded by the warmth of Sirius' hand wrapped around him.

" _Oh_..." Remus gasped, hips arching involuntarily off the bed, pushing further into Sirius' hand.

He heard Sirius chuckle, low and deep by his ear. Then Sirius swallowed. "You'll stop me if you don't want to keep going, right?" His voice shook a little.

"Y-yes," Remus nodded quickly, the hand around him had started to stoke up and down in long, slow movements. He couldn't imagine letting Sirius stop.  
Sirius himself was grinding his hips against Remus' leg in rhythm to the pumping of his fist, seeking friction for his own neglected arousal. For a moment Remus considered asking if he could do anything to help, but he wasn't so sure he could form actual words at this point. Sirius' other hand found the hem of Remus' shirt and that broke Remus from his list driven daze.

"Wait," He heard his own voice say. Sirius stopped everything immediately, pulling away just slightly to examine Remus' face.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked, concern now replacing the huskiness that had just been present. Remus groaned in frustration, hating himself for making it all stop. Embarrassed, he didn't say anything. His own hands pulled self consciously at the bottom of his t shirt and Sirius' eyes widened with realization.  
Sirius lovingly pressed their lips together. "Moony, I've seen them before..."

Remus shook his head, eyes squeezed shut and feeling completely ashamed. "Not like this...not when you were actually...you know...looking."

Sirius was quiet for a moment, thinking. He kissed Remus' lips again. "Moony, I won't ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable...and if you don't want me to see your scars when we're... _together_...that's fine. But..." He sighed and Remus opened his eyes to see Sirius gazing down at him with a look of pure adoration, it made Remus' breath hitch. "I think you're absolutely beautiful, Remus. I've seen you at your worst, and even then...but I won't make you do something you don't want to do."

Remus stared up at him, awestruck at Sirius' declaration. How could someone like Sirius, who was basically everyone at Hogwarts' idea of sex personified, say those things about someone as ordinary and defective as him? He shook his head. "Sirius, I'm not-"

" _Don't_." Said Sirius sharply. "Don't argue with me." The hand that was still wrapped around Remus' hardness began to move again, making Remus forget whatever it was he had just been so scared about. A sly smirk crossed Sirius' face. "Just...let me make you feel good, Remus." Before Remus could argue, Sirius' lips were kissing down the column of his throat and the protest Remus had wanted to make was gone. He took a deep breath and reached to grab Sirius' hand and stilled him. Sirius gave him a questioning look, but Remus gave no explanation. He sat up and gave the other boy a small smile before pulling his t shirt up over his head.

He heard Sirius gasp and he looked away shyly, taking every ounce of self control not to hide under the covers and never come back out.

Again, Sirius' hand was under his chin, tilting his face up so he could capture Remus' lips between his own. "Beautiful." He murmured, and Remus could feel him smiling. He smiled back, feeling his face heat up. He let Sirius coax him back into lying down, and then Sirius continued to kiss down his neck once more, this time moving lower down his body. He kissed over his shoulders, dragging his tongue across a few inches of skin here and there...

Remus froze up as he realized just want Sirius was doing. He was kissing each one of his scars, muttering under his breath words like " _beautiful".,"Strong", "My Moony", "Love"_ and making his way down his chest and abdomen. Sirius paused when he got to the waistband of Remus' pajamas and his grey eyes flickered up, silently questioning. Remus stared down at him, breathing heavily and not knowing what to say or do. A mischievous glimmer flashed through Sirius eyes and the pink tip of his tongue darted out to trace the skin just above Remus' pajamas.

With a frustrated whine, Remus nodded frantically and lifted his hips, allowing Sirius to pull down the flannel pajama bottoms and his boxers, freeing his strained erection.  
The next moment happened in slow motion, or at least that how Remus would remember it for the rest of his life. Gray eyes remained locked on gold, and that sinful pink tongue came out to wet Sirius' smirking lips. Remus could feel Sirius' breath against his arousal before finally, Sirius lowered his mouth onto him.

Remus' head fell back against the pillows and he let out a strangled cry as he was completely engulfed in tight wet heat. One of his hands tangled in the sheets below him and the other twisted in the long black locks of the head that was currently working up and down his length. He felt a familiar heat pooling in his stomach and he swore sharply. Risking another glance down, he saw Sirius' eyes were still watching him even as his mouth worked.  
" _Fuck_ ," Remus moaned, the hand in Sirius' hair tightening, though Sirius didn't seem to notice, and if he did it appeared only to egg him on, taking him deeper. "S-Sirius...I think I'm going to-"

Then Sirius moaned loudly around him and vibrations sent shock waves through his entire body. That was it.

" _Sirius_!" His hips bucked and Sirius placed his hands on them firmly to keep them in place as Remus felt his release rush through him.  
Sirius didn't budge until Remus had collapsed, panting heavily onto the bed. Once he was sure the other boy was finished, he sat up and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand.

He looked down at his boyfriend and grinned. "Alright, Rem?"

Remus opened his eyes, his head still spinning and his body feeling like jello. "Fuck..." He muttered. "That...that was... _God_..."

Sirius chuckled and climbed back up the length of Remus' body, kissing the tip of his nose. "You can call me Sirius." He winked and Remus didn't even have the energy to roll his eyes. Sirius settled beside him, draping his arm across his still spent body.

Once Remus caught his breath, and his brain remembered how to function, he turned onto his side, lazily tracing his fingers over Sirius' chest. "So..." He licked his lips. "Can I do that to you?"

Sirius laughed. "You think you've got the energy right now?"

Remus huffed, resting his head on Sirius' shoulder. "Well...you didn't get to..." He gestured down to Sirius lower half.

Sirius shrugged, nuzzling against Remus' soft curls and kissing his temple. "Like I said...I wanted you to feel good." He kissed his lips.

"Alright," Remus relented, only because he felt a yawn coming. "But I owe you."

Sirius grinned and nodded. "I'll hold you to that." He sighed happily, shifting them both into a more comfortable position. "Good night Remus."

Remus was already asleep.


	37. Rivalry, Year Five

Severus Snape waited patiently one evening in early October outside the classroom that was used for the Prefects' monthly meetings. He knew that Lily wasn't thrilled with him, but perhaps catching her alone once the meeting let out would mean he had the chance to speak to her about what she had seen. After all, he personally hadn't done a thing to that Hufflepuff boy, Avery and Mulciber had. He had just been inconveniently with them. Lily believed him, of course. However she was getting less and less patient with his choice of companionship other than herself. 

 "What are you doing here?" A familiar voice sneered and Severus' hand immediately went to grip his wand in his back pocket. He turned to face Sirius Black.

 "None of your business, Black." Severus glared back at him. He was prepared to fight if that's what Black wanted, but the Gryffindor made no move for his own wand. "Wouldn't exactly think to see you hanging around a bunch of authority figures. I'm sure they've all got twenty reasons each to give you detention." 

Black smirked, leaning against the wall opposite from Severus. "I'm on my best behavior these days it seems." The boy's grey eyes scanned him up and down. "You on the other hand..." He clicked his tongue, shaking his head. "Heard you've been going 'round bullying the muggleborns. What's your girlfriend Evans think of that?"

Severus' hand tightened on his wand and his eyes narrowed further. "She's not my girlfriend. And I haven't done anything."

Sirius chuckled darkly. "Guilty by association, Snivellus."

The door to the classroom clicked and opened slowly and the prefects filed out. Lily and Remus were chatting quietly to each other and laughing. Black's posture changed instantly, like a dog who had just spotted his master walking through the door after a long trip. 

"Moony!" 

Lupin smiled and excused himself from his conversation with Lily to greet the other boy. Severus thought he may have imagined it, but he was sure he saw the sickly looking boy brush his lips across Black's discreetly before the two of them headed off down the corridor. He shook his head.

 "Hello Severus," Said Lily, but her voice didn't sound as cheerful as it normally did when she would speak to him. It sounded slightly strained, like she would rather he not be there. He tried to act like he hadn't noticed. 

 "Hi Lily. I thought I'd walk you back to your common room." He offered, keeping his tone casual. 

Lily raised one perfectly shaped red brow. "Don't you have someplace to be with Mulciber?" He could sense her sarcasm and he bit his tongue. "Besides," Lily continued. "I know my way back to my own common room." She threw her long hair over her shoulder.

 "Well, obviously I know that." Severus sighed. "Just...you know...wanted to be sure you'd get there safely."

Both of Lily's eyebrows shot up and she let out a short, sharp laugh. "Yes, well. I'm very capable to handling myself, Severus. I am a prefect for a reason. And I was suppose to walk back with Remus anyhow."

Severus scowled. "I can't believe they made one of  _them_  a prefect."

 Lily shook her head. "Remus happens to be a friend of mine, Severus. Same as you are. And you know he isn't like his friends." 

"How's he suppose to perform his prefect duties when he's disappearing once a month and nearly falling over for days after?" Severus muttered bitterly. There was definitely something off about Lupin and everyone knew it. Severus had his own theories about the boy...

"You know he's ill," The redhead groaned, clearly growing tired of the argument. 

 Severus scoffed. "Yeah, alright. That's why those arrogant little friends of his go missing as well? And they treat him like he's going break. Especially Black, you can't even breathe in Lupin's direction without Black practically turning into some sort of guard dog and ripping your throat out." 

Lily stopped walking and turned to face him completely. "Why do you care so much?" She snapped, taking Severus by surprise. Even though Lily wasn't necessarily pleased with him recently, she had never spoken to him like that before. He blinked at her, mouth falling open as he tried to think of how to respond. 

 "I...I don't..."

"You do." Lily insisted, resting her hand on her hip. "Every time Remus comes up in conversation or you see him in the halls, you start on this rant about how strange you think he is." She bit her lip. "You know Sev, I'm getting a little tired of defending you to my other friends when all you do is make wild accusations about other people and hang around with a bunch of bullies that target muggleborns." She started to walk away at a faster pace and Severus hurried to follow.

 "I didn't do anything to that Hufflepuff kid." He argued, trying to keep up with her. 

"But you didn't stop it from happening either." Said Lily, sounding exasperated. 

"I didn't have much of a choice, Lily!" 

Lily took in a deep breath as they finally made it to the portrait of the Fat Lady that his the entrance to Gryffindor Common Room. She let it out slowly and looked at him with hurt, emerald eyes. "Everyone has a choice, Severus...so what is yours going to be?" Before he could respond, she faced the portrait. " _Godwottery_." The painting swung open. "Goodnight Severus." Said Lily quietly, without looking back at him, and she stepped past the barrier, leaving Severus alone in the corridor. 

 -

 In the weeks to follow, Lily's mood did ease up quite a bit and Severus avoided hanging around Mulciber and Avery in an effort to fix what he was afraid may be their deflating friendship. It had made life in the Slytherin dungeon a little more difficult, as his housemates had become rather suspicious of his sudden disinterest, especially when he seemed to be ditching them merely to please some Gryffindor mudblood girl. Lily Evans, Severus decided, was worth it. 

It had gotten to be a little lonely, especially when Lily was tending to her job as a prefect or spending time with her friends who didn't quite get along with him, but he tried to spend the extra alone time in the library. At least he could get his work done.

The sun had yet to start set one evening, and it was far too early to head to the Great Hall for dinner, so he had decided to wander the corridors in hopes that maybe he would bump into Lily during her early rounds. He was turning the corner when out of nowhere, his feet were swept completely from under him and he fell flat on his back, books and parchment flying from his arms and a bottle of ink spilling over his hands and down his school uniform.

He didn't need to look to recognize the voices snickering behind him. 

With a growl he lifted himself up and spun around, whipping out his wand in a swift movement and pointing it at Black and Potter. Neither boy seemed all too threatened. 

 "So much for being on your best behavior, Black." He spat at the smaller of the two. "Or is that just for when your Prefect boyfriend is there to see?" 

Sirius shrugged nonchalantly, twirling his wand in his hand. "Well Snivelly, the problem we have here is that your nasty little friends were heard talking about a friend of ours...Mary MacDonald, ring a bell? So the way I see it, fair is fair....What Remus doesn't see won't hurt, I suppose. I did promise him I'd behave but...well, what's that they say about old dogs and new tricks, Prongs?" He smirked to his friend who laughed along with him.

 "Too right, Padfoot." Potter agreed, eyeing Severus with a look of pure hatred. 

Severus glowered at the two of them, positively seething. "And where exactly is Lupin now? Feeling ill again? How very curious...What is it they say is wrong with him?"

 Black's wand was raised so quickly it nearly flew out of his hand and he stepped forward but Potter grabbed him by the back of his robes and whispered something in his ear. Whatever it was, it worked because Black's wand lowered immediately. Severus sneered.

 "What? Not going to hex me for talking about your poor little charity case friend? Does hanging around with a freak like him make you feel better about yourselves when you treat everyone else in the school like target practice?" 

Black's eyes went wide with fury, hands balling into tight fists at his sides and Severus could see even from where he stood that the boy was shaking. Potter stepped in front of him, his own wand raised as he got dangerously close to Severus' face.

 "You listen here, Snivellus." He said through gritted teeth. "You keep Remus' name out of your bloody mouth, keep your nose out of where it doesn't belong, and tell your friends we're on to them. We know how to make you hurt, Snape. And we know how to do it without ever getting caught. Watch your back." He lowered his own wand and turned back to Black who still looked livid.

 Both of their backs were turned and Severus' hand was still gripping his wand so tightly his knuckles were white. He could hex both of them- 

"What's going on here?"

 All three of the boys froze and spun around to see Lily Evans standing there, eyes suspicious and arms crossed. She looked Severus up and down, noting the ink on his robes and the books scattered on the ground. She rounded on Black and Potter.

 "Haven't you got some place better to be than causing trouble all the time?" She glared at the two boys. 

"At this moment right now?" Potter asked, grinning cockily and doing that ridiculous thing with his hair that he always did in front of Lily. "Yeah, actually we do. For the record though, no trouble was being caused here. Sniv- sorry,  _Severus-_ here, tripped." He gave Severus a meaningful look, eyes flashing threateningly. "Isn't that right, Severus?"

Severus bit back an angry growl and nodded, eyes still narrowed on Black and Potter. "Right." He said shortly. "Everything here's fine, Lily." 

 James threw on a charming smile and shrugged. "See, Evans? All good."

Lily looked between all three of them, one eyebrow raised skeptically. "Right..." She muttered. "Go on then. Get going." She waved her housemates off and turned to assist Severus with picking up his things.

"You know, Evans..." Potter called to her. She sighed and looked back at him. He smirked. "My time would be much better occupied if it were spent taking you out. Think of how much less trouble I could cause if you were able to keep those pretty greens on me all the time, making sure I behave?" 

 Lily glared. "Not even in your wildest dreams, Potter. No go before I give the both of you detention." 

 James and Sirius both laughed. "Worth a shot!" Potter shouted back to her as the two of them ran off down the hall. 

Lily sighed, shaking her head as she knelt down to pick up some of the books Severus had dropped. "Are you alright, Severus?"

He gave a short nod. "I'm fine. I can handle myself against those two pricks." 

The redhead hummed softly as she handed him his things. "Did you really trip?" She asked. 

 "I told you I'm fine, Lily." Severus repeated sharply. "Nothing happened. I fell and those two assholes just happened to be there." 

 "Alright," she said lightly. "If you say so." 

 -

 Peter was waiting for them in the dorm room, invisibility cloak in one hand and the map in the other. He sighed in relief when Sirius and James came rushing in.

 "Blimey, I was about to come and look for you two myself!" The shorter boy said anxiously. "I saw you run into Snivellus on the map and then Evans and I was scared you'd both wind up in detention." 

James grinned, shaking his head. "Nah, Evans wouldn't give me detention. She puts on a good act but she can't resist my charms." 

Sirius rolled his eyes, grabbing his book bag and dumping it out on his bed so he could pack it with a random assortment of things that only made sense to him: water bottle, handful of chocolate frogs, one of Remus' sweaters...

 "Come on, Pads. It's getting late." James urged, glancing at the window. 

"I'm coming, keep your knickers on." Sirius grumbled, dropping to his knees and peering  under his bed. 

James sighed, growing slightly impatient. "Sirius, what are you looking for?" 

After another second of rummaging, Sirius emerged holding a small potion vial. He jumped to his feet and stuffed it in the bag with everything else. Both James and Peter knew better than to question Sirius' antic on the night of the full moon, knowing full well that everything he did, he did for Remus. 

Sirius slung his bag over his shoulder and looked at the other two boys expectantly. "Ready, then?" 

When they arrived in the shrieking shack Remus was already pacing nervously, though he visibly relaxed a little when he saw his friends. 

 "For a second I thought you weren't coming." He said shakily, tugging on the collar of his shirt which was already soaked with sweat. 

 "Sorry, Moony." James said as he folded the invisibility cloak neatly and put it out of reach of everyone's animal forms in one of the dusty dresser drawers. "Pads and I had a run in with Snivellus on the way back from the kitchens." 

 Remus nodded his head, eyes slightly wide and not quite all there. Sirius sat on the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to him. "Come sit, Moony." 

Remus made a whining noise in the back of his throat that was clearly left over panic from his friends being so late, but he didn't move. "Remus," Sirius tried again, a little more insisting. "Come here, love." He shifted so he was sitting in the middle of the bed, waiting for the other boy to join him. Remus swallowed hard, eyes darting to the window for a split second before he slowly made his way onto the creaky, lumpy mattress. Sirius sat up against the headboard, spreading his legs so that Remus could sit between them, leaning against Sirius' chest. 

 "What happened with Snape?" Remus asked after he managed to relax a little with Sirius' fingers running through his hair and his lips on the back of his neck.

James shrugged as he too sat on the bed with them. "We bumped into him in the corridor. He made some stupid comments and-"

 Remus groaned. "You didn't hex him, did you?" 

"Just threatened him a bit." James chuckled. "No worries. We weren't going to risk not being able to be with you, right Padfoot?" 

Sirius nodded solemnly. "Of course." He pressed another kiss to the back of Remus' damp neck and his hands found the hem of his shirt. "Arms up, Moony. You're soaked." 

Remus obeyed and let his boyfriend remove his shirt, thankful for the cool October air.

For a while they all made small talk as they usually did to keep Remus distracted. When he started to rake his nails down his arms, leaving angry red streaks in his pale skin, Sirius nodded to Peter who quickly tossed him his book bag. "Stop that." Sirius muttered softly, taking both of the werewolf's hands and placing them at his sides.

"Too hot." Remus mumbled, shifting uncomfortably.

"Mmm," Sirius hummed. "Well, scratching your skin off isn't going to help." He had opened his bag and pulled out the water bottle which he tapped with his wand, covering it with frost with what must have been a cooling charm. He put the bottle to the spot just between his boyfriend's shoulder blades. "Better?" 

Remus sighed and relaxed. He nodded. "Yeah." His breathing steadied and his fists unclenched. "Thanks Sirius." 

Sirius grinned and James met his eye with an impressed smile. 

And it really was impressive, James thought, that Sirius had become so in tune with Remus' needs during the night of the full moon. It came almost naturally to Sirius, who seemed to know exactly how to ease the werewolf's pre-transformation ailments when Remus himself had never been able to.

 "How do you do that?" Peter asked in awe, voicing James' own curiosity. 

Sirius shook his head, smiling a little. "Dunno. I just...do what I think will help, I suppose." Remus made a content sound of agreement and Sirius kissed his shoulder. 

Of course, it never lasted long enough. And soon no matter what tricks Sirius could think of, the moon would rise higher into the sky and it's pull on Remus would begin to get stronger. Remus would become restless and couldn't sit still any longer, walking laps around the room. One of the others, usually James or Peter but mostly James, would keep an out the window making sure to know exactly when they would all have to change. 

 "Get ready." James instructed, voice slightly tense as he watched the giant orb rising. 

Peter was always the first to transform, wanting to be a safe distance from Remus and leaving nothing to chance. James would put their wands and other belongings somewhere safe in the meantime, giving Sirius and Remus an extra moment. 

 Remus' body started to shake and Sirius grabbed him by the arm with one hand, placing the other under his chin and forcing him to meet his eyes. 

"It's going to be okay, Moony." He said in a tone that made it impossible for Remus not to believe him. Remus nodded and Sirius pressed their lips together firmly. Remus kissed him back desperately, needing to feel grounded...needing to feel human...

 "Sirius," James warned and Sirius broke the kiss, holding Remus' gaze once again.

"I love you, Remus." 

 "I love you too Sirius." Remus responded shakily as Sirius let go of him and stepped away. 

"I'll see you in the morning, okay?" 

 Remus bit his lip and nodded, watching as both Sirius and James transformed mere seconds before white hot pain took over his own body. 

-

When the sun came up early the next morning, James always found the same scene once he transformed and fetched his glasses from their safe place;

 Wormtail, curled up on top of the piano, a furry gray snoozing ball, snoring louder than James thought any rat could.

Remus, looking frail and sometimes covered in fresh wounds, but somehow still seeming peaceful as he slept on the hard wooden floor.

And Padfoot, draped over the sleeping werewolf, keeping him warm with his heavy black fur and protecting him from whatever the dog thought might try to hurt him at this point in the morning. 

Yawning hugely, James made his way to the piano and poked the rat. "C'mon Wormy." He mumbled tiredly. The rat's head perked up and he gave a big yawn and stretched before hopping down and transforming back into Peter. 

"Grab the cloak and the map, I'll wake Sirius." It was always a better plan, as Sirius was less likely to snap at James than Peter upon being woken. Peter nodded sleepily and went to the dresser.

 "Oy, mutt." James said quietly, nudging the dozing dog with his foot. "We've got to go before Pomfrey get's here." 

The dog opened its eyes and huffed stubbornly, but after only a little nagging from James he slid carefully off of Remus and transformed. "You two go ahead, I'll catch up." Sirius insisted. 

 "Are you crazy?" Peter stared at him. "You'll get caught." 

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I will not. I'll leave before she gets here. Leave me the map or the cloak. I can handle myself." 

 James sighed, knowing there was no use it arguing with him. He handed the cloak over. "Be careful, prat." 

Sirius nodded, waving the other two off. "Yeah, yeah...Relax. I'll be up soon." 

Once James and Peter left, Sirius sat back on the floor beside Remus. He did look peaceful, even though the floor of the shack was dreadfully uncomfortable. For a moment he considered turning back into a dog and curling back up with him, but he thought the better of it. Very carefully, he shook Remus' shoulder.

"Moony," 

"Hmm?" Remus mumbled as he began to wake. "Y'should go, S'rius..." 

 Sirius chuckled softly. "Yeah, not yet..." his eyes scanned over Remus, checking to see if he had any noteworthy injuries. A few scratches, one on his collarbone that was a little on the bloody side, but nothing horrible. "You can't be comfortable. Can I help you to the bed?" 

Remus mumbled something unintelligible and stretched, wincing a little as his joints popped. He yawned and sat up a little too quickly, causing Sirius to wince.

"You twat, let me help you." He reprimanded lightly, placing his arm around his boyfriend and getting him to his feet.

 "I'm alright, Sirius." Remus insisted, though he did lean heavily on the other boy for support. 

"Stubborn arse." Teased Sirius, helping him to the bed.

 "You should talk." The werewolf managed a weak, tired smile before he yawned again. Sirius grabbed his book bag from the dresser and slid into bed beside Remus. He dug through his bag and fished out two chocolate frogs and the tiny potion bottle. 

"Hungry?" 

 "Starving." Remus admitted, graciously accepting the chocolate and unwrapping it, watching Sirius uncork the vial. "What's that?" 

"Nicked it from Pomfrey's store," Sirius grinned, ignoring the look of disapproval he got from the other boy. "Here, let me see that gash you've got there..." Remus didn't argue or question as Sirius used a cleaning and sanitizing charm on the wound, though he hissed softly when he poured a gracious amount of the potion onto it. It burned for a second as the gash began to close itself up.

 "I'm impressed." Said Remus, looking up at Sirius who actually appeared to be blushing a little.

"Yeah, well...I've been reading up on some simple healing spells and such..." The dark haired boy said sheepishly.

 Remus' heart swelled in his chest. Sirius really went to extraordinary lengths to take care of him, and never asked for anything in return. He shook his head. "I don't deserve you, Padfoot." 

Sirius laughed. "Nonsense. Don't...Don't say that." He pulled Remus' sweater out and handed it to him. "Put this on before you bloody freeze." 

 Remus sat up, a little slower this time, and tugged the sweater on over his head. "I mean it, Sirius." He said, taking his hand. "You...you're incredible, you know that?" 

Sirius shrugged. "I just...I care about you a lot." He mumbled, looking down. "And I just want to make sure you know it, that's all..." 

Remus smiled and leaned in, kissing the corner of Sirius' mouth. "I love you, Sirius." 

Sirius turned his head to kiss Remus properly. "I love you, too." He sighed, glancing out the window. "I should go before Pomfrey comes, I guess." 

With one last kiss goodbye, Sirius stood and threw the cloak on over his head. He watched for another moment as Remus settled himself among the lumpy pillows before he left the shack and headed back to the castle.


	38. Sirius' Birthday - Year 5*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Contains Smut**

"I don't see what you're so stressed out for." James leaned against one of Remus' bed posts, watching the werewolf with an amused smile. "You know Padfoot doesn't give a shit about his birthday. Not since his mum sent him a howler in second year telling him what a disappointing day it is for her."

Remus made a face at that last part, remembering the way Sirius had gone pasty white and tried to play it off like it hadn't bothered him afterwards.  He sighed and continued to rummage through his belongings for any extra galleons and sickles he could find. "I know, Prongs. But this is different. He's my boyfriend, I should do something nice for his sixteenth birthday."

 "So give him a morning blowy and move on with your day." James snickered as Remus rolled his eyes. James stopped laughing and perched himself on the edge of the mattress. "Seriously though, don't make yourself crazy. Sirius loves you, you don't need to do anything huge for him. I've already nicked some firewhiskey. He'll probably just want to get drunk and stoned and cause trouble 'round the castle all night."

 Peter nodded fairly, sitting across from them on his own bed. "That sounds like a Padfoot Party to me." 

 Remus snorted, shaking his head. They were probably right. Sirius would be thrilled with the idea of spending his birthday completely inebriated and sneaking about. Remus knew that Sirius wouldn't care about getting some silly gift for his birthday, but to Remus it was much more complicated than that. Sirius had done so much for him, and he continued to every day. Remus wanted to do something to show Sirius that he loved him just as much, even if he wasn't nearly as good at making it known on a daily basis. "It's different." He said again, digging into the pockets of a pair of jeans he had pulled from under his bed and fishing out two bronze knuts and a droobles best blowing gum wrapper. He tossed the knuts into the pathetic pile of coins on his bed. "You two aren't in relationships. You don't get it."

 James shrugged. "I guess that's a fair point...but it's Sirius we're talking about. You two have been friends forever."

 Remus paused and raised an eyebrow. "Right...and now we're...y'know...more than friends..."  _Much more_ , he mentally added.

 James scoffed and waved him off. "That doesn't mean you suddenly need to spoil the man, Moony. He's got you, hasn't he? I'm pretty sure that's all he really wants, honestly. Believe me, I had to deal with his silly pining and moping about for two years. There's nothing you could give him to make him happier than he is now."

 Remus smiled and rubbed the back of his neck as he felt his cheeks heat up. "I guess you're right..."

 "I am right." James insisted. "So stop playing niffler for knuts and sickles in your sock drawer, take Pads to a broom closet and snog his brains out. Then get him high, blow him and he'll probably pass out. Viola! you won't have to worry again until next year." 

 Remus reluctantly complied, scooping the coins off his bed and storing them in an empty Bertie Botts box. James was right and he knew it. But that didn't quite change Remus' mind about what he wanted to do. Nothing would, his mind was made. He just needed the money. 

 Lily had been more helpful than James and Peter, surprisingly. He had vented his frustrations out to her late one night while they were making their Prefect rounds. 

 "Well of course you'd want to do something nice for him!" She said incredulously. "My sympathies to whoever Potter ends up marrying if he doesn't understand that things change when you're a couple." She shook her head. "You know Black better than I do obviously...did you have an idea of what-"

 "Oh I know exactly what I want to do. It's a matter of scraping the money together." He suddenly held up a finger to pause the conversation as he pulled his wand from his robes and tapped it on the door of a closet. " _Alohamora_." There was a soft click as the door unlocked and the muffled sound of panicked whispering. He opened the door and sighed. "Five points from Hufflepuff, O'Donnell. And from Ravenclaw as well, Beckles." The two third years, Sean O'Donnell and Brittany Beckles, shuffled out, disheveled and embarrassed. They both offered mumbled apologies to the Prefects and started to run off when Remus caught a familiar scent and he made a face. "Wait." 

  Both younger students paused and turned around looking incredibly guilty. Remus smirked and held out his palm. "Hand it over, O'Donnell."

 Sean bit his lip and shrugged. "Er...I don't-" 

 Remus laughed and raised an eyebrow "I can smell it from here and the closets all cloudy. Honestly, you'd at least think to do this sort of thing by the greenhouses like everyone else...just give it here, you're lucky I don't take more points or tell your head of house." 

 The younger boy groaned and reached into his back pocket, placing the tiny plastic bag in Remus' hand.

 "Right then," Remus smiled pleasantly. "Off to bed, both of you. And remember, greenhouses next time." 

 Lily watched, bemused, as the other students ran off and Remus pocketed whatever it was he had confiscated. 

"Is that-!" She gasped. 

 Remus nodded, hardly paying her any attention. "Yeah. Seriously what kind of idiot smokes in a closet? They deserve to have it taken away for sheer stupidity..." He rolled his eyes.

 Lily was completely bewildered, her green eyes going wide with shock and just a little bit of curiosity. "I wonder where they would have gotten it from!" 

 Remus gave her a dead panned look. "We're in a school, Lily. We're a bunch of teenagers. There's bound to be someone selling marijuana." 

 As soon as the words left his own mouth, it clicked...

 -

 The following morning at dinner Remus excused himself from between James and Sirius who were arguing, both practically leaning over him, about the previous year's Quidditch World Cup. He stood, brushing some droppings of scrambled eggs that had flown from his boyfriend's mouth as he shouted at his best friend about Bulgaria's beaters' superior flying ( _charming, as usual Padfoot_ ) _,_ and strode casually over to the Hufflepuff table. 

 When he caught O'Donnell's eye, the younger boy flushed a deep red and looked down at his plate. 

 Remus snorted, amused by the reaction. "Relax. I just had a question for you." He nodded to the doors to the Hall. "Step out with me for a sec?" 

 Sean looked at him questioningly, but he stood and followed the older boy out into the corridor.

  "What do you want, Lupin?" The Hufflepuff asked, stuffing his hands into his pockets and not meeting Remus' eyes. 

 Remus held out the bag he had taken from Sean the night before. "Where'd you get this?"

 Sean's eyes widened and he shook his head. "Whoa, no way. I'm not a snitch, mate."

 Remus pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned. "That's not what I meant. Look, just tell me and I'll give it back to you."

 Sean frowned and furrowed his brow. "Wait...really?"

 Remus nodded and Sean looked around for a moment. "Er...Slytherin bloke. Parkinson." He opened his hand expectantly. Remus grinned and tossed him the bag. 

 "It's shit, by the way." He told the younger boy as he spun around to leave. "I can get you better and probably charge you less." 

 Slowly, O'Donnell turned back to him, staring in disbelief. "You? But you're a prefect..."

 Remus smiled and shrugged with an air of apathy. "Hey if you don't want to take me up on the offer, that's fine. Keep getting robbed by that snot Parkinson. I'm sure he's just a pleasure to deal with besides." 

 Sean grimaced and nodded, mulling over the facts. "Fair point. Yeah, alright Lupin. Deal." 

 -

Sirius was sure he was still dreaming as he felt warm, soft lips moving down his neck and chest. He smiled sleepily and squirmed, keeping his eyes closed as Remus kissed a particularly ticklish spot under his ribs.

 "Mmm...Moony..." He bit back a giggle when the werewolf did it again.

 He heard Remus chuckle softly and felt his weight shift back up his body so he could nip at his ear. "Happy Birthday Padfoot." 

 Sirius grinned, peeking one eye open to see his boyfriend hovering over him with a sly smile. "Certainly better than the birthday wake up call I usually get from Prongs."

 Remus nodded sympathetically. "I know," he purred, nuzzling Sirius' neck. "but, well...you know how Marauders are about tradition."

 Sirius blinked. "Wha-"

In a fluid movement, Remus rolled off of him and the curtains of his bed were flung open, revealing a devilishly grinning James Potter and before Sirius could even register what was happening, he was shot with a stream of freezing cold water from James' wand.

 Sirius yelped and flailed, tumbling out of bed and falling flat on the floor in a sopping wet, cold heap. 

 James, Peter and Remus were all howling with laughter as Sirius hauled himself up, growling and pushing his thick curtain of now soaked hair out of his face. 

 "This is getting old, you know." He shivered angrily, wrapping his arms around his bare chest. 

 James sighed in self admiration and nodded. "Ah, so it is, Padfoot. And so are you." 

  "Very funny." Grumbled Sirius. He shot Remus a dirty look. "And you! That was low, Lupin!"

 Remus shrugged innocently, still snickering to himself. "Sorry, Pads. I couldn't help it. It was actually Peter's idea."

 "And what a brilliant addition to the plan it was." James said tearfully, still grinning as he patted a proud looking Peter on the back.

 "Sorry Padfoot." Said Peter once he managed to stop laughing. "Happy Birthday." 

 "Yeah, yeah..." Sirius huffed before shaking his hair out and spraying the other three boys with little droplets of freezing water. "I'm taking a hot shower." He grabbed his towel and trudged into the bathroom grumpily.

 He was far less cranky when he emerged quite some time later with only a towel around his waist and steam still wafting off his now toasty warm skin. Remus and James had used a drying spell on his sheets and offered their sincere apologies.

 "Tradition's tradition," Sirius said dismissively. "But I'll get you both back. Especially you." He pointed to his boyfriend, shaking his head. "That was just dirty. I'm almost hurt, Moons."

 Remus mock pouted. "Aw, I'm sorry love."

 "You should be." Sirius sulked, though he quickly dropped the act when Remus grabbed him by his towel-clad hips and pulled him in for a kiss. "You'll make it up to me, won't you?" He said, quirking his eyebrow suggestively. Remus laughed and nodded.

 "I'm sure something can be arranged. It is your birthday after all."

 Peter returned from the kitchens with the Traditional Marauder Birthday Breakfast that they had all come to expect every year. An arrangement of sweets, cakes, tarts and puddings which they would spread out on the bed of whoever's birthday they were celebrating and eat together. That tradition had begun in third year, when Sirius claimed he didn't want to risk getting another nasty howler from his parents about what a horrible day in the history of the Black family his birthday was. From then on, they would have their own private breakfast on all of their birthdays. 

 They spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon lazing about the dorm and plotting out the pranks they wanted to get done before Christmas break. At dinner, Sirius' birthday cheer dwindled. He barely picked at his food, pushing it around his plate and anxiously glancing alternatively up at where the Owls usually came through, and over towards the Slytherin table where neither Regulus nor his cousin Bellatrix had made any sign of acknowledgement to him. His knee bounced restlessly under the table and he ran his hand through his hair and pulled at the end. 

 Remus, Peter and James all exchanged looks. Peter cleared his throat. 

 "So, Pads...Er...after dinner, we were thinking of sneaking you out for a bit, eh?" 

 Sirius nodded silently, leg still jittering rapidly and fist still in his hair. Remus sighed and pulled a black hair tie off his own wrist where he had recently started to store them for the other boy. "What did I tell you about pulling, Sirius?"  He shook his head. "You're shedding, you know." He stood up and gathered Sirius' hair together at the nape of his neck and secured it with the elastic band, then he sat back down and placed his hand on his leg. "You're okay, Padfoot."  

 James shoved his plate away. "Know what? I'm stuffed. Anyone else?"

 "Yeah. Besides, we've got other plans." Peter nodded as he and James both stood. Sirius' eyes were glued to the Slytherin table and the back of Regulus' head. Remus bit his lip, gently squeezing Sirius' leg. "C'mon Pads."

 After a few seconds of staring hard at Regulus, as if he thought by some brotherly form of mind reading he may turn around and notice him, Sirius sighed and stood up.

"Where are we going?" He asked, sounding miserable.

 James slung an arm over his shoulder and grinned. "Can't tell you. But we've got firewhiskey." 

 -

 Less than an hour later, the four of them were sitting on the floor of the shrieking shack passing around a bottle of liquor.

 "Look, it's really not a big deal," Sirius said, forcing a smile and swirling the liquid around in his hand. "The Blacks don't really make much of a fuss for birthdays anyway." He took another swig from the bottle and passed it to James who looked appalled. 

  "So they never threw you a party or anything? That's a bloody bummer, mate." 

 Sirius snorted. "Oh I never said that. They just weren't what one usually would expect for a child, you know? They were more like big extravagant dinners with food I couldn't pronounce and Aunts and Uncles I was terrified of telling me over and over to sit up straight and present myself the way 'The Heir' should..." He rolled his eyes. "You know, pureblood shit." Then he laughed. "You know what, I don't think I was even at my eleventh birthday. I was grounded for sticking a wad of droobles in Bellatrix's hair."

 Remus shook his head, his eyes focused on the joint he was rolling in his lap and trying not to let his anger at Sirius' family distract him. "Well that's just ridiculous, Padfoot." He licked the paper and handed it off to his boyfriend to spark it. "Birthday boy gets first hit." 

 Sirius mumbled a thank you and grabbed his lighter from his pocket, placing the joint between his lips. 

 "Well what about presents?" Peter asked, making a face from the taste of the alcohol which he had yet to become accustomed to. "With all that money your family's got you must of at least gotten a decent load?"

 Smoke blew out from Sirius' nose as he shook his head and coughed a little. "Nah. Nothing a kid would want anyway. Family heirlooms I cant touch til I turn seventeen, probably bloody cursed anyway, and donations made in my name to pureblood elitist groups." He took a second, particularly long drag before passing it to James. 

 Remus stood up and crossed the room silently while Peter handed Sirius the bottle of firewhiskey. "Honestly though," Sirius held the bottle up. "This is all I'd want for my birthday. Cheers." He smirked and finished off what was left just in time for Remus to rejoin the circle holding a large box wrapped in red and gold paper. Sirius nearly choked.

 "What the bloody hell is that?" He asked, eyes wide and wiping some spilled liquor off his chin. 

 Remus laughed softly and nudged the box closer to him. "It's your birthday present, idiot."

 Sirius looked to James and Peter who both remained completely expressionless. 

 "Are you going to open it or what?" Asked James, exhaling a puff of smoke and grinning at him. He could feel Remus' slightly  anxious eyes on him as he pulled off the wrapping off, unsure exactly of why his heart was pounding so hard in his chest. It wasn't like his friends had never given him anything for his birthday before. When he opened the white box his breath caught and he stared, wide eyed and open mouthed in shock.

 "I..." He swallowed past the lump in his throat and shook his head. "Moony...you really didn't have to...how did you even afford...?" He looked up to meet the soft, loving gaze of the other boy. 

 Remus smiled. "You wanted it, didn't you?" 

  "Well, yeah." Said Sirius, still in disbelief. "But-"

 "But nothing," Remus insisted firmly, a smirk now playing at his lips. "Put it on." 

 Letting the excitement take over him, Sirius grinned and let his hands run over the the leather jacket that lay in the box. He was unable to stop the overjoyed noise that slipped from his mouth as he pulled it out and slid it on.

 "Don't think he likes it much, Moony." James laughed.

  "Yeah, seems disappointed to me." Said Peter, but Sirius paid neither of them any mind, smiling so much it nearly hurt even as he pulled Remus to him for a kiss and muttered "Thank you" against his lips several times. 

  "You can give him a proper thank you later, Padfoot." James finally said as the couple's affection began to become more enthusiastic. Sirius held up his middle finger to James, continuing his assault on Remus' mouth despite the werewolf's laughing and the hand on his chest trying to gently push him off. 

 "Alright, Sirius." Remus chuckled as he managed to dislodge his boyfriend from his lap. "You're welcome, alright? It's...it's no big deal." 

 "It is a huge deal, Moony." Sirius insisted, hugging the soft leather tightly around himself. "But you're right, there's time to thank you later. Right now it's time to celebrate. Who's got that spliff, eh?" 

 "It's kicked." Peter sighed, flicking the burnt out butt of the joint across the circle lazily. "Got anymore, Moony?" 

 Remus bit his lip, cheeks turning pink as he accepted the bottle of liquor that James was passing to him. "Er..." he laughed nervously. "That's actually all I had left."

 "I thought you said your dad had given you enough til Christmas for your transformations..." Said James, half disappointed and half concerned.

 Remus nodded. "Yeah...he did...er..." the corner of his mouth twitched up. "That's...how I paid for the jacket." 

 There was a long silence that rang through the group as the other three boys gaped at him, speechless. 

 Sirius cleared his throat. "You...Moony, you sold drugs for me?" 

 Remus flinched. That made it sound bad, he thought. He preferred not to think of it quite like that. "Well, when you put it that way-" 

 But Sirius had grabbed him by the front of his shirt and kissed him hard on the mouth, grinning from ear to ear when he finally released him. "Remus Lupin I have never been more attracted to you, my little delinquent." 

 "Ah, our corrupt prefect," Sighed James, holding his heart. "Such a proud moment, isn't it Padfoot?" 

 "The proudest." Sirius agreed, gazing at Remus in utter adoration. "I feel almost inadequate in comparison, Prongs. We'll need to up our game to keep up with our little Moony, eh? What do you think, flood the dungeons tomorrow?"

 James nodded. "Oh definitely. Moaning Myrtle owes me a favor anyway."

 -

 It was late when the Marauders finally returned to the dorm room. James and Peter had said their final birthday wishes to Sirius and bid both him and Remus goodnight, reminding them once again to silence their curtains if they intended to continue the birthday festivities on their own. 

 "You can't wear it to sleep, you know." Remus teased as Sirius laid out across his bed wearing just his boxers, t shirt and the jacket.

 Sirius grinned and stretched happily. "I don't want to take it off." But he sighed and got up, slipping the jacket off and hanging it up carefully. He climbed back into bed and closed the curtains, joining Remus under the covers. "Seriously, Remus...You really didn't have to do something like that for me." 

 Remus shrugged. "It made you happy, didn't it?" 

 Sirius rolled his eyes. " _You_ make me happy, idiot." His hand found Remus' hip and pulled him closer so they were laying flush against each other. "But thank you...again." 

 "You're welcome, again." Remus smiled at him. He reached up and brushed Sirius' fringe from his eyes before tilting his head slightly and catching his lips in a soft kiss. 

 It didn't take long at all for the kiss to deepen, and when Sirius' tongue met his own, Remus moaned. Sirius' hands began to roam over his body, stroking his sides and sliding over his arse to squeeze it. Remus shifted onto his back, pulling the other boy on top of him and their hips started rolling slowly against each other. 

 Their breathing got heavier and Sirius broke from the kiss to sit up and pull his shirt off over his head, tossing it aside and sighing as he felt Remus' hands move over his chest and abdomen. He bent down again, nuzzling the spot under Remus' ear and kissing down the side of his neck. "I love you, Moony." 

 "I love you too, Padfoot." He gasped as Sirius' teeth grazed the spot where his neck met his shoulder. 

 Once they were both shirtless, Sirius started kissing his way down Remus' front, his fingers dancing teasingly over the elastic of his boxers and making Remus arch up, desperate for more contact. "Sirius..." He moaned softly as the boy's hand moved lower to cup him through the thin fabric. "Hey...Sirius, wait..." 

 Sirius looked up, grinning at him. "I'm trying to thank you properly, Moons."

 Remus laughed softly. "I see that...but..." He licked his lips. "I think I want to try something else..."

The grin on Sirius' face faded and he looked confused for half a second before realization dawned and his eyes widened. "Wait, really?"  

 "Unless you don't-"

"I do!" Sirius said quickly, sitting up. "Fuck, Remus, you know I want to, I just want to make sure you...you really want this?"  

Remus nodded slowly. "Yeah, I do." He smiled. "I love you, Sirius. I want to do this with you." He pulled the dark haired boy back down to kiss him. 

 As they kissed, Remus' hands traveled down slide Sirius' boxers off his hips and he lifted himself up to get rid of his own. Sirius moaned, grinding down against him and feeling hard flesh against his own. "How do you want to-?" 

"I...I don't know, I didn't really think that far ahead." Remus suddenly felt nervous. "Er...how many times exactly have you-?"

 "Twice." Sirius answered honestly. "Once each way..." 

Remus frowned. "James sometimes makes it sound like you were off fucking every bloke in school."

"James is a twat, Remus. You know that." Sirius rolled his eyes. "I did it twice with the same bloke...at least, I did _that_ twice. Other things...James isn't so wrong about..." He bit his lip. "Do you want to be the one...er-?" He made a move as if to change their positions but Remus stopped him quickly. 

 "No!" The urgent tone he used made Sirius stop dead. Remus swallowed. Honestly, he was too afraid to be the one in control. He didn't trust himself. Or rather, he didn't trust the wolf part of him...the part of his mind that went absolutely wild every time he touched Sirius, that he fought so hard to keep suppressed. That wanted to pin Sirius down and take him, roughly, every time they were alone in bed together. He didn't know what he would do given the chance to have Sirius beneath him, submitting to him. He shuddered and shook the thought from his head. "You should do it. You know what you're doing more than I do."

"Okay..." Sirius nodded. "Just...it sort of hurts a little...I don't want to-"

 "I've got quite a tolerance to pain, Padfoot."

"Right," Sirius let out a nervous laugh. "Of course...okay." He kissed him briefly, one hand sliding between their bodies to touch the other boy's arousal. "You trust me?" 

 "More than anything." Remus sighed, eyes falling closed as his boyfriend's fingers closed around him. "I love you." 

"I love you too." Sirius gently nudged Remus' legs apart with one of his knees, his eyes staying glued to the other boy's face as he continued to stroke and tease him. He loved how Remus looked when he touched him; eyes closed, brow furrowed and lips just slightly parted, taking breaths in short gasps and sighs. Without stopping what he was doing, Sirius reached under his mattress for the small tube of oil he kept there. He took the cap off with his teeth.

 Remus' eyes opened and one eyebrow shot up. "Planning this, were you?" 

Sirius shrugged. "Just in case. Wanted to be prepared..." he poured some of the oil into his hand and recapped the tube, putting it to the side. "You're sure?" 

 "I'm sure." Remus said, without hesitation. Sirius' hand moved down between them again, but this time it continued lower. 

"Relax," Sirius said quietly, feeling the other boy tense when he carefully pressed one finger against him. "And breathe." He added, laughing softly. Remus slowly let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding and smiled shakily. 

 "Sorry... _oh_!" He gasped as Sirius' finger began to move. It felt very strange. Not necessarily good or bad, just different. Sirius kept reminding him to relax, occasionally bending to kiss him as he continued to carefully work him open, adding a second finger. Then something Sirius did sent a jolt through his whole body. "Fuck!" 

He heard Sirius chuckle. "Getting there." The fingers were gone, and Remus found himself feeling a little disappointed at the loss until he realized that Sirius was shifting between his legs. He felt something else pressing against him and he held his breath. 

 Sirius was right. It definitely did hurt, even though he moved as slowly as he could, stopping every few seconds to let Remus adjust and make sure he was alright. After what seemed like an eternity, Sirius stopped completely. "Ready?" 

"Yes." Remus said breathlessly, eyes squeezed shut and hands fisting the sheets beneath him tightly. Sirius moaned as he slid in completely and Remus bit his lip trying, and failing, to hold back a whimper. 

 "A-are you okay?" Sirius' voice shook.

Remus nodded. "Yes. Just...move." 

 And he did. Sirius started with slow, shallow thrusts and eventually the pain started to subside. Remus moaned and let his body relax. His hands let go of the sheets and moved to run up Sirius' arms and shoulders and into his hair, pulling him down to kiss him hungrily as he started to move his hips to meet his lover's. Sirius gasped against his lips and his hand made its way back between them to stroke the other boy. "Remus...Oh, fuck...Remus..." 

" _Sirius_..."

 Sirius' body shuddered and his hips snapped forward at the same time as Remus felt his own climax hitting him. They both collapsed, sweaty and still tangled together, desperately trying to catch their breath. 

Sirius rolled off of him and grabbed his wand from under his pillow, casting a cleaning charm on them both. He brushed his lips against Remus'. "You alright?" 

 "Mmm..." Remus smiled and nodded tiredly. "Yes. I'm a little sore but...I'm great. That was..." 

"Incredible?" Sirius offered, laying his head on Remus' chest and draping his arm over him. "Absolutely perfect?" 

 "Something like that." Remus agreed happily, kissing the top of Sirius' head. "Happy birthday." 

 


	39. Runaway Part 1 - Christmas 1975

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning: Child Abuse**

There was the distinct high pitched shriek of a curse followed by a loud bang. These were the telltale signs of Walburga throwing a fit, and Sirius didn’t need to guess why. Andromeda had committed the ultimate crime against the family, according to Black Family Standards. She had married a Muggleborn, and to top it all off she was  _pregnant_  with him as well. 

There was more screaming and crashing noises and Sirius slammed his potions essay down on his desk, standing up and throwing his door open.

 “Oi! Some people have homework to do!” He shouted as Regulus slowly cracked his bedroom door open. “This is fucking ridiculous.” Sirius hissed to his brother, who’s face remained expressionless. Sirius gaped at him “I can’t believe you. You don’t think this ridic-?”

 “Sirius!” His fathers voice boomed through the halls from the study. 

“Fuck.” Sirius swore under his breath. What could they possibly want with him? Just when he thought winter holidays at Grimmuald Place would go by without a hitch. With a sigh of mild annoyance, he strode down the long hall to his father’s study and opened the heavy oak door. 

 The room smelled oddly of sulfur and there was a thin layer of smoke in the air. It only took Sirius a second to realize why as his eyes landed on the family tapestry. Right where the picture of his cousin Andromeda use to be was a large, black, still smoldering burn. 

 “Sirius.” His father’s voice broke him from his slightly stunned thoughts. “Come in. Your mother and I have something important to discuss with you.” 

Sirius swallowed past the lump in his throat. His mother was standing by the tapestry, still breathing heavily and angrily. As he stepped into the room, his father stood from behind his desk. 

 “Have a seat, Sirius.” 

Sirius shook his head. “No thank you, father.” Maybe it was Padfoot’s animal instinct from somewhere inside him, but something didn’t feel right. His eyes quickly darted around the room to note every possible exit.

“Alright.” Said Orion, eyeing his son with only mild disapproval. Walburga had finally turned away from the tapestry to stand beside her husband. Sirius suddenly felt very small. 

 “As you know, your cousin Andromeda has dishonored this family by marrying that muggle-” 

 “He’s not a muggle.” Sirius interrupted. “He’s muggle  _born._ Ted went to Hogwarts.” 

 “Do not interrupt your father, Sirius!” Snapped Walburga.

“Be that as it may,” Orion continued. “We want to be sure that you don’t make the same mistakes.”  Sirius held back the urge to laugh. "And to be frank, Sirius, we don’t trust your judgement.”

Sirius frowned. Were they suggesting…

“An arranged marriage?” He asked, unable to hold back the obvious disgust in his voice. “To  _who?”_

_“_ To Bellatrix-”

“ _Bellatrix!_ But she’s my _cousin!”_ Sirius took a step backward, bile rising in his stomach.

“All the more reason to do it, Sirius! You are the heir! We will not have you sullying the bloodline with mudblood filth!” Walburga spat. 

Sirius shook his head. “No…No, you can’t  _force me!_ No-” 

 “You will do as we tell you to, Sirius Black!” Orion raised his voice. Sirius couldn’t believe it. This couldn’t be real.  

 “Are you  _insane_!?” He looked from one parent to the other. “This is fucking crazy, even for you!” 

 “Do not take that tone with us!” Shouted Orion, taking a step closer to Sirius. “You will finish school, you will marry Bellatrix, and you will take your place as the head of this family. You will keep the Black bloodline pure-” 

Suddenly he couldn’t hold it back any longer, Sirius began to laugh. “Oh don’t you worry father! I have no intention on dirtying the precious bloodline! No matter who I marry, that is one thing you certainly don’t have to worry about. It’d be pretty hard to procreate while I’m sucking my boyfriend’s dick after all!” 

Sirius could taste the blood in his mouth before he even had time to register that the back of Orion’s hand, as well as his many large silver rings, collided with his face.

Sirius slowly lifted his hand and touched his bloodied lip in shock.

“ _What did you just say to me, boy?”_

All self control gone, a defiant smirk spread across Sirius’ face and he spat blood onto the floor. "I think you heard me pretty clear, father," He growled, eyes narrowing on the older man in front of him. "I said that I suck my very hot, poor, halfblood boyfriend’s dick. And he fucks me too. And I love every fucking minute of it-”

“ _CRUCIO_!”

Searing, white hot pain suddenly spread throughout Sirius’ body and he fell to the floor. After a moment that felt like a year, the pain began to subside and he could see through the agony induced haze that his mother still had her wand pointed at him. 

 Sirius’ eyes flashed to the door, it was barely open, but he could see Regulus’ eyes wide in shock.

_Help me._  He thought desperately.  _Don’t just stand there._

 He could hardly think straight. Everything inside of him felt like it was on fire. He had to leave. He had to run. The fireplace was only a few feet away. He could floo out of Grimmulad Place and never look back. It was fight or flight, and he couldn’t use the wand in his pocket outside of school.

He slowly picked himself up, legs wobbling slightly as he tried to catch his balance. Both of his parents were speaking but their voices sounded muffled, all he could hear was his own mind saying  _run run run,_ and before he knew it, he was standing in the fireplace with a handful of powder saying “Potter Estate!” And with a flash of warm green light, Grimmuald Place and his parents were gone. 

Sirius stumbled out of the fireplace and into the living room of The Potter Estate. Panic had started to set in and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. What had he done? Why had he said those things? He could have kept his mouth shut, he could have formulated a plan of escape and he wouldn’t be standing, frozen in shock, in the Potter’s living room in the middle of the night.

  
_Fuck_! He was standing in the Potter’s living room in the middle of the night! 

“James!” He called out, finding his voice. He took a few deep, shaking breaths. “James!” 

After a moment he heard footsteps and a light flickered on. 

“Sirius? Fuck, Sirius!” In an instant James was standing by his side. “What the hell- What are you…what happened!” 

Sirius opened and closed his mouth several times, but no sound came out. He felt James’ hands on his shoulders, hazel eyes full of panic. 

“Hey, Sirius, talk to me… _Shit_. Mum! Dad!” James eyed him nervously, checking for any signs of harm besides the cut and bruise on his face. “Did your parents do this, Padfoot?”

Sirius nodded.

“Right…" James swallowed, panic turning to anger and concern. "They...They hit you?” 

“Yeah.” Sirius managed, his mind felt blank and full at the same time. Like white noise, loud and overbearing but completely meaningless. Something flickered in James’ eyes, a mix of worry and anxiousness. He lead Sirius to the couch and sat him down.

“Did….did they do anything else?” 

Before Sirius could answer, James’ parents appeared, both wearing their bed clothes and looking flustered.

“James? What’s the matter?” Asked Mrs. Potter before her eyes landed on the other boy sitting on her sofa. “Sirius, dear! What’s happened?” 

“His bloody parents is what’s happened!” James blurted angrily.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Potter.” Sirius said quietly.

“Nonsense, dear. James, why don’t you go fix us some tea. Fleamont, would you mind fetching the first aid potions?”

As her son and husband left the room, Mrs. Potter sat down beside Sirius and took out her wand. Sirius flinched.

“Oh my…” Her eyes widened slightly and she sighed. Carefully she placed a warm hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “I just want to scan you for what’s been done, Sirius…is that alright?” 

Biting his lip, Sirius nodded and allowed her to perform the scan, dreading her reaction. But it never came. At least she didn’t show it. Mr. Potter returned with the first aid kit.

“Thank you. We should write to Dumbledore, Fleamont. And send for Sirius’ things.” She turned back to Sirius as Mr. Potter hurried off. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, Sirius.” She offered, opening a small vial of sweet smelling potion and applying it to the gash on Sirius’ cheek.

Slowly, and without going into too much detail, Sirius explained what had happened in his father’s study. James had returned with the tea.

“An arranged marriage!” He repeated in outrage. “To that nutter cousin of yours! Well of course you refused!” 

“James, could you go and set the guest room for Sirius?”

James looked like he was about to argue, but instead he sighed and grumbled “Yes, mum.” before disappearing down the hall.

Sirius kept his eyes firmly on his lap as Mrs. Potter fussed over his bruises.

“I’m really sorry, Mrs. Potter.” He mumbled again. “I just…I didn’t know where else to-” 

“Don’t be silly, Sirius.” She said sternly. “You know you are always welcome here, do you understand? And You’ll stay as long as you need. You have no need to apologize.” 

Sirius nodded and tried to fight the tightness in his chest and the tingling sensation in his eyes. But as Euphemia Potter pulled him into her arms and held him close to her chest, he couldn’t stop it from happening. He buried his face in her shoulder and cried. 

“It’s alright, love.” Euphemia whispered, hand slowly rubbing circles on Sirius’ back. “You’re alright. You're safe..."

Sirius managed to pull himself together before James returned and with one final hug from Mrs. Potter, he followed him down the hall to the guest room.

“Listen, mate…d’you want me to stay with you?” James asked as they both sat on the bed. “I mean…if you don’t want to be alone, y’know?”

Sirius shrugged. “I’ll be alright I think. Thanks.”

James ran a hand through his messy hair. “Yeah…so…what really happened?”

Sirius pulled his knees up to his chest. “What d’you mean?” 

James rolled his eyes. “I mean, I know you and I know the way you run your mouth off. There’s no way you just politely declined marrying that banshee.”

A smirk tugged at the corner of Sirius' split lip. “I may have told them how much I love my halfblood boyfriend’s dick…” the smirk disappeared. “And then my mother used the cruciatus curse on me…” 

James’ eyes widened behind his glasses. “Sirius! You have to tell my mum and dad!” 

“I think they know. Look, it’s fine. I’m fine. It's over-"

“It’s not fine! It’s-”

“James, please…” Sirius looked up at him, pleadingly. “Can we not talk about it?”

James let out a frustrated sigh. “Fine…so….are you going to tell him?” 

“Who?” 

“Moony.” 

Sirius shook his head. “I don’t want him to worry.” 

“Sirius, he’ll be right ticked off if he finds out later on. And he will find out. you know that.”

Sirius nodded “Yeah, I know….Look, I’m tired. I’m going to get some sleep, yeah?” 

“Alright…You sure you’re alright by yourself? Bed's big enough, I can stay with you."

“I'm alright, James." Sirius forced a smile. "I promise. I just need sleep." 

James sighed, clearly not believing him. But he didn't argue. "Well if you need me-"

"I know. Thanks mate. For everything."  

James nodded and left the room with a little hesitation, closing the door as quietly as he could. 

Sirius lay there in bed for a long time, staring into the darkness. Every time he closed his eyes he could see the light from his mother's wand and feel that searing pain coursing through him. He shuddered and pulled the heavy quilt tighter around him, rolling onto his side and curling up. Regulus had stood there...he had stood there and watched his parents do this to him...he had done nothing. 

He buried his face in his pillow and let out a sob. He wanted to die. He wanted to just disappear completely...he wanted Remus. 

He took a deep breath and tried to think of nothing but Remus. The way it felt to kiss him. How warm he always felt. The way he said Sirius' name right before he...

  _I'll probably fuck that right up too._ He thought miserably as the tears continued to soak the pillow case. 

He heard a click and, as if by reflex, he sat bolt straight up, grabbing his wand from under his pillow.

 "Relax," James' voice came from the darkness. "It's me." 

Sirius let out a shaky breath and lowered his wand. "W-what's up?" He quickly wiped at his eyes. The mattress dipped as James sat down on the edge. 

 "Didn't feel right leaving you." He muttered. 

"I told you I'm fi-"

 "Cut the shit and move over, Padfoot." James sighed, and even though it was dark Sirius knew he was shaking his head at him. Reluctantly he obeyed, making room for James to slide in next to him. They lay in silence for a while, the only sound was Sirius trying to cover his embarrassing case of post-crying sniffles.

 After a few minutes he felt James shift and one of his arms came around Sirius' middle to pull him close. "Come here, idiot." 

Sirius let out a half laugh, half sob as he allowed himself to press his face into his best friend's chest. 

James hugged him tightly, letting him cry all over his Puddlemere United jersey and rubbing his back. "I love you, you bastard. You know that, right?" 

 Sirius nodded, desperately clinging to James now as his shoulders shook violently. James didn't say much else, he just let the other boy cry until eventually his breathing settled and they both fell asleep.


	40. Runaway Part 2 - Christmas 1975

James woke up early, his mind slightly fuzzy as he noticed he was in the guest room rather than his own. The sound of Sirius mumbling in his sleep brought the harsh realization of what had happened the night before. Anger surged through him when he remembered how scared and confused his friend had been, standing in his living room bruised and bloodied by his own parents. 

 He grabbed his glasses from the nightstand and slid them on before cautiously touching Sirius' shoulder. 

 "Padfoot?" 

Sirius flinched, but he didn't wake up, exhaustion keeping him asleep. He should really let him rest, he decided. He slipped out of bed, careful not to disturb the other boy and quietly left the room. 

 He could smell his mother making breakfast down in the kitchen, usually done by their house elf, Trinket, unless Euphemia was under stress and needed a distraction. He padded across the tiled floor and took a seat on one of the tall stools. "Morning Mum." 

 His mother flashed him a tired smile, glancing up from the bacon she was frying. "Good morning, dear. How's Sirius?" 

James shrugged. "Still asleep."

 "Probably for the better," sighed Euphemia, shaking her head. "You know I was in school with Walburga and-" She stopped herself and James could sense her frustration. "Well, let's just say not much seems to have changed." She looked at her son over the rim of her tiny rectangular glasses. "When you first told your father and I that you had become friends with a Black, I have to admit we were a little thrown."

 James laughed lightly and nodded, staring at the counter in front of him. "Sirius made it pretty clear from the first second that he didn't want to be lumped in with his family. He wanted everyone to know he was different." 

"I know." She smiled fondly. "And he is, anyone could see that." 

 "I don't think he always can, to be honest." James admit, thinking of Sirius' constant battles with himself and fits of anger and anxiety. 

 "He'll get there. With enough separation and friends like you and Remus and Peter helping him." She switched from the bacon and started cracking eggs. After a few seconds of careful consideration, she looked back at her son. "So," she continued, keeping her tone light. "I suppose I should be expecting Remus to show up sometime soon?" She gave him a knowing look and he nearly choked on the piece of bacon he had snatched of the plate. She chuckled. "A mother always knows." 

 James managed to swallow, pounding his fist on his chest. "Er...well, Sirius says he doesn't want him to worry."

Euphemia let out a laugh and shook her head. "Right. So he'll just hide it?"

James snorted. "I don't pretend to understand his logic." He hopped off the stool. "I'm going to check on him." His mother hummed and nodded, eyes still focused on cooking. James suddenly felt a great deal of appreciation for the woman. He was very lucky, he realized, to have a mother who loved him so much, loved everyone so much, and did all she could to keep him happy and safe. He came up behind her and hugged her tightly around the middle. "I love you, mum." 

 Euphemia turned her head just enough to kiss his cheek. "I love you too, James." She patted his hand before he released her and left the kitchen. 

When he returned to the guest room Sirius was still deeply asleep, though he didn't seem very peaceful. His face was scrunched up and he was still mumbling softly to himself. James bit his lip and shut the door. This wasn't going to be something Sirius bounced back from the way he normally did, and it would take more than just some distracting mischief to help him. He crossed the hall to his bedroom and grabbed one of those silly muggle quills they had gotten over the summer and some parchment. 

  _Moony,_

_We've got a Sirius problem._

_\- Prongs_

 -

 It took less than an hour after receiving James' owl for Remus to come stumbling out of the fireplace in the Potters' living room. He brushed the soot off of his jumper, eyes filled with worry as he took in James' tired and equally anxious expression. 

 "Where is he?" He asked.

"He's been asleep all morning." James sighed, slumping against the back of the couch. "Sort of glad for that, actually. I don't think I'd be able to sleep if it were me." 

 Remus nodded, wrapping his arms around himself and chewing his bottom lip. "Right now he's probably too tired and shocked from the whole thing. It's what happens from here that worries me." 

"Me too." James agreed quietly. He ran a hand through his hair. "He didn't want me to tell you. He'll probably be pissed...but I thought this may not be a one Marauder job."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Typical." He swallowed hard, trying to get the mental image of Sirius' parents doing such horrible things to him out of his mind. "I'm glad you told me. Thank you." 

James nodded. "Of course, Moony..." He gestured the spot next to him and Remus sat down, rubbing his temples to ease the tension he felt forming. 

"So what's the plan of action?" He asked after a moment.  

 James shrugged. "No idea...first we need to get him up and fed I think. But I was having no luck with that. I've tried to wake him but he won't get up. Said your name twice though, that's when I figured I should screw what he said about leaving you out of it." 

 Remus let out a slow, long breath, his stomach churned, mind going over a million different things at once, but the most important being the future of Sirius' safety. "James...what about when he has to go back-?"

 The bespectacled boy let out a sharp laugh. "There's no going back, Remus. That I can tell you for damn sure. He's not going back to that house ever again." 

 Remus relaxed a little, unsure of how James planned to take care of that, but knowing him well enough to come up with a way. "Right. Good." He stood up. "Guest room?" 

"Yeah." James nodded, jerking his head towards the hall. "Go on up. Maybe you'll have better luck than me." 

 -

The feeling of another person wrapping themselves around him brought Sirius out of his fitful sleep. 

 "Moony?" He asked, voice hoarse and painfully raw.

 "Mhm." 

Sirius felt his body relax against the one behind him, losing himself for a moment in the warmth of the arms that tightened slightly around his waist, pulling him closer. He could close his eyes and sleep a little longer like this. "What are you doing here?" 

 "James owled me. I took the floo over just a little while ago." 

Sirius sighed and carefully turned over to face the other boy, ignoring the way Remus' eyes widened at the sight of what must have been an impressive bruise on his left cheek from the feel of it. "I told him not to bother you with this." He muttered.

 "Bother me?" Remus' eyebrows shot up nearly into his hairline. "Sirius, you ran away from home after your parents...hurt you." He struggled with the right words, clearly upset and angry about the situation himself. "And you think it's a bother to me?" One of his hands came up to tuck Sirius' hair behind his ear and his breath hitched when Sirius flinched away from his touch. 

 "I'm a bother to everyone, Remus." Sirius said quietly, pulling away. "You've got enough stress in your life without adding my crap to it. I've gone and ruined James' holiday and yours-"

 "Sirius-"

"No." He sat up despite the werewolf's attempt to pull him back to him. "I mean it. Look at me, Moony! Look at what I come from! What they do-!"

 "They're bad people, Sirius." Remus went to take his hand but Sirius quickly jerked it away, pulling his legs to his chest and wrapping his arms around himself. Remus watched him a pained expression. "You aren't like them, Padfoot. I promise you that." 

"How do you know?" Sirius asked bitterly. "If they could treat their own son this way, what makes you so sure I won't turn around and do something horrible to you as well? I can't control myself, Remus! I can't control the things I say, fuck! This is my own goddamn fault, me and my stupid fucking mouth!" His hands fisted his hair tightly as tears stung his eyes once again. Remus scrambled onto his knees in front of him, taking him gently by both wrists.

 "That's not true, Sirius." He said firmly, bringing his hands down to his sides. "You aren't like that. You're good, Padfoot. So good. Don't you see?" He gently wiped under Sirius' eyes with his thumbs. "Look at what you've done..."

Sirius shrugged miserably. "Flooded the dungeons? Filled McGonagall's office with kitty litter? Been an inconvenience to nearly everyone I've ever met?" 

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. "No you prat. What you've done for me...You stayed friends with me after finding out I was a werewolf. You and James and Peter broke a dozen laws and probably fifty school rules to become animagi so I wouldn't hurt myself anymore. You...everything you've ever done for me," He smiled. "Do you think someone as horrible and evil as your parents would do that? For a 'halfbreed' like me? Even some of the nicest wizards out there would have turned away from me once they learned what I was. You are not a bad person just because you were born into a bad family." 

The door creaked open and James' messy head poked in. "Everything alright?" 

 Remus shook his head and James stepped into the room, closing the door behind him and joining the other two on the bed. Remus sighed and turned his attention back to the boy in front of him. "I love you, Sirius Black. And James loves you, and Peter does too. You'll never be like your family." 

"Fuck your family." James growled angrily. "We're your family, Sirius. Not them. That's not what family does. This," He put one arm over Sirius' shoulders and the other over Remus'. " _This_ is what a family does. We look out for each other. We love each other. They aren't capable of that. _You are_. Fuck, Padfoot...I don't know anyone more capable of that than you. Your animal form is a dog, for Merlin's sake! Loyal! Man's best friend and all that!" 

 Sirius laughed, bringing his hand up to wipe his eyes. "Alright, I get it." He shook his head. "You two should make motivational posters or something. You're both pathetic saps." He watched relief wash over both of their faces, glad to see even the slightest hint of humor in him. His stomach growled, making them all laugh and James patted his back. 

"Good. Mum's been making breakfast since bloody dawn and she's not above force feeding you." He slid off the bed and headed out to tell his mother they were finally coming down. 

 Sirius gave Remus a quick kiss. "I'll be down in a minute. I'm just going to wash my face. I feel like hell." He watched Remus leave the room and he stepped into the guest bathroom. He let the cold water run and splashed some on his face. He stared at himself in the mirror. There was a nasty yellowing bruise on his cheek surrounding a deep gash where his father's rings had hit.  _Fucking bastard._

He shuddered. His friends' words ringing in his head. 

_You're not like them._

_You're so good, Sirius._

_No one's more capable of love._

_Dogs are loyal._

But even dogs have a risk of turning on those they love.


	41. Self Control - year five

_Dearest Cousin,_

_Of course as saddened as I was to hear about the unfortunate circumstances behind your inevitable estrangement from The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, I was equally relieved to know you had finally taken a stand for who you truly are. I, for one, am very proud of you._

_I_ _am so glad to know you have found such a wonderful support system within your school house, and that your friends have been able to make this break as clean and thorough as it could possibly be. I could only imagine how much worse it would have been had you not had someone like James Potter to turn to._

_Sirius, understand that this is not going to be easy. Regardless of how right you know your actions were, it's no simple task to cut oneself from their own blood ties. People will talk. They will say things to you or about you, but please don't let anyone make you doubt what you know is right. You made the right choice. You are a true Gryffindor, Sirius Black. You are very brave._

_I_ _hope you know that if you ever need anything, I am always here to help in any way that I can. Please stay in touch._  
_Yours,_  
_Andromeda Tonks_

Sirius folded the letter back up and stuffed it into his pocket.

"She's really pregnant." Peter commented in awe, eyeing the photograph of Andromeda and Ted that had come in the envelope. "When's she due?"

"Six weeks." Said Sirius, taking the picture back and watching as the man kissed his cousin's smiling face. He had never seen anyone in his family look quite as genuinely happy as Andy looked in that picture with her husband and her swollen belly. He tucked the photo into his pocket as well. He was sitting with his back to the Slytherin table, but he could feel the eyes on him from across the hall.

It had been a week since they returned to school after the holidays, and although none of the Slytherins had come right out and said anything to him, they all made sure to whisper and laugh as he passed in the corridor or stare at him in the Great Hall until he finally spared them a glance and they quickly looked away.

They were on their way out of the dungeons after potions, Sirius keeping his eyes firmly on the floor as they walked, when he was hit with a jinx that made him trip over his feet and fall heavily to the ground. He refused the help that James, Remus and Peter offered and picked himself up, turning to face the small group of Slytherins that were cackling to amongst themselves.

"What are you going to do, Black?" Rudolphus Lestrange sneered. "Tell your mummy? Oh, that's right...she doesn't want you, does she?"

"Blasted him right off the family tree!" Bellatrix squealed with glee. "Poor little baby Siri!"

"Fuck you, Lestrange!" Spat Sirius, fists clenching at his sides. "You want to pick a fight with me? Put your fucking wand down and fight me, then!"

Lestrange smirked, stepping forward from the group and eyeing Sirius up and down. "Think I'm scared of some pathetic little queer that turns his back on his family?"

"What did you call me?" Sirius growled. James grabbed him by the arm. "Let's go mate..."

"Did you think Regulus didn't tell everyone why you ran off?" Laughed Rudolphus. "Not that anyone was surprised to learn you were a shirt lifter. No wonder Regulus is so ashamed of y-"

Before anyone could do anything, Sirius had swung and punched Lestrange square in the face. A small crowd had formed around the two boys as the fight turned into an all out brawl.

"Shouldn't you stop them?" Peter asked Remus as they watched Sirius pin the older boy down and punch him again. "You're a prefect!" Remus bit his lip. If he broke the fight up he would have to give both Lestrange and Sirius detention. Favoring his boyfriend would make matters worse in this particular case. He was about to say something when Slughorn came out from his classroom.

"What's this? Break it up, now. Let's go. Black, Lestrange, that's quite enough! Everyone off to classes, you two can come with me!"  
-

"I can't believe he gave me detention." Sirius grumbled, throwing his bag onto his bed and climbing into Remus' where he laid with his head in the other boy's lap.

"You did throw the first punch." Remus sighed, carding his fingers through Sirius' hair. "No matter how much that git deserved it."

"How much detention?" James asked warily.

"A week." Sighed Sirius. "Scrubbing cauldrons with fucking Lestrange."

"We've got to find another outlet for your anger, mate." James said, flipping through the latest issue Quidditch Today. "Punching Slytherins is all well and good, and trust me, I'm just tickled by it myself, but it's eventually going to get you worse than a weeks worth of detention."

"Well I know one thing that helps," Sirius gave Remus a suggestive look, earning a sharp tug on his hair.

"Enough." The lighter haired boy scolded gently, but there was a smile tugging at his lips.

"Too much information, lads." Peter groaned. "Still not over what I walked into in the showers the other day..."

"Tie on the door, mate! It's a universal sign!" Sirius argued defensively.

"Don't you two have the prefect bathroom for that sort of shenanigans?" James chuckled without looking away from the article he was reading.

Remus sighed and shook his head. "I don't feel comfortable exploiting my privileges for that sort of thing. It feels wrong."

James snorted. "You sold pot during your rounds for a month to pay for your boyfriend's leather jacket, but you won't give him head in the prefects bath? You've got some fucked priorities, my friend."

Sirius laughed, looking up at Remus smugly. "See? James understands me."

"Mmm, you can date James then."

"No way, Moony." James shook his head. "I love Sirius, but that's all you. Besides, Evans is going to cave any day now."

"Ah yes," Said Peter. "Just how every love story starts 'she finally broke down and couldn't say no anymore'!" He laughed until James threw a pillow at him.

Still running his fingers through Sirius' hair, Remus looked down at him. "Really though, you've got to control your temper, Sirius. I know it's difficult and they're clearly trying to provoke you, but you can't give them that satisfaction. You're better than that."

Sirius groaned, folding his arms over his chest. "Remus, I-"

"You're going to pick a fight with the wrong person or run your mouth off about the wrong thing and you could get hurt or...I don't know, into more trouble than just having to scrub cauldrons." Remus sighed. "I just want you to be careful. Stay away from them, keep yourself busy."

Sirius nodded, not meeting Remus' eyes. "Right...you're right. I'll try."

-

Patrolling the dungeons this late at night made Lily more uneasy than she would have liked to admit. It seemed that the group of students bullying muggleborns was growing larger, and their tactics were getting more ruthless. Just days earlier Mary Macdonald ended up in the hospital wing after she was cornered by Mulciber and a few of his friends.

She shuddered.

Severus had been there, that much she knew, but she didn't know just how involved he had been. She had decidedly not asked Mary when she went to see her in the infirmary.  
She had never felt quite this conflicted before. On the one hand, Severus had never been anything but nice to her. He had been her closest friend for a large part of childhood.

She always knew that he had a mild fascination with the Dark Arts, but she didn't believe that he would ever take that interest and put it to actual use. These days she wasn't so sure.

The more he hung around with people like Mulciber and Avery and Nott, the less she approved of his behavior. And even though he had never treated her poorly due to her blood status, he saw the way he looked at other students who came from Muggle families, and she didn't like it.

Still, she had no proof that Severus was physically doing anything other than hanging around the wrong sort, which he had told her was a necessity to ensure his own well standing in the Slytherin house. She supposed she would have to consider him innocent until proven guilty.

Or maybe that was just wishful thinking.

-

Every night of Slughorn's detention made Sirius more angry. Lestrange was apparently dating Bellatrix now, and she had shared with him exactly how to press Sirius' buttons. Twice in one evening he had purposely spilled the dirty water from his own clean cauldron right into Sirius'

Sirius just kept his eyes on what he was doing, remembering the way Remus told him to breathe through the pounding in his chest and reciting the lyrics to every Bowie song he knew over and over in his head until Slughorn released them.

Being in the dungeons, alone, this late at night made Sirius more uneasy than he was willing to admit. He walked with his eyes firmly on the ground, feet moving as quickly as they could to get back to Gryffindor tower. He could promise Remus and James that he would behave until he turned blue, but they seemed to have a lot more faith in him than he had in himself. There were certain things he knew he wouldn't be able to walk away from.

"Sirius."

He stopped short and cringed. He took a deep breath. He could just keep walking. He should just keep walking.

"Can I talk to you?" Regulus' voice was strained, holding back some sort of emotion as he had been trained to do since birth. Emotions weren't for Blacks.

Sirius slowly turned around to face his brother. "Now you want to talk?" His eyes narrowed. "What could you possibly have to say to me?"

A flicker went through Regulus' eyes. Guilt, maybe? Sirius wasn't sure, and he didn't care. He watched as Regulus threw his shoulders back and consciously made an effort stand up straighter. _Good little heir...._

"I wanted to tell you that what Rudolphus said wasn't true." The younger boy explained slowly. "I never said I was ashamed of you."

Sirius shrugged, still glaring at his brother coldly. "You think that means anything to me?" He took a step closer and Regulus' perfect pureblood posture faltered for a split second as he sunk under the shadow of his brother. "You _stood there_ , Regulus." His fists clenched so hard his knuckles cracked. "You stood there and watched our father hit me." He took another step and Regulus was backed up against the stone wall. "You watched our bat shit, crazy mother use an _illegal unforgivable curse_ on me. You saw me, on the ground in _pain_ ," Sirius' hand shot up and held his brother against the wall by his throat. "And you did _nothing_." The haughty, emotionless look in Regulus' eyes was gone and instead the silvery grey orbs were filled with distinct fear. Sirius felt the muscles in the younger boys throat work against his hand as he swallowed nervously.

"S-Sirius..."

"Do you know what the cruciatus curse feels like, Reggie?" Sirius asked, his voice low and growling and almost unrecognizable to his own ears. But he couldn't stop.

"Sirius...please..."

"Fuck you, Regulus." Sirius spat, tightening his hand. "You have no fucking idea what I've been through. You've never known even an ounce of pain. No one's ever hit your pretty little face. The Precious _Prince_ of the House of Black..."

Finally Regulus pushed him away with a force that actually would have impressed Sirius if his angry adrenaline rush wasn't controlling every part of his conscious mind.

"What was I suppose to do, Sirius!" Regulus yelled, still up against the wall even without Sirius holding him there.

Sirius barked with laughter. "What were you suppose to do! Anything! You could have _said_ something! _Done_ something! It may not have made a difference but at least you would have _tried_!"

"They're our parents! I couldn't just disrespect-"

"YOU'RE A FUCKING COWARD!" Shouted Sirius, getting back in his brother's face. "Give me one good reason not to fucking hurt you right now."

"I'm your _brother_!"

Sirius shook his head. "Not anymore." He raised his fist.

"Hey! You're both out of bounds, it's well past curfew and- oh!" Sirius froze at the sound of Lily Evans' voice. With one last venomous look at his brother he stepped away. Lily cleared her throat. "Um...Regulus, back to your dorm please, or I'll take points from Slytherin." Her voice shook slightly as she addressed them. Regulus hesitated, his eyes darting to his brother almost longingly. He sighed and nodded wordlessly before turning on his heel and heading back to the Slytherin dorm.

"Sirius..." Evans called to him softly. He didn't look at her, he just ran a hand through his hair and leaned his forehead against the cold stone wall.

" _What_ , Evans? Let's go, just go on and give me that detention you've been itching to give me since you got that pretty little badge, eh?"

Lily stayed quiet for a moment. She let out a shaky breath. "I...I'm not going to do that, Sirius."

Sirius frowned and turned to face her finally. "Why? You've caught me, haven't you? Out of bounds and fighting? Don't tell me your first thought when you found out you were named a prefect wasn't that you could finally dish out what James and I deserve..."

The shadow of a smile drifted across Lily's face and she bowed her head. "True as that may be...I'm not going to do that to you for this."

Sirius sneered at her. "I don't need your bloody pity either, Evans."

She shook her head, coming to lean against the wall beside him. "...I've got a sister you know." She said quietly, eyes on the strand of deep red hair she was twirling around her finger.

Sirius didn't respond. He had known that. He remembered Lily mentioning a sister once or twice in passing. Her name was Posey? Polly?

"Petunia is her name," Lily continued, her voice thick. "She hasn't said a single word to me the last two times I went home."

His brow furrowed, interest mixed with confusion prompting him to ask "Why? What'd you do to her?" Sure, he personally thought Lily was an annoying buzzkill, but she was a nice enough bird to her friends and nearly everyone that wasn't James and himself.

Lily smiled sadly and shrugged. "Same as you. We were born different." She sighed. "When we were little we were really close. We did everything together, I looked up to her...you know, typical sibling things...until we realized I could do things she couldn't do. I could make flowers grow by touching them...I could make things move by thinking hard enough..."

"Early signs of magic." Sirius muttered.

"Exactly." Lily said softly. "No matter what she did she couldn't do the things I could do and it made her angry. She told me it was bad, what I could do...she called me a freak, said I was weird...Then I got my Hogwarts letter and she didn't..." She wrapped her arms around herself. "Things were just never the same after that. And now we just sort of coexist in the same house whenever I'm home. She barely looks at me." She closed her eyes and Sirius saw two tears fall from her lashes. "It's horrible, isn't it?" She asked tearfully. "Knowing that no matter what we do, or how badly we want to love them, they'll never accept you for who you are?"

Without a second thought, Sirius grabbed the girl and pulled her into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry Lily."

"I'm sorry too, Sirius."

They stayed like that, clinging to each other in the dark dungeon corridor for a long time. So long that Lily's rounds ended, and Sirius escorted her back to Gryffindor tower.


	42. Distracting Padfoot - Year Five

The Marauders had one major plan: Keep Padfoot Distracted. 

A bored Sirius was a reckless Sirius; picking fights with any Slytherin who looked at him the wrong way or mouthing off to anyone who said anything he may not agree with. If Sirius' anger had been a ticking time bomb before, it was damn near explosive now. To make matters worse, the Slytherins, specifically Rudolphus Lestrange and Bellatrix, knew this and showed no sign in backing down on their constant attempts to provoke him. In a matter of weeks, Sirius' already record breaking detention attendance seemed to double, not due to pranks and mischief as usual, but from getting into physical altercations and duels with anyone and everyone he didn't like, even without a valid reason. 

 It was time, James, Remus and Peter decided, to intervene. Keep Sirius busy, make sure he's never alone, distract him at all costs. 

 It was difficult at times, because Sirius had stopped waiting for trouble to come to him. He sat in the Great Hall at dinner, facing the Slytherin table, eyes narrowed and unblinking, silently begging for Lestrange or Mulciber to even glance his way. 

 "Hey Padfoot," Peter said, almost too loudly, but successfully dragging Sirius' attention back to their group. 

 "Hmm?" Grey eyes blinked in slight confusion, as if he hadn't been aware of how far off his mind had been. "What's up, Pete?"

Peter chewed his chicken thoughtfully for a moment and swallowed. "I was just saying that I sort of want to tell Emmeline I fancy her."

 Sirius frowned, one eyebrow quirking up. "She didn't get that from all the snogging last year?"

 "Er," The pudgy boy faltered slightly and scratched his head. "Well we weren't quite exclusive...and I was sort of thinking I'd like to be."

 "Alright...?" Sirius eyed him questioningly, unsure of what he wanted him to say.

Peter sighed. "So I wanted some advice." 

Sirius snorted, taking another bite of his potatoes. "You wanted advice on girls from your gay mate?" 

Peter rolled his eyes. "I wanted advice from my mate who's better at talking to everyone than I am, and who's been with girls, and is you know, in a relationship." He nodded to Remus, who was sitting beside Sirius and watching the whole conversation with an amused look, trying to keep a straight face. However, Peter's explanation seemed to work on Sirius, who shrugged a little.

"Fair enough," He smirked. "You've got to woo the girl, Wormy. Show her you care about her. Bring her some place nice and tell her you'd like to make things official. You're a good catch, she should know." 

Remus lost it at that, nearly choking on his food. He shook his head. 

 "What is so funny?" Sirius asked, looking offended. 

"Sorry," He grinned. "Peter, Sirius' idea of 'wooing' me was to yell in my face that he loved me until I had no choice but to snog him to shut him up." 

 James bit back a laugh, hiding his face as his shoulders shook. 

"Ignore them, Wormy." Sirius said, sitting up a little straighter despite James and Remus' hysterics. "Really, you just need to be honest with her."

 Peter's way of swaying Sirius' attention was to just keep talking to him. Ask him questions, specifically ones that would boost his ego and make him feel like he was the only person that could help in a situation, particularly social. And it did work, most of the time. Even if it sometimes made James and Remus lose it as Peter fed into Sirius' cocky, sometimes narcissistic mindset. 

James had a different tactic. And in Remus' opinion it wasn't all that helpful. 

 "We're suppose to be keeping him out of detention, you twat." He muttered in annoyance once Professor Mcgonagall finished scolding them for hexing Bertram Aubrey's head twice its natural size. They had earned three days of banging erasers.

"We were suppose to keep him away from Slytherins and out of fights." James corrected defensively. "Nott and Mulciber were walking down the hall, I did the first thing that came into my head to draw his attention away from them." 

 "Hexing random students isn't exactly what I would consider-"

"Hey, Pads was laughing wasn't he? Hasn't done that in almost a week. I consider that a success." James shrugged, plopping down on the big sofa in the common room. "Besides, Aubrey's a little shit. He knocked Garrett of his broom in last week's match against Ravenclaw. He's got a concussion and I'm short a beater." Then James' eyes went wide. "Oh! Shit, Moony I've got an idea!" 

Remus groaned, rubbing his temples. "I'm afraid to ask..."

 "No, really. It's perfect. It'll keep Sirius out of trouble, distracted and he'll be able to take out all that anger he's got. It's brilliant, I promise." 

-

Professor Mcgonagall stared over the rim of her glasses at the two boys that sat in front of her in her office. 

 "Mr. Potter, you can see why I'm a little hesitant to see how handing Mr. Black a bat with which he can send heavy, flying objects hurtling towards people, specifically Slytherins, is the way to keep him out of fighting those same Slytherins?" 

James and Sirius both deflated slightly. Neither of them had really thought about it like that. Sirius huffed, folding his arms and slouching in his seat. 

 "Just fuck it-"

"Language, Black." 

 "Sorry Minnie-  _Professor_ , sorry- I just feel like this is all stupid anyway. You don't want me getting into trouble, we found another outlet, and that's not good enough either!" He ran both hands through his hair. "Clearly I'm just a hopeless bloody case then, aren't I? _'What should we do about Sirius Black?' 'How do we keep Sirius out of trouble?' 'Clearly he can't be trusted with a bat_!'" He turned to face James. "I told you! There's nothing you can do, James. It's in my blood, isn't it? I will always be more trouble than I'm wor-"

 "Have a biscuit, Black." Mcgonagall interrupted his tirade, shoving a silver tray of biscuits towards him. 

Sirius stared blankly at her, his rant forgotten. "What?" 

She shuffled through some papers on her desk, waving dismissively at the tray. "Have a biscuit. You too, Potter, if you'd like." 

Sirius and James exchanged confused glances before hesitantly reaching forward and taking the offered treats. 

 "Now then," McGonagall sat back down behind her desk as the boys chewed. "Mr. Black-  _Sirius_ ," she sighed. "While it may be true that both you and Mr. Potter equally can be quite the handful, as well as Mr. Lupin and Mr. Pettigrew at times, that does not mean that you are more trouble that you are worth. I want that to be very clear, understood?"

Sirius didn't answer, he just slowly chewed the biscuit, staring ahead of him at the witch. She continued.

"I think that it was an honorable attempt to find a solution to your current predicament. You should know that the mere fact that you are willing to admit there's a problem with your recent behavior proves that you are not, as you put it, 'a hopeless case.'" She looked back down at the paperwork she was going through. "You're an extremely bright young man, Sirius. One of my top students. And although you tend to drive me to my last nerve, I admit I am very, very fond of all four of you boys." She smiled a little as James and Sirius swallowed, both unsure of how to respond. She turned her attention to James.

"Potter, I think you were on the right track with thinking Sirius' energy would be best suited for the Quidditch field, and if we had any other spot open that didn't involve the possibility of broken bones, I would be all for it. Unfortunately I just don't feel like dealing with the paperwork of that many student injuries. However," she pulled out a file and read through it. "We do need a new game commentator. Someone who knows the game well and can keep the crowd entertained." She gave Sirius a pointed look and the boy sat up a little straighter, grey eyes widening hopefully. Mcgonagall's smile faded and she looked at him more seriously. "Now, I'm warning you up front, Sirius. I know the mouth you've got on you, keep it appropriate. Try to filter yourself, or we'll nix the entire idea. Are we clear?" 

 Again James and Sirius looked at each other, wearing near identical faces of shock, and then back at their head of house. They both nodded. 

 "Yeah, you got it. Definitely." Sirius said, disbelief evident in his voice. "Thank you." 

"As for your replacement beater Mr. Potter," she addressed James. "Miss McKinnon recently expressed an interest. Why don't you give her a proper try out?"

James nodded, grinning from ear to ear as he and Sirius stood up. "Sure thing, Professor. Thank you." He and Sirius bumped their fists together in celebration as the turned to leave the office.

 "Don't make me regret this, boys!" She called after them.

"We won't!" They chorused as innocently as they could before slamming the door behind them and running off towards Gryffindor tower. 

 "I can't believe how well that went!" Sirius laughed, feeling lighter than he had in over a month since his return to school. He could practically feel himself buzzing. 

James slung an arm over his shoulder, still grinning. "See mate? People have faith in you. You just need a little more in yourself." 

 Sirius bit his lip, though the smile on his face remained. "Hey, Prongs...thanks. Y'know...for everything." 

James scoffed at him. "What? Stop. I haven't done anything." 

"You have," Sirius insisted, rubbing the back of his neck. "A lot, actually. I mean...you were the first person to believe in me...back in first year, the sorting ceremony...you cheered me on...you made me feel like I really didn't have to be a Slytherin...like my choice mattered..." He laughed nervously. "You've always been the first one to support my crazy ideas or shut me up when I'm being stupid...and push me to do things you know are good for me when I'm a stubborn arse. And what happened over break, I..." He sighed heavily. "I don't think I'd have survived it without you. So just...thanks...and...y'know....I love you and stuff..." He looked up and met James' eyes and saw the other boy smiling goofily back at him. 

 "Aw Pads...you keep talking like that and I may just have to steal you away from Moony." He gave him a flirty wink before breaking into laughter. Sirius' face fell and he glared, smacking his friend upside the head. 

 "You idiot. I'm trying to be serious here!" 

"Well yeah, who else would you be trying to be?"

 "Merlin, you're impossible. I take it back, you suck, Potter."  

"I'm just joking, prat." James chuckled, running to catch up with Sirius and grabbing his arm. "I love you too, you git. You're my brother, you know that." He stopped walking just as they were passing the painting of the bowl of fruit that hid the kitchens. "Hey, come here..." He pulled the other boy over and tickled the pear, making the painting swing open.

Sirius frowned. "Dinner is in an hour, mate..."

James rolled his eyes. "We aren't here for food." He said vaguely, hazel eyes searching the kitchen over the heads of a dozen house elves who were busy preparing that night's feast. He spotted what he was looking for and, still tugging Sirius along like a rag doll, darted over to one of the counters, picking up a sharp looking knife. 

 Sirius eyed him warily. "Er...what are you-?"

"Will you just shut your gob for once, Padfoot? Merlin you talk too much. No wonder Moony's always got to shove his tongue down your throat..." Then, to Sirius' great surprise, James took the pointed tip of the knife and pressed it to his own palm, hissing just a bit at the sting. Before Sirius could question him again, James took him by the wrist and set his hand palm up and did the same to him.

 "Ow." Sirius winced. 

"Wuss." Muttered James, dropping the knife on the counter. He sighed and locked eyes with Sirius, raising the hand that still held the boys' wrist. "Your blood," he held up his own slit hand. "My blood." He pressed their palms together firmly. " _Our_  blood. You're my brother, Sirius. Forever. No matter what happens, it's me and you. Got it? So I don't want to hear anymore about your stupid family or evil being in your veins, because as far as I'm concerned, whatever runs through yours is in mine as well. We have the same blood. Understand?" 

 Sirius nodded, feeling his heart beating hard in his chest as James pulled him into a tight hug. After a moment he smirked. "Y'know with all the inbreeding in pureblood families, we probably already had the same blood...that was just unnecessary." 

 James rolled his eyes. "Moron." He released Sirius and cleaned off the knife. 

"No, really...and they say I'm the dramatic one." Sirius snickered, pulling out his wand and using one of the few healing spells he had learned for Remus to stop the bleeding on both his and James' hands. James shook his head and together they left the the kitchens.

-

It was a rare night that the dorm room was empty. Peter had finally worked up all the Gryffindor courage he possessed and had asked Emmeline on a date in Hogsmeade. Unfortunately, that took literally all of his courage, and he had none left for the actual date. 

 "Please James! You have to come with me!" The blonde begged as Sirius tore through his wardrobe for something appropriate to wear. 

"What do you want me to do, follow you around under the cloak and whisper what to say next in your ear?" James asked with clear sarcasm. Peter's eyes went wide. 

 "Could you?" 

"What? No! Peter, come on!" James groaned.

 "Pete, do you own anything that isn't a t-shirt?" Sirius grumbled, tossing three identical white shirts out of the boy's trunk.

Peter collapsed onto his bed and whined pitifully. "I'm hopeless. She'll never want to be my girlfriend." 

 "Hold on," Sirius muttered, digging deep in the bottom of the trunk and pulling out a deep blue button down. "Ah! Here we are, Big Boy clothes!" He snickered, throwing it onto Peter's bed. "Relax, Wormy. You've already snogged the girl. The rest is cake. Just don't say anything too dorky or stupid until she gets to know you better." He sighed and looked at James. "Maybe you'd better go with him on second thought." 

James looked uncertain and Sirius had the distinct feeling it was because he didn't want to leave him by himself. He rolled his eyes.

 "I don't need a bloody babysitter, you know." He tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice. "Remus will be back from rounds soon enough. I'll just wait for him in the common room...maybe McKinnon's around to amuse me, I don't know..." He ran a hand through his hair and smirked. "Besides, it'll be nice to have the dorm empty once he's back."

Peter and James both made a face. 

"Alright, alright." James sighed. "Fine, I'll shadow your bloody date." 

 "Thank fucking Merlin, Prongs, thank you!" Peter nearly leaped off the bed, grabbing the shirt Sirius had found for him and running off to the bathroom. Sirius climbed into Remus' bed with his back to James, well aware of his friend's eyes baring into him. 

"Sirius..." 

 "Relax." Sirius mumbled, breathing slowly through the anger that was starting to make his muscles tense. "I'll be a good boy and stay right here." 

James sat on the edge of the bed. "Look, Padfoot. We're only trying help you. It's not that we don't trust you. You've gone through a lot, you haven't been yourself...No one wants to see you get hurt or do something you might really regret."

Sirius snorted. "So it's not that you don't trust me, it's just that...you don't trust me?" He shook his head and sat up. "That makes sense." 

 "No," James frowned. "It's not that we don't trust _you._ We don't trust people like Lestrange and Bellatrix and Mulciber not to take advantage of the fact that you can't control your impulses right now. That's not your fault."

"Right." Sirius sighed bitterly, lying back down just as Peter emerged from the bathroom. 

 "How do I look?" He asked, nerves causing his voice to go up a notch. 

"You look great, Wormtail." Sirius said, forcing a smile. "Knock 'em dead, mate." 

James gave Sirius one last look over the top of his glasses. "Behave." 

 Sirius groaned and pulled one of Remus' pillows over his face. Once he heard the door click closed, he pressed the pillow down harder to muffle the sound of a frustrated scream. Then he stayed there, panting slightly and wondering just how long he'd have to lay there like that before he suffocated. 

S _ure, add Moony finding me dead to my problems._ He thought bitterly.  _Ugh. Not worth it. They would bring me back to life just to murder me themselves. And there's probably no Bowie records in hell_. He tossed the pillow aside. After a minute or two he hoisted himself up off the bed, grabbing his leather jacket and his cigarettes, and he headed down into the common room. 

Surprisingly empty for a Friday night, save some second years playing gobstones by the fire. No Marlene or Frank or even Evans around to keep him occupied. He left through the portrait hole, in pursuit of the astronomy tower for some peace and quiet and a smoke. He wished James had at least left him the map, though he supposed that had been done purposely as to not give him any ideas about wondering off. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jacket, so lost in his self pitying thoughts that he didn't notice he was being followed until he found himself being roughly shoved into a closet. 

 "What the fu-" 

"Damn it, Sirius, what are you doing?" Remus' irritated voice rang through the dark space. 

 "Wha- _Remus_?" Sirius lit his wand to see his boyfriend's clearly unhappy face. "Why the fuck did you just ambush me? How'd you even know where I was?" 

Remus raised an eyebrow and held up the map. "I take it on rounds sometimes when I need to get my detention numbers up." He smirked, a hint of pride in his voice before he scowled again and whacked Sirius over the head with the parchment. "What are you doing out? Where's James?" 

 Sirius huffed, glaring at the werewolf. "For fuck sake, I'm sixteen years old! I don't need a bloody chaperone! It's barely even after hours, Moony! I went out for a damn smoke, is that alright?"  He slammed his fist against the wall and the shelved behind him shook. Remus' expression softened. 

 "I'm sorry, Padfoot. You're right." He bit his lip, watching Sirius lean against the wall and fold his arms looking a mix of angry and hurt. Remus sighed and pulled Sirius to him by his hips. He smiled a little and ducked his head to kiss the other boy's pouting lips. "Come on, love...don't be angry with me."

Sirius continued to sulk. "I'm tired of being treated like I'm some child that can't be left unsupervised." He turned his head to the side. He would absolutely not be persuaded by kisses to stop being angry. No Sir. "You think I don't know that you and James and Pete have just been finding ways to distract me and keep me busy? I'm not stupid." 

Remus nodded, one of his hands sliding up under Sirius' jacket and t-shirt to stroke the soft skin just above his jeans. "I know you're not stupid, Sirius. I'm sorry. We've just been worried about you." He pressed his lips to the side of Sirius' neck, to the place he knew would make him squirm. And squirm he did. 

 "Stop that." Sirius whined, but he tilted his head further to give Remus more room. He felt Remus chuckle softly against the skin of his neck.

"You don't want me to stop..." His voice was almost a growl with the full moon less than a week away. Sirius had to admit, pre-moon Remus was definitely a turn on. He was much more assertive and bold and didn't mind taking charge, to a certain extent. Sirius felt his knees go weak as the taller boy pressed against him so he was pinned between him and the wall. 

 "Moony..." Sirius sighed, his bad mood forgotten as Remus kissed lower down his neck. 

"I'm sorry for being overly protective, Sirius..." Remus muttered, the hand that had been stroking his hip sliding lower to cup the growing bulge in his jeans. "Let me make it up to you..."

 Sirius suddenly forgot how to form words as he watched his boyfriend slide down onto his knees, glowing amber eyes staying locked onto his. Sirius cleared his throat. "W-well...I mean I can't r-really argue with tha- _aah! Remus_!" 

He knew, of course, that this was Remus' own way of keeping him distracted. But it was definitely his favorite. 

Ten minutes later they both stumbled out of the closet, laughing and still stealing kisses from each other. 

 "Fuck." They both froze when they heard someone swear under their breath. Remus raised his lit wand, shedding light on the face of Severus Snape. 

"You're out of bounds, Severus." Remus said, trying to sound authoritative through his mild embarrassment. "Back to your dorm." 

Snape raised as eyebrow and cocked his head toward Sirius. "So's he." 

 "Yes, and I was just telling Sirius to return to his as well." 

The Slytherin rolled his eyes. "I'm sure that's exactly what you were telling him." He sneered, watching as Sirius adjusted the fly of his jeans. His eyes flickered to the window, the waxing moon high over the school grounds, then back to Remus. "You're not looking well, Lupin. Maybe you should take a few days off from rounds. Looks like you could use some rest."  Sirius' hand wrapped around his wand in his back pocket.

Remus gave a wry smile and shrugged. "I feel fine. Thanks for the concern, Severus. Now return to the dungeons or I'll give you detention." 

 "What about Black?" 

"Sirius is none of your concern, Snape." Remus stepped closer to the other boy so he was now between Sirius and Severus. "And he's on his way back to his dorm as well, aren't you Sirius?" 

Sirius gave a slight nod, eyes narrowed on Severus. "Yeah." 

Snape gave Remus one last once over, his eyes filled with a look unadulterated disgust, and turned to head back down to Slytherin dorm. Once he was out of earshot, Sirius shuddered. 

"Bloody hate the way he looks at you." He muttered. "And the way he's always sneaking around."

 "Mmm." Remus hummed in agreement. "Don't dwell on it, Sirius. I don't." He gently grabbed his boyfriend's chin and tilted his face up for another kiss. "Back to the dorm with you as well, or I'll have to give you detention." He smirked.

Sirius grinned. "Oh really? That sounds tempting."

Remus laughed and rolled his eyes. "I mean it, Pads. I'll be up in about an hour, alright?"

 With one last kiss, Sirius conceded and headed back up to Gryffindor Tower.  

 


	43. Completely Serious - Year five

"Rise and shine, Padfoot!" The much too cheery voice of James Potter tore Sirius from his peaceful sleep. He grumbled unintelligibly, snuggling further back against the naked form of his boyfriend who was spooning him from behind. Remus' arm around his waist tightened, but he remained asleep.

"S'too early, mate." Sirius whined, keeping his eyes screwed shut and praying that James would go away.

"Big game today. I'm bringing the team down to get one last practice in." Sirius could hear the grin on James' face and it only annoyed him further.

"I'm not technically on the team." He groaned, pulling the blanket over his head. Remus stirred in his sleep and nuzzled Sirius' neck. "G'way or you'll wake my big scary werewolf boyfriend and he'll eat you."

"Shut up Padfoot." Remus mumbled groggily.

"It's part of the deal with McGonagall, Sirius. You've got to come to practices. Come on." James sighed.

Sirius grumbled some more and turned to face Remus whose eyes were open and not very happy looking, but the corner of his lip twitched up. "You'd better go or he'll drag you out there completely starkers."

Sirius laughed and kissed him quickly. Then he pouted. "You're going to miss my first game."

One of Remus' hands came up to stroke his cheek. "I know, love. I'm sorry. Fucking moon..." He looked sad for a moment. "You, James and Peter are going to come to the shack right after, right?"

Sirius nodded, taking his hand and squeezing it gently. "Of course. Straight there, I promise." He kissed him again. "I love you."

"I love you too." He smiled sleepily as he watched Sirius get up and dressed. "Pads..."

"Yeah?"

"I'm proud of you, you know. You've been working really hard to keep focused."

Sirius grinned, feeling his face heat up which he tried to hide by pulling his shirt on over his head. "I'll see you later, Moons. Rest up." He pulled the curtains closed around Remus' bed and followed James down to the common room where Dorcas, Marlene, The Prewitt twins, Frank Longbottom and a fit looking seventh year, Eric Feldman. They all looked about as happy to be awake at such an early hour as Sirius felt.

It was a windy March morning and although it wasn't raining, there was a heavy mist in the air that James kept insisting would clear before the game started.  
Sirius sat up in the stands, pulling his leather jacket tightly around him to keep out the chill and wishing he were still in his warm bed, under the warm blankets, with his warm, naked boyfriend.

"Fucking Potter..." He muttered, tying his wet hair up in a knot.

"Hmm, you can say that again."

Sirius looked up and saw Lily Evans, layered in a thick cloak and holding two steaming mugs. "Cocoa?" She held one out to him and smiled.

Sirius smiled back. "Sure." He took the mug from her as she took a seat next him him. "What are you doing out here?"

Lily sighed and nodded out to the field. "Making sure Marlene doesn't make a complete fool of herself to get Dorcas' attention."

Sirius snorted, rolling his eyes. "She still hasn't told her, eh?"

"Afraid not. Although it's painfully obvious. I'm sure Dorcas is already well aware."

Sirius chuckled, taking a long drink and feeling the warmth spread through his body. "It's not easy telling one of your best mates you're in love with them." He smiled, looking down at his lap. "Even if it's obvious to everyone else that the feeling is mutual. It goes deeper than just a fear of rejection, you know? If you tell them and they don't feel the same way, you can get over that with some time...but if they do feel the same way and it doesn't work for whatever reason..." He shivered and pretended it was from the wind. "Then you could lose them forever..."

Lily watched him, taking in the emotions of his voice and face. She smiled softly. "I didn't think about that."

"I think about it every time I look at him." Sirius admit, worrying his bottom lip. "I'm sure you're well aware that I don't always think before I do things or say things," he looked up at her and smirked a little, catching her agreeing look. "But...I am trying so hard every fucking day just to be good enough to be what he deserves...I don't want to fuck this up. I can't."

"Wow," Lily breathed, seeming a little surprised. "You really do love him, don't you?"

He nodded, no hesitation. "Yes."

Lily sighed and looked back out at the Quidditch pitch and the players who were flying back and forth. "I've underestimated you, Sirius."

Sirius snorted and took another sip of his drink. "Many people do."

Lily hummed. "But you see, I didn't underestimate you because of your name. I'm a muggleborn. I don't know much about the politics of all the pureblood families." She shook her head and Sirius rolled his eyes at the mention of it. "It's just...I suppose I've only ever seen you and Potter as immature, conceded prats-"

"Gee, thanks."

"And part of me still sort of does see that...but I never really thought much about your own lives and feelings and the things you all do for each other. It's quite admirable, you know. How much you and James and Peter care for Remus with his..." She trailed off and Sirius held his breath for a moment. He let it out when she didn't seem to wish to continue the thought. He shrugged.

"We're a family. That's what we do."  
-  
"AVREY SHOOTS FOR THE GOAL - ANOTHER BRILLIANT SAVE BY GRYFFINDOR KEEPER LONGBOTTOM! No surprise, of course. Everyone knows Avery can't score."

Mcgonagall gave Sirius a warning look but let the comment slide. Sirius shrugged innocently and put his focus back on the game. "GRYFFINDOR CAPTAIN JAMES POTTER HAS THE QUAFFLE - OY! SLYTHERIN BEATER FLINT JUST SENT THE BLUDGER TOWARDS POTTER ON PURPOSE! NICE SAVE BY MARLENE MCKINNON! That's right Marls! Show that slimy piece of-"

"Sirius!"

"Sorry Professor, but that was out of order and you know it! GOOD BEATING, MCKINNON! HEY MEADOWS, YOU IMPRESSED? IM IMPRESSED!"

Marlene flew past the commentator stand and flipped him off, but she was grinning ear to ear. Sirius snickered to himself.

"GREAT INTERFERENCE FROM GIDEON PREWITT AS HE STEALS THE QUAFFLE FROM SLYTHERIN CHASER JASPER PARKINSON! PREWITT PASSES TO POTTER, POTTER SCORES! TEN POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR! EXCELLENT PLAY BY BOTH POTTER AND PREWITT RIGHT THERE, then again I know he handles balls well-"

"SIRIUS BLACK WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!"

"What?" Sirius laughed. "He's a good chaser!"

The students, or at least most of them, perhaps not the Slytherins, seemed entertained by Sirius' comments. Some of them even shouting back to him and hooting and whistling. He liked the feeling. It was sort of the same as when he and James would pull off a massive prank that got even the teachers to laugh. A natural high. He was surprised with the things Mcgonagall did let him get away with, but he couldn't help but push his limits now and then. He did think maybe she had been just slightly too trusting, allowing his first game to be against Slytherin. At least Gryffindor was in the lead, 30 to 10.

He was glad that Regulus was the team's seeker and that he didn't have much to do for most of the game that would be worth commenting on, and he tried his best not to pay him any mind, but he did find himself occasionally allowing his eyes to wander to the younger Black.

"ANOTHER TEN POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR SCORED BY FABIAN PREWITT! Slytherin Keeper Goyle may want to lay off the pudding at dinner tonight, maybe you'd be a little faster, eh?"

There was loud booing from the Slytherin stands, but the rest of the crowd roared with laughter.

Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw Regulus start to fly faster. "OY MEADOWS, GET YOUR EYES OFF MCKINNON'S ARSE! SLYTHERIN SEEKER REGULUS BLACK HAS SEEN THE SNITCH! DONT GIVE THAT BRAT THE SATISFACTION!"

"Sirius..." Mcgonagall sighed, shaking her head. But Sirius was too busy, as was the rest of the crowd, watching as Dorcas sped off, coming nearly shoulder to shoulder with Regulus as they both chased after the snitch. Suddenly they both dove straight down, almost completely in sync with each other, both reaching, straining.

Once they were close enough to the ground, Dorcas jerked her broom to the left.

"MEADOWS HIPCHECKS REGULUS! GO DORCAS! GET IT!"

Regulus did the same back to her and both seekers tumbled off their brooms into the sandpit where they seemed to be wrestling each other.

"WHO HAS THE SNITCH!? Kick him in the bloody shin, Dorcas-"

"Sirius, no!"

"All in good sportsmanship, of course Professor!"

After a moment more of struggling, Dorcas stood and shot her fist into the air, holding the tiny golden ball.

"DORCAS MEADOWS HAS THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS!" Sirius shouted and the crowd cheered excitedly. The rest of the team flew down, throwing their brooms aside and running to congratulate their seeker. Marlene was the first to get there, throwing her arms around Dorcas and, lost in the excitement of winning perhaps, crushed her lips against the other girl's. Sirius grinned, watching from the commentator stand as Dorcas pulled Marlene closer and kissed back.

"Looks like Quidditch isn't the only thing Meadows and McKinnon have won today, eh?" Sirius snickered into the microphone. Both girls smiled and waved up at him before they were tackled by the rest of their team.

-

Eventually Sirius made his way down the field where the members of the Gryffindor team were still busy congratulating each other and the happy new couple. 

 "Good game, you lot." He grinned and clapped James on the shoulder. "That was some nice flying, Dorcas. Hope you got a punch in for me at the end." 

Dorcas laughed and winked at him. "Kicked him in the shin, like you said." 

 "You are an absolute goddess. I owe you a drink." He hugged her and then turned to Marlene. "And you," He smirked knowingly. "How do you feel?" 

Marlene nearly flung herself at Sirius, knocking the wind out of him momentarily and popping several place in his spine. "Thank you, Sirius." 

 "Me?" He laughed when she finally released him, pushing some of his hair out of his eyes. "I didn't do anything." 

Marlene just smiled at him and shook her head. "You've done more than you know. Just accept my gratitude, Black." She kissed him on the cheek. "Love you." 

He smiled and hugged her again, much gentler this time. "Love you too, McKnickers. Best to you two." 

The team headed towards the lockers and James held Sirius back. "I'm going to jump in the shower," He glanced up at the sky, judging the placement of the sun. "It's what? 4:30? Hour til moon rise?" 

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. Pete ran to the kitchens to grab us something to eat. I just have to stop in the dorm quick and grab my bag. Meet in front of the willow in an hour?"

"Sounds good." James agreed and followed the rest of the team, still cheering each other on, into the lockers as Sirius headed off to the castle on his own. 

 He was in a relatively good mood, much better than he had been in in quite some time, and although he didn't enjoy the pain the full moon caused Remus, he couldn't deny that the monthly adventures running around the forest with the wolf were some of his favorite nights. In fact, he couldn't think of a better way to add to his already existing adrenaline rush. 

In the dorm room he quickly grabbed the usual items he always brought along; Water bottle, Remus' sweater, a handful of chocolate and the tiny potion bottle that contained a healing drought for mild injuries. He tossed them all into his bag and hurried out, glancing quickly out the window at the setting sun.  

He bounded down the stairs as fast as he could, skipping steps and avoiding the trick ones and he was nearly out of the castle when he collided, hard, with another student, causing them both to fall to the ground. 

"Shit." Sirius muttered, picking himself up and brushing himself off. He turned to give the other boy a hand. "Sorry, I- Oh...It's you." He frowned when came face to face with Severus Snape.

 Snape glared at him as he stood and fixed his robes. "And where are you off to in such a hurry?" 

"None of your bloody business." Sirius snapped. "Out of my way, Snivellus. I've got somewhere to be." He went to step around him but Snape just shifted, not letting him through. 

 "Awfully curious how you and your friends are always sneaking around late at night." Severus had his wand out, but not raised. Sirius' hand went to his back pocket for his own. 

_Don't do it. Don't fight him. Not tonight. You can't risk detention on a full moon. Remus needs you._

Sirius smirked. "You should talk. You're always lurking about in the shadows, following everyone around, sticking that giant beak of yours where it doesn't belong. We've warned you before, Snivellus. Stay away, or we'll stop playing nice." He shoved past the other boy roughly. 

"What's the matter, Black? You can't fight me without your friends to back you up?" Snape called to him. Sirius slowly exhaled a deep breath and spun around. 

 "I'm not going to fight you because I've got better shit to do than waste my time with some greasy, low life git." He took a threatening step closer. "And at least I've got friends. I don't see anyone ever hanging around you," He made a face. "Probably the smell." 

Snape gave him a sick sort of smile. "Enjoy them while you've got them, Black...Only a matter of time before they get sick of you, just like your family." 

Sirius inhaled sharply and his fingers curled into tight fists at his side. He turned his back on the other boy again. He took another deep breath and counted in his head. 

"Lupin's going to get sick of you too, Black." Severus sneered. "He's only with you because he knows no one else is ever going to want a freak like him."

 Sirius' eyes went wide and before he could stop himself, he turned and shoved Severus against a wall. "I warned you, Snape." He growled. "I warned you if you didn't keep Remus' name out of your damn mouth, you'd fucking regret it." He was breathing hard, his entire body felt like it was on fire as rage surged through him. He wanted to hurt Severus Snape more than he had ever wanted to hurt anyone. "You just can't mind your own business can you? You really want to know what it is we're up to? You want to know what's wrong with poor little Remus Lupin? Where's he always disappearing to? Fine!" His eyes flashed to the window, it was nearly dark. He smirked. "Go on out to the Whomping Willow. Grab a long stick, press the knot in the middle...The tree will stop moving and you can take a hidden tunnel. So go, unless you're a scared little shit like I think you are." He released Severus with one last hard shove and started to walk away. 

 "You...You're fucking with me, Black." 

Sirius kept walking, not bothering to look back. "Oh I assure you, I'm completely Serious." 


	44. A Monster Like Me - Year Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honey, I'm telling the truth  
> I did something terrible in my early youth  
> My mind went blank, I lost control  
> I was just a little boy, I did not know  
> I better let you go... 
> 
> To find the prince you thought you found in me  
> I better set you free and give you up  
> Just wave and say goodbye and let you live  
> Without a monster like me  
> Honey, what am I to you  
> Now I have pulled the trigger on this awful truth  
> Oh hold me now, cause I'm burning up  
> Sing me something beautiful, just make it stop  
> I better let you go... 
> 
> To find the prince you thought you found in me  
> I better set you free and give you up  
> Just wave and say goodbye and let you live  
> Without a monster like me
> 
> \- A Monster Like Me by Mørland & Debrah Scarlett

That white noise was back in his head and his whole body felt numb. 

It was better than the anger though. He leaned against the wall and ran his hands through his hair.

  _Fucking Snivellus...he deserves what he gets...see if he goes snooping around anymore..._

 "Sirius?"

Sirius shook himself out of wherever his mind had put him as James came running to him. 

 "Sirius, what are you doing? You were suppose to meet us twenty minutes ago. I sent Wormtail in without us..." He frowned. "What's wrong?" 

 "Fucking Snivellus." Sirius muttered irritably.

James watched him carefully. "What about him? What'd he do?"

 "He was just running his mouth and lurking about...asking too many fucking questions." 

James nodded slowly, sensing something amiss by the tone of his friend's voice and the look on his face. He licked his lips nervously. "Alright...well...we'll hex him for it tomorrow, mate..." He took Sirius' arm. "Come on, Pads-"

 Sirius smirked and shook his his head. "I took care of it already. He won't be sneaking around us anymore." 

Something flickered in James' eyes. He swallowed. "Sirius...what did you do?" 

Sirius shrugged. "I didn't do anything. I just wanted to give him a little scare, that's all." He chuckled to himself. "So I told him how to get past the willow."

The color drained from James' face and his eyes grew twice their size. "Y-you did what?" He grabbed him by the shoulders. "Sirius, you're joking, right?" Sirius said nothing. James shook him. "SIRIUS! Fuck! Sirius what did you do!"

Slowly, realization seemed to dawn on Sirius' features and the cold look in his eyes faded, replaced with fear. He paled. "J-James...Fuck, James...I...I didn't mean-"

 James shoved him roughly aside. "Go upstairs to the dorm, Sirius."

"No! I have to-"

 "You've done enough, just go! Go and stay there!" 

 Sirius watched, frozen in shock as James tore off into the dark towards the whomping willow. 

_What did I do_?

-

James had never run so fast in his life. He could hear his heart pounding and his breathing and nothing else. His mind was racing. What had Sirius done? What could Snape have possibly said to make Sirius betray Remus that way?

He couldn't think about it now. All he could think was to run faster. 

He skidded to a stop in front of the Willow when he nearly tripped over a large branch on the ground.  _Shit_. Was it too late? How far had Severus gotten?

Picking up the branch, he prodded the knot in the tree. Everything stilled. Including his heart. 

_Keep moving_.

The tunnel leading to the shrieking shack had never seemed so long and dark as he pushed himself to move as quickly as possible, the sound of his footsteps echoing off the walls. In the distance he could see the light of someone's wand. 

 "Severus!" He called desperately. There was no answer, but the light flickered with movement. "Stop! Don't go any further!" Finally reaching the other boy, James reached out and grabbed him by the back of his robes. Severus shoved him off roughly, his hand already on the door that would lead him right to the shrieking shack. Right to Remus.

  _"Potter_? What are you doing-" 

"Severus, please, listen to me." James tried breathlessly to rationalize with him. "You need to get out of here. You can't be here." 

 Snape sneered at him. "And you can be? Why?" 

"I can't tell you!" James said desperately, willing the other boy to just trust him and leave. Make this nightmare go away. He'd deal with Sirius on his own, Remus would never have to know and everything would go on the way it should be. "You just have to trust me and go _now_ , or both of us could get killed."

 There was a loud, inhuman scream from behind the door and both James and Severus froze. "What was that?" Snape asked. 

James swallowed. "Please...just leave."

"Tell me and I'll leave." Severus challenged, his hand still on the doorknob. 

 "Leave and I'll tell you." James lied. He couldn't think of a good enough lie. His hand was on his wand. "Don't make me hurt you to save you, Snape. I can't let you-"

"Typical fucking Gryffindor always thinking they've got to be the hero." Snape spat, once again shoving James away, this time hard enough that the Gryffindor stumbled back and fell to the ground. James heard the click of the door opening as he scrambled to his feet.

 "SEVERUS NO!" He lunged forward, knocking Snape out of the way of the now open door. There was was a moment of sheer terror for both of them as giant, yellow eyes locked on them and the wolf growled.

 "Holy shit-" Severus breathed, his eyes wide with shock and fear. The wolf charged forward and James slammed the the door shut, wincing as he felt it shutter behind him as the wolf collided heavily with it.  _Sorry Moony..._

"SEVERUS RUN! GO!" 

But Snape was frozen on the ground, unable to move. Moony kept throwing himself at the door trying to get to them. "Fuck." James swore under his breath. He pulled Severus to his feet. "RUN YOU IDIOT!" 

-

 It was dawn when James walked into the dorm room, bruised from the Whomping Willow and absolutely seething with anger. Sirius jumped up from where he had been anxiously waiting on his bed. He obviously hadn't slept. He was pale, and shaking and he had gotten sick several times during the night, disgusted with himself and terrified. 

 "James, I-" 

He heard a crack as James' fist collided with his face. Even though he knew he deserved that, deserved worse than that, he threw a punch back and the two of them ended up in wrestling on the floor of the dorm. Sirius was the first to forfeit, getting to his feet and wiping blood off his face with his sleeve. 

"Look! I fucking deserve it okay, but I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for it to go that far! I didn’t think that-”

“But that’s just it Sirius! You _DIDN'T THINK_! And that could have gotten Snape and Moony killed!”

Sirius flinched at Remus' name, shame washing over him and feeling sick again. He swallowed hard. "...Is...Is he okay?" He asked quietly, not meeting James' angry stare. 

 James sighed, biting his lip and looking away as well. “He beat himself up pretty bad. Pete’s down in the hospital wing with him.”

“I need to see him,” Sirius made a move towards the door.

“You’re not going anywhere near him.” James said coldly, blocking his way.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen! I need to talk to him! I need to apologize-”

“You think apologizing is going to fix this? Sirius, he _trusted_ you! ESPECIALLY you! You’re his bloody _boyfriend_ for fuck sake. You’re suppose to protect him!”

 "I was trying to protect him!" Argued Sirius, desperation evident in his voice. 

"Well you did a right shit job of it!" James ran a hand through his hair. " _Fuck, Sirius_ , what the bloody hell did you think would happen sending Snape in after a full grown bloody werewolf? I know you only see Remus as himself, but you forget that as much as you love him, he is still dangerous!"

“You don’t understand! Snape was saying horrible things about him! He was saying that he knew we had a secret and that he would find out! He was calling him a freak and I couldn’t…I didn’t…I lost it. I love him James! I really…” He made a strangled angry noise and punched the wall behind him, adding broken knuckles to his probably broken nose. “I need to tell him I love him…I need to apologize…”

James bit his lip. “I know you do Sirius…but I can’t let you see him right now. You need to stay away. For both your sakes..“

Angrily wiping away tears, Sirius turned to him. "D'you forgive me?”

“No.” James answered honestly. “Not now...I will…and Pete will…”

 Sirius' eyes narrowed on him. "But Remus won't, is that what you're trying to say?" He ran his hands through his hair and James gave him an uncertain sort of look. “You’re wrong. _You’re wrong_ , James. Remus and I…we… _I love him_ and-”

 "And you fucked up, Sirius." James shook his head. "Look, I can't tell you what Remus is going to do or think...I don't know if he'll forgive you but...I can't let you near him right now, alright? It's probably best if you just...just give everyone space, okay?" 

Tears were falling freely down Sirius' face, but he nodded slowly. James turned to leave.

 "James-" Sirius called quietly. "...w-what...what happened? Snape...Did he...?" 

James sighed and shook his head. "He's fine. Cracked a rib getting away from the willow...and pretty shaken up from what he saw, as you'd imagine...Dumbledore made him swear not to tell anyone."

 Sirius swallowed, biting his bottom lip hard. "Dumbledore knows that I-" 

"I made him swear not to tell Dumbledore it was you." James muttered.

 "Why would you-?" 

"Because I think that the guilt you're feeling right now...and what you're about to go through...that's way worse than any punishment Dumbledore can dish out." And with that, James left Sirius standing alone in the dorm. 

__**_"No." He sat up despite the werewolf's attempt to pull him back to him. "I mean it. Look at me, Moony! Look at what I come from! What they do-!"_ **

**_"They're bad people, Sirius." Remus went to take his hand but Sirius quickly jerked it away, pulling his legs to his chest and wrapping his arms around himself. Remus watched him a pained expression. "You aren't like them, Padfoot. I promise you that."_ **

**_"How do you know?" Sirius asked bitterly. "If they could treat their own son this way, what makes you so sure I won't turn around and do something horrible to you as well? I can't control myself, Remus! I can't control the things I say, fuck! This is my own goddamn fault, me and my stupid fucking mouth!" His hands fisted his hair tightly as tears stung his eyes once again. Remus scrambled onto his knees in front of him, taking him gently by both wrists._ **

**_"That's not true, Sirius." He said firmly, bringing his hands down to his sides. "You aren't like that. You're good, Padfoot. So good. Don't you see?" He gently wiped under Sirius' eyes with his thumbs. "Look at what you've done..."_ **

_Look at what you've done..._

_Look at what I've done..._

_" **Wuss." Muttered James, dropping the knife on the counter. He sighed and locked eyes with Sirius, raising the hand that still held the boys' wrist. "Your blood," he held up his own slit hand. "My blood." He pressed their palms together firmly. " _Our_  blood. You're my brother, Sirius. Forever. No matter what happens, it's me and you. Got it? So I don't want to hear anymore about your stupid family or evil being in your veins, because as far as I'm concerned, whatever runs through yours is in mine as well. We have the same blood. Understand?" **_

_Wrong. James is wrong...I'm exactly like my family...I don't deserve you..._

**_Remus shook his head. "Not if what makes them happy is wrong. Maybe you're just a better person."_ **

**_"But what if I'm not a better person?"_ **

**_"You wouldn't be upset over it if you weren't."_ **

**_"I just feel like no matter what I do, I'm still a Black. And I still have this darkness in me...no matter how hard I try to fight it, it'll end up coming out anyway. Like some sort of demon or something..."_ **

**_"We've all got our demons, Sirius..."_ **

_And I don't deserve Remus..._

**_"You..." Remus licked his lips. "You love me?"_ **

**_Sirius nodded. "I think I always have, Moony..." He reached up to brush the fringe of Remus' hair out of his eyes._ **

**_Remus half laughed, half choked. "I love you too, Sirius."_ **

**_They kissed softly again, just a touch of their lips together._ **

**_"...If we do this...us, for real..." Remus barely whispered, eyes baring into Sirius' with apprehension. "We could be risking everything, you know..."_ **

**_Sirius smiled, resting his hand against Remus' cheek and running his thumb gently across the boy's lips. He shrugged. "What's life without a little risk?"_ **

****_And Remus doesn't deserve a monster like me..._


	45. Crash and Burn - Year Five

For the first time in over a year, Remus woke up with nearly no recollection of the night before and horrible pain in every inch of his body. He hadn't opened his eyes, but instead of the dusty, old scent of the shack he smelled healing potions and sterile sheets, but he couldn't remember Madam Pomfrey waking him to bring him to the hospital wing. 

 The harsh lighting of the infirmary burned his eyes when he finally forced them open and he groaned. "Fuck..." He muttered.

"Remus? Shit, James, he's awake." Peter's exhausted voice rang in his ears. His vision cleared and he saw the two boys staring, tired and anxious at him.

 "What happened?" His throat stung when he spoke. Panic hit him and he sat up so quickly it made his head spin and his body scream in protest. "Where's Sirius? What happened? Did I hurt-?"

 A horrible feeling of dread washed over him as James and Peter exchanged a look of regret. "J-James, is Sirius-?"

 "Sirius is fine." James' voice shook. 

Then where was he? Something wasn't right.

" _What happened_?" He asked again. He watched as James swallowed thickly, hazel eyes downcast.

"Remus...um..." He licked his lips. "Last night on the way to the shack...Sirius had a run in with Snape...and they got into an argument..."

 Remus felt his chest tighten. He took a deep breath. "S-so...Sirius hexed him? He's in detention? Suspended? Expelled?  _What_?"

James shook his head. "No...whatever Snape said to him, it really got him mad...and...well, you know how Sirius is when he's mad-"

What was he trying to say? Clearly it was bad, because James didn't want to say it.  "Tell me what happened James!" Remus snapped, causing both James and Peter recoil slightly.

James took a breath, finally meeting Remus' hard gaze. "He told Snape how to get past the willow." 

Everything went cold. He couldn't breathe and there was a sudden ringing in his ears drowning out the rest of what James was saying, although he did pick up on some key things like "not hurt" and "sworn to secrecy".  

Remus shook his head. "No..." He whispered. "No no no no..." 

"I'm sorry, Moony..." James whispered, his voice thick with emotion. 

Remus choked down a sob, his whole body shaking with anger and grief and a mix of emotions he didn't know how to place and had no desire to. This had to be a nightmare. This couldn't be true. Sirius wouldn't do this. Not to him...not Sirius...

-

Remus was in the hospital wing for three days straight. When they weren't in class or at meals, James and Peter were visiting with him but he mostly slept, aided by a powerful sleeping potion. 

 This left Sirius completely alone. 

Not that it made a difference, because no one was speaking to him anyway. 

 It was late in the evening when Remus finally returned to the common room. Sirius looked up from the History of Magic essay he was trying, and failing, to distract himself with. His heart sank.

Remus was thinner and paler than Sirius could ever remember seeing him, with dark circles under his eyes and a fresh, deep gash across his face that would surely leave a permanent scar. 

_I did this._

Remus didn't look at him. He kept his eyes firmly on the ground and went straight up to the dorm. Sirius risked a glance at James and Peter, who were on the other side of common room working on their own homework. They both stood after a moment, also avoiding eye contact with him, and followed Remus up the stairs. 

 Sirius waited until everyone else was in bed before he quietly made his way up to the dorm. His bed felt too big, or perhaps he felt too small, and he couldn't find a comfortable position no matter what he tried. He hadn't slept in days, not since it had happened...

It wasn't meant to happen like that.

It was a joke. 

A prank.

Snape wasn't suppose to actually listen to him. He thought at the most he'd get to the willow and chicken out or be smacked around a bit by the branches like all the other idiots who liked to bet on who could get closer.

What was he thinking...

He wasn't thinking. He never did. He just let his anger control him and now he had finally taken it too far. 

**" _I don't care if I embarrassed the family, I don't care if I get bloody disowned, even! The Sorting Hat put me in Gryffindor, and that's where I'm going to stay. I'd love to see mother try to change that. Besides, you should be happy! Now you won't have to keep an eye on me!"_**

_**Narcissa shook her head. "Oh Sirius, one day you'll see just how very damaging your rebellious behavior is. You want to keep pretending you aren't who you are? Go ahead. But you'll wind up all alone**."_

It was true. He couldn't pretend he wasn't who he was. He was, and always would be, A Black. Selfish, arrogant and thoughtless.

" ** _You may not be in the same robes as us, Sirius. But the blood in your veins is still the Black family's, and one day you'll realize that you're exactly like the rest of us." Regulus said coldly. "And by that time you'll have no family left to turn to._** " 

He had no one. A disappointment and unwanted by his family, and now his friends and worse, to Remus...

He whimpered and turned into his side, screwing his eyes shut tight and concentrating on his breathing, which had gotten shallow and rapid as his thoughts raced through his mind. Breathe in for four and out for eight...he counted slowly...slowly...and he faded into sleep.

-

_His eyes_ _snap open when he hears the sound of a door being shut, followed by footsteps. The room is dark, but he can tell right away that it isn't the fifth year Gryffindor dorm that he's in. He swallows past the lump in his throat._

_"James?"_

_The footsteps draw closer and with a flash of light he sees his mother standing over him. He can't move._

_"You're a Black, Sirius. And you_ will _behave like one." Another flash of light and pain rips through his body. He opens his mouth to scream but no sound escapes him. His body is on fire, ears ringing..._

_The pain subsides and he lays there, breathless on the ground, wishing for someone to come and take him away from it. Regulus, James, Peter, Remus...death, even._

_He has no one._

_"You can't run from who you are, Sirius." Regulus' voice comes from somewhere in the shadows before he steps into the light above Sirius' idle body as well._

Regulus, please help me.  _He wants to beg his brother for mercy, forgiveness, anything..._

_Regulus reaches his hand out and for a quick fleeting moment, Sirius thinks he's going to help him. But the hand closes around his throat. He can't breathe. He can't move. He can't scream. Everything around him is fading, darkness closing in around his brother's face as the hand on his throat tightens..._

_And suddenly it's not Regulus' face above him._

_It's Remus'._

 

Sirius woke up with a loud gasp as his lungs fill with air, tears rolling down his face and his entire body shaking violently. A nightmare...it was a nightmare. He took several deep breaths, composing himself enough before slipping out of bed and padding across the dorm to the bathroom. He avoided looking at himself in the mirror as he turned the cold water on in the sink, gathering it in his hands and splashing it onto his tear and sweat stained face. 

He took a few extra minutes to let his mind ease up before he returned to his four poster, closed the curtain and transformed.

At least as a dog he could sleep without being haunted by his own thoughts.

-

It had been two weeks of agonizing silence from his friends when Sirius finally couldn't stand it anymore. With OWLs just over a month away, he couldn't eat, sleep or think let alone study for them. He entered the common room late one night to see Remus curled up in the overstuffed armchair by the fire, finishing up one of his missed assignments, and James and Peter in the middle of a game of chess. The rest of the common room was, quite coincidentally, empty.

Taking a deep breath and reminding himself that he was, in fact, a Gryffindor, Sirius walked up to them. "Remus, I need to talk to-"

 James stood up, ready to stop the scene that was about to take place in front of him. "Sirius, don't-"   

"It's fine, James." Remus interrupted, setting down his quill and parchment. James didn't back down right away, but with a meaningful look from Remus, he relented. 

 "Are you sure?" Asked Peter, earning a dirty look from Sirius that made him shrink back down into his seat.

Remus nodded. "Quite." For the first time in two weeks his eyes rested on Sirius. "And don't look at Peter that way, Sirius. He hasn't done anything wrong." 

Even though he was being scolded, hearing Remus say his name made his heart jump into his throat. He hardly noticed Remus asking the other two for a moment of privacy until they were both standing. James gave Sirius one last warning look before disappearing up to the dorm with Peter. 

Sirius licked his lips. He wanted to drop to his knees and beg Remus for forgiveness. He wondered briefly if that would work, but he shook the idea from his head. He couldn't do that, he had to maintain some of his pride...but if Remus asked him to....

 "Remus, I-" 

"Sirius before you say anything, I want you to know that James explained to me why you did what you did. And although I understand that you can’t always control yourself when you’re angry or upset, it doesn’t excuse the fact that you betrayed me in quite possibly the worst way you could.”

“I know, Remus, and I-”

“I’m not finished.” Remus said sternly, and Sirius cowered like a dog that’s been hit on the snout with a newspaper under his hardened glare. “I trusted you. More than I’ve ever trusted anyone, and not just with my secret…” His words made Sirius feel worse than he has ever felt in his life. He felt sick and humiliated. “You are the one person who could ever really, truly hurt me. And you did it. All because you couldn’t control your temper…” Remus shook his head. “You were selfish and careless and you could have gotten Snape, James and me killed..."

 "I...I didn't..." 

Remus stood up and Sirius never felt so small in his life as the taller boy towered over him. "Do you know what the ministry would have done to me if something happened to Snape? They would have me put down, like a fucking animal. But you didn't think about that, did you?"  

Sirius looked down, completely and utterly ashamed of himself. He didn't know what to say. 

 "Give me one good reason I should _ever_ forgive you for this, Sirius..." 

There was no reason to forgive him, Sirius knew. He said nothing. 

 Remus sighed. "That's what I thought." He shoved past the other boy angrily, heading to the stairs to the dorm. 

“Remus, wait,” Sirius finally found his voice, which had run off somewhere with his pride and confidence.

Remus paused but didn't turn around. Sirius bit his lip. “You’re right. There’s no excuse for what I did. And I…I don’t think there is a good reason for you to forgive me, really…there's not...and if you never speak to me again I would understand. But I need you to know that I would never intentionally hurt you…I always knew I was going to ruin this, Remus, because I've always known you were far too good for me…I've never deserved you.” He swallowed hard and took a breath. “I'm so sorry. I know that there's nothing I can say or...or do that will fix what I did, but I would spend every fucking minute of the rest of my life trying if you would let me." 

Realistically, the silence that followed was only about ten seconds, but to Sirius it was a lifetime. And when Remus started heading up the stairs without a word, Sirius wanted to die. But then-

“Are you coming to bed, Sirius?” Remus asked without looking back. “If you’re going to be spending the rest of your life trying to fix this, you probably shouldn't waste any time." 

Sirius let out a shaky sigh, a mix of relief and surprise, before quickly hurrying up the stairs after him. 

Up in the dorm, James and Peter sat on James’ bed having what seemed like a very in depth conversation about quidditch, but they both fell immediately silent when the other two boys entered Each of them silently head to their individual beds, and when James and Peter closed their curtains Remus patted the spot on the mattress beside him. “Sirius…come.” 

Shocked, but not about to argue, Sirius obeyed.

“I’m thrilled you lads are working things out, but I swear if I hear any make-up sex, I’ll beat the both of you with my broom!”

 Remus rolled his eyes. "Goodnight, James." He closed the curtain around them. 

"I mean it, Moony! Think of Wormy's virginal ears!" 

 "Oy! Excuse me but I've got a girlfriend. What've you got, Potter?" 

Remus shook his head and cast a silencing charm around his bed to muffle out the sound of the other two boys bickering. He slid under the covers, lifting them in a silent invitation to allow Sirius in beside him. Sirius hesitated. 

"Before I come to my senses, Sirius." Remus sighed and Sirius scrambled forward. They settled down and Sirius rested his head on the werewolf's chest, content to simply be permitted to be this close to him. 

 "Thank you, Remus..." He said quietly. 

"For what?" Asked Remus, stifling a yawn. 

"For forgiving me…“

Remus was silent for a second. "I haven’t quite forgiven you, Sirius…” He began to idly stroke Sirius’ hair. “But I know that I will eventually...Why prolong the inevitable..." He sighed. "Besides, the guilt you feel is bad enough, I'm sure." 

 Sirius sat up slightly. “Am I allowed to kiss you?” It felt strange to ask permission, and he knew that he was probably pushing his luck. He should be happy that Remus is even speaking to him...

Remus considered him for a moment, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth before he finally nodded.

Sirius kissed him, but it wasn't at all like any kiss they have ever shared. It was very soft, barely there, and so timid that Remus wasn't even sure he was kissing the same boy he’d been kissing for most of the year. And for the first time in weeks, Remus felt sorry for Sirius. Winding his hand through Sirius’ long dark hair, he pulled him close and kissed him harder. He felt Sirius relax and could sense the relief coming off the other boy.

When they broke away Remus took a moment to study Sirius’ face. He frowned “you’ve got a black eye…”

"James punched me.“

Remus raised an eyebrow, but also smiled a little "you deserved it.”

“He broke my nose.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “You should have gone to the hospital wing. You tried to mend it yourself, that’s why you’re still bruised.”

“James said if I went to the hospital wing while you were there he’d kill me.” Sirius muttered.

Remus nodded “I see…” He pulled his wand out from under his pillow and quietly mumbled some healing spell under his breath. Sirius felt the tension around his eye slowly relieve itself.

"...Thanks."

Remus kissed him first on the forehead and then on the lips. “You’re welcome,” he brushed Sirius’ hair away from his face. “I should have just let you go ‘round like that a bit longer. Made you look kind of tough…”

 "So punk rock." 

"Very. Now go to sleep." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius' nightmare sequence is heavily influenced by Tumblr's @Asktheboywholived's scene that they added on when they graciously, and amazingly, brought Sirius' runaway chapters to life. If you're on tumblr and you don't follow TT, I don't know what you're doing with your life but you should really be seeing this beautiful godly human bringing life to just about every Potter character you can possibly imagine. So go check them out.   
> If you don't already know, my tumblr is @Wolfstar-puppylove and I do post updates about this fic, as well as sneak previews and deleted smut scenes. hehe. So check that out. Thanks for reading and commenting and giving kudos! I love you all! xoxox Tara Noodle


	46. Trust - Year Five

It was hard not to notice that something had happened between The Marauders. More specifically, that Sirius Black had done something to Remus Lupin that had thrown off the entire dynamic of the group.

Rumors, of course, were flying.

"I heard he cheated on him. Everyone knows he's a huge slut anyway."

"I heard they got into a fight and Black cursed him. Can't say I'm surprised, considering his upbringing."

"It was only a matter of time before Black turned on all of them. I knew he'd never make it in Gryffindor."

"Don't listen to them, Sirius." James warned, noticing how uncomfortable Sirius had become as they walked through the hall to Defense Against The Dark Arts. "They don't know shit, and you and Moony are working things out. Just stay focused on that and your OWLs and this will pass."

Sirius nodded silently.

He and Remus were working things out, slowly. He could tell that Remus was slightly apprehensive every time Sirius would get too close or try to show some sort of affection, so he had started to back off. Instead he let Remus come to him. And Remus did occasionally, but not as much as Sirius would hope.

"It's going to take some time, Padfoot." James sighed one night after Sirius sat down beside Remus in the common room just to have the other boy stand and move a few seats over. "But you'll get there...come on, want to set off some dungbombs in the girls' lav in the dungeons?"

The corner of his mouth twitched up slightly, imagining Bellatrix going to use the loo and having dungbombs explode around her. "Yeah, sure..." He stood and looked back at Remus. "Want to come?"

"No thanks." The boy shook his head. "I've got some studying to do and a prefects meeting in a bit." He looked up from his book and smiled. "Be safe."

"Yeah, we will." Sirius forced a smile back. As he walked past Remus' chair, the werewolf grabbed his wrist and pulled him back.

Sirius bit his lip. "We'll be careful, Rem. I'm not going to get into trouble, I-"

Remus chuckled and shook his head. "Idiot. Just wanted to kiss you." He pulled him down and pressed their lips together. "Go on then. Don't get caught. Prefects meeting is in an hour on the third floor so, avoid it if you can."

This time Sirius genuinely smiled back before he headed to the dorm with James for their dungbomb stash, the map and the cloak.

Sirius was trying, and that much was very clear to the rest of them. He seemed to take a moment to think before he did or said anything to anyone. He tried not to push his luck as far as his relationship with Remus went, even if it did hurt whenever the taller boy would decide he didn't want to be too close to him. James and Peter did their best to keep Sirius distracted during those times and to let Remus have his space. Though these days Peter was often MIA, running about with his girlfriend Emmeline. This gave Sirius and James time to themselves, causing mild mischief around the castle and discussing different ways James could approach Lily Evans, since his tactics didn't seem to be getting him far.

"Have you tried just talking to her like a normal person, Prongs?" Sirius rolled his eyes as he carefully placed dungbombs under the seat of a toilet.

"Of course I've tried." Grumbled James, leaning against the stall. "In my brain, I walk up to her and tell her she looks lovely and I ask if she'd like to come out for a butterbeer. But then I open my mouth and 'OY EVANS! YOU'RE LOOKING FIT! BET YOU FIT IN MY BED!' Comes out.." He ruffled his hair and sighed. "I don't know why. Doesn't help that she looks at me like I'm toad scum."

Sirius snorted. "She thinks you're an arrogant prat."

"Yeah, but why?"

"Because you're an arrogant prat." Sirius grinned up at him as he stood and looked over his handiwork. "Think we should put a sticking charm?"

James shrugged, taking his wand out. "Couldn't hurt. Don't want Myrtle coming through and wrecking it all." He added the sticking charm and they moved to the next stall. "Aren't you pals with her all of the sudden?"

Sirius frowned. "With Moaning Myrtle?"

" _No_ , git. _Evans_!"

Sirius laughed and shook his head. "I mean, I wouldn't say we were about to go get manicures together or anything. She just doesn't have the desire to hex me on sight like she does with you." He sighed. "We just...we understand each other. She walked up on me and Regulus having a row and she broke it up and let me go without detention...she told me about her problems with her muggle sister. Now we're civil to each other out of respect." He looked thoughtful. "She and Moony are sort of close though."

"Yeah but Moony won't tell her I have great abs, I've asked him...you're a better wingman."

Sirius chuckled. "Yeah mate, I really don't think she cares to hear about your rippling Quidditch bod. Why don't you just leave the poor lass alone for a week? What's the saying? Absence makes the heart forget how much of a spaz you are?"

"I will set this dungbomb off in your pants, Padfoot." James said flatly, holding one up to show he meant it.

"Well that would be the only action my pants would be getting." Sirius mumbled.

James tilted his head and frowned. "You and Moony haven't been-?"

Sirius sighed and shook his head, performing a sticking charm on this toilet seat as well and standing up. "And I get it. He's not ready to be with me like that again...I'm lucky with what we've even got at this point and I am beyond grateful, believe me...I just...I miss him in that way..."

James nodded. "It'll get better, Sirius. Moony loves you."

"He doesn't say it anymore." Sirius muttered, feeling his chest tighten.

"He isn't ready." James said, putting his arm around Sirius' shoulders comfortingly. "But he does. He told us nearly every day when you lads weren't speaking. He wouldn't have taken you back if he didn't. It's just going to take some time to rebuild that trust. Just let him go at his pace."

"I'm trying."

"I know. And so does Moony." He tightened his arm around Sirius. "Everyone can see how hard you're trying to make this right, Padfoot. Just keep doing it. Stay focused. I believe in you, mate."

-

The prefects meeting was long and boring as usual and Remus and Lily dreaded their rounds for the night, simply wanting to return to Gryffindor tower and fall asleep.

"You're looking better at least." Lily commented as they slowly walked through the corridors. "For a while I was starting to get worried. Is everything alright?"

Remus nodded dismissively. "Everything's fine...just...well, I'm sure it's no secret Sirius and I were having an issue."

Lily worried her lip for a moment, clearly wanting to say something but unsure if she should. "Was it...I mean..." She sighed. "Was it about your lycanthropy?"

Remus' eyes widened and he choked on air. "I-what-? N-no...I...who told-?" His mind immediately went to Snape.

Lily gave him an apologetic look and shook her head. "No one told me anything, I promise." She smiled softly. "I sort of figured it out on my own a while back...I haven't said anything to anyone and I'm not going to, of course."

Remus stared at her, still panicked, but he did trust her. "Th-thanks...um..." He cleared his throat. "I guess the thing with Sirius had something to do with it." He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously.

"You don't need to tell me about it." Lily assured him gently. "But...I just wanted to make sure you're alright, that's all. You both seemed to take it pretty hard."

Remus sighed and nodded. "Yeah. We're alright...we will be, anyway. We're working on it."

They turned the corner and Remus lit his wand to light the dark corridor. It had become common for the group of Anti Muggle Slytherins to lurk in the deserted halls. Everything seemed quiet enough tonight, though. "I probably shouldn't forgive him, to tell the truth. But...I can't help it. I'm in love with the bastard." He gave a wry smirk.

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Was it that horrible? What he did...? Sorry, I don't mean to pry, but-"

Remus shrugged her off. "No, it's alright...it's actually nice to talk to someone un-involved." As he said it he realized how true it actually was. He slowly exhaled. "He just...what he did was bad, yes. But I know him. I know how much he struggles with his emotions and controlling himself...I know he wasn't thinking of the consequences and how it would affect me or anyone else." He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes, which still looked sad and tired. "He really is a good person, Lily. And he's done more for me than I could have ever asked for. He made a mistake...a big one...but when I look at it from his point of view, I can't stay mad at him."

Lily smiled and took his hand, squeezing it lightly. "I'm glad you've worked it out. He makes you happy, that much has always been clear."

Remus chuckled and nodded. "Yeah...we'll get back to where we were...I'm not quite ready to let him back in completely yet. But I know I've been very lucky to have him and Peter and James...I'm not ready to let something come between all of us, either. I never will be."

They strolled down the hall together, still hand in hand, silently enjoying each other's company.

"Speaking of James, have I mentioned he's got great abs?"

" _Again_ , Remus?"

"Sorry. I promised him I'd say it."  
-  
Remus returned to the dorm, surprised to find the curtains on all of his friends' beds closed and the sound of Peter snoring. He had expected them to be out much later. He changed into his pajamas and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He hesitated by Sirius' bed on the way back to his own and smiled at the thought of surprising the other boy by sliding in beside him. He pulled the curtain back slightly.

Panic overtook him for a second as he didn't see Sirius asleep in his bed, a million thoughts of what he could be up to on his own popping into his head. The blankets started to move and the panic was replaced with guilt as a wet, black nose poked out, followed by the rest of Padfoot's shaggy head. Remus sighed, smiling down at him. He should really start to try to have more faith in Sirius. He sat on the edge of the bed and scratched the dog behind his ear. "What're you doing, Pads?"

The dog licked his hand and emerged from the blankets, shaking off his fur before morphing back into a teenage boy. Sirius yawned. "Hey Moony."

"Hey...umm...what were-?"

A pink flush tinted Sirius' cheeks and he smiled sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. "I've been sleeping in dog form for last few weeks when I'm alone...it's just...easier." He muttered. Remus watched him sadly. He hated seeing Sirius this way, so tormented by his own guilt. But at the same time, it was necessary. Sirius had to learn to control himself of suffer the consequences. And suffering he was. Remus patted the other boy's hand softly. "Come on, let's go to my bed. Yours is covered in dog hair."

Once they were both settled and the curtains were drawn around Remus' bed, he pulled Sirius to him and kissed him firmly on the mouth. Sirius made a content sound in the back of his throat as Remus' tongue traced his bottom lip before slipping into his mouth to tangle with his own. Their lips slid slowly against each other and their bodies started to move in the same rhythm. Sirius' hand slowly traveled down Remus' chest and stomach, fingers hooking in the waistband on his pajama pants.

And Remus grabbed his wrist, breaking the kiss. "Sirius...no." He was slightly breathless, cheeks pink and lips wet and bruised. His eyes were apologetic as he moved Sirius' hand away. "I'm sorry, Sirius." He bit his lip. "I'm not ready to go back to that just yet."

 Sadness flashed through Sirius' eyes and he swallowed as he shifted to lie on his back, not looking at Remus. "Right...of course...that's...sorry, I shouldn't have..." He shook his head. "Sorry, Remus. I know it's going to take more time. I know you don't...you don't trust me-"

Remus sat up abruptly and took Sirius' hand in his. "That's not it, Sirius." He sighed. "I know how hard you're trying to give me space and let me come to terms with everything that happened in my own time. And I see you making an effort to be more conscious of the things you do and say...you're doing everything you can, just like you promised me. I can't ask you for more than that, Padfoot..." He brushed Sirius' hair behind his ear and bit his lip. "It's not you that I don't trust. It's me."

Sirius frowned and sat up. "What?"

Remus' eyes fell, slightly embarrassed, and he focused on their joined hands as he spoke his honest fears. "I...I'm not angry anymore about what happened. But there's a part of me," he emphasized. "That wants to..." He struggled, trying to find the right way to describe the constant battle he fought in his head whenever he got too close to Sirius. It had always been there; wanting to pin him down, bite him, mark him, _dominate him._ He shuddered. But since Sirius' betrayal, it seemed to have gotten stronger. The wolf wanted Sirius to know he had crossed a line and to know his place. "I don't want to hurt you, Sirius. And I don't trust myself not to right now. There is still too much pain from what happened...I'm really sorry."

Sirius' expression changed as he seemed to understand what Remus meant. He brought Remus' hand to his lips and kissed it. "That's okay, Moony. Whenever you're ready." He smiled and laid back down, bringing Remus down with him. They were quiet for a few minutes, holding each other and thinking over everything they had just said. Sirius shifted up onto his elbow.

"I love you, Remus."

Remus winced and opened his mouth to say something but Sirius cut him off. "You don't have to say it back if you're still not ready. But...I hate not saying it to you, because it's true and I want you to know it."

Remus smiled and pulled him back down for another kiss. "I do know it, Sirius. I promise. I know."

-

Things slowly began to feel normal again. Sirius continued to let Remus decide when to be close to him and when he needed space, but the time between was finally becoming shorter and shorter. It had been nearly a month, and The Marauders finally felt like The Marauders again. Sirius had become his loud and energetic self once more, though he was noticeably more cautious about exactly what came out of his mouth, and he was quick to stop what he was doing if Remus made it clear didn't approve of it.

Mostly, anyway.

There was simply no stopping Sirius sometimes, especially when paired with James and the two of them seemed to have fallen back on track as well and had returned to spending nearly all of their free time planning their next big project.

 "I can't believe Minnie gave us _separate detentions_!" Sirius huffed as they barged loudly into the dorm. "How the bloody hell are we suppose to make it through detention alone? I'll be bored!" 

Remus groaned, bringing his pillow over his ears. "That's the ruddy point of detention, you fuckwits. And must you be so loud? I'm trying to sleep." 

 James and Sirius both flinched. 

"Sorry, Moony..." James apologized, dropping his voice. "Forgot you were up here." 

It was early afternoon and Remus was trying to get some rest before the upcoming full moon that night. So far it wasn't happening. He tossed and turned all day. unable to shut off his brain and sleep. He already felt restless and trapped inside his own body. He whined and curled up further. 

Sirius cautiously approached the werewolf's bed, pulling back the corner of the curtain. "Hey, is there anything we can get you? Tea? Chocolate?" 

 At the sound of Sirius' voice, Remus growled and turned away from him. "No. Just be fucking quiet and leave me alone, Sirius." 

Sirius let the curtain fall back closed and he and James looked at each other with mild confusion and concern. They slipped out of the dorm room as quietly as they could and took a seat in the common room instead. 

"It's too bad we don't have something to bring around with us so we can contact each other from different places...they'd noticed us sending owls back and forth through the castle." James said, stretching out across the sofa. Sirius took the same position on the other end, their legs tangling together in the middle. 

 "You mean like those muggle hellophones Remus was telling us about?" Sirius asked thoughtfully. "Don't those need to be hooked up through the wall? They use...er..."

"Electricity." James supplied.

 "Right that." Sirius hummed. "So hellophones won't work." 

There was a girlish laugh and both Marlene and Dorcas's heads appeared from behind the sofa, resting on the top of the back cushion. From their disheveled hair and lip gloss, James and Sirius didn't have to guess what they had been doing behind the couch and both of the boys snorted. 

"Hello ladies," James smirked. "Have we interrupted something important? You've got your own dorm you know."

 Dorcas shrugged. "Oh we don't mind the company. We had been doing homework but, well..."

"Got a bit distracted?" Sirius winked at Marlene.

 "A bit." The blonde girl grinned at him. "Anyway, it's pronounced ' _telephone_ ', you dolt." She rolled her eyes at him. "Merlin, don't you take Muggle Studies?" 

Both James and Sirius pouted. "Oh sure, pick on the stupid, sheltered purebloods who don't know rubbish about muggles." Sirius said in a mock-hurt voice. 

Both of the girls laughed some more and Marlene perched herself on the back on the couch. "A phone wouldn't do you lads any good for what you're thinking of. You need something more like...Oh! Walkie-talkies!" 

James frowned. "Walking What nows?" 

 "Two way radios." Dorcas tried, but the two pureblood boys still didn't grasp the concept. "They're used for short range communication and such. You could be in the dungeon, lets say, and Sirius could be in the astronomy tower and you'd talk into them and the other would hear you and be able to respond." 

Sirius clapped his hands together. "Yes. That. Exactly! Think of everything we could get done with something like that, James." 

 James nodded and flashed the girls a grin. "Absolutely. We'll have to brainstorm that. Thank you, girls...er...you could go back to your...well...whatever you were doing. We don't mind." He leaned forward slightly with a devilish smirk and both Marlene and Dorcas rolled their eyes.

 "Smooth Potter." Dorcas chuckled, taking her girlfriend's hand as Marlene slid off the couch gracefully. 

"But just not smooth enough." Giggled Marlene. They wound their arms around each other's waists and headed up to the girls' dorm. Once he heard the door to their room click closed, Sirius turned back to James.

 "I'm worried about Moony." 

James sighed. "It's just PMS, he's always like that." 

 Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes. PMS meant 'Pre Moon Syndrome' in Marauder code. He shook his head. "He seems a little grouchier than usual, that's all." 

James shrugged, not meeting Sirius' eyes. "Can you blame him? I mean...last month didn't exactly go well..." He glanced up at him. Sirius huffed, crossing his arms and looking out the window at the still bright, sunny April day.

 "I guess so..." He groaned and ran his hands through his hair. "I just want things to go back to normal, James." 

"They will, Sirius." The other boy said reassuringly. "They are already! Look, I'm sure that after we have a normal full moon run out in the forest tonight, Remus will feel better and everything will go back to the way it was. We talked about this, Pads. You need to give it time." 

 "Right..." Sirius muttered.

-

By the time James, Peter and Sirius got to the shack that night, Remus was already pacing back and forth across the room. He had already shed his t-shirt and there were harsh red scratches running down his forearms. Sirius quickly crossed the room to him and took his hands, bringing them down to stop him from clawing at himself.

 "Rem, stop. We're here, it's alright." 

Remus didn't look at him. He roughly shoved Sirius off and moved away from him. "G'way, Sirius..." He mumbled, keeping his eyes downcast. 

 Sirius looked back at James who looked just as confused as he was. 

"Peter," Remus called quietly from where he now stood in the corner of the room, away from Sirius. "Could you get me some water?" 

 Peter blinked a few times, not quite knowing what to do or why Remus would ask him instead of Sirius. He was never very comfortable getting too close to Remus during the short time before the moon rose. "I...um..." He looked at Sirius, slightly panicked. Something felt wrong. Sirius took a tentative step closer again, reaching into his bag for the bottle of water he kept there. "Moony-?" 

"I asked Peter, Sirius." Remus snapped, his eyes flashing dangerously. Sirius inhaled sharply, frozen in shock from Remus' tone. He shook himself out of it and passed the water bottle to Peter who brought it to Remus and quickly went back to stand by James. 

There was a heavy silence where all they could hear was the creaking of the shack or the wind blowing outside. Occasionally Remus would make a noise of discomfort and Sirius would instinctively step forward to go to him only to have the other boy shove him away again. After about the third time, James intervened. 

 "Remus...um...is something wrong?" 

Remus didn't respond right away and from the look on his face, he was struggling to find the right words to do so. He whimpered, biting his lip. "Sirius..." 

 This time Sirius didn't move closer. He stood his ground at a distance, but he met Remus' bright yellow eyes. "Yeah, Re? What...what's wrong?" 

Remus swallowed hard, tears filling his eyes. He looked away, wrapping his arms around himself. "I want you to leave." 

 Sirius' heart dropped into his stomach and James and Peter both gasped audibly. 

"W-what?" Sirius stared at him in disbelief, hands shaking and feeling like he was going to be sick. "Y-you...why? No!" 

 "You need to leave, Sirius. Please." Remus begged him, he voice hardly above a whisper. 

Sirius didn't move. "No! I'm not leaving you, Remus-" 

"GET OUT SIRIUS! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE!" Remus would have lunged at the boy had James not immediately grabbed him and held him back. James pulled Remus aside, whispering something that Sirius couldn't hear. After a few moments of hushed conversation, James sighed heavily. "Alright..." He looked over at Sirius anxiously before stepping away from Remus.

 Sirius looked at his friend pleadingly. "J-James, what-?" 

James bit his lip. "I'm sorry, Sirius..."

 "No!" Sirius protested desperately. "Remus, please-!" 

"Sirius," James placed both hands on Sirius' shoulders. "He told me to force you out if I have to...and you know I don't want to do that to you-"

Sirius shook his head. "What-? You can't be...Are you _fucking kidding me_?" He tried to push past James but he couldn't. This couldn't be happening. "Remus!" 

"Don't make this harder on yourself, Sirius!" James said, grabbing him roughly by the arm. "Don't make it harder on any of us! Just do as you're told and not as you fucking want, for once!" 

 Sirius stopped struggling at that. He took a step back, staring at James who looked back at him with a pained expression. James didn't want it like this either. He took a shaky breath and nodded. "Okay..." He said quietly. "Alright, Remus...I'll go..." 

He heard Remus let out a sob from across the room where he was sitting on the floor with his knees to his chest and his arms tightly around himself. He did everything he could not to break down himself as he walked to the door that lead to the tunnel back to the Whomping Willow with James close behind him. 

Once he was on the other side of the door he turned around. James averted his eyes. "I'm really sorry, mate." 

Sirius nodded, his eyes burning. "Take care of him, Prongs." 

"I will." James promised with a sad smile before closing and locking the door. Sirius stood there. He couldn't move. He just stood there and stared at the door as if he could see right through it to Remus if he tried hard enough. He put a hand flat against the door...Things were never going to be the same...

A piercing scream broke him from his thoughts. He could hear the sounds of Remus' transformation starting. "Remus!" He called out to him, knowing he couldn't hear him over the sounds of his own horrific cries. Sirius' whole body shuddered as he could no longer hold back his own anguished sobbing and he fell to the muddy ground of the tunnel, slumped against the door. The screaming turned to howling and then silence. Sirius listened through the door, biting his lip to stop his own crying. He could hear Moony whimpering, whining, calling for Padfoot. Sirius shifted into dog form and laid on his belly with his nose to the tiny space between the door and the ground. He whimpered. 

The whole door shook as Moony's paws scratched at it. He barked once. Then again. Then he howled and Padfoot howled back. Then Moony's scent was gone. Padfoot sat up and scratched at the door, whining, but there was no reply. He tried again, barking, whining, howling until he eventually wore himself out and curled up on the ground. 

-

Padfoot's ears perked up to the click of the door being opened and sun light poured into the tunnel. James sighed, staring down at him blearily through exhausted eyes. "Go on,"

The dog scrambled to his feet, darting past James and nearly tripping over Peter as Sirius transformed mid run and stumbled into the room. James and Peter had already gotten Remus to the bed and Sirius practically leaped onto it. "Remus?" His voice shook. Remus didn't look well. He was almost ghostly white and there was a wound somewhere on his chest that was bleeding through the thin sheets on the bed. "Hey, Moony...wake up..." 

Peter and James were watching from across the room. They were both bruised and more tired looking than usual.

 "He tried to get to you nearly all night." Peter whispered hoarsely. "But he made us swear not to let him before we changed..." 

"He was really hard on himself. We couldn't make him stop." James was trembling, looking horrified. "It was really bad, Sirius..." 

"Fucking idiot..." Sirius breathed, staring down at the sleeping boy. He peeled back the sheet gently and winced at the claw marks and fresh bites that covered Remus' body. He grabbed his wand from his back pocket and started healing the ones he could, pausing only when he saw Remus start to stir. 

 "S'rius?" He slurred, still not fully conscious. 

Sirius forced a smile at him. "Yeah, Rem?" 

 "I'm so sorry, Sirius..." Remus mumbled weakly, barely opening his eyes. 

Sirius nodded. "I am too, Remus." His free hand went under the blanket to find Remus', winding their fingers together and squeezing gently. 

 Remus closed his eyes and sighed. "Don't leave me, okay? Stay..." 

Sirius looked back to James and Peter and nodded toward the door. James threw the cloak onto the piano. "Be safe." He said quietly, and he and Peter left. Sirius set his wand aside and slid under the blanket beside the other boy. "I'm not going anywhere." He promised. He kissed Remus' cheek and felt him smile a little. 

"Pads..."

"Yeah?" 

 "I love you too." 


	47. Changes - Year Five*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Homophobic Language  
> Gay Bashing  
> Being physically assaulted for being gay
> 
> also Smut and recreational drug use. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Yes, there is a scene you will all recognize in this chapter that I did not write. JK Rowling Wrote that particular scene, I'm writing it from a different POV so there are some minor changes and added lines.
> 
> And yes, the smut scene is from my fic The Aftermath.

"Alright," Marlene groaned as she and Dorcas climbed the fourth flight of stairs from the dungeon to Gryffindor Tower. "There has got to be a short cut. I'm so tired of these bloody stairs all the time. We're wizards for Merlin's sake! Why don't we have...I don't know, flying carpets or something to bring us to classes?" She slumped against the railing and sighed dramatically. "I can't go on any further. You'll have to carry me."

The darker girl laughed, shaking her head. "I'm not carrying you, you lazy twit. Besides, you're nearly a foot taller than I am! Why should I carry you?"

Marlene giggled and prodded her girlfriend's leg with the tip of her sneaker. "Because it was _your_ bloody idea to take Slughorn's OWL study course all the way in the dungeon. So it's your fault my legs have turned to jelly and I'll be forced to kip out all night here on the stairs." She smirked.

Rolling her brown eyes, Dorcas smiled and stepped close, standing on top toe to kiss Marlene's lips. "I suppose I'd just have to stay with you then. Can't have you sleeping alone on the stairs all night." Her hands rested on the taller girl's thighs. "Sorry about your jelly legs, love."

The blonde pouted prettily and hummed. "Whatever will you do to make it up to- oh _bloody....ugh_! I hate this castle!" She whined as the staircase began to shift and move, bringing them completely off course to the abandoned third floor. Marlene scoffed. "Lovely."

Dorcas sighed and shrugged, never one to complain and always a half-glass-full sort of person. "It is what it is. If you hadn't stopped to throw your theatrics about we'd be half way to the dorm by now you know." She took her girlfriend's hand. "Come on then."

Marlene made more frustrated noises as she allowed herself to be pulled along "Where are we going?"

Dorcas lead her down a darkened corridor. "We're going somewhere to make you stop your bitching, Marley." She teased lightly, finding an empty closet and pulling the other girl in with her. Marlene raised one perfectly shaped blonde eyebrow and smirked. "This is a closet, Dorcas."

"Very clever. Shall I give you a gold star?" Said Dorcas flatly, lighting her wand and setting it down on an empty shelf.

Marlene leaned against the wall with a smug smirk and shook her head. "Had myself a star once. Turned out we were both flaming queers." She let her eyes give the shorter girl a once over. Dorcas snorted, stepping closer and wrapped her arms around Marlene's neck. Marlene's tongue darted out to wet her lips and she smiled. "Trying to seduce me, Meadows?"

Dorcas giggled and kissed the corner of her mouth. "Perhaps a little, yeah."

Marlene sighed. "You know it took us long enough to get out of the closet, I can't imagine why you'd want to be back in-"

"Shut up and kiss me, Marley." Dorcas laughed, cupping the other girl's face and bringing her down so their lips met.

After a few minutes of what had turned into heavy snogging, Marlene pulled away abruptly, looking concerned.

Dorcas frowned. "Wha-"

"Shh...I hear someone out there." Whispered Marlene. Their eyes met and they both stifled a giggle at the idea of being caught by a prefect or a professor, snogging in a closet. " _Shh_!" Marlene hissed again as Dorcas let out a tiny squeal.

"But what if it's just Lily or Remus?" She grinned, thinking of the looks on their Prefect friends' faces, finding them like this. Marlene shook her head. The muffled sounds of someone talking outside the door were more than just two people. Something in her gut felt wrong. She held her breath.

The door flew open with a loud bang and there stood four Slytherin boys, all wearing equally sickening grins.

Mulciber chuckled darkly. "Well look what we've got here! A couple of Gryffinwhores getting busy in a closet..."

The other boys laughed and Marlene quickly grabbed her wand from her belt.

" _Expelliarmus_!" Another boy, Avery, shouted and Marlene's wand flew from her hand. Avery caught it in mid air with a smirk.

Nott came around and grabbed Marlene, holding her arms behind her back while Avery did the same to Dorcas. "And where's your wand, Meadows?" He hissed in her ear.

"Here it is," said the fourth boy, he had his hood up as he stepped past them into the closet and took Dorcas' wand from the shelf, stuffing it into his back pocket.

"Well," said Mulciber briskly, his grinning face giving both girls the chills. "Not quite the Gryffindor queers we were out looking for...lucky for me, I'm not particular..." He looked to the hooded boy. "Sorry to disappoint you, Severus. I know you were hoping to give Black and Lupin the lesson they deserve. Will these do for now?" He gestured to Marlene and Dorcas who were both struggling to get away from Avery and Nott who had stopped both girls' cries for help with silencing charms.

Severus lowered his hood and gave a dismissive shrug. "Makes no difference to me. Let it be a warning to them. Or practice for us..."

Mulciber let out a sinister laugh, shaking his head. "I've got to admit Severus, you're really starting to impress me." He turned his gaze back to the struggling Gryffindor girls before him. He tutted and shook his head. "Oh this won't do. They are far too feisty. Typical Gryffindors, we'll have to put a stop to all that squirming about. Severus, a little assistance? Since this is your magic after all."

Both Severus and Mulciber raised their wands to Marlene and Dorcas, who both watched in horror, letting out silent screams.

" _Levicorpus_!" With a flash of light from both of their wands, Marlene and Dorcas were lifted into the air upside down.

The four Slytherins surrounded them, watching with amused and taunting sneers. Mulciber looked to Snape. "So? What would you do to them next, Severus?" 

 Severus smirked, gazing up thoughtfully as he twirled his wand in his hand. 

-

James leaned against the wall just outside the Transfiguration classroom. He wondered what time it was. How much longer could Minnie possibly keep Sirius in detention when he himself had been let go from filing Filch's records a solid fifteen minutes ago. All they had done was blown up a few suits of armor...and the first years had enjoyed the fireworks once the initial scare wore off...

 Finally the door to the office opened and Sirius sauntered out. "A pleasure as always, my sweet!" He called over his shoulder and James could picture the disapproving look on the Professor's face. Sirius was still snickering as the door closed behind him.

James grinned. "Nice date with the Missus, Padfoot?" 

 "Oh lovely," Sirius sighed blissfully. "Nothing quite as romantic as sorting sewing needles from porcupine needles for an hour and a half." He held up his hands to show several bandaged fingers. "What about you?"

"Filing Filch's school records. You win." He chuckled, reaching into his pocket and passing Sirius a small plastic bag of pot. "Nicked this for us. Found it in one of Filch's drawers."

 Sirius clapped him on the shoulder. "Excellent. Moony'll be thrilled that we're finally contributing instead of smoking all of his." He opened the bag and took a whiff. He shrugged. "Moony's is better. But it'll do. Nice work, Prongs."

"As always, of course." James replied cockily. They were headed in the direction of Gryfindor tower when Sirius made an odd turn towards a different staircase. James frowned. "Where are you going?" 

Sirius took the map out of his pocket and unfolded it. "Lets find Moony and have a smoke, yeah? His rounds are nearly over." He pointed his wand at the blank parchment. " _I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good_." And the dark inky lines began to appear. Both James and Sirius grinned down at their masterpiece. "Such a brilliant idea to use that security on it." James muttered, still bewildered at their own genius. 

Sirius smirked. "I'm not just in love with Moony for his arse, mate. That boy's brain is sexy as fuck." He bit his lip. 

 James rolled his eyes and went back to scanning the map. He snorted. "Oy! Look, Wormy's in the bloody astronomy tower with Emmeline!" 

"Go Pete!" Sirius laughed, watching the dot labeled Peter Pettigrew inch closer to the one labeled Emmeline Vance. "Reckon he's got up her skirt yet?" 

 "Not on his life." James chuckled. "Where's Moony suppose to be stationed tonight?" 

"Err...fourth floor, I think. Right around-" Sirius paused, eyes going slightly wide. "Hey, Prongs take a look over here." He took his forefinger and dragged it along by the deserted third floor classrooms and rested it on two dots labeled Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadows. 

 James whistled and made a crude hand gesture with two fingers and his tongue but Sirius smacked his arm. "No...Look." his finger moved from Marlene and Dorcas to a tight huddle of dots heading down the corridor in their direction labeled Rowan Mulciber, Killian Avery, Jason Nott and Severus Snape. The group of slytherins continued closer to the two girls.

 "Let's go," James insisted hurriedly, pulling Sirius by the arm. Sirius hesitated.

"We're not suppose to get involved with Snape's shit, Prongs..." 

 James groaned. " _Now_ you suddenly want to play by the rules? _Let's go_ , Padfoot! Marlene and Dorcas could be in danger! Moony won't fault you for that!" He pulled on Sirius' arm again and this time the boy followed, folding the map and stuffing it into his pocket. 

 They quickly made their way up the stairs to the abandoned third floor corridor. Sirius paused for a moment and James skidded to a stop. "Wha-?" 

"Shh!" Sirius hushed him, listening carefully and grateful once again for his animagus form's heightened sense of hearing. He moved up against the stone wall and peeked around the corner. 

There they were. 

Two boys were holding the struggling girls while the other two spoke among themselves. Sirius strained to hear but couldn't. He motioned for James to follow and they carefully moved closer, both silently cursing the fact that they hadn't brought the cloak to detention. They ducked behind a suit of armor. 

Mulciber was speaking to a boy who still had his hood up. "Not quite the Gryffindor queers we were out looking for...lucky for me, I'm not particular..." He looked to the hooded boy. "Sorry to disappoint you, Severus. I know you were hoping to give Black and Lupin the lesson they deserve. Will these do for now?"

Sirius' jaw dropped and the color drained from his face. James stared on in disbelief. 

 "Makes no difference to me. Let it be a warning to them. Or practice for us..." Came Snape's drawling voice as he lowered his hood. Both James and Sirius' hands clenched their wands tightly, ready to attack.

 "I've got to admit Severus, you're really starting to impress me." 

" _Levicorpus_!"

The Slytherins laughed as the girls were lifted into the air with a flash of light. 

"So? What would you do to them next, Severus?"

 Snape took a step closer, twirling his wand between his finger. James and Sirius exchanged a definitive look and nodded. They jumped out from behind the armor. 

" _Expelliarmus!_ " Both Snape's and Mulciber's wands flew from their hands and landed somewhere down the corridor. Avery and Nott looked to James and Sirius, then each other and ran off down the hall. 

Sirius and James stood firmly with their wands raised and pointed at Snape and Mulciber. 

 "I suggest you take a hint from your mates and get out of our site." James snarled, eyes narrowed on Severus specifically. Mulciber smirked and raised both hands in surrender. 

"Alright, Potter." He took a step back, still grinning eerily. "We're done here. For now." He nodded to Severus. "Come along, Severus." 

 Snape was glaring daggers at Sirius who was doing his best to avoid eye contact, focusing instead on the look of relief on Marlene's face. 

" _Go_." James growled dangerously to Snape. "Or fuck what I said to Dumbledore about laying off you. Try me, Severus. I have no qualms getting expelled for your sake." 

 Mulciber took Severus by the sleeve of his robe. "We're leaving, Potter." He said curtly, and he dragged Snape away. 

James watched them until they disappeared from view before turning to help Sirius let the girls down. He set a cushioning charm on the ground while Sirius muttered a quick " _Finite Incantartum_ " and Marlene and Dorcas fell with a soft bounce. James and Sirius held out a hand to the girls and helped them up. 

 Marlene immediately wrapped her arms tightly around Sirius and he reciprocated, squeezing the girl perhaps a little harder than necessary but it was helping to calm his nerves. "You alright, Marls?" He muttered against her hair.

She nodded. "Fine." She shuddered and buried her face in his neck. " _Fuck_. How did you even find us?"  

 "Dumb luck," Sirius lied. "We were just coming out here to smoke in one of the old classrooms, right Jamie?" 

James nodded, releasing Dorcas from their own embrace. "Lucky we were. You two aren't hurt at all?" 

The girls shook their heads. 

 

"However," Marlene added, just above a mumble as they walked together back to Gryffindor tower. "If anyone wanted to give that little shit a taste of his own slime...I can't say I could argue with that." 

- 

James quickly scratched out the ornate L.E. he had doodled on his exam paper as Professor Flitwick called for the end of the allotted testing time. He stood and slung his bag over his shoulder and waited for Sirius, Remus and Peter to join him before leaving the classroom and heading straight outside. 

Sirius grinned, sliding his arm around Remus' shoulders as they walked. "Did you like question ten, Moony?" 

 "Loved it," Remus said briskly. "'Give five signs that identify a werewolf', excellent question." 

 "D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" Asked James with mock concern. 

"Think I did," Remus played along seriously. "One: He's sitting in my chair, Two: He's wearing my clothes, Three: His name is Remus Lupin-" He was cut off as Sirius leaned in and kissed him, laughing along with James. 

Peter shuffled his feet anxiously. "Er...I got the snout shape, the pupils of the eyes and the tuft tail...but I couldn't think of anything else." 

 James stared at him. "How thick are you, Wormtail? You run around with a werewolf once a month-" 

"Keep your voice down, will you?" Remus muttered, eyeing a group of nearby Slytherins as he and the others took a seat under a large beech tree. Remus pulled out a book, extending his legs out in front of him which Sirius immediately saw as an invitation. He stretched on on the grass, using his boyfriend's legs as a pillow. 

 "Well I thought that paper was a piece of cake." Sirius said proudly. "I'll be surprised if I don't get an outstanding on it." 

James grinned. "Me too." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a golden snitch, tossing it up in the air and catching it. 

 Remus frowned. "Where'd you get that?" 

"Nicked it." James shrugged, letting the snitch fly off a little before snatching it back again much to Peter's amusement. This went on for several minutes before Sirius groaned.

 "Put that away, will you? Before Wormtail wets himself." 

Remus discreetly flicked Sirius on the nose. "Bad dog." He muttered. Peter blushed and James shrugged.

"If if bothers you." He stuffed the snitch back in his pocket. 

Sirius huffed and sat up, looking over the grounds and watching the other students pass by. "I'm bored. I wish it were a full moon." 

 Remus rolled his eyes. "You might," He said darkly from behind his book. He sighed, watching Sirius as if he could see the the restlessness starting to grow in the other boys head. "We still have Transfiguration. If you're so bored, you can test me...Here." He held his book out. 

Sirius scoffed. "Oh please, Moony. I don't need that rubbish. I know it all!" 

 James laughed and shook his head at both of them before scanning over the crowds of students congregating around the yard. Then he spotted him. "I know something that'll liven you up, Padfoot...Look." He nodded his head in the direction of Severus Snape.

Sirius went still, like a dog who had spotted a rabbit, and grinned. "Excellent. _Snivellus_."

Remus gave Sirius a warning look which Sirius shot down with a significant look of his own as James slowly headed toward the Slytherin. "We won't hurt him, Moons." Sirius promised. "Just threaten him a little. C'mon, love. After what he did to Marlene and Dorcas?" 

Remus shook his head disapprovingly and picked his book back up. Sirius leaped to his feet and hurried after James. 

 "All right, Snivellus?" James called loudly. The look of panic that overtook the greasy haired boy was almost satisfying enough. None of his big scary friends were around now. Snape reached for his wand but James was much quicker. " _Expelliarmus_!" Snape's wand flew several feet and Sirius barked with laughter. 

Snape went to make a grab for his wand. James smirked and shook his head. " _Impedimenta_!" Severus' feet were swept from under him and he landed in a face plant on the ground. Other people were watching now, forming a small crowd around them. James glanced over by the lake where Marlene, Dorcas, Mary and Lily had been relaxing by the water's edge. Dorcas and Marlene had turned their attention to the scene, but kept their distance. Snape struggled, panting on the ground and struggling against invisible ties. 

"You...wait!" He growled. "You just wait!" 

"Wait for what?" Sirius asked coolly, wand still raised. "What are you going to do, Snivelly? Wipe your nose on us?" 

Severus let out a string of curses and James frowned. "Wash your mouth out." He said coldly. " _Scourgify_!" 

The other students, along with Sirius and James, laughed as pink bubbles foamed and poured out from Snape's mouth. 

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" 

James and Sirius both jumped and turned around. James' hand shot up to his hair as Lily angrily approached them. "All right, Evans?" 

"Leave him alone." Lily repeated, glaring at James with disgust. "What's he done to you?" 

James' eyes darted to the circle of students that surrounded them, landing on Dorcas and Marlene. "Well," He said. "It's more the fact that he _exists_ , if you know what I mean." 

Lily shook her head. "You think you're so funny, but you're nothing but an arrogant, bullying toerag! _Leave him alone_!"

"I will if you'll go out with me!" James said quickly, without thinking. He'd curse himself for it later, he knew. Too late now. "Come on, Evans. Go out with me and I'll never lay wand on old Snivelly again." 

Lily fumed. "I wouldn't go out with you if it were a choice between you and the giant squid." 

Sirius grimaced. "Bad luck, Prongs..." He turned back to Snape who was finally coming free of the jinx and making his way towards his wand. "OY!" He made to grab for his own wand but he was too late and with a flash of light, a gash appeared across James' face, splattering his robe with blood.

James hissed with pain, his hand coming up to his face and wiping off some of the blood there. He smiled darkly as the memory of the what Severus and the other Slytherins had done to Marlene and Dorcas flooded his mind.  _What was that spell...._

 " _Levicorpus_!" James shouted, spinning around and aiming his wand at Severus who was immediately hoisted into the air, dangling upside down with his robes flailing and exposing his greying underpants.

Sirius snickered. "Not so funny now, is it?" He whispered so only Severus and James could hear. 

 For a moment, Lily's eyes flickered to Marlene, Dorcas and Mary and she looked almost as if she were going to smile. She shook herself from it. "Let him down." She requested calmly.

"Certainly." Said James, flicking his wand and letting Snape fall to the ground. "You're lucky Evans was here to protect you." 

 "I don't need help from some filthy little mudblood like her!" As soon as the words left Snape's mouth, regret washed over his face. The crowd went silent and James and Sirius' jaws both dropped.

Lily blinked. "Fine." She said coolly. "I won't bother in the future. But you may want to change your underpants, _Snivellus_." 

James rounded on Severus again. "Apologize to Evans!" He demanded. 

 "I don't want YOU to make him apologize!" Lily shouted. "You're just as bad as he is! Messing up your hair so it looks like you've just flown a broomstick, hexing everyone that annoys you just because you can! You make me sick, Potter!" She turned and hurried away.

"Fuck." James muttered. "Evans! Hey, Evans come on!" 

She didn't look back. James shook his head. "What is it with her?" 

"Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a little conceited, mate." Said Sirius.

- 

"Lily, wait!" Severus called, walking faster down the corridor to catch up with the redhead. He hadn't meant to say what he said to her. It was all bloody Potter and Black's fault anyway. If she had just stayed out of it and let him fight his own battles, this wouldn't be happening. "Lily!"

  With a frustrated yell, Lily spun around to face him. Her emerald eyes piercing and her face nearly the same shade as her hair. "What do you want, Severus?" She snapped, fists clenched at her sides.

 

 

 

 Severus stalled momentarily, stunned by just how angry his best friend was. "I..." He licked his lips. "Listen, I didn't mean what I said-"

 Lily laughed coldly. "You didn't mean what you said? You called me a racial slur, Severus! In front of  _everyone_!"

 "But I didn't  _mean_ -!"

 "But that's what I am, isn't it, Severus?" Lily stepped closer to him. The anger in her eyes had disappeared and now she looked hurt. "Go ahead! Tell the truth! You've said it about Mary, and about countless other people who are from the same sorts of families that I am! _Didn't mean it."_ Shespat, shaking her head at him. "I can't believe I've defended you for five years, Severus! When everyone else told me you were just a vile, dark arts obsessed snake!"

  "It's Black and Potter's fault!" Severus argued, and Lily's eyes went wide.

 "Don't try to blame those two idiots for your behavior, Severus! Just because they act like immature little prats doesn't mean you have an excuse to do the same! This school yard bullying between all of you has to stop! Not to mention, they did the exact thing to you that you and Mulciber did to Mary! And To Marlene and Dorcas-!" 

 "YOU DON'T KNOW THE HALF OF WHAT BLACK AND POTTER HAVE DONE TO ME!" Severus shouted, anger now overflowing inside of him as he thought of just how much the other two boys had gotten away with against him. The fact that Dumbledore didn't even know that Black had tried to kill him with his little pet werewolf...

 Lily's body shook with anger and she glared at him. "Maybe because you deserve it, Severus." She said quietly. "Potter and Black are bullies, I can't deny that. But deep down under that, they may just be decent people. I've  _seen them_  be decent people. They'll grow out of their constant need to show off and be the center of attention. But you?" She sighed. "You'll always be a liar and a coward, following more powerful people for your own bloody protection instead of standing for what you actually believe in."

 She turned and left him standing speechless and alone.

 Lily was fuming. Never in her life had she felt so angry. And the sad part was, it wasn't Severus she was angry with. Nor was it James Potter. She was angry with herself.

Five years, she had let herself believe that Severus was a good person, her best friend, who maybe just needed some guidance. 

Five years, she ignored the warnings from her friends and brushed off the signs that she herself had seen of Severus' dark obsession and the effect it had on his behavior. 

 How could she have been so stupid as to believe that she could change that? 

 "Evans...!"

 She stopped walking and quickly wiped her eyes with her sleeve. She took a deep breath and spun around. "What do you want Potter?"

 James Potter was standing a few feet away, leaning casually against a suit of armor, but he didn't have the same cocky, arrogant expression he had only half an hour ago as he tormented Severus Snape in the court yard. He looked apprehensive. His hand shot up to his hair, no doubt by habit at this point, but he stopped in midair and lowered it. He cleared his throat. "Ev- er...Lily, sorry..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Look, I wanted to apologize." 

 Lily didn't respond, she just stared blankly at him. 

 "Er..." He continued awkwardly. "I just...I'm sorry for what just happened out there. For what I did to Sniv- ah... _Severus_...what he said was out of order, but-"

 "It's alright, Potter." Lily interrupted quietly, looking down at the floor. "I...I've been ignoring the truth behind all those things you  lot have done to him. He's not who I thought he-" she sighed and shook her head. "He's not who I wanted him to be." 

 James took a step away from the suit of armor, this time he did ruffle his hair but he kept his eyes downcast as well. "Sorry you had to find out that way."

 Lily shrugged. "It's my own fault. I knew it, really...I should have listened to everyone else."

 James chuckled lightly. "I dunno, Evans. You seem more the type to follow her own heart no matter what people tell you. Stubborn bird, you are."

 She tried to hide it, but the corner of her lips twitch up. "Oh I am indeed the most stubborn." 

 The boy snorted. "Sirius could give you a run for your money I'm sure." He rolled his eyes. "Prat would probably teach himself to fly without a broomstick just because someone told him he couldn't." 

 Lily actually laughed. "He's going to get himself killed some day."

 Potter shook his head with a lopsided grin. "Nah. Sirius will live forever out of spite. Stubborn git." He sighed and looked up at her. "Anyway, I...I had another apology as well."

 Lily gave him a look as if to give him the go ahead and he let out a deep breath.

 "Lily, I'm sorry for acting like a conceited git. And for pestering you and...Er...just...acting like, as you so eloquently put it, an 'arrogant toerag'." He smirked as she tried and failed not to giggle at that. "I will try my best not to do that to you anymore." He held out his hand. "Truce?" 

 Lily cocked her head to the side, one eyebrow raised as she stared at his hand for a moment and considered him. She took it and they shook on it. Potter went to pull his hand away but Lily held on. "Wait," she smirked. "What about all of the obnoxious date invitations? That stops as well?" 

 James chuckled, a mischievous glint in his eye. "That, Miss Evans, I cannot promise you." She groaned but he squeezed her hand. "I can promise you something different though?" 

 "Oh really?" She said smugly. "What's that?"

 He smirked. "You're eventually going to say yes." He winked and let go of her hand, walking right past her in the direction of Gryffindor tower. "Night Evans!" 

 She stood frozen, watching him leave. "Good night...James..."

-

Remus returned from his potions study group with every intention of taking a much needed, and deserved, nap. Everyone knew that OWLs were going to be stressful, and he was thankful that they had by some miracle not landed within the week of the full moon, but he felt utterly drained. Not to mention the whole scene in the court yard that afternoon. He groaned to himself. He had hoped that after what had happened between them all and Severus in March, maybe this whole rivalry would finally come to and end and there would be peace. 

 Alas, there was no peace when it came to Sirius Black and James Potter. 

 Even if Snape had deserved some sort of repercussion for what he and his friends had done to Marlene and Dorcas, and what they were rumored to be planning to do to others, Remus didn't see why James and Sirius repeatedly took it upon themselves to dole out the punishment.

 When he entered the dorm room he was surprised to find Sirius sitting on his own bed, crossed legged between Marlene and Dorcas. All three of them looked up when he closed the door.

 "Hi Remus." The girls both gave a small wave and a smile.

 Remus smiled tiredly back at them. "Hey Dorcas, Marley...er...am I interrupting?" 

 Dorcas shook her head. "No, not at all. We all just finished up studying and came up to have a chat while Sirius waited for you." 

 Remus' eyes landed on Sirius who was chewing his bottom lip anxiously. Remus smirked. "And decided to try out new eyeliner styles as well, I see?" He noted the perfectly sharpened wing tips in the corner of his boyfriends eyes. The girls both laughed. 

 "Guilty." Marlene shrugged. Remus raised an eyebrow at her and she giggled. "What? It's easier to test out on someone else first and he was a willing participant." 

 Sirius smirked. "I'm always available to be your test dummy, Marls." 

 Remus snorted. "Dummy, for sure." His eyes roamed over Sirius for a moment. Something seemed off. 

 Dorcas cleared her throat and hopped off the bed. "Well, we best be off, right Marley?" 

 Marlene blinked. "Hmm? Oh! Yes." She smiled and kissed Sirius' cheek, giving him a quick hug. "Thanks again, Sirius." She said quietly. Dorcas did the same.

  "Yeah. Really, Sirius..." 

 Sirius gave what Remus knew was a forced smile and bid both girls goodnight as they slipped out the door, closing it behind them. Once their footsteps were out of hearing range Sirius swallowed and looked up at Remus. 

 "Moony, I'm sorry." 

 Frowning, Remus placed his books down on his bedside table and looked back at the other boy. "For what?" 

 "For what happened today with Snape. I know you didn't approve-"

 "If I really didn't approve, I would have stopped you." Remus said matter-of-factly, sitting on the edge of his own bed and watching him."I'm a prefect, Sirius. If I had wanted to stop you, I would have." 

 Sirius looked unsure. "But you still haven't forgiven me for what I did and I promised I wouldn't-" 

 "Sirius, come here." Remus patted the spot next to him on his own mattress and Sirius came without hesitation, but kept his eyes downcast. Remus cupped his chin and tilted his face up. He couldn't help but smile. Sirius' eyes looked so bloody gorgeous like this... _Damn it, McKinnon..._ He sighed. "I'm not angry with you for what happened today. I mean...sure, I'd have preferred if you and James would have just let it alone, but...What Snape and those other blokes did to Marley and Dorcas, and what they've done to other students was really... _evil_." He shuddered a little. "You didn't go out looking for revenge out of anger or do something terribly dangerous. You and James just...acted like you and James, that's all." He snorted. "Not that that's great either...But you've been trying so hard, love. I see that, and I'm proud of you." 

 Sirius' lip twitched up. "Thanks Moony." 

 Remus kissed him and felt Sirius' whole body melt as he wrapped his arms around him. Smiling against his lips, Remus gently coaxed the smaller boy into his lap and laid back against the pillows, bringing Sirius down on top of him. Sirius shifted his body so that he was straddling Remus' hips.

 Remus teasingly ground up against him and Sirius moaned with a need that hadn't been met in nearly two full months. Breaking from his lips, Remus kissed down the line of Sirius' jaw to his ear. "I forgive you, Sirius." 

 Sirius groaned. "Why is that the sexiest thing I have ever heard?" His hips snapped down to meet Remus' and suddenly they were both very aware of how much clothing was between them. Remus quickly pulled the curtain shut around them and they both began to fumble with buttons and zippers, desperate to feel each other's skin again and tossing everything carelessly aside. 

 Once those pesky clothes were out of the way, they sat for a moment, allowing their eyes to hungrily eat up every inch of each other. Sirius’ hands traveled from Remus’ hips, up his sides and back down his chest. He took note of every new scar, painfully thinking to himself: _these are my fault. I did this to him_.

 Noticing that the lust in Sirius' eyes had begun to fade into guilt, Remus grabbed him firmly by the chin once more and pulled him into another kiss. Then, in a swift movement that pulled a gasp of shock from the dark haired boy, Remus flipped them. His hands found Sirius' and he pinned the boys arms up over his head. He felt Sirius grin against his lips. 

  "Love it when you get all dominant, Moony..." Sirius sighed, arching beneath him. He knew Sirius enjoyed it on the rare occasions that it had ever happened, usually around the full moon. But it had always made him a little nervous to give into the the primal instinct that the wolf part of his brain always fought for. However...He has had an idea playing around in his head for quite a few weeks...

 “Do you?” he ground his hips down again and heard Sirius inhale sharply. “Well that’s very good Sirius, because although I may have forgiven you, I think I may have thought of a solution to your little self control problem…and I think you’re going to like it.”

Sirius quirked an eyebrow and smirked. “Oh? And what might that be?” his voice was playful as he wiggled his hips teasingly under Remus’. However, Remus didn't laugh and tease him back like he usually did. He tightened his grip on Sirius' wrists.

“You know Sirius,” he said, keeping his tone a little too casual as he removed one hand from Sirius’ wrists and trailed it down his body so tortuously slow, stopping right above where Sirius craved contact the most and making the boy shiver. "You really have been behaving so well lately...you've been very... _obedient_." He wrapped his long fingers around Sirius’ length, causing him to whimper softly and arch up. “It’s actually been kind of nice…” 

Sirius swallowed hard. “O-oh?” the playfulness was gone from his voice. Now there was only desperation, mild curiosity and just a touch of nervousness.

“I’m curious,” The silkiness of Remus’ voice shocked both of them. “Just how obedient can you be?” His fingers slipped teasingly lower, lower...

“ _Fuck_ , Moons that’s hot…” Sirius panted, squirming slightly

“Hush. Stay.” Remus was suddenly gone from on top of him and Sirius let out a frustrated groan.

 “Mooooonyyyyyyy…”

“Just wait, Padfoot. Have patience.” Remus’ voice had returned to normal as he rummaged through his trunk.

Sirius propped himself up on his elbows with a pout. “What are you doing, Re?”

Remus shrugged. “...Improvising.” He came back holding a Gryffindor tie and his wand. His head tilted to the side and he frowned “I believe I told you to stay.” Sirius scrambled back into position and Remus resumed his place on top. 

He took the tie and used it to secure Sirius’ wrists above his head, smirking at his own handiwork. “Now then…” his voice had gone husky and deep again, but he still somehow managed to sound as if he were casually teaching a lecture instead of driving his boyfriend mad with sex games. Sirius shivered. “It’s quite clear that you need to learn some self-control, Sirius.” He took his wand and cast a lubricating spell, making Sirius whimper from the cold, slick feeling and the horribly wonderful anticipation. 

“Don’t you agree?” He slipped one finger easily into him and reveled at the sight of Sirius arching up and moaning. He frowned and sat up slightly. “I asked you a question Sirius.”

“I…Ahhh….fuck…Y-yes…I agree…”

Remus hummed thoughtfully. “Y’know what…Since I think you need to learn a little bit about respect, I think I’d like you to respond with _‘Yes, Sir_ ’…” his eyes flicker up to meet Sirius’ for a moment, his voice still tortuously casual.  “And let’s be honest, what you did to me was a massive disrespect, yes?”

Sirius only whined in response. His cheeks flushed, his eyes glassy and his lips dark and bruised from kissing and biting.

Remus wanted to just forget all of this and ravish him…But the idea in his head was just too good and the wolf part of his brain wouldn't relent until Sirius was put in his place...and if Remus was completely honest, Sirius did need to learn, and this may have been the only way to teach him. 

“Answer me, love. Did you disrespect me?”

 “Y-yes…”

“Yes?”

“ _Yes Sir_.”

“Good boy.” Both of them felt a flutter in the pits of their stomachs. This was hotter than either of them had imagined. It took a moment for Remus to be able to speak again, distracted and turned on by Sirius writhing beneath him, helpless and submissive. “A-and you agree," His voice fails him for a second and he clears his throat, trying to sound authoritative again. "You agree that you need to learn to control yourself?”

 “Yes Sir.” Remus twists his wrist and hits that spot inside Sirius that makes him sob with need. 

 “Do you want to submit to me, Sirius? Do you want me to teach you to control yourself? To respect me and everyone else?”

“Yes Sir….oh _fuck, please Remus_ …please just…fucking-" 

"Shh." Remus snapped, only because the sound of the other boy begging was becoming so very distracting. He nudged Sirius' knees apart, positioning his hips for what they have both been dying for. He wanted to drag this out longer. He wanted to drive Sirius crazy first. He wanted to deprive him of touching and kissing and show him what it meant to not get what he wants when he wants it...But he's also a teenage boy himself. And He has needs. And right now he needed nothing more than to feel his boyfriend around him, to feel complete with Sirius again. 

The teaching can wait. The punishment can wait. He just wanted Sirius to be his once more. Pressing up against Sirius he tried to maintain the Dominant air he had adapted. “I’m going to give you what you want, but I mean it…not just in bed.” His eyes flashed dangerously and his grabbed a fistful of his boyfriend's thick black hair, making him gasp. “You will do as I say. You will behave the way I tell you to…do you agree, Sirius?”

“Yes Sir...Remus, please...I love you." Sirius gazed up at him, desperate for him 

 Remus broke for a moment and smiled. "I love you, Sirius." He plunged into him and they both moaned loudly. Keeping Sirius’ bound hands above his head, Remus thrust into him fast and hard and they both know they won’t last long. After a very short while, they both finished with each other's names on their lips, which Sirius followed with a string of impressive swear words, and they collapsed in a tangled, sticky pile of limbs, panting heavily. 

Remus reached up to untie Sirius’ wrists. Once freed, Sirius pulled Remus to him and kissed him lovingly. When they broke away Remus blushed nervously. “Was that weird?”

Sirius shook his head, nuzzling Remus' neck. “No.”

“And you’re okay with it?”

Sirius was silent for a moment, taking it all in now that his mind had settled. “Yes,” he kisses Remus’ sweaty forehead. "You're so bloody hot like that, Remus. I know you don't like to let that part of you out when we do things but-" 

Remus shook his head, smiling a little. "No...I liked it, actually...I...I like that you trusted me so easily." He bit his lip. 

Sirius pulled him close and kissed his lips briefly. "I trust you with everything, Remus. I promise. I know you won't hurt me, even if you don't know it. And maybe you're right about this whole control thing..." He snickered teasingly. "You're a pretty good teacher, Professor Lupin." 

Remus laughed and rolled his eyes as he snuggled up against the other boy, draping an arm over him. "Get some sleep, Sirius." 

Sirius smirked. "Yes Sir." 

“FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN’S SAGGING BALLS! FOR THE LAST SODDING TIME! _SILENCING CHARMS_! IT’S NOT A FUCKING DIFFICULT REQUEST, MATES!”

Remus’ eyes snapped open and he blushed furiously.

Sirius erupted into laughter. “Sorry, Mate…Thought you were still off studying!" 

“Gahhhhhhhhh I’ll never unhear the things I just heard! You’ve gone and sent poor Pete ‘round the bend. He’s unresponsive. Pete! Peter can you hear me?! Are you still with us, mate? He’s bloody lost it because of you two and your kinky sexploitations! IT’S GOING TO BE OKAY PETE!”

 

 


	48. Home - Summer 1976

James was lying on his stomach on the floor of the dormitory, the top half of his body submerged under his four poster, rummaging through crumpled papers and candy wrappers and making sure he wasn't missing anything that should be packed away to return home. Missing socks, broken quills-

  "Oy, has anyone seen my broom polish?" He called to the other three boys. 

 

"If you weren't such a bloody disaster you'd know where it was." Sighed Remus, closing his own fully packed trunk and crossing the room to James' bed. He opened the drawer on the other boy's bedside table and rolled his eyes, picking up the jar. He gave James a swift kick to the hip. "It was in your drawer, prat. Y'know, where it should be." He smirked as James wiggled his way out from the abyss that was under his bedframe. 

"I checked there!" Insisted James, sitting up and taking off his glasses to clean off the thin layer of dust. 

 Peter chuckled, throwing balled up t shirts into his trunk hat he didn't feel like folding. "You need a better prescription on those specs, mate." 

James grumbled some swears and flipped a finger at Peter as he tossed the the jar of broom polish into his own luggage. Peter had moved on to trying to force his overflowing trunk closed to no avail. James snorted. "Need help, Worm?" He walked over and inspected the boys belongings. "Haven't you heard of folding? You wouldn't have this issue..."

 Remus shook his head at both of them and then looked to Sirius' bed. He frowned. The dark haired boy was sitting up against the headboard of his bed, hugging his knees to his chest and eyes looking vacant. With a quick glance back and James and Peter, who were both sitting on top of Peter's trunk it an attempt to keep it shut, he sat down beside his boy friend. At a closer inspection, he could see that Sirius' body was ridged and his nails, currently donning chipped black varnish, were digging into the skin on his arms. His breathing was shallow and quick. He was having a panic attack. 

Remus quickly shut the curtains around them. "Padfoot?" Sirius didn't answer and Remus licked his lips nervously. "Sirius, it's okay." He tentatively reached out and touched Sirius' arm. "Hey, love...talk to me..."

"I can't go back." Sirius whispered.

Remus frowned. "Back where, Pads?"

"Home. I...I can't go home...." Sirius muttered shakily. 

 Not wanting to startle him when he was already panicking, Remus scooted a little closer. "Sirius, is it alright if I touch you? I just want to hold you...let me take care of you, love..."

 Sirius nodded slowly and Remus gently pulled him into his arms and started stroking his hair. "Breathe, Padfoot...it's okay."

"I can't go back there, Moony-"

 "Who says you're going back?" James had pulled back the curtain a bit. He sat on the edge on the bed. "You're coming home with me, you git." 

Sirius closed his eyes, concentrating on his breathing. He shook his head. "Can't just stay with you forever, James-"

"Bullocks." James said firmly. "Come on, Padfoot. You think we would ever let you go back to that house? Don't be stupid." He smiled and put his hand on Sirius' knee. "Mum's already got your room all set up for you, mate. Stop thinking about it. You've got a home, Sirius. With me." 

 "Oh bloody fucker!" Peter yelled, making James, Remus and Sirius all jump. 

"Peter is everything-" James made a face which both Sirius and Remus copied almost instantly as a rancid smell filled the air. "Damn it Wormy! I told you not to pack all that shit into your trunk that way! The dungbombs have gone off!" He groaned and got up to help Peter.

 Remus gagged at the smell and picked up his wand to clear the air around Sirius' bed before he leaned back against the headboard, bringing a slightly more relaxed Sirius against his chest. 

 "See? Nothing to stress about, Pads." He kissed the top of his head. "We've got you."

-

Sirius couldn't be more thankful to The Potters, who continuously reassured him that it was no trouble at all and they were more than happy to have him. When he arrived at the house and dragged his trunk up the stairs to the guest room, he nearly fell over in shock. 

 The guest room had been completely transformed. What once had resembled a royal suite in a fancy hotel was now a bedroom much more suited towards a 16 year old boy. And more specifically, towards Sirius. Red and black curtains over the large bay window matched the sheets and bedspread on the plush, queen size bed and the walls were almost completely covered in posters featuring Queen, The Beatles, Iggy Pop and Bowie, with some room left to do as he pleased. And to top it all off, a large Gryffindor banner hung just over the headboard of the bed. 

 A hand on his shoulder broke him from his daze and he heard James chuckle. "Mum and dad wrote me last month to ask what you'd like. What d'you think?" 

Speechless, Sirius stood there with his mouth agape gazing at sight before him and unable to process that this was all for  _him_.

Finally composing himself, he spun around and flung his arms tightly around his best friend. "Thank you." 

James laughed and hugged him back. "Welcome home, mate." 

James and Sirius spent the first three days home rearranging the room, setting up Sirius' record player and covering every bit of spare wall in photographs of the Marauders, until finally Mrs. Potter had had enough of them blasting The Beatles (and singing off key) and sent them outside to enjoy the summer weather. 

It took three full weeks before Sirius finally stopped uttering 'thank you's for every tiny thing James or his parents did. He couldn't help it. He felt like a stray dog that they had let in from the rain, but would tire of him once the novelty wore off and he tracked mud all over the carpets or something. 

Once he finally stopped the urge to vocalize his gratitude, he decided simply to show it in other ways. He flat out refused to take advantage of the Potters' hospitality and kindness towards him, and had taken responsibility of half of James' chores, as well as asking Fleamont and Euphemia if he could help with anything whenever they were busy around the house.

 "You're starting to make me look bad, mate." James joked with him one afternoon, sun tanning in the grass while Sirius organized the old shed for Mr. Potter while he was at work.

 Sirius rolled his eyes as he pulled a large crate out from under a pile of lumber. "Look, I don't want to seem like some ungrateful brat who ran away from home just to mooch of your family, alright?" He took off his t shirt, using it to wipe the sweat and dirt from his face. 

 James brought himself up on his elbows. "Pads, we all know you're grateful. I'm just saying you don't have to go overboard. You're family, Sirius. Same blood, remember?" He lifted his hand, showing the faded white scar across his palm that matched the one on Sirius'. 

 Sirius smiled a little. "Yeah, mate. I know." He let out a puff of breath and stared down at the crate he had been struggling to open. "I think it's magicked shut. Merlin, I can't wait to turn seventeen. Reckon your mum's got something to pry it open with?" 

 James shrugged. "Maybe. Oy, if you're going inside, d'you think you could nick something cold to drink out of the kitchen? It's bloody hot."

 "Lazy arse. You're just sitting there baking-"

James chuckled. "Oh man I wish we were baking...I miss Moony and his bloody weed. How many days til he comes out?" 

Sirius smirked and rubbed the back of his neck. "Five." He licked his lips. "Five days, three hours and," he glanced up, calculating the position of the sun. "47 minutes." 

James shook his head. "Ah, young love..." He laid back down. "Pathetic twats." He flung his arm over eyes to shield the harsh sunlight. "So yeah, something cold to drink. Oh! And see if you can weasel some treacle tarts out of Trinket! I'm starving."

 Sirius rolled his eyes once again and headed back into the house towards the kitchen. He was startled to see that it wasn't only Trinket working at the stainless steel counter tops, but Mrs. Potter was also there, a flour covered apron tied around her waist and holding a large mixing bowl. She turned and smiled at him. "Hello Sirius. You boys enjoying yourselves?"

He smiled back. "Of course." His curiosity peaked, having never seen his own mother step foot in the kitchen, let alone bake something, and he stepped closer, craning to see what she was doing. She noticed and laughed softly. 

 "There's an annual ministry banquet tomorrow evening. Horribly boring, big to-do sort of event. Every year someone different hosts and, wouldn't you know it, this is our year." She sighed and shook her head as she continued to mix. "It's a large crowd and a lot of food and I'm not fond of making Trinket do it all on her own. I'd have rented a few extra elves, I may tomorrow to help serve, but I do enjoy doing the baking myself so..." She shrugged.

 Sirius took another tentative step closer. "What are you making?" 

 "Nothing too fancy. Chocolate cake" She poured the batter into the pan and held out the spoon to him. "Here."

He frowned, confusion etched across his face. Euphemia laughed lightly. "You've never licked the spoon after baking?"

Sirius bit his lip, feeling rather sheepish. "Er...well...there wasn't much of that going on when I was a kid I suppose." 

The smile faded just a little from Mrs. Potter's pretty face and she sighed, nodding to the wooden spoon that she still held out. Sirius took it from her and, feeling a little silly, licked the sweet tasting batter from it. He laughed and handed it back to her, feeling his cheeks heat up slightly as she smiled fondly at him. 

 "Sorry, dear. Did you need something?" She asked, sliding the cake pan into the oven.

Sirius blinked for a second, then remembered. "Oh! Er, yeah...well, James is being a lazy git and sent me to fetch drinks." He and Mrs. Potter both shared an exasperated look and she went to the fridge, pulling out two chilled bottles of butterbeer and handing them to him. "Also," He went on, "We found this big crate in the shed that won't open and I wanted to know if you had something to open it with?"

Euphemia looked thoughtful. "Hmm, must be a box of James' grandfathers things. I don't think there's anything too interesting in there but..." She rummaged around in a drawer for a second and handed him a key. "That will open anything as long as it hasn't got any extra security charms on it." 

Sirius grinned. "Great, thanks mum-!" As soon as the words left his mouth, the color drained from his face and his eyes bulged. He blushed furiously and swallowed. He opened his mouth to stutter out some sort of humiliated apology, but before he could he found himself being pulled into tight, warm embrace by the woman. He relaxed and leaned against her, returning the hug and feeling, for the first time, like he was really home. 

After a minute, Euphemia pulled back and kissed his cheek. "Go on, then. You mustn't leave James to die of dehydration out there." She laughed. Sirius smiled and nodded. "Right. Of course." She gave him a plate of freshly baked tarts and sent him back outside. 

James had apparently grown tired of waiting and was floating in the lake by the time Sirius returned.

 "Took you long enough." He grinned as he dragged himself out of the water in nothing but his boxers.

 "I was talking to your mum," Sirius explained, uncapping a bottle of butterbeer and handing it off to him. "She was helping Trinket bake for some banquet tomorrow." 

James groaned, plopping back down in the grass and taking a sip. "They're having it here?  _Fuck_."

Sirius could understand the frustration. He was very familiar with High Class Wizarding events and just how stuffy and boring they could be. Of course he was sure a Ministry banquet at The Potters' wouldn't be nearly as dreary as any Pureblood Elitist gathering that The Blacks had ever forced him to attend. There was certainly a significantly smaller chance of anyone being hexed over the dinner table or that he'd be locked in his room for three days without supper for not wanting to kiss his Great Great Great Uncle's creepy ring, that he was absolutely positive was cursed (an ancient family heirloom that he was suppose to receive once the old man finally croaked...which each year seemed more and more likely. What was he? 208?)

He shuddered. 

He'd take a boring stuffy ministry dinner over a family reunion any day. 

"So did mum say anything about that crate?" James asked, tearing him from his thoughts 

"She said it's a bunch of your grandfather's things and it's probably nothing. But she gave me this," he held up the key. "Want to take a look?" 

James shrugged. "May as well." He took a long swig from his bottle and got up, striding lazily over to the wooden crate with Sirius. They both inspected it curiously. There didn't seem to be a lock. "How is a key suppose to open something without a lock?" James frowned. 

 Sirius sighed and scratched his head. "Dunno...I mean, it  _is_  a magic key, isn't it? And it's been locked  _by_  magic. Maybe it works like a wand?" He sunk to his knees in front of the box and simply tapped the top of it with the iron key. 

 A warm yellow glow surrounded the crate and with a high pitched creaking sound the lid fell open. 

 "Of course it's that simple." James muttered, shaking his head. 

Mrs. Potter had been right. It was mostly just old junk. There were several sets ancient looking dress robes that must have been fashionable at some point in history, but had clearly seen better days and were half moth eaten. Sirius found an entire set of fine china that seemed to have never even been touched.

 "That's the whole point of fine china, isn't it?" James remarked. "You get it as a wedding gift from some old relative and you put it away and tell yourself you'll use it when you've got company, but then when company comes over, you're like 'oh no! Not the fine china!'...that's how you know you're finally a real adult, you've got this expensive fucking china you never use."

Sirius snorted and placed the delicate set aside carefully before plunging back into the crate. There were a bunch of old Prophet articles, including one, dated 10/31/1918 that featured Henry (Also known as Harry to friends and family) Potter's controversial views on the then- Minister of Magic, Archer Evermonde's decision to forbid the Wizarding Community from aiding Muggles during World War I. 

Sirius was about to toss it away, but James grabbed it. "That's why my family didn't make it to the _Sacred Twenty Eight."_ He said dramatically. "People reckoned we must have tainted blood somewhere if grandad was so intent on helping them." 

 Sirius rolled his eyes. "You're not missing out, trust me." He smirked. "You should frame that. Be glad you're not on that ruddy list." 

James carefully folded the article and put it with his clothes to bring inside later. He pulled what looked like an old, round hatbox out of the crate and opened it. "Hey mate, take a look." Sirius scooted closer. There were some old photographs (James looked strikingly like his grandad. Right down to the wonky mess of hair), a decorative cigarette case, and old tobacco pipe. Sirius quickly snatched up the case and pipe and James raised an eyebrow. 

"What? It's bloody cool." Sirius shrugged, pulling his cigarettes out of his back pocket and shaking them out of their carton. 

 James smirked. "I can't see you smoking a pipe, mate." 

"It's for Moony." Sirius muttered defensively. James shook his head and Sirius threw his empty carton at him. "Moony'll like it! Stop being such a twat, Potter. Wait until you get yourself a relationship. I'm going to bloody torture you." 

James laughed and held up his hands in surrender. "I'm only teasing you, sheesh. And yeah, Moons will definitely be into that. I always say he's an old man in a teenager's body." 

 Sirius gave him a sly grin. "You wouldn't be calling him an old man if you knew how brilliant he was at sucking c-"

"Alright, Alright! Too much!" The other boy shuddered and put his focus back on the crate. "Hmm...These are kind of cool." His top half disappeared almost completely as he dove back in, emerging with two identical, beautifully silver hand mirrors. He held one out for Sirius to see for himself and out of habit, Sirius recoiled. James frowned and Sirius shook himself.

 "Sorry." He laughed nervously and cautiously reached out to take the mirror. "Just...In my family if something looks that old and that expensive it'll probably hex, curse or maim you on contact." He let out a breath as the mirror did none of the above.

 James' eyes lit up and he made a funny little noise in his throat. Sirius knew that routine like he knew the back of his hand. James had an idea. "Out with it, Potter."

James grinned. "Alright, remember how we were talking about ways to contact each other when we're in different parts of the castle and the like?" 

 Sirius nodded slowly, not quite catching on, but James was practically bouncing.

"What about these? I'm sure we could charm them somehow! They're small enough that they'll fit in our pockets and-" 

 "Yeah, that'll show Evans how not conceited you are, carrying a mirror in your pocket." Sirius snickered. James leaned over and smacked him in the head. 

"Fine, fuck you Black. I didn't hear any clever ideas from you on the matter. Though I hardly imagine giving you another way to gaze lovingly at yourself is the best idea either, you peacock."

 "Oy!" Sirius punched him in the arm and the two spent the rest of the afternoon wrestling in the grass until Euphemia called them in for supper.

-

Sirius was standing in front of the full length mirror in his bedroom.

He grimaced at his reflection. "I hate dress robes." He muttered, tugging at his tie. He felt confined, trapped, he may as well be wearing a straight jacket. 

 There was a  _click_ and a flash and he spun around to see James cackling madly, holding his father's camera. "Aw you look so handsome though, Padfoot!" 

Sirius growled and lunged at him. "You arse! Give me that!" He tackled the other boy onto the bed, hands reaching desperately for the photograph the messy haired boy had snapped. 

 "No way!" James laughed, fighting him off. "I'm sending it to Moony!" 

"James!" Sirius whined as James wiggled out from under him and stood up on the mattress, holding the picture high above his head and well out of the much shorter boy's reach. Sirius huffed and folded his arms. "Shouldn't you be getting ready? Where are your dress robes?" 

"Mine didn't fit right so mum's having Trinket alter a pair of dad's for me." He tapped Sirius on the head with the newly developed photo. "Some of us actually grow, you know." 

 "Haha, very funny. I'm short." Sirius deadpanned. Then he smirked and swiftly kicked his leg just behind James' knees, successfully knocking the boy off his feet. "I'll take that." He said smugly, snatching the picture from him and hopping off the bed. There was a knock at the door and Mrs. Potter entered with James' dress robe on a hanger. She sighed upon seeing both boys, breathless and mussed. She hung James' robes on the door.

 "James, please. I've told you six times to comb your hair and Sirius," She shook her head and approached him, tutting in disapproval. Sirius felt himself blush as she fussed over fixing his robes and he heard James snickering. Euphemia used an anti-wrinkling charm on Sirius' robes. "Honestly, you're both nearly of age. Must I tell you not roll around in your good clothes?" 

"He started it." Both James and Sirius muttered accusingly. 

"Boys." She breathed in exasperation, fixing Sirius' tie. When she was satisfied, she gave him a warm smile and kissed his cheek before moving on to pester James about using Sleekeazy's to fix that mop on his head for the night at least, which James loudly continued to refuse.

Two hours and a bottle and a half of Sleekeazy's later, the boys were standing in the Potter's Grand Hall among the most influential and high standing members of the wizarding community.

"See?" James whispered as he plucked an hors d'oeuvre from the tray of a passing house elf. "Company's here...no one's using the bloody fine china. I'm telling you, Padfoot. We could hoc the entire set and buy ourselves brand new racing brooms and no one would ever notice they were missing..." 

Most definitely a stuffy and exceedingly dull event, James and Sirius could think of about a thousand other things they'd rather be doing than being chatted up by pompous ministry folk who only seemed interested in their grades and if they were looking at jobs in office once they graduated. 

 "James and Sirius both have top marks, I assure you." Came the familiar voice of Albus Dumbledore from behind them, interrupting a toadlike woman who seemed to be quite partial to the color pink, judging by her robes. The headmaster laid a hand on each of their shoulders. "But I don't think politics are for either of these fine boys, Dolores." 

The woman, Dolores, gave Dumbledore an unfavorable look and cleared her throat. "Well, Albus, I was merely suggesting. Times being the way they are these days, we need the best minds Hogwarts can offer, don't you think?" She had an eerily fake smile that made both James and Sirius want to force feed her a handful of dungbombs. 

Dumbledore returned the smile, although his was quite a bit more pleasant. "Times being the way they are, Ms. Umbridge, I'd say the best minds Hogwarts has to offer would be best suited elsewhere." He squeezed both boys' shoulders. "Sirius, James, a word...?" 

They both nodded wordlessly, thankful for a reason to step away from Dolores Umbridge, and allowed the older wizard to steer them away.

 " _Hem hem!"_ The obviously forced falsetto of a voice rang and Dumbledore turned only his head to address the woman. "Albus, while I have you here...I've been meaning to ask...I didn't see your name on the petition for the enforcement of halfbreed regulation laws?" She giggled girlishly.

James and Sirius' jaws both dropped, Sirius' fists clenched and he made a move to turn and face the squat little woman, a slew of clever swear words prepared to tumble out of his mouth, but the Professor's tightened grip on his shoulder warned him not to. 

 "That's correct, Dolores." Said Dumbledore casually. "You did not. Have a lovely evening. Boys? If you'll come with me..." 

Dumbledore lead them into the next room and Sirius couldn't hold back his disgust any longer. "Who does that cow think she is?" He asked angrily, pushing a hand through his hair. "What petition? What laws are they trying to set against-" 

 Dumbledore calmly put a hand up to silence him. "Dolores Umbridge is a social climber who's been trying to work her way up to the top of the Ministry of Magic. She's part of a large percentage of officials who have very...conservative views-" 

 "Bullshit views is what they are." Sirius spat, visibly shaking now. 

"Sirius, relax-" 

 "How could you tell me to relax, James? That toad wants to set laws against Remus-!" 

Dumbledore shook his head, fixing Sirius with a firmly reassuring stare. "Sirius, there are plenty of people fighting against the petition as well...In fact, there are plenty of people fighting against a lot of things the ministry is trying to do. I promise you, Remus will be just fine." 

 Not fully comforted by the headmaster's words, Sirius huffed in annoyance, but agreed to drop the subject just as Mr. Potter entered the room. 

"Ah, Albus! How are you, Sir?" He smiled broadly and shook the older man's hand.

 "Very well, Fleamont. Just having a word with James and Sirius." His blue eyes twinkled, flickering again to his students. 

Fleamont grinned back. "Excellent, well, I'm sorry to steal them away from you Albus but there are some people I'd like to introduce them to." 

Dumbledore nodded, humming pleasantly as he did. "Of course, Fleamont. I was actually just going to find that house elf with the sherry. Excuse me." He bid James and Sirius farewell and moved on into the hall. 

 Sirius's mind was still reeling from what that vile little woman had said even as he followed James' parents into the grand hall. What laws did she want to pass? What sort of regulations did they want to put on halfbreeds? Remus always talked about how difficult it would be to find a job after school. Sirius couldn't imagine what more they could possibly do.

 "Sirius," James hissed, elbowing him in the ribs. "Oy. Pads!" 

"What?" Sirius asked, dragging himself out of his thoughts.

 James jerked his head to the left, in the direction of a grizzly looking man who was drinking from a flask. He had a fake leg and as they drew closer, Sirius could see he had one beady, dark eye and one large, round, electric blue one. "D'you know who that is, mate?" James whispered excitedly. He did know.

"Ah, Alastor!" Said Fleamont briskly. The scary looking man grunted in response, his blue eye spinning wildly before it landed on Mr. Potter.

 "Fleamont. Pleasure of course." He nodded curtly to James' dad and then to Mrs. Potter. "Evening Euphemia. You've outdone yourself, dear."

"Thank you, Alastor." Said Euphemia as she ushered both James and Sirius ahead of her and her husband.

 "Boys," Fleamont said with a smile. "This is Alastor Moody, head of the Auror department. Alastor, our sons;  James and Sirius."

Sirius felt pride surge throughout his body like never before. He barely heard what anyone was saying around him even as he reached forward to accept Mad-Eye Moody's firm handshake. He could only hear Fleamont's words over and over in his head.

_Our sons; James and Sirius._

This was his family. 

 

 

 


	49. London Calling Part 1 - Summer 1976

"Do you give up?" Remus asked smugly, wearing a satisfied smirk as he pinned his friend to the floor.

 "Nngg...Never!" Refused James, struggling to flip them over. Sirius and Peter were perched on Sirius' bed watching the wrestling match with the utmost amusement. The rain was pounding hard on the bay window and they had run out of indoor activities hours ago when James had bet he could beat any of them in a scuffle. 

 Sirius shook his head, grinning widely. "I told you not to challenge Moony, mate." 

 "This...ugh! This is ridiculous!" James squirmed, clearly getting frustrated as Remus seemed to not even be trying.

 "Aw, you can do better than that, Prongs." Remus chuckled, who hadn't so much as broken a sweat. "C'mon, where are all those amazing Quidditch muscles you keep bragging about?"

 "How much do you bloody weigh?" James huffed breathlessly, still stubbornly trying to maneuver himself out. 

"165. Doesn't matter. Werewolf strength, mate. You might as well just give up before you pass out." 

With a groan of defeat, James went limp under him. "Fine! I give." 

 Remus got up and brushed himself off. James sat cross legged on the floor and Sirius tossed him his glasses, snickering under his breath and shaking his head. 

Remus held out his palm. "Five galleons?"

James grumbled, reaching into his pocket and shoving the gold into his friend's hand. "Prat." 

Remus laughed. "You're the arrogant prick that bet he could beat  _any_  of us."

"I figured Sirius would be the one to volunteer first." James admit sulkily. Sirius looked mildly offended, but he didn't say anything.

 "Yes, well, I figured your ego could use a little deflating." Remus shrugged. 

Peter nodded, grinning to himself and reaching into the pile of snacks on Sirius' bed for a cauldron cake. "That's your official title, Moony.  _Ego Deflater,_ for these two twats." 

 "He takes his job quite seriously." James muttered, straightening himself out.

"Someone's got to do it." Remus sighed dramatically, flopping down on the bed and resting his head on Sirius' knee. Sirius broke off a piece of the honeydukes finest he was munching on and fed it to the other boy without taking his eyes off the letter he was reading.

 "Who's that from?" James asked, joining the others on the bed. 

"Marlene." Sirius muttered. "The girls have been staying at her's for the summer and they're bored as well. She wants to get together." 

 James' hand flew to his hair and his eyes lit up. "The girls? As in all of 'em?" 

Sirius quirked an eyebrow at him. "Well not every bloody bird at Hogwarts." He smirked. "But yes, Evans is with them if that's what you were asking, prat."

Peter snorted, a smirk forming on his lips as he elbowed James in the rib. "Prongs, what d'you reckon goes down at one of those sleepovers? Think it's all pillow fights in their nighties?"

 Both he and James snickered madly to themselves as visions clouded their minds, similar to the scenarios they had seen in the dirty magazines hidden beneath James' mattress. 

"Ever think about Meadows and McKinnon together?" Asked James with a devious grin that Peter matched in an affirmative reply.

Remus made a face. "You don't think the girls talk about us that way, do you?" 

"Well personally I think the entire school should think about us that way." Sirius smirked at him, earning a swat to his stomach.

 James rolled his eyes. " _Some_  of us have no bloody choice," he said pointedly, glaring at the couple. "When certain people forget their bloody silencing charms before shagging like rabbits. Honestly, I know way more about what both of you like in bed than I care to-"

 "We don't forget that often." Said Sirius defensively as Remus' face went slightly pink. 

Peter let out a sharp laugh. "Oh sure you don't. This sound familiar?" He adopted a breathy tone and tried to imitate Sirius' posh accent. "' _Oh Moony do that again_!'"

James wailed with laughter, thumping hard on the bed. "Yes! Wait! And ' _Sirius! Do that with your tongue- oh fuck yes_!'"

Remus had buried his bright red face in Sirius' stomach and he groaned loudly in embarrassment. Sirius looked completely unaffected and fixed both of them with a stare. 

 "For a pair of straight lads you sure are listening an awful lot. You could say something, you know. Or are you living vicariously through our sex life because neither of you are getting laid?" 

The laughter died almost immediately and Sirius bit the head off a chocolate frog with a victorious chuckle. "That's what I thought."

-

"Oh, buggering banshees!" Marlene swore loudly as her hand slipped and bright red polish trailed off Dorcas' nail and onto the skin on her toe. "That's the third time. Can't you sit still?"

"Sorry," Dorcas apologized, though she sounded just as irritated. "What on earth are you doing to my head, MacDonald? It isn't a pin cushion, you know!" 

Mary rolled her eyes and purposely prodded the darker girl's skull with a bobby pin. "You asked for pin-curls. This is how it's done!"

Lily, who was sitting cross legged on the floor of Marlene's bedroom sorting through records, glanced up and shook her head. "I don't see why you're all getting dolled up. Who're you trying to impress?"

She didn't see the point of this whole endeavor at all, but her friends seemed adamant about getting out of the house and beyond the yard of the McKinnon's decently large property. She could understand that, she supposed. They were sixteen, nearly seventeen and it wasn't that a night out didn't appeal to her, it was the company they had invited that made her skin crawl.

 "We aren't trying to impress anyone." Marlene explained as she started yet again on her girlfriend's nails. "What's the problem, Lils? You and Remus are friends. And you've been on decent terms with Sirius-"

Lily snorted. "It's not Sirius I'm worried about. It's who comes with Sirius..."

"Remus." Snickered Mary, and Marlene and Dorcas lost it. 

Lily did her best to appear unamused, but the shadow of a smile ghosted across her face and she had to bite the inside of her mouth to stop herself from giggling.

 "Don't tell me you haven't thought about that," Marlene smirked, still focused on keeping her hand steady. "Black and Lupin?" 

"Who hasn't?" Mary giggled dreamily as she twirled a long strand of Dorcas' thick black hair around her index finger and pinned it against her head. 

Lily laughed sharply, green eyes examining a Simon and Garfunkel album cover. "I don't have to think about it. Remus and I are on the same rounds. Do you know how many times I've caught the two of them stumbling out of an empty classroom?" She arched one eyebrow suggestively as the other girls continued to twitter with intrigued laughter. 

 "During rounds, eh?" Dorcas grinned. "And here I thought he was a good little prefect."

 "He is." Said Lily with a slight shrug of her shoulder. "He's just also a Marauder." She sighed and put the records back. "So what exactly is the plan anyway? We're just meeting them in Diagon Alley? And then what? Walk around aimlessly?"

Finally finished with Dorcas' now glittering red toenails, Marlene spun around on her backside to face the redhead, wearing an apprehensive look that made Lily feel like she wasn't going to like the answer. 

 "Well we were thinking of heading into muggle London." The blonde said simply, clearly skirting around the details she knew her best friend would not be thrilled with. Lily's eyes narrowed suspiciously. 

"Alright..." Already this sounded like more trouble than it was worth...Sirius Black and James Potter loose in a large muggle city. "And then? It's not like we can get into any pubs or discos. We're not of age."

"And then we'll just see where the evening takes us, Lily!" Dorcas proclaimed, an edge of frustration on her voice. "Where's your sense of adventure? Your Gryffindor Courage? Your-  _blehhh_!" She started to choke as a thick cloud of hair spray descended around her. "Fucking..."  _Cough_   "hell, Mary! Are you trying to kill me?"

 Mary grimaced, waving her hands haphazardly to clear the air. "Sorry, Dory!" 

Marlene rolled her eyes at the now bickering girls on her bed and crossed the room to where Lily sat. She took the other girl by the arm and hauled her up. "That's enough, Evans. You've been a miserable little spoil sport all summer-" 

 "I have not!"

"You have." Said Marlene firmly, pressing her lips together in a thin line. She sighed. "Look, I know you're still sore over your falling out with Severus-"

 Lily shook her head. "Marlene, I'm over it-" 

"You're not." Blue eyes bore fiercely into green until Lily exhaled heavily in surrender. Marlene offered a sad smile. "He was your friend, Lily. You trusted him, cared about him," 

 "I was a fool." Lily whispered harshly. "It was there the whole time in him, I was just blind-" 

"You thought you could change him," Marlene's voice was sympathetic and soft as she reached up to tuck a lock of deep red hair behind Lily's ear. "You _wanted_ to change him. You, Lily Evans, are not a fool. You saw the good in him. It just...wasn't strong enough to outweigh the bad." 

 When Lily at last showed the hints of a smile, Marlene hugged her close, lifting her slightly off her feet. "That's better. Now, let's get all tarted up for a night on the town and live a little, eh?" She gave a wicked little wink and dragged the shorter girl to her closet. She threw several dresses at her, most of which Lily didn't think the girl's mother knew she was in possession of judging by the length and cut. "Pick one of those and then we'll get your hair and makeup done-"

 "I don't suggest the MacDonald Salon!" Dorcas interjected loudly from the bed, scowling at Mary who stuck her tongue out in reply. 

Laughing, Marlene and Lily turned to the mirror holding up the dresses from the closet. 

 "This one, I suppose." Lily decided. It was deep teal and it wasn't as short or tight as the others. It also seemed to be the only dress Marlene owned that wasn't a pencil skirt, but flared out at the waist. 

 "Yeah I figured." Marlene chuckled, shaking her head. 

"Can you blame me?" Lily smiled wryly. "The rest of them would fit like a second skin. Potter drools enough as it is." 

 "Relax, Lily." Said Mary, now beginning to pull the pins out of Dorcas' hair which fell to her shoulders in tight curls. "I mean...sure, the boys are a handful. But they're not animals!"

-

“Padfoot, would you cut that out?” Remus scolded impatiently, watching the shaggy black dog roll around in grassy patch just outside Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlor. “You’ll get fleas that way, you know.” 

Padfoot flipped onto his back, exposing his belly and panting happily as two young witches passed, giggling and pointing.

“How sweet!” Said one of them. She was quite leggy with long tawny curls.

“Is he yours?” Asked the other, smiling flirtatiously at James. She was shorter than her friend and curvy, with a silvery blonde pixie cut.

Remus groaned as he saw the shit-eating-grin on the bespectacled boy’s face widen. “Yeah, he is.”

“His name is Snuffles.” Peter added, smirking as the dog’s eyes narrowed on him momentarily. The girls both continued to fawn over Padfoot, scratching his belly and gushing over how cute he was while James and Peter chatted them up. Remus caught the dog’s clever wink in his direction and he shook his head. _You’re just eating this up, you mutt…_

The girls bid their giggly goodbyes and walked off, leaving Peter and James with goofy looking grins.

Remus snorted. “You know they must be at least twenty. You’re not even out of school yet.”

James ruffled his hair with a lopsided smile.. “They didn’t know that.”

“Charming.” Remus said dryly. “The girls should be meeting us soon. Padfoot, go change before someone sees you.”

The dog barked once and trotted off down a dark alley, returning moments later as Sirius Black wearing tight faded jeans and a black v neck shirt. Whatever annoyance Remus had felt before quickly dissipated, especially as his boyfriend bent over to tie the laces of his boot.

“So,” Remus said softly, leaning close to Sirius’ ear as the four of them started to walk to The Three Broomsticks to meet the girls. “James’ dog now, are you?” He slipped one hand possessively into the back pocket of the other boy’s sinfully tight jeans.

Sirius flashed him a grin. “Jealous, Moony?”

A few steps ahead of them, James had spotted red hair in the crowds of the busy sidewalk and had stopped short to check his reflection in a shop window. “Of Prongs?” Remus chuckled, pulling Sirius closer and kissing the side of his head. "Somehow I don’t feel very threatened, no.“

As they approached The Three Broomsticks, the blonde head of Marlene McKinnon, the tallest of the girls, turned and her blue eyes widened when she spotted them. She gave an excited little wave and as soon as they got close enough she threw her arms around Sirius with a delighted squeal. When they separated Sirius have her a once over and whistled.

"Well Mcknickers, don't you look like something out of a centerfold?" He smirked. Marlene did a little twirl to show off. She did look nice, and quite mature, in her black pencil skirt and kitten heels. "Watch out Meadows, I may decide I want her back."

Dorcas quirked an eyebrow at him and laughed. "Oh? I'm sure Remus and I would gladly switch off and let the two of you run wild. But I'm afraid it's our responsibility as decent human beings to keep you both under control."

"Agreed." Said Remus, leaning in to hug Mary and Lily hello. "You girls do look lovely though, all of you."

"Thank you, Remus." Lily smiled, accepting a kiss on the cheek from him. "Hi Peter." Her smiled faltered for only a moment as her eyes landed on James. "Potter."

James nodded curtly, and Remus could tell he was resisting the urge to run his hand through his messy hair. "Evans."

"So we were thinking of going into muggle London," said Marlene, still buzzing with excitement which was instantly matched by James and Sirius, as they agreed with an enthusiasm that left both Lily and Remus feeling slightly apprehensive. 

They were clearly out numbered in their concern though, and with a shared look of defeat, they followed the rest of the group through Diagon Alley to the brick wall that separated the Wizarding World from the rest of the city.


	50. London Calling (Part 2) - Summer 1976

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note about everyone's bloody statuses in the canon of this fic!  
> Sirius Black: Pureblood (Sacred 28 status pure.)  
> James Potter: Pureblood (questionable muggle lineage some generations back)  
> Remus Lupin: half blood (Wizard Lyall Lupin married muggle Hope Howell)  
> Peter Pettigrew: Half Blood (father deceased. Witch Mother)  
> Lily Evans: Muggleborn  
> Dorcas Meadows: Pureblood (questionable muggle lineage)  
> Marlene McKinnon: half blood (both parents are magical, but both are muggleborns)  
> Mary MacDonald: Muggleborn

The most difficult part of the entire outing, they all agreed, was that none of them could agree.

 It was really no surprise, putting eight very different teenagers from very different backgrounds in a very overwhelming city and expecting them all to want the same experience was just not possible, nor was it something they had really put much thought into. 

 "' _We'll just see where the night takes us, Lily!', 'Where's your sense of adventure, Lily!', your Gryffindor courage_!'" The redhead mocked, grinning triumphantly at her friends. "We should have had a plan at the very least." She leaned against the big red phone booth that James and Sirius had stuffed themselves inside, completely baffled by the idea of being able to speak into it on this end, and have someone else somewhere completely different answer back. 

 "Well why won't it work?" Sirius asked, frowning at the receiver in his hand while James was busy twisting the springy wire around his hand. 

 "It's a pay phone, Sirius." Sighed Remus, shaking his head at both of them. "Besides, who would you even call? You don't know anyone with a phone." 

 "David Bowie's probably got a phone! We could call-"

"Yeah?" Marlene chuckled, watching the two pureblood boys with the utmost amusement. "You've somehow managed to obtain David Bowie's phone number, Sirius?"

 "What's a phone number?" Asked James, now tangled in the wire up to his elbow.

"Alright. Out of the phone booth, both of you." Remus groaned as both other boys whined in protest. "James, you're going to cut off your circulation like that. Come here."

Peter and Mary were sitting on the curb with a map of the city opened across both of their laps. "There's a bunch of museums a few blocks over," said Mary, dragging her finger along the line that represented the street they were on. "I haven't gone to the natural history museum since I was little. That could be fun."

Peter made an uncertain sound and made a face. "I'm not to sure Sirius and James are museum appropriate," He looked up into the window of the phone booth where Remus seemed to be struggling to unravel James from the phone cord as Sirius continued to pout over not being allowed to make a call. 

Mary hummed in agreement. "Maybe not." 

 "Well," Huffed Dorcas, plopping down on Mary's other side. "I for one did not get poked and prodded by pins and nearly gassed to death by hair spray just to sit around." She leaned in to get a better look at the map. "Where are the discos? I want to dance!" 

"No one's going to let us in anywhere." Lily pointed out, sounding rather disappointed herself. "We're all underage and none of us have identification." 

 There was a loud bark like laugh from Sirius, who had finally given up on the phone booth. "Oh my dear, innocent Evans. You've forgotten who you're dealing with."

"Yeah," James came stumbling out, rubbing his arm which had taken on a sort of purple tinge. He didn't seem to care though, and he grinned cockily at Lily. "You're with The Marauders now, Evans. And if that's the sort of night you want, just say the word." 

Lily eyed him nervously, her lips pursing together. "What exactly are you suggesting?" 

 "He's suggesting that you simply trust us, Lily." Said Sirius, clearly catching on to whatever his best friend had in mind. "But there's a catch." 

Lily's arms folded over her chest and she sighed. "What's the catch?" 

James and Sirius exchanged a quick look, readable only between the two of them. "You can't question anything." Said James seriously. "No matter how illegal or dangerous our  actions may seem-" somewhere off to the side Remus was slamming his head against the phone booth and muttering about not wanting to bail anyone out of muggle prison. "Just go with what we tell you to do and we'll make sure everyone has a grand old time. Agreed?" 

The girls looked at each other, silently asking if anyone wanted to back out. Finally they all turned back and nodded. "Agreed." 

 -

 "I really don't know about this, Sirius." Peter muttered uncertainly as the two of them headed down the dark alley behind the club they had all finally decided on. 

 Sirius clapped him on the shoulder encouragingly. "What's not to know about, Wormy? It's just like at school! Just transform and find another entrance. It's what you do best, Pete."

 Peter nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "Well...I mean, that's at school. This is...y'know...The _World_. The _Muggle_ world, at that. What if someone sees-?"

 "You're a rat, mate. We're in the city. There's vermin-"

  _"OY_!"

"- bloody everywhere." Sirius brought a cigarette to his lips and lit it, leaning against the brick wall of the alley. "No one but me and you back here. Just turn and scamper off like you've done a million times before. I'm standing watch. Don't worry so much." He smirked, smoke slowly spilling from his nostrils. "If you get the girls to have a nice night out, Mary'll probably snog you."

 Peter frowned at him. "Emmeline's my girlfriend, mate. I'm not a cheater."

Sirius chuckled and shrugged. "You're not married to the girl, Pete."

"You're not married to Moony. Are you saying it would be alright for you to go off snogging some bloke?" Peter asked pointedly, raising an eyebrow. 

 Sirius shook his head. "That's different."

"How?" 

 "Moony could actually kill me." 

Peter didn't seem amused or convinced and Sirius sighed, taking another hit from his cigarette and shaking his head. "Look, that's not the point. The point is this whole night is riding on you and you're going to do it or I'm going to beat the piss out of you and leave you here in the dumpster. Your choice, mate. But you'll have a disappointed gaggle of girls on your hands if you don't."

Peter let out an exasperated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I hate you sometimes, Pads." 

 "I hate me sometimes too. Go before someone else comes 'round." Sirius waved impatiently, glancing around the side of the dumpster they were behind to make sure there were in fact no unexpected guests. He gave Peter the okay and the shorter boy gave one last grumble of annoyance before shifting into rat form and disappearing into the darkness of the street. 

 Sirius dropped the butt of his cigarette and stopped it out with the toe of his boot, leaning casually against the wall to wait for Peter's return. James and Remus had both told him over and over to try to be a little nicer to the smaller boy, both disapproving on Sirius' constant teasing. Sirius always shrugged it off. He didn't mean anything by it, it was harmless. He loved Peter just as he loved all of his friends and if anyone else were to tease the boy the way he did himself, Sirius would be the first one to punch their teeth out. 

 He was about to light up another cigarette, figuring it may take a few minutes before Wormtail returned with the layout of the club, when a loud roaring noise from the other side of the alley caught his attention. He looked up in time to see a flash of bright lights and black and silver metal zooming by, faster than any racing broom he and James could ever afford put together. 

 His interest now peaked, he placed the cigarette behind his ear and quickly checked to be sure there was no sign of Wormtail yet before cautiously making his way down the street. The roaring noise had stopped, but there was still a dull, steady rumble filling the air from just around the-

 "Padfoot!"

Sirius swore under his breath and spun around to see Peter standing by the dumpster once more. He jogged back to meet the other boy who frowned at him.

 "Everything alright?" Asked Peter.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, just thought I saw something strange...but it's the Muggle world so I suppose it's all rather strange to me." He forced a laugh. "Any luck?" 

A proud grin spread across Peter's face and he nodded enthusiastically. "There's hardly any security around and there's an outside area with a back door. Should be easy. Especially if we can cause some sort of distraction for the one guard out back." He shook his head. "But honestly he seems more interested in chatting up the girls than anything else."

 Sirius laughed and draped an arm over the pudgier boy's shoulders. "See, mate? Piece of cake, like I told you. Just like at school. Have more faith in yourself and I won't have to push you so hard, eh?" 

Peter's shoulders slumped slightly and his cheeks went pink. "Yeah, I know. Thanks, Padfoot."

 "Good man, Worm. Let's go get the rest of them, then." 

-

The inside of the club was mostly dark, lit by many colorful spotlights and a big glittery ball above the dance floor that reflected bright silvery orbs around the whole venue. The music that pumped through the large black rectangles ("speakers," Remus explained, having to shout over the noise.) was upbeat and so loud they could all feel it vibrating in their chests. 

Sirius, who's experience with muggle music was basically limited to whatever Remus or Marlene showed him, made a face. "What is this music anyway?" 

 "Disco," sighed Marlene, shaking her head. "It's not the greatest genre, but it's fun to dance to." To prove her point, she did a little wiggle of her hips, gently tapping them against Sirius' in rhythm to the music. "C'mon, Black. Too punk to dance to a little disco music?" 

 "Oh I would pay to see Sirius Black dance to The BeeGees." Lily laughed, her eyes alight with amusement and Remus hid a snort by pretending to cough into his hand. 

 Sirius lifted his chin confidently, throwing back his shoulders. "I'll have you all know I can dance to anything, thank you very much." His grey eyes drifted to the dance floor, watching the young men and woman move along to the music. "Er...perhaps a drink first, eh?" 

 James and Peter seemed to share his sentiments, and they headed towards the bar. 

 Mary giggled quietly to herself. "They've never ordered muggle drinks before..." The giggling turned into a near cackle as she imagined the boys trying to order a firewhiskey in Muggle London, let alone trying to figure out the muggle currency they had exchanged their gold for at Gringotts earlier. 

Lily and Remus exchanged a sly smile before they both sighed. 

 "Fine," Said Lily, lips almost painfully tugging into a grin, wishing to let the boys embarrass themselves.  "I'll help them."

 Lily ended up ordering for everyone, shocking them all with her extensive knowledge of liquor and mixed drinks as she rattled off names and brands with such ease that no one would ever to think question whether or not she was of age to be there. She brought her small clutch up onto the bar, pulling out several paper bills and handing it to the bartender. "I've got the first round." She smiled softly at the boys.

 James gaped at her, thoroughly impressed and in awe. "Er...thanks, Ev- er..Lily." 

She shrugged. "You lot got us in. Fair's fair." She lifted her glass, some bright red concoction with a cherry on the rim. "Cheers." And she hopped off the bar stool to join the other girls on the dance floor. 

 Remus' eyes were glued to James' face as the bespectacled boy watched the redhead run off. "Well, James Potter, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were actually trying to be a decent human being." He smirked and took a sip of the beer Lily had ordered for him. It wasn't all that bad, in fact he was relatively sure his father had let him have something of the sort earlier in the summer while they worked in the yard.

James huffed, looking down at his own drink and trying to hide his flushed cheeks. "Shove off, Moony. I'm just...y'know...trying not to bother her so much."

 "Well good on you, mate!" Said Sirius, who was already nearly finished with whatever was in his own glass. Remus couldn't tell exactly what Lily had ordered for him, but he could smell the alcohol, and it certainly wasn't weak. "It's about time you've moved on-" 

"I haven't _' moved on '_." James grumbled irritably, swirling the liquid in his glass a bit. "I'm just...approaching from a different angle." 

 "Well...er...that's good too, then." Peter attempted to sound encouraging. 

The truth was, and none of them would ever tell James, they all had started to think that James' pursuit of Lily Evans had reached it's peak. It was funny in the beginning, to watch as James made a complete fool of himself spouting ridiculous sonnets over the breakfast table or yelling across the corridor his proclamations of undying love. They all got a kick out of how creative Lily's hexes and jinxes were, leaving no room to question her very firm and resounding 'Not on your life, Potter' each and every time. But now...well, they were getting older. They were about to enter their sixth year of school, they'd be asked to pick a career focus and start to plan their futures...perhaps it was time for James to throw in the towel. There were plenty of other, very eligible girls at Hogwarts who maybe wouldn't hex James' underpants two sizes too small if he asked them out to dinner.

 Knocking back the rest of his own drink, Sirius slid off the bar stool. "Well, I don't know about you lads, but I've had my dose of liquid courage." He turned and winked at Remus before taking his hand. "Come on, Moons. Dance with me."

Remus nearly choked on his beer, eyes popping out. He set his glass on the bar and wiped his chin on his sleeve. "No bloody way." He shook his head.

 "Why the hell not?" 

Laughing incredulously, the werewolf shook his head. "I do _not_ dance, Padfoot. Especially not at a _club._ With _people!"_ He dropped his voice. "And besides, we're not exactly in the right part of town for two blokes to be dancing together." 

Peter and James both looked away awkwardly. Sirius' face fell and his eyes momentarily filled with disappointment. Remus' heart clenched with guilt in his chest, but then Sirius grinned and shrugged. 

 "No worries, Rem." He gave his boyfiend's hand a squeeze before letting go. "I'm actually going to step out for a smoke first anyway." 

Remus nodded, not fully convinced by Sirius' happy demeanor, and watched the other boy leave. 

 "Relax, Moony." Said James, sensing his friend's obvious distress. "He'll get over it when he starts spinning McKinnon round the dance floor later."

Remus bit his lip. "He seemed upset-" 

 Peter shrugged and sipped from his own glass. "You were right though, this isn't the best place for you two to...well..." He sighed. "I mean, not that you two shouldn't be able to be together wherever you are, but...well...not everyone-"

Remus sighed, picking his glass back up. "I know, Peter."

-

Logically, Sirius did know that Remus was absolutely right. The outside world wasn't like being at school, and even with icons like David Bowie and Freddy Mercury, not everyone was willing to accept two boys dancing, touching, kissing...

He sighed and lit his cigarette. It wasn't fair, he thought bitterly as he watched a girl, wearing thigh high white platform boots and a bright pink skirt that barely covered anything at all, pull her boyfriend close and kiss him right there in the streets. He should be able to kiss his Moony like that no matter where they were or who saw it.

 Then he heard it again, that low, growling, rumbling noise that he had heard in the alley before. He frowned and looked around, no one seemed all too concerned with the thundering sound. It must not be uncommon. But he couldn't help feeling drawn to the sound. Giving in to his own curiosity, he rounded the corner.

He nearly lost the cigarette dangling from his lips when his jaw dropped.

It wasn't as if he had never seen a motorbike before. He saw them all the time in the muggle rock magazines he collected, and he had always been very intrigued by them. However, he had never actually  _seen a motorbike_ before. There were two of them parked right there on the side of the road. And bloody hell were they beautiful. 

 "All right, mate?" 

Sirius nearly jumped, unaware that he had been staring until one of the bike's riders addressed him. They were both relatively young, though obviously older than Sirius, probably around twenty one, and they were both incredibly good looking in their leather jackets and ripped jeans. The one who had spoken took off his helmet, shaking out his shaggy, dark brown hair and grinning at Sirius. "Like what you see, then?" 

 Sirius swallowed, feeling embarrassed and oddly speechless. "Er...I mean...it's just-" 

"I know, she's blinding ain't she? Just bought her 'round a week ago. Been saving up nearly all my life." His blue eyes gave Sirius a very familiar once over, lingering for a moment just below the belt and he bit his lip before offering his hand. "Curt." 

"Sirius." 

Curt raised an eyebrow, just as Sirius figured he would being a muggle and probably not use to names like his, he was ready to explain his family's astrology tradition, but Curt shrugged it off. "So d'you ride at all, Sirius?" He asked.

 Sirius laughed and shook his head, much too enthralled by the shining black and chrome bike to notice the flirtatious tone of the older boy's voice. 

"Would you like to?" Asked Curt, and now Sirius' eyes shot up to meet his. 

He was very attractive, Sirius certainly couldn't deny that, and if he was completely honest with himself, of course he wanted to hop on the back of that bike and let this older, gorgeous man take him for a go on that brilliant monster of a machine. He bit his lip and sighed. 

 "I can't." He took a step back and flicked the ash from his cigarette. "Sorry. My mates are inside waiting for me." 

Curt shrugged and gave him a slightly disheartened smile. "Maybe next time then, eh?" He nodded to Sirius. "Could I at least bum a fag off you, then?" 

Sirius brought his own cigarette back to his lips and dug into his back pocket to retrieve the old cigarette case he and James had found in the shed. He pulled one out and handed it to the man before flicking his lighter. 

 "Fuck." He muttered as no flame appeared. He flicked it again. "Fuck, mate. It's dead." 

Curt smirked around the cigarette in his mouth. "No problem." And before Sirius knew what was happening, Curt reached up, gently cupped his chin and touched the end of his cigarette to the lit one of Sirius'. He pulled away and winked at him. "Have a nice night, Sirius." He put his helmet back on and mounted the bike, revving it up a few times before he and his friend sped off, leaving Sirius feeling like a blushing, smiling idiot on the sidewalk.

 Sirius took a moment to register what had just happened and ran a hand through his hair. Still grinning, he turned to head back to the front of the club.

His grin disappeared when he found himself face to face with a not-so-happy-looking Remus.

-

Lily had to admit, she was having an absolute blast. A few drinks in and the girls had managed to get both Peter and James to join them on the dance floor.

 "Stick to flying, Potter." Dorcas snickered, shaking her head at her team captain. "Clearly you don't have the same moves on the ground as you do in the air."

"Oh I have moves, Meadows!" James insisted, pulling the girl to him by her arm. "You just don't realize it because you're intoxicated." He spun her around. 

 Marlene laughed, coming up behind her girlfriend so she was now sandwiched between her and James. "I think you've got it a little confused, James. _You're_ intoxicated and that's why you _think_ you've got moves." 

 "You know what's bloody weird?" Said Dorcas, looking off to her left across the dance floor. " _Peter's_ got moves."

They all looked over to Peter and Mary, who actually had a decent crowd around them as they danced together. The rest of them fell into a fit of laughter.

 Lily shook her head, grinning widely. "I'm not nearly intoxicated enough for this." She started towards the bar. "Anyone else?" 

The others declined and went on with their dancing.

 Lily slid onto a stool, smiling to herself as she watched her friends from afar and waited for the bartender. She couldn't believe she was actually having a good time out in public with James Potter who was currently _shaking his groove thing_ and twirling both Marlene and Dorcas around. She laughed to herself, perhaps things were changing. They were getting older after all. Maybe James Potter was growing up. 

She ordered herself a vodka and cranberry juice. 

 "So?" 

She spun around. James was standing right there, smiling at her. She allowed herself to smile back. "So what, Potter?" 

 He took a seat beside her. "So, are you having a good time?" He asked, giving her a lopsided smile. It wasn't the smile she was use to from him, at least not when it was directed at her. She had seen it a few times in the corridors or the common room when he was goofing off with his friends. 

"I am, actually." She said honestly. "Thank you. I mean...we wouldn't have been able to do this tonight without you boys, so..." 

 James shrugged. "Well, thank you for inviting us. Or...I mean I suppose it was Marlene's invitation, wasn't it? I'm sure we weren't your number one choice of company." He ordered a water. 

Lily felt her cheeks grow warm with shame and she looked down. "Er...well, I-'

 The boy grinned and nudged her gently with his elbow. "It's fine, Evans. I get it. We're annoying. Hell, we even annoy ourselves."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Do you?" 

James smirked. "Well, we annoy Remus, anyway." 

Lily laughed. An honest, amused and happy laugh. "No. Remus adores you. All of you."

 "Of course he does," Said James. "That doesn't mean we don't drive him 'round the bend. Sirius is his bloody soulmate and no one can annoy Remus better than that git." He took a sip of water. 

Lily frowned, tilting her head slightly and watching him. "D'you believe in that?" 

 "Hmm? In what?" 

"What you said? Soulmates?" 

 James' eyes met hers and he smiled, looking like he was trying to find the right words. "I do." He nodded towards the front door of the club where his friends had exited some time ago. "I've seen it. Believe me, those two idiots are meant for each other. No one else will put up with either of them." He smiled fondly and Lily couldn't help but return it. No one could deny that James Potter loved his friends. 

"Anyway," The boy sighed, chugging down the rest of his water. "If you'll excuse me, I have a dance floor to tear apart." His eyes lingered on hers for a moment. "See you, Lily." 

She smiled and waved him off. For the first time in over five years, she didn't want to hex James Potter's underpants just from talking to him. 

-

"It wasn't what it looked like, Moony..." Sirius said, nearly pleading as he rushed to keep up with his boyfriend's quick paced walk. 

 "Oh please." Remus growled, pulling his hand away as Sirius tried to take it. "As if you weren't just flirting with some bloke right there on the bloody street." 

"But I wasn't!" Insisted Sirius, finally managing to grab on to the taller boy's arm. "I was looking at his bike! We talked for a minute, I gave him a smoke and that was it!" That  _was_ it. Remus just had to believe him. "Fuck, Moony! Why would I flirt with some random bloke when I've done everything I bloody well can to make sure I have _you_! You think I'd risk that-" 

 Remus stopped short and turned on him. Sirius' breath caught in his throat as Remus towered over him, amber eyes filled with anger and hurt. "Yes! I do think you'd risk that, Sirius! You _have_ risked it in the past! Or have you conveniently forgotten about that?" He shoved past the other boy and continued to walk down the sidewalk. 

Sirius stood, frozen in shock with his mouth agape. "Are you...? _Fuck you, Remus!"_ He ran to catch up again. "Seriously? You're going to use that against me right now? This has nothing to do with that, Remus! I haven't done anything wrong!" His fingers closed once again around the werewolf's wrist and before Remus could pull away, Sirius shoved him into the nearest space he could, a phone booth, and shut the door behind him. "That's completely out of order, Remus and you know it!" He kept his voice low, glaring at Remus who refused to make eye contact with him. "I know I hurt you last year. I fucked up. But you took me back and you forgave me for it! You can't just use it against me every bloody time we have a row! It's not fair!" 

 "It's perfectly fair, Sirius! It's about trust-!" 

"WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BLOODY TRUST ME AGAIN!" Sirius shouted, kicking the wall of the booth. He ran both hands through his hair and let out a strangled, aggravated sound. "I didn't do anything with that guy, Remus! He wanted to, though! And I bloody well could have if I had wanted to as well, but I _didn't !_ He asked me if I wanted to go for a ride on his motorbike and you know what, yeah, I bloody did want to! And yes, he was bloody fit and he was flirting with me and that...that felt sort of good as well...But I said no because I've got you and I'm not going to fuck it up again! So he asked me for a smoke, I gave it to him, my light was dead and he used mine to light his! That's it! That's all that happened!" He stopped to take a breath. Remus still wasn't looking at him. He sighed and leaned against the wall. "Fuck, Remus..." He shook his head. "If you're never going to trust me again...if this is what I have to look forward to every time you think I've done something off..." He bit his lip. "...then I don't want it." As soon as he said the words, he wished he could take them back. But it was true. He would always have the night with Snape looming over his own head, he would always torture himself about it...but he couldn't stand it if Remus thought so little of him because of that one night, that he would honestly think that he would be so low as to cheat on him. Not after he fought so hard to get him back. 

Remus gasped when Sirius said it, and he finally looked up with fearful eyes. "W-what?" 

 Sirius cast his own eyes down and rubbed the back of his neck. "I just..." He sighed. "I love you, Remus. You know that, or at least I hope you do..." He licked his lips, his mouth felt dry. "But if you really do feel like you can't trust me, and you're always going to be questioning everything in the back of your head because of what I did last year...then how can you honestly say you love me as well? How can you love somebody if you don't trust them?" 

They were both silent and still for a very long time, until the tinkling sound of metal was the only noise that filled the tiny booth. Sirius frowned. 

 "What are you doing?" 

Remus didn't answer him. He pulled some muggle coins out of his pocket and picked up the receiver of the telephone, dropping a few coins into the slot and turning the odd little circle with all the little numbers on it. 

 Sirius watched in utter confusion. Neither of them said a word until. 

"Mum? It's me," Remus spoke softly into the phone. "N-no, nothing's wrong. I'm fine, really! No no one's in trouble..." He bit his lip. "We're out in London...yes we're being careful, er...our friend Lily's mum is with us." Sirius snorted at the lie. "Listen my...Sirius has never used a phone before, y'know...pureblood and all... and he won't stop pestering me about it so...thanks." His eyes finally met Sirius' and he smiled, holding the phone out to him. Sirius just blinked at him. 

Remus chuckled and took his hand, which he hadn't realized was shaking, and gently positioned it correctly. "You talk into this end," He explained quietly, then brought Sirius' hand, and the phone to the other boy's ear. "And you listen here." He nodded encouragingly. "Say hello." 

"Er..." Said Sirius, still unsure of how they went from fighting to this. "H-hello?" 

 "Hello Sirius," Mrs. Lupin sounded quite amused. "It's nice to finally meet you. Unofficially, of course." 

Sirius laughed nervously, his fingers fidgeting with the cord. "It's nice to unofficially meet you too, Mrs. Lupin." 

He had never met Remus' mother. Usually his dad, being the wizard in the family, brought him to the platform each september or dropped him off by floo or apparation at James' during the summer. He had seen pictures of her though. She had the same hair as her son and, although Remus' eyes were a wildly bright amber color as a direct result of his affliction, the shape and the warmth they held were very similar to the woman he was now speaking to. 

"Remus talks about you all the time," Mrs. Lupin continued, her voice light and gentle, making Sirius feel warm all over. "He's very fond of you, you know." 

Sirius' eyes flickered to the other boy, who was leaning against the glass window of the stall, watching him from beneath his eyelashes with an almost sheepish expression. Sirius smiled. "I'm very fond of him too." He saw Remus' cheeks turn pink. 

Another voice cut in, telling him to add more money or the call would be disconnected and he looked at Remus with confusion. Remus took the phone. 

 "Mum? Yeah, the call time is nearly up. Oh...er...yeah, he is. Okay. It was nice to talk to you too, mum. I love you." He hung the phone back up. 

Again there was silence between the two of them. 

 Finally Sirius smirked and looked up. "You talk about me to your mum?" 

Remus' face went from pink to bright red. "Er...well..." He stuttered. "I mean, I talk about all of you, of course and...well, I don't know, maybe I talk about you more than I talk abo-mmph!" Remus gasped as he was pushed up against the wall of the phone booth and his boyfriend's mouth covered his own. After a moment he relaxed, smiling against Sirius' lips and winding his arms around his waist, pulling him flush against his own body. They both moaned as Sirius' tongue ran across Remus' bottom lip and slipped into his mouth, deepening the kiss and sending sparks throughout the both.

 "I love you Sirius," Remus murmured against the other boy's lips. "I'm sorry for what I said..."

"I love you too, Remus." Sirius sighed happily, running his hands up Remus' arms to rest on the back of his neck, twisting his fingers in the curls there. He broke the kiss for a moment and looked up at him. "You believe me don't you? I didn't touch that bloke...I wouldn't-"

 Remus nodded, "I believe you," He bent his head to nuzzle against Sirius' neck, pressing kisses to his throat. Sirius felt him smirk against the sensitive skin there and suddenly their positions were flipped so that Sirius was the one against the wall. "Can smell him all over you, though." Remus' voice was a soft growl that sent shivers up Sirius' spine. 

"Oh?" Sirius' voice trembled with excitement, betraying the playful air he had hoped to have. "Well we can't have that, then..." He moaned when Remus' teeth gently nipped at his adam's apple. 

 "Oh absolutely not." 

-

"What bloody time is it?" Marlene yawned, shuffling barefoot down the cobblestone streets of Diagon Alley.

 "Half past fuck-it-all." Groaned Sirius. 

It was very late. Or, rather, it was very early, as the sun had just begun to come up, and they were just making their way back to The Three Broomsticks where James had had the sense to book them a room.  

 "Where d'your parents think you're all at tonight anyway?" James asked, his voice slurred from a mix of alcohol and pure exhaustion. 

Marlene giggled, the delusional kind of giggle from not having gotten any rest. "Told them we were spending the night 'round Dorcas'. Yours?" 

 "We're s'posed to be camping out in the woods a few towns down." Peter smirked, having thought of that part of the plan himself. James went to the desk for the room key and paid for it and all eight of them trudged, zombie like, up the stairs. 

"Girls get the bed." Lily insisted, leaning on Mary, who was leaning on the wall as James fidgeted with the key in the door. 

 "Bloody fight me for it, Evans." Sirius grumbled, though he himself was in no position to fight anyone, as he was being carried on Remus' back for half of the walk. 

Finally managing to open the door, they all stumbled into the room. The girls did get the bed, despite Sirius' whining protests. But it hardly mattered, as they were all so tired they would have passed out wherever they fell. And they all did, almost immediately after murmuring their good nights to each other. 

 "Wait," Lily said suddenly, her voice raspy and her mind only half awake. Everyone groaned, just wishing to finally sleep. "I just...No one else thinks it's weird that Peter can dance? I mean...Peter can _dance_!" 

 

 

  


	51. Sweet Child Of Mine - Year Six

Platform 9 3/4 was just as busy as ever. Owls screeched, cats meowed and hissed, and the sound of parents and students hustling to catch the scarlet engine rang throughout the air as usual. 

 "And you've both double checked to be sure you've got everything, yes?" Mrs. Potter asked, raising an eyebrow at both James and Sirius. 

"Mum, we've got everything. We're not first years, you know. We're sixteen, practically grown." James impatiently waved her off, looking around to make sure no one, particularly no girls, saw him being fussed over by his mother. 

 Euphemia gave her son a knowing look before shaking her head and reaching into her bag. "Practically grown, eh?" She tutted softly as she pulled James' wand from her pocketbook. "Suppose you don't need your mum to double check for this then? Seems rather important." 

James' face turned bright red and he quickly snatched his wand, throwing Sirius a dirty look as the shorter boy howled with laughter. 

 Mrs. Potter chuckled softly with amusement as she rounded on her son's best friend. "Think that's funny, Sirius?" Sirius' laughter immediately died as the older woman handed him his tie and his new Potions text book. 

"Thanks mum." Both teenagers muttered quietly, their cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment and just glad that none of their friends had witnessed this particular moment.

Mrs. Potter sighed and kissed them both on the cheek. "You boys behave yourselves this semester, alright? I don't need another letter home, James Potter, I mean it."

 "Oh, we'll be absolute angels." Said James, who had spotted Lily Evans across the crowded Platform and was hardly paying attention to his mother anymore. "Won't we, Sirius?"

"The picture of innocence, really." Agreed Sirius, his eyes scanning through the hoards of students to try to find Remus and Peter.

 "I'm sure." Euphemia muttered flatly. "Alright, then. Off with you both, I can see you're both far too 'grown up' for proper goodbyes to your mother."

Neither of them needed to be told twice, and with one last quick hug they took off to find their friends.

 "See Moony or Worm anywhere?" Sirius asked as they pushed past a group of giggling third year girls who were crowded around a copy of Witch Weekly, fawning over some celebrity or another.

James craned his neck. "Nah. Bloody packed this year, isn't it? I feel like it gets more crowded each year, you know?" He sighed, taking his glasses off to clean them on his shirt. "Split up? It'll be easier to find them. Meet you back here, yeah?" 

Sirius nodded and James took off in the direction that Sirius was sure he had seen Lily and Marlene just moments ago. He rolled his eyes and headed the opposite way, shoving his way through the masses. James was right, it really did feel a lot more crowded every year. He supposed it was that more and more Wizards were marrying Muggles every day, and that meant more children being born with the chance of having magic, which meant more students being accepted into Hogwarts. He wondered if the castle somehow expanded itself to have enough room for the increasing numbers of students, and if-

A hand on his shoulder cut his thoughts short and he smiled to himself as he turned to face Remus.

 His stomach dropped and suddenly he forgot how to breathe, as the person standing in front of him was not Remus Lupin, but his mother. The hand on his shoulder tightened as Walburga's lips twitched up into a cold smile. 

 "Did you think you could just dishonor your family name and run off forever, Sirius?" 

Sirius' eyes dropped to the ground and he swallowed hard. He could feel himself trembling and he silently begged for it to stop. He wanted to run off, but his feet seemed to be glued to the spot. He wondered if maybe she had hit him with a leg locking curse. He started to panic.

"Walburga," The ever calm voice of Mrs. Potter made Sirius remember that he needed air in his lungs in order to live. He took a breath as her warm, gentle hand rested on his other shoulder. "Can I help you with something?"

Walburga's face twitched just slightly as her piercing grey eyes landed on the other witch.

 "Euphemia." Her lips barely moved as she greeted the woman before her with a forced sweetness in his voice that made the hair on Sirius' arms stand on edge. "I do apologize for any trouble my son may have caused you and your husband over the last few months. I understand what an inconvenience he can be."

 "Inconvenience?" Repeated Euphemia lightly, feigning confusion. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Walburga. Sirius has been nothing but a pleasure." Her hand squeezed reassuringly on Sirius' left shoulder in contrast to the nail-digging grip from Walburga on his right. Sirius remained silent, still too terrified to move or make a sound.

 "Well," Said Walburga, her tone hitting an octave higher than normal as her gaze rested yet again on her son. "I'm so very glad to hear it. Perhaps a little discipline was just what the healer ordered. No matter, he'll be returning home after this semester. Won't you, Sirius?"

 Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but still no words seemed to form. Luckily, Euphemia jumped in instead.

 "He certainly will be returning home." She agreed and for a moment Sirius felt like his heart was going to pound right out of his chest. "With me and Fleamont and James. Where he belongs." She took a step closer to Walburga, who looked positively livid. "Mrs. Black, Sirius is a wonderful, kind, intelligent young man and I love him like he's my own. He won't be returning to The House of Black, I'm afraid-" Walburga made a sound as if to argue but Euphemia cut her off. "And if I were you, dear, I wouldn't try anything further on the subject. I doubt the ministry has the same ideas as you seem to have on how to 'discipline' a child...one may even consider your actions _unforgivable_."

Walburga's eyes widened and the color drained from her face at what Mrs. Potter was suggesting. Euphemia's lips tugged into a smug smile as she saw realization and defeat wash over the other woman. "Now then, take your hand off _my son_ , Walburga." Sirius gasped, his head snapping to look back at Mrs. Potter. It was one thing to say that to other people, as she had before, but to say it to Sirius' own mother...."You may think that being of the Sacred Twenty Eight makes you practically Royal, but it certainly doesn't put you above the law. And if you or your husband try to come in contact with Sirius again, I'm sure the ministry would have a field day with what I could tell them about what's going on at _The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black_. And you wouldn't want that, now would you? In times like these" She sighed heavily for effect. "...a ministry raid would certainly put quite a stain on the family's reputation, wouldn't it?"

Something Sirius had never seen before flashed in his mother's eyes. Was it fear? Nevertheless, the bruising grasp she had on his shoulder was gone, and she took a step backwards, still staring at Euphemia as if the woman had physically slapped her. Sirius' lungs filled with air, finally able to breathe once again, and his body relaxed as Mrs. Potter pulled him closer to her side and she smiled kindly at him. "Say goodbye, dear."

 He lifted his gaze back to his mother, or at least the woman who had supposedly given birth to him, and the corner of his lips twitched up into a satisfied smirk. "Goodbye."  
Walburga Black did not make a sound, nor did she allow herself to show any form of emotion, and her face resorted back to its usual stone-like appearance as she turned away sharply, her long, expensive cloak billowing out behind her. Sirius watched her walk away for the last time.

"Bloody hell, mum!" James shouted and Sirius turned to see him, Remus and Peter all staring, eyes wide and jaws dropped. When they saw him they immediately averted their eyes, pretending that they hadn't just witnessed the entire thing.

 "Language, James." Sighed Euphemia, smiling still but shaking her head.

But James didn't pay her any mind, grinning from ear to ear and regarding his mother with the utmost respect. "That was  bloody incredible! You dragged that bitch-" 

"James Fleamont Potter, that's quite enough." Mrs. Potter scolded firmly. "Now, on to the train, all of you."

Unlike their earlier, too-cool-for-mum hug, James flung his arms around his mother tightly and kissed her cheek. "Bye mum!"

"Bye Mrs. Potter." Both Peter and Remus waved from where they were standing before following a proudly chattering James Potter toward the scarlet engine.

Finally Sirius looked up at her. He smiled, biting his lip and feeling heat rise in his cheeks as he thought of everything Euphemia Potter had just said about him. Without another thought he stepped forward and hugged her tightly, which she returned with just as much enthusiasm.

 "Thank you." Sirius muttered against her shoulder, his voice very small for fear of getting too emotional right there on the platform.

 "You're very welcome." She kissed the top of his head and pulled away slightly, brushing some of the boy's hair back from his face. "Have a good term, dear. I'll see you at Christmas."

Sirius grinned and nodded. "Right. Of course..." He licked his lips anxiously. "Love you, mum."

 "I love you too, son." She held his gaze for a moment, then laughed lightly. "Go, or you'll be riding your broom to school!"

Sirius finally let go of her and took his trunk, quickly heading towards the train.

"And for the love of Merlin, behave yourselves! All of you!" Euphemia called after him. He didn't respond. He didn't want to lie to her, after all, and she knew it was a lost cause anyway.

-

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, funny thing about this chapter. TT (@Asktheboywholived on tumblr. amazing cosplayer/actor/human being. I know I've gushed about them before...) asked for suggestions for good Sirius/James bromance scenes and we started discussing a few options. They told me they had this idea for Mrs. Potter and Mrs. Black to basically have a "mom off" at kings cross, ending in Mrs. Potter SLAAAAAAAYING Walburga.   
> I freaked out because I had also been planning basically the same scenario. So we ended up brainstorming this one together and taking a little bit from each other. so this chapter was a joint effort. ^_^ I don't know when TT plans to post their Epic Mom Off thread, but if you have yet to check out their blog, you really really really should.   
>  On another note, I apologize for this being a short chapter, especially after making you wait longer than usual. I have been super busy with my engagement party coming up this saturday and it's been eating all my time! I promise after this weekend things will pick up again!! I hope you enjoyed it.


	52. Mirror Mirror - Year 6

"Carefully... _Caaaarefully_...Carefu-" 

 "For fuck sake Prongs, would you shut up?" Sirius snapped, shooting a sideways glare at the other boy. The two of them were kneeling on James' bed, hunched over the antique mirrors they had found over the summer in the Potters' shed while Sirius held an eyedropper full of metamorphosis potion over the sleek glass. It had to be exactly one drop or it wouldn't work the way they wanted it to. 

"Sorry," Muttered James, though his anxious expression did not let up one bit. 

Sirius' eyes narrowed. "D'you want to do it yourself? Clearly I can't be trusted not to fuck it up."

"I never said-"

 "Then _shut. up_." 

James snapped his mouth shut and Sirius took a steadying breath before gently squeezing the dropper. He could practically feel James preparing to pounce and stop any excess potion from falling, and he couldn't blame him. They had been working on their latest project, a set of two way mirrors they could use as means of instant communication no matter where they were, since they returned to school over a month ago and they had already screwed it up twice. One time resulting in shattered glass all over dorm room floor and the other nearly leaving Sirius blind in one eye...

 The small drop of silvery liquid finally fell and they both let out the breath they were holding. Sirius leaned in further and gave the mirror in front of James the same treatment. Once that too went without a hitch, they sat back on their heels and waited, staring down at the mirrors. The glass shuddered slightly before shifting into what seemed almost like thick, rippling water. The two boys glanced nervously at each other.

 "That's meant to happen," Sirius' voice wavered a bit.

"Are you asking me or telling me?" 

 "Err..." The glass went solid again and emitted a soft, bluish glow and Sirius smirked. "Yes. Meant to happen." 

"Smug bastard." James shook his head, although he himself was grinning proudly as he cautiously tapped the glass of his mirror with his finger to be sure it had indeed taken its prior form again. "Right then, you've got that spell written down?" 

 Sirius reached into his back pocket for the scrap of parchment he had jotted the incantation onto. "Don't fuck it up." 

James rolled his eyes and snatched the parchment from him. He frowned. "This is it? Seems too simple..." 

 "No, I made it up just to bloody see what would happen." 

"Alright, alright. Sheesh. What's with the snippy attitude? Moony not putting out?" 

 "Our sex life is just spiffy thank you very much. How's your right hand?"

"Low blow, mate." James sighed, using his index finger to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He touched the tip of his wand to the glass of his mirror as Sirius did the same to his own.

 " _Adversus Cogitatio."_

The mirrors both flashed brightly, making James and Sirius flinch and shield their eyes. After a few seconds, the light dimmed and the two boys exchanged uncertain looks. James cleared his throat and lifted his mirror to eye level. "Er...Sirius?" He said clearly to his own reflection, feeling a little foolish with his best friend sitting only inches away from him. There was a moment of anticipated silence and then - 

 "HOLY FUCK!" Sirius' horrified scream made James jump and he nearly dropped the mirror in his hand. 

"WHAT! WHAT IS IT? WHAT'S WRONG?" He asked, panic stricken as Sirius gaped, wide eyed at his mirror while clutching at his chest. 

 "I...I just..." Sirius swallowed hard, regaining his composure. "Sorry, I'm just so use to looking in the mirror and seeing this beautiful son of a bitch, and now suddenly there's your ugly mug staring back at me." He snickered as James reached over and swatted him in the back of the head. 

"You prat! You made me think you- Wait, it's working?" 

 Still laughing, and wiping the corner of his eyes with his sleeve, Sirius nodded. "Yeah, mate. Take a look." He brought his mirror up again. "James." 

The glass of James' mirror rippled in a fluid like motion and suddenly his reflection was replaced with Sirius'. "Merlin's pants, it bloody works!" He laughed gleefully. "Oy, Pads, go down into the common room. I want to see if it stays connected." He waved his hand towards the door and Sirius practically bounced off the bed with excitement. 

 Sirius bounded down the stairs to the common room with the silver handle of his mirror clutched tightly in his hand, skipping several steps at a time and nearly knocking over a very confused Remus and Lily when he got to the bottom.

"Where's the fire?" Remus asked, one eye brow raised as he cautiously looked over his boyfriend's expression for any sign of mischief that may be his responsibility to clean up later on.

Sirius grinned. "James and I may have just figured out the mirrors." He turned his attention back to it. "Prongs can you still hear me?"

"FUCK YES THIS IS THE MOST BRILLIANT BLOODY THING EVER!" James' voice responded. "We can talk no matter where we are!"

"I know, mate. It's like we'll never even have to miss each other-"

Lily blinked a few times, her eyes wide and owl like before turning back to Remus. "You're sure it's you that he's dating and not Potter, right?"

 Remus sighed and shook his head. "To be honest, sometimes I really don't know."

Sirius scoffed. He was about to come back with a witty comment about Moony's arse being far better than Prongs' any day, but he was interrupted when the portrait sung open and a disheveled and guilty looking Peter stumbled through, tripping in his haste and falling flat on the ground.

Lily, Remus and Sirius all stopped to watch as Peter scrambled to his feet and brushed himself off, a rather silly grin plastered to his round face until he realized he was being stared at by his very amused friends. The grin faded slightly and the boy turned red.

One of Sirius' sleek black eyebrows quirked up and he smirked knowingly. "Alright Wormy?"

 Peter let out a nervous squeak of a laugh, his hand darting up to run through his damp, blond hair. "Me? Er...yeah! Great! I...I'm fantastic, really, uh-"

Remus and Sirius' eyes met briefly and they both bit their lip so they wouldn't laugh.

"Had a nice night with the lovely Miss Emmeline, then?" Asked Remus in the most conversational tone he could muster.

"Oh," Peter stuttered. "The breast- _ah_! _Best_!"

 There was a loud snort and Lily tried to cover it up with a fake sneeze, although both Remus and Sirius could see her grinning under her hand.

"FUCK, MATE, DID WORMTAIL HAVE SEX!?" Came James' flabbergasted voice from Sirius pocket. 

-

 "Y'know what's brilliant about this prank?" Hissed James excitedly. He and Sirius were under the invisibility cloak, which could no longer hold all four Marauders underneath. Not that it mattered, with Remus being busy with his prefect duties and Peter constantly running off to find an empty broom cupboard with Emmeline, it seemed to be just the two of them most of the time these days anyway. "It's inconvenient, but not dangerous. It's bloody _hilarious_ , and to top it off, it will tick Snape off more than anyone else without him even being the sole target." The bespectacled boy snickered to himself as Sirius managed to unlock the door to the Potions supply closet, where they planned to charm the feet of the cauldrons to disappear  whenever someone tried to place them over a flame, causing the cauldrons themselves to roll away. Sirius made a undetermined sound that James took as agreement and he went on. "I've got to say, Evans not being friends with ol' Snivelly certainly made pranking the Slytherins a lot easier. Less chance she'll hex me for it, y'know?"

Again Sirius didn't give a committed answer. If James didn't know any better, he would think his best friend was getting annoyed with him. He ignored it.

 "I just sort of thought once that greasy git was out of the way she would be more open to maybe going out on a date with me. I mean she-"

This time Sirius sighed, loudly, and James couldn't ignore it anymore.

 "Alright, what's wrong?" He asked, folding his arms and staring hard at the back of his friend's head. He saw Sirius' shoulders slump slightly, clearly whatever was bothering him was something he didn't particularly want to say, but it had gotten to the point where he felt he had to. The shorter boy turned to face him.

"Look, James..." Sirius exhaled sharply, rubbing the back of his neck. "Don't you think enough is enough with this whole 'waiting around for Lily Evans' thing?"

James' face fell. His brows furrowed together and he seemed mildly affronted. He opened his mouth to argue but Sirius cut him off.

"It's just," Sirius said slowly, trying to find the right way to break what the rest of them all had been thinking to him. "We're all growing up and pairing off. Frank's finally asked Alice out, Dorcas and Marls are still going strong, Remus and I are...well...y'know...Merlin, even Peter is sticking it to his bird! Don't you want to experience any of it?"

 James scoffed and shook his head. "It's only a matter of time, Padfoot! I mean look at how far we've come-"

"Lily can tolerate having a conversation with you that doesn't involve screaming or hexing each other." Sirius said firmly, his eyes baring into James'. "With some more time and being forced to mingle, since the rest of us are close, you two may even eventually be friends. But you won't be if you keep hounding her for dates and writing love poems and acting like a prat."

 "Alright, so we become friends and then-"

"Mate, it took her six years to be able to even look at you without gagging. How long are you going to sit around and wait for something that may not even happen?"

James didn't say anything. There was nothing he _could_ say. He knew, of course, that the way he had conducted his pursuit of Lily Evans had been foolish in the beginning. To tell the truth, it had started as a joke. The red head had regarded him with such disdain so quickly in first year, he had thought it was funny to get her riled up with his displays of faux affection.

Somewhere around third year, it had stopped being in jest. Lily was no longer a prissy, stuck up little school girl. She was becoming a smart, talented and fiery young woman who did not think twice before putting anyone, particularly James, in their place. And James found that he rather admired her for it. 

Obviously he was aware that if he ever wanted Lily Evans to reciprocate those feelings, he would have to modify his behavior. However, at thirteen, fourteen or even fifteen years old, James felt that there were more important things in his young life that came before trying to impress some bird. Even if he did believe her to be The One.

Sirius needed James more. He needed a partner in crime, a kindred spirit, a _brother_. He needed the pranks and the jokes to keep his mind off the problems at home.

Remus needed him as a reason to laugh and to feel included and accepted. He needed to be a part of something bigger, to leave his legacy at Hogwarts as more than just a werewolf.

 Peter needed him so he was reminded of how useful and smart he was. He needed to know that he was an equal and valued person, and that he could do things that others could not and he was appreciated for it. 

The Marauders came first, and growing up for the sake of Lily Evans' attention could certainly wait...couldn't it?

Again he heard Sirius sigh. He turned back around and put a hand on James' shoulder. "You're my best friend. My brother. I want you to be happy." The corner of Sirius' lips tugged up and his face went a very soft shade of pink. "Moony and I are happy. I want that for you as well, you know?" 

James snorted. "Sappy git." 

"Idiot." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Look, all I'm trying to say is...you don't even have to give up on Evans altogether. Maybe just, y'know, give some other girls a go? Plenty of kelpies in the lake and all that." 

James nodded silently and Sirius squeezed his shoulder. "You alright, then?" 

 "Yeah." Said James, forcing a smile. "I'm fine. You're right. I should try dating a bit, shouldn't I?" 

Sirius nodded, a smirk forming on his face. "Only if you don't want your right hand to break off from overuse." He laughed and ducked when James' hand swatted at him. 

 "You're such a prat." James grumbled. He sighed and took out his wand. "Alright, enough about my lack of a love life. We've got to charm the feet off these cauldron's eh?" 

 

 


	53. Plenty of Kelpies in the Lake - Year Six

"We have been slacking, my fellow Marauders." James announced loudly, closing the door to the dorm room behind him with an echoing thud. There was no response from any of his friends, however. Frowning, he looked around the room. Peter was laying flat on his back on his bed, fast asleep and snoring loudly. No surprise there, considering none of them knew just what time he had returned to the dorm from his date the previous night, if he had returned at all. 

 Sirius' bed was, of course, untouched as he and Remus normally slept in the latter's. The curtains to Remus' bed were shut, and though there was no sound coming from it, James could see the slight, tell-tale movement of the cot.

Groaning in frustration, James pulled the curtain open. 

 Luckily his friends were both fully clothed, though by the way Sirius' hand was currently shoved down Remus' trousers, they hadn't been planning to remain so for long. The two boys reluctantly broke their, quite rough looking, lip lock to glare at James.

 "What the fuck, Potter?" Sirius asked, the annoyance in his voice faltering slightly as Remus, who merely growled at the interference before returning to the task at hand, sharply bit at his neck to draw the attention from the boy beneath him back. 

 "Would you two stop bloody pawing at each other for a minute?" James huffed, crossing his arms. "I'm calling a Marauder meeting."

 "Can't it wait?" Sirius managed before he gasped and moaned, hips arching to meet his boyfriend's. 

"It can and it will," Remus' eyes flashed dangerously at James and he reached to pull the curtains back around them, but James held it firmly open.

 "It can _not_ wait, you horny mutts!" He insisted. "Come on! Marauders come first, remember?" He was nearly whining now. He couldn't help it. He felt like his friends were hardly around anymore and none of them ever wanted to do anything but shag. 

 "Too right you are, Prongs." The low rumble of Remus' voice actually surprised James a little, although the full moon was drawing very close. "And as a Marauder, I cannot emphasize how important it is that we do ' _come first'_." 

 "Merlin, you're hot when you're like this Moons..." Sirius breathed in awe, gazing up at the other boy adoringly. Then they were snogging again, heedless to the fact that James was still standing there with the bed curtain gripped firmly in his fist.

 "Mate, unless you - _ah_!- want to watch, I suggest you close that back up and shove the bloody hell off." Said Sirius, failing to stay composed as Remus continued his assault on his neck and undid the buttons of his shirt. "I mean...myself, I'm an exhibitionist, but Moony..." James' face went hot as he automatically followed Sirius' gaze and saw that Remus was unzipping Sirius' fly, eyes yellow and glowing and locked onto Sirius' face. He looked nearly predatory.  Sirius chuckled, but his voice cracked just a little and he swallowed. "well, right now you couldn't stop him if you tried, but he'll be right ticked off when he comes to his senses." 

 With an aggravated sigh, James yanked the curtain closed and stormed over to his bed. Bloody moon making his bloody friends bloody insatiable...

 He glanced back at Peter, still out cold and drooling all over his pillow. He considered hitting him with a cold jet of water from his wand to wake up, but he thought the better of it. 

 _I'm being selfish_ , He thought, running a hand through his hair. _My friends are all happy and I'm just feeling abandoned and sorry for myself._

 He flicked his wand towards Peter's bed and the curtains swung closed around the snoozing boy before quietly leaving the dorm. It was a fairly nice afternoon in late October. Maybe a little chilly, but the sun was shining and the Quidditch pitch wasn't assigned to any of the teams for practice. He decided he'd take out his frustration on some quaffles and work on some new moves on his broom. 

 The portrait swung open to allow him out of Gryffindor Common Room and he climbed through. He stopped short.

 "I just want to talk to her."

"Well she doesn't want to talk to you, as she's made perfectly clear." 

James stayed silent. Neither Snape nor Mary had noticed him standing there. He should just keep walking, but he didn't like the idea of leaving Mary alone with that creep either. 

 Mary made a move to walk away and Snape reached out and caught the sleeve of her blouse. Mary's brown eyes narrowed on the Slytherin and she yanked her arm away sharply. James' hand moved cautiously to his own wand in his pocket, ready to intervene.

 "Don't you-" Mary began to threaten.

"Would- _ugh_ ," Snape sighed. "Would you at least tell her I stopped by?"

Mary laughed sharply. "Stopped by? You've practically been sleeping out in the bloody hall! She doesn't want to see you, Snape. So give it up."

 Severus was just as stubborn as ever, and James had to wonder when that prat would learn to let things go and move on. How many werewolves would he have to accidentally stumble upon before he figured out how to stay away from people who didn't want him around? Regardless, he didn't seem to be taking Mary's words to heart. 

James cleared his throat loudly and the two of them spun around, surprised.

 "Alright, Mary?" He asked, his eyes remaining on Snape who's face fell immediately into a scowl at the sight of him.

 Mary nodded, smiling reassuringly at James before she too looked at the Slytherin boy. "Everything's fine. Severus was just-"

 "He was just leaving, I'm sure." Said James firmly, giving Snape a meaningful , if not just a little threatening, look.

Severus dark eyes glared sharply into James' and he slowly exhaled. "Yes." He muttered. "I was just leaving." He looked back at Mary. "Sorry to have bothered you, Miss Macdonald." He said, barely moving his lips as he spoke. He lingered a moment longer, his gaze falling longingly on the portrait as if he thought maybe he could see Lily right through it, and the he left. Both James and Mary watched him until he was completely out of sight. 

 "He can't take a bloody hint, can he?" James grumbled and he heard Mary sigh beside him. 

"Apparently not. He's been trying to get Lily to speak to him since the start of term. She won't have it though." She looked at James and smiled. "Thanks for intervening. I don't think he'd have let up as easily if it were only me."

 "Any time." Said James, returning the friendly tone. "Although I think you actually were faring pretty well on your own. I think you could've taken him of you had to." He smirked as the girl laughed in response. She had quite a nice laugh, he noticed. In fact, nearly everything about Mary was pleasant. She was quite petite, and her strawberry blonde hair fell in waves to about her mid back, with a wispy fringe that ended just before her large brown eyes. And he had never noticed the spattering of freckles along the bridge of her nose. 

Suddenly aware that he was staring, James cleared his throat. "Well, er...I'm off to the Quidditch pitch. See you around, then?"

 "See you." Said Mary, in her usual bubbly voice with a small wave of her hand as she headed back into the dorm.

 Maybe Sirius was right...there certainly were plenty of other girls at Hogwarts than just Evans. 

-

By the time James was able to get the Marauders together for a meeting, they all agreed to it too late to plan a successful prank by Halloween night.

 "Besides," Said Remus, his voice already sounding tired as he laid his head in Sirius' lap. "The timing is bad. We always get caught for our Halloween pranks, there's no getting around it, everyone knows it's us. You lot would end up in detention the following Friday and that's the full."

James let out a loud groan and flopped back onto his bed. "We never plan anything these days!" 

 "Careful," Peter snickered. "Any more dramatic than that and you may out-Queen Sirius." 

Sirius flicked his wand towards Peter, hitting him with a quick stinging jinx and he yelped. James didn't respond at all, he just folded his arms over his chest and pouted, staring up at his canopy. He was starting to feel childish in his jealous behavior, but something eventually had to give. Just because they were all in relationships and he wasn't, didn't mean they just all of the sudden had no time for him at all...

 "Well what if we threw a party instead," Suggested Sirius, eyeing James with mild concern as his normally much more collected best friend seemed to be throwing a temper tantrum more commonly displayed by...well...himself. "We haven't done that in a while, and as long as it doesn't make it to the wrong set of ears, no one could get in trouble and no one misses the full moon."

 After a second or two of consideration, James rolled on his side to face the other raven haired boy. "We could nick some firewhiskey from Rosemerta's. She's always easy to bribe into slipping us whatever we need." A slow grin was spreading across James' face and the aching jealousy in his chest started to ease up as Sirius' expression matched his own. 

 "I'm sure Peeves will be down to help us spook some of the firsties as well if we want to plan just a little Halloween prank." Sirius' eyes lit up before he even finished the sentence, ideas filling his mind. "Nearly headless Nick as well."

James sat up, perching on the edge of his bed as he and Sirius began to toss ideas back and forth, with Peter and Remus chiming in here and there with ideas of their own. 

This, James thought fondly, was what he was missing. It didn't matter to him that he was the only single, still-a-virgin Marauder. What mattered is that he missed the adrenaline he use to get when the four of them sat together in a circle to plot out their biggest and best ideas. The Marauders were suppose to be about each other first, and the rest of the world after. What was best for the group and not them individually or, in Sirius and Remus' case, as a couple. They were a family before anything on the side. And with the way the outside world was starting to look, and the supposed war on its way, James was determined to make sure they all remembered that golden rule. 

-

"So I was thinking about going out tonight after the Halloween feast," Said Lily, glancing up from her Transfiguration homework to address the other girls. "It'll be fun. There's tons to do in Hogsmeade on Halloween."

Marlene frowned up at her, looking confused. "Haven't you heard? The boys were throwing a party in the common room tonight."

 "Oh." Lily blinked back at her. "Er...No, I hadn't heard actually." She was surprised. Normally something like this would have been an opportune moment for Potter to ask her, in one obnoxious way or another, to be his date for the night. But he had done no such thing.

 In fact, now that she thought about it, Potter hadn't said much more than 'Pass the pumpkin juice' to her in over a week. Odd.

"We don't have to go, of course." Dorcas piped up as she noticed the conflicted look on Lily's face. "If you'd rather go out, we could-"

Lily shook her head. "No," She said quickly, forcing a laugh. "No, don't be silly. Of course we'll stay for the party here. I mean...For all the trouble those boys are worth, they do know how to throw a good bash, don't they? It's fine." She dipped her quill back into the ink well and went back to answering McGonagall's homework questions just as the portrait swung open.

In came Potter and Black themselves, loudly as usual, discussing the plans for the party that supposedly everyone in Gryffindor Tower had heard about, sans Lily. She watched with mild amusement as Sirius pulled bottle after bottle of alcohol from a book bag that did not look nearly large enough to fit all he had managed.  

 "Enough to spike the punch and then some, eh?" He grinned proudly at Potter.

"Merlin," Lily shook her head, laughing softly. "You two really can't go a day without practically committing a felony, can you?"

 James smirked, giving a small shrug. "We're Marauders, it's what we do."

"Bullocks." Said Lily, still smiling as she pointed to the over stuffed arm chair across the room. "Remus is over there, reading and not causing any trouble. He's a Marauder as well, isn't he?"

Both James and Sirius exchanged a look before they howled with laughter.

 "You think we should be more like Remus?" James chortled, nodding to his friend who was, in fact, sitting with his nose in a book.

"Remus is stoned out of his pretty little head right now, Evans." Sirius chuckled, eyeing his boyfriend with adoration as Lily's face fell and she stared at her fellow prefect in shock. "He's probably read the same bloody sentence in that book five times and still hasn't a clue what it said."

 There was a loud groan from behind the large book Remus was holding and the werewolf let it fall into his lap. "More like twelve times, and I still haven't the slightest idea how to answer this bloody transfiguration homework." He rubbed his already bloodshot eyes.

 Sirius snorted. "That would be because that's your potions textbook, Moony m'love."

Remus frowned and turned the book in his lap over. "Oh for bloody fuck- _ugh_. Fuck it. It's not due til Monday anyway." He tossed the book onto the table in front of him and stood up, stretching his arms over his head until something cracked loudly. "I'm bloody hungry. I'm going to the kitchens." He gave Sirius a significant look and the shorter boy grinned.

 "Sorry, Prongsie. We'll be back in a bit to help set up, yeah?" Sirius shocked the book bag into the arms of James, who looked slightly put off but sighed and waved him along. Sirius gave one last nod to the rest of them. "Ta, ladies. See you all tonight." And hurried off after Remus like a trained Labrador.

 "See if you can at least bring up some pumpkin pasties while your down there!" James called after them with a sigh. "Pete doesn't like them so of course he didn't get any. Always bloody thinking of his own stomach and no one else's..." He trailed off as Sirius and Remus were already gone.

The girls were all giggling at their antics when James turned back to face them. "Honestly, it's like those two can't keep their hands off each other for five damn minutes. They never use to be this bad..."

 Lily frowned, something about the way Potter spoke was different. Sad, almost. He had never seemed to have an issue with his two closest friends being together before. She almost wanted to ask-

"Are you alright, James?" Mary beat her to it.

 Potter's expression quickly changed back and he smiled charmingly at her. "Yes, of course. Sorry, just thinking of all I've got to get finished before tonight."

"Would you maybe like some help?" Mary asked, placing her quill and ink back in her own bag.

 James' hand darted up to his hair. But it wasn't in that obnoxious, purposeful way he usually did it that drove Lily up a tree. He gave a little shrug, his eyes lingering on Mary's for just a moment longer than necessary. "Well sure, if you girls aren't too busy?"

Marlene was already packing up her things. "Sorry, maybe later if you still need. But Dory and I actually have to stop down by McGonagall's office. The shower in the girl's quidditch lockers won't stop chanting Slytherin cheers ever since the last match we lost to them."

 "It's doing it on purpose to get a rise out of us, I swear." Dorcas grumbled, throwing her bag over her shoulder and waiting for her girlfriend. "But we'll see you lot tonight!"

Lily stared between James and Mary for a moment, suddenly feeling very misplaced. "Er...I've actually got to finish with this assignment...so I...I'll just be up in the dorm room then." She collected her things hurriedly. She had no idea why she felt so anxious, but the common room suddenly seemed stuffy and she quickly bolted toward the girl's dorm leaving behind a very confused James and Mary.


	54. Halloween 1976 (part 1) - Year Six

Sirius Black knew James Potter like he knew himself. 

 He knew when James was plotting an ingenious prank because his hazel eyes would grow to nearly twice the size of his glasses. His lips would twitch up in a smirk and the tip of his tongue would poke out the left side of his mouth as he concentrated on the finer details. 

 He knew when James was about to make a fool of himself in front of Lily Evans. A hand shooting up to ruffle his already messy mop of hair and a cocky grin on his face. His voice would sink an octave lower and his gate would change from quick paced walk to a slow swagger, approaching the red head and preparing to blurt out whatever ridiculous poem, sonnet or speech he had prepared.

 He knew when James was angry. It took a lot to get James Potter angry, and once he was it would take days of avoidance tactics before the boy finally exploded. He'd pace a lot, and grumble under his breath. He'd be on the Quidditch pitch trying dangerous new moves on his broom or chucking a quaffle as hard as he could. Then eventually he'd confront whoever or whatever was angering him and finally there'd be yelling. But it wasn't yelling the way Sirius yelled. It wasn't insults and swearing and shit he would regret later on. It was more like when a parent yells, and they make you feel utterly guilty for disappointing them. 

 And Sirius knew when James was upset. It didn't happen often at all, but Sirius still knew. First he'd act indignant. There was pouting and whining and huffing as he tried to pretend that he really was okay, honest, and nothing was bothering him. Then he'd force a laugh and a smile and wave off any concern anybody expressed to him. But Sirius could see past it. Because the laugh never reached his eyes and it always ended in a forlorn sigh. 

 "Prongs needs to get laid." Sirius mused out loud as he leaned against the cold glass of the greenhouse. 

"Sirius," Remus growled, resting his forehead against his boyfriend's bare thigh and trying to control the urge to throttle him. "Are you really thinking about _James_ when I have my mouth around your-!"

"No! I mean...well I guess that's not entirely true. _Ow_!" Sirius flinched when Remus pinched him and glared down at the boy kneeling on the ground in front of him. "No need to get violent, Moony!"

 "You were thinking about James while I was sucking you off, you prat!" Remus stood up and brushed the dirt off his knees. Sirius' eyes went wide. 

 "Come on, Moony! Don't stop!" He pouted, grabbing the werewolf by the wrist and pulling him close to nuzzle against his neck. "I'm sorry, love. I was distracted. Please keep going?" He pressed his lips to the sensitive skin of Remus' throat and one of his hands slid down, past the waist of the boy's jeans to give him a teasing squeeze through the fabric of his boxers. 

Remus sighed, pressing up against Sirius' hand despite his annoyance. He cupped Sirius chin with one hand, tilting his face up and smirking a little when their eyes met. 

 Sirius gave a small shudder as the bright amber eyes locked on his and moaned when he felt Remus' lips cover his own. Remus wasted no time at all before parting Sirius' lips with his tongue and exploring every inch of his mouth. He gave him a gentle but firm shove so he was pinned against the greenhouse and growled softly as he ground his hips against the other boy's. 

 Sirius had a feeling this was what was bothering James so much lately. Not that he and Remus hadn't always had a...very enthusiastic...sex life, but recently Sirius found himself being dragged off to broom cupboards or behind greenhouses more often than usual. 

 He certainly wasn't one to complain. He enjoyed every incredible, hot moment of his boyfriend's suddenly and mysteriously overactive libido. But he couldn't blame James for feeling like they had abandoned him. 

 Now, however, was clearly not the time to worry about James' abandonment complex. Not when Remus' mouth was leaving a hot, wet trail of kisses down the column of his throat, making him whine and writhe against the greenhouse glass. 

 "Moony..." He moaned, fingers tangling in Remus' soft curls as the werewolf kissed down his chest and continued downward. 

"Sirius..."

Sirius' eyes snapped open. That wasn't Remus' voice. He looked down to see Remus' eyes baring into him, looking irritated. He bit his lip.

"Sirius!" 

Remus sighed. "Answer it." He stood once again. "You're right. James is obviously going through... _something_. So go on and answer him before he has a meltdown." He smiled and pressed his lips to Sirius' temple in a sweet gesture that was only slightly contradicted by the possessive growl of "But you're mine later." Against his ear.

Sirius smirked. "One hundred percent yours, Moony. I promise." He reached into the pocket of his leather jacket and retrieved his two way mirror. "James?"

 James' face appeared where Sirius' reflection had been. 

 "Alright, mate?" Sirius asked.

"Er, yeah..." James said slowly, frowning a little and ruffling his hair. "I did what you said, Pads. I asked Mary out." 

-

"Alight," Sirius sighed, rubbing his temples and leaning against the post of James' bed where Remus and Peter were sitting on either side of James himself, who looked slightly panicked at what he had done.  "When I said you should go for any other girl than Evans, I didn't mean for you to pick her best bloody friend of all people!"

 "Technically Marlene is her best friend." James tried weakly to defend himself.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Her best straight friend, then."

 "How did this happen exactly?" Remus asked, frowning a bit. "It just seems so...out of nowhere..."

James huffed and crossed his arms. "I was getting the common room ready for tonight and she offered to help. She asked me if I had some big elaborate plan to ask Evans to be my date for the night since apparently Evans didn't even know there was a party, and they all assumed she was kept out of the loop on purpose so I could do something big," He glared as his friends all snickered to themselves. "And I told her I wasn't planning to ask Evans at all. Then she said, and I'm not making this up, 'so you're planning to go stag then?'" The other three all snorted at the girl's brilliant use of a pun she wasn't even aware of. "And I laughed and she laughed, even though she didn't know why, obviously...and then I said I was actually wondering if maybe she'd like to be my date for the evening."

 "And she just said yes?" Peter raised an eyebrow. "Just like that?"

James frowned. "Why does it seem so unrealistic that a girl would say yes to having a date with me?"

 "Well because we've never seen it happen." Sirius smirked. "And because she's close with Evans and...I don't know, it's not like you two have ever even had a chat on your own before, let alone shown an interest in each other." 

 "How would you lot even know?" Said James coldly, making the other three stop laughing immediately and stare at him in surprise. "You've all been off snogging and shagging like bloody rabbits since September. How would you know how much time I've spent with Macdonald?"

Sirius, Remus and Peter exchanged guilty looks before their eyes dropped to avoid James'. He had a point. 

 "It's not like I've asked the bird to marry me! I didn't even ask her to be my girlfriend. I asked her to be my date for a bloody common room Halloween party. You're the ones who told me to put myself out there, so I've done it and now you're judging who I've chosen to put myself out there to." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration and stood up from the bed, turning to face the others. "I know Mary well enough to have things to talk about. She's a nice bird and she's good looking and easy to get along with and-" he paused, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You know what... _why_ am I even explaining myself to you lot? I don't _owe you_ an explanation. I certainly didn't ask you two for one when you were all but crying to me about your feelings for each other for two whole years," he glared at Remus and Sirius. "And I hid under the damn invisibility cloak and followed you and Emmeline around on your first date to make sure you didn't make a right fool of yourself, didn't I?" His eyes landed on Peter. "So why am I the one that gets a bloody interrogation?"

The other three gaped at him, completely speechless. Never had James Potter had an explosion like that, and especially not directed at any of them. And the worst part was, none of them could deny that they deserved it.

After a moment he took a deep breath and dragged both hands slowly through his hair, forcing a smile at them.

 "Er..." He laughed weakly. "Sorry about that, I just-" 

"No," said Remus gently. "Don't apologize. You're absolutely right, James. We've treated you unfairly. You've always supported all of us without a second thought and this is not the way we should repay you. We haven't been very good friends lately. I'm sorry." 

 Peter nodded along with Remus' words. "I'm sorry too, Prongs."

 "Yeah, mate." Sirius agreed. "You can date any bird you like, no judgement here. And er...Sorry for being so...you know... _busy_ all the time." He glanced sideways at Remus, whose face tinged pink. 

 James bit his lip, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously. "I, ah...I mean, I get it, you know? We're sixteen, we've all got hormones raging and shit. I'm sure if I had someone to unleash all that on, I'd rather be off doing that than plotting silly pranks-"

 "Whoa," Peter's eyes went wide and he held up both hands. "'Silly Pranks'? James Potter is that really you?" 

"Yeah, Prongs." Sirius laughed. "Sure, we may have been getting a tad carried away with our personal lives, but we're still Marauders first." 

 "We're really sorry if you felt we abandoned you." Remus concluded simply. 

James nodded. "Er...right. Good...thanks." He cleared his throat, looking at his friends who were all still staring at him awkwardly. "So...I don't know, this feels oddly like one of those moments we're all meant to hug or something but...no offense, I love you all I just really don't want to."

 "Right, because we're grown men now. No group hugs." Sirius said in a mockingly solemn tone. "Shots then? To get the party started?"

James and Peter both excitedly agreed, but Remus shook his head with a soft chuckle. "I think, more traditionally speaking anyway, you're suppose to end an argument with a peace pipe, lads." He stood and crossed the room to his own four poster, opening the top drawer of his bedside table and returning with an already perfectly rolled joint. "Not a pipe exactly, but it's the same idea."

 "And that's why you're the smart one, Moony." James sighed happily, patting Remus on the back as they all headed over to the window and climbed out onto the roof.

-

Lily Evans was completely and utterly confused.

 "I'm sorry," She sputtered, feeling as if she must have simply heard wrong amongst all the excited chatter in the Great Hall. " _Who_ did you say asked you to be their date?"

Mary sighed, clearly having expected this reaction from her friend. "James asked me. And I said yes, Lily."

 "Yes, I...I got that part. The part I don't really seem to grasp is _why?"_

Dorcas rolled her eyes and leaned over to pile some more pudding onto her plate. "Lily, when are you going to give up on this whole 'James Potter is the bane of my existence' act? I thought you two were finally getting on well."

 "We are." Said Lily, poking at her own meal with her fork. "I just-"

" _And_ ," Marlene butted in. "Didn't you say the only reason Potter still got on your nerves were all those obnoxious date invites and proclamations of his undying love?" The blonde took a forkful of pudding off her girlfriend's plate. "So realistically, if he's dating Mary, haven't you gotten exactly what you wanted all along?"

 Lily blinked, her mouth agape as she realized that yes, that was what she wanted. But something about it just didn't seem satisfying whatsoever. "I just don't want to see you get hurt, Mary." She said finally, sitting up a little straighter.

Mary raised an eyebrow at her. "You think I'll get hurt?"

 "Well you know how much of a jerk Potter can be." Lily reasoned with her, looking at Marlene and Dorcas for back up, which they did not supply.

"I don't actually." Said Mary, folding her arms and regarding the redhead with a challenging stare. "He's always been nice to me. In fact, he's nice to almost everyone except Severus, and you two aren't even friends anymore. So what's the problem, Lily? Why are you so determined to hate James Potter for the rest of your life?"

And Lily realized she hadn't the slightest idea.

 

 

 


	55. Halloween 1976 (Part 2) - Year Six *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Warning: This chapter has sexual content and underage drinking.  
> Queen owns the lyrics to Good Old Fashioned Loverboy

 

 _What is wrong with me_? 

Lily took a long sip from her third strongly spiked, and admittedly delicious, drink as she gazed across the crowded common room. 

 The party, like anything the Marauders set out to do, was loud and energetic and thriving. The common room was packed with what most definitely was every Gryffindor student, plus a great deal of Hufflepuffs and a handful of Ravenclaws. Music was blasting from the record player. The sound of Marlene and Sirius' combined, drunken voices carried over all of the party noises as they gave quite an entertaining, and slightly off key, performance of Queen's Somebody To Love, much to Dorcas and Remus' embarrassment. 

 Some first year girls were still shrieking after they had reached into a bowl of Ice Mice only to find that there was a live rat among the sweets, which quickly scampered across the table and disappeared. Now the girls, recruiting the closest elder student, Hufflepuff Emmeline Vance for assistance, were frantically searching for the rodent while Peter, who seemed to have shown up out of nowhere, looked on with amusement and a distinctly proud smirk. 

 And yet, above all the commotion (and the exceedingly dramatic duet from Sirius and Marlene) Lily couldn't stop staring across the room at Mary.

Mary had her shiny, reddish blonde hair pulled back in a high ponytail and away from her pale, lightly freckled, round face. She was wearing a slinky, black velvet dress with white knee high socks and a pair of black Mary Janes. She had very little makeup on, just some shimmer that made her look as if she were flowing in the light of the fireplace, some soft purple shadow that made her brown eyes pop, and pink lipstick. She looked very pretty tonight. Not that Mary wasn't always very pretty, but she looked somehow different while she laughed at Marlene and Sirius, her arm linked around James Potter's. 

 Potter, Lily noticed, wasn't watching the two drunk Freddie impersonators at all. He was watching Mary laugh, and he was smiling at her. Apparently he thought she was very pretty tonight as well. 

  _Well, good then._ She thought to herself, tearing her eyes away from the pair of them _. It's about time Potter got out of my hair and became someone else's problem_.

 She lifted her cup to her lips and frowned slightly, discovering that it was in fact empty. "Bugger." She muttered. She glanced back to the table where the punch bowl was set up. She had a feeling if she stood and walked over, the alcohol that Sirius had undoubtedly dumped into the refreshment would begin to take effect. She could feel the heat in her cheeks. 

 "Having fun?" 

Lily nearly fell off her chair. "Merlin, Remus!" She clutched at her chest. "I didn't know you were behind me!"

Remus chuckled and leaned on his elbows on the high top table that Lily was seated at. "Sorry. You seemed like you were off in your own world. I know how much of that punch you've had," He smirked knowingly at her. The same 'I can see right through your lies' look he used when younger students were caught out of bounds and trying to give him all sorts of excuses. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

 "I'm fine." Said Lily, her voice going an octave too high. She cleared her throat and told herself that the heat in her face was still completely alcohol related. "Sorry," she smiled at him. "I'm fine, Remus. Why wouldn't I be?" 

Remus shrugged, taking a swig from the beer bottle he was holding. "Sitting here all alone, staring off into the distance with this frustrated look on your face like you can't figure out some sort of complicated Arithmancy equation. It's a party, Lily. Mingle." 

She sighed, looking longingly down at her empty cup. 

 "...Lily?" Remus' deep voice sounded both amused and concerned. 

"Sorry," She mumbled. "S'empty." 

She heard him snort and knew without looking that he was rolling his eyes. "Now that is a problem, isn't it?" He offered his arm to her and she took it. As she stood she was pleasantly surprised that she didn't get nearly as bad a head rush as she thought she would have. She leaned on Remus' shoulder regardless as they crossed the room to the punch bowl. 

 A couple of second year boys that had been congregating around the refreshment table froze when they saw the two prefects approaching. 

 "It's a party, lads. We're off duty." Said Remus. "However, I strongly suggest giving it a second thought before you set off those fireworks...We may not be doling out detention tonight, but that would certainly draw Mcgonagall's attention. And you wouldn't want to face the wrath of your classmates if the party got cut short and the whole house got detention, eh?" 

 A guilty expression passed over the younger boys' faces and they mumbled an apology as Remus held his hand out and they reluctantly forfeited the explosives. 

Remus gave a smug smile as he watched the underclassmen run off, looking defeated and disappointed. 

Lily laughed softly. "You're so good at that." 

 Remus chucked and shook his head. "I've lived with James and Sirius going on six years. I can always tell when someone is planning to blow something up." He looked around for a moment. "Hey Pete," 

 A few feet away, Peter paused his snogging session with Emmeline to acknowledge Remus. "Yeah mate?" 

Remus grinned. "Catch." He tossed the firecrackers he had nicked from the second years to his friend, who caught them and gave a questioning look. "Just don't let Sirius have them unless you clear it with me first, yeah?" 

 "Right. No explosives for Padfoot, got it." Peter smirked. He excused himself from Emmeline and headed up to the dorm to hide them. 

 Lily watched as Remus busied himself with pouring her her drink. She hummed softly. "I'm surprised you're not over there watching Sirius' little show." She nodded to where Sirius and Marlene were still rocking out, adding ridiculous dance moves to their performance.

A strange look passed over Remus' face and he licked his lips as his eyes briefly locked on his boyfriend. Maybe it had been her imagination but she thought she saw him shudder. "Er..." Remus looked back down at the punch bowl. "I needed to get away for a moment I suppose." 

 Lily frowned. "Are you two alright?" 

"Yeah," It was Remus' voice that cracked and gave up his pretense this time. "Er...I mean... _we_ are, really. I think I'm just...going through something personally, that's all. It's nothing he's done." 

 "Anything I could help with?" Asked Lily, feeling truly concerned with just how anxious Remus had become so suddenly. 

He shook his head. "I don't think so...I-I think it may be related to...y'know." 

"Oh." Lily said softly, her eyes drifting to the window where the nearly full moon was shining bright in the night sky. Remus cleared his throat for her attention and handed her drink to her. She accepted it wordlessly.

 "Can I ask you something?" Remus asked after a few moments, his eyes following her gaze which had at some point found Mary and James once again. They were no longer watching Marlene and Sirius, but talking quietly amongst themselves and standing too close to be considered casual. "Lil?" 

 Lily shook herself. "O-of course, Remus. Anything." She smiled. 

"Does it bother you that James asked Mary out tonight?" There was that bloody know-it-all-Lupin look again. "Humor me, I need a distraction." His voice rumbled low in his chest as his eyes locked back on Sirius. He was dancing quite provocatively, and was clearly doing it on purpose to get his boyfriend's attention. In the back of her mind Lily wondered just how the boy managed to move at all in such tight jeans. 

Remus took a deep breath and forced himself to look at Lily instead. 

 Lily sighed, perhaps it was the alcohol she had consumed or maybe Remus just had some sort of psychic ability to force people to tell the truth...

 "It does." She admit quietly, looking down at the liquid in her cup.

"Why?" Remus asked.

She shook her head. "I don't know." It wasn't a lie. She really had no idea what was bothering her about the whole thing. 

Remus took a moment to consider her answer. "Would you like me to ask him not to pursue it further?"

 Lily choked on her punch. "What?" She coughed. "N-no. Why? Potter can date whoever he wants, obviously! It's not like I want to date him or anything."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it?" 

"Of course it isn't!" She insisted firmly. "Don't be ridiculous, Remus. Me and Potter? Could you imagine?" She laughed at the idiocy of it. "Besides, don't you think I've had plenty of opportunities to go out with him? If I wanted to, it would have happened already." 

 Remus nodded, a small smile playing at his lips. "Right. Of course." He shrugged. "I was only asking, because-" He stopped short, his words catching in his throat and his eyes going wide. Lily frowned and followed his line of sight.

 "What-? Oh...!" 

-

_What is wrong with me?_

Remus thought desperately as Sirius sauntered over to him, his sharp grey eyes fixed on him and a devilish smirk on his face. The song had changed, but Sirius, ever the center of attention, was still singing along. 

_"I can dim the lights_

_And sing you songs full of sad things_

_We can do the tango just for two-"_

Normally Remus would find such a display completely embarrassing. Sirius was no stranger to dramatics obviously, but Remus usually had no problem either tuning them out completely or shooting them down, finding a guilty pleasure in the pout of disappointment he would draw from the other boy. But even as he told himself how ridiculously tacky Sirius' little seduction game was, he found himself unable to move or even breathe as Sirius got closer.

_"I can serenade and gently play_

_On your heart strings_

_Be your Valentino just for you-"_

 Remus swallowed hard past the lump in his throat, heat prickling up his neck to his cheeks as Sirius pushed him, with very little effort, against the wall of the common room. Everyone was watching them. How could they not be? 

_"Ooh love Ooh lover boy_

_What're doing tonight hey boy_

_Set my alarm turn on my charm_

_That's because I'm a good old fashioned lover boy-"_  

Remus could feel himself trembling, fighting to control the urge to flip their positions and pin the other boy down as Sirius pressed hotly against him, his too-bloody-perfect body moving against his own to the music. 

_"Ooh let me feel you heartbeat_

_(Grow faster faster)_

_Ooh can you feel my love heat_

_Come on and sit on my hot seat of love-"_

Of course Sirius had turned now, being sure to grind his arse, which was so wonderfully highlighted by those blasted tight jeans, against Remus. If this continued much longer, Remus was going to have a much more humiliating problem for the whole common room to see...or worse. Every fiber in his body vibrated with the need to throw Sirius down and-

"Sirius," He growled softly, his hands moving to grip the boy's swaying hips with an almost bruising pressure. " _Enough_."

 Sirius turned again in his arms to face him, a satisfied smirk playing at his lips. "Why? You've been ignoring me for hours. Had to get your attention somehow didn't I?" He was still moving along to Freddie Mercury's voice. 

 "Oh, you've got my attention." Remus uttered threateningly. His voice sounded distant and strange in his own head. It didn't seem to phase Sirius though. He pressed closer, his lips brushing against Remus' ear. 

 "You're loving it, Moons. Just let loose and enjoy yourself for once." 

Remus looked around quickly. Everyone else seemed to have gone back to their own business. Marlene had managed to drag Lily off to dance with her, having lost Sirius has her partner and unable to convince Dorcas to join. No longer in the spotlight, Remus grabbed Sirius' chin and kissed him roughly and with more force than he intended. 

 _Control yourself._ He thought firmly. But as if by its own accord, his voice said: "Upstairs. Now." Huskily against Sirius' lips. 

Sirius moaned, pulling away slightly to grin victoriously up at Remus. "I don't know what's gotten into you lately, but it's sexy as fuck." He grabbed Remus' wrist and pulled him eagerly towards the stairs and up to the dorm, closing the door behind them. No sooner had the door's lock clicked before Remus shoved Sirius against the wall and continued the assault on this mouth.

Sirius gasped in surprise, but it quickly turned into a loud groan of pleasure as Remus' hips ground insistently against his own. Sirius began to fumble with the button on Remus' faded, low hanging jeans until Remus sharply nipped at his lower lip, grabbed both of his wrists with one hand and pinned them above his head.

 This was not unfamiliar to Sirius. With only three days until the full moon, he had come to expect a rougher and more dominant side of Remus. And even though he knew that it made Remus a little uncomfortable to allow himself to behave in what he viewed as an animalistic manner, Sirius couldn't help but enjoy it. 

A lot. 

So much that he often taunted and teased the werewolf until he could draw this side out of him. He figured it was good for Remus to give in to those urges and that trying to hold back too much was probably not healthy. Sirius trusted Remus, and he wanted Remus to trust himself as well. He was _human_ , after all. He wouldn't hurt him.

 Remus had already pulled Sirius' black t-shirt over his head and tossed it aside. The hand not securing the shorter boy's wrists raked down Sirius' chest, leaving vibrant red marks that Sirius would secretly be proud of the following morning when he saw them in the mirror before his shower. 

 Sirius arched his back, his hips bucking to find friction against his boyfriend's as their lips and tongues continued to slide hotly together, swallowing every moan and gasp and breath from each other. 

 Remus popped the button on those ridiculously tight jeans that Sirius so shamefully wore, undoubtedly because he knew exactly what they did to the werewolf, and roughly yanked them down past his slim hips. No underwear of course. They probably wouldn't have fit under that bloody skin tight denim anyway...it took an extra few seconds to peel them down his legs and Sirius nearly tripped trying to kick them off.

 "Heh, sorry." Sirius muttered sheepishly as he finally managed to rid himself of the clingy denim. 

Remus quickly shed his own clothes and pressed against him again, nuzzling the scratchy stubble of his jaw and letting his hands roam all over Sirius' body. "Don't know why you insist on wearing such inconvenient things anyway..." 

 Sirius chuckled, melting into the touch. "Because they make you act like this when you see me in them..."

 Remus growled softly against his ear. "You haven't the slightest idea what makes me act like this." _I don't even know what's making me act like this_... He thought anxiously. It was just an echo, deep in the back of his mind and barely even coherent through all the lustful fog and the raw, predatory instinct that he normally only felt as the wolf. 

One of his hands reached around to give Sirius' arse a squeeze and he took a step back. "Get on the bed." 

 Sirius went happily without hesitation. He made quite a show of slowly crawling onto Remus' bed and laying across it, propping himself up on his elbows and smirking at the werewolf. To Sirius, this was just normal, sexy play. He had no idea how little control Remus had at the moment and how hard he was fighting to regain even an ounce of it. He didn't understand that for the last couple of months, every time Remus pulled him into a deserted class room to shag or sunk to his knees under the Quidditch stands to taste him, it was because he literally couldn't resist. He needed to feel, touch, smell, taste, _fuck_ Sirius in those moments or he felt he may actually die...

He probably should have told Sirius what was going on...

But he hadn't wanted to admit it. It felt too... _primal_. Inhuman...

 He stood at the edge of the bed, eyes hungrily taking in the gorgeous sight that was Sirius Black, so willingly offering himself to him. 

  _Take him_. The low, snarling voice that Remus usually shoved into the deepest, darkest corner of his head demanded. 

 Remus crawled over Sirius' body, hovering above him and staring down into his lust filled, grey eyes. He licked his lips as Sirius' hips bucked up to find his own. Remus grinned. 

 "Eager, aren't you?" 

Sirius laughed softly. "Aren't I always?" He wiggled his hips teasingly. "C'mon, Moony...I'm all yours..."

Something about what Sirius said pushed Remus over the edge. His eyes narrowed and he reached up, grabbing a fistful of Sirius' long hair and yanking his head back, exposing his beautiful pale throat and making him cry out softly from shock. 

 "Are you, now?" Remus growled, ducking his head to lick the column of the other boy's throat and fuck, he could literally smell Sirius' blood. It made him dizzy, almost drunk with desire and _hunger_.

 Sirius moaned in response, his hands fisting the sheets under him. "You know I am, Remus." He breathed shakily. 

 _Do it_. The voice filled Remus' head again and he desperately wanted to shake it off. He wanted to stop. This wasn't him. 

 _But it is you_.

He slid his free hand between their bodies to stroke and tease between Sirius' legs and reveled in the way his lover arched up to his touch. 

 _You want it. You want to taste him_.

"Remus..." Sirius moaned as Remus' fingers entered his body. 

 _He's so willing_.

Remus nipped softly at his neck, the scent of him too strong and tempting...

_Do it!_

"Remus...?" Sirius' voice wavered a little as Remus' teeth caught his skin again, a little sharper than usual. 

_Mark him. Make him yours!_

The hand in Sirius' hair tightened and pulled his head back again and Remus growled before sinking his teeth into the creamy, white flesh. 

His senses were in overload. His ears were ringing and his mind was completely blank. Everything around him seemed to have paused, or was at least moving very slowly.

The coppery taste of blood brought everything crashing back to reality. 

 

 


	56. Between Us - Year Six

 Remus jumped, almost falling off the bed as he quickly backed away from Sirius. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and felt like he was going to throw up when he saw the bright red staining his skin. 

Sirius slowly sat up, wincing from the stinging in his neck. "Remus...?"

Remus was violently trembling, his breath coming out in shaky gasps and he was staring at Sirius with wide, horrified eyes. 

 Sirius raised one hand to gingerly touch the place on his neck where Remus had bitten him. It was sore and sticky with blood, but that was the last thing he was worried about. He swallowed thickly, looking up at his panicking boyfriend. "...Remus, I-it's okay.." He said carefully, reaching out to him with his other hand. 

 Remus flinched. "D-don't." He recoiled into himself, shaking his head. "Sirius...I...what have I-?... _no_..." Both of his hands shot up, tightly gripping his hair as tears stung his eyes. 

 "It's okay, Moony..." Sirius said again, desperate to stop the downward spiral of emotions currently flickering over the other boy's face. "I'm fine-"

 "It's not okay!" Remus snapped. "Shit...I hurt you! I _bit_ you, Sirius! You're bleeding!" He was breathing too fast, hyperventilating almost. Sirius grabbed him by the shoulders.

 "Hey! Stop that, alright? It's not a big deal!  Look, it's not that deep or anything. It was an accident, you just got a little rough-"

 "I couldn't control myself!" Remus shouted in anguish, refusing to look at Sirius. "You don't understand-"

 Sirius frowned, his eyes narrowing slightly. "You think I don't understand what it's like to lose control and hurt someone?" He asked, a little more coldly than he wanted to.  "I nearly got you, James and Snape killed last year because I lost control." He gently cupped the other boy's cheek. "Remus," he forced him to meet his eyes. "You didn't do anything wrong, love. I'm okay, you're okay...it was an accident."

 Remus stared at him, his body still shaking with terrified tremors. "I'm a monster-"

 "You are _human_." Sirius said firmly, holding Remus' distraught stare with his own steady gaze. 

 "I bit you, Sirius!" 

"With your very human teeth, Remus!" He sighed and scooted closer, pulling Remus into his arms despite the noise of protest he made. He pressed his lips to the top of his head. "It's not like you've gone and bitten me on the full moon and turned me or anything. You got a little too enthusiastic in bed, it could happen to anyone. I could've done the same thing to you..." He smirked and nuzzled Remus' cheek teasingly. "I can, if you want to even the score y'know..."

 "It's not _funny_ , Sirius!" Remus protested, pulling away from him. He couldn't stand to be that close. The smell of Sirius' blood, still fresh on his neck, was so strong. "Something is _wrong_ with me..." He said quietly, wrapping his arms around himself. "It's not just tonight. I've been having trouble controlling these...these _urges_..." He shuddered. "It's been like this since we got back to school."

 Sirius was silent. His heart ached far more than the mark on his neck as he watched the flood of self loathing wash over Remus. 

 "I should have told you," Remus admit shamefully. "I should have told you I was having these feelings...we could have figured out how to make it stop...or at least how to keep you safe...f-from me." Again Remus' stomach lurched. He licked his lips and gagged as he could still taste Sirius' blood in his mouth. 

 "Hey," Sirius said softly, his hand sliding over to cover Remus' own, thumb gently stroking over his knuckles. "We'll figure this out. I promise." He gave a small smile, but Remus looked away. He sighed. "Why don't you go clean up, alright? You'll feel better. I'll take care of myself. It's not as bad as you think-"

 "It's going to scar." Remus muttered, he looked disgusted with himself as he stood up to head into the bathroom. "Full moon or not...I bit you. Broke skin. It's a magical bite...if anyone sees, they..." He let out another slow, shuddering breath. "They'll know you've been with someone like me." 

 To Remus' surprise, a full grin spread across Sirius' face and he cocked his head defiantly. "You think I care?" Sirius stood as well, wrapping his arms around Remus' neck and pressing their foreheads together. "I love you, Remus. I would never be ashamed of you. Bugger what anyone else thinks. And besides," He brought one of his hands to Remus' chest, tracing over a scar lightly with his finger tips. He smirked. "Scars are pretty fucking badass, aren't they?" 

 Remus laughed softly, eyes downcast and sniffling a little. "You're crazy, you know..."

Sirius nodded. "I do." He pressed a kiss to Remus' lips, not caring that his own blood was still there, dry and sticky. "Go wash up. We'll figure this out, Remus. Whatever it is that's going on with you...we're going to be okay." He held his breath as Remus took a moment to let everything he was saying sink in.

 "Okay." Remus nodded, forcing the faintest of smiles. "I guess I'll...I'll be out in a minute." He muttered, walking towards the bathroom. Sirius waited until the door was closed and he could hear the shower running before he went to the mirror.

 " _Shit_." He breathed, tilting his head back a bit to examine the mark just below his Adam's apple. It wasn't actively bleeding anymore, having not been very deep, but it would certainly bruise. In fact, he saw once he performed a quick cleansing and disinfecting spell to rid the dried blood, it was already starting to turn purple. Now that he had successfully managed to keep Remus from mentally tearing himself apart, at least for the moment until he could formulate a proper plan, he admit to himself that it was in fact very painful...and scary. But there wasn't a chance in hell he'd let Remus know that.

He rummaged through his trunk for the small first aid kit he normally brought with him to the shack during the full moon and picked out a couple of tiny potion bottles, mentally patting himself on the back for learning as much as he could about healer magic. He sat cross legged on the floor in front of the mirror and began to dab some of the healing potion onto the mark, hissing as his skin burned and slowly stitched itself back together. Remus was right, of course. He could already see a faint, silvery scar beneath the bruise.

He'd have to find a way to hide it. His school uniform would cover it at least, but not his regular v neck t shirts...

He had meant what he said about not caring what people thought, but the real problem was that if people at school saw the mark on him and recognized what it meant, everyone already knew that Remus was his boyfriend...

There goes Remus' secret.

He groaned in frustration. This was his own fault really. He had pushed Remus, knowing that his behavior recently had been a little off. He had taken advantage of Remus' condition yet again, using it to fit his own desires. _I am a despicable human being..._

Now the question was, what was he going to do about it?

Should he tell James and Peter? He didn't want either of them to worry, yet again, about his and Remus' relationship and the drama they seemed to be unable to avoid. For Merlin's sake, why couldn't he and Remus just be happily in love for a bloody minute without all hell breaking loose?

He sighed and carefully poked at the mark on his throat with his finger. The swelling was going down at least.

Remus' reflection appeared in the mirror behind him, brown curls still damp from the shower and wearing a t shirt and loose sweatpants. Sirius smiled as convincingly as he could, jumping to his feet and turning to face him. "Feeling any better?" He asked, trying to sound as normal as possible and not allow his boyfriend to see just how anxious he was himself.

 Remus gave a little shrug. "A little." He was lying, Sirius could tell. His still-too-yellow eyes were glued to the purple spot on Sirius' neck.

Sirius cleared his throat for his attention. "Hey," He muttered, smirking just a bit. "My eyes are up here, you know."

 Another forced laugh from the taller boy and Sirius sighed. "Let's lie down, yeah? You look like you're going to fall over." He reached out for Remus' hand.

Remus hesitated, biting his lip. "Sirius, maybe...j-just for now...until I figure out what's going on...maybe you should sleep in your own-"

 "Like hell I will." Sirius refused, grabbing the werewolf's hand. "I'm not going to let you 'figure it out', because you're shit at taking care of yourself when it comes to things like this! You can't just mope around feeling bloody sorry for yourself because of this, Remus." He lead him over to the bed they shared, that they would continue to share. "I know you. You'll be up all night driving yourself mad with guilt. The moon is just a few nights away, you need to rest or you'll make yourself sick."

 "But Sirius-"

"No, Remus!" He gently, but firmly, shoved the boy so that he was sitting on the bed. "What happened tonight is between _us_. As a couple. _We_ are going to handle it together." He sat down next to him. "I love you. And if there's something wrong with you, that makes it my problem as well. So I will not just leave you on your own. I'll sleep as Padfoot if it makes you feel better, but I will _never_ leave your side when you need me. Do you understand?"

By the end of Sirius' little rant, Remus was just gaping at him. He blinked a few times and finally he nodded. "Yes." He said quietly, his eyes dropping to his lap again. "I...you're right. I'm sorry."

Sirius smiled triumphantly. "Good." He scrambled back onto the bed, resting his head on the pillows and extending an arm as an invitation. "Now come here and give us a cuddle, you prat..."

The first real smile fell across Remus' face and he carefully climbed into bed, curling up beside Sirius and resting his head on his chest. Sirius flicked his wand and the curtains swung closed around them. They were both quiet for a while. Sirius' fingers were carding gently through Remus' hair while Remus lazily traced shapes on Sirius' chest and stomach with his own, both trying their best not to let their energies become too anxious again.

 "Sirius," Remus said after a while.

"Yeah?"

 "I..." He sighed. "I don't want James and Peter to know."

Sirius took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "I don't either." He kissed the top of Remus' head. "Like I said, this is between us. We are going to get through it together, Moony. I promise."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is a little on the short side. To be honest, I wanted to add another scene to it but as I was writing it, it felt like the right way to leave it off and the following scene would work to open the next chapter with.   
> I also wouldn't have it finished until probably Monday if I kept going...and after the cliffhanger from the last chapter, I didn't want to torture anyone!


	57. Lily's Love Lesson - Year Six

It was getting weird.

As if seeing Mary smiling at and holding onto the arm of James Potter at the party hadn't been strange enough, the following day was just bizarre.

At Breakfast Mary hardly gave the girls a second look before bypassing them completely to take the empty seat beside Potter, usually occupied by Black who hadn't bothered showing up at all, along with Remus.

It wasn't that it bothered Lily, really. It's just that she seriously questioned the boy's motives. Marlene and Dorcas didn't seem to share he concerns, however.

 "It sounds almost like your jealous." Marlene suggested later that day in Potions when Mary partnered herself with Potter.

 Lily scoffed and shook her head, crushing her bezoar as flat as possible.

 "Potter has harassed and pestered me for over five bloody years. Then one day he wakes up and decided to ask one of my best friends out instead? Sounds like Potter is trying to _make_ me jealous, more like." She slid her ingredients into her cauldron, beaming proudly when a soft yellow glow emerged. "That, plus Mary is suppose to be my parter. Where's Black? He's normally with Potter...no offense, Peter." She added quickly to the boy sitting across from her.

 "Sirius and Remus had...Er...a little too much fun at the party, I reckon." Peter explained, his watery blue eyes glued to the wheat grass he was carefully trying to chop into even bits. "They wouldn't get up this morning. But for the record, I do appreciate you partnering with me, Lily." He bit his lip nervously. "I know I'm not that good..."

 Lily smiled warmly at him and shook her head. "Not at all, Peter. Here, there's an easier way to chop that. I'll show you..."

 She was happy to have a free period that day and had decided to spend it in the one place she was sure she wouldn't run into Potter and Mary. Tucking herself into the farthest corner of the library, she pulled a muggle book from her bag and relaxed in her chair.

"Evans,"

 She had barely even opened to her marked page when she heard the hiss of her name. She looked around, blinking in confusion when she saw no one there.

" _Evans_!"

"Er...hello?" She looked behind her. Nothing.

 Slowly she turned back around and nearly jumped out of her skin when she found herself face to face with Sirius Black.

 "Sirius!" She yelped, smacking the boy over the head with her book. "What the hell were you trying to do, give me a heart attack?" Catching her breath and composing herself, she sat up slightly straighter. "Where on earth did you come from, anyway? And-" she paused, frowning at his unusual fashion statement. "Why are you wearing a scarf?"

  
 Sirius stared at her for a moment, anxiously worrying his lip between his teeth and looking as if he were very seriously contemplating exactly what he wanted to say.

Finally he sighed. "I need your help." His eyes met her's pleadingly. "And I need you to promise not to say anything to anyone about it."

-

 "Where are we going?" Lily asked as Sirius dragged her quickly through the corridors, occasionally ducking behind a suit of armor to avoid a teacher whose class he may have ditched for the day.

 "Somewhere private." Sirius answered vaguely. He was hardly paying any attention to her, focusing instead on trying to remain unnoticed.

 "Well, why don't we just go back to the-"

" _Shh_!" He clapped a hand over her mouth as Professor McGonagall and Professor Sprout passed by. Once they were gone, Sirius roughly yanked on Lily's arm, pulling her into a closet and locking the door behind him.

 Lily scowled at him, placing her hands irritably on her hips. "Alright, now will you tell me what's going on that you couldn't tell me in a normal place like, I don't know, the common room or your dorm?"  
 

 Again, Sirius sighed and gave her an apologetic look. "Sorry. I just...I promised Remus I wouldn't let anyone know what's going on...but I don't think we can handle this one by ourselves."

 Lily's entire demeanor softened. "Oh..." She whispered, remembering what Remus had said about something personal happening with him...something possibly to do with his lycanthropy. "Is he alright?"

 Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, adjusting the uncomfortable scarf he was wearing.

 "Er...he is. For now...physically anyway..." He licked his lips. He looked so different from the Sirius Black that Lily was use to seeing. He looked scared and unsure and very concerned and even a little lost.

 "Last night," his voice broke and he cleared his throat, trying to hide just how emotional he really was. "Well...you saw Remus and I last night...we left early to go...well... _y'know_..." He looked up at her to be sure she was following. She nodded to confirm. "Well...I mean, sometimes he can get a little...rough...when it's too close to the full moon and that's alright- _brilliant_ , actually- but...this time he...well, he lost control."

Lily frowned. "Lost control, how?"

Sirius hesitated for a second, his fingers trembling as they found the scratchy fabric wound around his neck. He slowly unraveled it.

"Oh, _Sirius_!" Lily gasped as the boy's throat was exposed, along with the dark purple mark that was clearly a bite...and not at all like the hickies most other students flaunted around the castle. "Remus must be heartbroken..."

 Sirius nodded. "He is and he's really beating himself up for it. That's why I didn't want to do this back at the dorm, I finally got him to relax enough to get some sleep. He was making himself sick over it all night." He ran a hand through his hair and swallowed thickly.

 "Apparently he's been having trouble controlling himself in... _that way_...for months and he was too embarrassed and stubborn to say anything. He was trying to take care of it himself like the prat he is." He shook his head, rolling his eyes.

 Lily bit her lip, watching Sirius and feeling awful for him. He was obviously very upset about the whole thing. But not because Remus had hurt him, that seemed to be the last thing on his mind. He was worried for the other boy. He was in pain knowing that Remus was suffering and that he couldn't do anything to make it better. "Do either of you know why it happened?"

"No." Sirius leaned against the wall heavily. "He's always been so careful about controlling himself, controlling the part of his brain that's not...not human..." He said the last part very quietly and shuddered.

 "Sorry," Lily said softly. "I admit, I don't know much about werewolves other than what little we learned in Defense. That bite," She tried to choose her words carefully. "I mean, since he wasn't transformed when he did it...you won't-?"

 "No!" Sirius said quickly, his eyes going wide. "No, it's nothing like that. It's just...well that's what I needed your help with. You see, it's going to scar and...like I said, Remus -well, both of us really - we don't want anyone to know it happened at all." His cheeks went pink. "You're really good at charms and girls know all those glamours to hide blemishes and the like...er...I was wondering if you could..." He gestured wildly at this neck.

 "Oh!" Said Lily, finally understanding what he was trying to say. "Er, yes. Yes, of course. It shouldn't be too hard to cover up..." She slid her wand out from her belt loop. She paused. "But...what about Remus? What are you going to do? He has to tell someone. Mcgonagall or Pomfrey or Dumbledore...they have to know this is happening before he hurts someone." She looked pointedly at the bite on Sirius' neck. "Before he _really_ hurts someone."

 Sirius didn't say anything right away, but Lily could tell that he knew she was right, but that it also wasn't that simple. "We're going to figure it out." He said, giving Lily a look that told her not to argue.

 "Alright." Lily conceded, taking a step closer to inspect the mark. She had to consciously stop herself from flinching once she had a better look at it. It must have been painful. She carefully touched the tip of her wand to it. " _celaverimus maxima_."

The dark purple bruise disappeared and Lily reached into her bag, fishing out a small compact mirror. She opened it and handed it over. Sirius took it, his shoulders slumping forward with relief as he saw clear skin there.

 "Thank you, Lily." He said quietly, forcing a weak smile that didn't meet his eyes at all. "I appreciate it." Again he chewed at his bottom lip. "I just...I couldn't stand seeing the look on his face when he looked at me and saw..." He let out a shuddering breath. "I need to protect him from himself. I need to figure this out before he decides he's too dangerous and he leaves me. I can't lose him. I won't." He finished fiercely.

Lily never really thought much about dating before. She had never been very interested in anyone herself, and she felt it was a waste of time and effort if the ultimate goal wasn't Marriage or at least a life time commitment. She thought that at their age, they were far too young to have found anything of the sort, so why would she bother?

 Watching Sirius, and listening to how passionately he spoke about protecting and keeping Remus, the boy he loved, Lily realized she was wrong. Love comes to you at strange times, in strange places and not always the way you expect it to...and when it does, you'd better fight for it. 

 "I'll help you." 

 


	58. Did I say that - Year Six

 It felt just like any other full moon night. In fact, since the actual incident, Remus hadn't been having those strong, untamable urges at all. 

 Maybe it had just been some sort of momentary lapse of self control. After all, like Sirius said, that could happen to anyone. Sirius had trouble controlling himself all the time in highly emotional situations. James lost it every time he wanted to impress Evans, spilling out the most ridiculous things anyone had ever heard and immediately regretting it after. Peter...well, ask Peter to sit  in front of a plate of food and not finish every last bite. 

 Sometimes, everyone just loses control. 

"Alright Moony?" Asked James as he, Sirius and Peter entered the shack.

 Remus was standing by the open window, letting the cool November breeze wash over him, keeping him grounded and aware. He nodded. "Fine, Prongs. Thanks." His eyes met Sirius' for a brief moment, silently communicating his worried thoughts. 

 "Lie down, Remus." Sirius insisted, not breaking eye contact. 

 "Can't." Remus muttered, clenching and unclenching his fists. His muscles felt tight. He rolled his head from side to side. "Can't lay still..." 

 Sirius chewed his lip for a moment. He started to walk to the other boy but Remus shook his head.

 " _Don't_." He said sharply. "Please. Just...I don't want to be touched right now, alright?" He wanted Sirius to stay as far away as possible. He hoped he could somehow manage to get the wolf to play with the Stag and Rat and maybe not as much with the Dog, who was usually the focus of the Wolf's attention. 

 "So," Peter started awkwardly, trying to ease the obvious tension in the room and distract everyone. "James, what happened with you and Mary earlier? You were off on that...'walk' for quite some time, eh?"

 James grinned, taking a seat on the piano bench and looking proud of himself. "Snogged her brains out." 

 "Did you?" Sirius asked, raising eyebrow and smirking. "'Bout time, mate. How far did you get?"

 James shrugged, still looking quite pleased. "Just a little under the shirt, that's all. Nothing worth bragging about." He sighed. "She wanted to go into Hogsmeade tonight. I told her I had plans..."

 "Sorry." Remus said quietly, staring out the window at the darkening sky. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't be missing out on going out with Mary for me..."

  James snorted and rolled his eyes. "Give it a rest, Moony. It's just one night. You know I'd rather be here with you lot anyway." 

 "You all make far too many sacrifices for me." Remus shook his head, wrapping his arms around himself.

 James frowned and gave Sirius a questioning look, but Sirius only sighed and looked away in response. 

  "Don't say that kind of shit, Remus." James said firmly, when Sirius was of no help. "You know we're here because we want to be. All of us." 

 Remus let out a cold laugh. "Until I hurt one of you. Until you realize what I actually am-"

 "Remus, where is this coming from all of the sudden?" Peter finally spoke up. "We've been with you nearly every full moon for two years now, mate. You've never even come close to hurting us."

 " _Yet_." Remus muttered darkly.

 Sirius made a frustrated sound and pushed himself off the bed, crossing the room and grabbing Remus by the shoulder to forcibly turn him around to face him. "That's _enough,_ Remus! Cut the shit, alright?"

  "Sirius," James warned, glancing out the window at the moon, but Sirius ignored him.

 "You can't just act like this, Moony! You can't just let one mistake define who you are!"

  "It _is_ who I am, Sirius!" Remus shouted, shoving Sirius back with incredible force against the wall. "That's what you don't seem to grasp! Whether it's a full moon or not, I am a werewolf! I'm a monster and I _will_ hurt you!"

  "Bullshit, Remus! You-"

 "Oy! Would you two get a bloody grip?" James had somehow managed to get between the two of them, one hand on each of their chests. "I don't know what this is about, but now is not the bloody time for it!"

 For a moment they continued to glare at each other over James' shoulder, both breathing heavily. Sirius was the first to concede. He sighed and took a step back.

 "You're right, Prongs." He glanced up at Remus again. Remus still looked angry and tense, but Sirius reminded himself that it was the moon and nothing more. "Moony, please..." He said softly, carefully reaching for his boyfriend's hand. Remus didn't flinch away, but he didn't relax either. "This is just another full moon, love. It's no different than the others, I promise. You aren't going to hurt me." His eyes, pleading and full of concern, stayed locked on the bright yellow ones. "You aren't going to hurt anybody. You trust me, yeah?"

 Remus swallowed hard, his eyes dropping. "It's me I don't trust..." He whispered shakily.

 "You don't have to." Sirius gently squeezed his hand. "I trust you."

 "Me too." James added.

  "And me." Peter didn't miss a beat. 

 Sirius sighed in relief as Remus allowed him to pull him into his arms and the werewolf's head dropped onto his shoulder. "It's okay, Moons." He said softly, running his fingers through the sweat-damp curls.  

 "I'm sorry." It was hardly a whisper, and Sirius wasn't sure if he meant for the way he was behaving or if he was once again apologizing for what had happened. Maybe both. He nodded.

 "I know." He lifted Remus' chin and kissed his lips. "I love you, Remus."

  "I love you, Sirius." 

 James and Peter, confused as they were, stayed silent and averted their eyes to give the couple as much privacy as they could manage. Remus' strangled sound of pain brought that moment to a too-sudden end, and both James and Peter backed away, preparing to transform. Remus' body shuddered and he cried out, but Sirius didn't budge.

 "We're going to be okay, Remus." He promised, still holding onto the werewolf tightly. "Understand?"

 Remus nodded quickly, his eyes screwed shut as white hot pain seared through him. Sirius reluctantly let him go and moved out of the way, transforming only seconds after James and Peter just before the wolf's piecing howl filled the air.

-

Cold. He felt so cold. 

 There was a ringing sound in his ears, but he could hear hushed, frantically bickering voices:

 "Sirius, you have to go-"

 " _Fuck you_ , Potter! I'm not leaving him."

 "If he sees you like this-"

 "Then hurry the bloody hell up and heal me before he wakes up!" 

  "I'm not a damn healer, Pads! I'm doing the best I can!"

 "Well you'll have to do better than your best, I can't go to Pomfrey like this, obviously!" 

 What was happening? What was wrong with Sirius? Remus tried to speak but his jaw hurt like hell and his mouth was bone dry. He shifted uncomfortably from where he was lying in a heap on the dusty, hard floor.

 " _Shit_." Swore Peter quietly, his voice much closer than James' or Sirius'. "Prongs, Pads, he's waking up."

 "W-what's going-?" Remus managed, gritting his teeth and trying not to move his apparently injured jaw too much. He blinked his eyes a few times. He could see Peter sitting beside him, his small blue eyes filled with a mix of anxiety and concern. "What happened?"

 Peter licked his lips nervously, eyes flickering between Remus and what Remus assumed was James and Sirius on the other side of the room. "N-nothing, Remus. It's fine. Everything's fine." 

 "Don't lie to me, Pete." Remus pleaded weakly. Peter didn't reply, he just continued to worry his bottom lip, eyes looking anywhere but Remus'.  

 Ignoring the searing pain that shot through every part of his body, Remus struggled to lift himself up slightly. His eyesight was still a little blurry and his head was pounding, He must have gotten hit with something, but he could see Sirius sitting up against the wall and James hovering over him, doing something that Remus couldn't quite see.

 "Don't look, Moony." Sirius' strained voice demanded. Remus could tell he was trying to prevent him from becoming upset. "I'm fine, I promise."

 Remus shook his head, trying to stop the spinning, trying to come back into reality. 

 "P-Pads?"

 " _Fuck_." James said sharply, throwing his wand down in frustration. "Your bloody ribs are broken, mate. I can't fix this on my own, Sirius!"

 Remus' eyes went wide with panic. _Broken ribs? How_...?

  "Someone tell me what the fuck is going on!" His heart was beating so fast and hard in his chest he thought if he looked down he would surely be able to see it thumping right under his skin. 

  "Nothing!" Snapped Sirius, who was slowly getting to his feet with the help of James and the wall behind him. He was shirtless, and Remus could now see the horrible dark red and black bruising that covered his left side. 

 "What did I do?" Remus asked in barely a whisper, horrified at the site of the other boy's injuries. "S-Sirius, what-?"

  "You didn't do anything, Moony." Peter said quickly. He had moved to sit in front of the werewolf, purposely blocking his vision of the other two boys.

 "Peter," Remus breathed shakily. "Please don't lie to me." He said again, looking at the smaller boy desperately. To his surprise, crystal blue eyes steadily met his own. 

"Remus, I _swear_ you didn't do that to Padfoot." Peter said firmly, holding his gaze, mouth pressed into a thin line. 

 Remus blinked a few times and swallowed past the lump in his throat. After a moment he nodded, believing his friend's words. But something still didn't feel right. 

  "Pete, stay with Moony. Help him get to the bed. I'm taking Sirius to Pomfrey." 

 Peter and Remus looked to James in shock.

 " _Pomfrey_! But-!"

 "You can't! She'll-!"

 "We'll come up with a story. Just take care of Remus. I'll meet you back in the dorm." James instructed, leaving no room for argument as he threw the cloak over both himself and Sirius.

 Once the sound of their footsteps had faded, Peter carefully helped Remus stand. Remus stumbled a bit, a rush going straight to his head as he stood, making the room spin. He was happy for Peter, who was able to catch him before he fell and allowed Remus to lean heavily on him as they walked to the bed.

 Remus laid down, staring blankly at the cracked ceiling of the shack. "Worm..." He croaked, voice still sore and scratchy. "Please tell me what happened last night?" 

 Peter didn't answer right away, but Remus heard him sigh as he searched through the drawers where they usually kept their belongings for the night. After a couple of seconds he felt the bed dip under the other boy's weight. Peter sighed and leaned against the headboard, opening the bag Sirius always packed for Remus and rummaging through it.

 "Here," He said, handing Remus a bottle of water which Remus gratefully accepted. Peter gave him a sheepish smile. "Sorry, I know I'm probably not as good at all this post-moon-Moony-care as Sirius is."

 Remus chugged down nearly half the bottle and shook his head, wiping his chin of some that had spilled. "Don't be silly. You're doing fine." he managed a weak smile, regardless of how badly is hurt to do so. "Although there are a few things Sirius does that I'm sure you aren't up for."

 Peter snorted and rolled his eyes. "Love you, Moony. But I think I'll leave that to Padfoot."

 There was a long, heavy silence as Remus drank the rest of his water and Peter seemed to purposely avoid eye contact with him. Something bad had happened, Remus knew that. Whether or not it had been him that had hurt Sirius, it was somehow his fault and the other three Marauders didn't want him to know. They didn't want him to feel guilty. They didn't want him to feel like a monster.

 "Peter," He said quietly. "Please..."

 He could practically see the gears in Peter's head turning as the boy debated what to say, or if he should say anything at all. Finally he took a deep breath and exhaled.

"A-at first everything was normal." Peter began, clearly uncomfortable being the one to have to tell. "You turned, took a sniff at us and we headed into the Forest."

 Remus closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on Peter's story, fishing his brain for any remembrance.

_Rat. Stag. Dog. Pack._

Yes, that he remembered.

**_Wormtail sitting on top of Prongs' head and Padfoot sitting beside them, tongue lolling out the side of his mouth and tail thumping excitedly on the floor, kicking up dust and dirt._ **

**_Moony approached them, sniffing for their familiar scents. Prongs and Wormtail were always still as stone while Moony investigated them, but Padfoot..._ **

_Play. Play. Play. Moony, Play._

_**The dog laid down, rolling onto his back to expose his belly and neck in a submissive manner and barking happily for the Wolf's attention, which was granted to him as it always was. Moony nudged his snout against the dog's neck in the exact spot that Remus had bitten Sirius days before.**_ **_He licked him there._ **

_Mine_.

"We wanted to find that field that prongs had found a while back. The one with the wild Snidges." Peter continued. His voice sounded distant as the memories came flooding back to Remus.

**_Moony sat back and watched the bear-like black dog bound through the tall grass, successfully disturbing a nest of Snidgets. The small yellow birds scattered into the air, chirping angrily at Padfoot, who simply continued to jump up, snapping his teeth at them. The birds flew off, landing on a low hanging branch of a nearby tree, just mockingly out of the dog's reach._ **

**_Padfoot whined, his head tilting to the side as he pawed at the trunk of the tree. He turned to his friends and yipped. He couldn't succeed on his own, he'd have to be taller._ **

"So of course Prongs goes to help him and, well you know how they are together. They got distracted and started chasing after each other instead..."

**_Prongs and Padfoot were play fighting. Not an unusual occurrence. Prongs, careful not to hurt the dog with his antlers, pressed his head against Padfoot's and the two of them pushed against each other for a while until Prongs managed to knock Padfoot off balance._ **

**_Padfoot rolled onto his back, the signal for I Give Up. You Win._ **

**_Moony's eyes narrowed._ **

"It was weird, because it wasn't like they were doing anything out of the ordinary, but you just started growling. You didn't seem angry, though...it was a warning growl. Like when Padfoot tries to pin you down and you tell him off. You being the Alpha and all..."

**_Prongs held his head up high in victory, gently placing one hoof on Padfoot's belly._ **

**_Moony's claws dug into the dirt beneath him. He could hear Wormtail squeaking beside him, concerned. He ignored the rat. The Stag and the Dog were of much more importance._ **

"So you started calling for him. But y'know how Prongs and Pads are when they are off in their own world. He probably didn't hear you over whatever game they were playing..."

**_Padfoot was up in seconds flat, running circles around the stag and weaving between its long legs. He barked, pouncing at Prongs a few times before running off for Prongs to chase him._ **

**_Padfoot skidded to a halt, head low to the ground and backside up, tail wagging enthusiastically. Prongs had caught up to him._ **

"One thing lead to another and Prongs had flipped him onto his back again...that's when you got...angry..."

**_Moony howled and ran forward, knocking Prongs away from the dog with incredible force. Prongs stumbled back in shock, looking at Moony who was standing over Padfoot and growling fiercely._ **

**_Prongs took another step back and bowed his head in respect. He obviously hadn't been trying to hurt Padfoot. It was only a game._ **

**_Padfoot, however, whined. He was confused at why Moony had stopped his and Prongs' fun. He huffed in annoyance and wriggled out from beneath the wolf._ **

"That was when you turned on Padfoot..." Peter's voice shook anxiously as he went on. "You pinned him again and you wouldn't let him up...you were getting a little rough so Prongs...he intervened..."

**_Moony yelped in surprise and pain as Prongs' front hooves pushed him off, sending him flying. He picked himself back up and shook off._ **

_"_ You charged at Prongs, but Pads tried to get between the both of you so Prongs kicked him out of the way...I reckon that's where the broken ribs are from...You...you really didn't like that." 

**_Padfoot let out a pained cry as he landed in a heap, several feet away._ **

**_Moony saw red._ **

"Prongs...he had no choice, Moony. He didn't mean to hurt you, and he felt terrible about it after. But you were really after him, teeth and all..."

Remus raised a trembling hand to the back of his head, which was still pounding. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear the rest of this...

But he had to...

"You ran after him, but before you could attack he kicked you away. Got you right in the head and knocked you out." Peter swallowed thickly. "Probably hurt your jaw as well from the looks of it." He gave a nervous, sideways glance toward Remus. "We don't know what made you act like this. We've never seen you look so..." He trailed off.

Remus stared blankly ahead. He didn't know what to do or say. He had attacked his friends. 

"I can't do this anymore." 

-

"Mr. Black, what on earth were you thinking!" Scolded Madam Pomfrey as she and James assisted Sirius to the nearest bed. "Trying to get past the Whomping Willow, honestly! What could have possessed you-?"

 Sirius winced as he laid back, letting the nurse poke and prod at his bruised side. "Just wanted to surprise Remus." He lied through his teeth, just as he and James had discussed. "I thought I could make it past." 

Pomfrey shook her head disapprovingly as she poured a goblet of some nasty looking potion and shoved it at him. "Foolish boy! Couldn't have waited to come see him once I had him safe and sound in here..." She continued to mutter to herself as she fussed over him. 

"Well, you know me." Sirius sighed, averting his eyes from James'. "Fucking full of stupid ideas." 

 "Language, Mr. Black!" 

"Sorry." He muttered. 

 "Well," Sighed Madam Pomfrey, folding her arms impatiently. "You take that potion, Mr. Black. Mr. Potter, I trust you can look after him while I go retrieve Mr. Lupin, _safely_ , from the shack." She hurried out, still talking to herself about Sirius' stupidity. 

Both James and Sirius were silent for a moment that seemed like forever. Sirius refused to look, but he could feel James' eyes piercing into him. 

 "So?" James said finally. Sirius could hear the frown in his voice.  

"So what?" He muttered, staring down at the goblet of thick green potion. 

 James folded his arms, glaring at Sirius over the rim of his glasses. "So are you going to tell me what the fuck is going on with you and Remus?"

Sirius didn't answer. He lifted the goblet to his lips and held his breath as he tilted his head back and chugged it down. _Disgusting_. He pulled a face and set the goblet down on the bedside table. "Nothing is going on. We're fine." 

"Fine?" James scoffed. "You expect me to believe everything is fine after the way you were both acting in the shack? Yelling about hurting someone? And then..." He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "That wasn't normal, Sirius! He wouldn't let us near you and he almost..." He swallowed hard. "Sirius, what's wrong with Moony?"

 "I don't know!" Sirius shouted angrily, finally looking at the other boy. Both of his hands dragged through his long hair and tugged. "I...I don't know what's wrong with him, Prongs. He's losing control of himself! He's gotten possessive and...and you know how he's been dragging me off all the time to..." He made a very obvious hand gesture that, had the situation been any different, James would have laughed at. But James just nodded for him to continue. "Apparently it's because he can't help it! He gets these urges and he can't ignore them. And it's..." He paused, not wanting to continue. 

 "It's what, Pads?" James asked gently, shifting awkwardly on his feet. 

Sirius licked his lips. "He's just been a bit aggressive." He muttered, pulling his knees to his chest. He forced a laugh. "Not that I don't enjoy it, mind you. In fact, it's sort of my own bloody fault because I sometimes get him all worked up to get that way...but I never thought that..." He sighed and pulled his wand out from under his pillow, pointing it at his neck. " _Finite Incantartum_." 

James gasped as the glamour charm on Sirius' throat disolved, revealing a silvery pink scar. 

 "Remus _bit_ you?"

"Don't say anything about it to him, Prongs. He feels badly enough and it wasn't his fault." Sirius grumbled, re-charming the mark and stuffing his wand back under his pillow.

 James gaped at him. "I..." He sat heavily in the chair beside Sirius' bed and took his glasses off to rub his eyes. "Sirius, that's...that's really serious..."

"It's fine, it's not like he's turned me-" 

"No, Sirius." James sighed. "It's not about that. Remus...he would never do that. If he lost control to the point where he's left a scar like that on you, something has to be really, _really_ wrong with him." He shook his head. "I can't believe he didn't up and-" 

 "I know." Sirius cut him off sharply. He knew exactly what James was thinking and he preferred not to think the same way. "But that's why I don't want to make a big fuss over this. I don't want him upsetting himself and thinking that...that being with me is too dangerous..."

The doors to the infirmary opened and Madam Pomfrey ushered a limping, but still standing, Remus inside. She was prattling on to him as well. "Don't know what you've managed to do to yourself. You could very well have a concussion. Go on then, get to bed, I'll get your potions." She disappeared into the back storage room. 

Remus stood still, staring at Sirius in the bed beside the vacant one that was reserved for himself. He looked like one gust of wind could knock him right off his feet. James stood abruptly and hurried to his side to help him. 

 "Here, Moons..." He carefully put his arm around the werewolf for support. 

Remus shook his head. "It's fine, James. You don't have to help me." He was too weak to actually pull away though, and had no choice but to allow James to assist him to the bed next to Sirius'. 

 "I'm sorry." He muttered, his eyes blank and completely void of emotion as he settled back against the pillows. "I'm sorry, James...for what-" 

"Shut up, Remus." James said quietly, adjusting the boy's pillow for him. "It's alright. Everyone's fine, aren't they?" 

Remus didn't respond.

 "Moony," Sirius tried, carefully shifting onto his side, trying not to irritate his mending bones. "Hey, Moons, it's alright. No ones upset with you or anything. Everything's going to be fine, yeah?" 

Again there was no response. 

 Pomfrey was back, carrying a tray of different potions and salves for Remus. All three Gryffindors were silent as Pomfrey set about tending to Remus' cuts and scrapes. Remus took his potions without argument, still staring straight ahead. 

 "Mr. Potter, I'm afraid both Mr. Lupin and Mr. Black need rest. You and Mr. Pettigrew can come back after lunch to visit with them if you wish." Said the Mediwitch, not bothering to look up from bandaging Remus' arm as she spoke. 

James bit his lip, his eyes meeting Sirius' briefly. 

 "Yes ma'am." He sighed. "See you later guys. Feel better." And he reluctantly left the hospital wing. 

Pomfrey finished with Remus and turned her attention back to Sirius, poking and prodding at his aching ribs and muttering more spells and enchantments to ease the burning pain. Once she was finished she instructed them both to rest and she left them alone. 

 There was a long stretch of silence where Sirius thought Remus may have actually fallen asleep, but when he turned to look at the next bed he saw that Remus was indeed awake, eyes still glued to the stark white ceiling. 

 "Moony, it-" 

"It's over." 

Sirius' breath hitched. His mouth dropped and he stared over at the boy in the next bed. No...no he couldn't mean...

"W-what?" 

 "I'm sorry Sirius." Remus whispered. "I can't do this anymore..."

"You don't mean that." Sirius shook his head. "You don't, Remus!"

 "I do mean it. I-I'm so sorry-"

"No!" Sirius sat up, despite the sharp pain in his side, and faced him. "Fuck, Moony! You can't...you can't just-! We're going to figure this out! It'll be fine! We're going to be fine!"

"You don't know that, Sirius."

 "I do know that! Because we love-"

"Yes." Remus said, turning his head so he could look into Sirius' eyes. "I do love you, Sirius. And that's why I need to end this. I won't put you in danger anymore." He looked back at the ceiling. "It's over." 


	59. They don't teach that in school - year six

It had been three weeks since what they were all calling "The Bad Moon". None of them thought that anything could shake the dynamic of the group the way Sirius' prank had last year, but it seemed they had thought wrong.

It was as if Remus had completely disappeared over night. Aside from classes, where he strategically sat as far off on the opposite side of the room from his friends with his eyes trained on the parchment or text in front of him, he was no where to be found. He was never at meals anymore, either and he wasn't even sleeping in the dorm room. 

It was driving Sirius crazy.   
He barely ate, and if he did sleep it was usually in dog form under Remus' bed, although twice James woke up in the middle of the night to find a big, furry black head beside his own on his pillow. 

If he wasn't chain smoking cigarettes on the roof, he was out roaming the corridors hoping to run into Remus. He never did, so instead he took his frustration out anyone that so much as looked at him the wrong way. Needless to say he was back to his old detention schedule.

James had made the executive decision to withhold the map from Sirius.

"He clearly doesn't want to be found, Padfoot. Give him space." 

"This is fucking ridiculous." Sirius snarled, pulling on his leather jacket and fishing his cigarettes from his pocket. "I've given him space! It's been weeks and I haven't so much as spoken a word to him! Not that I could, considering he's practically gone and moved out." He kicked his trunk closed with unnecessary force. "I mean, if he doesn't want to be with me anymore, bloody _fine_! But does he have to just up and leave all of us? We're suppose to be a _family_ , the four of us, aren't we? Wasn't that the promise we made? No matter what?" He took a deep, shaking breath and ran a hand through his hair. 

"He's probably trying to make the transition easier for you, mate." Peter suggested gently. 

"Yeah," James agreed. "It won't be so simple for either of you to go back to being friends after-" 

"No. _Fuck no_." Sirius snapped, crossing the room to the window and sliding it open to let the chilly December air in.

"We don't have to go back to being anything because this is fucking stupid and he's going to see that!" He climbed up onto the window sill and swung his legs over the side. He sat there for a few seconds and sighed. "We just need to figure out what's happening to him, and then we can work on fixing it, right?" 

James and Peter exchanged a look. They wanted to believe that that was true. They wanted Sirius to believe it. But they also wanted to be realistic. There wasn't much in the Hogwarts library about werewolves in the first place that they hadn't already read front to back, and nothing they had read seemed comparable to Remus' behavior. 

"Don't worry, Sirius." James said at last. "We'll figure this out, mate. We always do."

Sirius sat for another second without a word before sliding off the windowsill onto the roof.

 James sat heavily on his bed and rubbed his temples. He hated seeing Sirius so upset after how far he had come from that downward spiral last year. And Remus' absence was taking quite a toll on all of them. 

 "I'm going to check the library again, want to come?" He stood and opened his trunk for the map and cloak. 

 Peter shook his head. "You're on your own this time. I promised Emmeline I'd study with her." 

 "Fuck," James groaned. "Oh fucking hell. I forgot I told Mary I'd take her out to Hogsmeade tonight." 

 Peter shrugged. "So go with Mary. The library will still be here later. You really should go and enjoy yourself. You can't put your life on hold because Padfoot and Moony can't go a school year without breaking up." He smirked, trying to lighten the mood a little.

 James looked up at him and frowned. "It's not about Pads and Moony breaking up, Worm. Something is _wrong_ with Remus. Aren't you worried?"

  "Of course I'm worried," The humor in Peter's voice was gone as he took a more serious tone on the matter. "But we've been to the library a billion times and we still haven't found anything. Besides, there's a bunch of books on lycanthropy that are missing from the shelves. That means someone else took them out. _Probably_ Remus! Think about it, Sirius never hides anything from you, but he didn't tell you about this. They wanted to figure this out on their own. It's between them." He slid off his bed and sat down beside James. "I know you don't like seeing Sirius so... _bad_...again, and you feel like you need to fix it for him. And Remus as well. But you are allowed to take a night off from being the hero, Prongs." He clapped James on the shoulder. "Go out with Mary."

  
-

  
The door to the sixth year girls' dorm shut just a little too loudly, making Lily jump. She threw her bookmark haphazardly into the library book she had been reading and stuck her head out from the bed curtains.

"Mary?" She frowned, having not expected to see the girl for a few more hours that night, let alone looking so disappointed. 

Mary managed a small smile, sheepishly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Sorry, Lil. I didn't mean to slam the door like that. Were you studying?"

Lily shook her head, eyeing the other girl with concern. "Oh, no not at all. I was just reading." Without looking she quickly shoved the old book under her pillow.

 "Are you alright? I thought you had plans with Potter?"

 Mary nodded, humming and rubbing the back of her neck, eyes downcast. She bounced on her heels awkwardly a few times before sighing and plopping down on the side of her bed, facing Lily.

 "He canceled again." Her eyes stared down at her lap as she began to twist that permanently loose strand of hair around her forefinger. "I know you didn't approve of me dating him in the first place, so I don't want you to think he's just some jerk - well, I mean, no more than you already think that of course - because he really is very sweet and funny when we do spend time together, really Lily."

Lily opened her curtain the rest of the way and shifted to sit on the edge of her mattress as she listened to Mary, smiling and nodding encouragingly. 

"Of course, Mary." She said. "Look, I don't...I don't _hate_ Potter...Er...anymore," she laughed. "I just know that he can be a bit of a prat and I didn't want to see you get hurt, that's all. It's not that I don't approve."

 Mary's shoulders slumped forward in relief. "Good. I...I admit, for a while I thought you were really upset with me over it." 

 Lily blushed guiltily. Her behavior had been rather embarrassing at first, but she had begun to get use to the idea. Mary seemed happy when she would spend time with Potter, and that's all Lily could want. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way, Mary."

 "No, that's alright...I mean, here I am, right? Hurting, just like you said I would." Mary huffed, resting her elbows on her knees and her chin on her hands. 

"Well," Lily pressed on. "What was his reason for canceling?"

Mary sighed, laughing softly. "Oh it's always the same. His friends need him for one thing or another." She rolled her eyes. "Well, not that I can blame him this time around. Everyone knows that Sirius hasn't been doing well since Remus broke it off-"

"Remus broke up with Sirius!" Lily gasped, her eyes going wide.

Mary frowned. "You didn't know? It happened weeks ago. No one knows why, the four of them have kept it all pretty hush. But the rumor is that Remus isn't even sleeping in the dorm anymore. I thought you and Remus were close?" 

"W-we are," Lily said softly, still shocked. "I just haven't seen him much..."

She hadn't. Even during rounds, he only said a quick hello to her before going off on his own. Lily was trying to give him space, knowing what she did about what had happened on Halloween between him and Sirius. But if the situation had actually gotten so bad that Remus had ended the relationship, it must be worse than she thought. 

 Lily stood abruptly, grabbing her bag and throwing several books from her bedside table in, along with the one she had hidden beneath her pillow. "Sorry, Mary! I've just remembered I...prefect thing...very important. I'll be back later!" She slung her bag over her shoulder and darted from the room, leaving a very confused Mary behind. 

 Lily sped down the stairs into the common room, skipping several steps at a time and for possibly the first time in her life, she was relieved to see the messy back of James Potter's head, just as he was about to leave through the portrait. 

 "Potter!" She called, running towards him. "Potter, wait!"

James paused and looked over his shoulder at her. One eyebrow quirked up and frowning in confusion. "Evans?"

"I need to talk to you." Lily said breathlessly.

James' hazel eyes narrowed. "Look, Evans, if it's about me ditching Mary tonight, I apologize. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings, but I-"

"It's not about Mary." Lily cut him off, opening her bag and pulling out a book. "It's about Remus and Sirius."

She shoved a battered, dusty copy of _Hairy Snout, Human Heart_ into his hands. 

 James' jaw dropped and he quickly looked around to make sure no one else was within earshot. He leaned in closer to her. "How do you know about-?"

"Remus? I figured it out last year." She explained hurriedly, waving it off. She held her head a littler higher. "I know more than you think, Potter." 

 James stared at her for a moment, mouth pressed into a thin line. He held the book up. "You're the one taking out books on Lycanthropy from the library?" 

She nodded. "Yes. Sirius asked me for help hiding the..." She gestured at her throat and James nodded his head, understanding. "After that I started reading up on it as much as I could. I wanted to help." 

"Have you found anything?" Asked James, his voice remained stern but his eyes became hopeful, silently praying that Lily would say yes and the mystery would be solved. 

Lily bit her lip. "Not exactly...but...I think I may have an idea that could point is in the right direction. I just need to get into the restricted section." 

A slow smile creeped across James' face and Lily felt her stomach drop, though whether it was from fear or something completely different, she wasn't sure. 

"You really want to help, Evans?" Asked James. 

She swallowed. "Yes, of course." 

"And you don't mind a little rule breaking in the process? No questions asked?" 

"I think the situation outweighs the consequences, yes." 

James smirked, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Do you solemnly swear?" 

Lily blinked at him, utterly confused. "Uh...yes?"

"Excellent." He said briskly, once again checking the room to make sure they were alone. Once he confirmed that there was no one around, he pulled something from his bag and before Lily could even question it, she felt herself and James being draped with a soft, flowing material.

 "What is this?" She asked, feeling incredibly awkward standing in the common room with what seemed to be an impossibly soft blanket over her head.  
James chuckled. "It's an invisibility cloak."

"A _what_!" Lily gasped in surprise, a little more loudly than she had meant to and James cringed.

"First rule of invisibility, Evans... _be quiet_. No point in being unseen if you can be heard across the castle, yeah?" 

 Lily frowned and made an indignant sound, earning a warning look from James. She rolled her eyes and gestured with her hand for him to lead the way. 

It was a very strange feeling to walk through the dark, familiar corridors at an unnaturally slow pace in order to remain covered by James Potter's cloak. Several times a Professor or a fellow prefect would pass them, unbeknownst to their presence and Lily would take in a sharp breath, her heart pounding as she fought the urge to run and hide, reminding herself that she was in fact invisible. 

James on the other hand, was totally and completely at ease. He practically glided through the halls as if this were his natural element. It was like he knew every nook and stone of the castle as well as he knew himself. Occasionally he would grab Lily by the elbow and pull her around behind a statue or into a dark corner to avoid Filch or a house Ghost.  
Peaking around a suit of armor they had ducked behind, narrowly missing Mrs. Norris' curiously sniffing nose, James cocked his head to the left and waved Lily along.

 Lily didn't move. She frowned and pointed in the opposite direction. What was he playing at? The library was the other way. 

"Just trust me." The boy whispered with a cocky smile.

"But-?"

James tutted and shook his head. "No questions asked, Evans." He winked. "You swore." 

She sighed in defeat. She had sworn, and she supposed Potter and his friends had spent enough of the last six years sneaking around the school to know what they were doing. 

"Alright, your way then." She agreed. 

James lead off to the left, staying close to the wall, running one hand along the stones. Lily watched with interest and curiosity as James' face became very focused. His brow furrowed, nose scrunched just slightly and the tip of his tongue peaked out the corner of his lips. She had never really taken a moment to look at him quite so closely, and she found the corner of her lip twitch upward as she observed him. She was so distracted that she didn't notice when James stopped short and she crashed right into him with a soft "oof!"

James snorted and looked down at her with a raised eyebrow. "Alright, Evans?" 

Lily felt her face grow warm and she shook herself. "Er, yes. Of course. Sorry, I...tripped." 

James' smirk widened. "If I didn't know any better I'd think you were just looking to grab my arse." He chuckled. "It's alright, Evans. I know the Quidditch pitch has done me some favors." 

 Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh yes. You've caught me. Prat." She was glad that it was so dark and James could not see how red her face must have been. "So why've we stopped then?" She folded her arms. 

 James' expression became more serious and focused once more as he turned his attention back to the wall. He scratched his chin thoughtfully, eyes narrowing as he gave the wall a once over. "Should be..." He muttered slowly, lifting both his hands. "This one." He placed both palms on one of the cold, gray stones and gave a small grunt as he pushed. Before Lily could ask what he was doing, she froze.   
Her jaw dropped and she stared ahead in awe as part of the wall disappeared completely before her eyes, revealing a narrow, pitch black tunnel. "What the bloody fu-"

"Ooh, such language for little miss Prefect, eh?" James snickered, glancing over his shoulder at her.

"Please, Remus swears nearly every other word and you know it."

"Ah yes, but Remus isn't just a prefect. He is a corrupt rogue playing both sides of the law." He heaved a heavy sigh. "He makes me proud, that boy. He's come so far." He wiped a mock tear from his eye and Lily found herself smiling fondly at him. 

 The hidden corridor was just wide enough for them to squeeze in, but they had to walk single file. It was so dark once the wall returned behind them that Lily couldn't see her own hand in front of her face. It was hard to follow Potter and stay hidden under the cloak when she felt as though she were blind. A hand on her wrist made her jump and gasp. 

 "Sorry," James muttered, lifting her arm and placing her hand on his shoulder. "Here. Contact makes it easier to stay together. I forgot how bloody hard it is to take this short cut with another person...especially when they've never been down here." 

"How'd you find this?" Lily asked, speaking as quietly as she could manage. 

She felt James shrug. "Second year, I think... Sirius found it while we were running from Filch." His shoulders shook in a silent laugh. "We had just hexed his cousin Narcissa's lipstick to make her kiss this the nearest bloke every time someone said the word 'mudblood'." 

Lily actually grinned. "Clever. So the rumor that Narcissa Black kissed Slughorn is actually true?" 

"One hundred percent true." James said proudly. "She had said some nasty thing to Sirius about being a blood traitor and associating with the wrong sorts. Called Remus a bunch of names... Sirius nearly knocked her out, probably would have if I hadn't stopped him and told him we could get her back in a much better way without getting detention for punching a girl in the face." 

Lily hummed softly. "You're a good friend...the way you protect Sirius...it's nice."

James shrugged. "Someone has to look out for that git or he'd get himself killed or...I don't know...incarcerated or something." He laughed and she smiled. 

"You do a pretty good job of watching out for your friends as well." Said James, though there was a slight edge to his voice. 

 "Er...I suppose?" She wasn't sure how she was meant to respond. It hadn't sounded like a compliment. 

 James cleared his throat awkwardly. "Sorry...that was..." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Nevermind."

"No," Lily insisted, stepping closer. "What is it?"

 James took a second to think before he sighed again. "Do you hate that I've been seeing Mary?" 

Again, Lily felt her face heat up and her heart leapt into her throat. She swallowed it down. "W-what? Of course not. Why would-"

"Because you think I'm some sort of jackass who doesn't care for anyone's feelings." James said bitterly. "What was it you called me that one time? An 'arrogant toerag'?" 

Lily bit her lip, hanging her head in shame. "Look, James-"

"No, it's fine-"

"It's not fine," Lily argued. "I was-"

"No." James repeated firmly. "It is fine. I _was_ an arrogant toerag." Their walking had slowed down and Lily wondered if they were nearing the end of the tunnel. "I was a jerk to certain people, and I was an annoying pain in your arse on top of it...but I wouldn't intentionally hurt a girl's feelings. I...I quite like Mary, actually."

 Lily suddenly felt very uncomfortable, like the tunnel was getting smaller, forcing her and James Potter closer and closer together when they shouldn't be so close at all. It was hard to breathe. "D-do you?" She managed. 

"Yeah." James said simply. "She's a nice girl. She's fun...doesn't hex my briefs to give me wedgies when I tell her she's got nice...assets..." 

Even in the dark, Lily could tell that James was giving her a pointed look. She laughed. 

"Sorry for that." 

 "What's done is done. I deserved it." James admit. Then after a moment he said, "can I ask you something?" 

"Yeah..."

"Is she upset I canceled on her?" He asked earnestly. "I really didn't mean to, it's just with everything going on with Remus and the way it's making Sirius so crazy, I just...I forgot I had plans with her. I'm too worried about them...I do feel like a git for ditching her though."

 Lily was slightly taken aback by how sorry James really did sound. He really did like Mary. She felt guilty for having accused him of only dating the other girl to make her jealous. She sighed. "I...I think she'll get over it. She likes you quite a bit as well." 

James exhaled in relief. "Brilliant. Thanks." Then he stopped walking. "Almost there. Just have to..." She felt James reach behind himself and pull out what must have been his wand. Her thoughts were confirmed as he quietly whispered. " _Lumos_." And a soft glow sprouted from the tip. 

She could see now that they were standing at a dead end, another brick wall just like the one that had disappeared to allow them into the secret passage. James pushed on the wall just as he had before, only this time the bricks did not disappear, they swung open like a door on a hinge. Lily snorted to herself, remembering the cliche mystery films she and Petunia watched when they were younger, which always involved castles with doors disguised as walls leading to secret laboratories or chambers. She did not, however, expect this particular wall-turned-door to lead them directly to where they wanted to go, and she gasped - for possibly the twentieth time that evening - as they stepped out of the dark tunnel and into the far back corner of the Library's restricted section. 

"Wow." She uttered, thoroughly impressed. 

James turned and grinned at her. "Told you to trust me."

 "My apologies, Potter. I'll try not to doubt you again." She matched his grin with a smirk of her own.

"Nah," said James, shaking his head and closing the secret passage (a bookshelf from this side, of course) back up again.

 "You'll find more reasons to doubt me I'm sure. Now then," he rubbed his hands together. "You said you had an idea that may point is in the right direction?"

_Oh_ , Lily thought, suddenly remembering why they had gone on this strange adventure in the first place. "Yes. Right. Well...it's only a hunch, mind you..."

"Hey, a hunch is more than what Pete and Sirius and I have got." James reasoned. 

 "Well," Lily murmured thoughtfully, walking slowly along the aisle of books and carefully scanning their spines. "The thing is, there isn't much literature on adolescent lycanthropes..." As she walked, she dragged one long, thin finger along the shelves, waiting to grab the title once she found it. 

 James chuckled. "What? You mean like werewolf puberty? Yeah, I'm pretty sure they don't teach that in school."

 Lily hummed and nodded. "That's exactly what I mean, actually." She plucked a book from the shelf and flipped through the pages. "The thing is, most werewolves weren't bitten until they were adults. And most children that are bitten, well..." She trailed off and James grimaced. _They get put down_. "So there just isn't much to go by about what happens when a young werewolf comes of age."  
James frowned, blinking at her in confusion. "What do you mean?" 

 Lily continued to flip through the book she was holding. "Like I said, I can't say for certain...I'm mostly going off what I know of actual wolves and some mythology, however..."

 "Myths are based on fact." James finished her thought exactly. "Facts that got twisted for years and years until they were merely used for entertainment or to teach kids a lesson."

 Lily smiled up at him. "Exactly."

 "So...what werewolf myth are we implying is real enough to have Remus losing his mind every time he's within ten feet of Sirius all of the sudden?" James frowned, craning his neck for a better view of what Lily was reading. 

The redhead quickly flipped through a few more pages and her eyes lit up. "This one." She tilted the book for James to see. "Mating. Wolves have mates, James. And according to legends and myths, so do werewolves."

James sputtered and shifted awkwardly. "Er...well..." He coughed. "Th-that...um..."

 Lily raised an eyebrow. "Are you alright?" 

"Er..." James let out a nervous laugh and scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, it's just...I mean, we're talking about my two best friends and...their sex life."

 Lily scoffed. "You expect me to believe you and Sirius don't talk about sex?" 

"Of course we do! But...I mean, _this_...the whole _mating_ thing...that's...it just seems a little...y'know...personal, I guess? Intimate..."

"Hmmm," Lily nodded, looking back down at the page. "I think it's actually quite sweet. You know, once you get past the aggression and possessiveness that comes with it at first..."

James stared at her, making a semi-disgusted face. "You are a strange bird, Evans." He looked over her shoulder.

"Er...so is Remus going to keep acting like a bloody maniac around Sirius forever or...?"

 Lily sighed. "Dunno. I don't think so. But I don't even know if this is the real answer. It's just the closest thing we've got." She closed the book and slipped it into her bag along with two others that she grabbed off the shelf. "We'll have to read up on it as much as possible before we can make any conclusions of course."

"Yeah," James agreed. He didn't seem as excited as Lily felt. She bit her lip, watching the boy's anxious expression.  
"Potter?"  
"I'm fine...I just wish we had more than just a hunch and some myths."

 "We'll figure it out, James." Lily smiled reassuringly, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "They'll be okay."

"I hope so." 

"They will, James." Lily insisted. "They've got you, after all."

 


	60. Author's note (I HAVENT ABANDONED YOU!)

Hey everyone,

 I am receiving a lot of messages here and on Tumblr asking if I’ve stopped writing this fic since its been an extended period since I’ve updated. 

I have not abandoned this fic, nor do I plan to. It is my baby, and I plan to carry it all the way to the horrible, bitter end. 

 It is currently…I don’t want to say “on hiatus” because that makes it seem like it’s going to be a while before I start up again, and I really don’t want that to happen. But it is on a temporary hold for the moment while I pull myself together.

 As some of you know, I lost my job a few weeks ago. I wasn’t “fired” as much as I was aggressively forced to quit. I have been with this company a total of 7 years and my brother, step father and estranged mother all work for them as well so it was…very political, we’ll say…in the end. 

 I’ve tried a few times to sit and write a new chapter while I’ve been unemployed and bored to death, but it’s like there’s a road block. I can take detours around said road block and write funny, fluffy, smutty one-shots like the Red Riding Hood fic, but the current emotions that are happening in the time line of this story don’t mash well with my own mental health, which is sort of hanging by a thread.  

 Hang in there with me, guys. You’ve all been really great about letting me know that there is no rush and that I should take my time. I just wanted to fill you all in and let you know that I have not dropped the fic and I will update it as soon as my brain decides to take away the damn traffic cones and let me through.  

Thanks for the love and support!  
Xxx Tara

 

((@captofthesswolfstar on tumblr for those who don't follow!))


	61. Space - Year Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo right after I wrote that thing about not being able to figure this chapter out, I decided to give it a go and...wouldn't you know it, it worked.

"Remus, I think this has gone on long enough. I understand that you felt the need to separate yourself from us after what happened last month, but you can't just lock yourself away out here until graduation. You have to come back to the dorm."

 Remus bit down hard on his bottom lip and refused to look up from the potions essay he was trying to write. Admittedly, the shrieking shack was not the best place for focusing on homework. The creaking walls and howling winds were enough of a distraction, and he had to wear two jumpers since the bitter December air always found a way to creep in no matter how many warming charms he used. But he simply could not bring himself to return to Gryffindor tower. 

"I don't belong there, James." He muttered, scratching away at the parchment with his quill. He was sitting on the bed with his text book propped up on his knee and his parchment laid across it. He had tried transfiguring the piano into a desk, but all he had managed to do was offend the instrument, which subsequently decided to play _Dies Irae_ at top volume, repetitively until he apologized and moved his homework back to the bed. 

 "That's bullshit, Remus." James argued. "Of course you belong there! You certainly don't belong here-"  
Remus snorted and rolled his eyes.

 "Don't I? I'm the whole reason this place even exists, aren't I? I need to be alone."  
Even though he wasn't looking he could practically feel James' eyes narrow irritably. He knew James' lips were pressed into a thin line, arms straight down by his aides and fists clenched as he became more disgruntled with Remus' stubbornness.

 "You need to be back in the castle. You need to be with me and Pete and Sirius-"

 Remus growled in the back of his throat and he controlled the urge to look at his friend. "I need to be far away from Sirius." 

 James let out a frustrated sound and snatched the parchment from Remus' lap.

 "Hey-!"

"No! This is stupid, Remus! You're acting ridiculous and you're only hurting yourself and Sirius! Don't you _care_ -?"

 "I'm protecting Sirius!"

"You're being selfish!" James accused angrily, folding his arms. Remus whined indignantly as his essay was crushed. "You're protecting yourself, Remus. If you were doing this for Sirius you'd be trying to find a solution, not hiding out in the bloody shrieking shack and avoiding your friends for weeks!"

 Remus pulled his knees to his chest and turned away, guilt building in his gut.

 "There is no solution, James. I hurt Sirius, I tried to hurt you-"

 "Then we'll figure out why, and-"

"Because I'm a monster!" Remus shouted, standing up so abruptly that James stumbled backwards. "That is the reason, James! No matter what, it wouldn't have happened if I wasn't a _dangerous animal_!"

 He was right in James' face, breathing heavily, heart racing. His chest ached. He wanted nothing more than to follow James back up to Gryffindor tower and crawl back into his warm bed, where hopefully Sirius would be waiting for him. He couldn't though. He couldn't trust himself, no matter how much his friends foolishly trusted him. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, taking a step back.

 "I'm sorry, James...there's nothing to figure out. Sirius and I are over...everything is over. At least for me. I'm going to get through the next two years completely under the radar, graduate and move on." He sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. He felt like his world was crashing down all around him. 

 "So that's just it then?" James asked tensely. "You're just giving up? On Sirius, on yourself...on all of us?" 

"Yes." 

 He heard James scoff. "We've all worked too hard to let everything fall apart just because you're too busy wallowing in self pity. So you can go ahead and give up, but I'm not."

 Remus frowned and looked up. "What d'you-?"

"I mean," James hesitated. He sighed and scratched the back of his head anxiously. "I mean that I've been looking into some things-"

 "This isn't your business to look into." Remus said firmly.

 "It is." James argued. "It is my business because it's tearing Sirius apart and it's making you lock yourself away from everyone and treat yourself like an animal and I won't stand for that. You're both worth more than that to me."

 Remus stared at his lap. He couldn't tell if he loved or hated James for being so fiercely invested. He chewed nervously on his bottom lip and fidgeted with the fraying blanket beneath him. "What is it you've looked into exactly?" 

-

James had begrudgingly agreed to leave Remus alone, with Remus' promise that he would return to the dorm room when he felt he was ready. With the new information that James had given him, he had even more to think about. 

_Mating_.

The idea churned his stomach. It sounded so primal, so _inhuman_. 

 He had read about it before, but there wasn't much literature on it and what he could find wasn't exactly the most reliable, so maybe that wasn't what he was going through at all...

 Although it did make an awful lot of sense. The spike in his sex drive, being unable to keep his hands -and various other body parts - off of Sirius, his aggressive behavior towards anyone who got too close to him...

And of course there was the overwhelming urge to mark him.

 Remus shuddered at the thought.  
All of those feelings would go away if he just gave in and allowed it to happen. That, however, was not an option in Remus' mind. 

 It was a very powerful, magical bond, if what he had come across was true, and it would last until he or Sirius died. They would be connection, spiritually and mentally. If anything were to come between them, it would cause them both physical anguish to the point of near death or madness.

 He couldn't hold Sirius to that. 

 What they were doing was fun and although Remus was completely and utterly in love with the other boy, he knew that eventually he would have to let Sirius go. Sirius deserved more than what he could offer and Remus was positive that he would realize that some day and want to move on. 

 Grateful as he was to have experienced being in love, that love had an expiration date. Remus was destined to be alone, a fate he had accepted very long ago. 

 It was the day before Christmas break that he decided to sneak back up to Gryffindor tower. His friends would all be at the feast, giving him the chance to hide away in his four poster and pretend to be asleep without the awkward apologies for his behavior and disappearance and without having to face Sirius.

 He held his breath, hands shaking anxiously as his turned the knob and opened the door to the dorm room. It was, as he had hoped, empty. With a heavy sigh of relief, he grabbed his pajamas from his trunk and headed into the bathroom to have a hot shower. 

 The water felt amazing. He hadn't realized how cold he had been the last few weeks sleeping in the shack until he stepped into the steam. He had taken quick showers in the prefects lavatory, but just long enough to wash up and slip out again unnoticed. Now he allowed himself to relax, the feast wouldn't be done for quite some time. 

 Once his muscles ached less and his skin became red from the heat, he stepped out and dried off and changed into clean, warm pajamas. His stomach growled, but he was much more concerned with getting a good night's rest and avoiding any possibility of confrontation. 

 Padding across the room to his bed, Remus nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the click of the dorm room door closing and a sharp gasp. He froze.

 "...you're back." 

 Remus swallowed hard and slowly turned around to face Sirius. 

He looked tired, like he too hadn't been sleeping nearly enough, and also a little surprised. Mostly he looked hurt. 

 Grey eyes, cold and stone-like, looked him up and down and Remus felt himself shiver under the scrutiny of Sirius' gaze. 

 "You look awful." Sirius commented flatly, taking a step closer. One sleek, dark eyebrow quirked up. "Are you alright?" He didn't sound like he was asking purely out of concern. Something in his tone made Remus feel even worse, vulnerable even. He wrapped his arms around himself and shrugged. 

 "I'm fine." He lied. 

"Good." Said Sirius lightly, taking another step forward so that he was only inches away, close enough that Remus thought he was going to kiss him, and he knew he wouldn't have it in him to stop him from doing so. But Sirius didn't kiss him. 

He shoved him.

 Remus stumbled back in shock, gaping at him. " _Sirius_! What-?"

 "What the fuck is your problem!" Sirius demanded angrily, stepping closer again. "You just break up with me and you disappear for bloody weeks? You show up for classes and avoid me and James and Peter? I've been worried sick about you!"

 "I had to get away, Sirius!" Remus shouted in defense, his anger growing as well as he matched Sirius' glare. "I couldn't risk hurting you! I can't control-"

 Sirius pushed him again. "Oh yeah?" He laughed coldly. "You can't control yourself? Well then come on, Remus." Another rough shove and Remus was up against the wall. "Hurt me!"

 "Sirius, stop!"

"No! You you can't fucking control yourself, right?" He hit Remus' arm. "I don't know, you seem to be controlling yourself pretty goddamn well!" 

" _Sirius_." Remus gritted his teeth, his hands curling into tight fists at his side as he continued to let Sirius come at him again and again until finally he couldn't take it anymore and he grabbed Sirius' wrist, mid swing. For a moment they were both still. Sirius' eyes bore into his own desperately. 

 "Tell me you don't love me, Remus." 

Remus let out a shaky breath and bit his lip. " _I can't_." Of course he loved him. He loved Sirius more than anything, that was the whole point.

 "Because it isn't true!" Said Sirius fiercely. "Tell me," his voice cracked a little and his piercing stare faltered. "Tell me you don't want to be with me."

 Remus closed his eyes, unable to stand the way Sirius looked at him. "You know that's not-!" he was cut off by Sirius' mouth pressed hard against his own. He wanted to push him away and pull him closer at the same time, but as Sirius' tongue ran across his bottom lip and slipped into his mouth, all resistance melted away. 

 Sirius' hands came up to cup Remus' face and Remus wrapped his arms around his waist as the kiss became deeper, teeth clicking together and tongues hungrily searching each other's mouths. 

 "Sirius," Remus broke away, panting and feeling Sirius' own breath, warm on his face. "You have to understand...I can't put you at risk. I can't put _myself_ at risk!" He added as he saw Sirius begin to argue. It worked and Sirius' expression softened, appearing almost guilty as he took a small step backwards. "I just need some space while I figure this out, Padfoot. Please?"

 Sirius was quiet. His eyes dropped and he worried his bottom lip between his teeth as he took in Remus' words. Remus watched him anxiously, silently praying that he would see reason for once and not try to convince him, as he always did, to throw caution to the wind. 

 "Alright," Sirius said it so softly Remus wasn't sure he had said anything at all.

 "Fine. I'll...Space, right." He cleared his throat, running a shaky hand through his hair. 

 Remus' heart ached watching the emotions play over the other boy's face. At his side his left hand twitched, wanting to reach out and comfort him but he resisted. He knew if he gave in, he would just want to kiss Sirius again and he wouldn't be able to stop. He had to stick to his decision. "Sirius, I-"

 The door flung open and James and Peter came barreling in, laughing loudly and holding arms full of stolen Christmas treats from the feast.

 "Oy, Pads! What happened to -oh." James stopped short and both he and Peter stood frozen, staring at the other two. "Er...you two having a talk, then?"

 "Should we leave?" Asked Peter around the candy cane that hung from his mouth.

 Sirius shook his head. "No. It's fine. We're done." 

 His eyes met Remus' briefly before he turned and went to his own bed. 

"You alright, Pads?" James asked, though he gave Remus a questioning look. Remus looked away. 

"Yeah. Just tired. Got to rest up for the ride back tomorrow, eh?" Before any other them could respond, Sirius closed his curtain and uttered a silencing charm around his bed. That was the last thing any of them said that night.


	62. Christmas at the Potters - Year Six

The Blacks, like most old Pureblood families, were built on a solid foundation of traditions that could be traced back for centuries upon centuries. There were traditions for nearly every aspect of living when you were a part of the Noble and Most Ancient House Of Black, and they must be upheld with pride and dignity. There were traditions for meal times; Sirius knew how to tell his salad fork from his meat fork from his fish fork before he could _hold_ said cutlery on his own. Proper posture was to be maintained and of course proper attire, and if his elbows hit the table, well...off to his room without supper to await a cane across his backside. There were traditions for social events, traditions for raising your children (if you could consider letting your house elf do all the work for the first five years proper child raising) and traditions for holidays.

 Until Sirius came to Hogwarts, he had never once seen a proper Christmas Tree, nor knew who Father Christmas was. In fact, he had no idea that children received presents at all for Christmas until James pounced on him the morning they were all meant to go home for the holiday, shoving a large, brightly colored parcel in his face and shouting "Happy Christmas, mate!" so loudly that Remus threw his pillow from across the dorm and him in the head. The end result was an all out pillow fight, followed by James, Remus and Peter explaining the exchanging of gifts to a very confused, and slightly heartbroken Sirius. After that, Christmas became one of Sirius' favorite times at Hogwarts. He enjoyed the decorations and how warm and cozy the castle seemed to be despite the bitter cold outside. There was something extra magical about the school during this time.

 However, that was nothing compared to waking up Christmas morning at the Potters'. 

"HAPPY CHRISTMAS PADS!" Was James' war cry as he burst through Sirius' bedroom door and leaped into the other boy's bed. Sirius grumbled and shoved him off, pulling his heavy duvet over his head.

 "Sun's not even up yet, Prongs. G'back to bed." 

"No can do, Padfoot. Come on then, up we get." He roughly tugged the covers off of Sirius, who curled up into a ball with an annoyed whine. James groaned. "Sirius, you've been a grumpy little bitch since we got home. I'm not letting you lay about all sad and pathetic on Christmas of all days." 

 Sirius rolled his eyes and turned over to face his best friend. "I'm not planning to lay about all day, James. Just until I can look out the window and see day light."

"But-" 

 "James Potter I will hex you and you can't do shit to stop me." Sirius threatened with a slight upturn of his lips. 

James scoffed. "Merlin, a bloke turns seventeen and immediately takes advantage." He shook his head and hauled himself up. "Fine. You've got an hour before I come back here and drag you down to open presents."

Like a dog who had heard the crinkling of a food wrapper, Sirius perked up. "Presents?" 

"Well yeah, mate." Laughed James. "And if you don't get your arse out of bed, I'm taking yours as well. First come first serve." He smirked triumphantly and leaned against the door frame as Sirius scrambled out of bed.

 "Oh yeah?" Sirius grinned, shoving him out of the way. "Well then since I was on the _planet_ first, I suppose your presents are mine, by that logic?" 

"Oy! Don't touch my presents you prat!" 

 The two boys rushed through the hall and down the stairs, pushing and wrestling each other the whole way until they quite literally stumbled into the sitting room, landing on top of one another in a laughing pile right in front of the tree with a loud crash. Once he managed to dislodge himself from James' long limbs, Sirius sat upright in a stunned silence. Since Remus' decision to end their relationship, Sirius had had very few positive feelings. However, he suddenly felt a warm tingling sensation growing from deep inside. He had seen the tree the night before, he had even helped Euphemia hang some of the ornaments on it, but with the dozens of colorful packages sitting beneath it and the hazy light of the slowly rising sun in the window from behind, it was breathtakingly serene. What really had his stomach fluttering were the stockings that hung from the fireplace, and the fact that there was one on the very end that had an 'S' embroidered on it. 

 "You boys had better not be opening those presents yet!" Mrs. Potter called from the top of the stairs, bringing Sirius out of his own head and back down to Earth. Both boys quickly got to their feet as Euphemia made her way down in a festive green dressing robe and slippers. She was greeted at the bottom of the steps by the Potters' house elf, Trinket who was holding a tray of tea and biscuits. "Thank you, Trinket dear." She smiled, gratefully accepting her cup. The elf bounced over to James and Sirius who both took their own mugs of hot cocoa. James frowned at the left over tea cup. 

 "Where's dad?" 

Euphemia sighed. "He's going to be a tad late, I'm afraid. Got called into the Ministry early this morning-" 

 "On _Christmas_?" Said James, clearly outraged.

"There was..." Mrs. Potter hesitated for a moment. "Well, let's just say it was very important. He'll be home soon, dear. In the meantime, you may both go ahead and open your presents." She took a seat on the sofa and sipped her tea.

 James and Sirius both were curious to know more about what had been so important on Christmas morning, but they decided against pushing the subject. They had plenty of ways to find out more information later on and there was the much more pressing matter of gifts to be unwrapped after all. 

 It had been quite a haul. Both James and Sirius received new personalized stationary kits (" _Mum_! I told you to stop putting my middle name on these bloody things!" James whined) and they had also both been given the newest racing broom on the market. Their stockings were full of candy and baked goods, and then there were the usual scarves and gloves and things they _needed_ rather than things they actually wanted. 

Peter had sent James a stack of rare Quidditch trading cards and a guitar pick for Sirius with an excitedly scribbled note explaining that his muggle cousin had met Pink Floyd backstage after a concert and had managed to secure one of David Gilmour's picks. 

"Nothing from Remus." Sirius muttered, taking another look under the tree to see if he had missed anything. 

 "Nothing from Remus _yet_." James corrected him. "It's still early. Maybe his owl's just not made it here yet."

Sirius shrugged it off, trying not to think too much about it. Nor did he have to, because at that moment the fireplace glowed bright green and Mr. Potter stepped through, brushing floo powder and ash off his robes. 

 "Good morning all. Happy Christmas!" He smiled, despite looking exhausted. "Well, it looks like you've gone and started the festivities without me. I hope I haven't missed breakfast?" 

 Euphemia stood and greeted her husband with a kiss. "Just in time, I believe." 

 Breakfast was great, even though Mr. Potter declined several times to tell James and Sirius what his emergency meeting at the ministry had been about. It was nothing for them to concern themselves with, or so Mr. Potter insisted. Defeated, the boys excused themselves to the yard to try out their new brooms and enjoy the freshly fallen blanket of snow that was incidentally perfect for a snowball fight. They returned to the house hours later, sopping wet and frozen to the bone and laughing to hard to care as Trinket hurried towards them with dry clothes and more steaming mugs of cocoa.

 "Thanks Trink." Sirius shivered, peeling his soaked jeans off his legs with some difficulty and accepting the new pair from the elf. They were warm, he guessed they had been charmed.

 "Merlin that's nice." James sighed as he too pulled on his dry trousers. "Thought I was going to freeze a bloody bullock off." 

"Ah, what a shame that've been for Mary when you returned to school a eunuch." Sirius snickered, earning a swift smack to the back of his head. Sirius turned and pulled his wand out, sending little sparks at the other boy's feet and making him jump. 

 "AH! Shit, Pads!" Hissed James when one actually hit him. "No fair, mate!" 

Sirius was about to come back with a snarky remark, but Trinket gave a tiny cough and interrupted. "Trinket is sorry, Sirs. But Master and Mistress Potter wish for Trinket to fetch Master Sirius for them." 

 They both stopped dead in their fooling around and exchanged confused looks. Sirius felt his stomach drop. In his experience, parents wanting to speak with him never ended well. Were they going to tell him he had to find somewhere else to live by the summer? He was seventeen, an adult by Wizard standards, and no longer required guardianship. James must have sensed what he was thinking and he stepped closer, clapping him on the shoulder. 

 "No worries, mate." He smiled reassuringly. "I'm sure it's nothing. Mum and Dad love you." 

Sirius bit his lip and shook his head. "Your parents have done way more than they ever had to, Prongs. I can't expect them to let me stay forever."

"Don't be stupid, Sirius." Said James seriously, giving his shoulder a light squeeze as they both headed towards Mr. Potter's study. "You think they'd be kicking you out on Christmas? Come on, stop thinking the worst!" 

 "Can you blame me?" Muttered Sirius, wrapping his arms around himself anxiously. He sighed. "Sorry, it's just habit I guess. You're right, I'm being silly. I just don't know how much more bad news I can handle right now, you know?" 

James nodded solemnly. "Yeah Mate, I know." 

They were standing in front of the door to the study, James raised his hand to knock - 

"It's getting out of hand, 'Phemia." Said Mr. Potter's tired voice on the other side of the door and James and Sirius paused. "The Ministry can't keep up anymore. He gains more followers each day! The scariest thing is that a lot of them aren't much older than James and Sirius."

James and Sirius looked at each other with wide eyes before pressing their ears to the door to listen. 

"He's going to all of the Pureblood families to recruit. Most of them obviously join up without question-" 

 "And what if they refuse?" Asked Euphemia, sounding anxious.

Fleamont paused. "Aurors found the Bellrose's house blown apart last night." 

 Euphemia gasped, as did both James and Sirius. 

"Anastasia Bellrose? The Ravenclaw in our year?" James hissed, looking terrified. Sirius swallowed and nodded. 

 "There were no survivors." Fleamont continued. They could hear his foot steps as he paced back and forth across the floor. "I hope Trinket didn't forget to tell Sirius we needed to speak with him." 

 Sirius' stomach was in knots and he looked to James with fear. James shook his head and sighed. "It'll be fine. I'll wait out here for you, yeah?" 

Sirius nodded. "Yeah..." His voice shook, as did his hand as he raised it and knocked on the door. 

 "Come in!" Fleamont called. Sirius took a deep breath and opened the door. "Ah, there you are son! Come on in, sit down." The man smiled broadly, his tone holding no traces of the fact that he had just finished discussing the death of one of their classmates and her entire family. Sirius tried his best to appear as if he hadn't been listening. He closed the door behind him and managed a weak smile in return, slowly walking to the seat beside Euphemia. 

 "Are you alright, sweetheart?" Asked Euphemia as Sirius sat down. She frowned a little as she raised one hand and rested it on Sirius' forehead. "You look pale."

Sirius nodded quickly. "I'm fine, mum. Probably just from being outside, you know." 

Euphemia shook her head and sighed. "You boys are going to catch your death, flying around on those brooms in this weather." 

 "Nonsense, 'Phemia!" Fleamont laughed, taking his seat behind his desk and rummaging through the drawers. "They're strong lads. A bit of cold weather is good for them. Aha, here it is!" He produced a small, square box from the drawer and set it aside on the desk. "Now then, Sirius. I wanted to apologize-" 

Sirius frowned. "A-apologize? For what?" He couldn't imagine. The Potters had done more for him than anyone ever had in his entire life. 

 "For missing your Birthday, of course. Seventeen is quite a big deal for a young wizard!" Said Fleamont. 

"We should have at least written to you." Euphemia said regretfully. "We just wanted you to know that we certainly didn't forget, dear. We just thought this was better done in person and since you were coming home for Christmas, we figured we would just wait."

Blinking, Sirius looked from Fleamont to Euphemia in confusion. "I don't understand..." The confusion only grew as Fleamont slid the small box on his desk to sit in front of Sirius. He hesitated for a second, but with an encouraging nod from Euphemia, Sirius reached forward and took it. His fingers shook a little as he removed the lid and his breath caught in his chest. 

 "It is tradition after all," Said Fleamont. "For a wizard to receive a watch for his seventeenth birthday." 

Sirius' jaw dropped as he stared at the polished silver pocket watch in the box. He could feel his heart beating hard against his chest and, to his embarrassment, tears burning his eyes as he carefully ran his fingertips over the detailed carvings around the edge. He wanted to say something, anything, but he couldn't form the words for what he was feeling and he just kept sputtering, "I-I...Wh-..." As Fleamont explained that this watch had belonged to his great uncle.

He felt Euphemia's gentle hand on his shoulder. "Happy Birthday, dear." She kissed his cheek and that was about all he could take. Setting the box back down on the desk, he flung his arms around her in a tight hug that was returned with just as much enthusiasm. 

 "You've done so much for me already," Sirius said tearfully, slightly muffled with his face buried in the woman's shoulder. "Y-you haven't had to...I d-don't deserve-" 

"Shhh..." Euphemia's hand rubbed his back in slow circles. "Don't be silly, Sirius. We love you very much, don't you ever forget that." 

 "That's right, Sirius." Her husband added. "You are our son. Never doubt it, my boy. This is your family." 

When Sirius finally left the study, some time later after having to compose himself and countless Thank Yous to both Mr. and Mrs. Potter, James was still standing in the hall. He was leaning casually against the wall on the opposite side and picking at his fingernails. 

 Sirius rolled his eyes. "You can cut the innocent act, Potter. I know you were listening." 

James cracked a grin, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter. "You cried, mate."

 "You're such a prat." 

"You actually cried, Padfoot. Merlin, you're such a bird." James chuckled, throwing an arm around Sirius' shoulders as they walked back to his bedroom. "Really though, I told you not to worry so much. My parents will probably kick me out before they give you the boot." He kicked open the door to his room and flopped onto the bed, pulling the stack of Quidditch cards from Peter out of his pocket. Almost as soon as Sirius sat down beside him, a tap on the window made them both look up.

 "Might be Moony's owl." James said, poking Sirius in the side and giving him a hopeful smile. "Go let it in." 

Sirius crossed the room and pushed the window open, letting the large copper barn owl in. He frowned. That wasn't the Lupin family's owl, but it was certainly familiar. A slow smirk spread across his face as he took the letter from the bird's beak. "Well, hello there...Titania, is that right?" He heard James choke. "What's Lily Evans' owl doing delivering mail to James 'The Arrogant Toerag' Potter', eh?" 

 James was on his feet in under a second, making a desperate grab for the letter, but Sirius ducked and laughed. "Does Mary know you and Evans are corresponding, Prongsy?" 

"Sirius, give me the letter." James demanded, narrowing his eyes as Sirius hopped up onto the bed and held the letter above his head. 

 "No way in hell!" Sirius chuckled, opening the envelope and unfolding the parchment. " _James,_ \- Wow, first name basis, no insults. Off to a good start-" 

"I mean it, Sirius! Give that to me!" James sounded urgent, but Sirius paid him no mind and jumped out of the way when his friend made another lunge for him.

Sirius whipped his wand out and pointed it at James in a mock threat as he continued to read Lily Evans' letter out loud with a shit eating grin. " _I've been going over everything we discussed that night in the library -_ The Library? James, you dog!-" 

 "Sirius, stop!" 

" _And it seems that our suspicions about Remus' behavior were-"_ The grin faded from Sirius' face and he stopped reading the letter outloud. His eyes scanned over Lily's elegant script, his mouth falling open slightly and the color draining from his face. James held his breath. When Sirius finished, he dropped the parchment on the bed and refused to look at the other boy. "You were researching this behind my back?" He asked quietly.

 James licked his lips and took a breath. "We didn't want to say anything until we were sure. We were worried abou-" 

"Does Remus know?" 

 "Sirius-" 

" _Does. He. Know_?" 

 After a moment James nodded. "He does." 

Sirius sniffed and tried to cover it with a cough as he jumped off James' bed and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "So everyone's in on it but me, then?" 

 "Well...well, no. Not everyone. It's just me, Lily and Rem-" 

"And you didn't think I deserved to know as well?" Sirius snapped, glaring daggers at his best friend. "You didn't think I'd want to help? It's _my boyfriend_ you're reading up on after all! Hell, it's my _life_!" He pushed roughly past James towards the door. 

 James sighed. "Sirius, it's not like that. What are you do-" 

"I just need a minute." Sirius mumbled, leaving the room and closing the door behind him. He crossed the hall to his own room, grabbing his leather jacket and searching his pockets for his cigarettes. Tucking one behind his ear he went to the large bay window and slid it open, swinging his legs over the edge and leaning against the side. He took the cigarette and placed it between his lips, lighting it with his wand and inhaling deeply. 

 It wasn't James he was mad at. He knew that it James and Evans had been trying to help and that keeping it from him had probably been to save him the exact emotions he was currently feeling. That dull, aching, heavy feeling in his chest. 

Remus knew. He _knew_ what was happening to him, and he was still going through with this whole break up. Shouldn't this have been good news? The answer seemed so easy to Sirius. Something that would bond him to Remus, that made them stronger together and connected them...He would have jumped right on board with that if Remus had asked him to...

 And that could only mean that Remus didn't want it. Not with him. 

He heard the door open and close behind him and he quickly wiped his eyes with the back on his hand before James climbed up to sit on the opposite end of the window sill. Neither of them said anything and Sirius kept his eyes on the waxing moon. It would be full in just a few more days.

 Tossing the burnt out butt of his cigarette, Sirius reached into his pocket for the carton. 

"Could I get one of those?" James asked quietly. 

 Sirius glanced at him for a second then shrugged and held them out to him. He took one for himself and lit them both and they sat in silence once more.

"I'm really sorry, Sirius." Said James after a while. "You're right. We should have included you when we decided to do the research. If it helps, we didn't tell Remus either. I only told him to make him come back to the dorm. I thought it would fix things." 

 Sirius shook his head. "There's no fixing it." He muttered, flicking some ash. "Obviously he doesn't want to have that with me." He forced a laugh before taking another deep drag of his cigarette. "Can you blame him? After what I did to him last year, it's no wonder he wouldn't want to be stuck with me forever. He doesn't deserve to be..." 

James snorted and Sirius finally looked at him with a deep frown. 

 "Merlin the two of you are bloody stupid." Said James. "If you would both stop and see yourselves the way you see each other, you'd be set."

"What's that suppose to mean?" 

 James held up a finger as he tried, and failed, to blow a smoke ring. He sighed. "I mean you are both constantly putting yourselves down and claiming that you aren't good enough for each other." He shook his head. "You know Remus, mate. You know he isn't distancing himself from you because he doesn't love you. He's doing the exact same self pitying bullshit that you're doing. He's moping about and thinking 'Oh, Sirius should find someone better' and 'I can't make Sirius stay with me just because I'm a werewolf' and all that stupid Moony shit he pulls." 

Sirius pulled his jacket tighter around him and didn't say anything. James snubbed out the last of his cigarette and threw it into the cold, dark night. He pulled a small, thin, brightly wrapped box out of his jacket and held it out to the other boy. "Moony's owl came. I got the newest addition of Quidditch Through The Ages, special edition too." He shook the box when Sirius made no move to take it. "Sirius?" 

Sirius took it and stuffed it into his own pocket. He looked up, meeting James' questioning look. "I'm just not ready." 

"Right then. Want me to leave you alone?" James asked, preparing to stand up and give Sirius his space.

Sirius shook his head. "Not really, no." He glanced up again. "Stay?" 

"Yeah, mate. You know I'm here for you."  James smiled and put his arm around Sirius' shoulders. "'Til the very end, Pads." 

 


	63. Want Vs Need-  Year Six

The full moon happened to land on the day that students were meant to return to Hogwarts after their holiday break, so Remus was not on the train. Sirius was leaning his forehead on the window, only half listening to James and Peter who were throwing ideas back and forth for the first big prank of the new calendar year. Sirius himself made a comment here or there, but mostly he just stared out at the quickly passing scenery and the large glowing orb hanging in the sky, a mocking reminder of who wasn't with them. 

 He heard the compartment door slide open and was going to ignore it, but his stomach rumbled loudly and he sighed. 

 "Hey Worm, could you get me some cauldron cakes, mate?" 

  _Merlin I even sound depressed_ , he thought as he didn't even bother to lift his head off the cool glass window.

 "Sorry Black," It was the voice of Lily Evans and not the trolley witch that responded to him. "I'm actually just here with some notes from the prefect meeting for Remus. I figured you lot would get to him before me." She slid the door closed behind her and took a seat next to James, handing him a sheet of parchment with neatly scribbled notes. "Is he alright?" She asked in a hushed voice. 

 James sighed. "Yeah, he'll be fine. He's just...y'know."

 "Pining." Peter supplied.

 Sirius scowled. "I can hear you, you know." He finally turned to face the others. "And I am not  _pining_ , thank you very much. I'm just-" His stomach growled again and he crossed his arms over it defiantly. "Hungry. I'm just hungry. I'll feel much better once I've had something to eat. I'm  _fine_."

 Three pairs of eyes blinked at him and he knew none of them were falling for it. He rolled his eyes and returned to staring out the window. Beside him he felt the weight of the seat shift and a hand lightly touched his shoulder. In the reflection of the window he could see red hair.

  "I'm fine Evans."He said once more, gritting his teeth.

"So I've heard," Lily replied, her voice calm and quiet. He heard her searching through her bag and at the sound of some sort of wrapper, his interest peaked. He sat up slightly straighter, but kept his head facing stubbornly away...though his eyes were now focused on the reflection of the girl behind him rather than the moon.

 "My mum and I bake these the night before I return to school whenever I go home." Lily explained, opening a plastic bag and holding a very delicious smelling chocolate chip cookie out to the back of Sirius' head. "Since your hungry."

 With a quiet whine of defeat, Sirius flopped back in his seat to face forward. "Thanks." He muttered as he accepted the treat and took a bite. It did make him feel a little better.

 "Could I get one of those, Evans?" James asked, leaning in and reaching for the bag in Lily's lap. Lily slapped his wrist sharply.

 "Merlin, where you raised in a barn, Potter? I was going to offer you one, now I don't think I will." She handed one to Peter and took one for herself before closing the bag back up. James and Lily bickered for a few moments before Lily gave a frustrated sigh and handed the boy a cookie.

"Are you happy now?" 

 "Yes, quite." Said James around a mouthful of chocolate chips. Lily shook her head and put the cookies back in her school bag. 

 "So how will Remus get to school, anyway?" She asked.

 "Floo, probably." Peter shrugged. "I mean, no one can apparate onto the grounds, right?"

"Maybe a portkey?" James suggested. "He wasn't sure when I asked him, but I'm sure Dumbledore and his dad have set something up for him."

 As the conversation went on, Sirius began to feel restless. He tried to tune everyone else out, reciting lyrics to songs in his head or trying to come up with some clever pranks, but he couldn't sit anymore with that stupid moon there in the window. He stood up and everyone stopped talking to look at him questioningly. 

"I'm going for a walk." He said simply, pulling his jacket on. 

James and Peter glanced at each other and then back up at him. 

 "You want company, mate?" Peter asked, starting to get to his feet already. 

"Nah, it's fine. I'll be right back." He forced a smile as they watched him with disbelief evident on their faces. "What trouble could I possibly get into on the bloody train, guys? Seriously, I'm just going to get some air, relax." When no one made a move to stop him he left the compartment, closing the door carefully behind him. He wasn't sure exactly where he was planning to go or what he wanted to do, but he had felt as though he was being smothered back there.  

 As he opened the door leading to the next car, he dug into his pockets for his pack of cigarettes and his fingers brushed across the long, thin, still wrapped box Remus had sent for Christmas and his stomach dropped. 

  "Oooh! Planning to jump!" Squealed a sickening voice from behind that made the hair on Sirius' arms stand on end and his body went rigid. Taking a deep breath he turned around to face his cousin.

"Trixie, you're looking quite...well, quite like a banshee as usual." He smirked and leaned against the open door, feeling the cold air from outside wooshing past him. 

 Bellatrix pouted mockingly. "What's wrong Siri? The Potters wouldn't adopt you? They send you back to the pound with the rest of the unwanted mutts?" 

  Sirius rolled his eyes, plucking a cigarette from his carton and placing it between his lips. "You're not surrounded by your usual crowd of creeps either, Trix. Where are they at?Out torturing muggleborns? Maybe blowing up houses of Purebloods that won't conform?" 

 Bellatrix giggled, a high pitched, childish sound that made Sirius want to punch her in the throat like he did when they were six and she wouldn't stop calling Regulus names. He'd gotten quite a beating for that then...it was certainly worth a detention now...

 "They're all back in the compartment, of course." Bellatrix' lips twisted into a sick smile as she eyed Sirius up and down. "Rudolphus and Rabastian, Severus, Avery, Mulciber, of course...and Regulus." 

 Sirius' chest tightened at the mention of his brother. He narrowed his eyes, jutting his chin out confidently and sneering at Bellatrix. "Regulus wouldn't join your little club, Bella. You'll have to try a lot harder if you're trying to get a rise out of me, you know."

 "Wouldn't he?" Said Bellatrix, frowning at him. "You said yourself, purebloods who don't join up are being... _dealt with_ , aren't they?" 

  _She's bullshitting_ , He told himself.  _Regulus may be a little twat, but he wouldn't stoop to hanging around the likes of those arsehats._

_"_ Go suck a cock, Bella." Sirius growled, lighting the end of his cigarette with his wand and turning away from her to face the open door.

 "Oooh!" Bellatrix cackled, clapping her hands together. "Such language. Well, I'd tell you to do the same, cousin...but rumor around the school is your freaky little boy toy's gone and left you."

 Sirius choked on the smoke he had just inhaled. After a moment of hacking and catching his breath, his fists clenched at his sides and he started to count backward from ten in his head. 

  _9, 8, 7.._

 He heard Bellatrix chuckle to herself. 

 "What was that about needing to try harder to get a rise from you, Siri?" 

  _6, 5,4.._.

 The sound of her foot steps began to walk away from him and he relaxed every muscle in his body. The foot steps stopped.

 "You really should just jump." 

 With a growl Sirius turned back around, ready to hex his cousin into oblivion, but she was nowhere to be seen. 

 Facing the open door once again, he tossed the butt of his cigarette off to the side, watching it quickly disappear as the train sped on. He took a few deep gulps off fresh air, bracing himself with a hand on both sides of the doorframe. He never realized how fast the train moved before...

 Bellatrix had to be lying, he told himself. Regulus was never interested in what Mulciber and those cult-following creeps were up to...was he? Now that he thought about it, he hadn't spoken to Regulus in over a year. A lot could have changed with his brother, especially with no one there to direct him the other way...

 It was Sirius' own fault if Bellatrix was telling the truth. He had abandoned Regulus without a second thought. He had been selfish enough to push his way into a different family, a family that could easily get tired of him, just as Bellatrix had said...most people did, after all....Remus sure seemed to have done so...

  _You really should just jump_...

Everything was happening so fast...

 "Sirius!"

 The sound of his name made him jump and turn, and he was surprised to find Lily standing there, her green eyes wide with concern. He swallowed past his suddenly dry mouth. 

"E-Evans..." He cleared his throat. "What are you doing here?" 

 Without taking her eyes off of Sirius' face, Lily took a cautious step towards him. "Peter went off to find Emmeline and then Mary came in looking for James and I..." She trailed off, something unrecognizable flickering in her eyes. She shook it off. "Well I figured they'd want their privacy of course." 

 "...of course..." Sirius muttered, staring intently back at the girl as she took another step forward. 

 "Are you alright, Sirius?" She asked as she finally stood just inches away from him, her left hand twitching at her side as if she was keeping herself from reaching out to him. 

 Sirius wanted to tell her that no, he was not alright. He wanted to tell her about what he and James had overheard Mr and Mrs. Potter saying about the war coming, and that he had reason to believe his cousins, and quite possibly his little brother, may have had something to do with it. He wanted to tell her how scared he was that this man leading them...Lord Voldemort...may come after him, asking him to join ranks like the rest of his family and that he may even go after James' family as well...and he was afraid of what would happen if they declined. 

 He wanted to tell her how badly he missed Remus and how empty and meaningless his life would be if the other boy refused to take him back because of this silly werewolf bonding thing...

 

  "I'm fine." He lied. He took a step away from the open door and saw Lily visibly relax. "I just needed some air, like I said before." He forced a smile and even though he could tell that Lily didn't believe him, she smiled back and offered her hand.

  "Want to come sit with me and Marley and Dorcas, then?" 

 "Yeah." He nodded, taking her hand and squeezing it gently. "I would." 

 

-

 The moon had been particularly tough on Remus this month. It was never easy on the nights he spent alone, without the other marauders to distract and entertain him, but this moon had been even worse. Besides his missing pack, there was the desperate, yearning pull at his soul to mate. The wolf howled endlessly, calling for the loyal black dog, wondering where he was and why he wasn't answering. He had scratched at the walls of his parents' cellar until his claws bled, trying to escape and find his companions. He threw himself at the concrete over and over until he had finally passed out in a heap on the cold stone floor. 

 He woke up feeling guilty as his mother and father fussed over his wounds and cleaned up the mess. 

 He barely made eye contact with his father, even after they arrived in the Headmaster's office through the Floo network Dumbledore had unlocked for them late the following night. He had hugged him goodbye, politely thanked the Headmaster, and slowly headed back to his dormitory without a word. 

 It was very late and when he opened the door to his dorm he could hear Peter's snores and James' mumbles and, if he listened close enough, Sirius' steady breathing. He kicked off his shoes and stripped down to his boxers, not bothering with pajamas, before slipping beneath the covers and drawing the curtain around his bed. The pull of the moon was still so strong, it was hard for him to rest his mind enough to sleep, especially when he could smell the dark haired boy in the bed next to his. The boy that belonged there in his bed with him...The one the wolf wanted... 

Sirius wanted it too, he could smell it on him...

He curled into a tighter ball and flipped over to face the other side, pulling the covers up over his face.

_Absolutely not_ , He argued with himself. _It's far too much to ask of anyone. And Sirius doesn't know what he wants for breakfast, let alone the rest of his bloody life._

Remus had made up his mind over the break. He and Sirius had to be done, or he'd risk ruining both of their lives. He couldn't put Sirius through that. He loved him far too much. He loved him just enough to let him go.

And with that, Remus fell into a fitful sleep. 

 

- 

_Warm, sticky, copper-tasting blood poured into his mouth as his teeth dug into the kill he had pinned under his paws. He had never felt stronger or more complete in his entire life as the poor creature below him stopped struggling, stopped breathing, stopped...being..._

_Lifting his head he let out a triumphant howl before licking his blood soaked paws clean. Energy surged through him, he wanted more. He wanted to feel this powerful and alive always. He barked once, a call for his pack to join him. There was a bit of meat left on the animal, he assumed it was a bear or something, that Moony would be kind enough to offer to Padfoot if the dog wanted to take part. Moony, as the Alpha, would always share with the night's kill with his Mate..._

  _But the pack didn't respond. Padfoot didn't yip in return and come running to his side, Nor did Prongs or Wormtail return from whatever adventure they had run off to enjoy while Moony fed..._

_He sniffed the air, trying to pick up on their scents but the smell of blood and carnage was overwhelming. He could, however, make out the scent of Padfoot somewhere under it all. He howled again for the dog, this time more urgently. Padfoot and Prongs did get easily distracted together, after all..._

  _Silence._

  _Confused, Moony turned back to the bear carcass. But it wasn't a bear at all._

_It was a big, shaggy black dog._

 

_-_

Sirius woke up to a sound he hadn't heard in years, but would recognize in an instant for as long as he would live.

The quiet whimpers and gasps of breath, the incoherently mumbled words and dry sobs, and of course the creaking of the bed frame as his roommate tossed and turned in the bed beside his own.

  Sirius didn't move. He stared at the canopy of his own bed, holding his breath and counting the seconds that went by, praying that whatever nightmare was plaguing Remus would settle quickly on its own. It was no longer his place to stop them, was it? 

 But then he heard the whimper of "Padfoot..." 

 Without another thought, he swung his legs over the side of this mattress and tiptoed across to the other bed, carefully peeling back the curtain. 

 His breath caught in his throat, as for a split second Sirius could have sworn it was the quiet, eleven year old boy with the mysterious scars littering his tiny body that was tangled up in the sheets. Sirius shook his head quickly and that image was replaced with the taller, lankier version of the no-longer-a-boy-but-almost-a-man thrashing back and forth on the mattress. 

"No..." Remus moaned softly, eyes screwed tightly shut. Sirius' heart broke as he quickly debated the situation in his head. Remus might be angry with him if he slipped into bed beside him, as they were no longer a couple and trying to give each other space...but on the other hand...

 "Padfoot..." 

_Fuck it_. He thought. He knelt down on the bed, closing the curtains around them. Tentatively he reached up and brushed the sweat soaked curls from the boy's forehead. "Moony, it's alright..." He whispered desperately, but Remus didn't wake up. Rather, he let out an anguished cry and nearly lifted off the mattress completely. 

"No...no...Padfoot....please..." 

  "I'm right here, Remus..." Sirius' voice shook as he tried to gently wake the boy to no avail. He sat back on heels, watching Remus' distraught fit and feeling his insides crumble to pieces. "I'm here, Moony..." He whispered again, before he shifted into a dog and crawled forward on his belly, resting his large, shaggy head on the werewolf's chest and whimpering softly. 

 After a moment, everything went still and quiet. Remus' breathing evened out and Padfoot licked the sleeping boy's tear stained face. He felt familiar fingers lace through his fur and Remus' heartbeat slowed back to a steady, calm rhythm that quickly lulled Padfoot to sleep.  

-

The sun wasn't even up yet when Remus woke up to find himself in the all too familiar position, wrapped around the giant black dog with a face full of fur. 

 "Padfoot..." He croaked, his throat still felt raw from the moon the night before. He gently shook the dog until it opened one silvery grey eye. "Pads, change back..." 

 The dog sat up with a huge yawn, and he stretched and shook out his fur before obeying and turning back so that Sirius Black was now sitting in front of Remus. "Alright, Moony?" Sirius mumbled, rubbing his sleepy eyes. "'s early..." 

 Remus nodded. "I...Yes, I'm fine." He licked his lips. "Sorry if I woke you with...well..."

  Sirius frowned at him. "You don't need to apologize, Remus." He laid down on his side beside him, propping his head up on one elbow. "Do you want to talk about it? It seemed pretty-" 

 

 "No." Remus said a little too quickly, taking Sirius aback. Remus sighed. "Sorry. N-no...I just...I'd rather forget about it." 

 Sirius stared at him for a few seconds, trying to read into something that Remus was determined to keep him out of. "Remus-" 

 "You can go back to your bed now, Sirius. I'm alright." He refused to meet Sirius' eyes. 

 "I don't mind staying with you." Sirius whispered. One of Sirius' hands crept over Remus' own and his thumb stroked over his knuckles. "Please, Moony...Let me stay. Let me fix this...I love y-"

"I want you to see other people." The words spilled from Remus' mouth before he had the chance to stop them and he finally looked up to meet the shocked, hurt eyes of the other boy. 

 "R-Remus, you don't-" 

"I do, Sirius." Remus insisted, though his voice shook with emotion. "I want you to find someone else." 

Sirius sat up, his eyes narrowing. "This is because of that stupid mating thing isn't it?" 

"Yes." Remus breathed, looking away again. 

 "So-so you're telling me that you want me to go off and be someone else's boyfriend?" Sirius asked venomously. "You're saying, honestly, to my face that you want me to go around, I don't know, holding some other blokes' hand in the hall? Or kissing someone else behind the greenhouses?"

 "Sirius-"

"You're saying it won't bother you in the slightest to know I'm off fucking someone else in all the places we've fucked? That's what you're honestly saying to me, Remus! That you want that and it won't bother you-!"

 "It will _kill_ me, Padfoot!" Remus said desperately, his eyes filled with emotions that Sirius had never seen before. Remus ran his hands through his hair, tugging in frustration. "Don't you understand, Sirius-?"

 "The only thing I understand is that we are meant to be together...and that you know it as well as I do." Said Sirius quietly, his hands finding Remus' and squeezing them gently. "You love me, Moony-" 

"It was never a question of whether or not I loved you, Padfoot." Remus sighed. "I'm sorry. I had a lot of time to think about this, and it's the right thing for us. You need to see other people-"

 "Why?" Asked Sirius. Merlin he was so stubborn. 

 "Because..." Remus started slowly. He slumped down slightly, staring at his lap. "Because we've only ever been with each other. I can't ask you to bind yourself to me permanently when you've never given a proper try at finding someone that's..." He trailed off. He could feel Sirius' eyes going right through him. 

 "Someone that's what, Remus?" Sirius pressed on, his voice dripping with disdain for what he knew Remus was trying to say. "Go on, tell me! Someone that's _better than you_ , right? Someone who isn't broken or cursed? Someone more suited for a spoilt little pureblood like me that can give me things like a future and a house and a family and all that white picket fence nonsense, is that it?" 

Remus didn't answer. He simply hung his head in shame. Neither of them made a sound for a while. Then Sirius leaned forward, cupping Remus' cheek in his hand. "I love you." He said firmly. "And there is nothing that anyone else can give me that would make me love you any less. A future, a house, a family..." he shook his head. "They're nothing to me if you're not the one I'm sharing it with."

  Remus' breath hitched and he felt himself leaning in almost completely subconsciously, wanting so badly to kiss Sirius' lips. 

 "But if that's what you want," Sirius said, abruptly bringing Remus back down to earth and the plan he insisted on sticking to. "Then fine. I'll see other people." Sirius got up from the bed, straightening his clothes and avoiding Remus' eyes.

 Remus felt very cold at the sudden loss. 

  "And when it doesn't work out with these other people," Sirius went on, and Remus was shocked when he looked up to see a smirk crossing the boys lips. "Then we're doing things the way we _both_ know we want them to be. Is that understood?"

 Remus nervously licked his lips. He wanted to argue, but he had no other plan to avoid this. He nodded. 

 "Good." Said Sirius, suddenly sounding much more upbeat. "And by the way, I have so dated other people." 

 Remus rolled his eyes. "You and Marley barely kissed and you both ended up as gay as could be. That doesn't count. And neither do the random shags with blokes in the broom closets."

  Sirius gave a dramatic sigh and shook his head. "So many bloody rules. Fine. We'll do it your way. But you're only hurting yourself, Moony." He walked back to his own bed.

  _Merlin I hope you're right._ Thought Remus 

 


	64. Are you Jealous - Year Six

 

Sirius Black was feeling very confident.

 Remus' request that he try to date other people had a whole different meaning in Sirius' mind. To put it simply: Make Remus Jealous. 

  That, he thought, would be relatively easy....

 Except there weren't as many male students that were interested in other men as he had thought. The Prewitt brothers had graduated last year and Sirius had already had his way with them both at one point anyway. There were a few 'curious' fourth year Ravenclaws, but Sirius had standards at the very least, and itty bitty fourth years were definitely one of them. He wasn't looking to be anyone's 'first time' and he definitely didn't need any of them growing attached. It also wasn't enough to just find a bloke to snog, he had to get Remus to catch him doing so.

  "I don't see why you can't just do what Remus told you to do." James sighed, struggling to hold a squirming niffler still as Sirius tried to paint a large, red number 1 on it.  

"I am doing what Remus said." Defended Sirius with a frown. "D'you reckon it'd be cruel to put a body bind on these guys while we do this?" 

  Peter rolled his eyes, his arms full with the other two nifflers they had stolen from Professor Grubbly-Plank's stables. "You're really concerned with animal cruelty at this stage in the plan, Padfoot? Besides, It's not like it will _hurt_ them." 

 Sirius gave a small shrug and pointed his wand at the creature in James' arms. "Sorry little guys. _Patrificus Totalus_." The Niffler's eyes grew wide in shock, but the rest of it's body went rigid. He turned and gave the same treatment to the Peter's. 

"Hooking up with Benjy Fenwick behind a suit of armor during Remus' rounds to purposely get caught is not what Remus told you to do." James said pointedly, laying the inanimate niffler on his bed and taking one from Peter so he could paint a number 3 on it.

"No idea what you mean." Sirius lied, feigning an air of innocence. "What Benjy and I had was very real, thank you very much."

Peter snorted. "Right. All twenty minutes of it, I'm sure." The shorter boy ducked as Sirius swung at him, but ended up with a face of of red paint regardless. "Look," Peter spat out some paint. "All we're saying is that Remus isn't stupid. He knows you're not taking it seriously and you're only trying to make him jealous by snogging other blokes right in his face. You need to show him you're trying."

 "Right," Grumbled Sirius, painting the number 4 on the remaining niffler. 

 James gripped his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. "Come on, Pads. It's like you told me in the beginning of the year. 'There's plenty of kelpies in the lake', and Mary and I have been dating for a while now."  

 Sirius shrugged him off, shaking his head. "Yeah, except you're a bloke that likes birds. So you've got a whole lake full of kelpies. I've got a pond with some toads and a goldfish or two if I'm lucky." 

 "And what's that make Remus, exactly?" Peter chuckled.

"The bloody frog you kiss on a dare that turns out to be a damn prince."  Sirius muttered miserably. 

 Rolling his eyes, James grabbed Sirius by the arm and dragged him up. "That's enough of that, Princess. C'mon, we've got to get these guys down to the Great Hall before everyone heads down for dinner." He and Peter counter jinxed the nifflers before getting them back into their cages. Peter took the cages, placing a silencing charm on them as James threw the cloak over his head.  

-

 

Lily climbed through the portrait hole with an excited bounce in her step. She had spent the last few hours digging in the furthest corner of the library, determined still to find any information of the mating habits of werewolves. She was covered in dust and had been bitten by a particularly angry book, but it had been worth it for some of the things she had managed to find. Smiling broadly, she made her way to the sofa by the fireplace where Mary was curled up reading a battered copy of classic muggle poetry. 

 "Hey Mary, have you seen Potter?"  

Mary glanced up at her and blinked. "What's he done wrong?" 

  Lily frowned. "Wha-? Oh! Nothing! I mean...not that I know of, anyway. I'm sure he's up to something." She found herself laughing nervously and turned into an unconvincing cough that Mary raised an eyebrow at. "Sorry," Lily blushed. "Dust." She cleared her throat once more and tucked her hair behind her ear as her friend stared at her in confusion. "Anyway, I just had to talk to him about something, but it's not important. I mean, it's important but it can wait, you know..." 

Mary closed her book slowly, not taking her eyes off her flustered friend. "Is everything alright, Lily?" 

"Of course." Lily smiled. "Why?" 

 "You've just been acting a little strange, that's all...specifically regarding James." She gave a small shrug. "You're still alright with me and him being together, aren't you?" 

"Don't be silly!" Said Lily, laughing just a little too loud. "It's been, what? Three months? I think it's great that Potter has managed not to irritate you for that long. Keep at it, whatever it is you're doing. I...I have to go find Remus. I'll see you at dinner." Without waiting for a response, he hurried back out of the common room. Once the portrait swung closed behind her she took a deep breath. "What the bloody hell was that about?" She muttered to herself, running a hand through her hair. She found herself feeling like that more often around Mary lately, like she had to force herself to act normal and the harder she tried, the farther from normal she behaved. 

 "Lily?" 

Lost in her confused thoughts, she was surprised to find herself standing in front of the Great Hall, where Remus was leaning against the heavy, closed doors, seemingly keeping a lookout. For a split second Lily considered asking why, but she decided against it. "Hi Remus." She forced a smile once again. 

 "Bit early to be down for dinner, isn't it?" Asked Remus with a concerned look.

"I could say the same for you, couldn't I?" Lily countered, smirking a little.

Remus laughed. "You could, yes. But you and I both know I'm not standing here to be first in line for pudding." He rolled his eyes before cracking the door open just enough so he could peek inside. He closed the door again and looked back at her with a sigh. "I don't know how I continue to be dragged into their shit." 

 "Oh Please," Lily grinned, folding her arms. "Everyone knows it's you that plans half of their shit. No one's buying that sweet, innocent face anymore, Lupin." 

A smirk more worthy of James or Sirius crossed Remus' face and he shrugged. "Oh plenty of people still buy it. You just know me better." He gave her a quick once over. "Seriously though, are you alright?" 

"I was looking for James- Or...Or you, really." She added quickly as both of Remus' eyebrows shot up. "Either of you." 

 Remus nodded slowly, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Uh huh...Well, you've found me." 

Lily stood there for a moment, staring blankly at him. What had she wanted to tell him? She had become so flustered earlier with Mary she couldn't remember what she had originally had to say. Mentally she retraced her steps... _Ah_! 

 "Well, it's...It's actually something you may want to discuss in private." She said with a meaningful look that Remus thankfully caught onto right away. 

"I see," He nodded, biting his lower lip. "Well...I-" He stopped speaking as he saw a group of students coming around the corner. He opened one door again, this time wide enough to see that James, Sirius and Peter were all seated innocently in their usual spots at the Gryffindor table and with a heavy sigh he opened the door the rest of the way. "We'll talk later, then?" 

She nodded, taking a step forward into the hall just to have Remus grab her by the wrist. 

 "Wait!" He dug into his school bag and pulled out a plastic fork, spoon and knife. "Take these if you actually want to eat dinner tonight." 

Lily frowned. "Do I want to ask?" 

"No." 

"Right..." 

It didn't take long to find out exactly what the boys had done. As soon as the feast appeared on the tables there was a loud clatter and a few screams as Nifflers, with the numbers 1, 3 and 4 painted on in red and gold, crawled over the tables, stealing all the silverware in their wake. Students and staff alike were driven into a panic, with the exception of course of the Marauders, who were calmly eating with their plastic utensils. 

Lily sighed and shook her head as Professor Grubbly-Plank frantically searched for the missing Niffler, much to the amusement of the boys sitting beside her. 

 "You four are never going to grow up, are you?" 

James snickered around a spoonful of pudding. "Not if we can help it, Evans." 

Whatever strange feelings Lily had been experiencing earlier about the boy were promptly forgotten. 

-

After a very stern and detailed lecture about the dozens of school rules they had broken with this particular prank, Professor McGonagall had assigned all four boys separate detentions for the night, with the exception of Remus who had prefect duties to attend to and would be writing a long letter of apology on behalf of the four of them instead. 

 Sirius was serving his detention by polishing the frames of the portraits in one of the second floor corridors, and instead of being under the supervision of a Professor, it was the Prefect that was on duty of that particular hall that he was suppose to answer to. 

Ravenclaw sixth year, Gilderoy Lockhart. 

This in itself was enough of a punishment in Sirius' opinion. The blonde prefect was an absolute narcissist to say the least and about as flamboyant as a pygmy puff on steroids. He was a bigger flirt than Sirius himself and on top of that, he wasn't even good at it. Although, his stereotypical good looks and irritatingly perfect smile seemed to do the trick, as he was never without arm candy when flouncing through the streets of Hogsmeade, and he wasn't picky about the gender of said arm candy. His very existence made Sirius want to stab his eyes out with his own wand.  

 "Bad luck, mate." James' reflection muttered quietly when Sirius had complained into the two-way mirror. "I'm sorting all the missing silverware with Grubbly-Plank checking in every ten bloody seconds..." 

"Rather that than this bubble headed nitwit." Grumbled Sirius. "As if his ego wasn't bad enough, now they're letting him watch over detentions..." 

 James snorted. "Maybe he'll go easy on you, Pads. Everyone knows he's a pushover for attention. Offer him a snog, maybe you'll get out early." 

Sirius gagged and shuddered. "You're a sick man, Potter."

James laughed, then let out an irritated groan. "Fuck, Grubbly-Plank's back. I'll see you at the dorm. Give Gilly a kiss for me, eh?" His reflection was gone before he could catch Sirius' rude hand gesture. 

 "I assure you, Black, you look just fine." A twittering laugh made Sirius' eye twitch and he turned around to face Lockhart. 

" _What_?" 

 Gilderoy nodded to the mirror still gripped in Sirius' hand. "I always wondered how you managed to look so good all the time." He flashed his irritatingly bright, white teeth as he leaned against the wall opposite Sirius. "Though I never took you for the type to carry around a mirror." He sighed and shook his head. "My image of you as a 'carelessly handsome bad boy' is shattered." 

Stuffing the mirror back into his jeans, Sirius rolled his eyes and turned back to the portrait of Beatrix Boxam to continue scrubbing at her frame. "Sorry to disappoint, I suppose." 

 "Oh, I'm certainly not disappointed." The Ravenclaw hummed in approval as Sirius bent to dip his rag in polish. "Not at all." 

Gritting his teeth, Sirius glared over his shoulder at the other boy. "Flattering. But I have a-" 

"A boyfriend?" Gilderoy finished for him, pushing off the wall and strolling over to stand beside him. "Sources say you don't, actually. Word travels around school, you know..." 

 "Nice try." Sirius smirked and took a threatening step forward, towering over Gilderoy, who's smile vanished immediately.  "But I was going to say, I have a few hexes I'd love to test out, and if you aren't interested in becoming my test-dummy, I suggest you keep your third year level flirting to a minimum and let me finish out my detention." 

Gilderoy huffed in disappointment and stepped away, leaning against the wall again and watching Sirius out of the corner of his eye. Sirius did his best to ignore him, putting all of his concentration into scrubbing the silver frames of Witches and Wizards he was probably related to in some way.

 "So what happened?" Asked Lockhart, sounding bored after the long, extended silence that Sirius had been thoroughly enjoying.

Sirius didn't look away from Xavier Rastrick's portrait.  _Mother's great uncle's second cousin, I think..._

"Black?" 

 " _WHAT_?" 

"What happened?" Gilderoy repeated, unaffected by Sirius' outburst. 

Sirius stared at him, he must be dumber than he looked. "What do you-? Ugh. My friends and I let a bunch of nifflers loose in the Great Hall to steal the silverware, weren't you there-? 

Gilderoy rolled his eyes. "I mean between you and your boyfriend. That Lupin kid." He waved his hand dismissively at Remus' name, making Sirius want to punch him. "I mean, everyone knows you two have been practically married since first year. Though I can't imagine why..." 

Sirius' fists clenched so hard he heard his knuckles crack. He let out a slow breath. 

 " _Remus_ decided that we should see other people." Sirius sighed. He wasn't sure why he was answering to that pompous oaf anyway, but he supposed it was better than letting any rumors fly around. "And it's only temporary." He added quickly.

Gilderoy hummed thoughtfully, once again braving a step closer to Sirius so that the Gryffindor's back was pressed against the portrait he had been polishing. "It doesn't have to be temporary, you know. You shouldn't sell yourself short, Black. You're the best looking boy in the school, well, besides me of course-" Sirius groaned inwardly, using every ounce of self control in his body to not pummel Lockhart to the ground and knock those ridiculously stark white teeth out of his pretty head. "Why limit yourself to Lupin when you can do so much better?" 

 Before Sirius could stop himself, he grabbed a fistful of the blonde's shirt and flipped them so that Lockhart was the one pinned against the wall. He drew back his fist, prepared to deliver what was sure to be a very satisfying punch when he saw someone rounding the corner in his peripheral vision.

"Sirius?"

_Remus_.

  _This better work._ He thought desperately, and he pressed his lips against Lockart's. 

For a second it felt like everything stopped. He heard Remus' footsteps stop short and he was sure the werewolf was staring at them.  _Might as well make it believable._

Pressing himself fully against the Ravenclaw, Sirius moaned and parted his lips to allow Gilderoy to slide his tongue in with a little too much enthusiasm. He tasted too strongly of mint, like he carried mouthwash with him for just such occasions, and it gave Sirius an instant headache. In a very bold move, one of Gilderoy's hands slid down his back and grabbed his arse a little too hard and Sirius had to stop himself from biting down on the boy's tongue. 

 The sound of Remus clearing his throat loudly should have been Sirius' excuse to stop, but he was feeling spiteful and he kept going until finally;

" _Sirius Black!"_

_Success!_ Sirius thought smugly as he broke away from Lockhart with a smirk. "Hey Rem. I didn't know you were there." 

 Remus was standing with his arms crossed, amber eyes glaring daggers at his fellow prefect. "Lockhart, I should report you for abusing your post." He said coldly. "You're suppose to be monitoring students in detention, not snogging them." 

 "Detention's over according to my watch." Said Lockhart airily, making a show of wiping his mouth on his sleeve. Sirius saw Remus' eyes flash and his lip curled.

"So it is." Remus growled softly. He finally locked eyes with Sirius, who suddenly felt very small and not quite as confident and cocky as he had moments ago. "Which means you should be heading back to the dorm, shouldn't you?" 

 Sirius licked his lips. "Uh-" 

" _Padfoot, come_." 

Feeling like a dog who had been caught digging through the garbage, Sirius went to Remus' side with his figurative tail between his legs.  Without another word or look to Lockhart, Sirius followed Remus toward Gryffindor tower. 

 Sirius could feel Remus' anger coming off of him as they walked in complete silence. Still, he had won, hadn't he? Remus wouldn't be so mad if he hadn't been jealous...

"So you're mad at me, then?" He asked once the silence began to bother him more than anything else. 

 "Yes, I am mad at you." said Remus, keeping his eyes forward.

"Well that's not exactly fair, Moony. I'm only doing what you told me t-" 

 "You are _not_ doing what I told you to do!" Remus snapped, rounding on him. "You aren't taking this seriously! You're snogging random blokes and hoping I walk up on you. So what, Sirius? So I'll get _jealous_? So I'll realize how badly I want you to myself and how much it hurts to see someone else touch you? That's not what this is about, Sirius! It isn't about whether or not I want you! It's about you giving yourself a fair chance at finding-" 

 " _For your information,"_ Sirius cut in, his own anger rising as he met Remus' glare. "I wasn't just _snogging random blokes_ to make you jealous! I happen to have a date with him in Hogsmeade next weekend!" The lie fell from his mouth before he had time to think and he almost immediately regretted it. 

 Remus stared at him, jaw dropped and eyes wide before he started to laugh. "Yeah right, Padfoot. You expect me to believe that? You bloody hate that twat!" Sirius remained expressionless and eventually Remus' laughter died. By now they were standing in front of the portrait of the fat lady, staring wordlessly at one another. 

Remus swallowed. "Sirius-" 

"You need to get back to your rounds." Sirius muttered. "Goodnight, Remus." He turned to the portrait. " _Collywobbles"_  

The portrait swung open and Sirius stepped inside. 


	65. Soulmate - Year Six *

"You've got to be kidding me." Peter said flatly as Remus finished telling him about what he had witnessed the night before. Sirius and James had left early that morning so that James could run some new plays for the Quidditch team, regardless of the fact that it was the middle of January, freezing cold and Quidditch wouldn't return until March.

 "Do I look like I'm kidding?" Remus groaned, still lying on his back on top of his bed sheets. 

" _Lockhart_ though? Sirius hates that twat." Said Peter with a visible shudder. "Are you sure he wasn't doing it to get a rise out of you? You know how he gets..." 

 "That's what I thought at first, I mean he's been snogging any bloke he get his hands on when he knows I'm looking. I'm shocked he hasn't snogged James just to see what I'd do..."

 Peter made a face. "Don't give him any ideas, mate." 

Remus covered his face with his hands. "Fuck..." He sighed and sat up, leaning against his headboard. "Apparently he's actually got a _date_ with that peacock." 

 "A date?" The shorter boy laughed.  "Padfoot doesn't go on dates. He never took _you_ on-" He trailed off when he saw a hurt look cross over Remus' face. "N-not that that means, you know...anything. It's just-" 

 "It's fine, Wormtail." Remus sighed, running both of his hands through his hair. "It's my own fault this is happening anyway, isn't it? I told him to see other people." He knew it was going to be painful to see Sirius with someone else, but he supposed it would stop hurting eventually when he got use to it. It was better this way, at least for Sirius. For Remus himself, well...What did it matter? He was a Werewolf. He was cursed to a life of pain and suffering anyway. 

-

"You've got to be kidding me." James said flatly, staring at Sirius as he finished telling him about what had happened the night before. Sirius leaned against the wall of the Quidditch changing room and shrugged his shoulders.

 "I didn't know what else to do, mate." 

"So you snogged _Gilderoy Lockhart_?" James visibly shuddered and gagged. "Merlin, Padfoot! You could have done anything! You should have Snogged...I don't know...Filch's cat or something! Anything would have been better than that twat!" 

 Sirius gave a sick smirk. "Oh? What about Snivellus?" 

James' eyes grew double in size and he pointed his finger shakily at his best friend. "Do not even joke like that, Sirius Black." He sighed and toweled off his snow and ice soaked hair. "You're really going to go through with this, though?" 

 "Moony wants me to date other people. You know how he is, Prongs. He thinks he's not worthy of anyone and that it won't be fair if I'm stuck with him forever or some stupid Brooding-Moony-Bullshit." Both James and Sirius rolled their eyes. "I have to make it look like I'm making an effort and show him that _there is no one else for me_. He's it, Prongs." 

James snorted and shook his head. "Well, I would argue that we haven't even graduated school yet and that there could possibly be someone else out there in the real world...But I honestly can't imagine anyone else putting up with either of you two." He slung his arm over Sirius' shoulders as they headed back towards the castle. "Trust me, Pads. No one thinks the two of you belong together more than I do. Just do me a favor, don't go sucking Lockhart's face within my eyesight, alright?" 

-

 "...Oh you've got to be kidding me..." Both Peter and James groaned as they followed Remus' horrified gaze across the great hall to the Ravenclaw table. Sirius was really laying it on thick, practically in the blonde's lap and glued together at the mouth. 

 "...I may vomit..." Remus muttered, unable to tear his eyes away from the disgusting display. He shoved his breakfast plate away and buried his face in his hands.

"I may join you," James gagged, then he took his fork and stabbed Remus sharply in the arm. "This is all your fault, you know." 

 "Ow!" Remus frowned and rubbed his arm, looking affronted. "Prongs, don't start, alright? You know this is what had to be done and-" 

"Not to alarm anyone," Said Marlene, taking a seat on Remus' left as Dorcas and Lily sat beside her and Mary sat on the other side of James. "But it looks like that git Lockhart slipped a love potion in Sirius' pumpkin juice." She nudged Remus with her elbow. "Are you going to punch that git or should I do it?" 

Remus sighed. "Marlene-" 

 "We could tag team him if you want. C'mon, Lupin. Everyone in the school is just waiting for a reason to beat that creepy smile off his face. This perfect." She stared at the three boys, who all looked awkwardly down at the table and didn't say anything.

"...How are none of you over there hexing that twat into next week?" Dorcas asked worriedly. 

"Sirius is _dating_ him." Remus said through gritted teeth. It was becoming physically painful to say it, and every time he looked at the Ravenclaw table he could see Sirius' best flirting tactics at work. His stomach churned. 

 "...That's disgusting." Marlene muttered, shaking her head. "I think I've lost my appetite...and every ounce of respect I've ever felt for Sirius Black..." 

Lily hummed in agreement "I didn't have much to begin with, but there it goes..." 

Remus groaned and stood up. "I can't watch this anymore. I'll be in the library. I wanted to get some studying done before the apparition test later anyway." " He picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder with one last look at Sirius and Gilderoy before he hurried out of the Great Hall. 

"I don't understand why he doesn't just take Sirius back if it upsets him so much." Said Mary, watching sadly as Remus left. 

 James sighed. "It's...hard to explain." He and Lily exchanged a look and Lily stood.

"I'll talk to him." She said, grabbing her things and taking a bite of toast. She also cast a look at Sirius and Lockhart and shook her head. 

-

Remus was sitting on the floor in the farthest corner of the restricted section of the library. Madam Pince knew him well enough not to question whatever he was doing and usually left him on his own to enjoy the peace and quiet where no other students were allowed to venture. He was far enough from the general area of the library where anyone would be able to see him, and had taken advantage of  that fact by rolling the little bit of pot he had in the bottom of his book bag into a small joint for himself. He cast a spell to keep the scent from traveling and lit the end with his wand. 

"Thought you were studying?" 

 Remus had never jumped so high in his life and began to choke on the smoke in his lungs "Merlin, Lily!" He looked up at the redhead, still coughing and gasping for breath. "Are you trying to kill me?" 

 Lily raised an eyebrow at him. "You sure that's a smart idea before you take your apparition test?" She nodded to the burning joint between his fingers and Remus smiled cryptically at her. 

 "If I'm lucky maybe I'll splinch myself right there in front of everyone." 

Lily sighed and sat down beside him. "That's not funny, Remus." She watched him silently as he took a hit and blew it slowly out, the smoke swirling before them before magically disappearing completely without a trace. "Why are you torturing yourself like this?" 

 "Lily, not you too." Remus groaned, closing his eyes and leaning back against a dusty bookshelf. "You know why-" 

"No, I don't. And I don't think you really do either. I think you believe you're being noble and that you're protecting Sirius from whatever horrible thing you think you are-" 

 Remus laughed. "Lily, I'm a werewolf. I don't _think_ I'm some horrible thing, I _am_ some horrible thing." 

"Remus-" 

 "No, look," Remus pushed himself up onto his feet, holding the joint between his lips, and stepped up to the bookshelf in front of him. His eyes scanned over the battered spines of the ancient books, the tip of his index finger lightly brushing over them until he found the one he was looked for and pulled it out, carefully opening it and letting a cloud of dust escape. "Ah, here we are. ' _Werewolves_ ;  _the most feared predators in Europe_ ,  _goes forth seeking whom it may devour.'_ Lovely." He said grimly, flipping through a few more pages. "And don't forget this little detail: ' _Soulless, inhuman and damned for eternity, once cursed a werewolf's only desire in life is to hunt, kill and create others like itself.'_ " He closed the book and slid it back into it's place. 

 Lily shook her head. "But Remus, that's-" 

But Remus had grabbed another book from the shelf. "' _The werewolf devours each of it's own children, then it's relatives' children in order of relationship, and finally the children of strangers'._ Looks like I can never have children, Lily. Hell, I can't even go near yours if you have them. I might try to _eat_ them." He laughed coldly and slammed that book shut, shoving it roughly back onto the shelf and reaching for another but Lily stood and put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

 "Remus...these books are ancient and outdated. They aren't even factual."

He sighed and looked over his shoulder at her. "It doesn't matter, Lily. That's still how the world views me. I won't find a job once I'm out of school and...let's say Sirius and I did stay together...The ministry would never allow us to adopt children if we wanted to. He deserves that chance, doesn't he?" 

"Does Sirius even want children?" Lily said with a little laugh. "I can't really imagine him with kids."

 "I can." Said Remus softly, a sad smile on his lips. Then he laughed to himself. "I don't think he knows it yet, but I think he will want it one day...and if that day comes, he should be allowed to have it without worrying about the stupid regulations put on his partner." He took one last hit off the tiny butt of his joint and magically made it disappear before rubbing his bloodshot eyes. "The last thing I want to do is bind him to me forever and take that chance from him. He's had enough of his life taken from him by selfish pricks that wanted to force him to live they way they wanted. I won't do that to him as well." 

 "Would you like to know what I think?" Lily asked after a moment.

"Are you going to tell me anyway?" Remus countered with a slight smirk. 

 Lily giggled and nodded. "You bet." She took both of his hands in her own, gently guiding him away from the book shelf and sitting down where they had been before. "I could probably write a book about everything wrong with Sirius Black. He's arrogant and impulsive and conceited and I'm pretty sure nearly everyone in the school could come up with their own good reason to personally hex him, including you and Potter," Remus laughed a little at that and Lily smiled. "But Merlin, does that boy love you. I don't think you need to worry about him wanting anything that you can't give him, because I'm pretty sure you're all he wants. And I think if he ever did decide he wanted children, Godric forbid, he would find a way to make it happen...because Sirius Black does whatever Sirius Black wants, and no one can stop him."  

 Remus laughed tearfully, rubbing his eyes with his shoulder quickly. "Well, you've definitely got a point there..." He bit his lip. "But the whole _mating_ thing-"

Lily let go of him with one hand and held it up to silence him. She opened her book bag and pulled out a book that looked old, but not nearly as old as the ones Remus had been reading. The book fell open to a page that Lily had marked with a spare bit of parchment. "Potter and I have been looking for this for months now. I thought we had looked in every bloody book in the school, but then I found this..." 

Remus frowned at her. "Spending a lot of time with James, are you?" 

Lily looked up at him sharply, a faint pink tinge creeping up her cheeks to her ears. "Well...we've been worried about you, obviously." 

 "Obviously..." Remus muttered, eyeing her suspiciously as she went back to flipping through the book in front of her. 

"Here," She pointed to a passage that had been magically highlighted on the page and pulled Remus closer to look for himself. The page had several charts and graphs including a moon cycle. "You don't _have to_ mate with him if you're not ready." She explained. "See, it's rather like...well, excuse the comparison, but it's similar to women charting ovulation to avoid getting pregnant. There's certain times of the month where you would be urged to mate. It's all to do with the way the phases of the moon effect the wolf part of you. The three days before the full moon and of course the day of are when it's at it's strongest, and that's when you'd be most...er...at risk, I suppose..." She pushed the book towards him a little more and sat back to give him space. "It's amazing what they don't teach in school, eh?"

 Remus nodded, still looking over the charts in the book. It did make him feel a little better, to know he had more control than he thought, but then...

"Sirius wants it." He muttered, rolling his eyes. "Or he thinks he does, anyway...and you know how stubborn he is..."

 Lily frowned. "Do you really believe Sirius would force you to do something you weren't ready for? Has he ever?"

 He hadn't. 

- 

"Mister Black, pay attention please!" Professor McGonagall snapped for the third time in the twenty minutes that all of the sixth year students had been assembled in the great hall. "Apparition is very important and can be very dangerous if done incorrectly. If you and Mister Lockhart can't take it seriously, neither of you will be getting your licenses." 

Sirius pulled away from the other boy's lips with a very loud and wet sounding smack and grinned at his head of house. "Sorry, Professor. I'm paying attention, I promise." 

 McGonagall eyed the two boys with disapproval and mild confusion before glancing across the room to where James, Remus and Peter were sitting. The three Gryffindors just shrugged dismissively, clearly wanting nothing to do with their friend's current behavior. "Right..." Muttered the Deputy Head Mistress, her lips pressed into a thin line. "Well then, Mister Black, would you care to be the first to come up and give it a shot?" 

 Sirius hesitated for a second, his confident air wavering as he looked around at the hundreds of eyes watching him. "Erm...Yeah, sure." He said, his voice jumping an octave higher than usual. He cleared his throat anxiously as he stood and groaned inwardly when he felt Lockhart's hand ghost over his arse. He ignored it and walked to the center of the hall with the professor where two round hoops where placed a few short feet from each other. 

"Alright, Mister Black. Apparate from this hoop to the one there." McGonagall instructed, sounding a little smug as Sirius suddenly felt sweaty and nervous. 

 "Right..." He muttered, stepping into the first hoop. "Easy enough." 

"Glad you think so. Get to it, then." Said Professor Mcgonagall with a smirk. "Just careful not to get yourself lost or splinched of course...And remember the three 'D's...But you were paying attention, so you don't need me to explain that again, do you?" 

 There were some snickers from around the hall and Sirius took a deep breath, trying to zone them out. 

 _Three D's_ He thought, desperately trying to recall what they had been. He had been too busy making sure Remus saw him with his hand practically down Lockhart's pants to listen to what McGonagall and the instructor were saying.  _Destination, Determination...Degradation? Ugh...no that's not apparating, thats just what I'm bloody doing to myself with that twat, Lockhart..._

"Mister Black?" 

 "Yes Professor?" 

"May I ask why you're still standing here beside me and not over in your destination hoop yet?" 

 There was more laughter around the room and Sirius scowled in the direction of Bellatrix and a few Slytherins who were making faces and hand gestures. 

"Destination, Determination and Deliberation, Mister Black." Sighed McGonagall. 

Sirius felt his cheeks go warm with embarrassment. He didn't know what he was so nervous about. He had read his textbooks. For Godric's sake he had mastered becoming an animagi when he was fourteen, apparition couldn't be that difficult.  Focusing on the destination, he squeezed his eyes shut again. He felt the room start to spin and the air felt like it was being sucked out of his lungs, his stomach lurched and he could have sworn his brain had been scrambled and unscrambled all within less than a full second. When he felt solid ground under his feet again his eyes shot open and he stumbled, tripping over his own two feet and falling heavily to the ground. 

He heard Bellatrix cackle loudly and some other students laughed as well.

"Oy! I'll give you something to laugh at, Avery!" He heard James shout as the professors hushed everyone. 

 "That's quite enough," said Mcgonagall sternly. "That's a wonderful start, Mister Black. Success on the first try isn't common and it is difficult to remain balanced. You'll not want to open your eyes so abruptly next time perhaps, it can shock the senses. Now then, everyone come down and find yourself a hoop..."

 There were far more students than there were apparition stations, so they separated into groups. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Lockhart heading towards him, but he pretended not to notice as James, Peter and Remus made their way towards him and he sighed in relief. 

 "Well done, mate." Said James with a grin. "I nearly shoved Avery's wand down his throat for laughing when you fell. I'd like to see him do any better on his first go." 

Sirius forced a laugh, rubbing the back on his neck. "Fuck Avery. Thanks though."

"Are you alright?" Remus asked, his eyes filled with concern as they looked over him. "You seemed really nervous."

 "Yeah, I just...I was distracted." 

"Hmmm..." Remus replied dryly. "I couldn't tell." His face fell suddenly and a glimmer of anger flashed in his eyes as he looked over Sirius' shoulder. 

"Siri!"

James and Peter snorted and Sirius felt his eye twitch. He turned around to see Gilderoy standing with a hand on his hip, looking at him expectantly. 

"Aren't you going to join me?" The blonde smiled charmingly at Sirius, but regarded the other boys with annoyance. 

 "He's already in our group." Said Remus before Sirius had the chance to say anything. "And as you can see, Gilly, our group's full." 

 There was a moment where Remus and Gilderoy seemed to stare each other down. Again, the Ravenclaw flashed his perfect teeth but it didn't reach his eyes. "Right then," He said briskly, finally breaking from Remus' challenging glare to look at Sirius. "We're still on for tonight though, aren't we?" His finger hooked in one of Sirius' belt loops and tugged him closer. 

"Er, yeah...of course." Said Sirius, taking a step backwards. 

"Great. Good luck with your apparition, Siri." 

He spun on his heel and strutted across the hall to a group of Ravenclaws. Sirius held back a shudder and turned back to his friends who were all staring at him with a mix of disgust and amusement. 

"...don't say a fucking word..." Sirius muttered, and they went back to listening to Mcgonagall's instructions. 

 

-

 

Remus was trying as hard as he could to stay focused. This proved to be rather difficult when he his eyes kept finding Lockhart in the crowd and noticing all the flirty and downright lewd looks the blonde was throwing at Sirius. To make matters worse, Sirius was actually returning them. 

"Moony, it's your turn." Said Peter breathlessly as he made his way back to the starting hoop. He had managed to apparate on his third try, but he was looking a little green in the face as he leaned against James for support. 

 "Worm, maybe you should go see Pomfrey," Suggested James, eyeing him warily. "You look like you're going to puke..." 

Remus stepped into the center of the hoop. The buzz of the other students chattering all around him made it hard to put all of his focus on the destination hoop and he tried to tune them out as best as he could, once again hating his heightened sense that made him prone to overstimulation, especially under pressure. One voice carried over all of the others. 

"Well of course it was only a matter of time," He heard Gilderoy saying to anyone who would listen. "After all, there's no one in the school as good looking as myself as Sirius Black, is there?"

 Remus took a deep breath and tried to shake off the anger tightening in his chest. It was just Lockhart, after all. Everyone knew the boy was all talk. 

"I'm only surprised that he stayed with Lupin for so long. Though I suppose it was probably part of the whole 'rebellious' act. It wasn't enough to be gay, he wanted it to be with someone that would really drive his parents mad."

 He squeezed his eyes shut. 

_Picture the destination..._

_"_ It's true what they say about Siri though,"

_Destination. Determination. Deliberation._

 "It didn't take much convincing to get into his pants. Probably desperate for a decent lay after being with Loony Lupin for so long."

Remus felt a growl forming in his throat and he could no longer picture the hoop he was suppose to apparate to. All he could think about was how  _determined_  he was to  _deliberately_  punch Gilderoy Lockhart's face in.

 "Did you know he's got his tongue pierced as well? Let me tell you how good that feels-"

The whole world felt like was spinning, and Remus couldn't hear anything but a loud whooshing sound rushing past his ears. His feet hit the ground and when he opened his eyes, he wasn't standing in his own destination hoop, but right in front of Lockhart. 

"Keep my boyfriend's name, and every other part of him, out of your damn mouth, you obnoxious prick." Remus' voice was deadly low and he towered easily over Lockhart who shrunk away from him. A bunch of students had stopped what they were doing to watch. James, Peter and Sirius were shoving their way through the small crowed that had formed. 

 "Remus!" Professor Mcgonagall called, exasperated as she too made her way over. "You were suppose to apparate only to your designated destination!" 

 The tension in Remus' body slowly released and the fear in Lockhart's eyes faded. 

"Sorry Professor," Remus apologized, turning away from the blonde. "Too much determination I suppose. I got carried away." He started to walk back to his own station and the crowd of students began to disperse.

 "Obviously it'll take some time before he gets over being jealous of Siri and-"

All four of the Marauders would remember it in slow motion for the rest of their lives, but when it actually happened it was all quite fast. Peter claimed that if anyone were to have blinked, they'd have missed the exact moment when Remus swirled back around and his fist collided with Lockhart's jaw.

Lockhart stumbled backwards, holding his face in agony. 

"By the way," Remus added coldly as he rubbed his dully aching knuckles. "He _hates_ being called 'Siri'."

The entire hall gasped in shock. 

 "Bloody hell, Moons!" Said James, beaming with pride. 

"Merlin, Remus!" Peter laughed.

Sirius said nothing, his mouth agape and eyes wide. 

Professor McGonagall and Professor Flitwick were both speaking but Remus only caught a few words like: "Never before!" "And from two Prefects!" "Detention!" "Both of you to the infirmary!" 

-

It was late when Remus returned to the dorm from detention that night. The entire day seemed like a blur now, and even though he had had to write one hundred lines of 'I will night get in fist fights' with painfully bruised knuckles, he couldn't say he regretted it one bit. He was certainly ready to go to sleep and put it all behind him though. 

He pulled back the curtain to his bed and was only a little surprised to see Sirius sitting  up against his headboard. 

"Can we talk?" Asked Sirius, looking at him hopefully. 

"Sirius-"

 "I know you're probably tired. But I...I don't think this can wa-"

Remus smiled and shook his head. "I was just going to tell you to let me change and brush my teeth first." 

"Oh." Said Sirius, looking sheepish. "Er...yeah."

Remus grabbed a pair of pajama pants and a t shirt from his trunk and disappeared into the bathroom. He returned moments later, climbing into bed and closing the curtains around them. He cast a silencing charm around the bed and stuffed his wand under his pillow. 

 "Remus, I'm s-"

Remus held up a hand to stop him. "No...Sirius, you have nothing to be sorry for. This was all my fault. I hurt you and I panicked and tried to push you away and...that just hurt you even more..." He sighed and looked down at his lap. "We should have tried to figure it out together, as...as a couple. This wasn't just my problem, it was ours and you tried to tell me that and I didn't listen. I am so sorry, Padfoot. If I hadn't been so busy pitying myself and convincing myself that I was meant to be alone forever, this never would have gotten so out of hand. Can you forgive me?" He glanced up, meeting Sirius' eyes pleadingly. 

Sirius was quiet for a moment, studying Remus' face thoughtfully. One of his hands reached up to gently cup Remus' cheek and he leaned in, brushing their lips together in a chaste kiss that gave Remus chills through his whole body. 

 "Of course I forgive you, idiot." Sirius laughed, resting his forehead against the other boy's. "I love you. Everything about you, Remus...even the parts of you that you think aren't worthy of anyone's love - especially those parts. You are so certain that my life would be ruined if I were bound to you forever but I can't imagine a life where I'm not yours." 

 Remus' breath caught in his throat as Sirius' lips pressed against his again. He wound his arms around his neck, parting his lips to allow Sirius to deepen the kiss with a soft moan.

Remus laid back against the pillows, bringing Sirius on top of him as their mouths moved slowly against each other. Sirius rolled his hips down, drawing a sharp gasp from the werewolf, who arched up to meet him. Sirius took it to his advantage, hooking his fingers in the waist of Remus' pajama bottoms and tugging them and his boxers down and letting Remus kick them off the rest of the way before he wiggled himself out of his own. 

 Sirius was already shirtless, but they broke their kiss to sit up so that he could pull Remus' t shirt over his head.

 Both naked, they paused for a moment to take in the sight of each other. Remus' fingers brushed over the scar on Sirius' throat and he flinched slightly. 

 "Sirius, I-"

Sirius' hand closed carefully around Remus' wrist. "Don't. I want this, Remus. I want you." 

Remus shook his head. "I...I know you do. I want it too, but...just....not yet?" 

Their eyes met for a brief moment and Sirius smiled. "Whenever you're ready, Moony." He kissed him again, slowly pushing him onto his back again. "As far as I'm concerned, we're soulmates. Anything else can wait." 

"Sirius Black is actually going to _wait_ for something?" Remus said with a laugh that quickly turned into a breathy moan as Sirius' hand slid between their bodies to wrap around Remus' growing erection. 

Sirius chuckled, moving to plant wet, open mouthed kisses down Remus' neck. "I have until forever, don't I?" 

Remus only whimpered in return as Sirius' fingers dipped lower between his legs, which he eagerly spread wider and he gasped in surprise when he felt himself suddenly become slick. "What the-?"

Sirius grinned. "By the way, I learned how to do a wandless lubrication spell." 

Remus rolled his eyes. "Of course that's the first thing you'd learn the moment you could legally practice magic outside of schoo- _ohhh_!" He hissed as Sirius nipped sharply at one of his nipples while the two fingers inside of him expertly found his prostate. 

"Mmmmm...is that a complaint, Moony?" Sirius teased, moving his hand tortuously slow. 

Remus quickly shook his head. "Not at all...it's fucking brilliant...you're brilliant..." he pushed his hips back against Sirius hand and moaned. "...mmmm and you're mine..."

 Sirius moaned in return, slipping his fingers out and moving back up Remus' body to kiss his lips again. "All yours, Remus. I love you." 

"I love you too..." 

 With one steady thrust of his hips, Sirius was fully inside him and then they were both completely still, breathing heavily. 

 They locked eyes again. Remus gave a small nod and Sirius began to slowly rock in and out. 

It felt different. Usually they were fast and rough, desperate to get each other off as they rutted against each other, biting and kissing and groping like they hormonal teenagers they were. 

This was different. They were completely in sync with each other, slowly drawing out every move and feeling all the nerves in their bodies respond. 

Remus' nails raked down Sirius' back before his arms wound around him, trying to pull him closer if it were even possible. They kissed deep and slow, their tongues tangling together almost lazily and Sirius' hand found its way back between their sweat slicked bodies to stroke and pump to the same rhythm as his thrusts. 

"Ah..." Remus gasped, feeling his body tighten and pulling a low groan from Sirius. "I...I'm going to..."

"Me too..." Sirius breathed against his lips. "Together?" 

 Remus nodded. "Y-yes... _ah_...now!" 

They both came at once, softly gasping each other's names and clinging to one another. 

Sirius collapsed on Remus' chest as they both tried to catch their breath. 

They both lay completely still, spent and content in each other's arms. Remus' fingers gently stroked through Sirius' hair and pressed a kiss to the top of his head with a thoughtful hum. 

 Sirius smiled tiredly up at him. "What?" 

"Well...I must say I'm a little disappointed. I heard you had gotten your tongue pierced. I was quite looking forward to experiencing that." 

 Sirius let out a bark of laughter. "Where on earth did you hear that?"

 "Lockhart." Remus smirked.  

"Oh? Is that why you punched him?" Asked Sirius, taking Remus' hand and kissing his bruised knuckles. 

  "I punched him because someone had to." Said Remus, rolling his eyes. 

 Sirius nodded. "I'm glad it was you that did it."

 "Why?" 

  "Because it was fucking hot." Sirius nuzzled against his neck. "Made me want to throw you down and snog you right there." 

 "Mmm, well that would have been one way to get back together..."

  "I liked this way better." 

 "Me too, Padfoot."


	66. Family Ties - Year Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the one year anniversary of this fic!!! Thank you everyone who made this what it is today! I could have never gotten this far without your love and support!!

" _Sirius_! Sirius, wake up!"  

Sirius frowned, curling up into a tighter ball against the curve of Remus' body behind him. He most certainly would not wake up...

 "Sirius, mate, I need to talk to you." James hissed urgently from the other side of the curtain.  

 Sirius groaned and opened his eyes. It was still dark. "Prongs, go to sleep. You can tell me 'bout your new quidditch strategy at breakfast, alright?"

 "It's not about Quidditch, idiot. Get up, it's important!" 

 Sirius looked longingly over his shoulder at his still sleeping boyfriend. Remus mumbled something unintelligible and the arm he had draped over Sirius' waist tightened. Sirius whined softly in annoyance, he was far too comfortable all wrapped up in Moony-limbs to worry about whatever James just had to tell him at fuck-it-all in the morning. 

 " _Sirius, please!_ "

With an aggravated sigh, he caved in and carefully removed himself from Remus' grasp. He grabbed the pair of boxers that Remus had practically ripped off of him and haphazardly tossed aside during their earlier activities and slid them on. 

 "S'rius?" Remus' half asleep voice mumbled. "Where y'going?" 

 "Prongs is having some sort of mid morning crisis, Moons." He looked over to see one of Remus' bright eyes peeked open just slightly. "Go back to sleep, love."

"No, wait!" Before either of them could say or do anything, James ripped open the bed curtain and crawled right in. "If you're both up I need both of you!" 

 Sirius stared at him in confusion. "Alright, is someone dying or something? What's this important?"

 "If no ones dead yet, someone's going to be..." Remus muttered, pulling the covers tightly around himself and turning back onto his side, his slightly yellow tinged eyes glaring at James. 

 James sighed and reached into the pocket of his Gryffindor Quidditch sweatshirt, chucking a piece of Honeydukes' Best Chocolate at Remus, who flinched when it hit him right in the center of his forehead. 

 "Arsehole..." Remus mumbled. Regardless, he sat up and started unwrapping the chocolate. "Fine, we're up. What d'you want?" 

James waited while Sirius crawled back up the bed and made himself comfortable in Remus' lap, yawning and resting his head on the werewolf's shoulder. Sirius gave James a lazy wave to continue and James heaved a sigh. 

 "I can't have sex." 

Remus stopped chewing the mouthful of chocolate he had just bitten off and blinked his large, glowing eyes at his friend. Sirius snorted loudly and hid his face in Remus' chest. Remus gave Sirius a light smack in the head as James glared at his best friend. 

"It's not funny, Black!"

 "What the bloody hell do you mean you _can't have sex_?" Laughed Sirius. "It's not bloody hard, mate! You ju-" 

 "That's..." James muttered, messing with his hair anxiously. "That's the problem."  

 Sirius frowned. "What's the problem? What's so hard abo-" 

 "Sirius," Remus interjected calmly, his eyes still on James' humiliated face. "The problem is how  _hard_  it is." He emphasized pointedly. "Or rather, I suspect, how hard it isn't?" 

"Oh..." Sirius breathed as realization struck and he glanced down at his friend's lap and back up at his face. "Little Jim doesn't want to play with Mary's Little Lamb, then?"  

Remus rolled his eyes and elbowed Sirius sharply in the ribs. "Oh honestly, Padfoot..." He shook his head before turning his attention back to James. "Maybe you were just nervous, Prongs. Next time might be easier, The first time could be a little-"

 "This...this wasn't the first time we tried." James admit quietly, playing with the sleeve of his sweatshirt and avoiding his friends' eyes. "We've tried a couple of times and...well, snogging Mary is fun and she lets me under her shirt and all...and it's all well and good until we're starkers and she's lying there waiting and I just... _can't_." He groaned and took off his glasses to rub his eyes. 

 The curtains rustled around them and suddenly Peter's head popped in. "Oy, are we having a meeting? Why didn't anyone wake me?" 

 "It's not a meeting." James said firmly. "Everything is fi-" 

"Prongs can't get it up for Mary." Said Sirius, earning a smack from both James and Remus. "What! He can't!" 

Peter chuckled and squeezed himself between James and Remus. "You're having trouble buggering your girl so you went to your gay mates for help?" 

 "I'm panicking so I went to my best friend and now the whole bloody dorm is in on my problems." James growled in annoyance. 

 "Not the  _whole_  dorm," said Peter. "Frank's still sleeping." 

 "He's a bloody heavy sleeper, isn't he?" Said Sirius with a slight tone of awe. "Sleeps through nearly all of our shit...bloke deserves a metal for that." 

Remus and Peter nodded in agreement and James made a frustrated noise. He pulled his wand out and set a silencing charm on the bed. 

 "Hello! Having a problem here!" He stuffed his wand back in his pocket. "It's embarrassing and...and I think it's starting to upset Mary a bit. She thinks I'm not attracted to her because-" 

 " _Fuuuuuuuck_ , Prongs not you as well!" Peter practically whined. "I mean, these two are enough, but I can't be the only straight bloke-" 

James shoved Peter roughly. " _Lily_! Because she thinks I'm still on about Lily, so I don't want her! Bloody hell you lot are annoying!" 

Sirius, Remus and Peter all sat quiet for a moment as they mulled over what James had said. 

"Well," Said Remus thoughtfully after a while. "Are you?" 

 Again there was silence. James seemed to struggle with his answer, bringing his knees up to his chest and tugging his his hair. 

 "I've given up on Evans." He said finally, though not at all convincingly. "We're friends now, and I don't want to ruin that." 

"That doesn't really answer the question, though." Said Peter. "It's fine you've made the choice to not pursue Lily anymore, but that doesn't mean you're  _over_  her." 

 "Exactly," Remus added, taking another bite of chocolate before Sirius managed to steal it from him. "It may not be that you  _can't_  have sex. You just don't  _want_  to. Not with Mary, at least."

James gaped at the others in disbelief. "But..." He sighed. "I like Mary! She's attractive and she's nice and she laughs at our pranks instead of telling us to grow up! Why wouldn't I want to?" Then he pointed to Sirius. "What about Padfoot!"

 Sirius frowned. "Er...what about me?"

"In fourth year when you were pining over Remus, you had no problem sleeping with every other bent bloke in school!"

"That's different," Sirius shrugged.

" _How_?"

 "Sirius is a slut." Remus supplied flatly, ignoring the mock hurt expression on his boyfriend's face. "He snogged  _Lockhart_ , for Merlin's sake. Don't compare yourself to him.  It's not a bad thing that you don't want to sleep with a girl you don't have feelings for-" 

 "Of course I have feelings for Mary. Mary is-"

"'A very nice girl, quite attractive, lovely legs and breasts' and all that, I'm sure." Sirius waved dismissively. "But you aren't in love with the girl, mate. And I guess you're one of those types where that matters more." 

James chewed at his bottom lip, looking around at his friends. "So what should I do?" 

 All three of the other boys shrugged. 

"That's on you, mate." Sirius sighed. "You can keep trying and hope that you eventually do want Mary, because she is a pretty great bird, or you can break it off and...I don't know...wait to see what happens, I guess..."

-

 Breakfast was a little awkward that morning. Mostly it was because James and Mary were acting as if there was nothing wrong. In fact, they seemed more like a couple than they ever had before. They sat very close together, feeding each other of their own plates and laughing over things the others couldn't hear.

 "I guess he's decided to just keep trying..." Sirius muttered to Peter and Remus, who both shrugged and went about making their own plates. 

 The mail owls flew in overhead, dropping parcels and envelopes here and there. James finally pulled his attention away from Mary to receive his weekly letter from his mother from the family owl. 

 "Pads, would you stop writing to mum more than me? She's getting on my bloody case." 

Sirius grinned. "It's not my fault she loves me more." 

"You're a kiss arse." James accused, shaking his head and folding the letter back up.

"It's not arse kissing, it's gratitude." Sirius argued around a mouth full of toast. "And I'm just naturally more lovable." 

 "Shite." Muttered Marlene, who was hidden behind a copy of The Daily Prophet. "Merlin, there's been more disappearances!" 

James and Sirius stopped their banter immediately and everyone else paused what they were doing to listen. 

 "...What's happened?" Asked Lily, sounding anxious as her eyes drifted across the great hall to the Slytherin table where Snape and a few others were also huddled around a copy of the paper. 

 Marlene hesitated, looking at Lily nervously. "Well, it's...they can't quite say for sure..."

"Here," Said James, reaching across the table and taking the paper from Marlene. "'A sudden rise in Muggles gone missing from their homes around Great Britain could be linked to the radical wizarding group calling themselves 'The Death Eaters'' - Merlin, you'd think they'd come up with a more clever name, wouldn't you?" 

 Lily licked her lips. "Is there more?" 

James nodded and adjusted his glasses. "Er...'The Death Eaters are followers of the man calling himself The Dark Lord Voldemort, who believes that Muggles and those born to non magical families are tainting the Wizarding world, and wishes to cleanse the bloodlines of Wizarding families once more.' Impossible, what are we meant to do? Just keep marrying each other?"

Sirius shrugged. "Works in my family." 

James continued to read. "'In the last week, there have been several new reports of missing Muggles, as well as sightings of an eerie, skull shaped cloud that appears within miles of where said muggles lived.'" He put the paper down. "There isn't much as far as details, just more about what this nutter Voldemort thinks he'll be able to accomplish." He rolled his eyes. 

 "If he gathers enough followers, why not?" Said Mary quietly.

 James shook his head. "Nah. There aren't enough idiots who will blindly follow some jackass on his mission to wipe out an entire race of people...basically just the Blacks and The Malfoys, right Sirius?" 

"And the Averys, and the Notts, and the Carrows..." Sirius muttered, ticking off his father's friends in his head. James kicked him under the table and jerked his head toward Lily and Mary who were both looking quite shaken. Sirius cleared his throat. "Er...but there's plenty more families out there that don't think that way, yeah?" 

"It doesn't matter." Said Remus darkly. "If this man knows how to frighten people into joining up, you'd be surprised how quickly he gains followers...it sounds like some sort of Wizard Holocaust."

 "A what?" Asked Sirius. 

"This muggle man back in the 1940's, Hitler, he tried to create this superior race by killing millions and millions of people. It all started a lot like this, actually."

 "That...that couldn't happen in the Wizarding World, right?" Said Mary, looking at James for confirmation. 

James and Sirius exchanged a look. James turned back to Mary, trying to come up with something comforting to say, when they were interrupted. 

"Mr. Black," said Professor Mcgonagall, who had appeared behind them. "Professor Dumbledore would like to see you in his office immediately." 

James, Remus and Peter all turned to look at him in surprise and he shrugged before facing the deputy Headmistress, flashing a charming grin. 

 "Whatever it is, I can honestly say this time, I didn't do it." 

Mcgonagall pursed her lips and sighed. "Somehow, Sirius, when you say those words, I am less than comforted. Regardless, the headmaster does need to see you and it's quite important." 

 He stood slowly, picking up his bag and giving his friends a confused look. "Er...I'll see you in Defense, then?" 

The others nodded and watched as he followed Mcgonagall out of the hall. 

Sirius was silent as he walked through the empty corridors. The only sound was the echoing  _click click click_  of Mcgonagall's heels on the stone floor. He takes his brain, trying to figure out what he had done lately to warrant a trip to the Headmaster's office. He and James had already served their detentions for charming Flitwick's grading quills to give all of the Slytherins failing marks on their exams the week before, and both he and Remus had gotten lectured on how a Prefect's ability to enter the teacher's lounge did not mean they were permitted to use it as a place to make out after curfew.

 "Professor," Sirius spoke up finally as they approached the statue of a Griffin that sealed the entrance to Dumbledore's office. "I know I've said this a million times over the last six years, but I honestly didn't do whatever it is I'm in trouble for." 

 "You know, Sirius," The older witch didn't look at him as she spoke. "No one ever said anything about you being in any sort of trouble. But if you've got a guilty conscience that you'd like to save me the time of figuring out and confess to..." She gave him a sideways glance and he put his hands up innocently. She smiled wryly and stopped in front of the Griffin. " _Widdershins"_

The statue began to turn, revealing a spiraled staircase that Sirius followed Mcgonagall up. He had been in the Headmaster's office countless times before for pranks and fights he had gotten himself into. He was always fascinated by all of the books and artifacts that old wizard had around, especially the pensive in the far corner of the room. It was the only one Sirius had ever seen in person, though he was pretty sure his great grandfather had one that was hidden somewhere in his Aunt and Uncle's attic. His least favorite thing in the office was the portrait of his great uncle Phineas, who always had something negative to say. 

This time, however, Phineas didn't say anything as Sirius passed by his portrait. He just stared down at him with an unreadable expression that actually made Sirius even more uncomfortable and he had to look away. He wished he hadn't, because sitting at Dumbledore's desk were two people he really was not prepared to face, and they weren't trapped in a portrait on the wall. 

 Bellatrix and Regulus both looked at him with disdain as he sat in the unoccupied chair across from the Headmaster. Sirius felt his stomach drop and he tried his best not to let it show that his hands were trembling slightly. He felt cold and sweaty at the same time as his cousin's sharp grey eyes glared at him. 

 "Ah, Sirius," Said Dumbledore, smiling despite the looming, dreadful vibe that seemed to fill the room. "Good, now that we have all three of you present, we can get this over with. I'm sorry to have pulled you away from breakfast. It is, of course, the most important meal of the day, so please feel free to some biscuits," he motioned with his hand to the plate of biscuits on his desk, which Bellatrix turned her pointed nose up to, Regulus simply dropped his gaze to his lap and Sirius mumbled a quiet "No thank you, Sir." 

"Very well," Said Dumbledore, folding his long hands on top on the desk and peering over his half-moon glasses at the three students before him. "I'm afraid I've called you all here with some bad tidings,"

For the first time in possibly over a year, Sirius and Regulus made eye contact around their cousin, who was seated between them with her arms folded, completely stone faced. Regulus gave a small shrug and they both looked back to the older Wizard.

 "It seems that your Great Uncle Alphard has passed."

Again, Bellatrix made hardly any reaction. Regulus shifted uncomfortably in his seat and took a sharp intake of breath. Sirius' mouth fell open slightly. 

 "O-oh..." He said softly, staring ahead at the Headmaster. Something in his chest tightened, a feeling he didn't think he was capable of having for any family member. But Alphard had always been kind to him when he was young, often scolding his parents for their unfair treatment and expectations of him. It saddened Sirius to know the man was gone. "Er...h-how did he-?"

Dumbledore smiled sadly and shook his head. "Alphard was an old man who lived a full life, Sirius. His death was timely and natural. All affairs were in order and he was prepared for it." With that, his long fingers began to sift through some of the papers on his desk. "And on that note, we do have some legal matters to take care of. Of course most of it is being dealt with by your family, but I do have to discuss some of Alphard's last wishes for his estates, which does include his great nieces and nephews." 

 At this, Bellatrix finally stirred. Her eyes grew nearly twice in size and she leaned forward, her lips twitching up into a greedy smile that made Sirius want to kick her. 

"Ah, here we are," Said Dumbledore as he found the long scroll of parchment that must have been Alphard Black's last Will and Testament. "Let's see then..." his crystal blue eyes scanned the document as he quietly muttered to himself. Sirius caught a few of his family members' names and some other words about valuables. "Ah, here we are... to my nephew Regulus, who was always fascinated by my extensive collection of armory and weaponry, I leave my most prized silver dagger. I hope he uses it well if the time were to come, with such dark times ahead." 

Regulus' eyes widened in awe, a look that made him seem five years younger and far more innocent, like the boy Sirius remembered playing hide and seek with around Grimmuald Place. Regulus had always loved their uncle's collection of swords and knives, often begging the old man to tell him stories of how he had acquired them and who they had been used to fight. The dagger in question had always been a favorite of Regulus'. It was Goblin Made, silver and ornate, with carefully etched designs through it and emeralds along the handle. According to their uncle's stories, it had been used by Merlin himself in assistance to the great King Arthur.  Alphard told them that story nearly every time they visited, always ending in the two brothers heading out to the gardens and finding sticks to sword fight with. Sirius always let Regulus be Merlin in those games. He couldn't help but smile at that memory as he watched Regulus' momentary excitement. Perhaps his brother wasn't as far gone as he thought...he was still there, somewhere. 

 "To my niece, Bellatrix," Bella leaned in further, nearly on the edge of her seat and jittering with anticipation. Uncle Alphard, like the rest of their family, was a wealthy man with many rare and expensive items and no wife or children of his own to hand them down to. One could only imagine what he would leave to Bellatrix. "I leave my collection of commemorative tea cups," His cousin's face immediately fell and a strangled whine escaped from her throat as one of her eyes twitched and her long nails scraped the chair beneath her. "Used in such royal ceremonies such as coronations and weddings by the Queen of England herself. Bellatrix has always fancied herself Royal-"

 "A royal pain in the arse..." mumbled Sirius.

"And it is my hope that these will suit her well." 

Between Sirius and Regulus, Bellatrix was visibly shaking with anger and muttering things like "Old codger." "Filthy muggle items." "No respect." 

 "And finally, to my eldest nephew, Sirius Orion Black III," continued Dumbledore, clearly ignoring Bellatrix's minor seizure she was having. I leave the remains of my Gringotts account, a lump sum of103955 Galleons 6 Sickles 11 Knuts."

Sirius nearly choked on air, Bellatrix screeched and Regulus gasped. 

 " _What_!" All three of them gaped at the Headmaster, who's twinkling blue eyes were rested happily on Sirius. 

"He left all of that money," snarled Bellatrix, now getting to her feet. "Money that belongs in  _our_  family, to  _him_!" She pointed a long, shaking finger at Sirius, who was in far too much shock to move. 

 "That is, indeed, what is written in the will, Miss Black." Said Dumbledore calmly, still smiling in a way that Sirius knew was driving his cousin mad. "Now then, I'm sure you would all like some time to grieve the passing of your late uncle. You are of course excused from classes today if you so wish." He dismissed the three of them. 

Bellatrix let out a ringing cry of anguish as she spun on her heel and stormed out of the office. Regulus and Sirius stood still for a few seconds, looking at each other. 

There was something Sirius wanted to say, but he wasn't quite sure what it was, and he had the distinct feeling that Regulus was suffering the same struggle. They both slowly made their way out of the office into the corridor.

 The awkward silence between them becoming quite painful, Sirius cleared his throat. "Merlin's dagger, eh?"

Regulus laughed softly and nodded, his eyes firmly on the floor. 

 Smirking a little, Sirius reached into his back pocket and whipped his wand out like a sword. "Ah, but your dagger is nothing against the great Excalibur!"

 There was a moment of hesitation where Sirius' heartbeat was the only thing he could hear as he waited for his brother's reaction. He was about to give up when he saw the faintest smile tug at Regulus' lips. The younger boy wielded his own wand, pointing it at his older brother. 

 "Excalibur belongs in the hands of King Arthur, you rogue! And I will not give up until I have returned it to him!"

 Their wands hit against each other in a mock sword fight, both boys laughing so hard their cheeks were red. Sirius lunged forward, jabbing his wand and accidentally prodding his brother's forearm.

 " _Ah_!" Regulus hissed and stumbled back, dropping his wand and grabbing his arm as if something had actually burned him. 

 Sirius frowned. "Regulus? A-are you-?" 

"I'm fine." Regulus muttered. He shook himself slightly, picked up his wand and straightened up, brushing himself off. When he looked back at Sirius, the fun and youthfulness was gone, leaving nothing but an icy glare that matched their cousin's. "I'm fine." He repeated, his voice more stern, and he started to walk away. 

 Sirius stared after him, confused. "Reg! Regulus, wait!" He ran ahead to catch up and tried to grab his brother's wrist, but Regulus yanked away. "Regulus, what is going on with you? You're hanging around Mulciber and Bella and  _Snape_ of all people. You haven't spoken to me since-"

"And why should I?" Snapped Regulus, coldly.

 "I'm your brother!" 

"Your  _Potter's_  brother." Regulus spat, shaking his head. "You left, Sirius. You betrayed your whole family. Bellatrix is right, that money Uncle Alphard left belongs in the family, not with some filthy blood traitor like you." Without another word, Regulus sped off towards the dungeon, leaving Sirius alone, confused, and hurt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The money Alphard leaves Sirius is equal to $500,000 in american dollars and 408,213.26 in pounds.


	67. We Have No Choice - Year 6

Regulus stormed into the Slytherin common room, angrier than any of his classmates had ever seen the usually calm and collect young man. He had slammed the common room door shut behind him, shaking some of the portraits on the wall and causing several of them to scoff in disapproval. As he passed the fireplace, the nearly burnt out embers flared up into powerful flames. With an aggravated growl, he threw himself into the empty armchair.

 "Quite the temper, Black." Said Rudolphus mildly, not looking up from a copy of The Daily Prophet. "One might think you were beginning to take after your pathetic brother."

"Fuck off, Lestrange." Regulus uttered, his eyes on the fire before him. "Go busy yourself with Bellatrix. I haven't the time nor the desire to deal with you."

 "Your darling cousin has decided to take her grievances out on some breakables in the kitchens. She said something about smashing tea cups." The seventh year boy flipped the page with an absent sigh. "I do hope she doesn't frighten the house elves too horribly again." He glanced up at last to look at Regulus. "So what about you? Are you also just _seething_ with anger over some petty inheritance?"

Regulus snorted and rolled his eyes. "I haven't the need. With Sirius out of the way, I'm the heir to the family. I couldn't care less what Alphard left me." It was partially a lie. He cared very much about what his uncle had left to him, and he was actually quite pleased with it and the nostalgia is held for him. The days of playing Merlin with his brother in his Great Uncle's gardens were a much simpler time that now seemed like a completely different life.

 For a split second in the corridor, Regulus had gotten the chance to glimpse back at that life and he felt that spark of connection that use to be so strong between himself and Sirius. That spark was immediately extinguished at the literally painful reminder that they were now on opposing sides of the Wizarding World.

 Rolling up his sleeve, Regulus looked at the still aching mark on his flesh with uncertainty. Still just shy of sixteen years old, he was the youngest yet to receive the eerie looking symbol of a skull with a snake protruding through the mouth. The 'Dark Mark', as it was called within the inner circle, was meant to identify him as a follower of Lord Voldemort, and also a way for The Dark Lord himself to communicate with them. It hadn't necessarily been his choice. In fact, when his parents announced their desire for him to join up along side his cousins, even his Aunt Druella and Uncle Cygnus had expressed their concern for him being so young.

 His parents made their reasoning impossibly clear. They would not risk having another embarrassment to the family, and if Regulus joined ranks with the Dark Lord, it was not only ensure his loyalty to their beliefs, but it would also put the family name in good standing once the Dark Lord gained full power. To Regulus, it was as if they had put a collar and leash on him so he couldn't get away, even if he wanted to.

 He had always considered himself neutral when it came to politics. He was, after all, only fifteen. While he never fully agreed with the values his family held so dear, he wasn't exactly the careless rebel, bent on being seen and heard, like his brother. He supposed, however, that if Lord Voldemort was going to be the one to ensure safety and security for himself and his family, it was worth masking his own undetermined feelings.

-

 When Sirius didn't show up for Defense Against The Dark Arts, the others figured whatever meeting he had had in Dumbledore's office was just taking a long time.

 "Are you sure he didn't mention hexing any Slytherins or switching Slughorn's potions ingredients with kitchen spices again?" Remus asked James as they both kept periodically checking the clock on the wall and the door to the classroom, waiting for Sirius to come in any second.

 James shrugged. "Not to me."

It wasn't until Sirius also missed Charms and Herbology that they really started to worry.

Ducking behind the greenhouse, Peter pulled out the map. " _I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good_."

The three boys looked over the map, searching for Sirius' name in any of the Professor's offices where he might be getting continued lectures on behavior or serving some form of full day detention.

"There!" Said Remus, pointing to Sirius' dot in the dorm and feeling suddenly concerned "I wonder why he went back to the dorm..."

James reached into his back pocket for his two way mirror. "Padfoot?" There was no response and Remus grabbed the mirror from James. Something didn't feel right.

"Pads? Sirius, are you there?"

Nothing.

"Maybe he's asleep." Peter suggested, looking from Remus to James, all three of them feeling suspiciously anxious. It wasn't like Sirius to just duck out of class without one of them to partake in something more amusing. For him to simply be in the dorm room on his own was very strange, and especially not to answer his two way mirror.

 "Potions next," James sighed. "Do we skip it and go check on him?"

 "You two go," Said Peter suddenly, making Remus and James turn to look at him questioningly. "It'll look odd if we all no-show. Moon's in less than a week, I'll tell Sluggy that Remus was feeling ill and You had to bring you to the infirmary."

 James nodded and patted Peter's back. "Good man, Wormy. Good thinking."

Peter beamed with pride as he always did when the others told him he had done something helpful.

Remus sighed and gave Peter an apologetic look. "Hey Pete, you wouldn't mind-?"

"I'll take notes for you, Moony. Don't worry, just make sure Padfoot's alright."

Remus visibly relaxed and smiled at the smaller boy. "You're the best, mate. Thank you."

 "Here," said James, handing his mirror to Peter. "In case there's something really wrong and we need to tell you."

Peter stuffed the mirror into his pocket and handed James the map so they could dodge any Professors on the way back to the dorm. When the bell for class rang, Peter headed towards the dungeons for Potions with a quick word of well wishes to be passed on to Sirius, and James and Remus went off in the opposite direction to Gryffindor Tower.

-

Sirius had wrapped himself up in the blankets on Remus' bed, his face buried in the pillows, trying to put all thoughts of his little brother out of his mind.

 There was a moment there, and Sirius knew deep down that Regulus felt it too, where the years had melted away and they were them again. Brothers. It was a fleeting moment, though. Gone as quickly as it had come. They certainly weren't brothers anymore. In fact, they felt more like strangers.

_You don't need him._ Sirius thought to himself, his eyes stinging with tears he fought to prevent from falling. _Regulus was right about one thing, James is my brother. I have a family._

He couldn't help but let his mind wander to what he and James had overheard over the holidays about this Dark Lord and what he and his followers were doing to the pureblood families that refused to join up. He felt his body shiver involuntarily and pulled his blanket cocoon tighter around himself. He knew for a fact that Narcissa and her fiancé Lucius Malfoy had already pledged their loyalties to the man, he had heard Bellatrix talking about it over a year ago. He was sure Bellatrix would be jumping on the opportunity as soon as it arose, if it hadn't already...

 He wondered how long it would take before these so called Death Eaters propositioned Regulus. Regulus, so young and so naive and weak to the demands of Mummy and Daddy, would go without a second thought just as he was told. Their parents would be so proud, of course.

Sirius groaned, feeling his stomach churn at the thought. Maybe he could go to Pomfrey and ask for a sleeping draught. He could use a minor coma...

So lost in the fog of his own mind, he didn't hear the door to the dorm room creak slowly open and click shut. Nor did he hear the two pairs of feet walking across the room. So he was quite startled to hear the concerned voice of James cautiously calling out:

"Padfoot?"

He considered not answering, let James think he was sleeping so he could continue to wallow in his own misery.

"We know you're in here, mate." James went on.

"He must be sleeping." Said Remus' voice, sounding anxious. Sirius squeezed his eyes shut as the curtains of the bed were carefully pulled back and the mattress dipped under the weight of Remus sitting on the edge.

"Pads?" Remus asked softly, one of his hands resting on the lump of blankets that hid his boyfriend from sight. Sighing heavily, Sirius began to stir. He wiggled his head out from the blankets, shaking his now staticky and mussed hair out of his face which made Remus smile softly in amusement before returning to his previously worried expression.

 "What the hell happened?" James asked as he too sat on the bed. "What kind of trouble could you have-"

"I'm not in any trouble." Sirius muttered, shaking his head and keeping his eyes downcast. "My great uncle died." He sniffed and rubbed his red nose on the blanket.

"O-oh..." James and Remus exchanged glances, clearly unsure of how to react seeing as Sirius wasn't at all a fan of most of his family. Sirius bit his lip, forcing himself to continue. "He was my favorite uncle. He was really good to me...he..." Then it hit him, he had been so wrapped up in Regulus that he had almost completely forgotten and he felt his chest swell as he said it out loud for the first time. "He left me a bloody fortune in his will..."

Both James and Remus' eyes grew wide and their jaws dropped a little. "104,000 galleons, about..." Sirius barely breathed out the words in awe.

" _What_!"

Sirius nodded, running a hand through his hair and struggling when he hit a few knots. He pulled his legs in closer to himself. "Bellatrix and Regulus weren't happy about that. They said that money belonged in the family and not with a blood traitor like me."

Remus crawled to the other side of the mattress to sit behind Sirius, pulling him to sit in his lap and he began to gently run his fingers through the dark locks, detangling and smoothing it out. It was very comforting.

James shook his head with a frown. "Don't let them get to you, Sirius. You deserve it. Clearly your uncle thought you were the best option, that's all that matters."

Sirius' whole body began to relax as Remus started twisting his hair into a tight braid.

"Yeah, I know." He sighed. "I just...There was this split second with Regulus..." He explained what had happened in the corridor after the meeting with Dumbledore, and how Regulus had behaved as if Sirius had burned him suddenly.

"I'm so sorry, love." Said Remus, kissing the nape of his neck before securing the braid with a black hair tie from Sirius' wrist. Sirius shook his head. "It's fine. I...I don't want to think about it anymore, alright?"

"Of course." Remus complied.

"What can we do to get your mind off of it?" Asked James. Sirius was quiet as he mulled over a few options. Things like flooding the dungeons with tea to piss of Bellatrix even more, or hexing Mulciber to sing God Save The Queen every time he tries to use the word 'mudblood' crossed his mind. Somehow they didn't seem very satisfying.

"Want to get drunk at the Three Broomsticks?" He said finally.

James grinned. "Sounds perfect. Your treat, I guess? With all that money you've no idea what to do with."

 Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes, but he nodded. "Yeah, my treat." He kicked the blankets off and kissed Remus' cheek before extracting himself from the boy's lap. Remus smiled at him, but it didn't reach his eyes, which were still filled with concern. "Are you going to be alright, Padfoot?" Sirius nodded. "Of course. We'll all be alright. We've got no choice, do we?"

- 

"Alright then, you lot, settle down!" Rosemerta yelled over the noisy chatter of the eight young Gryffindor students that were seated in the corner booth of The Three Broomsticks. "That's five bottles of firewhiskey," She placed the bottles in front of Sirius, James, Remus, Marlene and Peter. "And three glasses of mead," went to Lily, Dorcas and Mary. "Anything else?" 

 Sirius grinned up at the older witch with a flirty wink. "What else are you offering, Rosemerta?" 

"Wouldn't you like to know, Black." The barmaid smiled wickedly at him before she left to wait on her other patrons. Under the table, Remus' hand gently squeezed Sirius' thigh in a discreetly possessive manner that made Sirius' cheeks grow warm. 

 Clearing his throat to distract himself from his boyfriend's now wandering hand, Sirius raised his bottle of firewhiskey. "To my late uncle Alphard. Without whom, all of you would be getting drunk on your own galleon tonight." He smirked. 

 "Hear Hear!" James and Peter cheered as everyone raised their drinks. 

"Thanks for inviting us out, Sirius." Said Dorcas after chugging down nearly hear entire glass of mead. "Sorry to hear about your uncle, though." 

Sirius gave a small shrug, playing with the label on his bottle. "We all could use a night out, I think. We've got Career Counseling coming up after all."

 "That sounds so...grown up." Said Lily in amazement. " _Career Counseling_." She shook her head. "After that it's not just fun and games anymore, is it? We'll actually be working towards our futures." 

Marlene shuddered and took a long drink from her own bottle. "Has anyone...I mean....have any of you given it any thought at all? To what you want to do?" 

 The others all looked around at each other with matching expressions of uncertainty. No one said anything. 

"Well," Said Lily, breaking the silence at last. "We all know what Potter's going to be." 

 "Oh?" James grinned at her. "And what's that? A professional prat? Come on Evans, just say it..." 

Lily laughed and rolled her eyes. "You _are_ a prat, Potter. I'd certainly hope no one would pay you to be an even bigger one-" 

 "Minister of Magic!" Marlene giggled. "That's a Professional Prat." 

All of them laughed at that but Lily shook her head. "Actually, I was going to say that Potter will probably end up being a Professional Quidditch Player." 

 James' goofy smile faded slightly and a faint blush fall over his face. "Really? You think so, Evans?" 

Lily shrugged, sipping at her mead. "I heard there were some scouts at your last game against Ravenclaw." She looked up at him from under her long lashes. "I could only guess they were there for you." 

There was an awkward pause and Mary jumped in. "Sirius won't be needing career counseling," Her voice was an octave higher than usual. "With all this money he'd got now, eh? You'll probably forgo a real job and take to underwear modeling or something." 

 Sirius barked with laughter and Marlene shook her head. "No, He'll just be a groupie for David Bowie and travel the world following his tour everywhere." 

"Only if you accompany me, Marls." Grinned Sirius, knocking back the rest of his whiskey. 

 "Ha!" Marlene scoffed. "In your dreams, Black. I'll be off on my own tour, thank you very much. I'm going to be famous." 

"For what?" Dorcas snorted. "That gargling you call singing? I've heard you in the showers." 

 "I accidentally swallowed water, you twat! Now stop that or I won't let you be my manager!" Marlene defended, crossing her arms and looking hurt until Dorcas leaned over and kissed her pouting lips. 

"What about you, Pete?" Asked James, his cheeks red from drinking. "What's in your future, eh?" 

 Peter hummed thoughtfully and Remus quietly excused himself to go order another round for everyone at the bar. "I dunno," Said Peter with a shrug. "I'd like to do something important. Something big."

 Sirius slammed his fist down on the table, making everyone jump, and he grinned, pointing across to Peter. "A spy." 

Peter raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "A spy, Padfoot?" 

 "Yeah! Y'know, like that one you and Rem talk about...that muggle man that wears a suit and gets all the birds...Er..." 

"James Bond?" Lily supplied, her lips twitching up as she watched Sirius struggle. 

 "Yes. That one, the real fit looking bloke." Sirius rambled on, clearly beginning to feel the effects of his drink. "Anyway, that's what Pete should do." Remus had returned and Sirius graciously took another bottle of whiskey from him as the drinks were passed around. "Think about it," He pointed his wand to the bottle cap to remove it and took a large gulp, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand and setting the bottle down. "You're smart, you know how to sneak about undetected, you're a ruddy good liar when we need to come up with alibis to get out of trouble. Plus, if your track record with Emmeline is anything to go by, you're not half bad with the ladies. So there you are. Spy." 

 Peter snorted. "Keep drinking, Pads..." 

"So that's a professional Quidditch Player, a Bowie Groupie," Lily smiled as she listed, pointing to everyone as she went. "'Famous' for Merlin knows what reason," Marlene huffed and muttered something about her exceptional singing skills. "And the new James Bond...What a successful bunch of young Witches and Wizards we are." 

 "And you, Evans?" Said Sirius as he moved over and opened his arm to allow Remus to sit snugly beside him. "What will you be?" 

"She'll write for Witch Weekly." Said Mary. "And get to interview all of those famous, good looking wizards." 

 Sirius nodded enthusiastically. "Hey, don't you forget about us little people here when you're drowning in free concert tickets and the like, yeah?" 

"Oh please," Lily laughed. "That's so not my future. Writing silly articles for some tabloid..." 

 "Minister of Magic." James interjected, taking his arm off of Mary's shoulders to point at the red head with his whiskey bottle. 

"Now you're calling me a Professional Prat, Potter?" Lily asked with an amused smile and a raised eyebrow. 

James, however, shook his head. "No." He said in a serious tone. "Quite the opposite. I think you'd be great. We've had enough prats in office...It's time we had an intelligent person who won't take shit from anyone. That's you." 

 Lily's face turned the exact color of her hair as she and James stared at each other across the table for just a moment too long. Lily was the first to notice and she quickly looked away, forcing a smile at a wary looking Mary. "Mary will probably-" 

 "A Healer." The blonde informed without any hesitation, her eyes looking harder than usual and her fingers wrapped tightly around the stem of her glass of mead. Then she blushed and looked down shyly. "I...I want to be a healer, actually."

Once again, the others all looked at each other, this time feeling slightly uneasy. Sirius glanced at James, who had busied himself with a lose string on his sleeve.

 "Wow," Said Lily softly, sitting back in her seat. "That's really wonderful, Mary. You actually have thought about it?"

Mary nodded. "I have." The smile had returned to her face. "Er...I've even spent a few free periods down in the infirmary with Madam Pomfrey. My mum is a nurse - Sort of like a muggle healer - So...I've always been interested in it."  

Sirius kicked James under the table, snapping him out of his apparent daze. 

 "Oh! That- That is great, Mary." He kissed her on the cheek. "It'll be nice for when I get all beaten and bruised during a quidditch match and you can fix me up, eh?" 

The rest of them continued joking about all of the injuries they would get over the years and how Mary would be their go-to-girl. Sirius, however, was too distracted by how stone-like Remus had been, sitting right beside him. He nuzzled the werewolf's shoulder. "You're quiet." 

 Remus took a sharp intake of breath, but didn't budge.

Sirius' hand found his and he laced their fingers together, squeezing gently. "Hey Moons," He kissed just under his ear. "Come back to us, love. You're far away somewhere, I can tell." 

Remus shakily let the air out of his lungs. "I just-" 

"I know." Sirius responded. He did know. He knew exactly what was on Remus' mind, and he'd be damned if he let Remus' self loathing and doubt get the better of him. Turning his attention back to the group, Sirius grinned and pulled Remus closer to him. "Of course we all know our little Remus is going to be a Professor, eh?" 

 "Oh, Remus, you would be a wonderful teacher!" Lily beamed at him as the others all nodded and murmured their enthusiastic agreement. 

It was Remus' turn to blush and he shook his head. "I...I doubt it, really. Thank you, though." 

 "Rubbish," Said Dorcas. "You'd kick the pants off Professor Zahorsky in Defense Against The Dark Arts. You correct him in class all the time." 

Remus smiled wryly and fiddled with his half empty whiskey bottle. "Thanks..." He muttered. 

It wasn't just Remus, though. There was a general heaviness in the air around all of them, even as they laughed and joked with each other.

 Growing up had been something of a dream up until now, and still here they were, expected to make these decisions all while the threat of war loomed overhead. Childhood dreams like being on a professional Quidditch team or traveling the world with different rock bands wouldn't fit into a world where most, if not all of them, would be expected to fight. If the Wizarding World was in as much trouble as James' dad and The Daily Prophet seemed to think it was, it wouldn't make a difference what they wanted to be. They wouldn't have a choice. They'd be soldiers.


	68. Career Counseling - Year 6

The familiar stinging of a healing charm woke Remus up in the early hours of the morning following the full moon.

 "You're getting good at that." His voice was raspy as it usually was following a transformation and his throat was sore, but overall he had certainly felt worse. He opened his eyes, blinking as the sun poured in through the dirty windows of the shrieking shack, to see Sirius kneeling beside him on the bed and James and Peter had already gone. 

 "Thanks." Sirius smiled almost modestly as he carefully tapped his wand on Remus' ribs, healing a shallow wound that crossed down his left side. Remus hissed at the slight discomfort the spell caused and Sirius winced. "Sorry." 

Remus shook his head. "Don't be. It hurts when Poppy does it as well. I'm use to it." Sirius hummed disapprovingly before bending down to press his lips to the spot his wand had just been. "Hm...that part is a little different than the way she does it, though." 

 Chuckling softly, Sirius moved to lie back down beside him. "I would hope so," He shifted their positions, spooning Remus from behind and nuzzling his hair. Remus was quiet, leaning back against his boyfriend's warm body and enjoying the feeling of his hands slowly running up and down his side.

 "Have you ever thought about doing that?" Asked Remus as Sirius' fingers skimmed over the freshly stitched wound. 

"What, Madam Pomfrey?" 

 Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. "No, idiot." He followed Sirius' fingers with his own, tracing over what would probably be a new scar. "Healing. You've got a knack for it. You should talk to Mcgongall about it in your meeting." 

He felt Sirius shrug. "Not really. I mean...I suppose I haven't really thought about it that way before. It's just something I wanted to know how to do for you...we won't always be at Hogwarts and you won't always have Pomfrey to come along and fix you up. What about you?" 

 "What about me?" He asked. Sirius didn't respond and Remus sighed. "Sirius, you know it's pointless for me to even think about it. No one's ever going to hire me. It's a waste of Mcgonagall's time to even have a meeting with me. I'm not-" 

"You know, the only person that doesn't treat you like a human is yourself, Remus." Said Sirius irritably.

Remus felt his cheeks go warm and his chest tightened with guilt. There was a silence between them for a moment before he sighed and moved to lie on his back, staring up at the ceiling. "I don't feel human." He muttered. 

 Propping himself up on his elbow Sirius cupped Remus' face, stroking his cheek with his thumb. His stormy eyes gazed down into Remus' still bright, wolfish yellow ones and he sighed. "I'll have to fix that then, won't I?" He didn't wait for a response before he covered Remus' lips with his own in a deep, loving kiss. 

-

The Great Hall was mysteriously quiet when Sirius entered, already half way through breakfast. Students were huddled together at their tables talking in hushed voices, some holding copies of The Daily Prophet.

Taking a seat beside James, Sirius looked around the room, straining to hear bits of conversations.

“What’s going on?” He asked, frowning as he noticed how empty the Gryffindor table was. “Where is everyone?”

“It’s been…” James hesitated for a moment, messing his hair with his hand. “It’s been a rough morning.” He slid a copy of the prophet over to Sirius. There on the front page was a picture of a large skull with a snake through its mouth, hanging high in the sky among the dark storm clouds.

**‘BODIES OF MISSING MUGGLES FOUND DEAD - A WARNING TO ALL MUGGLEBORNS AND THEIR ALLIES** ’

“It happened just outside of the town Mary’s family lives in.” Said Peter grimly. “She knows some of the…the victims…”

Sirius’ eyes scanned over the article quickly. The Death Eaters were threatening to come after muggleborns and their families. He shuddered and placed the Prophet back on the table.

“This can’t really be happening.” He muttered, looking across the hall at the Slytherin table. They too were gathered around a copy of the paper, which was blocking their faces. Sirius had an odd suspicion they weren’t very contrite.  
Shaking the thoughts of his brother and cousin from his mind, he looked back to James.

“Shouldn’t you be off with Mary if she’s upset, mate?”

An odd expression came over James’ face and he shoved his eggs around his plate with his fork. “Well I offered, but she said she just wanted her friends…so the girls went up to the dorm with her.” He sighed. “I don’t really know where Mary and I stand right now. Things have been a little off since we all went out the other night.”

Sirius and Peter exchanged knowing looks, but neither of them felt it was the right time to vocalize their opinions on James’ relationship.

“How’s Moony?” Asked Peter, sensing a change of subject was in order.

“He’s alright. Seems like it was an easy moon for him. He wasn’t bloodied up too bad, just a little sore.” He put some eggs and toast on his plate, though he wasn’t feeling very hungry. “Got him to agree to go to Career Counseling though.”

Both Peter and James looked relieved.

“Good,” said James. “He’s got to stop putting himself down because of something he has no control over. He’s much more qualified for nearly any job than half the nutters in this school.”

Peter nodded in agreement. “Besides, with his grades and being a prefect, he’s got a great transcript. So he may need to take a day off once a month to recover, big deal…I’m sure Dumbledore could put in good words for him and find him something.”

“Yeah, I know.” Sirius muttered, feeling a little irritated. “But try explaining that to Remus. You know how stubborn he is.”

“Well, at least you got him to agree to talk to Mcgonagall.” James said, standing up and gathering his things. “And speaking of which, I’ve got to get going.”

“Good luck.” Peter and Sirius called after him. 

-

 Career Counseling day was honestly Minerva McGonagall's favorite day of the year. It was exciting, seeing the students who she had watched grow from timid eleven year olds who couldn't grip their wands correctly into confident and strong witches and wizards, each with their own spectacular and unique set of skills. Hearing their ideas for the future, and helping them decided which path to take to achieve their goals, was exactly what made being a teacher so wonderful for her.

Though she had to admit, this year didn't feel quite the same as the past. All of her students seemed to be on edge, and she knew it was because of the darkness that was threatening their world, inching closer and closer each day. Dumbledore himself seemed sure there was going to be a war, and that it was coming sooner than they thought.

Minerva, however, was trying to remain positive. She had to, or else she feared that her students, and possibly herself, were going to lose hope. And without hope, they didn't stand a chance.

A steady knock on her door caught her attention and she didn't bother to look up from the papers that littered her desk. "Come in."

The door opened and she peered over the rim of her glasses with a smile. "Ah, Mr. Potter. Excellent. You may have a seat."

The boy sauntered over to the desk with his usual lopsided grin, plopping down into the seat across from her.

"Morning Minnie."

She raised an eyebrow at him and he sighed and sat up a little straighter. "Good morning Professor." He corrected himself, though the smirk on his face didn't flinch.

"Good morning, Mr. Potter." She didn't even try to hide the amusement in her voice. "Ah, here we are," She pulled out a folder containing all of James F. Potter's academic history. "Now then, you'll be quite pleased to hear, Potter, that there have been several scouts from various professional Quidditch teams who have come to Hogwarts specifically to see you play." She found the list of names and contact information. "The Appleby Arrows and Puddlemeir United have been particularly-"

"Professor," The interruption made Minerva look up from the list at the student in front of her. No longer did James Potter wear his confident smirk, as she imagined he would when told that his team, Puddlemeir United, wanted to sign him after graduation. Instead he looked very serious, and far past the age of sixteen. His hazel eyes met hers and he was no longer a boy at all, he was a man. "As...as elated as I am to be given that sort of chance..." He struggled to find the words he wanted to use. "I don't think that being a professional athlete is the right future for me."

Minerva watched him in silence for a moment, waiting for any sign that James wanted her to convince him otherwise. "It's always been your-"

"My dream," Potter nodded, eyes now downcast on his lap. "But...I'm a pureblood wizard and, not to brag or anything, I'm a very skilled one at that." The hint of a smirk ghosted across his face. "I don't think that it would be right of me to waste that in times like this, do you?" He met her eyes again, holding her gaze strongly, almost daring her to lie to him and tell him he was wrong and that the world wasn't in danger.

With a sigh, Minerva slipped the list of athletic contacts in the back of James' records. "Very well, Mr. Potter. What were you thinking of instead?"

And without any hesitation or doubt, James Potter confidently told her "I'm going to be an Auror."

-

Minerva had never liked to play favorites among her students, but she couldn't deny that Lily Evans was a very special case. 

 Exceptionally bright and kind, but also not one to let anybody or anything get in her way, there was no doubt in Minerva's mind that the red head would go far in whatever she wanted to do in life, and she was very eager to hear what she had in mind for the future. 

 "You've got nearly perfect marks all around, Miss Evans." Said Minerva as she looked over Lily's records. "Of course you excel mostly in charms and potions. Have you put any thought into working as an apothecary?" 

 Lily didn't say anything. In fact, she seemed uncharacteristically distracted with her green eyes staring off out the window and a slight frown on her lips. After a moment, she looked back at the Professor with a serious expression. "May I ask you something, Professor? Honestly?" 

"Of course." 

 Again there was silence as Lily thought about how to choose her words and her eyes darted back to the window. "This man..." She said carefully. "The one that's calling himself the 'Dark Lord' or whatever he is...If what the Prophet has been reporting is true, and he's after muggleborns like me...do you really think I even stand a chance at making a life in the Wizarding World?" 

 The question startled Minerva and she stared at her student with her mouth agape. "Miss Evans, I assure you that whatever may or may not be happening in the world right now, you are one person in particular that I wouldn't bet against." 

With a wry smile, Lily shook her head. "That's very kind of you, Professor...but if people are really afraid of this man, don't you think they wouldn't want to cross him by hiring the wrong sorts?" She sighed and looked down at her lap. "...I have no formal education in the muggle world and the Wizarding World is turning against people like me. I can't help but feel a little hopeless." 

-

Minerva didn't think she would ever be so pleased to see the cocky grin on Sirius Black's face as he entered her office. It seemed that most of her students were becoming more and more pessimistic about the future as the day went on, but Sirius sauntered into the room looking as confident as ever.

"Afternoon, Minnie."

She gave him a look of disapproval, but unlike Potter, Black did not correct himself. Tilting his chair back on two legs, Sirius waved his hand before she could even begin to speak.

"No need to waste time, Professor. I have top marks, ambition and natural talent coming out the arse-"

" _Sirius_ ," She warned.

"Sorry." Sirius smiled apologetically. "Anyway, I already I'm going to be an auror."

"An auror?" Minerva repeated, giving the boy a skeptical look.

Having expected words of unhesitating approval and praise for his nobility, Sirius frowned. "Well...yes." His confidence faltered and he swallowed thickly, attempting not to seem overly put off.

Pressing her lips into a thin line, Minerva continued to stare at the boy across from her. "This isn't just because Mr. Potter also wishes to become an auror, is it? And you think it would be fun to continue in your training as a pair?"

Silver eyes narrowed on her and his eyebrows lowered angrily. " _No_ , it's not just because I want to stick with James." His fists clenched around the arms of the chair he was staining to remain seated in. "What, you think I can't handle-?"

"I think that being an auror takes a lot of self control, Sirius." Said Minerva calmly, her eyes flickering to the boy's fists. "And it also means listening to authority. I know these are things you sometimes struggle with, but it would be a matter of life and death as an auror."

" _I know that_." Sirius growled through his teeth. He glared at her. "You don't think I can do it?" His voice dripped with challenge.

"Sirius, you know I think you can do whatever you set your mind to." She answered simply. "I just want you to be prepared for what will be asked of you if you pursue this career. It's not about whether or not I think you're skilled enough, you most certainly are. I just want you to do it for the right reasons."

Sirius' expression softened. He loosened his grip on the arm of his chair and his shoulders sunk as he took a deep breath in. "I...I want to protect people." His voice cracked as he uttered the words. "Something bad is coming, I know it is...and I want to be a prepared as possible to protect my friends...I don't want people to hear my name and think of me as nothing but another status obsessed pureblood, elbows deep in the dark arts...I want to help rid the world of everything my ancestors helped create...this bloody caste system that's been fueled by hate and ignorance of anyone different..." Heglanced up, finally meeting Minerva's gaze. "I can do that, Professor. I know I have trouble controlling myself sometimes, but...this is what I'm meant to do. I'm meant to keep my family - my chosen family - safe."

- 

Peter Pettigrew was fidgeting nervously in the chair as Minerva glanced over his files. 

 "I'm not particularly good at anything." He muttered. "I'm not naturally talented like James or Sirius and I'm not smart like Remus-" 

"I wouldn't go as far as to say that, Mr. Pettigrew." Said Minerva, looking over the brim of her glasses at the boy. "You're a very bright young man, perhaps just differently than your friends. There's nothing wrong with that. You've never had bad marks, except in Potions and even those aren't abysmal." 

 Peter chewed his bottom lip, looking completely unconvinced. "I'm alright at things, I suppose." He shrugged heavily. "Mostly it's because I follow their lead, though." 

Minerva placed the boy's folder on the desk and sighed. "Not everyone is a natural born leader, Mr. Pettigrew. Nor does everyone have to be. Your talents seem more along the lines of support, which is also very important you know. The most powerful people in the world would be nothing if they didn't have a strong support system behind them." 

 "I guess I never thought about it that way..." Said Peter, frowning thoughtfully. 

"You know, as troublesome as the four of you may be, I cannot deny that the things you've done over the years have been anything but clever. Can you honestly tell me that you've had nothing to do with any of it?" 

The corners of the boy's mouth twitched up and he laughed quietly to himself. "No, I can't." 

Minerva smiled. "You're just as valuable as any of your friends, Mr. Pettigrew. Don't you forget that." She picked his folder back up and flipped through some of the papers. "Have you considered maybe a job at the ministry?" 

- 

 Never in all of her years of teaching did Minerva McGonagall think she would be happy to be through with career advising. She was cleaning off her desk, preparing to lock up her office and get a few moments of peace before dinner when there was a knock on the door, so soft she almost thought she had imagined it. 

"Come in." She called, not looking up from the mess of papers she was attempting to tidy up until she heard the door open and click softly shut.

"Remus," She said, surprised to see the boy standing there. "I...I wasn't expecting-"

Remus' hand found the door knob again. "That's alright, Professor." He said softly, eyes downcast as he turned to leave. "I won't waste your time-"

"No!" Said Minerva, so quickly that the young werewolf paused what he was doing and stared at her. "No, dear. I meant to say that I wasn't expecting to see you here _today_. I wasn't sure you'd feel up to it, I thought we could reschedule something for later in the week for you. By all means, Mr. Lupin, have a seat." she gestured to the chair across from her. 

Again Remus hesitated, his bright eyes lingering on the door for a moment before he slowly let go and walked across the room to sit down.

Before Minerva could speak, Remus took in a breath.

"Professor, I...I do think this may be a waste of your time." He said carefully, eyes firmly on his lap as Minerva pulled his files and began looking over his grades. "There is no future for me, I've accepted that. No one's going to hire a m-"

"Mr. Lupin, that is quite enough." Said Minerva sharply, her nostrils flaring. "I will not tolerate that sort of negative speak about one of my most promising students, thank you very much." She flipped through some papers. "I know that it certainly won't be easy-"

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. "Easy? Nothing in my life has been easy, and it's only going to get harder." 

She had never heard the boy speak in such a hard tone. "Remus-"

"You don't need to sugar coat it for me, Professor. I know what lies ahead for someone like me," He laughed coldly and shook his head. "It was a waste to even allow me to come to Hogwarts. I'm useless, a charity case. They'll take one look at me and turn me away. Especially now...with this man trying to recruit all the wrong sorts to follow him...how long until he goes after dangerous creatures? People will see me as a weapon to-"

"That is _enough_ , Remus!" Minerva snapped once more and t he boy's mouth immediately shut.

"I can't believe what I'm hearing from you. You should be ashamed of yourself for feeding into such horrible thoughts. Your time here has absolutely not been a waste. Not to you, and not to any soul you have come in contact with during your time here. Do I make myself quite clear?" Remus' cheeks went pink and he looked down again, shifting uncomfortably on his seat. Staring at his lap, his eyes blinked several times as he tried to formulate a response only to open close his mouth without a sound. Minerva slowly exhaled, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose with the tip of her finger. "Now then, you may not realize it, but you do have many different options. Close to top marks, a prefect, an outstanding record of tutoring..." 

 The conversation was very one sided as she gave her opinion on different careers that he could look into. Remus nodded quietly along with everything she had to say, but Minerva could see the doubt in his eyes even as he smiled and expressed his gratitude. 

"Remus, you can have just as good a future as anyone else. More so, because you've fought hard for it already. I hope you know that you can always come to me for any assistance." They both stood and she walked him to the door.

 "Thank you for your help, Professor." He said politely as he opened the door to find James, Sirius and Peter waiting in the hall. 

"Of course, Remus." She replied softly.

 She watched as his anxious expression was masked with a forced smile at his friends, and the four boys took off in the direction of the Great Hall. 

She wasn't feeling very hungry all of the sudden. 


	69. Your Person - Year Six

For nearly six years, there was one fact that every student of Hogwarts had seen proven time and time again:

Lily Evans hated James Potter.

In first year, it was James' insufferable habit of having to beat Lily to every question in class or correct her on the tiniest of details just to prove he was just as smart, if not smarter, than she was. By the time they were in their third year, they were in a constant competition for the top of the class, which was infuriating to Lily since Potter and his friends were rarely seen studying, other than Remus of course. Admittedly, however, she had begun to enjoy the challenge and instead she hated Potter for his blatant bullying of Severus Snape.

 Lily and Severus' friendship came to an abrupt end when the Slytherin had called her 'Mudblood' in front of half the school, and she never forgave him and never would. Potter, for all his irritating habits, had calmed down quite a bit after that and Lily would even go as far, these days, as to call him a friend. But something about him still made her feel very uneasy...

 No one knew this better than Marlene, Dorcas and Mary, because they were usually on the receiving end of Lily's aggravated rants. It was quite obvious to the three girls that what their friend was feeling towards the mischievous Quiddich captain was no longer disdain, but infatuation, even if Lily didn't realize it herself. 

And that's why when Mary started dating James, Dorcas and Marlene were very confused...

 "Let me get this straight," Said Marlene critically, looking at Mary with a slight frown and a quirked brow.

 "Must be a challenge for you." Mary smirked, but Marlene ignored her. 

"James 'date-me-Evans' Potter asked you out and you said yes?" 

Mary nodded. "Correct." 

 "Even though everyone in school knows that Lily, one of your closest friends, is mad about him?" Added Dorcas. 

Mary gave the girls a knowing smile, her eyes drifting across the common room to where Lily was sitting with her nose buried in a book, clearly trying to hide the fact that she was laughing at whatever Potter and Black were animatedly discussing a few feet from her. 

 "Not _everyone_ in the school knows it..." 

Realization dawned on Marlene and Dorcas and they grinned. 

 "Mary McDonald, you sneak!" Laughed Marlene, throwing an arm around her friend. "Taking a leaf out of Potter's own book, are you?"

"I suppose you could say that."

She didn't think it would take long before either James or Lily finally cracked and admit they had feelings for each other, but here she was seven months later and still dating James Potter. Not that she had any complaints, James was actually a lot of fun. He was entertaining and very nice, if not a little ridiculous at times, but she was always sure to talk him up if she knew Lily was within earshot. The one thing she had forgotten to take into account was just how stubborn both James and Lily could be. With the end of the school year approaching quickly, perhaps it was time to call it quits on her plan.

-

 

"...And the reason, again, that you so desperately need a hair growth potion, Mr. Potter?" Professor Slughorn asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow at the sixth year student in front of him who was wearing an easy expression of innocence. 

 "Ah, well you see Professor, I promised I wouldn't go giving any names, she's embarrassed you see," Explained James. "But one of the third year girls let her mate cut her hair and it was just a disaster, as you could imagine. Teenage girls, eh?" He grinned, watching as the professor took the bait, hook, line and sinker. "She's simply mortified to leave the common room, so I offered to assist."

 "Well that was kind of you, Mr. Potter! I don't see why not." He searched through the drawer of his desk and handed James the key to the storage. "Just be sure to lock up once your done."

 "Absolutely!" James agreed brightly. "Thank you, sir!" 

Slipping out of Slughorn's office and into the potions lab with a sly smirk on his face, James pocketed the small phial that the professor had given him to obtain the amount of potion needed to help the imaginary girl and pulled a much larger beaker out of his robes. After all, they would need much more potion to have the desired effect on several carefully selected Slytherins than on just one girl with a bad haircut. 

 An amused snort from behind him nearly made him spill the potion over and he spun around to see Lily Evans standing in the doorway of the storage, arms crossed and grinning knowingly. 

 "Potter."

"Evans." 

 Lily glanced at the phial that James was now corking. "Up to no good, I see?" 

"No idea what your talking about, Evans." James chided with a smile. "I'm helping a young girl in need, if you must know." 

 "Is that the lie you told Slughorn?" Asked Lily.

"Will a certain prefect be giving me detention if I say yes?" 

Emerald eyes lingered on hazel, both giving a challenging stare before Lily shrugged. "No." She said finally. "But would you move, please? I need some juniper seeds."

Stepping to the side, James allowed Lily to make her way over to the shelves for her ingredients. He watched as she stood on her toes, reaching up to one of the higher shelves, finger tips just barley touching the jar of seeds and he shook his head.

 "Here, I've got it." He muttered, extending his own arm. Just as Lily was about to protest, their fingers brushed and they both froze. James felt his face heat up as pink crept up Lily's cheeks and he couldn't help but notice just how pretty it made her look. 

 We're friends. He thought to himself firmly. _I'm not going to mess that up_. 

"James?"

There was a loud smash as the jar fell to the ground, breaking and scattering seeds all over. Lily and James jumped away from each other as if they had been electrocuted and Mary just stood there in the door way, watching with a completely expressionless face. 

 "M-Mary," James nervously ran a hand through his hair. "Er, what are you-?"

"We were suppose to go to lunch in Hogsmeade." Mary reminded him lightly. "An hour ago. When I couldn't find you, Sirius said you'd be here." 

 _Fuck_.

"I'm sorry." Said James honestly. "I completely lost track of the time." He glanced down at the shattered glass and the juniper seeds spread across the floor and he looked at Lily guiltily. "Let me just-" 

 "No," said Lily quickly, avoiding eye contact with both James and Mary. "It's fine, Potter. I can clean this up. You go." 

"Are you su-"

 " _Go, James."_

James hesitated for just another second. He felt like there was something more he wanted to say or do, but he wasn't sure what exactly and so with a sigh he followed Mary out of the potions lab and into the corridor. Neither of them said a word as they walked out of the dungeons and James, for all he had ever done, had never felt quite as guilty as he did just then, and he hadn't even done anything other than let time slip away. The silence was killing him.

 "Mary-" 

"It's alright, James." Said Mary. They stopped walking and she turned to face him. She didn't look angry, but then again she never did and James was positive he had given her plenty of reasons to be. "To be completely honest, the reason I wanted to go out today was...well, I wanted to talk to you about-" 

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?" James muttered, feeling his stomach drop as Mary gave him a sad little smile. She took a step towards him and reached out her hand for his, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

 "You really are a wonderful person, James, really. I'm glad we had the time together that we did, but I think that time may be up, don't you?" 

James didn't respond, he wasn't sure of what he was suppose to say. Should he fight with her to stay? Shouldn't that be what he wanted? That's what Sirius and Remus did when ever they had their ridiculous splits...

But this wasn't the same. He and Mary certainly weren't Sirius and Remus, and to be completely honest, James didn't really want to fight.

Mary was still smiling though. "I'm not your person." 

He frowned, confused. "What?" 

 "Your person." Repeated Mary. "Your _soulmate_ , if you believe in that. I think you know that, James. I think everyone knows it...well, nearly everyone."

Again, James had no response but to stare at the girl before him speechlessly. Mary stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. "She'll come around eventually." She whispered in his ear and James nearly jumped back, eyes wide. 

 "W-what? Who?" 

Mary laughed and shook her head. "You're a smart lad. Figure it out." She winked at him. "See you later." And she left him standing there, completely baffled.

-

"Merlin, there you are mate. You've been gone all bloody day." Said Sirius, sliding over to make room at the Gryffindor table where dinner had already appeared on the plates before them. "Did you get the potion?" He added in a quieter tone. 

 "Er...yeah, I got it." Said James, sinking into the seat beside his best friend. 

Remus frowned. "Are you alright, James?" 

 "Fine." Said James shortly, pushing mashed potatoes around his plate. "Why?" 

"You don't seem too enthusiastic about giving the Slytherins an extra ten feet of hair." Peter supplied, looking concerned. "And you were missing all day. What happened?" 

 James sighed. It was no use trying to hide it from them. "Mary broke up with me." 

Sirius, Remus and Peter exchanged a look that James chose to ignore. 

_I'm not your person. think you know that, James. I think everyone knows it...well, nearly everyone._

"Sorry, Prongs." Said Remus finally, looking sympathetic. "You liked her a lot." 

 James shrugged. "I suppose. I'm fine with it, really. I mean...I knew it wasn't going to be a forever type of thing. I just sort of feel like I mucked it all up, you know? Always forgetting or canceling plans with her and all..." 

"Was she angry?" Asked Sirius, his mouth still full of food which made Remus roll his eyes and shake his head at his boyfriend's lack of manners. "She didn't seem angry when I spoke to her. What're you shaking your head for, Moons?" 

"Nah, it wasn't a messy split or anything. In fact, she was planning to break it off before I forgot about lunch today. We're fine though. We're friends, no hard feelings."

 "Good." Said Sirius, flinging his arm over James' shoulder. "So then stop your pouting and think about how much grease ol' Snivelly is going to trail behind him when he's got all that extra hair later. C'mon, mate. It's the last prank of the year." 

James laughed and nodded. "Yeah, you're right. Thanks, Pads." 

 Sirius continued to go on about the plans, successfully distracting James from thoughts of Mary Mcdonald and Lily Evans and he only paused briefly when Remus' family's owl dropped an envelope on his boyfriend's lap. 

"Not time for mail..." Peter frowned. "Everything okay, Moony?" 

 Remus shrugged it off. "Probably just my dad going over...er...arrangements for me this summer." His face went slightly pink and he looked down. "Gotten a little too big for the cellar..." The other Marauders winced and Remus shook his head. "It's fine. It's no big deal." He forced a smile at them and, reluctantly, the others went back to their conversation. 

 "So I managed to get the password to the Slytherin common room and all we've got to do is-" 

_Clang!_

The sound of Remus' fork dropping heavily onto his plate made the other three boys jump and look at him. The werewolf had gone pale and his hands were shaking as his wide, amber eyes stared at the letter in his hands in horror. 

 "Moony?" 

"What's wrong?" 

 Remus didn't say anything and Sirius quickly took one of his shaking hands in his own. "Remus? Are you okay?" 

"...M-my mum's sick." 

 


	70. Anything - Year 6

It was a slightly chilly night for early June, though Remus supposed it was always a little colder sitting up on the rooftop of Gryffindor tower. The sky was clear and moonless and the stars were shining exceptionally bright over the black lake. Usually a night like this would be blissful for Remus. No moon meant no ache in his bones and little to no animalistic instinct trying to overcome the human part of his brain. These were the nights he most enjoyed planning or partaking in pranks with his friends or sneaking out to get drunk or high and just behave like any other seventeen year old boy. Tonight though, he felt numb.

His mind was in shock. For all of the terrible things he had had happen to him in his short life, the one thing he had held onto for comfort was that he had two wonderful, caring parents and somehow he never thought to consider that they may not always be around.

_ She's not dead _ _._ He reminded himself for what felt like the thousandth time since he had opened the letter from home.  _ She's sick and there's a chance she could get better. You haven't lost her. _

_Yet_.  Added another bitter voice in his head. A voice he quickly tried to shake off with a shuddering sigh as he tilted his head back to rest against the stone of the castle with his eyes screwed shut.

"Ah, there you are."

Remus didn't open his eyes or move from his position, but he heard the heavy footsteps of Sirius' boots coming toward him.

"I told you to go on with Prongs and Wormtail to plant that hair potion on the Slytherins." He said quietly.

Sirius snorted and he could hear the rustling of the boy's leather jacket as he was probably searching the pockets for his cigarettes.

"We put it off for the night. We're more concerned with you believe it or not."

Remus' eyes opened with a start as he felt the warm, weighted material of Sirius' jacket cover his shoulders. Sirius sat down beside him, smiling around the unlit cigarette in his mouth. "You looked a little cold."

Remus forced a smile in return and pulled the jacket tighter around him. "Thanks." He watched his boyfriend light up and take a drag.

"So," said Sirius after a moment as he exhaled the smoke. "D'you want to talk about it?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't know what to say, really..." he looked back out into the dark night. He felt like his insides were completely knotted up and he had to keep swallowing past this awful lump in his throat. Sirius just waited patiently, blowing smoke rings which transfigured, somewhat sloppily but still quite impressive, into different shapes; a moon, a star, a heart. Remus let just a small smile slip. He sighed. "It's called cancer. Muggles get it sometimes and...well, they don't always survive it." He chewed on his bottom lip anxiously before continuing. "You can get it all sorts of ways, but if there's a family history you're more at risk. My granddad died from it as well."

"I'm sorry..." Sirius muttered and Remus shook his head with a small shrug.

"I didn't really know him." He said. "Mum's family are all Muggles, so when I was bitten we sort of...lost touch with them." He pulled his knees closer to his chest and stared out into the distance, not wanting to see the sad look he knew Sirius was giving him. "It's easy to tell everyone your kid is away at boarding school without having to tell anyone he's a wizard. It's not as easy to explain why your four year old is covered in scars and bruises and always looks ill. So she cut them all off...she could have left me and dad. She could have run back to her family and had a normal, muggle life. A  _ better _ life, not having to deal with having a werewolf for a child...she  _ should _ have."

" _ Remus _ ..." Sirius' voice was gentle, but clearly a warning that he would not allow Remus to go down that path.

"Sorry..." Remus felt his cheeks heat up just a little and he went quiet. He let his head drop onto Sirius' shoulder and they both sat in silence, looking out at the sky. Sirius' arm snaked around him, pulling him in closer before he pressed a lingering kiss to the top of his head that warmed Remus' entire body from head to toe. "Pads...?"

"Yeah?"

"I...I have a sort of request." Said Remus anxiously. "You could say no, of course, if you're not comfortable...I completely understand, I just..."

"Anything, Moons." Said Sirius, nuzzling his nose lightly against Remus' hair. "You know that."

"Would you come home with me at the end of term?" His voice was barely above a whisper as he asked and there was a heavy pause after that absolutely terrified him. He swallowed again. "I...I want her to know you."

More silence and Remus thought perhaps jumping off the roof may just be the only way to end the terrible pain he felt in his gut. Then Sirius' fingers lifted his chin, forcing him to meet his silvery eyes, a half smirk on his face.

"You want me to meet your parents?"

Remus blushed and nodded. "Yes...b-but you really don't have to! I know it's sort of an awkward time and-!" Sirius' lips softly pressed against his own, successfully shutting him up.

"Yes." Said Sirius, his forehead still resting lightly against Remus'.

"Yes?"

" _ Yes _ ." He repeated with a chuckle and Remus' heart melted. " _ Anything _ , Moony."

They kissed again, Remus' fingers tangling in Sirius' soft, dark hair as he held onto the other boy like a lifeline and Sirius' arm that was still holding him around his waist pulled him gently, coercing him to sit practically in his lap where Remus had to admit he had never felt more safe and secure.

They didn't break apart until someone cleared their throat from behind them. Peter was standing, one leg on the rooftop and the other still inside the dorm room window, looking apologetic.

"Sorry to interrupt." He smiled sheepishly and held up a brown paper bag. "But Prongs and I figured you'd both murder us if we ran off to get drunk without you. And Moony could use a little buzz, I think."

Sirius looked at Remus, silently asking if he was up for it and Remus nodded.

"Yeah." He smiled at Peter. "Thanks Worm. You're right, I could definitely use it."

Peter's grin widened a little. "Excellent. I'm glad. We'll just let you two finish up out here, then." He ducked back inside.

Sirius stood and extended a hand which Remus took, allowing himself to be pulled up and into a tight embrace. They didn't say anything, they didn't have to, and together they went back inside to where James and Peter were waiting.

"Alright, Moony?" Asked James, looking concerned as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with his finger. Sirius had taken the paper bag from Peter and he and James excitedly praised the smaller boy for his excellent selection of stollen liquor while Peter beamed with pride. James was pulling the invisibility cloak from his trunk while Sirius unfolded the map, glancing up for a second to wink and smirk at Remus.

"Yeah." Said Remus. "I think I will be."

James patted him reassuringly on the shoulder before throwing the cloak over all of their heads.

"...bugger." He muttered as all of them squeezed as close as possible. Looking down they could see that their feet were sticking out.

"We don't all fit anymore." Laughed Sirius. "Godric, for the first time I think I feel old. We've grown."

Remus hummed thoughtfully for a moment, his eyes landing on Peter. "Pete, why don't you transform? I'll carry you."

"Good idea, Moony." Said Peter, smiling brightly at the idea that only he could fix their new found problem. His body began to shrink and within seconds a rat stood in his place. Remus bent down and offered his hand, which Wormtail sniffed at and quickly scurried up onto the boy's shoulder. Remus plucked him up and placed him carefully in the chest pocket of his shirt, where the rat then stuck his little face out.

"Ah, much better." James said briskly. "On we go!"

-

Lily had to admit that she hated being a prefect on the last few nights of term. There was nothing worse than being the person responsible for breaking up everyone's End Of The Year celebrations.

Most students stuck to common room parties, of course, but others snuck out for more private shenanigans and Lily had lost count of just how many broom-closet snogs she had exasperatingly broken up injust the last hour. Including

"Oh for the love of Merlin, Marlene!" Lily pinched the bridge of her nose as Marlene and Dorcas stumbled, giggling and disheveled, out from behind a tapestry.

"Sorry Lils!" Dorcas laughed, flattening her skirt and watching Marlene try to discreetly re-clip her bra. "We'd have kept to the dorm room but Alice has Frank in there."

Lily rolled her eyes, but she was smiling as her two friends kissed again and helped each other pull themselves back together. "Yeah, yeah, I understand. You know I have to send you back, though. Kick Frank and Alice out. Tell them to go to the boys' dorm."

"Right," snorted Marlene. "We'll tell them that."

"On prefect's orders." Dorcas winked at Lily.

Lily sighed. "Alright, fine. I never saw you. But for Godric's sake use a silencing charm and a locking spell so you aren't caught by another prefect or Filch."

Marlene grinned. "You're the best Lil." She look Dorcas' hand. "Back in the closet then, love."

"So romantic!" Dorcas chimed, fanning herself dramatically as she was pulled back into the cupboard by her girlfriend.

Lily waited until she was sure the other girls had charmed the door before she continued on her rounds.

The corridors were pretty much empty and very quiet other than the soft sound of Lily's own leisurely footsteps and the occasional portrait that greeted and made small chat with her, but other than that she couldn't help being slightly bitter that she didn't get to enjoy her last night in the castle for the year and she wished that Remus had been able to make the shift with her.

_ _ _That's not fair_. She reminded herself, feeling guilty.  _ With the news he got, he deserves to be out getting his mind off things. Don't be selfish. _

She looked down at her watch. Ten thirty. At least there was only an hour left before she could return to the common room, certainly whatever festivities were going on up there wouldn't be over just yet. She could still have a decent night. She was already all the way down by the dungeons, perhaps if she walked very slowly she could start heading back now.

Almost at the exact moment that the thought crossed her mind, there was a jet of light that hit her so fast she had no time at all to make a grab for her wand and deflect it. Her body went rigid against the stone wall as the body-bind took instant effect and she felt her heart begin to race.

"It's that Gryffindor mudblood, Evans." Said a voice from somewhere she couldn't see. Four people, all with the hoods of their cloaks up so she could not see their faces, stepped into her line of vision and she held her breath as the one in front stepped closer.

"Perfect." He chuckled darkly, twirling his wand between two long fingers. She definitely recognized the voice, but she couldn't place who it was. "In fact, I don't think it could have worked out any better."He turned to the side, towards one of the other cloaked figured. "Wouldn't you agree?"

The other person didn't say anything, they just hung their head, their hood slipping down further over their unseen face.

The first man shrugged and laughed, turning back to Lily who struggled slightly against the jinx even though she knew it was completely useless. "What a shame. I'd have thought you'd want to be the first to have a go at her. Ah well, what about you?" He looked towards the person on his other side, who jumped slightly when addressed.

"Er...w-well..."

That voice she definitely knew.

"Regulus..." She managed through gritted teeth. "You don't have to!"

The cloaked figure that was Regulus Black's head shot up when he heard his name and his hood flew back, revealing his face which went very pale.

"Shut up, Mudblood filth!" Snapped the fourth figure in the back. The high pitched voice of Bellatrix Black. She quickly grabbed the back of Regulus' hood and yanked it back up so he was once again covered. "Let me do it, Mulciber!"

Lily felt her stomach twist and she could feel a cold sweat starting to form on her skin. There was nothing she could do. She was trapped.

"Now Bella, all in good time." Mulciber sneered. He reached out with one hand and wrapped his fingers around Regulus' wrist. "Regulus needs this more than you do. He's yet to prove himself..." he pulled the younger boy forward, making him stumble slightly which made him a little less intimidating. Lily felt sorry for him.

"Come on then, Regulus." Mulciber coerced gently, using the hand on Regulus' wrist to force the younger student to raise his wand and point it at Lily. "You've got to learn how to use these. Curse the little muggle bitch. It's easy if you imagine it's someone you really hate...pretend it's that disgrace of a brother of yours."

Bellatrix cackled with laughter behind them, but Regulus didn't budge. He stood there completely still, as if he himself were locked in a body bind. Lily stared hard at him, silently pleading and hoping that he saw her, hoping there was some part of him that was still the boy his brother desperately missed.

Lily felt every nerve in her body relax as Regulus jerked his arm away from Mulciber, his hood slipping off again so that Lily could see his steel grey eyes glaring at the older Slytherin. "No. This is stupid."

" Stupid ?" Repeated Mulciber, clearly outraged. "You can't just deny orders because you think-"

"I don't _think_ it's stupid," growled Regulus, standing a little straighter with his shoulders back. "It  _ is _ stupid! And I don't need to take orders from you. We're in a bloody school, Mulciber! You can do whatever you want, but I'm not risking being expelled for you." He raised his wand at Lily again and she braced herself for whatever was coming, only to find her body suddenly released and she fell, slumped to the floor. She stood quickly and brushed herself off, whipping her wand out and pointing it back at Regulus, who's wand was still raised and pointed at her.

"You won't tell anyone about this, Evans." Said Regulus. It wasn't a question.

Lily, still shaking but firmly standing her ground hesitated for a moment before she nodded.

Bellatrix made a frustrated sound that resembled a dying cat and stormed off. Mulciber shook his head at Regulus and followed after Bellatrix, leaving only the final, silent person and Regulus, who still hadn't broken eye contact with Lily.

"You won't tell  _anyone_?"  Regulus emphasized, his eyes going from threatening to pleading in a flash. Lily nodded.  _I won't tell Sirius_.  And Regulus finally lowered his wand, slipping it into his pocket .  His posture relaxed and it looked for a moment like he wanted to say 'thank you', but instead he looked at the other person that remained. "Lets go."

Lily didn't wait to watch them leave, and she hurried the opposite direction down the hall as fast as she could, her heart pounding in her ears and her hand fisted so tightly around her wand that her knuckles were bloodless and white. She heard footsteps running quickly after her and she spun around, wand raised and a hex on her lips.

"Lily, wait!"

" _ You _ !" Lily nearly screamed in outrage, jabbing her wand directly into Severus' chest. Severus' eyes went wide and he raised both hands in surrender.

"Lily, listen-"

Lily let out a sharp laugh, glaring daggers into the boy with disgust. " _How_ _ dare _ _you, Severus_!" She growled. "How dare you try to speak to me after all you've done! After what you just did!"

"I didn't do anything!" Severus defended desperately.

" Bullshit !" Lily spat. Her blood was boiling now. She gripped her wand, her mind racing with every jinx, hex and spell she could think of to throw at him. "I told you a year ago I was finished with you, Severus. You continue to hang out with these...these  _ terrorists _ !"

"They aren't-"

"It's what they _will_ be! It's what they _want_ to be once they get out of school and join that cult that's been murdering muggles and muggleborns! Innocent people, Severus!  _ People like me _ !"

"Lily, you don't understand! You don't know what's actually happening to our world right now. Please, Lily, I can't  protect you!"

" _Protect me_!"  Lily cried out. " What,  like what you did just now, back there? You stood there with your tail between your legs and did _nothing_ , Severus! You're a coward!"

Severus' eyes hardened into a glare and he sneered. "And you think _Potter_ can protect you?" Lily gasped in shock. "Don't think I haven't seen the way you look at him these days. I've seen you with him in the library, helping him with Black's pet werewolf-"

_ SLAP _ !

Lily's open hand connected sharply with Severus' cheek and he stumbled back in shock. Lily took a threatening step forward.

"You listen to me, Severus." Lily uttered venomously. "First of all, whatever you think I feel for James Potter isn't any of your business. And second of all, I don't need anyone's protection. Not his, and certainly not yours. Do I make myself clear? I can take care of myself."

"That's not how it seemed back there." Said Severus.

"Outnumbering and attacking whilst my back was turned isn't what I would consider a fair assessment of what I'm capable of." Lily countered angrily and whatever Severus had planned to combat her with faltered. Lily took a deep breath. "I'm taking fifty points from Slytherin."

"You told Regulus you wouldn't tell-"

"I never saw Regulus." Said Lily coolly, standing straighter and delighting in the way Severus' eyes widened. "Just _you_. Out of bounds, after hours, and sneaking around after other people  as usual ." She took a step back, her wand no longer pressed into the boy's ribs. "Now go back to your common room  _ Snivellus _ ."

Severus stood still, clearly shocked by Lily's harsh words. Lily turned to walk away, and then, not feeling quite satisfied enough, she turned back and lifted her wand.

" _F_ _urnunculus _ !" She shouted, and boils began to pop up all over Severus' face and, though not visible under his robes, all over his body. Severus choked on air as he scrambled back away from her in horror and she smirked. "You should probably see Madam Pomfrey before you get on the train home tomorrow." And before Severus could say or do anything else, she spun around, robes billowing behind her, and marched back to Gryffindor Tower. 

-

"Wow..." James and Peter both stared at Sirius in mild disbelief from where they were perched on James' bed. Remus was in the Prefects end of term meeting and the boys were packing.

Sirius continued throwing things haphazardly into his trunk. "What? D'you not think I should?"

"No!" James said, shaking his head. "It's just...that's a huge thing, isn't it? Meeting his parents. Especially with everything that's going on for his family."

"How do you feel about it?" Peter asked.

Sirius sighed and ran his hand through his hair, then rubbed at his eyes. How  did he feel?

"I don't know." He muttered. "Honestly I'm too worried about Remus to even think about the fact that we're sort of...well..."

"Taking a big step?" Offered Peter. Then he frowned. "Er...not to add any sort of stress to the situation, Pads, but do Remus' parents even know that he's...y'know...not straight?"

Sirius paused what he was doing and blinked a few times. "I...I really don't know, honestly." He sat down on top of his trunk to get it to stay shut. " _Fuck_. This is going to be a disaster, isn't it?" Panic had suddenly rose in Sirius' chest as every possible horrible outcome played out in his head. Remus' parents could be disgusted with him and maybe even throw him out. It wasn't unheard of, obviously. Of course, even if they didn't mind the fact that their son was dating another boy, that boy was  _him_ ,  and he didn't have the best track record with parents.

"Bloody hell, what if they hate me?" He muttered, eyes going wide with fear as he looked desperate at his friends for support.

"Oh please, why would they hate you?" James rolled his eyes and stood up, crossing over to sit beside Sirius on the trunk.

Sirius gave him a deadpanned look and gestured to himself with his hand. "Because I'm _me_. Sirius Black: Every parent's worst nightmare."

James laughed and shook his head. "Cut the shit, Pads. My parents adore you. I think they like you more than they like me!" He slung his arm over Sirius' shoulder. "I'm relatively sure all Remus' parents want is for him to be happy. You make him happy."

"Sometimes..." Sirius mumbled, covering his face with his hands. "I really didn't think about how stressful this could be when I agreed to do it."

"So then tell Moony you can't." Peter suggested quietly. Both James and Sirius stared at him, mouths agape and looking almost offended that he would even suggest it. Peter just shrugged at them. "If you really think you being there will only make things harder for Remus, don't go. He can deal with having a sick mum all on his own and you can brood and whine around Prongs' house all summer about how you weren't there for your Moony and 'ooooh what a horrible boyfriend I am!' and 'Moony deserves the whole world, I should jump off a cliff into a pit of inferi!'" Peter mimicked dramatically, throwing the back of his hand against his forehead and falling back onto the bed.

"I do not brood like that!" Insisted Sirius, folding his arms. James snorted beside him.

"You really do though- _ ow _ !" He winced as Sirius' elbow jabbed his ribs. Rubbing his injured side, James sighed. "Look, Sirius...Remus really needs you right now. I don't think he'd have suggested it if he didn't think it was what he needed in this situation. He wants you there. His mum is important to him,  _ you're _ important to him, and he's afraid there may not be another chance to do this. And I know you, Padfoot. You wouldn't want to be anywhere else but with him while he goes through this mess."

Sirius knew that James was right and he nodded. "Yeah..."

James grinned. "Excellent. It's settled then, you're off to meet Remus' parents." With another encouraging pat to Sirius' shoulder, James stood up. "Bloody good thing too, because I really can't deal with another trip home where you do nothing but brood over your barmy relationship."

Sirius threw a pillow at him.


	71. The Lupin Cottage - Summer 1977 - Part One

Remus hadn't said a word since they boarded the train. He stared straight out the window, watching the world rush by through heavily lidded, exhausted eyes. The others had given up trying to distract him, only receiving distant grunts and one worded, mumbled answers when they tried to talk to him. 

 Eventually there was a light clunk as his forehead hit the window and he began to snore lightly. 

James and Peter shot a worried look at Sirius, who sighed tiredly. "He didn't sleep much last night." 

 Very gently, Sirius took Remus by the shoulders to reposition him. Remus mumbled something, but he didn't open his eyes. "It's okay, Rem." said Sirius softly. "That just can't be comfortable. C'mere, love..." 

 Remus seemed to take the hint and he shifted so that he was lying across the seat with his head on Sirius' lap and Sirius' fingers began to thread through his curls. 

James stood and shrugged out of his robe, lying it over the werewolf.

"Thanks, mate." Sirius muttered and James smiled sadly in return. 

When the trolley witch came by, Peter stood before she could answer the door and he slipped outside to make his purchase so that no noise disturbed Remus. When he returned moments later, he had pockets full of sweets for all of them and had actually bought out the witch's entire stock of Honeyduke's best chocolate which he handed to Sirius to hold onto in case Remus woke up.

 "So what about you?" James said finally, keeping his voice low, as Sirius had threatened to punch anyone that woke his sleeping boyfriend. 

 "Hmm?" Sirius asked, quite distracted and tired himself, though all of his focus was on making sure Remus was taken care of. 

"How are you feeling?" Asked James. "Are you nervous?" 

 "Of course I am." Sirius said honestly. "I mean, I'd be nervous to meet my boyfriend's parents no matter what the circumstances, I suppose. But I've never cared enough about anyone in my family to understand what he must be going through...that's what really scares me. What if I can't help him?" 

 One of Remus' hands, which had been holding onto Sirius' for nearly the entire ride, squeezed gently. 

 "You are helping him, Pads." Said Peter. 

None of them spoke for a while. James and Peter were being as quiet as possible, Peter teaching James some muggle card game while Sirius just sat, watching Remus' brow furrow in his sleep and wishing there was more he could do to ease his boyfriend's nerves about the whole thing. 

 There was, Remus had told them, a chance that she could beat whatever this muggle illness was that would otherwise slowly and painfully kill her. Sirius was trying to keep him optimistic, but Remus didn't seem too convinced. 

 "I can't help but feel like it's my fault..." 

At first Sirius thought he had imagined the sleepy mumble from his lap, but he looked down to see Remus' eyes open and glassy. 

 "Your fault?" Said Peter with a frown as he took one of James' playing cards and added it to his own pile. "Moony, how could you possibly-?"

 Curling into a slightly tighter ball, Remus sighed. "I spent years telling people that I left every month to visit my sick mum when she was completely healthy." He licked his lips and squeezed his eyes shut. "It's like some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy or something. A jinx." 

 "Come on, Remus." James forced a smile that he meant to be reassuring and laughed a little. "You know all that 'prophecy' stuff is bullshit. You hate divination. It's a load of dung."

 Remus sat up with a soft uncomfortable groan as his joints cracked from the awkward position he was in. "I dunno," he ran a hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes, resting his face in his hands. "I'm starting to think maybe it's not as much rubbish as I thought. I mean look at the way my life has been. My parents literally named me 'wolf wolf' and look what happened. Everything is just one ironic coincidence after another, isn't it?"

 " _Remus_ ," Sirius warned sharply, his eyes fixed on the werewolf sternly. Remus continued to stare down at his lap until Sirius took his chin between two fingers and forced him to look at him instead. "This is not your fault. You know it's not. You can't keep taking responsibility for every bad thing that happens in life, it will destroy you." He smiled a little and stroked his thumb over a scar on the boy's cheek. "And I can't have you destroyed, Rem."

 "None of us can." James added. "And neither can your mum. She needs you to be strong, Moony. You are strong."

"You're a Gryffindor for a reason, mate." Said Peter. "And you've got to be brave. We've got your back when you need it."

 Remus took a deep, shuddering breath and Sirius slid his arm around him, pulling him close so that Remus' head dropped heavily onto his shoulder. Sirius kissed the top of his head. "You'll be alright Moons. You be strong for your mum. We'll be strong for you."

 They all ignored the soft sniffling sound coming from somewhere buried in Sirius' shoulder. Peter took a chocolate frog from his pocket, unwrapped it and held it out. After a moment Remus turned his head, his nose slightly red and eyes puffy and he smiled gratefully, accepting the candy. "Thanks Worm." He sat up a little, but remained firmly attached to Sirius' side as he bit the head off the frog. "Thank you." He said again, looking around at all of his friends. "All of you. I...I really couldn't have lucked out more than to have friends like you. Everything you've done for me over the years..."

 Sirius laughed and shook his head. "Now Remus, don't get cocky. We all take care of each other. So do you, every day."

After that, Remus seemed to make an attempt at cheering up. He asked Peter to deal him and Sirius both into the card game, much to Sirius' dismay as he couldn't seem to grasp the concept on the game.

 "But I don't understand, where's the fish? These are just cards!" 

When the train began to pull into Kings Cross, Sirius felt Remus' body go tense beside him and he gently squeezed his hand. They all stood and collected their things as other students rushed past their compartment and out onto the platform to greet their families. 

 The four of the stepped off the train, both James and Sirius had an arm around one of Remus' shoulders and Peter stood in front of the three of them, looking out for their families. 

 They found Euphemia first and they were all greeted with hugs and kisses to each of their cheeks. Sirius received an extra tight squeeze. 

 "You behave yourself, now." Euphemia warned with a smile. "And I'll see you back home in a week." 

 "Yes mum." Sirius muttered as his face turned red and the others snickered at him. 

 Euphemia reached into her bag and pulled out a box full of baked goods. "Remus dear, these are for your mum. Wish her well for me, alright love?"

 Remus nodded as he too was pulled into an extra hug. "Yes, thank you Mrs. Potter." 

Peter hugged both Remus and Sirius next. "My mum's waiting. 't forget to write, yeah?" 

 Sirius nodded, patting the shorter boy on the back. "Yeah, mate. Have a good summer." 

"Take care of him, Pads." 

 "I will."

With one last wave, Peter ran off into the crowd to find his mother. 

 James stuck with them until they finally spotted Lyall Lupin standing close to the barrier. Neither Remus nor Sirius moved, both seeming to be frozen on the spot. 

James gave them both a small shove. 

"You've got this." He whispered. "Gryffindor courage, lads. Fearless Marauders."

 Sirius' hand found Remus' and squeezed. "Ready?" 

 Remus took a deep breath, nodded and squeezed back. "Yeah." 

They said goodbye to James and walked together across the platform. 

 

Sirius, of course, had met Remus' father a handful of times. A quick hello at the platform before hurrying to get to their compartment before someone else tried to sit there or when he would drop Remus off at the Potters' for a few weeks over the summer holidays when they were younger, but he had never really met him. As the approached, Remus gave Sirius' hand one last squeeze before letting go and for a split second, Sirius forgot how to breathe. He wondered if Remus felt the same way. He tried to look out of the corner of his eye for his boyfriend's equally anxious expression, but then Remus' posture straightened up and his pace quickened as he moved to greet his father. 

 In almost a flash, Remus was hugging the older man, who patted him fondly on the back before pulling away, but not yet letting go, to take a look at his son, saying something that Sirius couldn't pick up over the buzz and chatter of the other families around them. 

 "It's good to see you too dad." He heard Remus respond and he could picture the forced smile on the werewolf's face. Remus looked over his shoulder at Sirius and jerked his head slightly to call him over. With a deep breath, Sirius threw his shoulders back and stepped forward. 

 "Dad," Said Remus. "You remember Sirius, right?" 

There was a flicker of something in Lyall Lupin's eyes that Sirius was very familiar with and he held his breath. "Black, right?" 

 Without skipping a beat, and trying to ignore the obvious wariness that Lyall had for his surname, Sirius put on his most charming smile and extended a hand, giving the man a firm handshake. "Yes, sir. It's nice to see you again." 

 The hesitation visibly left the man as he shook Sirius' hand and he smiled. "Very nice to see you as well, Sirius. Remus speaks very highly of you. I'm glad to have you with us." 

 Sirius' face felt warm and he could see Remus ducking his head to hide his own flush beside him. "Thanks for having me." 

"Right, well, we'd better be going. I wasn't sure if both of you were comfortable enough with your aparating just yet so I secured a portkey. There's a time limit on it of course." Mr. Lupin lead them through the barrier and past the crowds of muggles that were hurrying through Kings Cross Station. Remus and his father made small talk about grades and classes and plans for the following year and occasionally Remus would look up and meet Sirius' eye, offering a small, slightly uneasy smile. Sirius didn't say anything, he just watched the two men in front of him. Remus looked a great deal like his father. They had the same dusty auburn curls and tall, lanky build, though Lyall seemed more filled out and sturdy where Remus often looked underfed and sickly no matter how much food Sirius had witnessed the boy scarf down. Damn werewolf metabolism...they had the same strong jawline and their eyes were the same shape, but Lyall's were a deep, warm chocolate brown. Remus', of course, were like glowing embers, a bright amber color that one typically did not see on a human face. 

 The portkey was hidden behind a large parking garage. An old tire rim that Lyall picked up and the boys took hold of as well. 

 Sirius always hated portkey travel. He had only used it maybe four or five times as a child when the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black was expected to show up for the gatherings of the Sacred 28 families, almost always held in France where most of the families had their roots. Portkeys were the easiest way to travel long distances with moderately sized groups in fast manner, but it always left him feeling a little whiplashed and dizzy. He remembered getting sick once from the trip, when they had arrived at the home of his ancestors in Neuilly sur Seine, a wealthy Parisian suburb, where he was immediately screamed at in both English and French by his mother and his Great Great Aunt. 

 He shook the memory from his head and screwed his eyes shut as the familiar whirling sensation took over him. Almost before he could register what was happening, he felt his feet heavily hit the soft, springy grass and he tried to focus all of her energy on remaining standing and not making a fool of himself by stumbling over. He felt a gently hand on his shoulder and slowly released the breath he had been holding. 

 "You alright, love?" Remus mumbled, close to his ear and he nodded quickly. 

 "Yes." He choked out. "Fine, Moons. Just...never liked portkeys much." He smiled weakly and slowly opened his eyes.  They were standing on the freshly mowed front lawn of a small cottage. It was the sort of place that Sirius would have imagined being from a child's story book. A little white fence lined the perimeter of the property as well as a very well kept garden of flowers. Though the cottage was rather small itself, the property was rather large, with woods behind it and a decent distance from any neighboring homes.

 "This is where you live?" He asked, eyes wide and awestruck as he stood completely still.

 Remus chuckled nervously. "Er...yeah." He too looked around, as if he had never put too much thought into it, always just accepting it as his home. "I mean, I know it's not some giant mansion or anything like what you and James are use to but-"

 Sirius rolled his eyes and grinned, giving the werewolf a playful shove. "Come off it, Moons. It's great. It's very...you." 

 Remus' cheeks went pink and he rubbed his neck awkwardly. "Well...um...we should go inside then, I suppose?" His eyes flickered up to meet Sirius' and he licked his lips. "Ready?" His voice cracked and Sirius could see the mix of panic and anticipation in his eyes and he wondered if Remus could sense his as well. He nodded. 

 "Yeah. Are you?" 

"No." Remus sighed, but he laughed lightly and shrugged. "But we haven't got a choice, do we?" 

Sirius stole a quick look around to be sure that Remus' father was already inside the cottage and out of eyesight. When he was sure the coast was clear, he took Remus by the wrist and tugged him closer, standing just slightly on tip toe to brush their lips together. "We can do this." 

The first real smile Sirius had seen in days briefly crossed Remus' face and he nodded. Both grabbing their trunks, Remus lead the way through the front door of the cottage. 

 It was definitely much smaller than Grimmuald place or the Potter Estates, but  it was warm and bright from the large bay window in the front and it smelled like Remus all over, giving Sirius' stomach a sudden case of butterflies. 

 Following the taller boy down the hall, Sirius let his eyes wander. The walls were nearly covered in framed photographs, mostly of Remus and his parents but many of just Remus at all different ages, including one that also featured James, Peter and himself that must have been taken a the previous summer at the Potters. They were all in their swimming shorts, dripping wet and climbing all over each other. Sirius remembered that day.

 Then there was one of what Sirius assumed must have been Remus when he was a small child. It looked like Remus, anyway, but without the scars. Same curly hair, sweet but slightly mischievous smile...but something was different. 

 _Oh._ Sirius caught himself before he could audibly gasp. 

 Deep, rich, chocolate brown eyes were staring happily back at him, rather than the alarming glow of Amber or yellow that Sirius found himself so often lost in. 

 "That's from before." Remus' soft voice informed him, breaking him from his thoughts. He tore his eyes away from the photograph to look at Remus who looked a little apprehensive. "That's the last one they have of me as a...well, before I was bitten." 

Feeling a sharp stab to his chest as he watched the emotions on his boyfriend’s face as he stared at the photograph of the boy he had once been, carefree and happy and _human._ Sirius laughed.

“Merlin, you’re lucky. At least you look cute. You should see what The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black considers baby pictures. Creepy, stoic little dolls all dressed in the finest of wizarding wear. Lacy and frilly and…” He shuddered. “It’s absolutely barmy, mate. It’s no wonder we all grow up to be completely mad, eh?”  
Remus smiled and shook his head. “I think you’ve grown up just fine, Sirius.” Their eyes lingered lovingly on each other for another moment before Remus shook himself out of it and cleared his throat awkwardly. 

 "Right then...we'll have plenty of time to look at embarrassing pictures later, I'm sure. Come on." 

 They continued down the hall when a voice that was familiar to Sirius called out. 

 "Remus, love? Is that you?" 

Remus froze, looking at Sirius with terrified eyes and Sirius could practically hear his thoughts; _I'm not ready to face her. I'm not ready to see._

Sirius nodded encouragingly, placing his hand at the small of Remus' back and applying just enough pressure to get him to take another step forward. 

 "Y-yeah, mum." He cleared his throat. "It's me." 

 "I'm in the kitchen, _cariad_! Come and sit, I'm sure you're hungry!" 

 The voice sounded just as it had the night over the summer when Remus had let Sirius speak to his mother over the muggle telephone outside the pub in London. The soft Welsh lilt, smooth and almost musical.  She didn't sound weak and ill, nearly on her deathbed as Remus had worried and in turn had made the other Marauders  believe. Remus seemed to be thinking the same and Sirius could see some of his fears wash away, taking an almost literal weight off the boy's shoulders as they slumped down with relief. He took a deep breath and made his way to the kitchen with Sirius following close behind. 

 It was a very tiny, but very clean and orderly kitchen with large windows just like the front of the house that allowed the sunlight to pour in. 

 Mr. Lupin was already seated at the dining  table, reading the muggle paper, and he smiled at the boys as they entered. "Just leave your trunks there, lads. I'll send them up to Remus' room."

 "Oh," Remus gasped, as if he had only just remembered something. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wand quickly vanishing both his and Sirius' trunk at which his father's smile widened proudly. 

 "Merlin, I nearly forgot. Seventeen and doing magic outside of school." He shook his head. "Time flies, doesn't it?" 

"It certainly does." Said Hope, turning away from the oven so she was now facing the boys with a big smile. Remus' smile, Sirius notices immediately. Hope quickly crosses the room to wrap her arms around her son. All of the tension Remus' body had been holding released almost instantly as he tightly hugged his mother, hands fisting the back of her cotton dress. A good foot taller than Hope, Remus had to bend to comfortably hug her, burying his face in her neck and Sirius got the feeling he wasn't planning to let go for a long time. He felt a little like he was intruding on a very private moment and he decided to look away. 

 "Oh, _cariad bach_ , I can't believe you've gotten taller still!" Hope sighed, looking Remus up and down once he finally let her go. "I'd swear it must be whatever they're feeding you at that school, if you weren't so thin." She tutted and shook her head disapprovingly. 

 "Mum..." Remus groaned, blushing and nodding towards Sirius. Sirius had never officially met Remus' mother before. He had spoken to her that one time in the phone booth in London and he had seen a photograph that Remus kept in his trunk. She was a very pretty woman, and also very small compared to her husband and son who were both like beanstalks. She had mousy brown hair with flecks of starting to show that she kept in a loose braid down her back, and very kind greenish brown eyes.

 "Sorry, dear." She smiled apologetically at Sirius and he let out a nervous laugh. 

 "That's alright, Mrs. Lupin." 

Remus took a step toward Sirius, still holding his mother's arm. "M-mum...this is Sirius." Amber eyes locked on grey and Remus took a deep breath. "My boyfriend." 

 They both waited for the world to come crumbling down in a moment that could have been an entire lifetime. They waited for yelling, screaming or even just words of disappointment at the very least. But it never came. 

 Instead, Sirius found himself in an embrace that was incredibly strong for such a tiny woman, and once the shock wore off, he managed to hug back. 

 "It's so nice to finally meet you, Sirius." Said Mrs. Lupin. She kissed both of his cheeks before letting him go. "Now, go on and sit, both of you. You've had a long trip and dinner's nearly ready." Without another word she was back to work at the stove and Remus and Sirius exchanged stunned, relieved looks. 

 "Mum, d'you want me to help you with-" 

"Nonsense, ' _Mabi fi._ " Hope waved off her son's offer without looking back at him. "Sit, love." 

 Remus hesitated, looking at his father uncertainly. Lyall sighed and shook his head. "Sit, Remus." He insisted as he himself stood up, patting Remus' shoulder as he past him to go to help his wife.

 Remus slowly sunk down into the seat beside Sirius at the table, too many emotions all mixed together giving him a completely unreadable, wide-eyed expression. Bravely, Sirius took his hand under the table. 

 "Hey," He whispered, his thumb stroking over a scar that ran across Remus' knuckles. He got no reaction so he tried again. "Moony."

 This time Remus looked up and Sirius grinned at him. "You never told me your mum spoke welsh you prat." 

 Remus' eyes softened and he laughed quietly, nodding. "Yeah, well...she's Welsh, so I figured that would be obvious."

 "It's cute." Sirius said slyly, quirking an eyebrow at the other boy. "D'you speak it?" 

 Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. "No." he looked back down at his lap, fidgeting with the table cloth. Sirius bit his lip.

 "Hey," He hissed again. He had to keep Remus out of whatever dark place in his mind he kept drifting off to. Remus looked up again. Sirius glanced back at where Mr. And Mrs. Lupin were standing with their backs to them. "She seems like she's doing okay...maybe it's not as bad as you think, yeah?" 

Remus worried his bottom lip between his teeth. "She's lost a lot of weight...she looks..." he sighed. "It's hard to explain." 

 Sirius would have pressed on, but then Remus' parents were setting the food on the table and Mrs. Lupin gave them a knowing look.

 "What's all the whispering?" 

Sirius was sure that both of their faces would be permanently tinged red by the end of the night, let alone a whole week. Remus looked at Sirius, then from one parent to the other. 

 "This," He lifted his and Sirius' joined hands. "It...it doesn't bother you at all? That I'm...that Sirius is-?"

Both of his parents laughed, taking Remus and Sirius by surprise. 

 "Remus, we've known for quite some time that Sirius wasn't just your school friend." Said Lyall, thoroughly amused at his son's shocked and embarrassed look. "You talked about him enough over the last six years."

 " _Dad_!" Remus whined, mortified. He turned to Sirius. "I didn't talk about you that much. 't let it get to your head or anything." 

 Sirius chuckled. "Oh no, of course not." 

"Remus," Hope interjected in a softer, more serious tone. "You have been through so much, dear. All we want is for you to be happy. If you've found someone that loves you for who you are, the way your father and I do, that's all either of us could ever ask for." She smiled warmly at Sirius. "Thank you, Sirius. From what I've been made to understand by the things Remus has told me over the years, you seem to care a great deal for him. I can't tell you what that means to me. To both of us." She glanced at her husband who nodded in agreement. 

 It took a few seconds for Sirius to be able to form the exact words he wanted to say. Even living with the Potters for the last few years, he still wasn't use to seeing a family that cared so deeply for each other and it was a little overwhelming on top of the sensory overload his feelings for Remus typically gave him on a regular basis. "You...you don't have to thank me at all, Mrs. Lupin." His voice was much thicker than he thought it would be. He could feel Remus' eyes gazing at him and knew his boyfriend wasn't breathing, waiting for what he was going to say. "I'm sure I don't have to tell you how easy it is to love Remus. He's...he's the best person I know. He makes me want to be a better person for him...he actually has made me a better person." He swallowed past the lump in his throat. "I do care a great deal for him, and I'm the one that should be thankful that he feels that way about me as well." 

 He felt a little silly, having said all of that and he hoped Remus didn't sucker punch him later for being an embarrassing and ridiculous corny twat. He was glad James wasn't around to hear it, but it was the truth. 

 "Oh, for goodness sake, _cariad_ ," Said Hope, reaching across the table to swat at her son's shoulder. "Kiss the boy!" 

And Remus did.


	72. Ready - Summer 1977 Part 2*

Although the night had been slightly embarrassing for both Remus and Sirius, especially once sleeping arrangements were discussed ("You two live have been living in the same dorm room for six years, I think it would be a little too late to tell you he couldn't stay in your bedroom, Remus." " _ Dad _ !" "Well it isn't as if we need to worry about either of you becoming pregnant..." " _Mum_!" " You would really make your boyfriend sleep on the couch, Remus?" "... _Sirius, stay out of this_...") overall, neither of them could have hoped for better results as far as the overwhelming love and support they received from Remus' parents.

Exhaustion hit pretty quickly for both of them, brought on in equal parts by the traveling, an array of emotions and the delicious meal that Hope had served. Excusing themselves from the table, Remus lead Sirius down the hall to his bedroom. Like everything else in the cottage, the room was pretty small but oddly comfortable. The twin size bed was about the same size as the ones they had at school and was covered by what looked like a hand stitched quilt. There was a tall bookshelf that was completely full of both magic and muggle literature, some copies looking so old that pages were poking out here and there. There was a small table next to the bed with a lamp and two framed photos. One was another shot of all four of the marauders, lounging in the grass by the black lake at school. James had one arm over Sirius' shoulder and the other seemed to be holding the camera up at angle to get them all in the shot. Sirius himself was laughing at something James was saying, but every once in a while his eyes would flicker to Remus on his other side, smiling shyly as if he wasn't thrilled to be having his photo taken at all. Peter had sneezed at the exact moment the camera went off and he turned to beg James to retake it, but they never did.

The other was only Remus and Sirius. Remus was asleep on the sofa in the common room and Sirius was lying with his head on Remus' chest, flipping off whoever was taking the picture, which happened to be Marlene.

A chart of the moon phases was pinned up on the wall, along with several star charts which Remus seemed to have marked off. When Sirius got a closer look, he could see that his boyfriend was tracking where in the sky the constellation Canis Major and the Dog Star could be found throughout the year.

"It made me feel closer to you when I was home." Remus muttered with a timid smile as he caught Sirius looking. His arms wound around Sirius' waist, pulling him into a brief kiss. "Thank you again for coming with me, Pads. It means a lot to me."

Sirius rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Stop thanking me you prat. Where else do you think I'd rather be?"

Remus smiled and shrugged. "In your giant bedroom at the Potters', probably driving Euphemia insane with Prongs."

"Please," Sirius snorted. "I have the rest of the summer to remind mum why she loves sending James and I off every September. I love that I'm here with you."

Remus laughed, biting his bottom lip and resting his forehead against the shorter boy's. "I love that you're here too." He went to move in to kiss Sirius again, but was interrupted when his boyfriend failed to hold back a yawn.

"Ugh," Sirius groaned. "Sorry. Long bloody day."

"I know it." Sighed Remus. "I guess we'll get ready for bed, then?"

They unpacked some of their things and Remus showed Sirius to the bathroom so he could shower. Once that was settled he headed back down the hall towards his bedroom, but hesitated as he past the closed door of his parents' room.

He stared at the door for what felt like ages, debating. He lifted his hand several times as if to knock, but stopped himself.

_What am I so afraid of_? He thought irritably, and he finally rapped his knuckles gently on the door.

"Come in," His mother called softly, sounding far more tired than she had at dinner.

Swallowing thickly and taking a deep breath, Remus slowly pushed the door open. He felt quite like he had when he was a little kid and had had a nightmare, nervously shuffling into his parents room with fear tugging at his chest and trying to put on his bravest face.

Hope was lying on the bed, the record player playing some old familiar some as she read a book in her nightgown, one that she had owned for as long as Remus could remember. It was pale pink and very soft and Remus always loved the way it felt when she would pull him close and let him snuggle into the bed between her and his father. He wished he was still that small.

"Are you alright, love?" She asked as he stood frozen in the door way, staring at her. She looked so much smaller than he could ever remember. He had been taller than her since he was fourteen, but she looked frail. Her hair wasn't as vibrant as it use to be, he could tell now that she had freed it from its braid, and there were dark circles under her eyes which, ironically, made him look more like her than he did his father. "Remus?"

Remus shook himself from his thoughts and cleared his throat. "Sorry. I just...Long day." He looked around the room, anywhere but directly at her. Everything was the same as it had been since he was little. "Where's dad?"

"In his study." She sighed, smiling at him. "You know he can't read while I have my music playing. He'll be in soon enough." Her eyes studied him for a moment, brow wrinkling with concern. "Are you sure you're alright,  cariad ?"

Unable to find his voice, Remus just nodded stiffly and shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

"Come here,  Mabi fi. " Said his mother, pulling the blanket back and patting the spot on the bed beside her.

Without hesitation, Remus crossed the room in two quick strides and climbed into the bed, where Hope's arm wrapped around him and pulled him close as he curled against her with his face in her chest and he let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He felt her hand begin to stroke through his hair and she kissed the top of his head.

He squeezed his eyes shut and took several deep breathes, inhaling her scent and committing it to his memory; honeysuckle and ivory soap and  home .

"It's alright, love." She whispered softly.

He didn't want to say it, he told himself he wasn't suppose to because he had to be stronger than that, but it came out anyway;

"I'm scared, mum."

"Oh," She sighed. "My brave boy..."

 

**_ "I'm scared, mum." The four year old boy clung desperately to his mother's pale pink nightgown, tears staining the front of it while she stroked and kissed his hair. _ **

**_ "My brave boy," Hope sighed. She glanced up at the bedroom window where the nearly full moon hung in the sky, flooding the room with light and flooding their house with fear of the unknown. "You'll be alright, cariad. It'll be over before you know it. You're such a strong, brave boy, Remus." She rubbed his back in circles, trying to ease the violent sobbing of her terrified child. "Shhh, breathe, darling. Deep breaths. In," She took in a breath, coaching the boy to do the same. "And out. Very good, baby." _ **

**_ Remus sniffled and hiccuped for a few minutes before he looked up at her. After only a month since he had been bitten, it was still startling to see the glowing amber, though now they were nearly yellow with the full moon only a night away, where there use to be deep, chocolate brown. _ **

**_ "I c-can't...I d-don't want to go down there all by myself." He pleaded desperately. "P-please mum. Please don't leave me down there alone." _ **

**_ Her heart ached. What could she do? This was her only child, her baby, only weeks away from his fifth birthday and begging her not to lock him in basement of their home. It was for his own safety, and the safety of everyone around him. Lyall had gone to great lengths over the last month to make sure he did everything, both with and without magic, to secure the space enough to contain the child during his transformation into a wild, savage animal. _ **

**_ She contained the shudder that threatened to go through her body as she thought of her sweet, innocent little boy like that. Her child wasn't the monster the world would see him as, that he himself was already afraid he was. Instead she took a breath and wiped the tears off his cheeks with her thumb. _ **

**_ "Remus, you listen to me." She said firmly. "There are going to be times in your life where I won't be able to be where you are- ah!" She held up one finger and fixed him with a warning look as his eyes widened fearfully and he whimpered. "That's life, my love. But I promise you, Remus, I am always with you. Do you understand, darling?" _ **

**_ "Yes, mummy..." _ **

**_ "Good boy. Now don't be scared. Everything is going to be alright, and I will be there in the morning when you wake up." _ **

 

"Sirius is a very nice young man." Hope teased, making Remus' head snap up from where it had been buried in her chest. "And very handsome."

Remus felt his cheeks get warm and he laughed awkwardly. "Yeah, I know." He rolled his eyes. "Everyone knows. I don't know what he's doing with me."

Hope's eyebrows shot up, nearly disappearing into her hair. "Remus John Lupin, I may be a little biased but you are quite a looker yourself, you know."

Remus groaned. "Mum-"

"I'm sure Sirius agrees with me. Shall I call him in here and ask-?"

" _Mum!_ "

Hope laughed and kissed his forehead. "You should see how he looks at you, Remus." She smiled, stroking his hair away from his face. "That boy adores you, you know. You can feel it coming from him, can't you?"

Remus felt his heart skip and he stared at his mother who was looking at him in a way she never had before, like she was reading his mind and finding every single one of his insecurities and doubts. Everything that made him want to push Sirius away because of what he was, to let Sirius find someone else, someone better, someone  _ human _ . She could see it in him and she was telling him to let that go. He wasn't the monster he believed he was and she loved him, his father loved him,  _ Sirius _ loved him.

"Don't be scared, Remus."

He stayed in his parents' bed for a while after he heard the water in the bathroom stop running. He finally got up once his father came into the room and he said goodnight to both of his parents. He could feel his mother's eyes still on him as he left the room up until the moment he shut the door. For a muggle, Hope Lupin definitely had some amazing skills legilimency.

Lost in those thoughts, he nearly jumped when he entered his own bedroom and saw Sirius lying, shirtless of course, in his pajama pants on the bed.

Sirius chuckled and quirked an eyebrow at him. "Alright, Moons? You look like you've seen a boggart."

Remus blinked a few times, then laughed softly and nodded. "Yeah." He smiled. "Just weird to see you here, you know?" He carefully shut the door behind him and went to his dresser, pulling out a t shirt and sweatpants. There was a heavy feeling in the air that Remus couldn't place. It felt like a gravitational pull, almost the way he felt in the days leading to the full moon, like something was trying to claw its way out of him.

"Remus?"

"Hmm?" He didn't turn around to look at Sirius. His chest felt tight, he felt vulnerable and terrified of the raging storm of emotions that were gathering inside of him, threatening to escape.

"Remus, come here." Although Sirius' voice was gentle, it wasn't a request. He turned slowly and walked to the bed.

Sirius gazed up at him, his eyes full of concern, and he took Remus gently by the wrist, pulling him onto the bed. Just as he had done with his mother, Remus immediately curled against Sirius' chest. Unlike he had done with his mother, he didn't fight the tears from falling as he buried his face in his boyfriend's neck.

Sirius didn't say a word, ignoring the wetness against his skin and carding his fingers through Remus' hair.

Remus sighed, nuzzling against Sirius' pulse point where he could feel the scar he had put there back in October. Normally he avoided it. It usually made him cringe and recoil, reminding him that he was a monster and he had hurt the person he loved the most. It scared him.

_ Don't be scared _ .

He pressed his lips to it.

_ That boy loves you _ .

He kissed it again and again until he heard Sirius make a soft, almost canine whine and he tilted his head back, exposing more of his throat. Remus' tongue darted out, tracing over the mark and both of them shuddered. Sirius rolled onto his back, bringing Remus on top of him, still licking and kissing his neck.

Remus groped blindly around the bedside table until he found his wand and he pointed it at the door, casting both a silencing and locking spell and tossing the wand aside. He sat up and their eyes locked briefly, both silently understanding exactly what was happening and then Sirius was hurriedly pulling Remus' shirt off.

Their mouths crashed together in a hungry, desperate kiss as their hands roamed over each other's bodies. Remus rolled his hips down, feeling Sirius hot and hard beneath him and they both moaned. Then his mouth was back on Sirius' neck, tasting him there, feeling the flutter of his pulse on his lips and tongue while his hands found the waistband of his pajama bottoms and yanked them down as Sirius worked on unbuttoning his jeans and helped Remus out of them.

Sirius gasped when Remus' hand wrapped around him, stoking and squeezing with just the right pressure as one of Remus' knees slid between Sirius' thighs to spread his legs.

" Remus..."

He growled and nipped at Sirius' shoulder. He felt like every nerve in his body was on fire, the taste of Sirius' skin making him feel almost drunk with desire. He needed him so badly he was sure he would die if he stopped.

" _ Remus _ !"

The urgency in Sirius' voice was enough to make Remus pause, although reluctantly. He pulled away enough to look at his lover, to meet his eyes which were dark with lust but also holding a very serious question.

"Remus," Sirius emphasized his name.  _ His name. _ Not Moony's. One of Sirius' hands came up to cup his cheek, bringing him back down to earth for the moment. "Are you sure?"

Remus' breath was heavy and shaking. He licked his lips, staring down at the other boy. He had never wanted anything as badly as he wanted this right now.

He nodded. "I'm ready."

Sirius pushed himself up to press their lips together. "Then I'm yours."

_ Mine . _

With another low growl, Remus pinned Sirius back down to the bed, making the dark haired boy moan as his arms wrapped around Remus' back. Remus found his wand again to perform a lubricating spell, coating his fingers in cool, slick liquid before he brought his hand down between Sirius' legs.

It was hard to control himself as he felt the tight heat around his fingers. The urge to take them out and plunge inside and just  _ take _ was overwhelming, especially as Sirius moaned and sighed beneath him.

 _ Slowly _ . He reminded himself. This wasn't going to be the same as it usually was, and he had to stay in control.

They both moaned as Remus finally pushed in, sinking deep inside. He held still, his entire body shaking. He could feel the wolf in him trying to take over and he clenched his jaw.

_ You're getting what you want. _ He thought firmly.  _ But we're doing it my way _ _._

And suddenly he was at ease.

Sirius pulled him back down into a kiss, his tongue running over Remus' bottom lip until Remus opened his mouth to allow him inside.

Remus started slowly, but then Sirius' hips began to meet his, urging him to go faster. " More ..."

Remus dragged his lips along Sirius' jaw, feeling the scratchy stubble there, moving lower.

_ Do it . _

Again Sirius' head tilted back, offering, submitting. 

Remus let out a whine that turned into a half sob as his lips found Sirius' pulse point once again, fear starting to creep back up.

"It's okay, Remus..." He vaguely heard Sirius tell him. "You can do it...I love you, Remus."

"I love you Sirius."

He bit down.

Warm, coppery fluid filled his mouth and he felt Sirius' body go stiff under him, felt Sirius' nails dig into his back and heard him gasp and whimper.

_Stop. Stop. Stop_.

He was hurting him. He couldn't do this.

"I-it's okay, Remus." Sirius' voice cut through the panicking one in his head. "Don't stop. I love y- _ oh _ !"

There was a surge that went through Remus' body that he had never felt before and he was pretty sure Sirius had felt it too. He moaned against Sirius' throat, his hips thrusting faster as his entire body tingled and buzzed. He felt hot, and high and  _ whole  _ and he never wanted this feeling to go away. He reached between their bodies to stroke Sirius' erection as his released his neck, licking the blood from the wound there.

Every one of his senses was heightened as he felt pressure building inside him, as if he felt everything times two.

He  _ did _ feel everything times two.

They could feel each other in every particle of their bodies.

_ Mate . _

The wolf was howling inside him and for once it didn't terrify him. It felt right. And Sirius felt it too, he knew he did.

They both came with the most intense orgasm either of them had ever experienced and Remus' body gave up, drained, collapsing on top of Sirius.

They laid like that, tangled and sweating and panting and still buzzing all over.

"D-did you feel that?" Remus asked breathlessly.

"Fuck, Remus, you know I felt it."

They both laughed, turning their heads to look at each other, too tired to move much else. Remus' eyes lingered on the bite, dark and red against the pale, flawless skin. He smiled and lifted his hand to trace it with his finger tip.

"You're mine..." He whispered.

Sirius caught his wrist and brought his hand to hip lips to kiss it. "I've always been yours, Remus."


	73. Where loyalties lie - summer 1977

"It's refreshing to see young people so concerned with preserving our valued traditions. With what's being taught in that school...well, it's no wonder so many children have been brainwashed by that Muggle-loving old cod. You must be very very proud of Regulus."

  
"Yes," Said Walburga stiffly, the hand she had laid on her son's shoulder tightened a bit uncomfortably and Regulus suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe. That feeling was becoming more and more familiar to him.

"We are very proud. He's the youngest so far to have sworn his alliance to The Dark Lord's cause."

  
"A wise decision." Mr. Borgin smiled eerily at him and Regulus suppressed the urge to shudder. Out of the corner of his eye he could see his cousin Narcissa and her fiancé Lucius Malfoy along with Bellatrix, the Lestrange brothers and their usual crowd eyeing him expectantly. Normally not overly excited by their company, Regulus felt somewhat relieved to see them in comparison.

  
"Thank you, Sir." He said, nodding politely to Mr. Borgan before addressing both the man and his mother. "If you'll just excuse me." His mother gave his shoulder another slightly painful squeeze which he pulled away from hastily to meet his cousins and housemates.

  
His irritation must have shown on his face because Narcissa greeted him with a raised eyebrow.

  
"Well you're looking awfully unenthused to be here." She smirked a little. "Forgive the pun, but why the 'Sirius' face?"

  
Some of the others gave an amused snort and Bellatrix groaned.

  
Regulus rolled his eyes. "You know not to use that name in this house, 'Cissa. The walls may just come crumbling down if mother hears you."

  
"They may well crumble if she finds out that another young heir is doubting their place in this family." Lucius commented lightly, giving Regulus a significant look that made his chest feel tight. He shook the feeling off and stood a little straighter, throwing his shoulders back and lifting his chin confidently.

  
"No one's doubting anything Lucius, I assure you. I'm just not one for all of-" he gestured around the room at all of the guests. " _This_."

  
"Well, get used to it." Narcissa drawled, inspecting her perfectly manicured nails. "Especially once The Dark Lord rises to power, I expect we will be having more and more of these gatherings. As the head of one of the oldest and purest families on the Wizarding World, I'm sure you'll be the one appointed to hold them. It's our duty to make sure we maintain what our ancestors have built...and keep the filth out."

  
"And speaking of filth," Rosier's eyes narrowed, looking across the large ball room where Severus Snape had just entered, looking awkward and out of place in his shabbier robes. "You have to wonder what someone like him is doing here."

  
"Now Evan," Narcissa tutted softly. "He may be not be up to par, but he's quite the talent. I heard he sliced Potter's face up pretty bad with a spell he made himself. He holds the same ordeals that we do. We must welcome all of the support we can to help the Dark Lord's plans. He's loyal enough."

  
Bellatrix let out a high, sharp laugh. "Is he though? He followed that disgusting little mudblood Evans around for years."

  
"Keep your enemies closer, Bella." Said Narcissa simply.

  
Regulus bit his lip, watching Severus stand alone in the corner seeming lost.  
"Excuse me a moment." He muttered. He didn't wait for a response before leaving the group in the direction of the other boy.

  
-

  
Severus had made significant effort throughout his years at Hogwarts to hide his blood status. Surrounded by the elite of pureblood families and expected to join forces to rid their world of impurities, he didn't need anyone to know that he himself had a Muggle father. 

  
Although he never spoke of it out loud, in fact he rarely spoke much to his classmates at all, he knew that they still thought of him as beneath them all. He wasn't as wealthy as the rest, his robes were shabby and he was skinny and frail looking. He didn't fit in with his comrades, and that meant he had much more to prove. That was fine. He knew he had enough talent and power to fool them into accepting him.

  
However, the ancient house on Grimmuald Place did not seem as easily fooled. The air itself seemed to be thick with ancient, dark magic all throughout Number Twelve Grimmuald Place, and although Severus found it fascinating and enthralling, the house didn't seem to reciprocate the welcomed feelings towards a half blood like himself. Upon his arrival, the door knob nearly bit off his fingers and the carpet in the entrance hall tried to trip him as he slowly walked through, distracted by the angrily staring eyes of the disembodied House Elf heads that were mounted on the walls.

  
Some portraits sneered and turned their noses up at him when he passed, others rushed into other frames to whisper to each other, eyeing him suspiciously. He paid them no mind and kept his eyes straight ahead until he made it to the large double mahogany doors.

  
Never much of the socializing type, Severus' immediate thought was how much he didn't want to be here to begin with, but it didn't matter. The other's of his age all knew of his friendship with Lily Evans, and he knew that that made them wary of his intentions. He had to prove where his loyalties lied. That didn't mean he had to be the center of attention though, and he settled for taking station in an empty corner of the room to watch and listen.

  
"What are you doing here?"

  
Severus slowly turned to face Regulus Black. The younger boy was frowning at him, and though it was not the same glaring look of disdain his older brother normally regarded him with, Severus couldn't help but notice how very similar the two looked. They had the same exact piercing grey eyes and the same pitch black hair, although Regulus wore his short and his brother let his grow past his shoulders, no doubt trying to mimic some muggle rock star. However, Regulus' face was rounder and still more boyish than Sirius', even though they were only a year apart.

  
Severus shrugged at the question. "I'm here to show my support for the Dark Lord's cause, same as everyone else."  
Regulus rolled his eyes. "I know that. I meant what are you doing here, sulking around in a corner on your own?"

  
Severus' eyes narrowed. "Why do you care? Like I said, I'm here to support He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, not to pretend I actually enjoy being around the likes of..." He trailed off, letting his eyes settle of the small huddle of his classmates.

  
"I don't care what you do, personally." Said Regulus. "Only it does cause suspicion. You're known for sneaking about, gathering information for things that have nothing to do with you. Since you were friends with that Evans girl, no one is too sure where you stand already."

  
Severus sighed and nodded once. "Duly noted. Rest assured that regardless of whoever I have associated with, I'm fully committed to the cause. Besides, everyone knows I haven't been so much as acquaintances with Evans in well over a year." He added bitterly.

  
Regulus gave him a skeptical look, as if he wanted to say something, but then he seemed to think the better of it. "If you say so. I'm only letting you know what's being said about you."

  
"Well what about you?" Severus spat back. Regulus faltered for a moment, blinking at him with his mouth agape.

  
"W-what about me?"

  
"Shouldn't you be making your rounds, being flaunted by mummy and daddy?"

  
Regulus sighed and leaned against the wall beside Severus. "I'm really not into parties and...people."

  
Severus nodded. "Me either."

  
-

  
The night, like most of these ridiculous events his parents through, seemed to drag on for hours and Regulus found himself in one of those rare moments where he sincerely missed Sirius. Sirius would have slipped fizzing whizbees into the mulled wine and laughed as it exploded in their father's friend's faces. He would have taken one of the ancient swords off the wall and chopped the head off the grotesque roasted boar that was presented at dinner and replaced it with one of their mother's creepy old House Elf heads when no one was looking. He would have snuck Regulus out of this hellish gathering before Bellatrix approached later that night with the Lestrange brothers, Mulciber, Avery and Nott, smiling wickedly.

  
"Come on Regulus." His cousin grabbed him by the arm, looking like the cat that caught the canary. She looked over her shoulder and regarded Severus. "You too, Snape."

  
Severus and Regulus exchanged confused looks.

  
"Go? Go where?" Regulus asked, yanking his arm away from the girl.

  
Bellatrix pouted at him. "Aw, ickle Reggie, don't you trust your big cousin Bella?"

  
"Not particularly." Regulus frowned, taking a step back.

  
"We're bored." Mulciber cut in before Bellatrix could whine any further. "The gathering is starting to wind down anyway. Even Narcissa and Lucius have gone home..."

  
"So? Then leave, no ones keeping you here." Said Regulus, still not understanding.

  
"Reggie," Bellatrix's too-sweet voice sing songed close to his ear. "Tonight was suppose to be to prove our loyalties to The Dark Lord, wasn't it?"

  
"Yes..." Regulus said slowly. "And we all showed our faces. We all attended-"

  
"And what have we got to show for that?" Said Avery. "Nothing the Dark Lord would be proud of, that's for sure."

  
"...I don't understand..." Regulus said, barely more than a whisper. He didn't understand, but something was making the hairs on his arms stand on end.

  
"We're going out, Regulus." Bellatrix announced giddily, taking him once again by the arm and leading him out of the Ball room. "To London..." she giggled. "Muggle London."

  
Regulus pulled away again and glared at his cousin. "Are you mad? To do what?"

  
Bellatrix shrugged, toying with her wand idly. "Oh nothing detrimental...we only want to go and look around...get an idea of what we will be dealing with..."

  
Regulus shook his head. "No way. I'm not going. What if we get caugh-"

"I'll go." Severus spoke up suddenly.

Regulus stared at him in shock and the other boy gave an uncommitted shrug.  
Bellatrix squealed with glee and the others looked pleasantly surprised by Severus' sudden willingness to participate. Then all eyes were on Regulus.

  
Looking around the room, he saw both of his parents were deep in conversation with the types of people that use to give him nightmares as a child, aided by Sirius insistence that these eerily sinister old men were vampires that would hide beneath Regulus' bed in the middle of the night. With his cousin and classmates gone, he would probably be forced to mingle with people far worse than just Bellatrix and the others. He sighed.

  
"Fine." He conceded finally, much to his cousin's delight. "But if we get into any sort of trouble, Bella-"

  
"Lighten up, Black." Said Mulciber, waving him off impatiently. "Keep acting like a coward and you'll never survive what's coming."

The older boy pushed roughly past Regulus and headed for the door, followed by the rest of the group with Severus and Regulus taking up the tail end and both feeling uneasy.


	74. Dark Magic - Summer 1977

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guy!   
> Sorry for the delay in updates lately. With school heading towards graduation and the wedding approaching it's been a little difficult to find the time/creativity to get some of these chapters done the way I want them to be. Thank you so much for your patience! I will update as frequently as possible but I am grateful for all of you who have supported me through everything and not made me feel badly about my lack of attention to the fic. I promise I will not abandon it. It will be finished! I'm trying to get at least two updates a month if I can!

Since their first year at Hogwarts, before they discovered Remus' secret, before they were The Marauders and long before the two of them realized that they were in love with each other, Sirius had never liked being away from Remus.

At first he had chalked it up to the mystery and curiosity of where his strange roommate with the wild eyes kept disappearing to. When Remus would leave for days at a time, Sirius would spend hours wondering what he was doing and where he had gone to the point where James and Peter would hex his mouth zipped shut, tired of his obsessive chatter about it. After that it was worry. Before the discovery, Sirius was terrified that something - or more to the point, someone - was hurting his poor, sickly looking friend and he felt this dire need deep inside of him to protect him. Once he learned the truth, the worry remained. After all, it was someone that was hurting Remus. It was Remus himself. As the years went on and the four of them grew closer, much closer than any of them had ever imagined, it turned into something different entirely. They would all return to their respective homes for the holidays and, of course, Sirius missed his friends. He missed Peter's late night snack runs and his ability to make every dull moment more entertaining with the simplest of ideas. He missed obviously missed James. James was his brother and his other half. He missed plotting with him, sneaking out to the Quidditch pitch in the middle of the night to practice dangerous tricks on their brooms when there was no one around to tell them not to. He missed lying awake until four in the morning discussing completely absurd topics like whether or not garden gnomes lived in family units...did they fall in love and marry other gnomes? Did they decide they wanted to start a family and find their own garden to inhabit? Or which creature they thought had the largest genitalia ("Giants, I expect. Or dragons." James would insist, staring up at the canopy of his bed, deep in thought.

"I bet it's werewolves." Sirius whispered back from his own bed. "We can ask Moony! Pssst, Hey Moony, how big is your-?"

" _Go. To. Sleep. Sirius_." Came the grumbled reply from Remus' bed.

James snickered "See? It's got to be giants."

  
Sirius shook his head. "Werewolves, mate. Our ickle Moonikins is just too modest to- _OW_! You prat!" He was silenced by Remus' pillow being thrown at his head.)

But he the way he missed Remus was always different. Thinking about him made Sirius' chest ache and his stomach would tie up in knots. He'd lie awake at night trying to remember the precise color of the werewolf's eyes. He'd fall asleep replaying every time he heard Remus Lupin laugh in his head.

  
Once they became a couple, it all made complete sense. Sirius would spend the first few weeks of summer pining dramatically over how much he missed his beloved Moony and driving James nearly insane until Remus would finally arrive to stay with them for a few weeks.  
But this...

  
This was far worse.

  
And they weren't even apart yet.

  
"Hate to leave you..." Sirius' voice was muffled as he kissed his way back up Remus' stomach. "I can't stand the thought of you alone for the full moon."

  
Remus' fingers stroked lazily through Sirius' hair as he lay back on the bed, trying to distract himself from the aching in his bones with the way Sirius' mouth and hands felt on him.

"I know, Pads. I'm not exactly thrilled about being locked up alone in the basement either,"

Sirius made a distressed sort of sound into the crook of Remus' neck and Remus sighed. "You know you can't stay, Sirius. My parents can't know that you're an animagus and if you stay and you're not able to be with me..." He shuddered. "I think it will be worse for both of us...Knowing you're so close but not having you beside me. You understand, don't you?"

  
Sirius nodded. He did understand. He knew that that would indeed be far worse for them both. He still didn't like it.  
Remus kissed the top of his head, nuzzling his hair and inhaling the scent of his mate. "I'll be at James' in three more days. No time at all."

  
"Feels like a lifetime." Sirius sulked.

Remus nodded. It really did. "I know."

When the time came for Sirius to leave the Lupin Cottage later that afternoon, the two of them stood, locked in a tight embrace in front of the fireplace for what felt like an eternity. It was as if they couldn't let go of each other or they would have the very life sucked right out of them. Eventually they did, and to no surprise they survived it, and with one final kiss goodbye, Sirius floo'd back to the Potters'.

  
James noticed right away that there was something off when Sirius returned home.

  
"Everything's alright, isn't it?" He asked as they laid out in the grass behind the house, throwing a Quaffle back and forth. "I mean...Moony's mum...she didn't-"

  
"No! Merlin, no, of course not." Sirius assured him quickly. He ran a hand through his hair anxiously. "I just hate leaving him alone during the moon, you know?"

  
James raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing that that was the only thing troubling his best friend about being away from Remus. "And..?" He threw the quaffle back to Sirius, who caught it with one hand. "He's alone every moon during the summer."

  
"And it always bothers me."

  
"You seem more than bothered."  
Sirius groaned and tossed the ball back to James with a little more force. "If you don't stop being so nosy, I'm going to start calling you Snivellus."

" _Yikes_ , low blow Pads. Sorry I asked."

  
Sirius sighed and sat up, shaking the grass out of his hair. "Everything went great. More than great, really..." He smiled a little. "His parents were really cool about us. they like me, I think-"

  
"Strange."

  
"Shut up." Sirius rolled his eyes, reaching into the pocket of his shorts for his cigarettes. "Moony got to have some quality time with his mum and...we did it."

  
James snorted. "You 'did it'? What are you a thirteen year old girl? You and moony have been 'doing it' for two years, mate. That's not news."

  
Sirius didn't answer. He had always talked to James about things between him and Remus, even if sometimes James insisted he really didn't want to know about their overly active sex life. This seemed different though. It seemed more personal and intimate between just the two of them.

  
James watched closely as Sirius lit his cigarette and inhaled deeply. Suddenly realization hit and his eyes went wide.

"You mean 'IT'? Moony finally caved?"

  
Sirius scoffed. "He did not 'cave', you twat. It just...the time was right, that's all." He rubbed the spot on his neck where a silvery pink scar had started to form. The corner of his lip twitches upwards, memories from that night rushing back into his head.

  
James laughing loudly broke him from his thoughts and he glared at his friend.

  
"What the hell, Potter!" Sirius picked up the forgotten quaffle and chucked it at James' head, narrowly missing as James ducked and rolled out of the way.

  
 "So, what, like now you and Remus are like werewolf married?"

  
"You're an idiot." Sirius muttered, shaking his head. "We aren't married! We're just...it's..." He groaned and rubbed his temples. "I can't explain it, alright? It's this crazy strong bond we have now and it's important and meaningful and it would be nice if our best mate could just support us."

  
 James wiped a tear from his eye, still laughing lightly. "I do support you. I always have. I think what you two have got is something really special and I'm happy for you both."

  
"Thank you." Sirius raised his head a little higher, prouder.

  
 James smirked. "Doesn't mean I won't be calling you Moony's wife."

  
"This is why you can't get a girl to sleep with you, you prat." Grumbled Sirius irritably, taking a drag off of his cigarette. James sighed and rolled onto his stomach in the grass, moving closer.

 "So it sucks more to be away from him, that's what you're saying."

  
Sirius shrugged. "More or less. I can feel it, you know? Like something's missing."

 James nodded understandingly before rising up onto his knees and plucking the cigarette from Sirius' lips and taking a puff of it himself. "Lets go out."

  
Sirius glared at him for a moment. "Out where?"

  
"I dunno. Out. I'm bored sitting around here every night and you need a good distraction or you'll be staring out your window at the moon, all brooding and pathetic." He smirked and ran a hand through his hair, missing it up and causing some stray blades of grass to fall. "Lets go into London. Get drunk. Manage some mischief." He stood up and ruffled Sirius' hair until Sirius swatted his hand away. He was grinning though, so that was an improvement.

  
"Yeah, alright, fine." Sirius agreed, also getting to his feet and brushing the grass off his knees. "Maybe we can finally get you laid."

 "You're an arse."

"You're a virgin."

  
-

  
"Look at them," Hissed Bellatrix, sounding somewhere between disgusted and fascinated. "Filthy creatures, all of them."

  
Regulus frowned and peered out from where they were standing in a dark ally, hidden from the sight of the passing Muggles. Regulus had never really seen real Muggles before, and he was sure his cousin hadn't either, but he had to admit that they didn't look any different than any Wizard he had ever met. He dared not say anything, though.

  
"This is stupid." Muttered Severus, beside him. The other boy was leaning against the dirty bricks of the wall with his arms folded and looking completely unamused.

  
 Bellatrix whipped her head around so quickly that the good of her robes dropped and her wild curls nearly took out Rudolphus' eye and she glared sharply at Severus. " _Stupid_?" She challenged.

  
 Severus wasn't fazed. He shrugged. "Standing around gawking at Muggles like animals at the zoo may be thrilling to you, Black, but this hardly seems productive."

  
Bellatrix growled and narrowed her eyes angrily. "The Dark Lord-!"

  
"The Dark Lord wouldn't be impressed by you lurking in the shadows and watching, too afraid to even step out into the streets." Severus interrupted and the others mumbled quietly in agreement. Severus pushed himself off the wall. "I've got better things to do than sit here all night. I'm leaving." His eyes landed on Regulus, raising one eyebrow in a silent inquiry as to if the younger boy would be joining him.

 Regulus licked his lips nervously. He was about to concede and follow Severus back to Diagonal Ally when Bellatrix made a frustrated whining sound and stomped her foot.

  
"I'm not afraid!" She insisted, making Severus stop in his tracks and face her once again, this time with a hint more interest. Without another word Bellatrix took a step backwards, out of the darkness of the alleyway and into the light of the street lamp on the sidewalk. None of the passing Muggles paid her any mind, though every time one would walk by her, Regulus noticed she would flinch just a little as if she thought they may attack out of nowhere. After a few moments she gave Severus and the rest of them a smug smirk.

  
 "Well? Aren't the rest of you coming?" She asked, holding her head high and proud.

Rudolphus and Rabstian exchanged a quick look before they too stepped out of the alley, and Mulciber and Avery followed them without hesitation.  
Regulus stood still, chewing his bottom lip under the expectant gaze of his cousin.

" _Well_?" Said Bellatrix again. 

  
Severus glanced down at him. "We could still leave, you know...we don't have to go with them."

  
Regulus considered it. Severus was right, no one was forcing him to be here. He could turn back and go home and let his cousin and housemates do whatever it was they planned to do without him. However, the idea of Bellatrix roaming around London make his stomach clench for some reason. What if something happened? Whether he was fond of the girl or not, she was his cousin and after all he was supposed to be the head of this family some day. He had to make sure she stayed out of harm, didn't he?

  
Sighing heavily, he gave Severus an apologetic look before he too stepped out onto the sidewalk. Bellatrix cackled gleefully and clapped her hands together.

"Looks like you're on your own, Severus!" She grabbed her hood and pulled it back up over her head. "Let's go." And she spun on her heel and started to walk into the crowds of Muggles, followed closely by the others.

Regulus only hesitated for a second, but it was enough to see the look of defeat on Severus' face before he too left the alley and joined the rest of the group.

  
-

  
By the time Sirius and James got to the second bar of the evening, they already had a decent buzz going. James had been right of course, getting out of the house and trying to have a good time was much better than simply sitting at home and worrying about Remus' transformation, a thought that Sirius was trying to keep in the back of his mind so he could enjoy the night out.

  
"Next round's on me." He grinned as he and James both set their empty beers down on the bar.

  
James snorted. "Should be all rounds on you, mate. What with all that money you've still got lying around and no idea what to do with it."

  
Sirius barked a laugh and elbowed his friend in the rib. "Right, like you aren't sitting on a mountain of gold in your inheritance as well."

  
"Ah, but Messer Padfoot, I have yet to inherit." James smirked. "You've got it all right under your fingertips and absolutely no idea how to use it all. You'll probably end up wasting it all on one of those silly Muggle brooms you're always ogling at-"

  
 "Motorbikes, James." Sirius corrected, rolling his eyes. "And for your information, I've got some other ideas as well, thank you." He threw down the Muggle money Remus had helped him exchange at the start of the summer and handed James his beer. James took a swig of it and raised an eyebrow, asking him to continue.

 Sirius fiddled for a moment with the neck of his bottle. He had had this idea for quite some time, but he hadn't thought it through fully and he wasn't sure exactly how to bring it up to any of his friends. "What were your plans for after school, Prongs?"

James frowned at him, looking confused as he straightened his glasses on his nose. "What d'you mean? I thought we were both going into the Auror academy together? You haven't changed your mind, have yo-?"

Sirius shook his head quickly. "No, no, that's not what I meant. I mean like...d'you reckon you'll just keep living with mum and dad for a while or...I dunno...fly the nest?"

 James shrugged. "I haven't thought about it, I guess. Why? What were you thinking of doing?"

  
"I don't think there's much choice for me, Prongs. I can't just keep living with your parents-"

  
"Sirius, don't be ridiculous-"

"I _can't_ , James." Sirius sighed. Then he smiled and forced a laugh. "I don't think I'd want to continue living back at home anyway. I mean, we're adults aren't we? I was thinking maybe I'd take some of that money and put it down on a flat. Y'know, for all of us. Like Gryffindor Common Room Part Two."

 James snickered. "You're such an adult that you want to keep sharing a living space with your school roommates."

Sirius frowned and shoved him. "Prat. Fine, if you want to be that way, you're uninvited. It'll only be me, Moony and Pete and you'll be jealous of all the fun we have in our super cool flat while you're still living in your childhood bedroom well into your thirties."

 James continued to laugh into his beer as he took another sip. "Alright, alright. You're right, Pads. It would be nice for us all to stay together. Especially if you're paying for most of it." He winked and Sirius rolled his eyes again. "Besides," James continued. "I couldn't leave poor Pete alone with you two mutts shagging like fiends all the time. Hardly fair."

 Sirius felt heat rise in his cheeks but he grinned. "Probably." He hadn't even thought of that part. Living in his own flat where he and Remus could have their own room- _Theirs_ \- to be able to lock the other marauders out of whenever the need arose. He liked the sound of that...

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of giggling girls and he looked up to see that indeed, two of them were standing beside him, batting their eyelashes at him. He smirked. "Hello ladies."

"Hi." Said one of them, looking up through lashes coated with thick mascara and flipping her blonde curls over her shoulder. "I'm Madison, this is Delilah." She nodded to her shorter, brunette friend.

 "You're cute." Delilah blurted out between giggles.

Sirius flashed them a winning smile and they both squealed. "I'm Sirius."

 "We've never seen you 'round before." Madison observed, eyeing him hopefully.

Sirius shrugged. "Oh, we're not from around here." He lied easily, watching their eyes light up even more. He chuckled, it would be rather cruel to lead the girls on. "Sorry girls, I'm not on the market."

Madison sighed. "Figures. All the cute ones are always taken or gay."

 Sirius nodded gravely. "Seems so. And what rotten luck, as I happen to be both." He smirked.

"Told you!" Delilah exclaimed, smacking her friend on the arm.

"However," Sirius continued, reaching behind himself to grab James' wrist and pulling him over so quickly the other boy nearly tripped. "My best mate James happens to be quite single and very heterosexual. Right, Jamie?"

 James blinked at him for a second, gaping like a fish out of water before he shook himself off and plastered a grin onto his own face, extending a hand to the girls. "Too right, Sirius. Hi girls, James Potter."

  
-

  
Several hours later they were stumbling out of the bar.  
"I still think you could have gotten into that Maddison bird's knickers, mate." Sirius sighed as they began to walk down the street.

James snorted. "Would have beeb a bit rude to ditch her friend, wouldn't it?"

Sirius shrugged. "You probably could have gotten them both. How's that for your first time?" He winked and James shook his head.

 "You're such a dog, Sirius."

" _Staggering_ deduction, Prongs."

Then suddenly there was a loud **_BANG_**! And light flashed across the sky. The muggles, as well as James and Sirius, stopped walking abruptly and looked around. Some were muttering quietly about lighting or some sort of electrical explosion.

Sirius felt the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck stand on end and he glanced sideways at James, meeting his eyes and knowing that he felt it as well.

 _Magic_.

  
_Dark Magic._


	75. Dark Magic Part 2 - Summer 1977

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sincerest apologies yet again for the delay! I do promise to be more frequent with my updates once I graduate from school in July. I've just been so focused on school work and wedding plans and life that this has sort of taken a bit of a backseat for the moment. I'm updating as much as I can though and hopefully once I'm done with the next chapter or two I can get back into a flow. These haven't been the easiest to write since they are quite different from the rest of the fic.   
> I also apologize, this chapter is a little short. It turns out I am not very good at writing action scenes and I ended up cutting a whole chunk f it out because it was just....abysmal...haha. Just stay with me, folks! I have BIG plans for the future with this fic. We're just at a bit of an awkward spot in the timeline.

Bellatrix had taken Severus' challenge to heart, it seemed. She lead their little group, weaving in and out of the crowds of Muggles so quickly that Regulus found it hard to keep up.

 "What is she even planning to do?" Severus hissed breathlessly beside him. 

"Knowing Bella, I doubt she has a plan at all." Said Regulus irritably. "You shouldn't have patronized her."

 "I honestly thought she would give up, not rush off into the streets to do Salazar knows what!"

Regulus shook his head, narrowly avoiding running directly into an older gentleman in a business suit head on. "Blacks don't give up, Severus."

 At the next corner, Bellatrix made a sharp left and then a right and another left. 

"Do you even know where you're going?" Asked Mulciber with an annoyed growl. "I'm really not in the mood to get lost."

"Of course she doesn't know where she's going!" Avery snapped. "She's just dragging us around aimlessly. She hasn't got a plan or anything!"

 Bellatrix spun around to face all of them and even under her dark hood they could see her piercing silver glare. At both of her sides stood the Lestrange brothers as if they were her body guards, arms folded over their chests. Bellatrix was reaching for her wand and Regulus, deciding it was time to take charge or watch his cousin start a duel with Avery in the middle of a crowded street, stepped forward and grabbed her by the wrist. 

 "Bella, stop!" Before his cousin could argue, Regulus pulled her forcefully into another deserted alley between two buildings. "We get it, alright? We let you have your little adventure but I think it's time to call it a night before-"

 "Excuse me," a raspy voice interrupted from somewhere in the shadows. It was so dark that Regulus couldn't see who the voice had belonged to, but suddenly Bellatrix shrieked and twisted herself out of Regulus' grasp. 

 There was a man there, old and decrepit and utterly filthy, who had crawled out from somewhere and was clutching the bottom of Bellatrix' dress robe. 

 "Excuse me miss," The begger wheezed again. "Do you have any spare change?"

Bellatrix's eyes widened in horror and disgust and she yanked her robe out of the man's grimy fingers.

 "FILTHY MUGGLE!" She spat, whipping her wand out in front of her to point it at the man. "How dare you speak to me!"

 Regulus went to make a grab for her arm again but she shoved him away with her free hand and he stumbled back against the brick wall. "You see!" Bellatrix said lecherously as she kicked her foot out and sent the man flying backwards into a heap on the floor. "You see what a stain the muggle race is! The Dark Lord is going to rid the earth of scum like this!" 

 The others had all come around the corner to see what the commotion was about and the man on the ground was slowly trying to pick himself up. 

 "Please," he choked out. "I'm sorry, miss! I just-"

 "Silence!" Bellatrix shouted. Regulus tried to call her name again but she didn't seem to hear him, and if she did she didn't care. There was something terrifying in her eyes. Terrifying, but somewhat familiar that Regulus could not quite place until, with a sickening smile and a twist of her wand, she cried _"Crucio_!"   

 The old man let out a howling scream of pain and fell back to the floor where his body writhed and twitches in agony. Regulus heard the others gasp, but no one dared to move to stop her. Regulus found that he himself could not move. He was fixated on the man's eyes, which were staring right at him, wide and fearful and seemingly pleading with him to make it stop. Say something. Do something. 

**_"Do you know what the cruciatus curse feels like, Reggie?" Sirius asked._ **

**_"You stood there, Regulus." His fists clenched so hard his knuckles cracked. "You stood there and watched our father hit me." He took another step and Regulus was backed up against the stone wall. "You watched our bat shit, crazy mother use an illegal unforgivable curse on me. You saw me, on the ground in_ pain, _" Sirius' hand shot up and held his brother against the wall by his throat. "And you did nothing."_**

What was he supposed to do?

_**"What was I suppose to do, Sirius!" Regulus yelled, still up against the wall even without Sirius holding him there.** _

_**Sirius barked with laughter. "What were you suppose to do? Anything! You could have said something!** _ **Done** _**something! It may not have made a difference but at least you would have tried!"** _

"BELLATRIX!" Regulus shouted again. He took a step forward, reaching out to her, but before his hand could grab onto her sleeve he heard her shriek " _AVADA KEDAVRA_!" Followed by a loud cracking sound and a blinding green light. 

Then everything was silent and still. No one said a word or moved a muscle, all staring in shock at the crazed looking girl before them who was breathing so heavily her shoulders heaved and the lifeless lump on the ground that was the old begger. 

"Bellatrix..." Regulus' voice shook. "What have you done!"

In the distance he could hear the voices of muggles in the street, confused and frightened at what that sound and that flash had been. People were running towards them. He finally wrapped his hand around Bellatrix's wrist. "We have to get out of here!" 

-

James and Sirius pushed their way through the crowds of panicked muggles, all of whom were chattering on about electrical fires and dangerous power lines. 

"You don't think it's him, do you?" James asked as they ran in the direction from which the explosion had come from. "Voldemort?"

"No." Sirius shook his head, though he wasn't completely convinced. "But I reckon it's some of his loony followers, out to make themselves known."

_"Shit!"_ James stopped short and grabbed the sleeve of Sirius' jacket. "Look! There!" He pointed off in the distance. A group of hooded figures were huddled in the dark shadows of an alley. 

In a fluid, identical movement, both James and Sirius reached into their back pockets and whipped out their wands, charging forward. 

 " _EXPELLIARMUS_!" They both shouted, but it was too late and the whole group of them had apparated away. 

"Fuck!" Sirius swore. He kicked the brick wall and ran a hand through his hair. "We could have had 'em! Imagine? We could have been given bloody Order Of Merlin First Class, graduated Hogwarts early and become Aurors on the spot!" He laughed, but James didn't respond. "Prongs?" He turned around and saw James standing off to the side, facing away from him and staring at something on ground. "Oy, Prongsy, you alright?" 

 "Merlin..." James breathed out. Sirius frowned and walked up behind him. He looked at the lump at the ground that James seemed to be fixated on. His breath caught for a moment. 

"Is...d'you think he's...?" Sirius asked warily. James nodded.

The body looked as though life had been sucked right out. Sirius shuddered, he'd never seen a dead body before. 

There was another loud _CRACK_ and both James and Sirius jumped, turning around with their wands ready. 

 "You two!" Barked a strongly built man in Auror robes who had his own wand pointed at them. "Drop your wands! You're both under arrest!" 

 Both James and Sirius immediately dropped their wands to the ground and held their hands up. 

 "It wasn't us!" Said James. "It was some gang all in hoods. We were coming after them!" 

 "State your names." The Auror ordered. 

"Potter." James answered quickly, holding his head up a little higher to hide the fact that he was actually quite terrified. "James Potter." 

Sirius hesitated with his own name. Something told him the name Black would leave him sounding anything but innocent. Both the Auror and James were looking at him expectantly. 

 "Sirius Black." A more familiar, gruff voice answered for him. There was a soft clunk clunk clunk on the pavement and Madeye Moody appeared beside the Auror. "And James Potter. They're Fleamont's boys, Falco. Lower your wand." 

Both James and Sirius let out the breath they had been holding as Moody slowly limped towards them, his magical eye surveying them so intensely that Sirius thought it must surely be reading their minds. 

 "Did you boys see who did this?" 

They both shook their heads. 

"No, Sir." Said James. 

 "They had their hoods up." Sirius added. "We saw the light flash and we ran to see what happened. We got here just as they disapparated."

"Hmmm..." Moody grumbled, still staring them both down. He flicked his wand and both of theirs flew off the ground into his hand. He held them out to them. 

 "Off with both of you." He said as they took their respective wands. "And don't let me see either of you trying to play hero again, understood?"

"Yes sir." Both boys answered quickly.

"Please don't tell my dad." James added quickly. Sirius kicked him in the shin. Moody chuckled deeply.

"Go home, Potter. Now."


	76. My Son - Summer 1977

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another chapter totally inspired by Tumblr's @Asktheboywholived. TT needs to stop being so amazing at life....anyway, yes. TT's version of the relationship between Greyback and Remus is clearly reflected in this chapter.
> 
> ALSO!
> 
> A HUUUUGE Thank You to everyone who voted for this fic in the Mischief Managed Awards!!! I've never won anything before and I am so grateful!!!!

It was very early. Early enough that the moon had set, but the sun had not yet risen. Not that Remus would have known, being asleep on the hard ground of the cellar beneath his family home where there were no windows. A cool breeze wafted through and caused Remus to shiver and he woke up, startled. 

 There were no windows...

The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end as he pushed himself up onto his elbows with some difficulty and looked around the dark, empty space. Something didn't feel right. He felt like he was being watched, but it was too early for his parents to come down to get him. His heart leapt into his throat as his eyes came to rest on the heavy iron cellar doors that lead to the back yard. They were wide open. 

Had he somehow managed to open them himself during the night? 

Did he get out?

Had he done something terrible? 

A million horrified thoughts raced through Remus' head as he tried to recall anything from the previous night's transformation. Gathering his strength he made a move to stand up.

 "Ah ah ah, careful little one." A low, growling voice made Remus freeze mid-motion. He felt goosebumps rise over his skin and his heart sped up. 

"Wh-who's there?" He asked, wishing his voice didn't sound so hoarse and weak. His wand was way across the room, locked away so that Moony wouldn't decide to use it as a chew toy during the night. A dark figure emerged from the shadows. All Remus could see was a silhouette and two glowing yellow eyes moving towards him. He opened his mouth to yell for his parents- 

 "Shhhh." The shadowy figure hushed. "It wouldn't do to scream, little one. Sound proof down here, isn't it? I imagine Lyall would take every possible precaution to make sure no one ever heard a whimper or howl from his pup." 

"Who are you?" Remus asked again, this time with a growl of his own. "What are you doing here?" 

 Who ever it was clicked their tongue in disappointment. "Remus, I'm surprised at you. I'd have thought Lyall would have taught you better manners. This is no way for you to greet your father." 

_Father?_

"Although I suppose it's not all that surprising at all. Wolves aren't meant to be raised by humans, are they?"

Remus barely saw the figure move before suddenly he was there, right in front of him, so close their noses were almost touching. He was a man, but like no other Remus had ever seen. He was dark and filthy with a gash cutting clean across his face and he smelled so strongly of blood it made Remus feel dizzy. Clearly a werewolf, the man looked as if he were more animal than human. As if his wolf traits had began to mesh with his human ones almost seamlessly. A whimper escaped Remus' throat and the man chuckled.

 "Don't be scared, little one," He grinned widely and Remus could see that even his teeth were sharp and wolf like, regardless of the moon's absence in the sky. "I only came by to see my son. Check on you. Make sure Lyall hasn't had you put down like the animal his world thinks you are." 

"I'm not your son." Said Remus, trying his best to keep his voice from shaking.

The man laughed darkly and Remus couldn't help the shiver that crept through his body. "Oh but you are, little one." He took a step back and his wild eyes slowly took Remus in, making him recoil slightly. "I'll be seeing you again, Remus Lupin." And just as quickly as he had appeared in front of him, he turned and fled leaving Remus confused and alone in the dark basement with the cellar door still wide open.

-

Remus was silent as he sat beside his father who was tending to his latest injuries. A million questions that he had never thought to ask before were flooding his mind. He had never bothered to wonder about the circumstances of his condition, believing that it had been a freak incident. A rogue wolf had broken in through his window as a child and attacked without motive. Werewolves, he knew from experience, had no control over themselves during the full moon, so they couldn't possibly target a specific victim by their own free will, could they? And if they somehow could, why would one of them hunt down an innocent five year old child? Why would someone have wanted to hurt him that way? Clearly the werewolf who had come to him last night knew who he was and knew his father.

  
"Dad?"

  
"Hmm?" His father didn't look up from where he had tapped his wand on Remus' arm, healing a moderately deep scratch that would definitely leave a new scar. "Are you alright? You didn't break anything-"

  
"No." Remus shook his head. "I just..." he trailed off, eyes wandering back to the now closed and locked door that had been opened when he woke up. "What...what _happened_?"

Lyall frowned, confusion etching his tired face as he looked questioningly at his son.

  
Remus licked his lips nervously. "The night I was...the night I was bitten. What happened? Why did...why me?" He hated himself for sounding so small, and even more so when the look on his father's face flashed with fear.

  
"R-Remus, I- why? Why would you think-? It was just-"

  
"I wasn't just roaming around the woods at night and stumbled upon some monster, Dad. I was asleep in my bed. Werewolves don't just appear in a child's bedroom, I-" He sighed, running his free hand through his hair. "I don't know. It seems...what happened to me? You know. I know you do."

"You don't know what you're asking, Remus. What happened happened, the reason behind it is unimporta-"

 " _Unimportant_?" Remus repeated incredulously, pulling his his now healed arm away and staring at his father in shock. "It's my life! My entire life, who I am, _what_ I am!"  

"You don't understand-" 

 " _You_ don't understand!" Remus shouted back. Ignoring the ache in his limbs he stood up, wrapping the battered blanket around himself. "I'm seventeen. It's my life and I deserve to know the truth. I'm not a child, I don't need you to protect me." 

 "I'm always going to want to protect you, Remus." Said Lyall quietly. "You're my son." 

"Am I?" Remus asked bitterly, remembering what the man had said to him earlier. "I'm a werewolf. Wolves aren't meant to be raised by humans. Hell, most of the Wizarding World would have me put down, wouldn't they?" 

 Lyall flinched and looked at him with a painful expression. "Remus, why would you say something like that?" 

"Because it's true, isn't it? That's what people think about...about dark creatures like me. Wouldn't you think that way too? If I wasn't your son, if I hadn't been cursed this way, what would you think of something like me?" The silence that followed was louder than any noise Remus could remember hearing in his life, and that was the only answer he needed. "I...I'm going to stay at James'. Tell mum I'm sorry. I just need to get out of here." 

 "Remus, wait!" His father called after him, but he didn't look back and he made his way up the stairs to his bedroom despite his body's protests. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do apologize for the delays between chapters lately. School, work and wedding planning have been taking up a lot of my time and energy and unfortunately this fic has been on the back burners. I graduate in July though, so hopefully that will help and I'll be back on track! Thanks for sticking around!


	77. The Boy Who Cried Wolf - Summer 1977

Remus Lupin was, for all intents and purposes, a perfectly normal, happy and healthy four year old boy. He was playful and loving and incredibly sharp witted for such a young child, if not just a little on the mischievous side. 

 He liked to read and to help his mother in the kitchen, and he was fascinated by the work of his father, a wizard who worked for the Ministry of Magic in the regulations of magical creatures department. 

 Always curious, Remus would flip through the pages of his father's books and although he could not yet read the complicated words, he was a never ending stream of questions when he found pictures of interesting creatures he found. Most children would want a normal bedtime story from their parents. Muggle stories like Little Red Riding Hood or Cinderella were alright he supposed, and he did on occasion ask to be read a wizard tale like Babbitty Rabbity, but most of the time he would beg and plead for his father to tell him about the strange and dark creatures from the books he stored in his study. 

 "You'll get nightmares, Remus." Lyall would advise, even as he sat on the edge of his son's bed and opened to whatever page the boy demanded to know more about. Remus was brave, though. He wasn't afraid of the dark or of whatever could be lurking in the shadows. 

 Remus would sit up in his bed, propped up against the pillows and listen to his father go on and on, chocolate brown eyes wide with fascination and not even the slightest hint of fear or, to his father's dismay, exhaustion. 

 "It's getting late." Lyall would eventually say, closing the book. "We can continue tomorrow." He would stand up, kiss the boy goodnight and turn to leave the room. Every night without fail Remus would yell

 "Wait!" And Lyall would sigh and turn back. Remus' face was a mixture of deep thought and mischief. 

 "There's...a hiccuppunk under the bed." The boy said definitively. 

Lyall laughed and shook his head. "A hinkypunk."

"Yes." Remus nodded. "One of those. It's under the bed. I heard it."

"Remus, there is nothing under your bed. You just don't want to go to sleep." 

 "But I heard it, dad!" Remus insisted. "Can't you check?" 

And of course Lyall would oblige, knowing that Remus hadn't heard a thing. "They are quite easy to get rid of," He would explain, as he did about any creature his son claimed was hiding in the room each night. He crouched under the bed, brandishing his wand, and Remus would lean over the edge of the mattress to watch. "Do you remember how?" 

 "The lumos spell." Remus answered with a pleased expression on his young face for having remembered. "And then a knockback jinx 'til it dissolves." 

"That is correct." Lyall sighed, emerging from under the bed and fixing his son with a knowing look. "And if there was a hinkypunk hiding beneath your bed, that's exactly what I would do. But you and I both know there isn't, and it's time to go to sleep, Remus." 

 It was the same routine every night. Remus would pick some interesting new dark creature, claim it was hidden somewhere in his room and wait for his father to tell him how to properly defend himself against it. 

 One night Remus didn't ask for the book at all. He had overheard his father speaking to another wizard from work over the fireplace. Something had been causing the ministry quite a bit of trouble and Remus, being the curious child he was, was determined to know more about it. That night before Lyall could open the book Remus made his request. 

 "Werewolves." 

Lyall stared at him in disbelief. "Werewolves? Remus, no." He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry, son. That's too scary for you."

 "It is not!" Remus argued. "I'm almost five! Come on dad, please? I won't get scared, I'll go right to bed I promise!"

For the first time, Lyall hesitated. Werewolves weren't only a terrifying subject, one which he firmly believed no four- almost five - year old should concern themselves with, but they were also a rather sensitive topic at the ministry at the time. In fact, only earlier that week he himself had had a confrontation with a werewolf; the leader of one of the only real packs in Britain, a particularly dangerous and unhinged beast by the name of Fenrir Greyback who was causing quite an uproar for Lyall and the rest of his department. 

 Running a hand through his hair anxiously, Lyall gave his son an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, Remus. I just don't think you're old enough to really understand-"

But Remus had that determinedly stubborn look on his face, one Lyall was certain he had inherited from his mother, and his argument fell flat. He gave the boy as little information as he could, skirting around public and personal beliefs and sticking to the hard facts as they were written in his books. Remus, as always, listened in awe, stopping him a few times to ask questions but careful not to push his father for any more than he was being given, sensing that this, beyond all other things, wasn't something the older man felt comfortable discussing. 

 "But if a werewolf is only a werewolf when there's a full moon, isn't he just a normal person the rest of the time?" 

Lyall gave him a grave look and shook his head. "A werewolf is a werewolf whether the moon is full or not, Remus. From the moment the bite is received, he is no longer considered human. It changes the entire physiology of a person. They're cursed. Dark magic is transferred into their blood."

 "So they wouldn't even be able to live like a normal person anymore? Go to school or have a job or a family?"

"Well, the ministry is trying to set rules for those sorts of things. You're right, they do spend most of their lives in human form but unfortunately there just isn't enough evidence to support that they are safe to be around. Better to be safe, keep them away from the public in case the animal part of their mind cannot be controlled and they hurt somebody, right?" 

 "Aren't there bad people anyway? People who aren't werewolves who hurt people? There must be werewolves who don't want to make any trouble?"

"There are," Lyall agreed. "But why take the chance? There are bad people in the world, you're right. But a werewolf has more of a chance at being a bad person. It's in their nature." 

 Remus frowned, clearly deep in thought and Lyall suddenly felt uneasy with the conversation.

 "It's late, son. Time for bed." He stood up and kissed the boy on top of his head, tucking the covers around him, despite the contemplative look at his face that suggested he wanted more information. "You promised. Straight to sleep, now." He watched for a moment as Remus settled down, still seeming unsatisfied. As Lyall headed out of the room and flicked off the lights Remus sat up.

 "Dad, wait!" 

Lyall didn't turn the lights back on, but he paused in the doorway. "We go over this every night, son. There's nothing under your bed."

Remus bit his lip, his eyes full of worry rather than the usual spark of playfulness. He shifted uncomfortably and looked up at his father. "Could you check?" 

 But Lyall was tired. "You promised you wouldn't be scared if I told you about these monsters, Remus. There's nothing there. You know the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf, don't you?"

 Remus shook his head. 

"The little boy claimed time and time again that there was a wolf out to get them and there never was. He lied so many times that people just stopped listening, and one day when he told the truth, and the wolf was really there, nobody believed him anymore."

 "But-"

"Goodnight, Remus." 

 

Not even an hour later, a piercing scream ripped through the house and Remus Lupin would no longer be a perfectly normal, happy, healthy boy. 

 

-

 

Sirius stood on the lawn, arms folded over his chest and eyes gleaming with pride, quite the contrast to James and Peter, who were standing just behind him looking a little exasperated at the source of their friend's newfound joy.

 "That is a pile of scrap metal, that's what that is." Peter muttered, shaking his head. "You inherited all that money and this is what you do with it? Must be nice to be rich."

 Sirius' grin faltered and he glared sideways at the shorter boy. "Shut up, Wormtail. It's bloody gorgeous!" The scrap metal in question was a 1959 Triumph Bonneville T120 motorbike...or at least, it had been at some point. Currently it's paint was chipped and faded, there was a thick layer of rust covering the handlebars and it looked like it hadn't been touched for at least a decade before Sirius, accompanied by a reluctant James, pushed it out of the previous owner's shed, down the block and finally managed to apparate it home with them. "It just needs some work, that's all." Said Sirius defensively. 

 "You don't know the first thing about riding one of these things, let alone having to practically rebuild one." Said James for the twentieth time since Sirius had dragged him off to help him acquire the monstrosity. "You'll end up dead in the streets and then who is going to have to be the one to tell Moony that his boyfriend is a highway pancake? Me. It's always bloody me."

 Sirius rolled his eyes. "Don't be so bloody dramatic, Prongs. If I can learn how to become an animagus, I can read a book on   Muggle Auto Mechaniatics."

 "Auto _Mechanics._ " Peter corrected under his breath and Sirius either didn't hear him, or chose to ignore him, choosing instead to step forward and try to scratch off some of the rust with his nail. 

 Peter grimaced. "I wouldn't worry, mate." He addressed James. "He'll die of tetanus long before he gets that thing running." 

 "No one is going to die!" Sirius snapped irritably and the other two merely rolled their eyes and stayed silent. Sirius had been a little more moody than usual, having had to leave Remus alone with his parents for the full moon. Realistically he knew that this was no different than every other summer when Remus would return home for his transformations, but something just wasn't sitting right with Sirius. He figured it had something to do with this new bond between them, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. That was why he and James had gone off to find a distraction and had come home with the bike. Peter had arrived shortly after. 

 "Ten galleons says he forgets about the bloody thing in a week anyway." James snickered to Peter who grinned widely. 

 "A week? I give him two days. Once Moony shows up he'll be too busy following him around and whining about what a terrible 78 hours it was without hi-HEY!" 

 James howled with laughter as Peter, who had been hit with a jet of light from Sirius' wand, struggled to hold his rapidly swelling tongue with both of his arms. 

 "Laugh all you want, but when I get her working don't come asking me for rides." Said Sirius smugly. 

James snorted and shook his head. "No bloody way I'd let you drive me around on that thing, Pads. I value my life."

 Sirius ignored the comment and busied himself with rubbing down the old bike with a rag. Peter was still making distressed sounds as he tried to counter jinx his tongue and somewhere in the distance there was a loud 'POP'.

 "OOEYYY!" Peter exclaimed. "'ADOOT! ONTH!" 

 James chuckled, turning around to go and help him. "Oh for Merlin's sake, Pete. Hold on, I'll set you ri- _Shit_!" He suddenly bolted off.

 Sirius rolled his eyes, still focused on the bike. "It'll wear off on its own, let him suffer for a minute."

 "SIRIUS, IT'S REMUS!"

Bike forgotten, Sirius dropped the rag and spun around. James was rushing across the yard, followed by Peter who was struggling to keep up while dragging his enlarged tongue along. Sirius sprinted to catch up, blindly flicking his wand in Peter's direction with the counter jinx.

 Remus was kneeling on the ground looking disheveled and breathless as both James and Sirius came skidding to a stop in front of him. 

 "Remus, what the hell are you doing here!" James demanded, bending to try to help the other boy stand. 

 Remus shook his head, declining the assistance. He held a hand up. "I'm fine." 

"Like hell you are!" Sirius growled as he dropped to his knees, his eyes scanning over his boyfriend for any sign of injury. "What were you thinking, trying to apparate right after the full? You could have gotten hurt! You could have splinched yourself!" 

 "I'm alright, Padfoot." Remus insisted lightly, his eyes firmly on the ground. "Just a little dizzy. Just give me a second and- _ugh,_ hold on." He turned his head away from them and was promptly sick all over the grass. 

 James bit his lip and he and Sirius exchanged concerned looks. "Pete, go tell my mum Remus is here and he's ill."

 Peter had only just caught up with them, but he nodded and headed off towards the house. 

 "I'm really fine, Prongs." Remus said, taking a shaky breath and wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. 

 " _What were you thinking!_ " Sirius repeated urgently. Remus made an attempt to stand that made both James and Sirius flinch before they both put an arm around his shoulders and helped him up. 

 Remus forced a laugh and shrugged. "Oh, You know, just missed you lads." 

Sirius clenched his jaw, his eyes narrowing with a look that clearly said he was not amused when Remus risked a glance at him. 

 Remus sighed. "Look, it doesn't matter, I'm alive and I'm in one piece, eh? Just...drop it, alright?"

 "I most certain will not ' _just drop it_ ', Remus, you could have-"

"What Sirius means is," James loudly interrupted Sirius' outburst, glaring pointedly at him. "It's your business, Moony. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine with us. We're just happy you're here and you're okay."

 Sirius huffed in annoyance but mumbled somewhat of an agreement as they helped Remus into the house and sat him down on the sofa in the Potter's sitting room. 

 Trinket entered the room not a moment later, holding a tray with three teacups and some fresh biscuits as she scurried along. 

 "Mistress tolds Trinket that Master Remus had arrived and was feeling ill. Trinket fetched some tea." She squeaked breathlessly as the boys took the offered beverage and snacks. 

 Remus smiled back at her, curling his hands around the hot teacup appreciatively. "Thank you Trinket, that was very thoughtful."

 "Trinket is hoping Master Remus is alright. Mistress went to get the medical aid. She will be here soon, she told Trinket to say." 

 "Don't worry, I'm fine." Remus reassured her gently. "Just had a bad apparition, that's all."

 Trinket bowed to all of them and hurried out as quickly as she had come in. The room was filled with an awkward silence as  James busied himself with the biscuits and Remus sipped his tea, his eyes set determinedly, avoiding eye contact with his friends.

 Sirius didn't touch his tea. He leaned against the mantle over the fireplace, his grey eyes nearly burning into Remus from across the room. He could sense a million different things on the other boy, he could practically see the emotions and the pain coming off of him like a vapor or an aura of some sort.

  _What's wrong with you?_ He thought desperately. For second he thought perhaps he had accidentally said it out loud because Remus' eyes shot up to look at him. His eyes looked tired and sad and he shook his head, clearly telling Sirius _'not now_ '.

Thankfully that was then that Mrs. Potter, followed closely by Peter, came in and shooed James off of the sofa so she could sit beside Remus to examine him, hurrying through her usual greetings as she began to look him over.

 "Hello Remus, dear." 

"Hi Mrs. Potter."

 "How's your mother? Everything alright at home?" 

"Yes, ma'am. She said to thank you for the truffles you sent."

 "Hmmm..." Euphemia hummed in disapproval when she took Remus' temperature. "You know you really shouldn't be apparating when you aren't well, Remus. Especially when you're still new to it. I'd have thought you were wiser than that." She gave him a look that reminded all four boys of Professor Mcgonagall when they misbehaved. "Happy as I am to have you here, you're lucky you didn't have a worse reaction." 

 "Yes, ma'am. I know. I guess I thought I had been better and I didn't want to be sick around mum, so..."

 "Perfectly understandable, love." Euphemia nodded. She uncorked a small phial and poured some of its contents into a spoon. "This should take the fever down, but I want you to go straight up to bed. Do your parents know you're here?" 

 "Yes, they know." Remus took the spoon and swallowed the potion down without a fuss. "Thank you." 

 Euphemia smiled warmly and patted Remus' hand. "You're quite welcome, Remus. Now off to bed with you. And you three," She looked at James, Sirius and Peter. "Let him rest, will you? Help him up to bed and then back outside with all of you. I won't have you yelling and getting riled up while the poor thing is sick." 

 "Yes Mrs. P." Said Peter while James and Sirius both muttered "yes mum." 

Remus insisted once again that he was fine when James and Sirius went to help him stand, but that didn't stop Sirius' arm from sliding protectively around his waist as they all moved upstairs to Sirius' bedroom.

 Once upstairs, Peter closed the bedroom door while Remus made himself comfortable on the bed and James and Sirius perched themselves at the foot of it. 

 Noticing that all eyes were on him, and that his friends had no intention of leaving to let him rest, Remus' eyebrows shot up. "Oh, is this outside now?"

 "We'll go if that's what you really want." Said James. "It's just that I if we do, I might have to tie Sirius up to a tree or something to keep him from coming back in and harassing you, so you might as well just tell us what's going on now."

 Sirius glared at James for a moment, but he didn't deny that it would be nearly impossible to take him away from Remus' side. 

 "Is your mum okay?" Peter asked, locking the door and soundproofing the room with his wand before coming to join the others on the bed. 

 Remus nodded, looking down at his lap. "She's fine." He met his friends' eyes and sighed heavily. "Merlin, seriously you guys it's not that big of a deal. I...had a bit of a row with my dad this morning when I woke up after the full. I just couldn't...I had to get away. It's really fine." He glanced around at all of them, they didn't seem convinced. _"Really."_ He added when he caught Sirius' eye. "It was nothing. Just the moon and mum's health and just...being home is a bit of a stress right now. I couldn't...I didn't- _ugh._ " He groaned and ran both hands through his hair, resting his forehead on his knees. "I just couldn't stay there. I'm sorry I worried you all. I should have taken a moment to think it through and sent an owl explaining what was happening and I could have used the floo instead of just apparating here like that. It was stupid and-"

 "It's alright, Moony." The gentle tone of Sirius' voice surprised him and he looked back up. Sirius' entire expression had changed to one a lot softer and sympathetic. His lips twitched up in a sad sort of smile and he shrugged. "I get it. Sometimes you just can't be somewhere for a second longer."

 James and Peter both nodded in agreement and Remus smiled and relaxed once again. 

"Do you reckon you and your dad will be alright?" Peter asked carefully, not wanting to intrude too much. He reached into his pocket to retrieve a chocolate frog and he tossed it across the bed to Remus. 

 "Ta, Worm." Said Remus gratefully, opening the packaging and biting off the head. He nodded as he chewed. "Yes. We'll be fine. I just wanted to get some space, that's all." He picked the card up out of the wrapper to read it, then held it out to James. "Edric Vosper."

 James' eyes went wide and he snatched the card excitedly, nearly falling off the bed as he did. "He's the only member of Puddlemere's 1964 World Cup team that I was missing." He explained sheepishly as he stuffed the card in his pocket and fixed his glasses while his friends stared at him. He cleared his throat and nodded at Remus. "Thanks mate." Then he hopped off the bed. "Well then, we should probably let you rest before mum comes up to drag us all out of here. C'mon Pete, Sirius..." 

 Peter got up to follow dutifully, but Sirius' only move was to crawl from the foot of the bed up to where Remus was to sit beside him, taking the werewolf's hand in his own. 

 James rolled his eyes. "Come on Padfoot, time for your walk." Both Peter and Remus chuckled. 

 Sirius lifted his chin defiantly. "I'm stay-"

"If you stay here, I'm transfiguring that rusty piece of tin you call a motorbike into a parakeet and watching it fly away." James smirked, folding his arms as Sirius gasped. 

 "You wouldn't da-!"

"Wait, _what_?" Said Remus, pulling his hand away from Sirius' and turning to gape at Sirius. "What motorbike? Who on earth would let _you_ drive a bloody motorbike?"

 Sirius went pale and then slightly pink. He quickly kissed Remus' cheek before he leapt off the bed, out of his boyfriend's reach. "Y'know what, Prongs is right. You need your rest, Moony. I'll just being running along then, such a lovely day outside, shame you've got to stay right here. Love you, sleep well!" He rushed out the door, grabbing both James and Peter by the sleeves and dragging them out with him, leaving a confused Remus behind and shutting the door just as his boyfriend shouted 

 "SIRIUS BLACK GET YOUR ARSE BACK HERE!"

 As the door slammed shut and Remus heard the sound of his friend's footsteps rushing down the stairs and James and Peter's laughter, he sighed and laid back down against the pillows, wondering what it must be like to have a normal, quiet life. 


	78. Simple, Average, Normal - Summer 1977

Petunia Evans stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror that she had been standing in front of for the last hour or so, primping for her date. 

 She thought she looked rather good in her understated makeup with no wild or outlandish colors popping off her face, her simple, pale blue flowy dress that didn't give the wrong idea paired with modest heels and a single string of pearls around her neck. Her golden blonde hair was pulled back away from her face in a simple twist. Everything about the look screamed Simple, Average, Normal, and that's just the way she liked it. 

 She leaned in a little further towards the mirror to inspect herself more closely. Something did feel like it was missing, but what? 

 Perhaps she was overthinking it. This was, after all, a very important night.

A rapping on the bathroom door made her perfectly done face scrunch up into a scowl and she yanked it open, causing the intruder, her sister Lily, to jump slightly, taken aback. "What do you want?" She asked, considering in afterthought that she could have chosen to speak a little nicer to the younger girl, who probably only wanted to use the facilities. But what was done was done, and she maintained her cold expression as Lily blinked at her, momentarily flustered. 

 "Oh, sorry." The redhead apologized quickly. "I didn't know you were busy in here-"

 "Typically when someone's in the restroom they're pretty occupied, don't you think?" Said Petunia, once again ignoring the voice in her head that told her to lighten up.

 The two girls stared at each other in silence for a long moment. Petunia was about to tell her sister to leave if she wasn't going to use the bathroom, but Lily spoke first. 

 "You look nice." She said, smiling a little, and Petunia could tell that she meant it. "Are you going somewhere special? Is it with...with that Vincent?"

_"Vernon."_

"Vernon, sorry." Lily corrected herself, casting her eyes down and chewing her bottom lip. "Sorry."

 Petunia purses her lips, taking a deep breath through the nose and slowly letting it out. "Yes. Vernon is taking me to dinner. A lovely place, _Bistro Cassis_. French, you know. The Prime Minister's cousin was spotted there last spring." 

 "O-oh..." Lily nodded, seeming determined to appear impressed. Petunia wondered what sort of fantastical culinary her sister's sort must have in their world if this didn't meet the criteria to peak interest. "That does sound nice." 

 Petunia held her head a little higher. "I do believe Vernon may propose tonight." She blurted out, trying to sound haughty. Trying to sound as if she had beaten the other girl to something. Lily didn't even have a boyfriend, as far as Petunia knew, and here she was about to become someone's Fiancée. 

 She hadn't expected the younger girl's face to light up the way it did. Emerald green eyes nearly doubling in size as she gasped in surprise before flinging her arms around Petunia's neck. "Really! Oh Tuney! That's wonderful!"

 Petunia froze in shock for a moment. She and Lily barely spoke these days, in fact Petunia avoided even looking at the other girl whenever she was home from that...that _school_ of her's. Yet here she was, genuinely excited for her. Petunia allowed herself to relax into her sister's embrace, bringing her arms up to return the hug.

 When they parted, Lily had a dreamy sort of expression as her eyes scanned over her sister. "I can't believe it. It sounds so...so grown up, doesn't it? You getting married." 

 Petunia found herself smiling in return. "It does."

Lily hummed happily, then she blushed and took a step back. "Well, I'll just...I'll let you finish up then, shall I? Sorry to have bothered you." 

 As she turned to leave, Petunia felt her heart tug slightly. "Lily! Wait!" 

 Lily paused and turned back to face her. Petunia worried her bottom lip and sighed. 

"I feel like...something's missing. I'm not sure what. I've been staring in the blasted mirror for an hour. What d'you think?"

Lily stared her up and down, her eyebrows furrowed as she concentrated and a tiny frown on her lips until her face, again, lit up and she reached into the back pocket of her jeans, drawing out a long, thin stick. 

 Petunia's eyes went wide and she took a step back. "What are you doing with that thing? Put it away! I don't want you doing some freaky spell on me!" 

 Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh stop. You asked for my help, didn't you?" She smiled softly, taking Petunia's hand in the one not holding her wand. "Trust me, yeah?"

 Petunia didn't move, didn't blink, didn't breathe as Lily pointed the wand at the side of her head. There was a warm tingling feeling just above her ear and the tiniest, fearful whine escaped Petunia's throat as she scrunched her eyes closed, preparing for the worst. Then the tingling stopped.

 "There. That should do it." Said Lily, satisfied.

"What've you done?" Asked Petunia, eyes still scrunched shut. 

Lily giggled. "Open your eyes and see for yourself, you silly thing." 

 Taking a deep breath, Petunia opened her eyes and looked in the mirror. Everything was the same. The same understated makeup, the same simple dress and hair twist. The only difference was the bright pink petunia that had settled just behind her ear.

 "Much better." Said Lily. "You needed a little pop of color." She smiled once again, watching Petunia reach up to timidly touch the flower's petals. "Enjoy your night, Tuney. Good Luck."

 

-

 

Petunia had waited patiently, doing her best to conceal her excitement all throughout dinner. Every time Vernon had opened his mouth to speak she sat up a little straighter and frantically thought _This is it! This is my moment!_ Only to wilt slightly back down in her seat when her boyfriend went on to tell her something or another about the drill company he worked for. 

 Dinner came and went along with dessert and she nearly stabbed her fork through the strawberry tart she had ordered when it arrived with no sparkling diamond ring placed whimsically in the center. 

 She had just about given up, slouched back in her chair with her arms folded over her chest and and a definite scowl on her face when the waiter arrived again to ask if that would be all or if they would like the check. 

 "Actually," Said Vernon, and Petunia sat up a little, her hopes restored. "Tonight is a rather special night. Would you mind bringing us two glasses of champagne?"

 With a giddy excitement that she hadn't felt since she was a young girl, Petunia politely excused herself to the ladies' room where she freshened up her lipstick, powdered her nose, made sure there was nothing stuck in her teeth and adjusted the pink flower her sister had put in her hair. Perhaps, she thought with a smile as she fondly stroked the petals, whatever magic Lily had used to conjure it had also brought her luck. Perhaps Lily's abnorma- _uniqueness_ , rather, wasn't as terrible as Petunia had always made it out to be. She would have to make more of an effort with Lily, she decided, and she checked her teeth one last time before leaving the restroom and returning to the table. 

 As she sat down she tried to remind herself not to appear as if she expected anything, but she couldn't stop the wide smile on her face. 

 Vernon frowned, looking confused. "Is there something in my teeth? I told that blasted waiter I didn't want any leafy greens in my dish, but you know how useless those sort are. I'd like to see them handle a real job." He grumbled and narrowed his eyes disapprovingly in the direction that the waiter had walked off. Petunia quickly shook her head. 

 "No! Not at all." She leaned in a little, resting her chin on one hand, trying to look loving and dreamy towards the man. "I'm just happy, Vernon. Aren't you?"

 Again, Vernon looked confused, but he nodded slowly. "Yes. Yes of course. Very happy. In fact, that's why I asked you to dinner tonight. If only that damned waiter wasn't taking so long with the champagne...Ah, there he is."

 Petunia was practically buzzing all throughout her body. She had to consciously stop herself from bouncing in her seat as the waiter poured two glasses from the bottle. When the waiter stepped away, she quickly brought a hand up to stroke over the soft petals of the flower in her hair once more. For luck.

 "Petunia," Vernon started, clearing his throat. 

 "Yes?" She leaned in eagerly. 

"I brought you here tonight as a celebration of sorts. I have a wonderful announcement that will change our lives completely, you see."

 Petunia nodded. _Out with it already..._

Vernon lifted his champagne flute and she scrambled to do the same. "To the future." Vernon toasted and she happily parroted him before they clinked glasses and sipped. Well, Vernon sipped, Petunia drank her glass down in one swallow. 

 "I'm glad your so enthused." Vernon noted, chortling quietly at her empty glass.

She forced a twittering laugh. "You've got me on edge, dear. So, what's this about then?"

 A rare grin spread across Vernon's round face beneath the mustache he had finally managed to grow. He reached across the table, taking Petunia's dainty hand in one of his own large ones. "Petunia, dear..."

_This is it!_  

"They've made me the junior manager of Grunnings! Spectacular news, isn't it?"

 Petunia felt as through her heart had dropped into her stomach, but her happy expression only faltered for one fleeting moment as she fought to maintain a look of excitement for the man. "Yes. Spectacular."

 

-

 

Petunia was surprised to find the lights still on inside the house when Vernon dropped her off later that evening. It wasn't particularly late, but rather it was the sort of hour where her parents may be in the sitting room watching the news and winding down for the night and her sister would be...well, doing whatever it was seventeen year old witches did in their spare time. 

 Her stomach twisted. She didn't particularly feel like facing her family. She wanted to go on up to her bedroom, take off all of this ridiculous makeup and have a lie down...and maybe just a little cry. 

She sniffled a bit as she turned the knob on the front door and slowly opened it.

She could hear her parents and sister laughing in the dining room. 

Strange, she thought. They never used the dining room unless there was an occasion of some sort. She gasped, filling with dread. What if Lily had told their parents that Petunia expected to get engaged tonight? What if they were waiting inside the dining room ready to congratulate her? 

Maybe she could sneak upstairs undetected...

Just as she took a step towards the stairs, there was her mother's voice calling

 "Petunia? Darling, is that you?"

She sighed, defeated. "Yes, mummy. It's me."

 "Come and join us in the dining room, 'Tunia!" Her father's joyful voice boomed. "We're celebrating!" She bit her lip. He sounded so excited. _Daddy will be so disappointed..._

 Slowly she made her way into the dining room, her head hanging in shame. 

However, they seemed to have already begun the celebration without her. Her father, mother and Lily were all seated around the table, sipping wine and laughing. When her eyes fell on Lily, the younger girl blushed and smiled apologetically. 

 "I told them to wait-" She started. 

 "She did." Their father defended, clapping Lily proudly on the shoulder. "But I just couldn't help it. I was so excited. So proud. It's not every day a father gets to see his daughter be made Headgirl of her school, after all!"

The air was sucked clean out of Petunia's lungs. Her hands balled into fists at her side and her cheeks grew warm as anger surged through her and her eyes, wide with fury, bore into her sister who was clutching a scroll of parchment in one hand and had a tiny badge pinned to her shirt. She saw red.

 Stomping her foot, Petunia let out an angry cry and she turned and ran up the stairs. 

 "PETUNIA WAIT!" Lily called after her. She heard the scratch of the dining room chairs on the hardwood floor followed by Lily's footsteps chasing after her. "PETUNIA!"

Before Lily could reach her, Petunia slammed her bedroom door shut and locked it. She threw herself onto the bed and ignored the desperate knocking at her door.

 "Petunia, please!" Begged Lily. 

"Go away!"

 The knocking stopped and for a second Petunia thought that Lily had given up. Then she heard her sister mutter something, a soft _click_ andthe door opened. Lily peeked her head inside. 

Petunia screamed, completely enraged. "How DARE you!" She cried, flying off the bed and charging towards her sister. "How dare you use your silly tricks to invade my privacy!"

"Petunia, _please_! I just wanted to talk to you!"

 "Oh but you ruin EVERYTHING!" She shouted, inches from her sister's face. "This was supposed to be my night! Mine! But of course it's always about you!"

 Lily shook her head. "Tuney, please listen to me! I told them not to make a fuss! I told them to wait until you came home before they went all out. I wanted them to celebrate your good news first! I didn't mean to steal your night from you!"

"Ha!" Petunia laughed coldly. "Well it doesn't even matter because guess what? It didn't happen." She held up her left, ring-less hand to show her. 

 Lily deflated, looking up at Petunia sympathetically. "Oh, Tuney, I'm so sorry..." she reached out to touch her but Petunia jerked away from her. 

 "Don't touch me! I'm so sick of you! Perfect Little Lily always getting what she wants! Lily the _witch_. Lily the _Prefect_. Lily the _Headgirl_! Lily this, Lily that! I bet you're just the Queen Bee at that school of yours, aren't you? I bet everyone _loves_ Little Miss Lily! Do they all just _fawn_ over you, Lily?" At this point she could see tears welling up in her sister's eyes _. Good._ "I don't even know why you bother coming home at all when you've got it made over there in your world! I wish you wouldn't come back! I wish you'd go there and stay there forever so I never had to see your perfect little face ever again! So go!" She shoved the younger girl. "Go back to your perfect happy little fantasy world, with your magic tricks and your stupid spells." She ripped the petunia out of her hair and threw it on the ground. "Go be Queen of the Freaks and leave the rest of us normal people to live our lives without you constantly overshadowing them!"

 "P-Petunia-!"

"Go. Away. Lily!" She practically snarled. "I never want to see you again!" She slammed the door in Lily's face and locked it again. She looked around her room frantically and then, with much difficulty, she pushed her dresser over so that it barricaded the doorway. There. That should keep her out. 

 She was breathing heavily, mascara running down her face as she collapsed back onto her bed, buried her face in her pillow and screamed. 

 

-

 

"It's finally happened." Sighed Remus, shaking his head in disbelief. "You two must have driven Mcgonagall into complete insanity. There's no way she made this sort of decision completely sound of mind. Give me that." He snatched the parchment out of James' hand and read it over, convinced it must be some sort of forgery. 

 Sirius was howling with laughter, doubled over and clutching his sides. "Brilliant! Absolutely bloody incredible! They- _haha!_ \- they made _Prongs_ Head Boy!"

 " _Or_ ," Said Remus, desperate for a rational explanation. "Maybe this is a retaliation of sorts! They're pranking you back for all the idiot stunts you've pulled. You aren't Head Boy at all. They just sent this to make you believe it and then when you get to school and go to the first meeting, everyone will laugh and say 'I can't believe you thought we were serious' and I'll be sitting in the back and I won't _say_ 'I told you so', but you'll know." 

 James snorted and rolled his eyes, taking the letter back from Remus. "You're just out of sorts because you got your jollies off on being able to tell us what to do and now I get to tell _you_ what to do, Mr. Prefect." He thwacked Remus on top of the head with the parchment and stretched out across his bed. Remus frowned at him.

 "I'm not out of sorts. I'm... _flabbergasted_ , that's what I am." 

Sirius, still giggling, came up behind the werewolf, sliding his arms around his waist and nuzzling into his neck. "Don't worry, Moons. You still get to tell me what to do."

 "And me." Peter piped up, trying to be helpful. James snorted and Sirius howled once again, actually collapsing onto the floor and pounding it with his first. Remus actually chuckled a little, though his cheeks were pink and then it dawned on Peters. "Ah! Wait, no! I take it back! _Ugh._ Bloody hell, why do you have to make everything dirty, Padfoot!"

 Sirius grinned, wiping away tears of mirth. "It's a gift, really." 

 "Come to think of it," Peter mused. "Shouldn't you be Head Boy, Moony? Prongs was never even a prefect and his his detention records-" he whistled.

 "First of all," Remus huffed, crossing his arms. " _Moony_ doesn't _want_ to be Head Boy anyway. I've got enough responsibility as a prefect and being Padfoot's only sense of morality. And Head Boy goes to the most impressive student. James' grades are the top of the class, he's been Quidditch captain for two years-"

 "And I've really stepped up on my behavior." James gloated.

 "Yeah right." Said Sirius. "You and I spelled all of the portraits in the west wing to be completely starkers a week before end of term." 

 James smirked. "Alright, I've stepped up my ability to not get caught, then." His eyes suddenly went wide and he sat up. "Wait. You don't think Evans is Head Girl, do you?" 

 The other three boys groaned in unison.

"Most likely." Said Remus. He sat on the floor beside Peter and rubbed his temples. "So if you could please just keep it professional and not piss her off too much, for my own sanity. Don't use this as an excuse to pester her, I'm the one that gets an earful about it."

 "I am not going to pester her! I'm just saying this could be my chance to impress her! Show her how mature and responsible and...Head Boy-ish...I could be, you know?" 

 "Merlin, the school is doomed..." 

"Sirius, go give your boyfriend a blow job or something, will you? He's all cranky." Said James, frowning at the werewolf who simply stuck his tongue out in return.

 Sirius perked up immediately, grinning at Remus in a very Padfoot-Like manner. Remus glared. "Sirius, no." 

"Sorry, Moons. Jim's Head Boy now. I've got to do what he says. And if he says blow jobs, then who am I to disagree?"

 Peter snickered. "Guess that would make Sirius _Head_ Boy, wouldn't it?" 

Remus' resolve broke and he chuckled to himself, giving Sirius an appraising look. "That would be the day."

Sirius pouted, crossing his arms and looking at his boyfriend indignantly. "What? My grades are nearly the same as James'!"

 "But your detention record is nearly double." Said James.

 "And your only extracurricular activity is...well...Moony." added Peter.

 Remus laughed and took Sirius by the arm, pulling him down to sit on the floor between his legs. "Besides, I wouldn't want you to be Head Boy. I like you the way you are. My little delinquent." He nuzzled into the thick black hair, inhaling his scent and humming happily as Sirius leaned back against him. It was hard to stay cranky when he had his Mate so close and warm and smelling so good...

 Maybe he should drag the boy off for a moment, as per James' suggestion...

For all of the worrying Remus had done over the idea, it turned out that the whole 'mating' thing was actually quite nice. It had given him the strange feeling of completeness, like that cliched bit about missing puzzle pieces and whatnot. Their sex life, which in his own not-so-humble opinion had always been quite wonderful, had gotten even better whenever they had a moment to sneak away from the others to fool around. There was something else also, something they had not quite gotten the complete hang of just yet and had both promised to do some more research on. It wasn't telepathy, but it was close. It was like they were so hyper sensitive to each other's emotions that they could communicate without words. They were very interested in just how far they could take that bit. Anyway, Remus decided that this summer had not been all too dreadful, apart from what had happened with his father. Things were still awkward when he had returned home once a month and he and his father had not spoken again about what had happened at the beginning of the season, nor had Remus told him or his friends about the wolf who had visited him. He was choosing, for once, to focus on the positive things and enjoy the final few months of his freedom. Seventh year was only weeks away, graduation was only around the corner and beyond that, who knew? There was a war coming, that much they knew, and real life would be upon them before they knew it. For now, Remus was choosing to pretend that his life was simple, average and normal and most of all, Happy.


	79. The New James Potter - Year Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry for the wait! I am officially DONE WITH SCHOOL! I passed my exams and I am no longer a Beauty School Drop Out! I GRADUATED! Hopefully this means I'll be back on a regular updating schedule for a while, at least until the Wedding gets closer. Enjoy and thank you for your patience!

There was nothing significantly different about Kings Cross or Platform Nine and Three Quarters this year. It was packed with Hogwarts students, as it always was on the first of September, and their tearful parents double checking to be sure they had packed all of their belongings, reminding them to write home and saying their final goodbyes. It was all the same, familiar routine, James thought, but somehow it felt very different.

"Can you believe this is our last year?" Sirius voiced James' exact thoughts, clapping him on the shoulder. "Our last trip to Hogwarts. We should make it special! I've got some of those extra strength dungbombs still, we could toss 'em right into Bella and Lestrange's compartment and lock them in there-"

"Not to spoil your fun," Remus interrupted with a wry smile. "But James is going to have to attend the Prefect meeting on the way in. Head Boy, remember?"

Sirius' face fell and he looked at James as if he had personally betrayed him. "Prongs! It's our _last_ -"

"Sorry mate." James gave him an apologetic smile. "We'll still have the whole year to dungbomb your cousin, I promise." 

 Sirius huffed, crossing his arms and not looking at all mollified. "It's our Last First Day and you two are running off to be all responsible. What about Marauder traditions? Is nothing sacred? You're going to leave me _all alone_ -" 

 Peter snorted and rolled his eyes. " _'Alone'_ , he says. Have I gone invisible?" 

"-to die of boredom while you go and and have some stuffy meeting about 'The Rules'." He shook his head, scowling then turned to Peter. "It's just you and me this year, Pete. They've gone and turned Prongs and Moony into swots. They'll be no fun now." 

 Remus quirked an eyebrow at him. "A swot, am I? I'll remember that when you try dragging me off for a snog behind a tapestry." 

James chuckled and threw his arm around Sirius' shoulders. "Enough theatrics, Sirius. This isn't going to change anything. Moony's been a prefect for two years and it hasn't hindered his marauding about, has it?"

 Sirius grumbled something in response, folding his arms across his chest and pouting even while they said their goodbyes to Mr. and Mrs. Potter and boarded the train. He kept the mood for so long that James actually began to take pity on him.

 "Don't give him the satisfaction of feeling bad for him." Remus told him, sounding a little exasperated as he and James closed the door to the compartment and headed towards the back of the train where the Prefect's meeting was held. "Let him throw his tantrum until he realizes what a git he's being and he comes 'round with his tail between his legs to apologize. That's what I do anyway." 

James nodded. "And what's that gotten you?" 

Remus shrugged. "Laid." He smirked. "Though I suppose that's not quite the outcome you're hoping for."

 James grimaced and shook his head. "No, I think I'll leave you to that, Moony." He ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it up a bit and sighing. "I do feel a bit like I'm abandoning him in a way."

The werewolf shook his head. "Your codependency on each other never ceases to amaze me. He's not going to waste away from not having you at his side for a few hours a night. I'm sure Pete and Marlene will keep him plenty occupied and when I don't have rounds I can assure you he won't even realize you're gone." They both stopped for a moment and Remus frowned when James didn't respond with his usual gagging noises at the allusion to his best friends' sex life. "Although perhaps Sirius isn't the only reason you're feeling less than thrilled at the position?" 

James jumped slightly at the accusation, blinking his eyes rapidly and momentarily debating whether he should deny it and come up with some other excuse. He sighed in resignation, Remus would see right through that of course. "It's not that I'm not happy to do it. It's a lot like being Quidditch Captain and I'm honored that McGonagall and Dumbledore have enough faith in me, but-"

"Don't you have faith in yourself?" Asked Remus, his head tilted slightly to the side and his eyes filled with concern. "You're a natural leader, Prongs. I know I made some jokes about it before, but I do think you're-" 

James shook his head. "No, it's not that - I mean, thanks mate, but-" He froze. They were standing in front of the Prefect's compartment now and his eyes fell immediately on Lily Evans, who had her back to the door as she talked animatedly with a Hufflepuff prefect. Then Remus' hand was on his shoulder and he turned to see the werewolf smiling comfortingly at him. 

 "You won't fuck it up, mate." Said Remus. "In fact, this may be the start of a whole new James Potter, as far as some people are concerned." 

James smiled weakly at him and nodded. "Thanks Moony." 

"Of course." Remus gave him a small shove forward. "Now, let's see that Gryffindor Courage, Mister Head Boy." 

He grinned at that, giving a relieved laugh and opening the door to the compartment. There was some light chattering among the small group, which dimmed only a little when the two Gryffindors entered and Lily turned around, smiling excitedly at Remus who she immediately threw her arms around.

 "Remus! How was your summer? I meant to write to you after I received my Head Girl letter, only I assumed of course that you got your-" Emerald green eyes grew to the size of tea saucers as they landed on James and the excitement drained from her face, replaced with a look of sheer panic. "Potter?" She dropped her arms from around Remus' neck and she frowned, looking between James and Remus with confusion. "What-What are you doing here?" 

James felt his face heat up before he quickly shook himself, plastering on a cocky grin, hand shooting to his hair. "Head Boy, at your service, Evans." 

Lily blinked owlishly a few times. "I-I'm sorry, you're what now?" She looked at Remus for confirmation, or really in hopes that the taller boy would crack a smile and confess that they were only joking at her expense, but Remus merely coughed and awkwardly side-stepped out from between the two of them to make his way to sit among the other prefects. "I...B-but..." She shook her head in disbelief, her brow furrowing as she narrowed her eyes at James. "You know you'll actually be expected to _follow_ the rules, don't you?" 

James smirked and shrugged his shoulders. "Job description says to _enforce_ them, technically." 

The comment made Lily's face grow as red as her hair and she glared. "And to _lead by example_." 

"And I plan to be nothing short of exemplary. I'll be on my best behavior." He chuckled and took a step closer to her. "At least as far as anyone could prove, anyway." 

Lily opened her mouth to argue, but then Remus cleared his throat loudly, pointing to the watch on his wrist to indicate their argument's ill timing.  Lily bit her lip and James grinned triumphantly as he watched her shuffle  distractedly through papers to find her outline for the meeting, only to lose her grip, sending notes flying all over the compartment. James frowned, raising an eyebrow at Remus who pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. He reached into his pocket and took out his wand, flicking it at the fallen bits of parchment so that they came back together in a neat, orderly stack which then flew into his outstretched hand. He held them out to the clearly flustered redhead, who mumbled a short "Thanks." before turning to address the rest of the compartment. 

Lily cleared her throat. "Right. Well then...erm...I'm Lily Evans, your Head Girl and this is your Head Boy, J-James Potter." She seemed to struggle to get James' name out after the title. "I suppose we'll start off with addressing a few rules that have been added - no doubt the direct result of something your Head Boy has had a part in-" She mumbled the last part and James raised an eyebrow at her. She looked back at him, challenging him to disagree, but James only shrugged. 

 "You flatter me, Evans." He smirked and he swore he saw the corner of her mouth twitch up slightly before she continued on, going down the list of newly prohibited items and behaviors, most of which James and Remus nodded along to, smiling and knowing that yes, they were the culprits.

At the end of the meeting, most of the prefects filed out of the compartment to return to their friends, leaving only James, Remus and Lily.

 "Was that alright?" Lily asked nervously, watching the last of the other students disappear past the door. "I didn't sound like a complete nag, did I?" 

Remus smiled reassuringly and shook his head. "Of course not, Lily. It was great. You'll be great... _Both_ of you will be." He nodded pointedly to James."Anyway, I'm going to head back to the compartment before Sirius drives Peter completely round the bend. James?" 

 "I'll catch up with you, Moony. Go save Pete." He smiled, rubbing the back of his neck and watching Remus leave. When he was gone, James turned back to Lily. "Hey, Evans, look-" 

"I'm sorry." Lily cut him off quickly. She sighed, looking ashamed and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I shouldn't have spoken to you that way, or made those comments during the meeting, in front of everyone...undermining your authority. I just..." she laughed nervously. "Who would expect James Potter to be Head Boy?" 

 James chuckled and shrugged. "Maybe not the old James Potter. I assure you, the New James Potter is totally Head Boy material." 

Lily's eyebrows shot up and she eyed him suspiciously. "'The New James Potter'?" 

He nodded. "That's right. Responsible, authoritative, still roguishly handsome of course -" Lily Snorted and James grinned. "Who knows, you may even learn to like him." 

"Not if The New James Potter's pick up lines are still as bad as the Old James Potter's." Lily bent to pick up her school bag, hugging the stack of meeting notes to her chest.

James snickered. "Hey, I can't make any promises. But remember, I told you last year that you'd eventually say yes." 

 Lily laughed. A genuine, twinkling laugh that made James appreciate the dimples on her cheeks and the way her nose crinkled up a bit. She shook her head. "In your dreams, Potter." But she was smiling, still and James held up his hands in surrender. 

 "Alright, if you say so." He conceded, opening the compartment door and gesturing grandly. "After you, Head Girl." 

A light flush rose to Lily's cheeks and she licked her lips. "Thank you." She muttered, stepping past him and starting to head down the length of the train.

"Hey Evans?" James called after her, and he watched as she hesitated before turning back to look him him. 

 "Yes Potter?" 

James smirked. "You're pretty when you blush." 

And she blushed even more. 

 


	80. All Is Fair In Love and War - Year Seven

Lily was many things, she knew. She was intelligent, responsible, a little hot headed at times and definitely stubborn. The one thing she most definitely was not was a liar. She simply had never been good at fabricating elaborate excuses, not to anyone else and least of all, to herself. She had given up on trying to convince herself that she hated the very existence of James Potter last year and, though it pained her to admit, she actually had began to feel rather fond of him.

 Of course, he was still James Potter, and even Head Boy James Potter - Who was on his _Best Behavior_ \- had an incredible knack for driving Lily absolutely insane.

He was constantly late, first of all. He'd come waltzing into class ten minutes after the bell had rung, smiling charmingly at the Professors in that way he knew none of them could resist and sure enough, they would pretend to scold him and tell him to take his seat. No detention, no points deducted, nothing.

 "Haven't you ever heard of a watch?" Lily would ask, biting the inside of her cheek as she tried to maintain her composure when he would show up to Prefect meetings at half-passed-whenever-he-damn-well-pleased. He would give her that same, cocky grin and shrug.

"I figured I'd give you time to miss me." 

Which she most certainly did _not_. 

 Yet despite his inability to follow a simple schedule, for some reason he always seemed to be in the right place at the right time. While patrolling the corridors on their nightly rounds, whenever a portrait tipped Lily off about any sort of wrong-doings going on about the castle, she would always get there seemingly moments too late, only to find that James Potter had already caught the culprit and sent them off to their heads of house or given them a write-up himself. When she thought about it, Remus had always had this sort of luck on his side when they were prefects together as well. Lily had assumed that Remus' heightened senses and instinct had given him the upper-hand when it came to tracking down students who shouldn't be lurking about, but now she was certain that they both had some sort of knowledge of the whereabouts of anyone in the castle if they so chose.  

 For all of his talk about 'The New and Improved James Potter', he was still James Bloody Potter. 

Sure, he hadn't sent unjustified hexes at unknowing students in recent memory, but despite his claims of being on his Best Behavior Lily was One Hundred and Ten Percent Sure that he had something to do with the fact that for one whole week in early October, every Seventh Year Slytherin could only speak if they were praising Gryffindor's superiority. Though Lily found she couldn't fault James for his continued participation in -admittedly harmless and, though she's never say it out loud, amusing - pranks, because she knew Remus wasn't nearly as innocent as he looked either. Lily was no hypocrite. And perhaps she did laugh a little bit the morning everyone walked into the Great Hall for breakfast and found around forty suits of armor had been posed in very compromising positions.

 But it was _James Bloody Potter_ , for Merlin's sake. Arrogance radiated off of him as he strutted around the school with that stupid, cocky, crooked grin with his tie hanging loose around the collar of his untucked uniform shirt. He always took up the entire sofa in the common room, sprawling across it with his gangly limbs going this way and that and his muddy, worn out trainers resting on the arm. Honestly, was the boy raised in a barn? He hardly ever could be found studying - unless you considered the quidditch play manuals he was often hunched over, eyes intensely focused and tongue poking out the corner of his mouth, 'studying' - yet his test marks and homework were almost always straight O's. He was loud and entitled, he challenged every single thing Lily said and for the love of Godric every time he did that stupid thing with his stupid hair Lily wanted to hex every stupid strand off of his stupid head!  

 The absolute worst part of it all was that Lily suddenly found she _liked_ all of those things.

-

 

 Sirius personally thought that _The New James Potter_ was a bit of a prat.

Well, he supposed James had always been a bit of a prat, but now he was a _boring_  prat with responsibilities and maturity and meetings and rounds that took up far to much of his time so he didn't have enough to spend goofing off or planning pranks with Sirius. Not to mention how frightfully annoying it was to hear the constant bickering between him and Evans when it was clear to everyone else around them that they would rather just be snogging. Sirius, for one, had had enough.

 "You're no bloody fun anymore, Prongs." Sirius whined, falling dramatically onto James' bed and looking up at his best friend with the saddest puppy dog eyes he could muster up. "We haven't pranked the slytherins in _ages_!" 

James, who was polishing his broom handle in preparation for the start of term try-outs, snorted and rolled his eyes. "We slipped that potion in Avery's pumpkin juice two days ago, Pads. He's still got steam pouring out every time he opens his mouth." 

" _Ages_!" Repeated Sirius, drawing the word out and groaning. "And that wasn't even nearly up to our standards and you know it. It's almost Halloween and we haven't got anything planned." He rolled onto his stomach and jabbed James in the ribs with his index finger. "You're boring now." 

 "Ouch! Prat." James flicked the other boy's head, hard. "Look, I'm just trying to lay low on the trouble making for a bit. I've got to at least act responsible to show Minnie and Dumbledore they made the right choice giving me the job, yeah? So once I've got them believing I've achieved some sort of miracle reformation and I've gone off their radar, we can go back to wreaking havoc upon the school, alright?" 

It was Sirius' turn to snort. "Right. It's Minnie and Dumbledore you're trying to impress." He poked him again, harder this time. "You're a shit liar." 

 A smack to the back of Sirius' head. "What're you on about?" 

Sirius sat up, rubbing his head in the spot James had hit him and scowling. He shoved him. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. You're laying it on thick for Evans. _Pathetic_." Another shove and then Sirius let out a canine like yelp as James spun around and tackled him. The two of them wrestled until James had Sirius pinned down. 

 "I'm not 'laying it on thick for Evans', you prick! I rather like being Head Boy. Maybe I've just matured. You know, you could do well with a little responsibility as well." 

Sirius laughed sharply. "Never!" With a grunt, Sirius heaved upwards and managed to knock James off, switching their positions and grinning down at him triumphantly. "You've gone all swotty, trying to make Evans think you're the perfect, mature, swot boyfriend!" He chuckled as James struggled underneath him. "Next you'll be joining the Slug Club and _studying_."

 "Would you get off, arsehole?" James growled. His glasses had been knocked askew on his face. 

Sirius shook his head. "Not 'til you admit it. Admit you're becoming Evans' bitch!"

 Then James stopped struggling, his face sobered and he turned his head to the side facing the door to the dormitory. "Oh, Hey Moony! Didn't hear you come in!" 

Sirius sat up instantly and followed James' gaze towards the door, which was still closed. No Moony in sight. Another loud yelp as James knocked him off, flipping them once again and pinning Sirius' wrists down. "Who's the bitch again?" He smirked and Sirius whined, trying to wriggle out from under him.

 "Cheater! Get off!"

"Nope. Not until you admit you're Moony's bitch, Padfoot." James mocked, chuckling.

 "This isn't about me, it's about you!" 

"Say you're Moony's bitch." 

 Sirius groaned, aggravated. "Alright, alright! I'm Moony's bitch!" 

"Are you?"

They both froze and looked towards the door again. This time Remus was there, an amused smile on his face as he crossed to his bed and dropped his bag on it. "Only you appear to be Prongs' bitch at the moment, Pads." He sat on the edge of his bed and chuckled. "Cheating on me, are you?"

 "Help me Moony, he's taking advantage! Aren't you going to protect my virtue?"

"Padfoot, we mustn't lie about having things when we don't. And you certainly haven't an ounce of virtue." He smirked when Sirius let out a pitiful whine, then he looked up at James. "However, out of curiosity, is there a reason you've got my boyfriend pinned to your bed, Prongs?"

 "He's a prat!"

"Fair enough." Remus shrugged, swinging his legs up onto the bed and leaning back against the headboard, ignoring Sirius' anguished cry of "MOONYYYYY!" and pulling his Advanced Defense text book out of his bag. 

 Sirius scowled at the werewolf for a moment, then grinned, turned his head and

"ARGH!" James jumped off, flailing as he fell off the bed with a loud thud. "REMUS YOUR STUPID MUTT LICKED ME!" 

 Remus tutted and shook his head, not looking up from his book. "Now James, I told you when we got the dog that he was going to be partially your responsibility." 

James grumbled something and stood up, brushing himself off and straightening his clothes while Sirius cackled and hopped off of James' bed, ducking when the bespectacled boy swung at him.

 "Moony, help!" He pleaded, still laughing as James glared at him. 

 Remus rolled his eyes and patted the spot on his bed beside him. "Padfoot, come."  

Sirius grinned and jumped onto the bed, transforming mid-leap and snuggling into Remus' side, panting happily as one of Remus' hands left his book to scratch behind his ear.

 "Moony can't protect you forever." James huffed. "You just wait, I've half a mind to have you neutered. I hear it greatly improves a dog's behavior." 

Padfoot's eyes went large and Remus mock gasped and covered the dog's ears with his hands. "Excuse you, Messer Prongs, but as irritable as Padfoot might be, could you perhaps threaten him with something that doesn't directly effect me as well?" 

"Right. I forgot, his balls are already in a jar in your trunk besides." 

 "Too right." Remus smirked, going back to his book and Padfoot gave an indignant whine. Remus chuckled and kissed the top of his head. "Your bits are safe, Pads. I promise."

The dog shifted until he was no longer a dog, but a boy once again who was straddling the werewolf's hips and smirking down at him. "Are they? I think you should check to make sure." He leaned down and pressed his lips to his laughing boyfriend's. James groaned and grabbed his books from his nightstand. 

 "Right. I'm going to find Pete then." He grumbled as the other two boys lost themselves in what was turning into a quite thorough snogging session, and he stormed from the room. 

Once the door was shut, Remus quickly flipped their positions so that he was on top and buried his face in Sirius' neck.

 "Want to tell me what that was about?" There was a slight growl to his voice. _I don't enjoy seeing someone else on top of you._

Sirius moaned as Remus' tongue swept across the mark on his throat. "Jamie's just been a prat lately, that's all." 

 "Hmmm..." Replied Remus distractedly, focusing on the task of licking and biting his mate's neck and shoulders. _You smell all wrong_. His fingers crept to the hem of Sirius' shirt and he pulled his mouth from the boy's flesh for a moment so he could pull the offending article up over his head, chucking it to the side and following suit with his own clothes. "James is always a prat, Padfoot. I imagine that's why the two of you are so close." 

 Sirius rolled his eyes, even as he tilted his head to the side in a submissive gesture to allow Remus' mouth more access. Remus hadn't seen him do it, but the following bite to the junction of his neck and shoulder was much sharper than the others had been, so Sirius supposed Remus had sensed his sass. "Sorry." He muttered, then he gasped when Remus' teeth closed on one of his nipples making him arch up pleasurably. "You can't say it's not been getting on your nerves too." 

 "Hmmm?" Remus was sucking a bruise into the pale skin of Sirius' hip bone. _Mine_.

Sirius let out a breathy laugh. "Love it when your possessive, Moons." His hands found their way into Remus' hair, fingers tightening when Remus' tongue traced along the waist of his trousers. "James and Evans, I mean." He continued to explain. "They're pretending to still get on each other's nerves because they won't admit they'd rather just be on, well, _each other_." 

"I assure you, Sirius, one can simultaneously get on one's nerves even while they want to be on each other." 

 "You wound me, Moony." He lifted his hips so that Remus could tug his jeans and boxers down. "But I mean it. I don't know how much longer I can take this whole charade they've been putting on for each other." He propped himself up on his elbows and smiled as he watched Remus affectionately nuzzling and licking. "I've been properly re-scented, then?" 

Remus nodded, looking far more content but still quite predatory while his hands gripped Sirius' legs and pried them apart. "Mmmm. Almost." He lightly licked at the sensitive skin where Sirius' thigh and pelvis met and Sirius squirmed and giggled.

 "Oi! That tickles!" 

"I suppose it has been a little tiring." Remus agreed thoughtfully, wrapping his long fingers around his mate's length and stroking him. Sirius sighed and let his head fall back onto the pillow. "I told Lily last year I reckoned she might not hate James as much as she let on, but she's very stubborn." He shrugged dismissively. "Nothing we can do about it. We can't force them to stop being berks and admit their feelings." 

Sirius sat up so quickly he nearly kneed Remus in the head. "Can't we?" 

 Remus frowned in confusion, glancing down at his hand that was still wrapped around the other boy and then back up again. "Er...what?" 

"Can't we force them to admit their feelings?" A grin was spreading across Sirius' face. The sort of grin he usually got when he thought up the perfect prank.

 "No." Remus said firmly, giving him a warning look. "No we cannot. We can't _force_ -" 

"No. No, you're right. 'Force' is a strong word...But maybe just, you know, _push_ -"

 "Sirius you cannot meddle in people's love lives."

"James being a prat is meddling in _our_ love life, Moony. Or are we not sitting here, starkers, talking about it while you should be shagging me into the mattress?" 

 "Merlin, you're right." 

"I'm not proposing we go and slip Evans a love potion or anything like that, I'm only saying that I use my persuasive charms to get her to see sense." 

 Remus snorted. "I'm sorry. You think _you_ can convince Lily to date James?" He shook his head. "Pads, she's as likely to say yes for you as she is for him." 

Sirius' brow furrowed. "So you reckon you could do better?" 

 "Well, considering Lily and I are friends, yes. Yes, I think I could." 

"Moony, how dare you doubt my methods of persuasion!" Sirius gasped dramatically, throwing his arm over his forehead and falling back against the pillows again. Remus chuckled and climbed up the length of his body, kissing and licking as he went. 

 "How about a wager then?" He whispered as he reached Sirius' ear, which he nipped teasingly. 

Sirius quirked an eyebrow and smirked. "Go on..." he urged, moaning as Remus rocked his hips down against his own.

 "I bet I can get Lily to say yes to James before you can." 

"And the terms, Mr Moony?" 

 Remus hummed thoughtfully as his hand traveled down between their bodies to resume what it had been doing earlier. "We can ask anyone else to assist, but James and Lily can't know what we're doing. No getting caught."

 "Magic?" 

"Permitted." Remus nodded, kissing Sirius' neck as his free hand grasped blindly around the bed for his wand. "No love spells or potions...Loser has to go down on the winner every day for a week whenever and wherever the winner wants." 

Sirius barked a laugh and reached up to cup Remus' chin. "Merlin, I love you." He pulled the werewolf in for a deep kiss, moaning into his mouth when Remus, who had found his wand, muttered a lubricating charm against his lips. 

 

 

 

 


	81. How to Cross The Fine Line - Year Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Becci (@Ask-themaraudersmap on tumblr) For helping me write James and Lily's fight in the beginning of this chapter!

 

The portrait slammed shut so hard that the students in the common room could hear the Fat Lady shouting her disapproval even over the bickering of the two students that had handled her so roughly  as they climbed through the entrance way. 

“I don’t even get why you’re that angry, Evans. I just did the same as you did,” James tried but Lily turned around, pushing her finger against James' chest and looking up at him with fire in her emerald eyes.

“You punished him. With magic. You’re _not. Supposed. To. Do. That_.” With each word she pushed James back with her finger.

“What else should I have done, Evans? She cried! That was the right thing to do. Nobody will know and-”

“I know. And Minett and Patton know”

“And? What difference does it make?” James asked and made a step back so she finally lowered her hand. Lily rubbed her right temple for a second. “And after all she wasn’t crying anymore. So it was a good thing, wasn’t it?”

“ _No,_ it _wasn’t._ You should have taken points from them, from both of them and not trying out a new hex,” Lily argued and narrowed her eyes. Her cheeks were slightly pink from anger.

James chuckled to himself. "Now that's not entirely true, Evans. It wasn't a new hex, I've tested it out on plenty of Slytherins." That didn't seem to make Lily feel any better, in fact it appeared to infuriate her even further and she balked at him. "Patton hexed her first. And Minett cried. And in the end she stopped crying and he learned that he shouldn’t do something like that. It was justified, okay? He would never get it just by taking 10 points from him. And it was more important to make him leave, anyway. She was scared! He needed a taste of his own medicine and she needed a laugh. I killed two birds with one stone if you ask me. Besides, it's not like I hurt him. Those hiccups he's got will clear in a day or two, as long as he doesn't go 'round hexing anyone else." 

 The whole common room was watching as Lily's anger seemed to falter slightly and her expression softened somewhat as she struggled with what to say to combat James' defense. She huffed. "You don't have to be so bloody righteous all the time." 

"Is that the problem, then? I have too much of a sense of justice?" James smirked, his eyebrow quirking up as Lily turned an even deeper shade of pink.

 "That is not what I said." She said through gritted teeth. She took a deep breath and everyone in the common room held theirs, waiting for her next move. "It's just..." She eyed him up and down and James' watched with amused anticipation as her eyes checked his hair, then his face and down to the messily tied necktie and the shirt that was full of wrinkles. It was as if she was looking for some other reason to be angry with him. But nothing came out of her mouth.

"Yes, Evans?" He prompted, his hand rising to mess with his hair and Lily's eyes grew double in size as she smacked his hand down. 

 "Stop doing that!" She hissed. "Your hair's enough of a mess as it is, for Merlin's sake! And stop...stop saying my name with every sentence! I know you're speaking to me without having to be formally addressed every other moment!"

James held his hands up in surrender. "Alright, alright. No 'Eye For an Eye' mentality on rounds, no hair-touching and no using your name. Anything else, Evans?"  Lily glared. "Sorry Evans- Oh, whoops. Last time, Evans, I promise." 

 Lily covered her face with her hands and took in another deep breath. When she lowered her hands, she was shaking her head and there was a small, begrudgingly amused smile playing at her lips. "Potter, you...you are absolutely incorrigible." She pushed past him and headed towards the girls dorm.

"It's part of my charm!" James called after her with a goofy, smitten grin on his face. He waited until he heard the door to the girl's dorm shut before he went off on the opposite stairs to the boy's without acknowledging the audience of their housemates that were still watching.

 "That," Sirius said finally, once both of them were out of ear shot. "Was the strangest form of foreplay I have ever seen. They'll have a fascinating sex life some day. I wonder if their safe word will be 'Snivellus'..."  

Remus smacked him with a rolled up prophet. 

-

Peter knew something was up when Sirius requested they partner up in potions.

 "Wormtail, I am wounded!" Sirius had gasped dramatically when Peter fixed him with a suspicious look. "We are supposed to be friends! Comrades! Pals! And here you are questioning my motives to spend a little quality time with you?" 

"You could have asked me for a round of chess." 

Sirius shrugged. "We've never been potions partners before." 

"I'm pants at potions, Padfoot." 

"So's Moony, but I pair with him all the time." 

 Peter rolled his eyes. "You pair with Moony so you can pretend to help him stir the cauldron correctly while you're actually feeling each other up under the desk and you think no one notices." He raised an eyebrow at Sirius when the taller boy couldn't deny the accusation. "No offense, Pads, but I think you'll find me a much less enticing partner." 

Sirius growled in frustration before he finally let out a resigned sigh and scooted his stool closer to Peter, lowering his voice. "Alright, look. I've been plotting-"

 "Shocker." 

"-And I need your help, but you need to promise you won't go spilling to James." He fixed Peter with his best pleading puppy eyes. The ones he usually reserved for Remus when the werewolf was adamantly against a prank idea and needed to be convinced.

 Peter frowned in confusion. "You want me to keep it from _James_?"  

"Yes." 

 "And why isn't Moony helping you?" He asked cautiously. If it was something James couldn't know about and Remus refused to help despite Sirius' specific techniques of persuading his boyfriend, Peter was sure it couldn't be a good, or particularly safe, plan.

"Moony's the enemy, Wormtail. It's us against him, and he's a right clever little sneak -makes me proud, honestly - so we need to be stealthy and that's why I need you. Moony and I have a bet going and I need you to help me get Evans to date James." 

"You're barking mad, Padfoot." Peter said flatly, shaking his head. "Or you've got some sort of death wish."

 "This shouldn't really come as a surprise to you anymore, you know." Sirius pointed out as he began to pluck the wings off of the dead beetles that were placed in front of them. "It's not like we're trying to force them to do anything they don't already want to do. We're just giving them a little push to ease their stubborn heads out of their own arses. You can't say you aren't getting tired of this whole 'Will They, Won't They' routine they've been carrying on with the last two months. Every time they come into the common room fighting with each other I'm about ready to spell their clothes off so they can skip the banter and get right to shagging."

 Peter snorted, pulling the bowl of lacewing flies to him and starting to crush them. "Well let me be the first to thank you for not doing that. It's bad enough listening to you and Moony in the dorm, I don't need to witness James and Lily going at it right in the bloody common room."

"Are you going to help me or not, Peter?"  

 Peter bit his lip and risked a look over his shoulder at James who was so preoccupied with watching Lily across the room that Remus had to keep hitting him with a stinging hex to bring his attention back to the cauldron in front of them. "I don't know, Sirius...It seems a little... _wrong_?"

 "What's so wrong about true love, Wormtail!" 

"Lily just really seems to hate the way James goes about it, that's all." 

 "Nonsense!" Sirius declared. "There's a fine line between love and hate, Peter. All we're going to do is help them cross it. We just need to figure out how. So here's my thought..." 

Peter sighed and resigned himself to listening to Sirius ramble off his elaborate plans to get Lily to agree to date James. The plans went from simple things like putting a sticking charm on them so they had to spend an entire day together, to locking them in a room and turning that room into a sauna that would become so hot they would be forced to take off all of their clothes and they would become so desperately turned on they would finally throw caution to the wind and make - what Sirius eloquently called - steamy, passionate, hetero-love to each other.  

 Peter chewed his bottom lip nervously, debating whether or not it would be worth trying to convince Sirius to just let it be. "Pads, remember back in Fourth when you and Moony were practically unable to look at each other without drooling all over yourselves?" 

 "Yes." 

"And it was pretty obvious to the rest of us, but you two were too bloody stubborn to just say you fancied each other?" 

 Sirius smiled fondly at the memory and nodded. "Yeah, why?" 

"James didn't interfere. He let you two idiots sort yourselves on your own even though watching the two of you was driving everyone absolutely bonkers." 

 "So?" 

Peter stared at him incredulously for a moment, wondering if Sirius was purposely ignoring his obvious point or if he actually had to spell it out for him. For someone so brilliantly intelligent, Padfoot could be incredibly thick sometimes. "Shouldn't you give him the same respect?"

 Sirius rolled his eyes, waving his hand dismissively. "Totally different situation, Wormtail."

Peter wasn't exactly sure how, so he concluded that it was no use trying to convince the other boy against his plan.

 He should really say no, he thought to himself as Sirius continued to explain about a potion he found in the restricted section that would render the drinker completely unable to say no to something as long is it was something that they did, in truth, want. He should tell Sirius that it was wrong to force Lily to be with James if she wasn't ready to admit that that was what she wanted, even if he did agree that it was beginning to become ridiculous watching the Head Boy and Girl make eyes at one another while they pretended to only tolerate each other's presence. He should refuse to help, but he knew he wouldn't. Sirius would only continue to pester him about it until he agreed and besides, it wasn't very often that Sirius came to him personally for anything, and that did feel pretty good. 

 It wasn't that Peter doubted that Sirius valued him as a friend. Sirius was the type of person who wouldn't give someone the time of day if he didn't have the desire to do so. Peter just knew that compared to James - who was practically Sirius' brother - and Remus - who was Sirius'...everything else....- he came in at a solid third place and even so, he was most likely tied  with Marlene. The fact that Sirius wanted his help and even claimed to need his specific set of skills, whatever they may be, did give him a slight boost of self esteem.

 "Alright." Said Peter with a proud grin. "I'm in." he grabbed a fist full of the beetle wings that Sirius had piled on the desk and, with far more confidence than he usually possessed in Potions class, dropped them into the cauldron before he had time to register the look of horror on Sirius' face as he jumped to stop him just milliseconds too late.

 "Pete, no!" 

_POOF_

A cloud of thick, hazy purple smoke erupted from the cauldron, filling the entire room and making everyone gasp and choke for air. Just as Peter himself felt as though he were about to faint from lack of oxygen - which to be honest, he was sure he would prefer over the pit of humiliation and shame forming in his stomach at having ruined yet another potion - there was a _woosh_ of fresh, clean air and the smoke began to disappear, being sucked away into what Peter could finally see was Lily's wand, which she had pointed straight up into the air while she covered her nose and mouth with her uniform shirt. 

 "Thank - _cough_ \- Thank you, Miss Evans!" Slughorn wheezed, using his hand to fan the smoke away from his face. "Mr. Pettigrew, perhaps it's best if you let Mr. Black handle the actual brewing from here on? You just...don't touch anything else." 

Feeling his face heat up, Peter sunk down into his chair and risked a look at Sirius. "Sorry Pads..." He muttered sheepishly. "I expect you probably don't want my help, then?" 

 He expected Sirius to glare at him, his short fused temper was often provoked by Peter's clumsy blunders and he waited to hear the slew of harsh criticism that Sirius was bound to give him. Instead, Peter saw a rare thing indeed when Sirius bit his lip and took a deep breath, eyes closed and brow furrowed as he tried hard not to just shout at the smaller boy like he clearly wanted to. His face relaxed and he smiled. "S'alright, Wormy. We'll just leave any potion brewing to me." He patted Peter on the back, taking an extra moment to squeeze his shoulder and Peter beamed at him. 

 Behind them, James was complimenting Lily's expert use of a suction charm and Remus hit him with a particularly painful stinging hex when that compliment turned into a rather distasteful innuendo. 

 -

 It was just before eleven at night, about the time that rounds ended and the Head Boy and Head Girl made their last check around the castle before heading back to their dorms for the night when they heard sniffling from behind the tapestry of Uric The Oddball. Lily had moved to go and check, but James held a hand up to stop her before taking out his wand, stepping forward and slowly peeling back the corner of the tapestry. 

 It was a first year Hufflepuff, sitting in the corner with tears streaming down her face.

When she saw James, her eyes widened and she immediately stuttered out an apology as best as she could through her hiccuping sobs and she scrambled to get to her feet.

 "Whoa, hey, easy..." James said softly, crouching down beside the girl and putting a hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong? Are you hurt? Did someone attack you?" His voice was very gentle, a tone that Lily had never heard him use before and it made her chest tighten as she watched him put a comforting arm around the girl while she explained, tearfully, that she had just received an owl from her parents that her Uncle, who had been an Auror, and his wife, a muggle, had been found dead at the hands of Death Eaters.

James had pulled the girl into his arms, letting her cry onto his shoulder and completely soaking his shirt as he rubbed her back and muttered what little comfort he could think of. His eyes met Lily's over the top of the girl's head and only then did Lily realize she had tears in her's as well. James smiled sadly. 

 "It's going to be alright." He said. Lily wasn't sure if he was talking to the Hufflepuff or to her or both. "This war won't last forever. It's going to be okay." 

Once the girl, who's name was Addie McAllister, had stopped crying enough to stand upright, Lily offered her a handkerchief and she accepted it with a shy smile.

 "We'll walk you back to your common room." Lily insisted. "Won't we, James?"

James nodded. "Of course."

 They walked towards Hufflepuff common room, listening to Addie talk about how much she had looked up to her uncle and what a kind a wonderful muggle woman her aunt had been. The tears had stopped, but she was still taking hitched, shaking breaths and sniffling now and then. James stopped suddenly as they were about to round the corner of the hall that lead to the stack of barrels hiding the entrance to Hufflepuff and turned to face a large painting of a bowl of fruit. 

 Lily frowned. "Potter?"

"Just a second." He smirked at Lily before reaching up to tickle the pear in the bowl of fruit.

 Lily let out a laugh. "What on earth are you doing?"

"You'll see."

 Lily and Addie both gasped as the painting moved aside and allowed James to enter what appeared to be the school's kitchen, much to their surprise and they stared in amazement as James walked in nonchalantly, as if he belonged there and started talking to the House Elves as if they were personal friends of his.

"Three hot chocolates please, Lolly. And...hmm, have you got any treacle tart left over from dinner? I'll take a bit of that and a chocolate biscuit for my friend Addie, there. Thanks."

 As the little elf ran off and several other elves hurried over, insisting that Addie take a seat and giving her a glass of water, James turned back to Lily with that stupidly wonderful grin of his.

 Lily folded her arms and raised an eyebrow, a tiny smirk on her own lips. "What? No midnight snack for me then?"

James chuckled and shook his head. "Don't be silly." He walked past her to open up a tall cupboard door revealing boxes of crackers and biscuits and other sweets. He scratched his chin thoughtfully for a moment. "You, Miss Evans, prefer...Ah!" He reached up and pulled out long, thin, yellow package. "Brandy snaps. Though Merlin knows why you're so fond of these silly things when you can have fresh tart..." He shrugged and handed the box to her.

 Lily blushed slightly, opening the box and giving James an indignant glare. "They remind me of home if you must know, Potter."  She took a bite of the sweet, brittle treat defiantly. 

Once they had all finished their hot chocolates and their snacks, they said goodbye to the house elves and walked Addie the rest of the way back to her common room. She thanked them both and hugged them before waving shyly and disappearing behind the barrels. 

 Lily and James were both quiet as they walked slowly back up to Gyffindor Tower. 

"So," Said Lily, clearing her throat to ease the awkward silence between them. "How d'you know I like brandy snaps so much?" 

 James laughed. "I know more than you think, Evans." Lily frowned questioningly and James smirked. "I know that your favorite color is green," He went on. "And that your boggart usually takes the form of a clown, of all things-" 

 "I had a traumatic third birthday!" Lily defended, feigning offense even though she was laughing.

"-I know that you write to your sister every week even though she hasn't written back to you since second year." 

 Lily stopped laughing, snapping her mouth shut and coming to a halt just as they approached the portrait of the Fat Lady. James stopped and turned to look at her. 

"How do you know that?" She asked quietly. 

 James bit his lip and a hand shot up to muss through his hair. "Sirius- He didn't tell me, I promise! He's good like that, he wouldn't tell me something you told him not to or anything. I just know you two talk about your...well, your family stuff. I know you go to the owlry every friday and you always seem disappointed when the mail comes through at breakfast and Titania hasn't brought you a return letter." 

 Lily swallowed past the lump in her throat, her hands clenching tightly at her sides. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do to James Potter in that moment. She didn't know if she should punch him for keeping such a watchful eye on her, or kiss him for noticing such intimate things. 

James swore under his breath. "Look, Lily, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything about it. It's just that...well, I see what it does to Sirius, having a sibling that wants nothing to do with him. He hides it well - almost as well as you do - but I know he's hurt every time Regulus walks past without looking at him. He doesn't deserve that and neither do you. If your sister doesn't want to speak to you, that's her loss. And it's a pretty big loss if you ask me." 

Lily was quiet for a moment, taking in everything James was saying. She licked her lips nervously, staring down at her shoes. "Sirius is lucky to have you." 

 James smiled gently and shrugged. "You could have me too, you know." Lily's eyes shot back up and she opened her mouth to retort but James spoke first. "If you ever wanted someone to talk to, I mean. You could have me too. Maybe over dinner next Hogsmeade weekend." 

Lily felt her heart thumping in her chest and for the very first time, she almost felt like she may just want to say yes. But she couldn't. 

 She smiled and shook her head. "In your dreams, Potter." 

James slumped slightly in defeat before he turned to the portrait, said the password and gestured for Lily to go first. They were silent as they separated and went to their dorms. 


	82. The Patronus Charm (Part 1) - Year Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the extended wait, guys! September and October were stressful months with the move, wedding, honeymoon and working at the haunted house! As great as everything was, I am so glad it's over and my schedule is back to normal! Hopefully I can get back onto a regular updating schedule again! Thanks so much for all the love and support and patience! And a BIG thank you to everyone who nominated and voted for this fic in the Shrieking Shack Society Marauder Medals! I am pleased to announce that We Were Infinite was the winner in three different categories:  
> Best Canon  
> Best Pairing (Wolfstar)  
> and  
> Best Characterization of James Potter!
> 
> You guys rock!

It had been over a week since Sirius had began plotting to assist - or at least what he considered 'assisting' - his unknowing best friend in obtaining the girl of his dreams, and so far every single one of his plans had backfired.

 He had tried to slip a True Desire potion into Lily's morning tea which, had it been successful, would have made it so that she could not deny herself whatever she truly wanted. The potion itself had been quite successful and probably would have done the trick had the redhead actually been the one to ingest it however, someone had switched Lily's cup with his own at the last possible moment. Sirius didn't have to wonder who had made the switch when, just as he and James were about to run off to the Quidditch pitch to toss a quaffle around, Remus leaned in and quietly asked him if he would like to meet him in the prefect's bathroom instead and he found himself unable to even pretend to be sorry for blowing off his plans with James. Remus was really far too sneaky, though it didn't occur to Sirius to mind. 

 The sticking charm he had aimed at the Head boy and girl one afternoon, meant to make them literally attached to each other for twenty four hours, had ricocheted off of the charm bracelet Lily wore on his wrist and instead hit Peter who was sent to the Hospital wing to have a jar of pickled toad detached from his hand. The very next day he was back in the infirmary spouting some lie about why his eyebrow was singed off after Sirius dragged him into the ill advised plot to lock James and Lily in a heated room until they had to strip down. Peter stopped helping Sirius after that, but Sirius didn't give up so easily. 

 "Oy, Black! Do you mind telling us why we were stuck under a charmed mistletoe for ten bloody minutes just now?" Dorcas glared pointedly at Sirius, looking rather disheveled beside an equally curious - though less annoyed - Marlene.

Sirius shrugged innocently. "I was only trying to decorate for the party tomorrow. I thought it was festive." 

"It's Halloween, Sirius." Said Marlene, raising one perfectly arched blonde eyebrow.

 Sirius frowned and took his wand from his back pocket, pointing it up at the mistletoe that hung above the entrance to the common room. The berries doubled in size and turned from a deep red to bright orange and with another flick of his wand, smiling jack-o-lantern faces appeared on them. "There. Now it's seasonally appropriate." 

 Marlene snorted behind her hand and Dorcas, though smiling with amusement as well, rolled her eyes. "My question still stands. Why?" 

"Right, like you're really so put off to have had to snog each other." Said Sirius defensively. He grinned when Marlene caught his eye and winked. "I'm merely aiding our fellow Gryffindors in their lustful endeavors, Dory. Why does it have to be Christmas to begin spreading the love and joy around, eh?" 

 Marlene gave him a disbelieving look and shook her head. "That's not suspicious at all." 

The only upside, Sirius thought, was that at least Remus wasn't having any better luck than he was.

-

"POTTER'S IN POSSESSION OF THE QUAFFLE! HE DODGES THE BLUDGER HIT BY O'DONNEL! Yeah, That's right O'Donnel, I saw that you sneaky little twit! And don't think I've forgotten that ten galleons you owe me-" 

 "Black! What did I tell you about announcing personal grudges during matches?" 

"Sorry, Professor. Right you are. POTTER PASSES TO MCLAGGIN AND- IT'S INTERCEPTED BY HUFFLEPUFF CHASER IMOGEN DAILEY! Quick on a broom, that one. I hear that's not all she's fast to jump on-"

 "Detention, Black!" 

"Oh come on, Minnie! It's my birthday, lighten up!" 

"I'll bring you a birthday cupcake while you scrub cauldrons." 

"You're too kind, Professor." 

Up in the stands Remus rolled his eyes, though he was still smiling behind the scarf he had wound tightly around his face and neck to protect him from the bitter chill of early November. He wondered what was taking Peter so long to return with the hot chocolate he had hurried off to get for them. He turned to scan the crowd for the other boy and was surprised to find not Peter standing behind him, but Lily Evans with her hands stuffed in the pockets of her warm coat and a hat fit snug on top of her head, green eyes looking out onto the pitch with some uncertainty. 

 "Suddenly a sports fan, Lily?" Remus asked, his eyebrow arching knowingly as he saw her catch a glimpse of James flying by. 

Lily shrugged, trying to seem as apathetic as possible. "I finished with my homework and everyone else was out here. I don't _hate_  Quidditch, you know. I figured I'd come out and support  the Gryffindor team." 

"POTTER SCORES FOR GRYFFINDOR!" 

The crowd screamed and Lily did an involuntary jump of excitement. "GO POTTER!"

 Remus chuckled and nodded. "Right. 'The Team'. No one specific." 

Lily glared and shook her head. "It doesn't mean anything. He's a talented player." 

 "He is." Remus agreed, looking back out at the pitch as James flew past them, grinning proudly and egging the cheering masses of students on. "And that uniform suits his arse rather well." 

 Lily nodded, humming in agreement until she caught herself, eyes widening and she punched Remus in the arm. "Don't you dare tell him I said that, Remus Lupin!" 

Remus held up his gloved hands in surrender. "Not a word, I promise." He watched as she relaxed and went back to watching the game. "I don't see why you're still trying so hard to deny it, though." 

 " _Remus_..." 

"Must be exhausting." 

 "Not as exhausting as it would be dating James Potter." 

"So you've thought about it, then?" 

 "You are infuriating, you know." 

"A quality I've picked up from James and Sirius, no doubt." Remus smirked behind his scarf as Lily rolled her eyes and folded her arms. Remus let out a sigh and put an arm around her. "Sorry. I was only teasing you, Lily. I understand it's not so simple given the history you and James have and everything. It just seems like-" 

 "It's the point of the thing, Remus." Said Lily, sounding a mix of agitated and defeated. "What if I finally agree to it and I've been right all along and it's a bloody disaster and all I've done is make his ego inflate even more?"

Remus shook his head. "Impossible. If it inflated anymore it would explode and then he'd cease to exist and this would be a non issue."

Lily allowed herself to laugh at that. Then she sighed. "And what if it _does_ work out? And suddenly I'm some idiot in love with James Potter?" 

"You would never be 'some idiot', Lily." Remus smiled softly. "And you'll never know unless you try." 

 "I can't. Not...not yet..."

Remus frowned. "What? Are you waiting for some sort of sign? Divination is a joke, Lily. You aren't going to find the answer in your tea leaves." 

She shook her head. "No...I suppose not." 

_

 

Defense Against The Dark Arts had always been Remus' favorite subject, give or take a few topics that he wished he could have skipped over rather than having to stare at his desk, ducking his head to hide his face as if the whole class would suddenly realize what he was simply from a very vague and honestly not completely factual lecture.

 However, Professor Furgal,who taught Defense, was far from Remus' favorite professor. 

 He wasn't a bad teacher by any means. He was knowledgeable enough and very attentive and willing to give students any extra help they may need.  Of course, there had been that time in third year while they were discussing Remus' least favorite topic in class when the professor had blurted out a personal opinion of his that struck a chord with the young Gryffindor. He had argued about basic human rights with the older man, who countered back that werewolves weren't necessarily qualified under human and then, before Remus could stand to march out of the class, Sirius set off a triple strength dungbomb under the table and the class had to be dismissed early. 

 Political views aside, there was something else that bothered Remus about Professor Furgal. He was very noticeably good looking for an older man and nothing entertained Sirius more than to harp on that fact and get under the professor's skin. Furgal was a strict teacher, who although favored Sirius and James for their talent and intelligence, he was not one for nonsense and was quick to put it to an end immediately. 

 Remus sighed as he watched his boyfriend drop his school bag on the floor by his desk before flaunting up to the front of the room and perching himself on Furgal's with a cocky smirk. 

 "Afternoon Furgy. You're looking rather fit lately. Been working out?" 

"I will not warn you again, Mr. Black." Furgal sighed, shaking his head and not giving Sirius the satisfaction of even looking his way. "Sit down. We've an important lesson today."

 "I _am_ sitting, Professor." Sirius quipped smartly, making several girls in the class giggle. 

 "Detention, Black. Go sit in your own seat." 

 Sirius chuckled to himself and slid off the desk. As he plopped into his own seat beside Remus he groaned softly and uttered "Ugh _, yes,_ punish me Professor." 

 Remus glared. "Really, Sirius?"

"What? You've got to admit, the man's not exactly hard to look at." 

Remus rolled his eyes. "He believes werewolves should have to register and be thrown into cages overseen by the ministry to transform. Excuse me if I'm not cumming in my pants at the sight of him."

Sirius chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't care for his politics, I just love those strong hands _. Mmf_. Y'know he was helping me with my wand grip the other day-"

 "Sirius Black you are disgusting." Remus grimaced.

"My actual wand, Moony! Relax! I was having trouble with Blocking spells." 

Remus snorted and shook his head. "You're the best dueler in the school. Since when do you need help with blocking?" 

 "Since I found out it would make Ol' Furgy come and stand behind me with those hands on my wrist, showing me how to hold a wand proper." Sirius let out a blissful sigh and leaned back in his seat. "I should pretend to be less than perfect more often." 

 Remus felt his lip twitch up in a sneer, preparing to bare his teeth and growl possessively at the idea of someone touching his mate like that. He firmly clenched his jaw and took a slow breath before allowing himself to turn his gaze back to his boyfriend. Sirius was lounging in his chair, tilted back on its hind legs. His hair was tied back and his throat was exposed. Now Remus did growl.

 "Must you behave like this when I can't drag you off into a deserted class room and deal with you properly?" 

Sirius barked a laugh. "Because it makes it all the better when you finally can." He winked playfully and let the front legs of his chair fall back to the ground with a soft thud. He sat up straight and did a quick scan of the room to make sure no one was looking before leaning in and kissing the corner of Remus' mouth. 

 "You know I'm only teasing, right love?" 

"Hmmm." Remus hummed noncommittally, busying himself with taking out his text book and the written assignment from the previous class. 

 Sirius pouted and tried his luck by kissing the werewolf again, this time by the ear. " _Moonyyyyy_..." Another kiss to the side of his neck. "I only do it because I love how hot you get when you're all possessive and  jealous."

 Remus sighed in defeat. "You're such a pain in the arse." 

"But you love me."

"Unfortunately for me that's correct." 

The rest of the class trickled in, along with James and Peter who took their seats behind Remus and Sirius.

 "Did we miss Sirius' weekly attempt at getting into Furgal's pants?" Asked James, grinning at the look of annoyance on Remus' face. 

"New record. Only took about three minutes for him to get detention." Remus informed them. "Which of course only spurred him on. His actual words were-" He slumped down in his chair, screwed up his face in an exaggerated expression of bliss and did his best impression of Sirius' aroused sigh. "'Oh yes, punish me, Professor.'" 

 James and Peter both let out a loud laugh at Remus' reenactment and James shook his head, smacking Sirius in the back of the head. "You really love to see how far you can push, don't you?" 

Sirius smirked darkly. "Love to see how far _he_ could push." 

Remus groaned, folding his arms. "It's fine. Your boyfriend isn't sitting right here or anything." 

 Sirius was about to respond, undoubtedly with more apologies and promises to make it up to Remus later on, when Professor Furgal finally took his place at the front of the class and cleared his throat. 

 "Settle down, now, settle down." He gave Sirius a pointed look, to which the boy feigned an innocent look and nodded for the teacher to carry on. "Now then, I do hope you all remembered last week's assignment, as it is of utmost importance to today's lesson. Everyone please take out your assignments. No, Miss Evans, you won't have to pass it into me, you may hold onto it.

 Now then, your assignment was to write down, in as much detail as possible, three of the most happy memories you can think of. Simple enough, yes?" 

The class murmured in agreement, everyone looking around at their neighbor with the slightest hint of confusion. 

 "It's odd of course," Furgal went on, clapping his hands behind his back. "That such a simple assignment would be so important to this lesson, which I assure you will be one of the hardest and most crucial things you have ever or will ever learn as a wizard. Would anyone like to venture a guess at what this may be?" 

 The class was silent, contemplating. Out of the corner of his eye, Remus could see that Lily was debating whether or not to have a guess.

 _Happiest memory_.. _.difficult and most crucial magic._..

 "Is it..." Remus hesitated. "Is it the Patronus Charm, sir?" 

Furgal gave a pleased smile and nodded. "Very good, Mr. Lupin, yes. 10 points to Gryffindor." 

An excited chatter broke out around the class. This was the lesson most young witches and wizards were waiting for since first year, maybe even longer. Furgal waited for everyone to simmer down again before he continued to explain the logistics behind the Patronus Charm as every student sat eagerly on the edge of their seats to listen. 

"The Patronus Charm is the most famous and one of the most powerful defensive charms known to Wizardkind. It is an immensely complicated and extremely difficult spell that evokes a partially-tangible positive energy force known as Patronus, also known in some parts of the world as a spirit guardian. It is the primary protection against Dementors and Lethifolds against which there are no other means of defense. There are two different forms a Patronus can take. Does anyone know what they are? Miss Evans?"  

 "Corporeal and Uncorporeal" Lily answered swiftly, sitting up a little straighter. "A Corporeal Patronus takes the form of an animal, supposedly the animal representation of a witch or wizard's soul. An Uncorporeal Patronus doesn't take a shape at all and it's significantly less effective most of the time." 

"Excellent, Miss Evans. Perfect. Ten Points to you as well.  The Patronus represents that which is hidden, unknown but necessary within the personality. When a human confronted with inhuman evil, such as the Dementor, they must draw upon resources he or she may never have needed, and the Patronus is the awakened secret self that lies dormant until needed, but which must now be brought to light. Patronuses take forms that their casters might not expect, for which they have never felt a particular affinity, or (in rare cases) even recognise. Now, before we go getting carried away, I want to remind you all that much like with wands, it's not the size of your patronus that matters-" 

 Sirius snorted. Remus elbowed him in the rib.

"There have been many accounts of Wizards who produce small animals as their patronus that were far more powerful than someone who's patronus took the form of an Ox. Mr. Black, did you have a question?" He fixed Sirius with a warning stare and Sirius had to take a deep breath to control the fit of giggles that was threatening to escape. He cleared his throat. 

 "Er, yes. I was just wondering how big your patronus was professor?" 

A few other students snickered. James turned a laugh into a coughing fit and Peter snorted. Remus sunk down in his seat and covered his face with his hands.

_I'm going to slaughter you. And not in a fun way. Slow and painful._

Sirius gave him a sheepish look.

Much to everyone's surprise, Furgal did not take away points or tack on an extra detention to Sirius' quickly filling schedule. Instead, he gave a cocky smirk that would match Sirius' own any day, drew his wand and cleared his throat before saying, with absolute clear annunciation 

 " _Expecto Patronum_!" Blinding silver light shot out from the Professor's wand. It took a moment for their eyes to adjust to make out it's form, but it was quite massive. The whole class let out a gasp as a powerful, sturdy, yet graceful silver Clydesdale stallion reared back on it's hind legs and galloped a lap around the classroom before disappearing back into the wand from which it came. After a moment of stunned awe and silence, the students erupted into applauds.

 "That was wicked, Professor!" 

"Did you see? It was _beautiful_!"

 "I want to try!"

"Yes we're all going to have a chance to try. Just keep in mind that this is exceptionally difficult magic. Don't be put off if you can't master it right away, most cannot. In fact there are many witches and wizards who never master this spell, but you'll never know without a proper try. Alright, Potter, Black, help me move these desks out of the way, then." 

The first day of Patronus lessons was a considerable disappointment. Most students got frustrated after the first few tries when not even a puff of smoke leaked from their wands. By the end of the class, it was Sirius who managed to get anything at all to happen, and even then it was barely a bit of silvery mist and a depressingly dry coughing sound. 

 "Don't be discouraged," Professor Furgal told them once again as they packed their belongings at the end of class, each student looking more defeated than the next. "You made great progress whether you know it or not. Really think about those happy memories before next class. Dig deep into your mind and find the happiest there is." 

The following class wasn't much better. Sirius nearly threw his wand across the room when he couldn't even get the sad cough mist to happen again, but this time some sort of molten silver liquid poured out of Lily's wand and onto the floor causing Bellatrix to slip and fall when she walked through it in the middle of a dramatic storm off from the frustration of not yet being successful at her own attempt at the charm. 

Sirius barked a laugh. "Hey Lily look, yours really did fend off evil creatures!" 

 Lily bit back her own giggle and winked at him. "I consider that a success, then." 

Remus nearly fell over when a steady stream of mist erupted from his wand on the third day. 

 "Very good, Mr. Lupin!" Furgal clapped him on the back. "Excellent progress. See everyone? Concentration and practice. Really think about those memories. It has to be a strong one!" Sirius and James let out a loud 'WHOOP!' and Sirius beamed proudly at him making his face grow warm. 

-

 _My happiest memory..._ Sirius thought to himself, eyes screwed shut in concentration and tongue poking out from his lips as he clutched his wand tightly in his hand. It was surprisingly not hard for him to recall the times he had been the happiest. When the assignment had first been given, Sirius had felt a pang of anxiety in his stomach. His childhood had been dark and dismal and his mind was full of awful recollections of being shouted at, cursed and disowned by his own family. However, he realized as he laid in bed that very night with his head on Remus' chest, listening to the other boy's soft snores, it was because of how miserable his past had been that those few happy memories seemed to stick out, shining brightly among the darkness.

_My happiest memory...._

_**“Black, Sirius!”** _

_**There was a murmur throughout the Great Hall as some students craned their necks or even stood to get a look at the heir to the infamous Black fortune. Throwing his shoulders back and swallowing hard past the lump in his throat, Sirius walked up, sat on the stool and risked a look over at the Slytherin table where his cousins were scooting over to leave room for him. His stomach dropped as Professor McGonagall lowered the hat onto his head.** _

_**Unlike Bellatrix, the hat did not immediately call out a house assignment. Instead, Sirius heard a voice coming from deep inside his head;** _

_**“Well now, another Black. I’d have thought you’d be as easily placed as your cousins.”** _

**I’m nothing like my cousins.** _**Sirius thought fiercely.** _

_**“Well I wouldn’t go that far.” Said the voice. “I see a lot of ambition, and you’re certainly very cunning, Mister Black. You’d be a star pupil for Slytherin.”** _

**NO!** _**Sirius gritted his teeth so that he wouldn’t accidently say it out loud.** _ **Not Slytherin. I’ll leave. I’ll run off. You can’t make me stay. I refuse.**

_**“Rather hot headed, aren’t you? But I see loyalty in you, Sirius Black. And bravery. Yes…well then, I think I’ll put you in GRYFFINDOR!”** _

_**There was a loud gasp throughout the entire hall followed by a deathly silence and Sirius could feel the piercing cold glares of his cousins as he slid off the stool and headed to the table at the opposite end of the room. His footsteps seemed to echo in the shocked silence until;** _

_**“YEAH SIRIUS!” Shouted James Potter from the crowd. “YOU DID IT MATE!” And with that, the room erupted with cheers as they had for the other students.** _

Being sorted into Gryffindor, away from his cousins, being officially told he wasn't like his family. His heart sang and he felt his confidence boost. " _Expecto Patronum!"_ Another bout of silver mist, but this time it was at least a little stronger as it puffed out of his wand. _Alright, getting closer_...

_**"-and you deserve someone who is going to love every fucking part of you, including the wolf! So just stop telling yourself that no ones ever going to love you because for fuck sake, I fucking love you! I've loved you for as long as I can remember but you're too fucking full of self pity to notice-"** _

_**"Sirius..." Remus breathed, his eyes wide in shock, but Sirius continued to rant.** _

_**"And I've tried! I've tried so bloody hard to make those feelings go away but-"** _

_**"Sirius!" Remus stood.** _

_**"They won't! So you can go ahead and hate me for this, but I-" Sirius gasped as Remus grabbed his face with both hands and crushed their mouths together.** _

_" **You..." Remus licked his lips. "You love me?"**_

_**Sirius nodded. "I think I always have, Moony..." He reached up to brush the fringe of Remus' hair out of his eyes.** _

_**Remus half laughed, half choked. "I love you too, Sirius."** _

It was everything he had hoped and dreamed for. He had spent years secretly pining over his friend, his beautiful, sweet, strong Moony who he never thought could ever return his feelings. After all, Sirius didn't deserve someone as unfailingly kind and wonderful as Remus. But Remus had kissed him. Remus had told him he loved him as well...

 _"Expecto Patronum_!" 

_**"Ow." Sirius winced.** _

_**"Wuss." Muttered James, dropping the knife on the counter. He sighed and locked eyes with Sirius, raising the hand that still held the boys' wrist. "Your blood," he held up his own slit hand. "My blood." He pressed their palms together firmly. "Our blood. You're my brother, Sirius. Forever. No matter what happens, it's me and you. Got it? So I don't want to hear anymore about your stupid family or evil being in your veins, because as far as I'm concerned, whatever runs through yours is in mine as well. We have the same blood. Understand?"** _

James was his brother. He would never be going back to Grimmuald Place. 

_**"** Expecto Patronum! **"**_

_**"He certainly will be returning home." She agreed and for a moment Sirius felt like his heart was going to pound right out of his chest. "With me and Fleamont and James. Where he belongs." She took a step closer to Walburga, who looked positively livid. "Mrs. Black, Sirius is a wonderful, kind, intelligent young man and I love him like he's my own. He won't be returning to The House of Black, I'm afraid-" Walburga made a sound as if to argue but Euphemia cut her off. "And if I were you, dear, I wouldn't try anything further on the subject. I doubt the ministry has the same ideas as you seem to have on how to 'discipline' a child...one may even consider your actions unforgivable."** _

_**Walburga's eyes widened and the color drained from her face at what Mrs. Potter was suggesting. Euphemia's lips tugged into a smug smile as she saw realization and defeat wash over the other woman. "Now then, take your hand off** _ **my son** _**, Walburga." Sirius gasped, his head snapping to look back at Mrs. Potter. It was one thing to say that to other people, as she had before, but to say it to Sirius' own mother.** _

He had a family who loved him and didn't think he was a disappointment.

**_ Remus' breath was heavy and shaking. He licked his lips, staring down at the other boy. He had never wanted anything as badly as he wanted this right now. _ **

**_ He nodded. "I'm ready." _ **

**_ Sirius pushed himself up to press their lips together. "Then I'm yours." _ **

He had Remus' love and trust. He truly belonged to someone.

_** They both laughed, turning their heads to look at each other, too tired to move much else. Remus' eyes lingered on the bite, dark and red against the pale, flawless skin. He smiled and lifted his hand to trace it with his finger tip. ** _

_** "You're mine..." He whispered. ** _

_** Sirius caught his wrist and brought his hand to hip lips to kiss it. "I've always been yours, Remus." ** _

Family. His family. Remus, James, Peter, Mr. and Mrs. Potter...

_ "EXPECTO PATRONUM!"   _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave you on a cliff hanger! I swear part two will be posted this weekend! This chapter was just getting very long and I also sort of love leaving you like this because I am EVIILLLL


	83. The Patronus Charm (Part 2) Year Seven

" _EXPECTO PATRONUM!_ " 

Sirius felt as though the wind was nearly knocked out of him as he felt his magic surge through him with more strength than he had ever felt before, even when he was transform into Padfoot. It seemed to burst through his very core, rushing down through his arm to his finger tips and finally through his tightly gripped wand, which exploded a blinding, bright light. It took a moment to fully form it's shape, but when it did, Sirius could do nothing but laugh.

 It was a dog. An exact twin of his own canine self in everything but color, and it yipped happily before running around in a circle and bowing into a playful stance, silver tail wagging enthusiastically. 

 The rest of the class was buzzing with excitement, cheering and clapping Sirius on the back to congratulate him. James, Remus and Peter were all but screaming praises over everyone else.

 "Excellent, Mr. Black! Really, very impressive!" Furgal proudly patted his shoulder. "20 points to Gryffindor. Now then, see if you can manage to control it. It's one thing to conjur your patronus, but now you've got to send it in the right direction. See if you can make it go over towards my desk." 

Sirius grinned proudly and gave a little shrug. Didn't seem so hard. He held his wand up and the Patronus dog - who had been scratching at it's ear with its back paw - looked up and him and cocked its head to the side.

 "Merlin, it's like seeing double..." James muttered to Remus and Peter who both chuckled and nodded in agreement. 

Sirius waved his wand, trying to send the Patronus off to the front of the classroom, but the dog merely pounced back down into it's playful stance, watching Sirius' wand as if he were going to start a game of fetch. Sirius frowned in frustration and flicked his wand again, but the dog only barked impatiently and whined, causing James, Peter and Remus to roar with laughter and the rest of the class to giggle with less informed amusement. 

Furgal chuckled. "Not to worry. Like we discussed, a Patronus is a representation of our very soul. If Mr. Black really were in danger, his patronus would no doubt as effective as even most experienced wizard's. However, with no important task to put it's focus on, it seems to be a little...frivolous." 

The Patronus Dog had begun chasing its tail and Sirius' cockiness died completely, his cheeks turning red with embarrassment at the Professor's jab to his own attention span. 

 "Keep working on it, Black. Everyone else, back to work as well!" 

Sirius huffed, running a hand through his hair as he watched the silly mutt shake its fur. 

 "Now you know how we feel trying to get Padfoot to come in after a game of fetch." Remus muttered teasingly, lips close to his ear and his hand resting warmly on Sirius' lower back. "Sure you're not just pretending to have a hard go at it so Furgal will come and _grip your wand_ for you?" 

Sirius smiled, feeling slightly more at ease. "Very funny. What about you, eh? Do I have to drag you out into the hall and give you a new happy memory to work off of?" 

Remus rolled his eyes, but his hand dropped lower to give Sirius' arse a squeeze. "Maybe later, if I don't manage by the end of class."

-

There were a few more successful conjurings after Sirius; Dorcas had produced a sparrow that was swooping gracefully around the class just out of reach of Marlene's Lynx. 

James was becoming more visibly frustrated with his ill attempts once the first Slytherin managed theirs. 

 "Whatever," James grumbled in annoyance as he moved closer to where Remus was standing to get away from the gloating Slytherin. "It's a bloody Aardvark, for Godric's sake. How lame is that?" His hand shot up to mess his hair a bit and he sighed. "I didn't think it would be so difficult to find a happy memory..." 

Remus didn't have to search too hard for his happiest memories. He always kept those readily available at the very front of his mind to ward off the darkness that lurked within his blood. It wasn't the strength of his memory that was holding him back, but his own self doubt. 

**_"We don't care, you know." Peter said quietly. "We don't see you any differently just because you're a-"_ **

**_"Just because you have a furry little problem." James interrupted. Remus felt like his world was crumbling down. Tears were burning his eyes and threatening to fall. James' hazel eyes grew twice in size and he jumped off the bed to Remus' side, followed closely by Peter._ **

**_"Y-you don't have to still be friends with me..." Remus whispered, fighting hard to keep the tears from falling._ **

**_"Don't be silly." James said, sternly. "This doesn't change a thing. We want to help you. We're friends, no matter what, remember?"_ **

A Patronus was supposed to be a protection against a dark force, and although a Patronus Charm was not a defense to be used against a Werewolf specifically, Remus had to wonder if a so-called Dark Creature would be able to conjure one up at all.

_**"No! Fuck you, Remus! Gods! You have no idea how much I want to strangle you every time you say this stupid shit about yourself or how no one will ever want you! I hate it! I hate hearing you call yourself a monster because you're not! You're...you're kind and funny and smart and...Merlin, fucking beautiful...and you deserve someone who is going to love every fucking part of you, including the wolf! So just stop telling yourself that no ones ever going to love you because for fuck sake, I fucking love you! I've loved you for as long as I can remember but you're too fucking full of self pity to notice-"** _

Sirius was right. If he kept allowing everyone else's negative opinion of what he was get him down on himself, he would never prove them wrong. He was stronger than that. Better than that. He was worth more than his own self pity and he had friends who would do anything to prove that to him.

 

  ** _Remus held his breath, until slowly the shapes of his friends bodies all began to shift. He felt as though his eyes might pop out of his head as the boys in front of him were replaced with a rat, a stag and a large black dog._**

**_He was dreaming. He must be dreaming, because this couldn't be real._ **

**_"Fuck..." He whispered, voice cracking as he felt tears stinging his eyes. "What did you...how...why would you...?"_ **

**_The stag and the rat changed back into James and Peter and they both stumbled for a moment, clearly not use to the sensations of changing back and forth just yet._ **

**_"We did it for you, Moony." James said, once he had regained his balance._ **

**_"So we could come with you during the full moon and you wouldn't be alone." Added Peter, actually taking a seat on the ground to stop his head from spinning._ **

**_The dog barked happily and bounded over to Remus, jumping up to put his paws on his shoulders and effectively knocking them both to the ground where he began to lick Remus' face sloppily. Remus couldn't help the half laugh, half sob that escaped him. The dog's form began to shift on top of him and instead he found himself pinned under a happily grinning Sirius Black._ **

**_"I promised you." Sirius said quietly. "I said I'd find a way so you wouldn't be alone."_ **

**_Friends. Pack. Family._ **

He was not his curse. He was not a monster. The Wolf was not who he was inside. He had friends who made sure of that. 

" _EXPECTO PATRONUM_!" 

He could hear his blood rushing in his ears as it pumped through his veins and his body tingled with powerful force as an omnipotent light shot out of the end of his wand, so bright he actually had to shield his eyes.

 Just as they had when the others had been successful, all of the students stopped what they were doing to gaze in amazement at the newest addition to what was slowly becoming quite a menagerie in the classroom. A few gasps and _"ooo"s_ and _"ahh"s_ were heard and someone muttered something about not expecting something that impressive from someone as bland and average as Lupin. 

 Remus opened his eyes and immediately felt the color drain from his face. His wand fell from his hand and clattered onto the floor and he clenched his fists and his jaw tightly, using every ounce of self control he had not to scream as he glared, positively seething, into the calm, serene eyes of the large, silver Wolf. 

Somewhere off in the distance he could hear Professor Furgal and several students congratulating him, but their voices were muffled by the pure rage that was burning within him. 

 _No, no, no, no_...

Before he knew what he was doing, he turned and kicked the closest thing to him -a desk- and marched out of the classroom, only vaguely aware of Sirius, James and Peter calling after him. 

Once he was out of the classroom, he didn't stop. He had no idea where he was going, just that he had to get away. His mind had started to panic.

_Now you've done it. You couldn't just play it cool, like it didn't matter. Now everyone's going to wonder why you made such a big deal and they'll know! They'll all know that you're a-_

"Remus!" Sirius was calling after him. He could hear the other boy's footsteps quickening to catch up but he kept going. "Remus, wait!"

 "Go away, Sirius." 

"I will not! Would you just stop for a moment and let me talk to you?"

 "No." 

 

"Oh, for bloody-" Sirius' hand finally reached his shoulder and he found himself being shoved forcefully behind the tapestry of Andros The Invincible and up against the stone wall. He briefly met Sirius' eyes - which were a mix of frustrated and concerned - and then looked down at the ground, convinced that if he kept eye contact too long with his Mate, his walls would crash and the volcano of emotions building up inside of him would erupt all over the corridor.

"Remus, look at me." Sirius commanded gently. Remus refused, keeping his eyes firmly downcast and his jaw tightly set. Sirius' hand came up to cup his chin and then Sirius' lips were pressed softly against his own. 

 _You're not a monster_.

A strangled whine escaped the back of his throat and he slumped forward slightly into Sirius' arms. "This just proves it, Sirius! Can't you see? The patronus is supposed to represent who you are at the core and there it is! You can't tell me that that isn't who I am, Sirius! It's right there, plain as anything!" He rested his head on the shorter boy's shoulder just as Sirius' arms wound themselves around him. 

 "Cut the shit, Remus." Sirius sighed, using one hand to stroke soothingly up and down his spine. Remus made an indignant sound and he knew that Sirius was rolling his eyes. "Yes, you're right, your patronus was a wolf. A Wolf, Remus, not a Werewolf."

"It doesn't-" 

 "Shush. I'm not finished." Sirius pulled away slightly, gripping both of Remus' shoulders firmly and holding his gaze. "Your patronus is a wolf because that's what you are, Remus. Intelligent and powerful and protective...It's not because you're cursed and it's not because you're a monster. It's because you're _you_. Everything that that patronus represents is everything I love about you." 

Remus felt his face grow warm and the corner of his lips tugged up involuntarily. He forced a laugh and nudged his boyfriend with his elbow. "Mushy git..." 

 Sirius grinned, clearly satisfied with having cheered the other boy up. "Only for you, love." He leaned in and kissed the corner of Remus' mouth until he had no choice but to smile. 

"Alright, alright..." Remus chuckled, gently shoving Sirius back. "You've made your bloody point." He sighed deeply and rubbed his hands over his face. "Guess I've made a bloody fool of myself in there...fuck, what must they all think?" 

Sirius shook his head. "Furgal told the class that sometimes casting a spell as strong as a patronus can really drain a wizard, especially if they aren't used to it. He said it was normal to feel overwhelmed and need a bit of a break. I told him I'd go and make sure you were alright. Here, you dropped this." 

Remus smiled sheepishly and took his wand back. "Thanks...and thanks for...you know...everything." He took Sirius' hand in his own and squeezed it. "I love you." 

 Sirius squeezed his hand back. "Love you too, Moons." 

They headed back into the classroom together. 

-

James was quickly moving from frustrated to outright furious.

This was just not right. 

He was James Bloody Potter! He was _Head Boy_! He was always the top of all of his classes with the highest marks and the quickest to learn, tied only with Sirius and Lily. He had never had so much trouble picking up a new spell or charm. He was an unregistered teenage animagus, for crying out loud!

 "Maybe your happy memory isn't strong enough." Suggested Peter, who wasn't having any better luck than James was. At least there was that. James would jump from the top of the astronomy tower if Peter got the hang of this before he did, though he did feel guilty for thinking that. Peter had plenty of skills of his own, but...well, he was no James Potter.

James growled, snatching his glasses off of his face and pinching the bridge of his nose. This shouldn't be so difficult! He had had a wonderful childhood with great parents and friends who had given him loads of happy memories to choose from but somehow both Sirius and Remus, who had been victims of horrible childhood trauma, had managed to find memories happy enough to produce _their_ Patronuses while all James could do was blow mist out of his wand.

He didn't understand it. 

_What the bloody hell is my happiest memory?_

Quidditch made him happy. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine himself on his broom, out on the quidditch pitch. He tried to feel the wind rushing through his hair and hear the crowd cheering. He tried feel the adrenaline pumping through him. He was king of the bloody world when he was playing quidditch. Nothing could possibly feel better than the first time he ever scored, the first time he brought the Gyrffindor team to victory. Yes! He could do this! He could do anything! He was a Quidditch _God_.

" _Expecto Patronum_!" 

 "Still no luck, eh Prongs?" 

James huffed irritably and opened his eyes just as Sirius was perching himself on top of the desk beside him. He ruffled his hair a bit before shaking himself, trying to loosen up and relax. "I'm getting there, alright? It's fine. I'm fine." He forced a smile and nodded to Remus. "Alright, Moony?" 

 Remus smiled and nodded in return. "Yes. Sorry, just...well, you know. Wolf Wolf the Werewolf and his Wolf Patronus. Suppose I was just hoping for something more original than a terrible pun." 

"At least you've got one at all." Said Peter miserably. He had resigned himself from trying for the day and was reading over the chapter in their text books to better understand the theory. 

 "You'll get there." Remus reassured him gently. "Here, I'll help you with your wand movements, you're not following through." 

Remus and Peter moved to the back of the classroom where there was less pressure of everyone watching.

 James took a deep breath and tried to put himself back into right headspace, which was a difficult task when he could feel Sirius' eyes on him and hear the annoyingly rhythmic thumping of the other boy's heels on the wooden desk as he swung his legs. James scowled. 

 "Would you cut that out, Pads? You're distracting me." 

"You're fun to watch when you're all frazzled. Your ego taking a hit, not being the best at something?" He could hear the stupid grin in Sirius' voice. 

 "If you don't stop being a prat, my new happy memory will be of me transfiguring my quill into a pair of scissors and chopping off your hair. Now shut it." 

"Is that it, then? You haven't found the right memory?" 

 James let out a heavy sigh and slumped against the desk Sirius was sitting on. "I don't know, mate. I've got plenty of great memories! I've got a really good life! I was happy as a Niffler in Gringots just eating breakfast this morning-!"

"It was a pretty good breakfast..." Sirius nodded sympathetically. 

"I just..." James hesitated, twirling his wand between his fingers. "No offense, but you and Moony have had some pretty rotten luck in your lives. How come you two got this so quickly and I haven't?" 

 Sirius frowned, contemplating for a moment. "I think," He said slowly. "That that may be it right there." 

James raised an eyebrow. "What? Right where?" 

 "What you said," Said Sirius. "About how Moony and I have been through the ringer. Sort of makes the good memories better when all you've got for comparison is being bitten by a werewolf or having your mother use a torture curse on you, you know?"  

 James winced. "Right...sorry, mate. I didn't mean to sound like a prat or anything." Sirius waved off the apology nonchalantly. It made sense, the way Sirius had explained it, but it didn't make James feel any better. What if he was never able to conjure his Patronus because his life had just been too consistently _good_? That couldn't be, there was nothing in the text that said you needed to have terrible memories to compare the good ones to. "What was your memory then? Wait, no. Don't tell me, it's some weird sex thing with you and Moony, isn't it? Fuck, can I not do this because I'm a bloody _virgin_?!"

Sirius nearly fell off the desk from laughing so hard. "Yeah Prongs, that's it! You haven't had a good shag and now you'll never master the Patronus charm- _ow_! Don't punch me, you're the one who said it!" He wiped tears of mirth from his eyes, smudging a bit of his eyeliner in the process. "No, you prat. It wasn't some 'weird sex thing'. In fact, I don't think it was just one thing at all. It was more like -" 

 But whatever it was, James didn't find out because Sirius, as well as most of the other students in the class, all stopped what they were doing to gasp and stare as yet another student successfully cast their Patronus. 

James rolled his eyes. "Merlin, do we have to bloody stop and stare every time someone does the damn thing?" 

 " _James_..." Sirius hissed. "James, look..." 

"No, this is getting annoying now. It's just rubbing it in to those of us who haven't gotten it-"

 "Holy shit..." Remus muttered. "That's..." He and Peter and stopped practicing in the back to move closer to see, both of them with wide, shocked eyes. 

"Oh please, it can't be that impressive. I mean, what, has Mary got a Horntail patronus or-?" 

 "Beautifully done, Miss Evans!" Furgal's praise sounded above the rest of the noise in the class and James' head shot up, his eyes managing, as they always did, to instantly lock on Lily, who was standing tall with her wand raised and gazing with immense pride at a stunning, bright, silver doe. 

 _It's a doe_. 

James felt his chest swell up with some sort of unknown emotion. Lily Evans, the girl he had been in love with probably from the moment he first saw her and she told him off for being a prat, had a _doe_  Patronus. Her soul took the form of the animal that he himself transformed into. 

**_Lily shook her head. "You think you're so funny, but you're nothing but an arrogant, bullying toerag! Leave him alone!"_ **

**_"I will if you'll go out with me!" James said quickly, without thinking. He'd curse himself for it later, he knew. Too late now. "Come on, Evans. Go out with me and I'll never lay wand on old Snivelly again."_ **

**_Lily fumed. "I wouldn't go out with you if it were a choice between you and the giant squid."_ **

Alright, so he had been a bit of a prat. Things had improved between them though, they were even friends now!

**_"Lily, I'm sorry for acting like a conceited git. And for pestering you and...Er...just...acting like, as you so eloquently put it, an 'arrogant toerag'." He smirked as she tried and failed not to giggle at that. "I will try my best not to do that to you anymore." He held out his hand. "Truce?"_ **

**_Lily cocked her head to the side, one eyebrow raised as she stared at his hand for a moment and considered him. She took it and they shook on it. Potter went to pull his hand away but Lily held on. "Wait," she smirked. "What about all of the obnoxious date invitations? That stops as well?"_ **

**_James chuckled, a mischievous glint in his eye. "That, Miss Evans, I cannot promise you."_ **

There was something between them and she felt it too, he had always known that. 

_**"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?" James muttered, feeling his stomach drop as Mary gave him a sad little smile. She took a step towards him and reached out her hand for his, giving it a gentle squeeze.** _

_**"You really are a wonderful person, James, really. I'm glad we had the time together that we did, but I think that time may be up, don't you?"** _

_**James didn't respond, he wasn't sure of what he was suppose to say. Should he fight with her to stay? Shouldn't that be what he wanted? That's what Sirius and Remus did when ever they had their ridiculous splits...** _

_**But this wasn't the same. He and Mary certainly weren't Sirius and Remus, and to be completely honest, James didn't really want to fight.** _

_**Mary was still smiling though. "I'm not your person."** _

_**He frowned, confused. "What?"** _

_**"Your person." Repeated Mary. "Your** _ **soulmate** **,** _**if you believe in that. I think you know that, James. I think everyone knows it...well, nearly everyone."** _

His soulmate. The person who's soul matched his own. It was Lily Evans.

" _EXPECTO PATRONUM_!" 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops...did I promise Jily in THIS chapter? Looks like you'll just have to wait for the next one!! *evil laughter*


	84. If you were looking for a sign - Year Seven

Lily was so distracted staring proudly at the dazzling silver doe, that she may have just missed what the rest of the class was seeing at the other side of the classroom. She _may_ have missed the strong, regal stag that had burst suddenly from the wand of one James Fleamont Potter and she may have continued to deny for however much longer that she had absolutely no feelings for the boy other than a slightly forced friendship. As it happened, she could not miss it because her Doe and his Stag had both stopped their graceful trotting around the classroom to face each other and, in unison, the patronuses slowly approached the center of the circle of students that had formed to watch and regarded each other as though they were old friends. Lily felt as though the entire world had melted away as she gasped in shock, her eyes locking on the equally surprised one's of James Potter and both the Doe and the Stag bowed their heads in mutual respect before stepping forward and nuzzling into each other's necks.

Lily was sure in that moment that no one else existed but those deer and that boy across the room until the bell that ended class rang, breaking both Potter's and her own concentration and the spells and making the patronuses disappear. Professor Furgal's voice instructing the class not to forget their homework assignments was nothing but a buzz in the background as Lily stared at the spot the doe and the stag had just been until a warm hand laid on her shoulder.

 "If you were looking for a sign," Remus mumbled close to her ear. "That may have been it." 

Lily let out a shaky laugh and looked back to smile weakly at him. "I thought you said Divination was a joke..." 

 Remus smirked and shrugged his shoulders. "I said you wouldn't find your answer in your tea leaves." He nodded towards where the Patronuses had been. " _Those_ were no tea leaves. And _this_ isn't Divination." He gave her one last meaningful look and squeezed her shoulder before he disappeared into the crowd of students to collect his things and to stop Sirius from making lewd gestures with his wand in Professor Furgal's direction. 

"Well," Said Marlene briskly, swinging her book bag over her shoulder and eyeing Lily with a knowing smirk. "That was quite a show, Lils. D'you reckon it's normal for patronuses to behave that way towards each other?" 

Lily bit her lip, unsure of what to say.

" _Patroni_." Said Dorcas, before Lily could think of a response.

Marlene frowned, her brow furrowed as she looked at her girlfriend questioningly. "What?" 

"Patroni." Dorcas repeated. "That's the plural for Patronus. You said _'Patronuses'_. It's _'Patroni'_." 

 "It is not!" 

"It is so. Isn't it, Mary?" 

 "Well, I suppose..." Mary said cautiously, not wanting to get in the middle. "The plural form for _Animagus_ is _Animagi_ , so one would assume-"

But Marlene tutted and waved her off. "What's the plural of Animagus have to do with it? The plural of Mouse is 'Mice' but the plural for Moose isn't 'Meece'. It's _'Patronuses'_ , right Lily?" 

However, Lily's focus was far from grammatical correctness. She was too busy watching as James halfheartedly - distractedly - laughed at something Sirius said that made Remus roll his eyes and smack the back of his head. Then hazel eyes flickered up, briefly meeting her own and she felt her face go hot and quickly looked away. 

 "Are you coming, Lily?" Mary asked while Dorcas and Marlene continued to bicker over grammar as they headed out of the classroom. 

Lily nodded. "I'll be along in a moment. I just want to ask Professor Furgal a question for the homework assignment." 

 The other three girls exchanged suspicious glances, but they didn't ask any further questions before agreeing to meet her back in the common room and making their way out to the corridor. Lily picked up her own bag and took a deep breath before crossing the room to where the boys were preparing to leave, hanging back just a few feet from them.

 "I'm pretty sure you're only encouraging him, Moony." Peter said grimly in response to whatever threat Remus had made toward's Sirius' behavior.

James laughed. "Oh right, Wormtail. Like both of them don't know exactly what their doing. You know these two mutts are completely insatiable." 

 Neither Black nor Lupin denied it, both grinning from ear to ear and exchanging teasing glances as they too gathered their things and started to leave, muttering flirtatiously to each other about something Lily couldn't hear but Peter whined, and slumped his shoulders before begging them to at least remember to close their curtains first as he hurried after them with James following behind. 

 Before Lily could stop herself, she took another deep breath. "Potter!" 

All four boys paused in the doorway of the classroom and turned to look at her. James looked uncharacteristically flustered for a moment, but he quickly composed himself, straightening up and jutting out his chin in a confident gesture that vaguely resembled Sirius. 

 "Evans?" 

Lily chewed on her lip for a moment, her hands anxiously wringing the shoulder strap of her book bag. "Could I have a word?" She glanced at the other boys. "Alone?" 

 James hesitated, looking at Sirius and exchanging what seemed to be a quick, telepathic conversation via eye contact with his best friend before Remus, who threw a knowing smile at Lily, dragged both Sirius and Peter off, leaving the two of them alone. 

Neither of them said anything for what Lily felt was the longest thirty seconds ever until finally James huffed and his hand shot up to muss up his hair. "Look, Evans, before you say anything, I swear I had nothing to do with...well...whatever it was that just happened with the patronus charm, alright? I didn't make mine go after yours or anything, I don't even know how to make-" 

 Lily gave a frustrated sigh and shook her head. "Hogsmeade! Next weekend!" 

James stopped mid sentence, mouth agape and looking like a deer that had been caught in headlights. "I...what?" 

 Lily could feel her heart thumping powerfully against her chest and she swallowed hard past the lump in her throat. "Sorry," She licked her lips. "I...I mean't...W-would you like to go? To Hogsmeade, next weekend....with....with me?" 

There was another terribly drawn out pause that made Lily extremely aware of how tight the collar of her school shirt was. A range of emotions passed through Potter's eyes so quickly that Lily didn't have the chance to catch what they were before he settled on his default cocky smirk, running his hand once against through his hair as he took a step closer so that he was standing right in front of her, towering over her.

 "You asking me on a date, Evans?" 

The smirk said 'cocky', the stance said 'confident' but the waver in his voice and the desperation in his eyes said something completely different and Lily straightened up, standing taller and crossing her arms over her chest, returning that stupid cocky smirk with one of her own. 

 "Yeah, Potter. I am."  

James raised an eyebrow at her, amused and intrigued. "Why? Did the Giant Squid have a prior engagement?" 

 Lily laughed, shaking her head. "I didn't ask the Giant Squid, actually." 

"Oh?" Said James. "Are you just saying that to make me feel better? Because The Squid and I happen to be rather close, you know. I could just ask him myself and find out if I'm just your second choice." 

 Lily rolled her eyes, wishing that she could stop blushing and grinning like a fool at the playful teasing, but also wishing that she wasn't enjoying it as much as she was. "You weren't my second choice, Potter." 

James shrugged and raised both hands in defense. "Hey, I'm only saying I wouldn't blame you. The Giant Squid is a lovely chap. I know I can't compete with that." 

"I promise," Said Lily, as firmly as she could manage. She bit her lip. "And you know what else I can promise?" 

 "What?" 

Lily smirked. "You're going to say yes." 

James snorted, remembering the time that he had used those exact words to her, and he sighed. "Well...I guess I can't really argue with the Head Girl, can I?" He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. "Yeah, Evans. I'd love to go out with you next weekend." 

 Lily let out the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. "Great." She said, suddenly feeling rather giddy and flustered. "Good. Er...Well then...that's....that's settled." She cleared her throat. "I'll see you at rounds then, Potter." She gave a polite nod and spun on her heel, hurrying out of the classroom. She had barely made it into the corridor before she heard an excited _'WHOOP_!' that made reality come crashing down around her...

She had a _date_ with _James Bloody Potter._

 

_\---_

"I HAVE A DATE WITH LILY EVANS!" James announced as he burst into the dorm room enthusiastically.  

 Peter snorted. "How many times do we have to go over this, Prongs? Lily escorting you to detention isn't a 'date'." James frowned at him and started to argue but Peter interrupted quickly. "Nor is it considered a date just because you're on the same rounds-OW! Merlin, I'm only teasing you! No need to whip out the stinging hexes!" 

"It's not detention and it's not rounds!" Said James, his excitement returning as he slipped his wand back into his pocket. "It's a real date! Next weekend! A real date with Lily!" 

 Sirius, who had been lounging on his own bed with his head in Remus' lap, scrambled up onto his knees on the edge of the mattress, doing that odd little wiggle his lower half when he was in human form and lacked a tail to wag. "A real date? You're sure?"

"Yes! I'm taking her to dinner next weekend during the Hogsmeade visit!" 

 Sirius let out a loud barking laugh and leaped off the bed, tackling James in a bear hug. "It's about bloody time, mate! Well, go on, then! How'd you ask her? What'd she say?!" 

James laughed, wrestling himself out of Sirius' grip. "Alright, alright! Down, boy! Heel!" He shoved the other boy off and straightened out his shirt. "When she asked to talk to me after Defense today, I thought she was going to accuse me of tinkering with the charm some how to make our patronuses act the way they did, you know? So I told her right off the bat that I had nothing to do with it and then she just asked me to go with her to Hogsmeade next weekend! Just like that!" 

 Remus snickered quietly. "Gee, I wonder what made her come around?" 

James shrugged, unable to stop smiling from ear to ear. "She must have felt what I felt when we cast our Patronus charms, right? I mean, it was undeniable, wasn't it?" 

 Remus hummed, giving Sirius a cheeky smile. "Almost like she had been waiting for some sort of sign, you could say. I did tell her that it was as good as any-" 

"Oh please, Moony." Sirius scoffed. "There's no way Evans decided to give in and say yes just because you told her that it was a 'sign'" 

 "Of course not," Remus agreed, still looking quite smug as he leaned back against the headboard of Sirius' bed. "But it did give her the little push she needed, didn't it? More so than you're stupid charmed mistletoe. Honestly, Padfoot! Mistletoe in October!" 

James frowned. "Wait, what?" 

 Sirius pouted indignantly. "I charmed them to fit the Halloween theme, didn't I?"

"It still didn't work!" Remus argued. "None of your silly little pranks worked. I told you, Lily just needed some sense talked into her and I did it. I won, fair and square." 

 "Er...Won what?" James asked, although neither of the two heard him as they were continuing to fight among themselves.

 Peter rolled his eyes. "These two idiots were getting tired of you and Evans avoiding your inevitable coupling - well, actually, all of us were getting tired of it, but these two decided to take matters into their own hands and try to push you along." 

 James' eyebrows shot up. "They _what_?" 

Peter nodded. "Moony bet he could talk Lily into giving up her stubborn streak, but Padfoot thought it would take a little more than that so he came up with all of these little pranks and tricks like slipping Lily a Drought of True Desire, charming mistletoe - during Halloween of all things, the prat - locking you both in a room with a heating charm until you both got too hot and had to take your clothes off." He ticked off the list on his fingers as he went. 

 James folded his arms, watching as Sirius and Remus continued to fight on the bed. "I see. And the terms were that Lily had to say yes to a date with me?" 

"Pretty much."

 "I'm guessing the prize was something I want to know nothing about?" 

"Of course it was." Peter confirmed with a smirk. 

James nodded. "Right then." He cleared his throat. "Oy! Mutts!" 

 Sirius and Remus both stopped their arguing, blinking at James owlishly. 

"The bet was that Lily would say yes to a date with me, provided with some help from either one of you, right?" 

 Slowly, and looking slightly ashamed, they both nodded. 

James chucked and shrugged his shoulders. "Well then I'm sorry to inform you, but neither of you won. _She_ asked _me_ out, didn't she?" And then it hit him like a bludger to the chest. His eyes went wide and he felt like the air had been sucked from his lungs. He stumbled back and sat heavily on his bed. "Bloody hell, Lily Evans asked me out!" 

He had a _date_ with _Lily Evans_. 

\---

"You'll never get a second date dressed like that, dear!" The dorm room mirror informed haughtily. "Haven't you anything other than wrinkled t-shirts and quidditch jerseys?" 

 Sirius snickered, ducking to the side to dodge yet another balled up shirt that James tossed over his shoulder. He was laying his on his belly on his best friend's bed, watching the other boy model outfit after outfit in front of the mirror. James grumbled, his bare feet stomping across the floor as he crossed the room and threw open Sirius' trunk. 

"Oy!" Sirius shouted. "Bloody ask first, why don't you?" 

 "Shut up, Pads!" James growled, digging through the trunk and adding some of Sirius' clothes to the growing pile that was beginning to take over the room. "Why don't you make yourself useful and get off your arse and help me!" 

Sirius snorted. "Lost cause. There's no helping you and your shitty sense of fashion." He watched for another moment before sighing and rolling off the bed, joining James in front of his trunk and smacking the boy's hand away. "Calm down you wanker. I'll find something for you, you just go do something about that fwooper's nest you call hair." 

 James' face fell and his hand flew up to his head defensively. "I just did my hair!" 

Sirius rolled his eyes. "With what? Your broom? It's called a brush, Potter. Use one. Ah! Here we are!" He pulled out a navy blue button down shirt and held it above his head triumphantly. "Try this on. You'll still look like a right git, mind you, nothing we can do on such short notice about that face of yours, but at least you'll look somewhat presentable." 

"Ha bloody ha." Said James, ignoring Sirius' snark and snatching the shirt from him. 

 "For someone who's going on a date with the girl he's been after for nearly seven years, you certainly aren't in a very good mood." Remus remarked quietly from his own bed, glancing up from the Muggle Studies paper he was helping Peter revise. 

James sighed, buttoning up the shirt Sirius had given him and giving his friends an apologetic look. "Sorry. You're right. I'm just nervous I guess. I feel like I'm going to fuck this whole thing up." He turned back to the mirror, which tutted in disapproval and commented on the buttons being done up crooked. "Bloody Hell!" 

 Sirius chuckled and ran to his side, straightening the shirt out and redoing the buttons. "Of course you're going to fuck it up, mate."

James glared. "Some best friend you are." 

 Grinning, Sirius shook his head. "What? You will! But Evans knows its you she's going on a date with, doesn't she? I'm sure she's expecting a far worse experience than anything you could actually deliver." He narrowly avoided James' hand, which had swung to smack him in the head. 

"What Sirius is trying to say," Remus gently intervened. "Is that Lily knows you well enough. Don't stress over trying to be something you're not. Just be yourself and have a good time." 

James visibly relaxed. "Thanks Moony." 

 "Of course, when I say _'Be Yourself'_ , I do mean to be your best behaved self and not the annoying, arrogant, pushy git she wanted nothing to do with all these years." 

Sirius and Peter both fell into a fit of laughter and James glared. " _Thanks_ , _Moony_." 

 James pulled on a pair of trainers he had charmed all the quidditch dirt off of and gave himself another once over in the mirror. "Well? How do I look?" 

Peter gave him a grin and two thumbs up. Remus smiled and nodded his approval. Sirius let out a dramatic cry and flung his arms around him. 

 "MY LITTLE BOY IS ALL GROWN UP!" 

"Ugh, Padfoot! Get off!" 

 "HE'S FINALLY GOING TO LOSE HIS VIRGINITY!"

"SIRIUS! COME ON, I NEED TO GO!" 

 Sirius finally released him, dabbing away fake tears with the sleeve of his own shirt and beaming proudly as James fixed himself once more in the mirror and grabbed his jacket, heading towards the dormitory door. He turned to his friends and grinned.

 "Wish me luck, lads!" 

"Good luck!" The other three called after him.

The door shut behind him and once the sound of his footsteps down the stairs faded, Sirius rounded on Remus and Peter with the familiar look in his eye that usually meant trouble. 

 "Right then," He said, clapping his hands together. "What say we give them a twenty minute start?" 

Remus and Peter exchanged confused looks.

 "...A twenty minute start before what, exactly?" Asked Remus with slight apprehension. 

Sirius grinned. "Before we follow them, of course." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I couldn't decided whether the plural form of "Patronus" was "Patronuses" or "Patroni" and when I googled it, I didn't exactly get a straight answer lol. So I decided that none of them would know either. *Shrug*


	85. The Date Part One - Year Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special shout out to Nachodiablo who for helping me out and giving me validation on this chapter and the next one! If you don't read Nacho's fics, you need to reevaluate your life.

James could not remember the last time he felt this nervous. Not during his first Quidditch match when he went to score his very first goal and threw the quaffle with too much enthusiasm and toppled right off is broom, or when he and Sirius and Peter were sneaking about learning highly illegal magic that could have landed them in Azkaban if they were caught in order to learn to become animagi. Not even when he was running across the school grounds faster than he ever thought his legs could move, dodging the branches of the Whomping Willow to pull Snape from the tunnel before he could get to Remus at the other end. His hands had never been this sweaty, he kept wiping them on his jeans. He had never had so much self doubt and he kept mumbling quietly to himself, giving himself pep talks like the ones he gave the Gryffindor Team before a big match or to Sirius when he was starting to lose control of his anger and comparing himself to his family.

"It's no big deal." He muttered under his breath. "Just a normal trip to Hogsmeade. Just like any other trip with Sirius and Pete and Remus. Totally average. Nothing different...Except you're not with the lads, you're with a girl...and it's not just a girl, it's Lily Evans...And you're going to fuck it all up the moment you even open your bloody mouth." He shakily reached up to run a hand through his hair, but stopped himself as he remembered Sirius attacking his head with a comb and two bottles of Sleekeazy to tame his normally wild hair. 

He was so lost inside his head that he was actually surprised when he arrived at the court yard where he and Lily had planned to meet each other, because he couldn't remember actually walking there at all. For a split second he thought of maybe turning back. He could go back to the dorm and save himself the inevitable humiliation that this date was sure to bring. Sure, he'd probably never be able to face his friends or Lily or anyone else ever again and Sirius would hex him to have the words _'Cowardly Virgin'_ across his forehead for the rest of his life, but it would still be better than the disaster that this date had the potential to be, wasn't it? 

His eyes darted around the court yard. There was no sign of Lily. He could run off now and no one would see him do it. Maybe it was a prank! Maybe Lily never actually intended to go with him on a date. Maybe she was trying to pull one over on him to make up for all the things he had done over the years. He was an absolute fool.

  _No one makes a fool of James Fleamont Potter._ He thought bitterly, feeling just a little embarrassed in the back of his mind, and he spun back around to retreat back to the dorm, ready for the mocking and teasing he was sure to receive from his friends. 

 And there she was. Lily stood before him wearing an emerald green winter cloak and a black knitted cap on her head, her deep red waves of hair spilling loosely over her shoulders, such a striking contrast to the fluffy white snow that blanketed the castle grounds. She was smiling at him. 

 "Alright, Potter?" She asked, one sleek red brow quirking upwards as she studied the look on his face. "You look like a deer caught in headlights." 

James felt his cheeks heat up and he blinked rapidly, closing his mouth which he hadn't realized had been hanging open. "Er, yeah! I'm great." He forced a grin, throwing back his shoulders with an air of confidence. "I was just waiting for you. Thought maybe you had chickened out on me. I wouldn't have been too upset. I know you're probably overwhelmed with the prospect of dating The One and Only James Potter, eh?" Mentally he groaned. _Shut up you asshat, before she hexes you and it's over before it's begun!_

But Lily didn't hex him. She laughed, rolling her eyes. "Oh I'm overwhelmed, alright. But it takes more than that to scare me off, Brave Gryffindor that I am." 

 James laughed shakily. _Well that makes one of us_. 

After a brief awkward silence where they both avoided eye contact, Lily took a breath in. "Shall we, then?" 

Swallowing past the lump in his throat, James nodded. "Yeah. Sure." He smiled and cocked his head towards the snowy path that lead to the village. "Let's go." He made to start walking only to have Lily grab onto his sleeve abruptly. 

 "Wait!" 

James frowned, looking at her with confusion as her bright green eyes looked him up and down critically. She raised her hand and he flinched, bracing himself for a hex or a slap that never came. With a soft snort of laughter, Lily reached up and ruffled up his hair. 

 "What on earth did you do to yourself?" She chuckled lightly, pulling as gently as she could at the slicked back strands to separate them. 

James groaned. "Sirius did it." 

 Lily shook her head, still smiling with amusement. "Of course he did. Merlin, how much Sleekeazy did he dump on you?" She finally pulled away, taking a step back to observe her work. Her smile widened. "There you are. That's better." She held her hand out to him and he felt as though he had swallowed twenty fizzing wizzbees at once as he took it in his own, thankful that she was wearing soft wool mittens and couldn't feel how sweaty his palms were. 

 "So," Lily said briskly as they began to walk together, snow crunching under their feet. "Where are you taking me on our date, Potter?" 

 "Whoa, hold on there, Evans!" James teased, flashing a grin at her. "I believe _you_ were the one who asked _me_ on this date. I expected to be properly courted. Where are _you_ taking _me_?" 

Lily let out a mock incredulous gasp at the accusation. "And here I was thinking that the boy who's been writing my initials all over his assignments since fifth year had maybe been keeping an entire journal of fantasy first dates labeled 'THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO THE MOST EPIC FIRST DATE WITH LILY EVANS - Written By James Potter and Edited by Sirius Black'." 

James' face fell, burning red once again and his mouth set into a hard line. "I'm going to murder Remus." 

Lily's eyes widened, filling with mirth and she stopped walking as she nearly howled with laughter. "Godric, are you serious? I made that up, Potter!" She let go of his hand to wipe tears from the corner of her eyes and James pursed his lips, crossing his arms. 

 "Laugh all you want, Evans. There are some brilliantly romantic ideas in that bloody journal." 

Lily's expression softened and she took James' hand again. "Well then prove it." She said, just the slightest hint of a challenge in her voice and her eyes shining daringly. "Romance me, Potter." 

Far be it from James Potter to back away from a good challenge. 

-

Remus shivered slightly, pulling his patched up old winter coat tighter around him and wondering why exactly he let himself be dragged along on Sirius' hair brained missions. He was lagging behind both Sirius and Peter as they made their way through the drafty secret tunnel into the village, against Remus' better judgement, to spy on James' first date. For a brief moment, his eyes took a break from glaring at the back of Sirius' head and instead came to rest - as they very often did - on his boyfriend's perfectly shaped arse in those tight, black jeans...Ah, yes. That was why he always went along with these things...

 "I still don't know why we're taking the tunnel." He grumbled for the third time. "It's a scheduled Hogsmeade visit. We didn't have to sneak out." 

" _Moony_!" Whined Sirius, looking over his shoulder at him with a pout. "What's the fun of a secret mission if we aren't going to take the secret tunnels?" 

 Remus huffed and rolled his eyes. "We could possibly _not_ spy on our friend's first date, that's always an idea." 

Sirius shook his head. "No way. You know Prongs is bound to mess this whole thing up. We need to be there to save his arse, right Wormtail?" he nudged Peter with his elbow, causing the smaller boy to jump slightly, looking uneasily between Sirius and Remus and carefully calculating his response. 

 "Erm..." 

"Hmmm..." Sirius hummed, giving Peter a sly, side eyed look. "I seem to remember a certain _someone_ making James use his invisibility cloak to follow him and a certain Emmeline Vance on their first date in case all hell broke loose." 

 Peter sighed. "Yeah, you've got a point." He gave Remus an apologetic smile and shrugged. "Sorry, Moony." 

Remus snorted. "Yeah, alright. But the difference is that Peter _asked_ James to tag along...and need I remind you, the cloak isn't big enough for all three of us anymore, Padfoot."

"I haven't brought the cloak. Pete and I are going full stealth mode." He flashed a grin over his shoulder. "One of the many perks of being an animagus, along with helping you of course." 

Remus felt a jolt of jealousy and he bristled with annoyance. It wasn't often that he felt envious of his friends' ability to transform into animals at their own will and free of any pain or discomfort, in fact he spent quite enough time as an animal for his own liking, but there were times it did leave him feeling just a little left out. "And what, I should just hide in the bushes, then?" He couldn't stop the quiet growl in the back of his throat. "If you two were going to do this in animal form, I see no reason to be dragged along. Can't really keep up walking on two legs, can I?" Sirius and Peter both stopped walking and turned to look at him, both of their faces etched with guilt and shame. Remus instantly regretted snapping at them as they both began to utter apologies. He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. "Sorry...I didn't mean to...sorry." 

 Sirius chewed his lip nervously. "If you don't want to come with us...I didn't mean to make you feel like you _had_ to... you can go back to the dorm if you want, Moons." 

Peter nodded earnestly. "Yeah. We didn't realize you...er...well, I suppose it never really crossed our minds that...that you aren't...that maybe you'd feel left out because we-" 

 Remus shook his head quickly, forcing a smile. "No! No it's fine. I do. I want to go." He insisted. "Besides, someone's got to make sure no one calls the dog catcher on Padfoot thinking he's some stray, right?" 

His response seemed to satisfy Peter, who smiled brightly and continued to walk ahead, but Remus could feel Sirius' eyes on him and could sense his concern as strongly as Sirius could clearly sense his own internal thoughts. 

_I've really got to do some more research on how this 'bonding' shit works or I'll never have any bloody privacy._

Remus was relieved, however, that Sirius did not push the subject and instead offered his hand which Remus took with a grateful and apologetic smile. Clearing his throat to break the silence, he began walking again. "Do we even know where they're going on their date? The map doesn't show Hogsmeade." 

 Sirius snickered and reached into his pocket to retrieve something so small that Remus couldn't tell what it was until the other boy tapped it with his wand and enlarged it. It was a leather bound journal. 

 "' _James Potter's Guide To The Most Romantic Rondavou with Lily Evans_ '" He frowned as he read the title that had been scribbled on a piece of parchment and spell-o-taped to the cover. "He spelled 'Rendezvous' wrong." 

Sirius cackled delightedly. "I know. Prat." He flipped through a few pages, obviously well acquainted enough with the book's content to know what he was looking for which made Remus quirk a suspicious brow at him. Sirius smirked. "I helped him with the revisions." 

 "Shocking." 

"James Potter has many talents, Moony. Romance isn't one of them. I, as you know, am well versed in wooing the object of my desires - You, of course." 

 Remus laughed dryly, one corner of his lip twitching upward. "Right. You're a regular Casanova. I'm in a constant state of weakened knees, pining for you, my love. Catch me, I may faint!" He teased, holding the back of his hand to his forehead dramatically. 

 Sirius frowned. "What's a Casanova?" 

Remus chuckled and shook his head, pulling the shorter boy closer and kissing his cheek. "Nevermind. You're very romantic, Pads." 

Ahead of them, Peter was waiting by the trap door to Honeyduke's Cellar with his arms crossed impatiently. "If you two are done being all sappy, I can't reach the latch you know!" 

 "Sorry Pete!" Remus called to him before jogging ahead to where he stood and reaching up with no difficulty, holding the door open to allow Peter and Sirius to climb up and following behind them. 

-

Hogsmeade village was an entirely different type of magical in December. There were colorful, glowing fairy lights around the lamp posts and candles in the windows, shops were bustling with students and local witches and wizards preparing for the upcoming Holiday season and even with the buzzing chatter of excitement, the thick blanket of snow that covered the ground the the rooftops made everything seem quiet and peaceful.

 The inside of James Potter's head, however, was not quiet and peaceful. 

_She's having a miserable time._

_Say something to her!_

_No, don't say anything to her, you'll probably say something stupid._

_You can't just go through the night entirely mute, you moron!_

_Compliment her. Say something nice. You've been waxing poetic about her for six bloody years._

 The voices in his head sounded suspiciously like Sirius, Remus and Peter. He risked a sideways glance at Lily, who was smiling contently and looking ahead as they walked along the busy streets. He licked his slightly chapped lips and cleared his throat. "Er...you look really nice today, Evans." 

_Nice. See? You've got this!_

Lily looked up, her smile widening the tiniest bit, flashing a set of perfect, white teeth. "Thanks, Potter. You clean up well yourself." 

His hand flew up through his hair. "Heh. Thanks." He carefully looked her up and down, searching for something else to say. There was so much he wanted to say. Six years worth of things he wanted to say. "That cloak looks lovely on you." He tried. "I mean. I never thought I'd like looking at something that color without thinking of Slytherin and wanting to vomit but-" 

Lily's head snapped to the side to look at him, affronted with her brows knitted together and her mouth just slightly agape.

_Buggering banshees, Potter...Maybe being mute wasn't such an awful plan._

" _Shit!_ That's not what I meant!" James hurried to apologize. "I meant....it's just a really, really pretty color on you. It brings out your eyes and your hair...and well, your eyes are a really pretty green as well-" 

 Lily's nostrils flared and she raised an eyebrow at him skeptically. "They don't make you want to puke from generations of rival house hostility?" 

James groaned, rubbing his temples with his thumb and forefinger. "Sorry. That was really bloody stupid. I don't know why I said that." 

 

_Well, it was a good attempt but this date is definitely over before it even started. She's going to hex you and that's that. You'll die a virgin. The end._

Much to his surprise, Lily did not hex him. Nor did she yell at him, strike him or storm off. She laughed.

 Not a mocking, haughty, 'I can't believe I even gave you the time of day' laugh either. 

A twinkling, melodic sort of giggle that made her eyes sparkle even more than usual and gave James that fluttery feeling in his stomach.

 Once she sobered, Lily gave his hand a squeeze. "You know, I don't think I've ever seen you quite so flustered, Potter." 

James shrugged, his lips twitching up into a slanted smile. "You never really gave me the chance to get so flustered." 

Lily's cheeks, already slightly pink from the cold, burned a little deeper red and she looked away quickly. 

 "Hey," Said James softly, giving her arm a gentle tug. "The past is in the past, yeah? Come on. We're wasting time. Let's go start this date." 

With a relieved smile, Lily nodded. "Right. Lead the way, Potter." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	86. The Date Part Two - Year Seven

James was vaguely aware that Lily was staring at him as if he had gone completely mental. 

“The Hog’s Head?” She asked, as if she expected him to laugh and tell her that he was joking before whisking her away to a much more suitable establishment. 

And a decent part of his brain wanted to do just that. There were plenty of places in the village that were much more worthy of a first date than the rundown, dodgy, goat infested pub run by Albus Dumbledore’s equally dodgy brother Aberforth. However, he had a plan and that plan did not involve bringing Lily to any of those ordinary places because this was no ordinary date. 

He grinned, shrugging nonchalantly. “Yeah. I figured you would expect some over the top, grand gesture from someone like me and I know you’re a lot more comfortable with something low key, so I figured why not?” 

Lily bit her lip, eyeing the pub apprehensively. “You know, The Three Broomsticks is low key enough.” She pointed out. 

“Nonsense.” James waved her off, taking her by the wrist and pulling her along. “Come on, you trust me, don’t you?” 

Lily frowned and raised an eyebrow at him and he sighed and shook his head. “Come on, Evans. Have a little faith, yeah?” 

“Huh, That’s strange.” Said Lily, not moving from where she stood. 

“What’s strange?”  

“I’ve never seen any stray dogs around Hogsmeade before.” 

James froze, eyes growing wide behind the frames of his glasses. It couldn’t be…

“Didn’t you see it run into those bushes?” Lily asked. “It was a big black dog-” 

_ BANG! _

James spun around so abruptly he had smacked his head on the hanging sign outside the pub and stumbling backward.

Gasping, Lily had reached out and caught his arm before he fell. 

“James, are you alright?” She asked as James rubbed at the growing bump on his head, a slew of clever swears pouring from his mouth. 

“Fuck,” He muttered, adjusting his glasses which had a crack clear across the right lense. “Yeah, I’m fine.” His eyes darted around quickly, looking for any sign of paw, tail or fur lurking in the corners.

Lily grimaced slightly, gingerly touching her finger tip to the bump on James’ head. “Here, hold still a moment.” She slid her wand from her back pocket and James smiled wryly. 

“Not going to hex me, are you Evans?” 

Lily chuckled softly and shook her head. “Not this time.  _ Episky _ .” 

There was a warm tingling feeling in his forehead as the swelling went down. Then Lily’s wand was pointed at his right eyes. “ _ Repairo _ .” and the crack in the lense was gone. 

“Thanks.” He muttered sheepishly. 

Lily smiled. “You’re welcome.” She looked around. “I hope that dog’s alright. It’s rather cold out, don’t you think?” 

James shook his head hurriedly. “I’m sure you were just seeing things. Maybe it was a goat or...a krup or something. And if it was a dog, I’m sure his boyfriend will be sure he’s gone back home-” 

“His  _ boyfriend _ ?” 

“ _ His owner _ !” He corrected himself quickly as he began ushering Lily into the pub. “I...that’s what I said. I said owner. Come on then, Lily, I think this cold is affecting your hearing.” 

 

The inside of the Hog’s Head was very small and dingy and not very well kept. The windows were so dusty that you could barely see out of them and the stone floor was covered in so much dirt and needles of hay that there appeared to be no floor at all. Then of course there was the distinct smell of goat.

James and Sirius had started frequenting The Hog’s Head during their secret trips into the village after Rosemerta caught on to them nicking bottles of Firewhiskey from behind the bar at The Three Broomsticks while she had her back turned. Aberforth never minded handing over whatever the two boys asked for and never asked many questions, which James and Sirius graciously reciprocated, opting not to wonder just what the old man was doing with his beloved goats. 

“Abe!” James greeted briskly as he approached the splintered wooden bar and the pile of dirty rags behind it. “Good to see you, old man!” 

The dirty rags in question shook itself off, sending blades of grass and hay flying about and turned around to reveal wiry gray hair with a matching beard and bright blue eyes that left no question as to whom the man was. The resemblance to his brother could not be denied, no matter how much Aberforth Dumbledore may have wished it could. 

“Ah, James!” The man grunted. He was a rough looking sort, though his his eyes twinkled. “Such a pleasant surprise to see you here on a scheduled student visit!” 

James felt his cheeks flush as Lily gave him a suspicious sideways glance. He awkwardly cleared his throat. “Er... _ ahem _ ...Aberforth, this is my friend Lily. Lily, Aberforth Dumbledore.” 

Aberforth smiled and Lily returned it, reaching to shake his extended hand. 

“Dumbledore?” Lily repeated. “Are you Professor Dumbledore’s brother?” 

James cringed inwardly, cursing himself for not warning Lily beforehand that Aberforth did not get along with his brother. Much to his relief, Aberforth seemed to brush right over the question. 

“So this is the young lady you’ve been so enamoured with, eh Potter?” He chuckled, making both Lily and James blush and avert their eyes. “Just as lovely as you said, my boy. Much lovelier than you deserve though.”  He winked at Lily, patting her hand. “He’s a good chap.” He added quietly. “Can I get you kids anything? Bit of firewhiskey to warm you up?” 

“Butterbeer for me, please.” Lily requested politely, taking a seat on one of the battered old bar stools and finally settling despite the dingy atmosphere. 

“Actually Abe, I was wondering if...er...if I could have a special request?” James stuttered, eyeing the older man hopefully.

Aberforth frowned. As much as the man was willing to turn a blind eye to the shenanigans of four young boys who just wanted to snatch some free booze for a common room party, he wasn’t particularly one to grant special favors. James sighed, reaching into his pocket and sliding three gold galleons across the bar, but keeping his hand firmly over the coins, holding the man’s gaze. 

“Remember that time Sirius and I saw you with that goat and we didn’t say anything about it?” He said in a hushed tone so that Lily wouldn’t hear. 

Aberforth's expression remained guarded and he crossed his arms. “Which time, exactly?” 

James rolled his eyes. “You pick. You still owe me.” he released the gold coins and watched Aberforth pocket them. 

“What I can I do for you lad?”

James grinned broadly. “Absolutely nothing, my good man. I’ve already taken care of it, just need your word that no one will come out back and bother us.”

Aberforth’s eyes narrowed accusingly. “What’d you do, Potter?” 

“Nothing me and the lads haven’t done before and everything will be put back the way it was when I’m finished.” James reasoned, throwing in his most charming smile as he watched the figurative gears in Aberforth’s head turn. “Look, have my mates and I ever done you wrong? Just give me an hour, alright?” 

Aberforth grunted and shook his head. “Yeah, alright. But that field best be back to normal when you’re through, Potter! My goats eat that grass, you know!” 

“You’re a gentleman and a scholar, sir.” James gave a mock solute and turned back to where Lily was sitting and, James figured, attempting to look patient while she sipped her butterbeer. “Ready?” 

Lily’s brow furrowed and she tilted her head, confused. “But I thought-?” 

James smirked and offered his hand to her again. “You thought wrong. Let’s go.” 

Lily eyed him skeptically, slowly placing her mug down on the bar before she took his hand and allowed him to lead her out the back door of the pub. 

Behind the rickety old building of the Hog’s Head Pub and past the row of small wooden goat paddocks - that honestly seemed to be better kept than the bar itself - was a large, flat field of grass where the many goats that Aberforth Dumbledore kept as company would usually graze and run about doing whatever it was that goats did with their lives. Occasionally, the Marauders had taken to the field for other activities when they didn’t want to be seen by other students. Private dueling practices to test out new hexes, games of fetch when Sirius had too much energy to burn and no safe place to transform and run free, or even to just lay out in the summer and smoke Remus’ muggle weed and drink whatever they could get Aberforth to give them. 

They had also found, three winters three winters prior, that the field could easily be charmed into a thick, sleek sheet of ice that was perfect for skating on, and that was the sight that made Lily Evans gasp softly and James tried, and failed, to hide his smug grin. 

Lily’s head snapped to the side, fixing him with an accusing glare. “I thought you said you weren’t going to go ‘Over The Top’ and this was a ‘Low Key’ date, Potter?” 

James chuckled and shrugged, holding his hands up defensively. “Hey, you’re the one who asked about my notebook full of romantic ideas. I didn’t want to disappoint. Besides, this is totally low key compared to some of the other things I’ve thought of doing with you.” He lead her to the side of the makeshift ice rink where a fallen tree trunk made an excellent place to sit. “Let’s see...I had a very elaborate plan involving a portkey that would transport us to a cafe in Paris for the evening.” Lily snorted and James smirked, continuing. “That idea was nixed when Sirius pointed out I couldn’t speak a lick of french and Remus said that we’d probably get in loads of trouble for leaving the country while under school supervision-” 

“That’s never seemed to stop you before.” 

“Hey, I’ll take a detention for transfiguring Filch’s cat into a tea cozy, but fleeing the country seemed a bit extreme.” James winked at her, enjoying the way her cheeks tinged pink. “Anyway, I figured that making a private skating rink laid somewhere in the middle of the spectrum of what you would consider Over The Top.” He took out his wand and tapped the soles of his trainers which were instantly transfigured into skates. He gestured to the boots that Lily was wearing. “May I?” 

Lily’s eyes sparkled with amusement as she lifted both of her legs to rest across James’ lap and he set to transfiguring her own skates. “So you made this yourself?” 

James nodded. “Yeah. Remus and I figured it out back in fourth year. You know, when the lake had frozen over and everyone was out there skating on it? At least up until the squid broke through and Bertram Aubrey nearly drowned.” 

“Right…” Lily cracked a smile.

“Well, Sirius had been sitting out on the side under the tree there, doing that whole pouty, brooding thing he always does when he isn’t being given the proper attention. He nearly hexed Pete’s bullocks off when Pete asked him why he wasn’t out on the ice with everyone else...turns out the poor sod was too embarrassed to admit he didn’t know how to skate. Apparently his mum thought it was a silly muggle pastime and wouldn’t allow it.” He tapped his wand on Lily’s boots. “Anyway, we took him out here, Remus and I learned the charm to do it and we taught him how so that no one would see him falling on his arse, which he did. A lot.” He snickered at the memory. “But the bruised bum was better than a bruised ego in his opinion.” 

Lily laughed softly, swinging her legs off of James’ lap. “And how about now? Can he skate?” 

James snorted and rolled his eyes. “He manages. Although I think he lays it on real thick pretending he still has trouble so that Remus will hold his hand. Prat.” He stood, shakily at first, and then helped Lily up and together they hobbled across the grass to the edge of the ice. James flashed a grin. “What about you, Evans? I can hold your hand if you need me to.” 

Lily smirked, giving him a challenging look before she stepped out onto the ice and, without even a second to adjust her balance, took off in a smooth glide, circling around the perimeter once and ending with a graceful pirouette. She grinned back at James, brushing some windswept hair from her face. “I think I’m alright. Unless you need your hand held, Potter?” 

Whatever fluttering creatures that had inhabited James’ stomach went wild once again and he knew he must have had a pretty dopey looking grin on his face, but he figured getting rid of it was a lost cause, and he stepped out onto the ice and chased after her, laughing.

 

-

 

Remus huffed in annoyance. He was cold, his denims were practically soaked through from the snow and the slush and he really just wanted to go to honeydukes, restock his chocolate supply for the next full moon and possibly get a warm butterbeer by the nice, dry fire at The Three Broomsticks. 

Instead, he was watching Padfoot try to maneuver himself to hide beneath a bush in the field behind The Hog’s Head Pub.

“I’ve warned you before,” Remus growled, agitated. “You’ll get fleas this way.” 

Padfoot made a whining sound, turning his big puppy eyes up at Remus woefully at his tone and Remus sighed. “Sorry, it’s just bloody cold out here for those of us not covered in fur, you know.” 

Wormtail squeaked in what Remus assumed was supposed to be a sympathetic way and Remus glared icily down at the pocket on the chest of his coat. “Oh please, I’m sure it’s plenty cozy in there.” 

Padfoot  _ ‘wuffed’ _ at him and pawed at the spot beside him in the bushes. Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. “You know, Pads, I really don’t  _ want _ to sit all crouched up under some prickly bush on the cold wet ground.” 

Another pitiful whine from the dog. 

“I’m not arguing with you like this, Sirius Black! You turn back and talk to me. I will not stoop to the level of crazy that is having a full fledged argument with a dog, thank you.” 

More squeaking from his pocket. 

“Yeah, Worm. I know it’s already too late for that. You’ve been a real help, by the way. Bugger both of you.” He crouched down and crawled beneath the bush beside Padfoot, growling irritably when a branch snagged his hair. Padfoot barked happily and licked his face and Remus rolled his eyes, wiping away the drool from his cheek. “Yeah, yeah...you bloody owe me. And honestly, you ought to stop barking like that. Lily already caught a glimpse of you before. You’re a lousy spy, Padfoot.” 

 

-

James was sure he was going to wake up at any moment from this dream he was clearly having. He was going to wake up to Sirius dumping a bucket of ice water on his head and telling him he was saying Lily’s name in his sleep again.

Though, even in his dreams his dates with Lily had never gone quite so well. 

They finished skating when their legs began to grow tired and James transfigured their shoes and the field back to their original forms before suggesting they move to The Three Broomsticks to grab something to eat. 

“I have to say,” Lily admitted as they walked hand in hand down the street. “I’m rather impressed, Potter.” 

James casually shrugged his shoulders, though in his mind he vividly imagined punching the air. “I told you I would make it worth your while if you’d go out with me.” 

Lily laughed. “Well, I did get a little nervous when we were at the Hog’s Head.” She confessed, her face scrunching up slightly as if she smelled something rotten. “While you were talking with Aberforth I thought I saw a rat scurry across the bar.” 

_ A rat! Peter! _

“ _ What! _ ?” James nearly shrieked, panic stricken, and he lost his footing and stumbled forward, slipping on a patch of black ice on the pavement. Desperate to catch his balance, he grabbed onto the closest thing he could for support which happened to be Lily’s arm and they both crashed down on the ground, landing in a puddle of icy slush.

_ Ah, There we are. Much more like I imagined this date would go.  _ James thought miserably as the freezing water seeped into his clothes.  _ She’ll definitely hate me now. _

“Merlin, James!” Lily gasped, picking herself up off the ground and brushing herself off. “Are you alright?” She reached out and took his arm, pulling him up as well.

James groaned as he shook some ice off of his pant leg. “Yeah, I’m alright. Merlin, I’m so sorry Lily. You’re soaked.”  

“Don’t be ridiculous, it was an accident.” Lily insisted, her green eyes looking him over with concern. “You’re sure you aren’t hurt or anything?” 

“I’m sure. Just a bruised ego. No worries, I handle them better than Sirius does at least.” James forced a laugh through chattering teeth as the cold started to set in. 

Lily nodded, but she didn’t seem convinced. “Come on then, Potter. Let’s get inside and dry off, yeah?” 

James sighed and took her hand again, letting her lead the way to The Three Broomsticks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The date will actually be three parts :-) I promise I will be posting the final installment very soon!


	87. The Date Part Three - Year Seven

Both James and Lily gave heavy sighs of relief when the moment they stepped through the heavy wooden door of The Three Broomsticks and into the heavenly heat. They exchanged looks, laughing softly at the state of soggy, frozen disheveledness they were in and raised their wands in unison to dry each other off with a quick spell.

It was much louder here than it had been at The Hogs Head, an excited buzz of laughing and chatter from their fellow students and village locals taking a break from their shopping to seek out the comfortable warmth of the pub, both in atmosphere and in temperature. Even with the dull roar of countless conversations around the dining area, Rosemerta never missed the sound of someone entering through the door and she beamed happily across the bar at them.

“Well hello there, Mr. Potter! Miss. Evans! Come in, come in, you’ll let all the heat out!” 

James pulled the door closed tightly behind them, shrugging off his heavy coat and holding his hand out to take Lily’s as well as they approached the bar. 

“Shall I get you the usual booth, then, James? I reckon Sirius and Remus and Peter will be coming along shortly? Marlene and Dorcas and Mary as well?” The barmaid nodded to the large booth in the corner that the boys normally occupied, tucked away and private so they could plot their newest pranks without being overheard.

Lily and James both shook their heads, smiling and blushing a bit.

“Er, no, actually.” 

“It’s just us, you see.” 

“It’s…”

They both stumbled over their words, finding it quite strange to admit out loud to anyone but themselves and their closest friends that this was, in fact, an official date. Rosemerta’s welcoming smile widened into a grin and her eyes lit up. 

_ “Oooh, _ ” She said, exaggerating the word and giving James a look that made him wish his animagus form was a tortoise so he could disappear into a shell. He was finally starting to regret having been so vocal about his feelings for Lily all these years. “A date then, is it?” She teased, knowing very well just how much she was embarrassing the young couple. James was sure he deserved it for all the times he and Sirius had gotten rowdy or caused trouble in the pub. 

Well deserved or not, he thought, two could play at that game.

He grinned. “I’m afraid so, Rosie dear. Alas, it seems our illicit affair must finally come to an end.” He winked at her and she rolled her eyes, still smiling fondly. “Do try not to lose too much sleep over it. There are plenty of fish in the sea.” 

Rosemerta laughed and shook her head. “It’ll be tough, but I reckon I’ll manage, Mr. Potter.” She set down the mug she had been cleaning with a rag and pulled her wand from where it had been holding her tangled, dark curls up in a knot at the top of her head. She flicked it towards a smaller booth by the fire and two place settings appeared. “You two go and have a seat. I’ll be right along in a moment.” 

They settled across from each other in the booth, both grimacing slightly at the candle Rosemerta had jokingly added to create a more romantic setting and further humiliate James. 

It was then, sitting face to face in a cozy booth in a warm, familiar pub that they both found themselves suddenly riddled with nerves. They fidgeted, James fiddling with the corner of the list of the day’s specials and Lily absently twirling her hair around her forefinger, avoiding eye contact as they searched their brains for what to say. What did one talk about on a date, anyway? With no spontaneous ice skating rink or dodgy bar owners with too many goats to distract them, they were at quite a loss.

Rosemerta came and went with their drink orders and still they remained silent.

“So…” They both started awkwardly, trailing off into equally uncomfortable laughs.

Lily cleared her throat before smirking and lifting an expectant eyebrow at him. “Nothing in that epic dating journal about good conversation topics, Potter?” 

James snorted, chuckling and shaking his head. “Honestly even my fantasy dates never lasted long enough to actually have a conversation with you that didn’t end with you casting an itching hex on my underwear.” 

Lily hissed, biting her lip and looking apologetic. “I did do that to you once, didn’t I?” 

James laughed sharply. “Once? It was your specialty in fourth year!” He leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest and fixing her with an accusing stare. “You’ve quite a malicious streak in you, Evans. And brilliant aim, I might add. Got me clear across a crowded corridor once. You’ve no idea how embarrassing it is to have to go to Madam Pomfrey because your balls feel like they’ve caught fire from scratching!”

Lily gasped, eyes widening both in surprise and amusement. “You had to ask Pomfrey for help with your-”

“Nah,” James smirked and waved her off with one hand. “Sirius owed me for some humiliating stints he had gotten himself into...Although, looking back it wasn’t all that intelligent to trust a fourteen year old pointing his wand at my bits either, especially since he could hardly get the spell out without dissolving into giggles. He might’ve blown them clear off or caused some other damage.” 

“Hmmm.” Lily nodded, adapting a very serious expression. “I suppose that must be what happened...you know, all those rumors one hears. At least, I thought they were rumors-”

James frowned. “Rumors about what?” He asked, affronted. 

Lily grinned. “That your manhood is the size of a doxy’s arm.” 

James’ jaw dropped and he stared across the table at her. “Who the bloody hell-!”

Lily was almost cackling. “Merlin, Potter, I’m joking!”

James deflated, letting out a gust of breath and sinking down in his seat. He narrowed his eyes at her, but smiled. “See? Malicious, Evans.”  

Rosemerta was back, placing mugs of warm butterbeer overflowing with foam in front of them and they took the opportunity to drink heavily from them, buying some spare seconds to think of what to say next. 

James wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “So...I suppose we’re supposed to get to know each other better, right?” 

Lily’s brow furrowed. “We’ve known each other nearly seven years.” 

“Right.” Said James, wryly. “You knew me as some spoiled pain in the arse git you couldn’t get rid of and I knew you as a stubborn, prissy, unattainable girl with a wicked knack for hexing my pants.” 

Lily shrugged. “Well I’m still stubborn and prissy.” She said pointedly. “And my knowledge and talent for hexes has probably increased.” 

The corner of James’ lip twitched up a bit. “You’re not as prissy as I thought you were.” 

“Nor as unattainable, it would seem.” Lily noted with a hint of a smile. 

James snickered, taking another sip from his butterbeer. “The night’s not over yet yet, Evans. I’m still a spoiled, pain in the arse git. I could still royally fuck this up.” 

“You won’t.” Lily laughed, plucking her wand out of her pocket and twirling it between her fingers with a mock-threatening expression. “Not if you don’t want another itching hex on your bits, Potter.” 

The awkwardness began to fade and they found themselves falling into a comfortable conversation, beginning with the mutual topics of classwork, their Head Student Duties and their quickly approaching N.E.W.Ts. 

“Mad, isn’t it?” Lily commented in awe, running her finger around the rim of her Butterbeer mug and collecting some left over foam there. “That we’re already preparing for N.E.W.Ts. After that...it’ll all practically be over, won’t it? School, I mean.” She shuddered. “It’s strange. I can’t imagine leaving here and not coming back after the summer, you know? I hate to admit it, everyone thinks I’m so bright and I’ve got my future all figured out but I have no idea where I’m going to go after graduation…” 

James’ mouth turned down thoughtfully. “Can’t you go home? There’s no shame in that while you figure out the next step-”

“Hogwarts _ is _ my home.” Said Lily firmly, her eyes meeting James’ and holding his gaze for a moment before she softened with a sigh. “I love my mum and dad. I just can’t see myself going back to live in the muggle world after this...I won’t fit in anymore. I don’t belong there...Petunia was right all along.” 

“Your sister?” 

Lily nodded sorrowfully. “We were close once.” She said slowly, as if she wasn’t sure if the memory was real anymore or if she had made it up at some point in her life, desperate to have had some sort of connection with her sister. “And then things started to happen to me; wonderful, extraordinary things that no one could explain-”

James bit his lip, reaching out to gently touch Lily’s hand. “We don’t have to talk about it if-” 

“No,” Lily interrupted urgently. “I want to.” She glanced down at their joined hands on the table, and for a moment James thought she was going to pull away, but she didn’t. Instead she laced their fingers together. “When I was seven years old, a big storm hit and my mother’s garden was destroyed. My mother was a bit obsessed with her gardening, you see - Well, I’m sure that’s no surprise...she named us after flowers - Petunia and I felt awful and we wanted to try to make it better. 

So when the weather let up, I told Petunia I wanted to surprise mum and replant her garden, so we snuck outside. Petunia told me to stay put while she went to the shed where all of mum’s supplies were - We weren’t allowed in the shed, there were too many sharp tools and things on high shelves that we might break or could fall and hurt us. While I was waiting for her, I knelt down among all the dead flowers and I dug my hands into the mud and I felt something strange...like something tingling that started in my chest and flowed straight through my arms to my fingertips.” She smiled, eyes shining. “And then I heard a crash and a scream. I jumped up and I saw my mum and dad running to the shed. Petunia had been trying to reach some seeds and bulbs on a high shelf and the shelf had fallen and broken a bunch of pots and planters...and Petunia’s arm as well.” She worried her bottom lip and James squeezed her hand. “Mum was furious. Dad pulled Tuney out of the shed and was carrying her to the car to bring her to the hospital to see to her arm and Mum marched over to the garden to collect me, scolding me for dirtying my clothes and putting my sister in danger but when she got to the edge of the garden she stopped, staring at me in shock...the garden had grown back all around me, in full bloom.” 

James smirked. “Your first sign of magic?” 

Lily nodded. “Mum was so stunned with what I had done, she nearly forgot to be angry until Dad and Tuney got home from the Hospital. Petunia was grounded for going into the shed, but I wasn’t even though it had been my idea. Instead mum asked me for help with the house plants.” She rolled her eyes. “Anyway...Petunia hated what I could do. She didn’t understand why I could do something so amazing and...and so magical….and she couldn’t. It only got worse as we got older. She called me a freak and she said what I could do was abnormal and weird and that I should stop using it and maybe it would go away. So I tried.”

James’ eyes went wide. “You can’t just make your magic go away. That’s….that’s dangerous-”

Lily laughed sardonically and shrugged. “Obviously it didn’t work. Things happened around me whether I wanted them to or not...Every year it got stronger and I could do more things and every year she hated me more for it. I felt _ so _ alone. Until I met a boy in the park - a strange, lonely little boy my age who could do amazing things just like I could - who told me I wasn’t alone.” She let go of James’ hand then, wrapping both of her arms around herself. “James, I owe you an apology. I’ve owed you one since before I even met you.” 

“Wha-?” 

“I knew from the beginning that Severus wasn’t the person he pretended to be when he was with me. I knew what his interests were, and I knew his opinion towards people with non magical blood. Even back then, before Hogwarts, he would say things about muggles - about my own sister - and he would tell me that we were superior because of what we could do. I wanted so badly to believe that he was better than that and that he was the kind, sweet boy that made me feel like I fit in somewhere. I wanted to believe it so badly that I let it blind me to the truth and ignore when I saw him with his nose in a book about ancient blood magic and occult spells...it also made me hate you, because you saw what I didn’t want to see and you weren’t afraid to call it out for what it was.” She sniffled, tears in her eyes. “I treated you horribly for six years because you made me realize just how stupid and easily manipulated I had been.”  

James shook his head, reaching across the table to reclaim her hand. “Lily, stop.” He said gently. “You hated me because I was really,  _ really  _ annoying.” Lily cracked a smile and he returned it briefly. “You weren’t stupid for wanting to see the good in someone. That’s what makes you such an amazing person. More people should be willing to give people a chance like that. I wish I was more like you.” 

Lily raised an eyebrow at him. “You?” She laughed. “You  _ are _ like that, James. Look at what you’ve done for Sirius. His whole family is full of dark magic, but you didn’t let that stop you from being friends with him and now you’re practically brothers. And Remus! You didn’t turn him away when you found out about his condition. Even Peter...anyone who looks at Peter would never assume that he was friends with people like you or Sirius but you treat him just the same as you treat the rest of your friends. You’re giving me a chance even after I gave you every reason to think I was some horrible snobby twat.”

“Ooh, such language, Evans!” Said James, mimicking offense. 

Lily rolled her eyes. “My point is, you’re a really wonderful person, James. I’m sorry that I didn’t look past the things I didn’t like to see that earlier...And I’m really glad we’re finally on this date.” 

 

-

“Sirius, for the love of Merlin, I am not playing fetch with you right now!” Remus insisted, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes at the dog who was currently wielding what was really more of a small branch than a stick.

Padfoot bowed in a playful stance in the snow, his tail - and most of his body- wiggling excitedly. 

_ Outside! Never get to be outside! Fun! Play, Remus, Play! _

Wasn’t he outside for a reason? Padfoot couldn’t remember. He just knew it had been ages since Boy-Remus had been outside with him instead of Wolf-Moony. Padfoot loved Wolf-Moony very much. He loved to run and wrestle with him and hunt and kill rabbits to share with his wolf mate, but Boy-Remus was much more fun. Boy-Remus had hands - Padfoot loved hands - that could throw sticks, and scratch his ears and his belly, and throw sticks, and give him treats and-

Padfoot growled enticingly, thrashing his head from side to side and waving the stick around to catch Remus’ interest. Couldn’t he see what a wonderful stick this was? It deserved to be thrown! Padfoot was a good dog. Good boy. He deserved to chase the good stick. 

“Wormtail will be back any minute you know.” Said Remus, pointedly.

_ Wormtail? _

Padfoot cocked his head to the side. Oh, right. Rat-Peter had been with them, hadn’t he? Where had he gone? Oh well…

_ Play! Outside! Fun! Throw, Remus! Throw!  _

He rolled onto his back to show his belly the way he knew both Wolf and Boy liked and his tail thumped triumphantly when he saw the boy’s resolve melt away, his eyes softening and a smile starting to form. 

_ Yes. Remus smile. That’s why Padfoot exists. Make Boy happy. Make Wolf happy _ . 

He flipped back onto his stomach as Remus approached, growling playfully again as Remus bent down and grabbed onto one end of the stick.

“Alright, boy, drop it!” 

_ Drop? No! Good stick! Padfoot’s stick! _

“Padfoot.” Remus repeated more sternly, tugging despite the dog’s refusal to obey. “Drop the stick. I can’t throw it if you don’t let me have it!” 

The scent of rodent and the sound of frantic squeaking broke Padfoot’s concentration on the game and he released the stick, sending Remus flying backward into the snow. 

“Damn it, Pads!” Remus growled in annoyance, rubbing his backside.

Wormtail scurried towards them as quickly as his tiny legs could manage through the freshly fallen powder, and he transformed back into a boy once he reached them, gasping for breath. 

“Date…” He said breathlessly, doubled over with his hands on his knees. “Date was going well.”

_ Date? Oh. Yes! Reason for outside. Prongs and Red Hair Girl _ !

Remus frowned. “Was? Did something happen?”

“Er...well...not yet. They’re leaving The Three Broomsticks now and James wants to stop at Honeydukes, but...well Snivellus was in the pub and he saw them-” 

Padfoot snarled at the name, hackles rising.

“Down, Padfoot. No.” Remus scolded him off-handedly, focused more on Peter. “Did Severus say something to them?” 

Peter shook his head. “No. He and a bunch of other Slytherins slipped out to get to Honeyduke’s before them. So I figured maybe we should find a way to divert-” 

“PADFOOT NO!” Remus shouted as Padfoot took off, sprinting towards the main street of the village, snow flying behind him. 

-

 

_ If I were to be struck down by a killing curse at this exact moment, _ James thought gleefully as Lily allowed him to put his arm around her, pulling her in close to shield her from the bitter cold air while they walked down the street together.  _ I don’t think I’d have any regrets _ . 

Well, perhaps that was an exaggeration. Of course it would be preferable to not die a virgin, and a kiss would probably be a nice addition, but simply holding the girl like this was enough to make him believe he could die happy. _ Nothing could ruin this night. _

A dog barked, a little too close by the sound of it, and James bit back a groan.  _ Except that _ .

“James!” Lily gasped, tugging on his sleeve. “James, look! That’s the same dog from before!”

Reluctantly, James _ did _ look. And he _ did _ groan. 

There, sitting across the road, was a bearlike, shaggy dog with his tail wagging and tongue lolling from his mouth. James glared daggers at him. 

“Ahh,” Lily practically cooed, pulling away from James to address the dumb mutt. “Come here, boy!” She bent down slightly and held out her had to beckon the dog over. 

“Lily, don’t.” James sneered. “Look, he’s probably got rabies or mange or something.” 

Padfoot looked mildly affronted. 

Lily tutted softly and shook her head. “Nonsense, Potter.” She scratched behind the dog’s ears and James revisited the idea of that killing curse striking him down. “Hello, you sweet thing.” She looked over her shoulder at James and frowned. “You’re not afraid of dogs, are you Potter?” 

Padfoot made a noise that was as close to a laugh as a dog could make and James huffed. “ _ No _ .” He insisted. “I’m not afraid of dogs, Evans. I just don’t make a habit of petting flea infested mutts on the street.” 

Lily laughed. “You’re being ridiculous.” She reached into her bag, taking out a package of shortbread biscuits, breaking one in half and feeding it to the dog, earning her a lick to the face. James seethed. 

_ You are enjoying this far too much, you bastard _ .  

“Maybe we should bring him to Hagrid’s?” Lily suggested, petting his head affectionately. 

“We should bring him to the pound is what we should do.” James grumbled. “And be sure they neuter him while we’re at it.” 

Padfoot yelped, eyes going wide as he stared up at James incredulously. 

“James!” Lily scolded. “He’s probably only lost.” She looked around. “He must belong to someone.” 

James snorted. “Someone who needs to shorten his leash a bit.” 

Padfoot went stiff suddenly, looking off in the distance and James - out of pack instinct - froze and followed his gaze, half expecting some sort of danger. He saw nothing, but with one last happy  _ yip _ and another lick to Lily’s hand, the dog ran off, disappearing into the night.

Lily straightened, frowning as she watched him run off. “Strange. Maybe he’s gone home?” 

James nodded. “I’m sure of it.” He said, putting his arm back around Lily’s shoulders. “Come on, Lily. There’s still enough time to stop in at Honeydukes before we have to get back to the castle.” 

 

Honeydukes was surprisingly empty for the time of year, though James supposed it was rather late in the evening and most of the students had already started to head back to school. He offered to treat Lily to whatever she wanted in the shop, but she politely declined.

“Really, James, you’ve done enough. This one’s on me.” She smiled, her eyes wandering around in search of whatever sweets she wanted to buy. She brightened, gasping excitedly. “Look, there’s Remus!” 

_ Of course. _

“Wonderful.” James muttered as Lily ran over and flung her arms around the werewolf. Remus hugged her back, giving James an apologetic look over Lily’s shoulder. 

“I thought you weren’t coming today!” Said Lily once she released Remus from her vice like embrace. 

“Er, I wasn’t.” Said Remus, still holding James’ gaze. “But I was out of chocolate frogs. Pete tends to sleep walk and he gets into my stash and well...here I am.” 

Merlin that boy was a shit liar. James thought it was a miracle no one other than them had ever gotten the truth about his condition out of him. 

Lily said something about Remus making sure Peter paid him back what he was owed before excusing herself to find some Ice Mice. 

Remus smiled sheepishly at James, who glared back. 

“What are you doing?” James demanded.

“Damage control.”

“Well, control your damage!” James growled. “Or keep him on a leash, at least!”

Remus sighed and rolled his eyes. “Sorry. It wasn’t my idea-” 

“I didn’t think it was.” 

“-Padfoot decided it was prudent to accompany you on your date and make sure it went well.”

“Of course he did.” 

“Because he cares.” 

“Obviously.” James pinched the bridge of his nose. “Well, as you can see, it’s going perfectly fine despite his interference. What was with his little stray pup act, anyway?” 

“Damage control.” Remus repeated, shrugging. 

“You mentioned.” 

Remus’ deflated under James’ skeptical stare. “Severus and some of the Slytherins saw you at the Three Broomsticks and they were going to head you off here. Pads was diverting you to buy you time. He didn’t want you to have to fight the git in front of Lily.” 

James faltered, blinking behind his glasses. “Seriously?” He looked around quickly. “You didn’t have a run in with them, did you?” He asked, lowering his voice. 

Remus shook his head, smirking. “Nah. Hit them with a confounding jinx and made them think the shop was closed. They panicked and thought they were late getting back to the castle and ran off.” 

James snickered, punching Remus lightly on the arm. “Bloody genius, Moony.” 

“I know I am.” 

James bit his lip, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well...thanks, I suppose. Tell Pete and your stupid mutt I said thanks too.” 

There was a series or squeaks from Remus’ coat pocket and James laughed. “Ah. Well, thank you then, Pete. I think I can handle the rest from here on my own though, yeah?” 

Remus smiled and gave James’ shoulder a squeeze. “Go get her, mate.” He caught Lily’s eye at the other end of the store and waved his goodbye to her before exiting the shop. 

 

Lily paid for her sweets - and a box of Bertie Botts that James had selected when she insisted he let her buy him something in return for him taking care of the drinks at the pub - and they left just as the shop was closing. They headed back to the school, walking slowly and picking from the bag of assorted candy that Lily had bought herself. They kept the conversation light, no further signs of dogs or rats even as they entered the castle and made their way up to Gryffindor Tower.

“Believe me, I know exactly how you feel.” Lily groaned dramatically. “For once I’d like to be able to go into my own dorm room without having to worry about walking in on Marly with her head between Dorcas’ legs.” 

James cackled. “Oh? They don’t remember what bloody bed curtains are for either?”

Lily chuckled and shook her head. “Apparently not.” She looked up at the portrait of the fat lady. “ _ Flibbertigibbet _ .” The portrait swung open and they stepped over into the common room. “And don’t even get me started on-” 

“Silencing Charms?” James finished with a smirk.

“Exactly!” Lily said, exasperated. 

They were standing at the bottom of the staircases that lead to the dorm rooms. James’ stomach tightened suddenly as they turned to face each other, neither of them speaking for a long moment. 

Lily licked her lips, looking down and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I…” She started. “I really did have a great time tonight, Potter.” She met his eyes. “Thank you.” 

James swallowed hard. “Me too...and….you know...thanks as well.” He cleared his throat and nodded towards the stairs to the girls’ dorm. “I’d walk you to your door but the last time I tried to get up there in third year the bloody stairs turned into a slide.” 

Lily feigned surprise. “Did they? How strange.” 

“Almost like magic or something.” James played along. 

They were both stalling. Should he make the first move? He didn’t want to ruin such a good night by misreading how she wanted to end it. 

What if he kissed her and she got angry at him for moving too quickly?

Or worse…

What if he kissed her and he was just awful at it? 

“Well,” Said Lily softly. “Goodnight, Potter.” She smiled, turning away to head up the stairs. 

_ Idiot! _ James cursed himself. _ Where’s your bloody Gryffindor Courage, you arse! _

“Evans!” He called, and she stopped, slowly turning around and looking at him expectantly. 

“Yes?” 

He grabbed onto her wrist. “I just want to have something to brag about to the Giant Squid.” He grinned, pulling her back to him and pressing his lips against hers. 

 

_ Finally _ .


	88. Christmas 1977 Part 1 - Year Seven*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***This chapter contains smut that is slightly more graphic than previous smut scenes have been in this fic....and I'm not sorry about it...but I do want to give you a fair warning lol.

“Voldemort’s numbers are increasing at an alarm rate, Albus.” Growled Moody, both his good eye and his magical one fixed on the older wizard across the desk. “He’s recruiting wherever and whatever he can. Our latest informants tell us he’s started to rally nonhumans, as well. Giants, Goblins, Werewolves; promising them welfare and immunity against the discrimination that Wizardkind has set against them.”

Albus sighed, his expression remaining calm, if not contemplative. “Do we have proof of his alliances? Or it it word of mouth?” 

“We’ve got absolute certainty of at least one.” Moody grunted, shoving a stack of parchment across the lacquered mahogany. “Fenrir Greyback.” His bright blue mechanical eye swiveled in its socket to land on Minerva as she gasped sharply. “Reckon you remember his name from a few years back, eh?” He chuckled darkly. “All those missing little ones he infected back in the 60’s? They’re not so little anymore. He’s got himself a proper pack now, and Voldemort’s offering them all sorts of fresh meat if they stick with him.” 

Albus’ eyes scanned over the paperwork in front of him. Detailed notes of the latest Death Eater attacks, the casualties of both muggle and wizards alike, predictions of where they might strike next. Alastor was right, they were starting to become detrimentally outnumbered. 

“What do you suggest, Alastor?” He asked, not taking his eyes off the parchment. 

“I suggest we recruit more people, same as what he’s doing left and right!” 

Albus shook his head, doubtful. “We’ve tried, Alastor. You know we’ve tried. People are scared, rightfully so, to defy him. We’ve exhausted our options for allies and there’s only so much we can offer that Voldemort hasn’t offered tenfold.”

“Have we, though?” Moody asked gruffly. “You’ve a school full of young talent here, Albus. Train them up, ready them to fight-” 

At that moment, Minerva stood abruptly. “Are you suggesting, Alastor, that we send  _ students!?”  _

“I’m suggesting,  _ Minerva _ ,” Moody retaliated sharply, staring her down. “That we do what a school is supposed to do, and ready them for what’s waiting out there beyond these walls!” 

“They are _ children _ , Mad-eye! Not soldiers!” Minerva Snapped, standing tall and defiant at Dumbledore’s right shoulder. “We will not resort to involving innocent children-”

“We’ve reason to believe that Voldemort has already begun to enlist ‘ _ children’ _ , Minerva.” Moody informed roughly, his gravelly voice low and threateningly serious. “Some of whom may be in this school as we speak.” 

Minerva made a distressed sound in the back of her throat and sat heavily back in her seat, her hand covering her mouth and eyes wide behind her glasses. She looked from Moody to Dumbledore and back again. 

“ _ Albus _ -” 

“I will not put my students at risk, Alastor.” Said Dumbledore firmly. “However,” He sighed, sliding the stack of parchment back to the Auror. “We will modify Defense classes to teach them more advanced spell work as well as give them more hands-on training for dueling. You are correct, they do need to be prepared for what’s out there. Also,” He added, as Moody opened his mouth to argue. “Graduating seventh years will be monitored for the remainder of the year. I will select the ones who show the most promise and skill and extend the invitation to join the Order once they have finished their schooling.”

There was a long pause, the two wizards holding each other’s stubborn gaze waiting to see who would back down. Eventually, Moody conceded. 

“Alright, Albus.” He grunted. “Fair enough.”

“I trust you can see your way out, Alastor.” Said Dumbledore, with no room for the other man to argue further. 

“Right.” Moody grumbled, clearly displeased at being dismissed. He nodded to both Albus and Minerva, collected his things and left. 

Both professors were silent for a while, letting all that had just been revealed and all that must now be done settle in their minds. 

“They’re just children, Albus.” Minerva repeated quietly, her voice full of emotion as images of her seventh year students flashed through her mind. She knew there would be a time that they would be asked to fight, but she had hoped it wouldn’t be so soon. 

Albus sighed, not meeting her eyes. “Once they are out of this school, we can no longer protect them. Once they are out of this school, it’s their war too.” 

 

-

 

Remus stared down at the letter in his hands, reading it over and over as if, by some sort of Christmas miracle, the words would change and this horrible knot that had formed in his stomach when he first read them at breakfast that morning would go away. They didn’t change, though. His father’s neat cursive telling him apologetically, but inarguably, that he could not come home for the Holidays.

_ With the unfortunate timing of the lunar cycle and your mother’s current state of health, I’m afraid I must insist that you remain at Hogwarts for Christmas _ . 

He wasn’t going home for Christmas. He felt his chest tighten painfully as his head swam, trying to make sense of it all. His mother’s health was declining and he was being robbed of spending Christmas with her. 

_ Please understand that this is not an easy decision to make, Remus, and it hurts me as much as it hurts you _ .  _ I simply cannot devote the attention you deserve after your transformations while your mother is at this stage in her treatments, and I fear that the stress of it all could be detrimental to her _ .

He felt tears sting his eyes, but he fought against them. His condition would put too much stress on his mother, maybe even kill her, just from having him around. 

He crumpled up the letter, anger and grief running so hot through him that the paper turned to ash in his fist. He hated himself for what he was and for the pain he caused the people he loved. He couldn’t even have a proper Christmas! 

And what if…

Remus shuddered to himself, not wanting to acknowledge the fear that had been haunting him for quite some time. What if his mother didn’t have another Christmas after this? His father had only said that the current state of her health - due to what Remus could only assume was Chemotherapy - couldn’t tolerate the extra stress of having her werewolf son transforming in the basement, but he didn’t say _ how _ bad her health had actually become. 

Drawing his knees to his chest, Remus let his head fall back against the headboard behind the closed curtains of his bed and let out a shaky breath. He couldn’t help but laugh bitterly to himself, it was just so typically cliche for his miserable existence. 

He closed his eyes tightly, wondering for a blissfully naive moment if he could get away with not having his friends find out that he would be stuck here to suffer the Full Moon and Christmas all alone.

Who was he kidding? There was no way around them finding out, and once they did they would all feel obligated, noble as the prats were, to feel sorry for him. They would either insist on staying with him, forgoing their own Christmas plans, or they would apologize a million times over until they left, giving him looks of pity every time they laid eyes on him from now until Easter. Either way, it seemed like his lycanthropy was officially ruining Christmas for everyone he cared about.

Bah Bloody Humbug. 

The door to the dormitory crashed open, interrupting Remus’ silent fortress of self loathing as three pairs of feet stomped their way across the floor.

The other boys were laughing and, by the sound of it, roughhousing playfully with each other, probably already beginning to feel the high of the Winter Holiday break from classes.

“Merlin, Pads! Get your bloody freezing hands off!” James half laughed, half demanded, followed by a loud thud that Remus assumed must have been him throwing Sirius off onto the floor. 

“You deserve it, you wanker! After you dumped all that snow down the back of my shirt!” Sirius argued. “It’ll be entirely your fault if I catch some crazy flu right before Christmas, and you know what I’ll do? I’ll rub all of my germy, sick snot on your pillow so you’re Christmas will be ruined as well!” 

“You’re so dramatic, Padfoot.” Peter laughed. “You’re only sore because I beat you in that snowball fight.” 

“Which you wouldn’t have done if I hadn’t been  _ distracted _ by the bloody _ avalanche _ Prongs shoved down my poor, _ sensitive  _ flesh! Do you know how inbred my family is? Weakens your immune system, I could catch anything!” 

James snorted. “Oh you poor, frail thing.” 

“Christmas shall be ruined, James! I’m telling mum it’s all your fault.” 

Remus couldn’t take it anymore. He felt something unfamiliar rising from deep inside of him. His usual desire to conceal his feelings behind a wall built mental wall was being overtaken by the urge to just scream it out. His wall was crumbling. Before he could stop himself he yanked back the curtain of his bed, causing his friends to stop what they were doing and stare and his voice escaped him without consulting first with his brain as he shouted. “YES, ALRIGHT!? CHRISTMAS IS BLOODY RUINED! AND IT’S  _ MY _ FAULT! I’M STAYING HERE FOR CHRISTMAS BECAUSE I’M NOT ALLOWED HOME BECAUSE OF THE STUPID MOON! AND I DON’T WANT YOUR PITY AND I DON’T WANT YOU TO FEEL OBLIGATED TO STAY HERE WITH ME. I JUST WANT-” 

“Of course we’re going to stay here with you.” Said Peter, as if any other plan would have been completely mad. 

“Merlin, Remus, why didn’t you just say so?” Said James, frowning with concern as he and Sirius approached Remus’ bed.

Remus blinked owlishly, still in shock from having exploded like that. He shook his head. “N-No.” He insisted. “I don’t want you lot to feel like you need to stay here. You should go home. It’s Christmas. I don’t want to ruin-?” 

Sirius’ brow furrowed and he cocked his head. “Ruin what? Moony, it’s our last Christmas at school. Why shouldn’t we all spend it here together?” 

Remus huffed. He knew they would react this way. He should be happy that he had friends that would feel this way about the situation, but he wasn’t. “You should be home, enjoying your Christmas.”

Sirius gave him a look of utter disbelief. “You think I’d be enjoying anything, knowing you’re here or even if you were home or anywhere that I couldn’t be with you when you needed me?” He and James took a seat on opposite sides of Remus who was still shaking his head. 

“I don’t want your pity.” He muttered.

“Good.” James shrugged. “Because you haven’t got mine.” 

“Or mine.” Sirius agreed. 

“You’ve got a little of mine, honestly.” Peter admit with a smirk. “But only because you’re dating Padfoot-  _ OY _ ! I thought we agreed no more stinging hexes, you git!” 

Sirius snickered and tucked his wand back into his pocket, turning back to Remus. “Moony, this isn’t about us feeling sorry for you. It’s never been about that. It’s the same reason we go with you for every full moon. We  _ want _ to. We want to all be together. We’re a pack.  _ Your  _ pack. Not being with you would be as hard for us as it would be for you.” He smiled and leaned in, nuzzling his cold nose against Remus’ cheek in a very canine form of affection until the corner of Remus’ lips tugged up a bit.  

“You’re bloody freezing, Pads.” Remus chuckled softly, shoving his boyfriend away.

“Yeah, well, that’s because James is a git.” Sirius grinned. He nodded to James. “Oy, git, go write mum and tell her we aren’t coming home for the Hols.” 

“Already on it.” James said affirmatively, hopping off of Remus’ bed and making his way over to his own. He pulled out some parchment and two quills, tossing one across to Peter who seemed to be having difficulty finding one of his own. They two of them set to writing home and Sirius pulled the curtains around Remus’ bed closed, casting a silencing charm and turning around to sit cross legged in front of his boyfriend. He waited, clearly giving Remus the chance to speak up before he asked questions. Remus said nothing, staring down at his knees and picking a loose thread in his jeans. 

“Why didn’t you tell us you were staying here sooner?” Sirius asked softly, watching him with worried eyes. 

Remus sighed, still picking at the thread. “Just found out this morning.” He worried his bottom lip. “Dad sent a letter. He said with mum’s health being the way it is, having me go through the moon in the basement would cause too much stress and it could be detrimental to her.” 

Sirius didn’t respond right away, carefully choosing what the right thing to say was. “Moons, I’m so sorry. Is...Is her health really getting that bad?” 

Remus gave a half hearted shrug and slumped back against the headboard again. “Dunno. They aren’t telling me anything...just that having me around could possibly kill her.” He hated himself for how thick his voice sounded. Then Sirius was crawling forward towards him. 

“Hey, love, it’s going to be alright…” Said Sirius, sitting beside him and wrapping one arm around him to pull him closer. Remus let his head fall onto Sirius’ shoulder. “Listen, fuck what your dad said, okay? You’re not too much-”

Remus shook his head. “Padfoot, the thing is I can’t even disagree with him. I completely understand his reasons and he isn’t wrong.” He nuzzled into the safety of Sirius’ neck and breathed in. It amazed him how instantly calming his mate’s scent had become. “Sorry I shouted at all of you before. I don’t even know where that came from. I just knew you’d all find out anyway and I didn’t want you all to feel obligated to-”

“That’s complete bullshit, Moons.” Said Sirius. “Stop thinking of yourself as some sort of obligation or chore to us. That’s not what you are.” He kissed the top of Remus’ head. “And you’re father was wrong to say that you were too stressful to have around, I don’t care what his reasons are. I’ve met your mum and she’s a strong woman and she absolutely adores you. There’s no way she doesn’t want you home for Christmas, whether your covered in hair or not.” 

“Sirius…”

Sirius shifted and placed his hand under Remus’ face, tilting it up so he could look into his eyes. “I know, she’s ill. I just…” he licked his lips. “I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re an inconvenience or that you’re more trouble than you’re worth....at least not to me, alright?” 

It was hard to argue with Sirius when he was looking at him like that, and Remus melted slightly under his gaze, the knot in his stomach beginning to loosen and disappear. He smiled softly.

“Sirius…” 

“Yes, love?” 

“You’re fucking freezing.”

Sirius groaned and released Remus’ face from his icy hands and folded his arms with a huff. Remus laughed. “What the hell did you do out there? Take a dip in the lake?” 

“I told you! Prongs is an Abominable Snow Twat!” He pouted ad shifted closer again. “Moony, warm me up!” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and Remus tried to shove him away.

“No bloody way, Pad _ -AH _ ! BLOODY  _ FUCK _ ! SIRIUS GET YOUR COLD HANDS OUT OF MY PANTS! YOU’LL FREEZE MY BITS OFF!” He shivered. “Merlin’s tits, Sirius! Go take a hot shower and thaw!” With another hard shove, he pushed Sirius right off the bed where he fell to the ground with a thud.

“Ow!” Sirius half whined, half laughed, getting up and rubbing his arse. “Fine, alright, I’ll take a shower.” He grinned seductively. “You could come with me, you know.” 

Remus rolled his eyes. “You’re incorrigible, Pads.” He sat on the edge of his bed, watching as Sirius stuck his tongue out at him and turned on his heel, swaying his hips a with slight exaggeration as he sauntered off to the bathroom. Heat pooled in Remus’ stomach and lower and he cleared his throat to cover the growl he felt creeping up. Damn Sirius and his perfect arse. Damn the moon making him want that perfect arse so badly. He stood, ignoring James and Peter’s cat calls as he hurried to follow Sirius to the showers. 

 

-

Madam Pomfrey was staring him down, arms crossed and expression unmoving. Remus had really underestimated how stubborn the woman could be. 

He smiled earnestly. “Really, Madam Pomfrey, I’ll be alright. I’ve been doing so well the last few years, haven’t I? When’s the last time you walked in on me in a puddle of my own blood or-” 

“ _ Mr. Lupin _ !”

“Sorry, but it’s true, isn’t it? I won’t die up in that shack if you don’t come out to get me in the morning.” Remus tried not to sound too desperate. He deflated slightly and trying a more logical approach. “Look, to be completely honest, I’m going to be graduating in a couple of months, Poppy. I think it’s...it might be time for me to learn to take care of myself.” 

Madam Pomfrey’s expression remained skeptical, but had softened considerably. “Alright, Remus. You do have a point…” She looked at him, suddenly full of emotion Remus thought may be affection. “Merlin’s beard, sometimes I look at you and I still just see the scared little thing you were that first time I walked you to the Shack. Now look at you,” She smiled. “You’ve grown into quite a strong, intelligent young man.”

Remus felt his cheeks go hot with embarrassment and he laughed awkwardly, averting his eyes. “Poppy, are you crying?” 

The nurse sniffled softly and shook her head. “I must admit, Mr. Lupin, I have grown quite fond of you.” She reached out and squeezed his shoulder. “I never had the opportunity to have children of my own, dear. This school and the students that pass through are those closest I’ll ever have...It’s hard when you realize that your children don’t need you anymore.” 

Remus’ chest tightened. Perhaps it was everything that was happening with his own mother at home mixed with the way the moon was already starting to mess with his emotions. He was glad that Sirius, James and Peter hadn’t accompanied him to the Hospital Wing that afternoon because at that moment, he surged forward and embraced the mediwitch tightly. “Don’t be silly.” He chuckled, ignoring the burning in his eyes. “I’m sure I’ll always need you for something, Poppy. I’m pants at potions, after all. I’ll be in my thirties and I’ll still need you to brew my pepper up.” 

Madam Pomfrey laughed, patting him softly on the back before letting him go. “Alright then. You’re on your own, but you come straight here once you wake up, do you understand?” She said sternly.

Remus grinned and nodded. “Yes, ma’am. Thank you.” He turned and headed out of the infirmary.

“I mean it, young man!” Pomfrey called after him. “If you’re not in this castle and on this cot by ten in the morning, I’ll send a search party!” 

-

The impending painful transformation aside, Remus found that he was actually quite happy to experience Hogwarts during the Holiday break. With nearly all of the students gone home to their families, the castle had gone quiet and blissfully calm. They practically had the entire school to themselves, save a hufflepuff or two, a handful of Ravenclaws and a rumored group of Slytherins that hadn't even left the dungeons for meals since the end of term.

They spent most of the afternoons outside building snow barricades and challenging the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuffs to snowball fights. Sirius had built a snowman and charmed him to throw infinite amounts of snowballs at the speed of a machine gun, which had been funny until the snowman’s alliance to their side of the fight suddenly turned, and they became the targets.

“TRAITOR!” Sirius bellowed, shaking his fist at the snowman. “THIS IS A MUTINY! Have you no sense of loyalty, man!? I created you!” James pulled him down behind the barricade just before he could be hit with a particularly large snowball. 

When it would start to get late and the sun was no longer providing what little warmth it could, they went back inside and snuck down into the kitchens where the house elves provided them with hot chocolate and biscuits to bring back up to their empty common room. 

“Why have we never done this before?” Peter sighed contentedly, lying spread out on the common room floor directly in front of the fire. “Having the place to ourselves is bloody amazing.” 

Remus smiled, silently agreeing as he made himself comfortable in his favorite overstuffed armchair, Sirius on the floor right in front of him with his head in his lap as Remus combed his fingers through his hair. 

James, who had thrown himself haphazardly across the couch, arms and legs hanging this way and that, had laughed at them. “Merlin Sirius, could you be any more of a dog? Look at the good boy, sitting all well behaved at his Master’s feet and getting petted.”

Sirius flipped his middle finger up in James’ direction, lazily. “I’d hex you but I'm far too comfortable to get my wand.”

Remus snickered softly to himself, shaking his head at their antics. It was true, he was enjoying the time spent alone with his friends so much that he nearly forgot the very reason they were all there, if it hadn't been for the persistent pulling of the moon he felt inside that caused the wolf to stir occasionally. 

As Christmas drew nearer, he began to feel more restless as he always did before the Moon. Those nights they would climb out onto the roof, keeping warm with a heating charm, smoking weed and drinking the firewhiskey that James and Sirius nicked from Hogsmeade. 

One night, after Peter and James had passed out from smoking too much, Remus was particularly on edge and unable to sit still. He had taken to pacing back and forth across the dorm, until finally Sirius stood up from where he had been watching on Remus’ bed and carefully took hold of the werewolf’s wrist. 

“Let's go for a walk, Moony.” He suggested gently, and Remus went without any argument. With the castle being mostly empty, they didn't bother with James’ invisibility cloak but they took the map just to be safe. They wandered aimlessly and at a slow, leisurely pace with their fingers laced loosely together, hands swinging lightly between them as they went and not saying a word. It was almost serene; the quiet castle with only the sound of their footsteps and the snow cascading outside the large windows. Remus wished it would have the calming effect on him that it would on anyone else, but the heavy clouds and fluffy snowflakes couldn't hide the nearly full moon that lay behind them any more than the walls of the castle could. Not from the wolf anyway, and so he would have to resort to something more vigorous to ease the wolf’s agitated energy. 

Without any warning, Remus’ grip on Sirius’ hand tightened and he shoved his boyfriend against the cold stone corridor wall.

“ _ Oof _ !” The wind was knocked out of Sirius’ chest as he hit the wall. 

“Sorry.” Remus growled softly against the warm skin of Sirius’ neck, which he immediately began to lick and worry with his teeth.

Sirius only moaned in reply, tilting his head to the side to expose his throat, falling easily into the now well practiced role of a submissive mate. He gasped softly as one of Remus’ legs wedged between his own and the boy’s thigh pressed in just the right place with just the right amount of pressure to make him writhe between the wall and Remus’ body. 

Remus continued the assault on Sirius’ neck, biting and sucking with every intention of decorating the pale flesh with marks of ownership. He worked one hand between them, finding the rapidly hardening bulge in the boy’s trousers and giving it a promising squeeze before his fingers deftly found the zipper and started to drag it down. 

“M-Moony…” Sirius struggled to choke out the words between moans and breathy sighs as Remus hand slid past his denims and boxers. “Remus,” He tried again, but Remus only responded with a low, warning growl. “Love, you know I’m-  _ ah, fuck _ \- I’m not trying to stop you. It’s just -  _ aha _ \- we’re in the middle of the corridor.” He swallowed hard as Remus’ fingers wrapped around him. “There’s a supply closet right there, Moon-”

Remus shook his head. “Want you here.” He purred, licking the shell of Sirius’ ear. 

Sirius shivered, but he didn't make any further attempt to deter Remus from his current task and he set to returning the favor, hesitating for only a second with his fingers on the button to Remus’ trousers, silently asking if the wolf would allow reciprocation or if he’d rather his mate remain submissive and take what was given.

Remus nodded his approval, desperately craving the comfort of his lover’s touch even through the haze of moon induced lust, and he crushed his lips against Sirius’ to muffle the whine that escaped him when Sirius’ hand closed around his length. 

They kissed deeply for several minutes, the sound of their breath seeming much louder in the echoing, dark hall as they stroked each other with little to no finesse until Remus felt the last of his control slipping and withdrew his hand, gripping both of Sirius’ hips hard enough to bruise and turning him to face the wall.

In the back of his mind, Remus felt a little guilty for his lack of control as he yanked down his boyfriend’s jeans and underwear and tugged his hips back to position him before spitting unceremoniously into his palm in lieu of a proper lubrication charm. Sirius, however, gave no sign of discontentment as he braced himself with his hands on the wall and pressed his arse back against Remus. 

Remus buried his face in Sirius’ neck and Sirius bit down on his own lip so hard that Remus could smell the blood that blossomed beneath his mate’s teeth as he pushed into him and it only made the wolf’s desire for him stronger as he began to move wildly in and out of his lover. He grabbed Sirius’ hair, turning his head to the side to claim his lips with his own, lapping at the warm coppery fluid and savoring it's taste before thrusting his tongue into the other boy’s mouth to swallow both of their moans. 

When it was over, they both slid down to the floor, slumping heavily against each other, panting heavily. Sirius wandlessly performed a cleaning charm and reached out to pull Remus to him when a faint but distinct ‘meow’ broke them from their post coital haze and they both swore under their breath, scrambling to pull up their trousers and darting across the hall to the supply closet that Sirius had spotted earlier. 

Safely out of Mrs. Norris’ sight, they both slid down to the floor once again, arms around each other and laughing breathlessly. 

Sirius shifted so that he had Remus practically in his lap and kissed the side of his head, nuzzling his hair. 

“Alright, love?” 

The thrill of avoiding being caught worn off, Remus shrugged and curled up tighter against Sirius. “Shouldn't I be asking you?” He glanced up at him sheepishly, the guilt of his rough display of passion fully setting in. “Sorry, I couldn't stop...I didn't hurt you, did I?” 

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Typical Moony. Worried about hurting me with an absolutely incredible shagging - and right out in the open like that!” He whistled. “Very hot. I’ll be able to get myself off to memories of this for years to come, you know.” He snickered as Remus groaned with embarrassment, then nudged at Remus’ cheek with his nose and asked again; “Are you alright?” 

Remus sighed, tucking his face back into Sirius’ neck. “I just wish I could see my mum.” He whispered, and he felt Sirius’ arms tighten around him.

“I know, Moony.”


	89. Christmas 1977 Part 2 - Year Seven

“Remus...Wake up, _ mabi fi… _ ”

Six year old Remus frowned in his sleep and pulled the blankets tighter around him, whining softly in protest against his mother’s melodic and cheerful voice.

“Reeeeemus!” Hope tried again, giggling as she curled his fingers around the boy’s blanket slowly, ready to yank it off of him if he continued to refuse to budge. “Wake up, my love! It’s Christmas!” 

Bright amber eyes - still ringed with yellow from the recent full moon - snapped open and in a flash the boy was scrambling to stand up, nearly tripping on his slightly too long pajama bottoms. “It’s Christmas!” 

Hope laughed, catching her son around the middle just as he was about to stumble right off the bed and scooping him up into her arms. “Ah, there he is!” She kissed his cheek, careful to avoid the new scar there that hadn’t quite healed yet. “I was afraid perhaps you were going to sleep all through Christmas morning and I would have to give all of your presents away!” 

Remus’ eyes doubled in size and he gasped, squirming in his mother’s arms to get away so that he could run to the living room and see what had been left under the tree for him. “Mum! Let gooooo!” 

“Never!” Hope declared, still laughing as she covered his face with kisses. “I”ll never let you go, my baby!” 

“ _ Muuuum _ !” Whined Remus. “I’m not a baby! C’mon, c’mon! I want to get my presents!” 

“Oh, nonsense. You’ll always be my baby, Remus.” She gave him one last kiss on the tip of his nose and sighed dramatically. “Alright, then. Run along.” She set him down, and as soon as his feet hit the floor he darted from the room.

“Don’t you run down those stairs, young man!” Hope called after him just as she heard his footsteps reach the end of the hall and they slowed down immediately. 

Once he was in the living room, Remus paused for a moment to take in the sight of the giant evergreen tree with all of the pretty flickering lights and the colorful ornaments, surrounded by brightly wrapped boxes and he dropped to his knees in front of it. His eyes scanned over them almost greedily, too overwhelmed to know where to start. 

“Wait for your father to come down,  _ cariad _ .” Hope reminded him gently as she made herself comfortable on the sofa with a cup of tea.

Remus let out a frustrated huff, sitting cross-legged on the floor, his hair still sticking up in all angles from sleep. “DAAAD!” He shouted. “COME  _ OOOONNNNN _ !” The corners of his lips pulled down and he rubbed at his tired eyes. “Where is he, mum?” 

Hope shook her head and sighed. “He was in his study. He said he’d be down in a minute. I hope he didn’t fall asleep up there again. He was up late.” 

Remus had hardly heard his mother’s response and he was on his feet again in no time, marching hurriedly to his father’s study despite his mother’s protests. 

Remus didn’t know what the problem was. His father used to let him into his study all the time to look through all the fascinating old books on  defense against the dark arts and magical creature encyclopedias. One day he just wasn’t allowed in anymore. However, today was Christmas and rules didn’t apply the same as they did on any other day. 

He stopped in front of the door to the study, hesitating for a moment before he rapped his knuckles gently on the wood. “Dad?” 

There was no answer, so he tried again, knocking a little louder this time. “Dad! Come on, it’s Christmas!” 

Still no response. Taking a deep breath, Remus closed his fingers around the doorknob and turned it slowly, letting the breath out once the door pushed open just enough for him to slide past it into the room. 

There was his dad, just as his mother had predicted, asleep in the big leather reclining chair with a book open over his lap. Remus crept across the floor on tiptoe. The room looked different than it had when he used to be allowed inside. It was far less tidy. Not that his father had ever been one to keep his study tidy, it had been more like an organized chaos. This was a little less organized and a little more chaotic. There were piles of books on his desk, some were open and many had several papers stuffed inside to mark important pages. The titles of a few of them caught Remus’ eye;  _ Lycanthropy Lore and Lies, Witchdoctors and Werewolves, Lunar Curses and How to Break Them _ .

Remus licked his lips anxiously. Since he had been bitten two years ago, his father had dragged him all across Europe in hopes of finding a cure for what he had become. Remus knew the healers his dad was bringing him to weren't like the ones in St. Mungos or even the ones at the Muggle Hospital. They lived in tiny, hidden villages and spoke strange languages. They didn’t use the kind of magic he saw his dad use or medicine his mum gave him. They didn’t use potions or spells like anything Remus had been given when he was sick. Some of them chanted strange words, others made Remus eat disgusting things - when he asked, his father refused to tell him exactly what it had been - and some actually hurt him. They look blood for their strange kinds of magic or they poked at his skin with hot needles claiming that it would force the wolf out of him. One of them had even pierced Remus with a long metal rod that looked like a knitting needle right at the nape of his neck. That one, Remus remembered, was by far the most painful. From the moment the metal touch his skin he felt as if his body was on fire. He had screamed and begged his father to make the man stop but his father only held him more tightly, telling him it would be over soon and that he was sure this was the one that would work. Remus fainted from pain when the rod finally broke through his flesh. Apparently it had been made of pure silver - which Remus could no longer touch after he had been bitten. he found out not long after the bite when he went to help his mother set the table and burnt his fingers when he went to pick up a spoon - and it was believed that piercing through the skin with silver would poison the wolf inside of him and kill it.  It hadn’t worked, just like everything else his father had tried, and his mother forbade his father from forcing him into these experimental methods ever again. He still had a terrible scar on his neck just below his hair though. 

Tearing his eyes away from the books piled on the desk, Remus slowly approached his father’s chair. He tried not to look at the book that was lying across Lyall’s lap, but curiosity got the best of him. Reaching towards it, he ran his fingers over the title engraved in the leather binding;  _ Black Magic for Beastly Banishments.  _

Remus shivered. His dad had promised he wouldn't force him to do anything scary or painful anymore. He felt his bottom lip quiver and he bit down on it to stop himself from giving in to the desire to start to cry. He glared at the book. He hated whoever wrote it. He wished it would disappear and his dad would stop reading all the ones just like it. He wished…

The book suddenly shot across the room, crashing into one of his father’s bookshelves and sending the books there tumbling to the floor.

His father woke with a start, looking wildly around the study. “What was-? who-? REMUS!”

Remus flinched as his father rounded on him. “I didn't-! I just wanted-!” 

“Remus John Lupin, you know you aren't allowed in here!” Lyall’s face was red and angrier than Remus could remember seeing it. “What on earth were you doing in here!?”

Remus’ lip was quivering again, but this time he couldn't stop himself and he felt tears sting at his eyes. “I’m sorry! I know I'm not allowed in here, b-but it- it’s…” it was no use, sobs wrecked through him and he sat down on the floor, hiding his face in his hands. “It’s Christmas…” he managed in a tiny voice between the sniffles and tears.

There was a large, warm hand on his shoulder. “Remus…” His father’s voice had softened again. He opened his eyes and saw that his father was kneeling on the floor beside him. “Remus, I’m sorry. I didn't mean to shout at you. You just startled me, that's all.” The hand on his shoulder moved to smooth down his unruly bed-hair. “Come on, kiddo. Don’t be upset…I’m not angry, I promise.” 

Remus rubbed his nose with his pajama sleeve and looked up at his father tearfully. “You’re not?” 

Lyall's shook his head. “Of course not. It’s Christmas. If I had been down with you and mum you wouldn't have had to come and fetch me and this wouldn't have happened at all, right?”

Remus nodded slowly and Lyall smiled at him. “Good. Come on then, let's go see what’s under that tree for you.” He stood, scooping Remus up in his arms and carrying him back to the living room.

Remus had to admit, he had gotten quite a good haul this year. There were the usual sweaters and mittens but also a stocking full of his favorite chocolates, new gobstones, a whole new set of hardcover copies of The Lord of The Rings series, and - the most exciting thing - his very first broom. 

“Dad! Dad, look! A broom! Will you teach me to fly it, Dad? Please?” 

Lyall gave him a strained smile and he nodded. “Yes, of course. Once the weather warms up a bit.” 

Remus, grinning from ear to ear, climbed up into his father’s lap and threw his arms around his neck. “This is the best Christmas EVER!” 

 

Except that it wasn't. 

It was far past his bedtime, but Remus had been awake, hiding under his blanket with a flashlight to read his new edition of The Hobbit, when he heard his parents arguing from across the hall. 

“I thought we had decided against it.”

“Why! Why shouldn't he have what every other little boy like him has?!”

“It's not like he can go out flying with his friends, Hope! He hasn't any friends because in case you've forgotten, there are no other little boys like him!”

“For god’s sake, Lyall, he’d have half a normal life if you’d treat him like you would any other child! Take your son outside and teach him to fly the bloody broomstick! Or are you too busy locking yourself away in that study of yours, elbows deep in anything from folklore to occult rituals trying to find a way to ‘cure’ him!?” 

There was a mumbled response from Lyall that Remus couldn't hear. 

“I don't have to be magic to know that what you’re reading about won't only not cure him, but it could very well kill him in the process! Is that what you want, Lyall? Would you rather our son be dead than be what he is!?”

“Of course not! I love Remus, Hope, you know that! I wouldn't try at all if I didn't-”

“Then stop this! Stop it now, Lyall!  You promised you wouldn't put him through this anymore! He’s suffered enough! Stop trying to change him because you feel guilty and love him the way he deserves to be loved! Spend some quality time with him that doesn't involve experimental or illegal healing magic! Treat him like your  _ son _ and not a werewolf! Teach the poor boy how to fly like any father would want to.”

More mumbling from both of his parents and Remus strained his ears to try to hear. 

“How’d you manage to even get a broomstick, Hope?”

“I sent away for it. Magic or Muggle, it's pretty simple to order from a catalogue, you know.”

“Right...I’m sorry. You're right. I’ll take him out this weekend- don't worry! I’ll put a warning charm on him, he won't freeze. Calm down.”

The door to his parents’ bedroom opened and closed with a soft click and Remus quickly set his book aside and rolled over to pretend to be asleep. 

The door to his own room creaked open and quiet footsteps approached his bed. Gentle fingers stroked through his hair and the bed dipped under the weight of his mother as she sat on the edge. 

“Goodnight, my love.” She bent down and kissed his cheek. “Happy Christmas, darling boy.” 

-

 

“Remus...Moony, wake up!”

Seventeen year old Remus growled threateningly at the intrusion of his peaceful slumber and pulled the blankets tighter around himself.

“Mooooooonyyyyyy!” Sirius’ voice sang close to his ear and he growled again, fighting the urge to jump up and pin the other boy down and rip and tear and...Merlin, he just wanted to sleep before the moon came up. Sirius wasn’t taking the hint though, and he found himself straddled under the warm, comfortable weight of his boyfriend with soft lips making their way up his neck to his ear. “I know, I know. You’re tired and you probably want to claw my throat out for not letting you sleep before the Full, but it’s Christmas!” 

Remus’ eyes snapped open and before Sirius knew what was happening, Remus flipped their positions, snarling at him. The color drained from Sirius’ face and he averted his eyes from the piercing yellow ones glaring down at him, tilting his head back and baring his throat in surrender.

“Sorry, Moony.” He apologized quickly. “I just thought _ -ah! _ ”  

Remus bent down and licked up the column of Sirius’ throat, stopping to nuzzle behind his ear. “You’re lucky I love you.” 

Sirius’ entire body relaxed beneath him and he let out a shaky laugh. “Fuck, Moons. You scared the piss out of me.” 

Remus hummed offhandedly, still nipping and licking at the pale expanse of skin before him. If he wasn’t going to be able to get any rest, he may as well be satiated in other ways.

Sirius whined under him, his arms circling Remus’ shoulders and his hips arching up to find friction. “Moony...It’s Christmas…” His protest was only half-hearted as Remus started to grind down against him. “Fuck, Remus...James and Pete are already downstairs waiting for us so we can unwrap presents…” 

Remus’ hand slid down under the elastic of Sirius’ sweatpants. “Don’t you want to be my present? I could unwrap you…” 

Sirius moaned, bucking up into Remus’ hand. “...James and Pete can wait…” 

 

Twenty minutes and a quick cleaning charm later, they joined James and Peter in the common room where there was a pile of presents waiting for them in front of the fire. Peter had convinced the house elves to bring up plates of all of their favorite breakfasts so that they wouldn’t have to go to the Great Hall and Remus helped himself to some chocolate chip pancakes before settling down in the comfy, overstuffed chair while James and Sirius practically dove headfirst into the presents, divvying them up and passing them out.

“Here, Moony.” Peter said, tossing a poorly wrapped parcel to him. “This one’s from me.”

Remus smiled at him. “Thanks, Pete. That one there is yours.” He pointed to a small box in the pile and Sirius grabbed it, handing it to Peter for him. 

The gift from Peter turned out to be a collection of Muggle comic books and it took far too long to explain to Sirius and James that Spiderman and Batman weren’t animagi and the difference between superpowers and magic. 

James gave him a book on Dog Training as a joke that went along with the basket of squeaky toys he gave to Sirius, and also a new set of quills that corrected spelling and grammar errors as you wrote.  Lily sent him the newest Beatles record, which Sirius demanded they play immediately and snatched it out of his hands to put it on while they continued to open presents. Sirius got him the biggest chocolate bar Honeyduke’s sold, an updated copy of  _ Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them  _ with detailed illustrations that projected off the pages and the promise of another gift that he couldn’t give to him in the common room due to the promise he made James and Peter about not shagging him senseless in front of them. 

The last gift was from his parents and it was still sitting by the fire. He knew it was from them by the way it was wrapped, but he couldn’t bring himself to get it or even just summon it over with his wand. He just stared at it.

Sirius, who had been distracted by the pocket knife James’ parents sent him, noticed the lone parcel still left over and frowned at him, head tilting to the side curiously. 

Remus sighed and held his hand out for Sirius to give it to him. He unwrapped the paper and opened the box. The first thing he pulled out was an object that he recognized from his father’s study when he was a kid. It was a Sneakoscope. His grandfather’s Sneakoscope to be exact. Remus had always tried to see if he could lie around it without it going off, but he had never been able to. Before he started school his father had sat with him for hours a day rehearsing the stories they had come up with in case anyone asked him about where he disappeared to once a month, but it would catch his lie every time until one day he blurted out that his mother was sick and he had to go home to visit her. It hadn’t gone off when he had said it and he had been foolish enough to think it was because he finally told a believable lie.

The other gift - the one from his mother - was a blue, hand knitted jumper. His chest tightened as he held it in his hands, stroking his thumbs over the carefully stitched wool.

“Moony,” Sirius’ voice broke him from his thoughts and he looked up, blinking away the wetness in his eyes. Sirius, James and Peter were standing in front of him, watching quietly. 

“We’ve got one last present for you, mate.” Said James, and Remus noticed that Sirius had something behind his back.

Remus’ brow furrowed and he looked between the three of them. “But you’ve already-?” 

Sirius shook his head. “This present is a little different.” He took a step towards Remus and held out the last thing Remus would expect.

“Your two way mirror?” Remus frowned in confusion as he took it. He looked back up at the others and shook his head. “I don’t underst-” 

“That one’s mine, actually.” James explained. “Sirius’...well, someone else has it temporarily.” 

“Who?” Asked Remus.

James, Sirius and Peter all exchanged looks and shrugged. 

Sirius nodded encouragingly at him. “Say hello and see for yourself.” 

Remus blinked up at them for a moment, feeling his heart start to speed up for reasons he couldn’t quite place. Looking back down at the mirror in his hand, he felt unsure of what he was doing and awkward not knowing who was on the other end. “Er…H-hello?” 

His reflection in the glass began to warp, appearing almost liquified as the connection to the mirror on the other end was made. Before the picture cleared, a voice came through.

“Remus?” 

Remus’ heart skipped a beat and he forgot how to speak properly as the image in the glass came into focus. “Mum?!” 

Hope’s face broke into a smile. “Ah, there’s my boy. Happy Christmas, mabi fi!”

“H-Happy Christmas, Mum…” Remus managed to choke out. “I...How are you?”

“I’m just fine, darling. Just finishing up with breakfast.” Hope went on about how useless Lyall was in the kitchen and about how much extra time she had had for her knitting but Remus was hardly listening. He was focused on her face. How tired and dull her eyes seemed, and how prominent her cheekbones suddenly were. “- well, you know how he gets about his reading, he- Oh, cariad, are you alright?” 

Remus shook himself slightly and nodded. “Y-yeah. I’m fine.” His voice was thick and he cleared his throat, purposely avoiding looking up at his friends. “I just...I miss you, that’s all.” 

Hope smiled sadly, touching her fingers to the glass for a moment. “I miss you too, baby. It’s just not Christmas without you here. You’re alright though, yes? Sirius sent a letter. Your friends stayed behind with you?” 

Remus nodded again. “Yeah. Sirius and James and Pete are all here with me.” 

“That’s wonderful, love. I’m so happy you have such good friends. Makes me worry less about my baby.” 

Remus’ face went hot and he heard his friends try to hide laughter. “Mum, I’m not a baby. You don’t have to worry…” 

“Remus John Lupin, you will always be my baby.” Hope scolded him lightly, then she chuckled. “Hello boys.” 

“Hi Mrs. Lupin.” Sirius, James and Peter chorused, sounding overly sweet and making Remus roll his eyes.

“I should let you go and be with your friends, love.” 

Remus swallowed past the lump in his throat. He didn’t want her to go. It was too soon. He wanted to keep her on this blasted mirror all day until the moon came up. “Mum....” 

“Go and get some rest, sweetheart.” Hope said firmly. “Sirius, dear, you make sure he’s taking care of himself, won’t you?” 

“Of course, Mrs. Lupin. We’re looking out for him.” Remus hadn’t even noticed that Sirius had come to stand beside him until he felt the other boy’s hand gently squeeze his shoulder. 

Hope smiled warmly and then winked at Remus. “He’s a catch, love.” 

Remus groaned. “Mum, don’t inflate his ego.” 

“I love you so very much, Remus...Happy Christmas, darling boy.” 

“I love you too, mum.” 

His mother’s face faded until all that was left in the glass was his own reflection looking back at him. There was a long silence between them while the others let Remus collect himself and finally Remus handed the mirror back to Sirius.

“Thank you.” 

-

 

Try as he might, there was just no way Remus could settle back down to rest before moonrise. The usual restlessness was only magnified by the stress and emotional baggage of worrying about his mother's health and he tossed and turned in his bed, snapping angrily if Sirius, James or Peter dared to offer any form of comfort or assistance. 

He attempted to go for a walk on his own simply to clear his head and get some of the excess energy out, but the festive decorations that adorned the corridors only served to remind him that it was Christmas and that because of what he was, he was not allowed to be with his family for it. 

“Why don't we head to the shack early tonight?” James eventually suggested with great caution, careful not to agitate Remus further. 

“It’s hardly past three in the afternoon.” Remus’ response was barely more than a low growl as he sat in the windowsill of the dormitory with his head pressed against the cool glass. 

James shrugged. “Better than sitting around here, feeling trapped, isn't it?”

Remus’ head snapped around to look at James so quickly it actually cracked a bit and his eyes narrowed dangerously. “You think I feel any less trapped  _ there _ ?”

Sirius threw James a warning look and shook his head but James brushed it off, daring to step closer to Remus. Peter scooted further back on his bed nervously. 

“Moony,” 

“James-”

“Shut up, Sirius-”

“Abort mission, mate.”

“Shut. Up. Sirius.” 

“Oy, see that look in his eyes? That's the look that says ‘hmmm, I think I'm suddenly craving venison’-”

James rolled his eyes, whipping his wand out of his pocket and pointing it at Sirius. “ _ Silencio _ .” 

Remus’ eyes were locked on on James, watching with an intense gaze as the other boy slowly put his wand back into his pocket and then held up his hands, showing no visible threat to the werewolf. 

“I'm only suggesting that a change of scenery may help you feel better, mate. Even if it's the shack, it's not here, right? Look at yourself, Remus. You’re wound up-”

Remus was suddenly aware of just how still he had been sitting, how tense his muscles were and the fact that his fists were balled up so tightly his nails were leaving deep, red marks in his palm. He blinked slowly, allowing his shoulders to drop and flexing his fingers. The corner of James’ mouth twitched up in what would have been a triumphant smirk if he wasn't holding back.

“There. See? I’m sure the walk to the shack will be good for you as well-”

“I’m hungry.” Remus stated as he stood up, his eyes still not leaving James, whose confidence faltered slightly, no doubt remembering Sirius’ comment about venison. 

“Alright,” James’ voice cracked and he nodded to Peter. “Pete?”

Peter was off his bed faster than anyone had ever seen the shorter boy move in human form. “I’m on it.” He said, grabbing the backpack they used to bring supplies to the shack every month and hurrying out of the dorm to sneak down to the kitchen to fill the bag with as much raw meat at the house elves were willing to part with.

There was a long pause before James cleared his throat awkwardly. 

“So when Pete gets back, we’ll-?”

Remus gave a short nod. “We’ll go to the shack, yes.”

James let out a sigh of relief as Remus walked past him towards his bed, then - upon seeing Sirius flailing around to remind him that he was still under a silencing charm - he took out his wand. “Sorry, Pads. I’ll just-” 

“ _ Don’t. _ ” Remus ordered, stretching out on his bed and ignoring the pained look on his boyfriend’s face. “Leave him quiet for a bit.” 

James grinned, pocketing his wand once again. “Whatever you say, Moony.” 

Sirius pouted, flipped his middle finger at James and then transformed, hopping up onto Remus’ bed and curling up next to him with his head on the werewolf’s chest.

“Good boy.” Remus muttered sleepily, his eyes starting to fall shut as his fingers buried themselves in the dog’s fur. 


	90. Christmas 1977 part 3 - Year Seven

Transformations were never a pleasant experience for Remus. His human body was literally ripped apart and put together again every month. His skin tore as thick, grey fur forced its way through, his bones snapped and organs shifted all while he slowly lost control of his mind and consciousness. It was agony and torture, a terrifying nightmare that he was forced to relive over and over each month that left him in excruciating pain for days after. 

The pain, however, was worth it to Moony. 

The wolf felt every crack of bone and every ripping tendon the same way the human did, but it was worth the momentary discomfort to claw his way free of the human shell he was trapped in all month and finally be the one in control. To be free. 

For Moony, the pain subsided quickly once the agonizing human screams turned into a powerful and piercing howl and he shook out his fur and stretched his limbs.

Fully adjusted to his body once more, he became aware of his surroundings. Trapped inside the familiar, old shack that made him want to claw at the walls until he was free. The smell of dust and blood and rot and

_ Intruders... _

He growled soft and threatening at first until his senses caught up with him.

_ Pack _ and  _ Mate _ . 

He finally lifted his gaze to see his usual companions waiting patiently for him. Stag stood tall, still and proud, but was sure to lower his eyes respectfully to Moony, because Moony was Alpha. Rat was perched high on top of Stag’s antlers, and Moony was aware that that particular choice in position was partially because Rat felt safer while out of reach. Moony could smell Rat’s fear, but he didn’t mind. He couldn’t be bothered mind. Rat also kept very still in these first few tense moments after the change, with his beady little eyes downcast. 

Mate was always the first to break the silent tension - his excitement and energy still equivalent to that of a pup in Moony’s opinion - and he would yip happily, falling into a playful bow with his tongue lolling out and tail wagging, trying to get the wolf’s attention until finally Moony regarded him with an affectionate lick to his snout.

With Moony’s attention on Mate, Rat felt that the danger had subsided enough to be lowered from Stag’s antlers to the ground, where he scurried across the dusty, splintered wooden floor and squeezed under the space under the door. Moony was so distracted by his energetic Mate - who was currently trying to catch Moony’s tail between his teeth, earning him a sharp warning nip from the wolf - that he didn’t notice the door open until Stag’s hoof knocked loudly on the ground for his attention.

Rat had opened the door. The coast was clear. It was time to run.

 

The bite of the cold December air felt like pure freedom as he ran through the snowy grounds, leading his pack from the shack to the dark forest, Mate and Stag just fast enough to keep up with his speed and flanking him on either side while Rat rode atop Stag’s head. Eventually Mate and stag started a game of chase between the two of them with Rat sitting on a tree stump Moony stretched and laid out in the snow, contently watching the other two animals run circles around each other. The dog wove in and out underneath the stag’s legs, causing Stag to trip over himself and stumble into a snow drift and Moony let out an amused huff. 

Mate’s bright silver eyes were suddenly on Moony and the dog came bounding over, pouncing onto him and initiating a playful wrestle with the other canine. Moony let him win a few times, allowing his smaller mate to pin him or bite at his ears and neck before he finally asserted his rightful dominance with a low growl and the dog rolled submissively onto his back to show his belly. 

Rat was climbing up Stag’s antlers and jumping into piles of freshly fallen snow while Moony and Mate hunted rabbits - Or, rather, Moony hunted rabbits and Mate zoomed around the trees chasing them. Mate wasn’t too good of a hunter if Moony was being completely honest, but that was why he wasn’t Alpha. Moony was a very good hunter, though, catching his prey in a matter of minutes and barking for Mate to join him, staying respectively out of sight of their non carnivorous packmates. 

The night couldn’t last forever, much to Moony’s dismay, and soon he started to feel the pull of the moon beginning to fade just as he was licking the excess rabbit blood from Mate’s snout. 

He set the pace again, running fast and free through the forest and across the snowy field determined to make the most out of his one and only night with his pack following close behind. He let out a proud howl, which Mate joyfully joined him in, and closed his eyes, letting the cold air take over all of his senses for a few final moments. 

By the time they returned to the shack and Rat and Stag made sure the doors were secured shut, Moony began to feel exhaustion hit. He laid heavily down on the floor, unsettling the dust which rose like a cloud around him momentarily, and glanced up through the dirty window at the setting moon as the mild aching started deep within his bones. 

He whined softly and heard the clicking of Mate’s nails on the floor as the dog trotted happily to his side. He accepted Mate’s affectionate licks to his ears before the dog spun in a small circle and settled down beside him. Moony began to groom his mate’s fur as they laid together, a good distraction from the growing discomfort in his body, and Stag helped Rat climb up onto the windowsill to watch the sunrise while Stag himself kept a watchful eye on the two canines.

His pack was strange, Moony knew. They weren’t wolves like himself and even his canine Mate was only a scruffy mutt of a dog. Rat and Stag didn’t even hunt, but Stag was a fierce and regal protector and Rat was a clever and resourceful aide to all of their needs. Mate, as silly and somewhat exasperating as he could be, was loyal and playful and the love he had for Moony practically oozed from him even before he had been marked and claimed as Mate. 

His pack was very strange, indeed. But they were  _ his _ pack and he loved them just the same. 

 

Remus blinked his bleary eyes just as the first days of sunshine poured in through the dirty windows of the shack. As he stirred, the large black dog he was resting his head on perked up and greeted him with a sloppy lick to the cheek. 

“Morning, Padfoot.” He rasped, throat feeling like it was made of sandpaper. He gingerly shifted so that he could scratch the dog’s ear. 

“Alright, Moony?” James’ half yawning voice asked from across the room, out of Remus’ line of vision. 

“‘M fine.” Remus muttered. Panic struck him for a brief moment. “Fuck, what time-“ Without thinking he went to sit up far too quickly and he gasped in pain. Strong arms encircled his waist to steady him. 

“Slow down, Moony.” Sirius, who had changed back just in time to catch him, scolded him lightly. “It’s barely seven, love.” Remus could feel the other boy smiling as Sirius pressed his lips to his cheek. “And you convinced Poppy that you’re all grown up and capable now, remember?” 

Remus relaxed as the memory of his conversation with Madam Pomfrey returned to him. “Fuck. Right.” 

“I for one couldn’t be more grateful.” Peter said groggily, stretching his arms above his head and sitting up from where he had been sleeping in the far corner of the room. His hair was sticking up and he had a layer of dust on his cheek from the floor. “‘S’nice not to have to hurry on out right away.” 

James had crossed the room and he and Sirius were on either side of Remus, each with one arm around him to help him up and over to the bed, followed closely by Peter who handed Remus his neatly folded clothes, which Remus graciously accepted with a tired smile. 

He laid still while Sirius fussed over him, healing his minor cuts and bruises with what was now a practiced ease and he laughed when James teasingly called Sirius ‘Nurse Black’ in a shrill, girly voice. 

Sirius scowled, but let it go, more focused on making sure Remus has no serious injuries than retaliating against his best mate. 

“Anything feel off?” He asked, grey eyes scanning the werewolf’s chest for unfamiliar marks. He poked and prodded at Remus’ ribs carefully, but not careful enough that it didn’t tickle. Automatic reflex took over and Remus went to swat at his boyfriend, only to yelp as pain shot up his arm. He hissed and hugged his arm tightly to his side. 

Sirius, James and Peter all gasped, wide eyed and panic stricken. 

“Shit!”

“What’s wrong, Moony?”

“Nurse Padfoot here probably fucked up the healing spell and now we’ll have to amputate Moony’s whole arm-“

“Shut the fuck up, Potter!” 

“I’m alright!” Remus shouted over them, and they fell silent. Remus took a breath and carefully tried to wiggle his fingers. “Bloody dislocated.”

Sirius tentatively reached out. “Rem-?”

“ _ Don’t _ .” Remus said sharply. He softened then and gave Sirius an apologetic smile. “It’s fine, Pads. It happens more often than not.”

Peter bit his lip nervously. “Should we get you to Pomfrey?”

Remus groaned, letting his head fall back against the pillows and shutting his eyes. “Right. The first time she agrees to let me take care of myself and I come running back like a bloody first year. No thanks.” 

The other three boys all exchanged uneasy looks.

“Well, we can’t just leave you like that, Moony…” Said James. 

“Of course not, don’t be dense.” Remus said casually, despite the growing disease among his friends. “You lot will just have to help me pop it back in.” 

Sirius choked and sputtered, staring at Remus like he had grown another head, James swallowed audibly and Peter’s face drained of all color. Remus sighed. 

“It’s not a big deal. It’s just that I don’t know the spell Pomfrey uses for it, so you’ll just have to do it the muggle way. Peter, would you mind checking under the loose floorboard? Hopefully there’s still something left…”

Peter nodded hurriedly and scurried away, clearly thankful to not be the one tasked with shoving Remus’ arm back into its socket. He returned moments later with a bottle of Firewhiskey and a plastic bag of muggle weed. Remus took the alcohol with his good hand, twisting off the cap and giving them all a wry smile as he lifted it to his lips. “Cheers. Happy fucking Christmas.” 

He took a long swig, ignoring the burning sensation in his throat. He swallowed hard, putting the bottle down and shaking himself slightly, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“Right then. Let’s do it before I come to my senses. Come here, Padfoot.” 

Sirius made a high pitched, strangled noise and shook his head. “Moony, I-“

“I really think we should get you back up to the castle and let Pomfrey do it, Remus.” James cut in. Sirius and Peter both nodded in unison, but Remus wasn’t having it.

“We’re not going back to the castle, damnit! We’ve got six bloody months left of school, you know that? That’s six more moons and then _ that’s it _ ! I’m on my own! I won’t be able to just go to Pomfrey!” The rest of them were silent, all looking slightly shocked at Remus’ outburst and a little ashamed of themselves. “And as for you lot, there’s a bloody _ war _ going on out there and if you can’t handle something as simple as a dislocated shoulder, you won’t last a minute out there! So stop whining and find your bloody Gryffindor courage! Padfoot, grab my wrist-“

“But Moony-“

“ _ NOW SIRIUS! _ ” 

James elbowed Peter in the rib. “Bet you a galleon Sirius passes out.” He whispered just as Sirius wrapped trembling fingers around Remus’ wrist. 

“Oy, dickhead! Let’s see you stay calm while you reassemble your mate’s arm!” Sirius snapped defensively. 

“James, shut the fuck up! Sirius stay focused! Peter, start rolling a bloody joint, I’m going to need it after this!” Remus growled. James’ mouth snapped shut and Peter began to busy himself with the plastic bag of pot he was clutching in his fist. Remus waited until Sirius took a deep breath and their eyes met. “Right. Good. Now on the count of three, you’re going to pull.  _ Slowly _ . Alright?” 

A rare uncertainty flashed in Sirius’ eyes, but he nodded and tightened his grip on Remus’ wrist. 

“One,”

Remus tried as hard as he could to push down his own fear as he counted, holding Sirius’ gaze and focusing on letting his mate feel his complete trust and confidence instead. 

“Two,” 

Maybe he should have taken an extra shot of that fire whiskey…

“ _ Three! _ ” 

Remus bit down hard on his lip as pain shot through his left arm. There was a loud  _ pop _ and someone (Sirius) screamed, Remus hissed and James and Peter both flinched.

There was a drawn out silence in which none of them realized they all had their eyes screwed tightly shut until they all slowly opened them. They held their breath as Remus carefully rolled his shoulder. 

“Merlin, I can’t believe that actually worked.” Said Remus, his voice an octave or so higher and his eyes wide, finally allowing the panic to set in as he slumped back onto the bed. “Shit...Pete, where’s that pot, mate?” 

“Oh, sure, now that it’s over he’d properly freaked out!” Sirius laughed weakly, running a still shaking hand through his slightly sweat-damp hair. James held the bottle of Firewhiskey out to him and he took it without hesitation, quickly downing several large gulps just as Peter was handing Remus a tightly rolled joint.

Sirius flopped down onto the bed beside Remus. “Allow me.” He grinned and wandlessly lit the end of the joint with a simple snap of his fingers. 

James shook his head, smiling with amusement as he took a seat on the edge of the lumpy mattress. “Bloody show off you are, Pads.” 

Sirius shrugged, accepting the joint when Remus passed it to him after taking several long drags. “You’re only jealous of my skills, Prongs.” 

They all laughed at the familiar banter between them, but something felt different. There was a heaviness between all of them that not even the haze of marijuana could lift.

“Six more moons, eh?” Peter quietly voiced what had been playing on a loop in all of their heads since Remus had said it. 

Remus nodded, looking anywhere but at his friends. They hadn’t talked about this before. About what they would do about Full Moon nights once they were out of school. Remus never wanted to bring it up. His friends had gone above and beyond anything they had ever had to do for him while they were all together at school, but he didn’t want them to feel obligated to continue once they left to start their own individual lives. 

Sure, maybe for the first year or so they would make it a point to show up, but slowly life would get in the way. They would all have jobs they couldn’t miss just to go running through the woods for a night with a werewolf. James and Peter would probably marry off and start families of their own and the risk of it all would no longer be fun to them like it was now. 

And Sirius…

With or without the magical bond that had formed when he claimed his mate, Remus doubted just how permanent it could possibly be when only one of the two of them was a Werewolf. He was still sure that one day Sirius would realize he was worth more than being stuck with some poor, useless werewolf. 

His thoughts were interrupted as Sirius himself gently grabbed his chin, tilting his face up so that Remus’ eyes met slightly red rimmed and glazed over grey ones. Sirius’ leaned in, pressing their lips firmly together until Remus parted his own and inhaled the sweet smoke that poured from the other boy’s mouth into his own. Then they kissed again, slow and languid and when they finally parted, Remus’ head was spinning pleasantly and he forgot what he had been fretting over just seconds before, unable to help himself from smiling back at the dopey grin on Sirius’ face. 

James cleared his throat loudly. “Horny mutts.” He teased as the two of them broke apart  and he passed the joint to Peter, chuckling and letting the smoke out his nostrils. He stood up, stretching his arms and legs, then grabbed one of the flimsy old pillows from the bed and removed its threadbare case. He made a few strategical rips and climbed back onto the bed. “Here, Moony. You should probably keep that arm wrapped until Pomfrey can have a proper look, yeah?” 

Remus sat still while James fashioned the torn fabric into a sling around his neck and Sirius helped him gently reposition himself so that his arm was cradled against his chest. 

Remus smiled. “Thank you.” He said, looking at each of his friends. “Really...F-for everything that you’ve all-” He swallowed past the lump forming in his throat, his voice seeming to fail and he sighed. “I really don’t know what I’m going to do without you lot once we graduate.” 

Sirius, James and Peter all frowned at each other, then back at Remus. 

“I don’t know where you think we’re going to be going, Moony…” Said Peter.

“We’re not just going to up and disappear on you just because we aren’t sharing a dorm anymore.” James added with a smirk. “You’re not getting away that easy.” 

Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus’ waist and nuzzled into his neck. “You’re stuck with us, Moons. Forever.” 

Remus forced a laugh and looked down at his lap. “Yeah? I’ll make you promise that, you know.” 

James held up his hand in a solute. “Marauders Honor, Mr. Moony. We solemnly swear.” 

Peter and Sirius nodded and quickly mimicked him. “We Solemnly Swear.” 

“The Marauders aren’t something that will just go away once we graduate.” James continued, taking a more serious tone and addressing not only Remus, but the fear that they all had found recently in the back of their minds about what may become of them outside the walls of Hogwarts. “We’re a family. We’ve proven that again and again, haven’t we? We’re forever. Unstoppable. We’re infinite.” 

Remus snorted. “You’re very inspirational when you’re stoned, Prongs.” 

James nodded. “‘S’good shit.” 

 

-

 

Sirius had a habit of bursting into rooms like he owned the place. Classrooms, the dorm, the Great Hall, Sirius never missed the opportunity for  _ An Entrance  _ and The Hospital Wing was no exception.  

Madam Pomfrey had long since given up on trying to keep Sirius to respect the rules of visitation hours ever since Sirius had purposely broke his hand in second year so that he would be allowed in to visit with Remus after a full moon. However, that didn’t mean she would just allow him to come and go as he pleased, making a general rukous and disturbing her patients.

Sirius strolled through the doors to the infirmary late that afternoon as if it were his own living space as usual.

“Mr. Lupin is asleep, Mr. Black.” The nurse informed him offhandedly as she hurried past him with her arms full of fresh bedsheets. “You can come back later if he wakes up.” 

Sirius hesitated for a moment, his eyes quickly flickering to the bed where his boyfriend indeed seemed to be sleeping peacefully. “Actually, Madam Pomfrey, I’m not here to see Remus…”

Pomfrey set the linens down on one of the empty cots and took a look around the room. She had no other patients. “Are you not well, Mr. Black?” She asked, a concerned frown forming on her face as she quickly approached him.

Sirius shook his head, a nervous laugh escaping him as he reached to rub the back of his neck anxiously. “Er...no, I’m fine. It’s just...well, I sort of wanted to ask you for a favor?”

The concern completely disappeared from Pomfrey’s face, replaced by suspicion as she eyed the boy for any sign of guilt or plotting. “Mr. Black, I will not have any part in whatever prank you and your-“

Sirius’ eyes went wide and he shook his head again, frantically. “No no no, it’s not like that, Madam Pomfrey, I swear! It’s…” his cheeks flushed slightly pink and he bit his lip, looking down at his shoes for a moment before he gave a deep sigh. “I was wondering if maybe you’d be willing to let me...I dunno…follow you around a bit a few days a week during my free period? Er...and possibly teach me a bit about advanced healing magic?” He looked up at the mediwitch hopefully. “I won’t be annoying or loud or anything, I swear! I really, honestly want to be here to learn! I know I’m a bit of a pest, but I  _ am _ a good student when I want to be, and a fast learner! Really, ask Professor Mcgonagall! In fact, I’ll get her to write me a letter of recommendation if you’d like, you know, so you’ve got it in writing, and-“

Pomfrey let out a laugh of surprise and amusement as the boy rambled on, finally silencing him by putting her hand up. “Now slow down, Sirius. What’s this about? From what I hear, you’ve applied to join the Auror training program after school. Surely you haven’t decided to be a Healer all of the sudden?” 

Again the color in Sirius’ cheeks rose and his eyes quickly darted across the room to the bundle of blankets that hid the sleeping werewolf. He was quiet for a long moment, watching the other boy from a distance. He licked his lips. “We’re going to graduate in six months...I...I’ve bought a flat already for when we leave school and I want...I-I want to ask Remus to live with me. And I want- I  _ need _ to be able to take care of him properly.”

Madam Pomfrey didn’t respond right away. She stood, silent, watching the play of emotion on the young man’s face as she considered him. Sirius Black had always been a very stubborn strong minded student who would stand his ground until he eventually got what he wanted and this was no different. He stood before her, back straight with the posture of the picturesque pureblood heir that he would probably never fully be able to unlearn, his jaw set and chin raised as if begging her to challenge him or try to keep him from his ultimate goal. He looked very much like a full grown man for the first time, strong and confident and determined. Except, Pomfrey noticed, the look in his eyes wasn’t confident at all. It was desperate and fearful and pleading with her to help him make at least this one thing easier once he and his friends were no longer guaranteed the safety they had behind the walls of this castle. 

“You certainly are always full of surprises, Mr. Black.” She smiled fondly and nodded. “Alright. I’ll teach you. You’ll spend your free afternoon period here with me, three days a week and an hour on Saturday.” She raised an expectant eyebrow at him, waiting for him to object to such a full schedule. His face fell slightly, but he didn’t say anything. “Healing is not easy, Sirius. Especially not when it’s concerning Mr. Lupin’s condition. It’s not something that can be taught over just a few days no matter how quick a learner you may be. If you really want to know how to do this properly, you’re going to have to commit to it.”

Sirius nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, ma’am. Thank you, really. I understand. I’m fully committed to this, I promise.” Again he glanced at Remus’ bed. “When can I start?” 

The nurse gave a small shrug. “Have you somewhere else to be?” 

“No…”

She smiled. “No time like the present then, Mr. Black. Follow me.” 

-

 

Remus had arrived in the Hospital Wing promptly at ten in the morning, just as he had promised Madam Pomfrey that he would. The moment he walked in the door, the nurse had swooped in on him, ushering him to his usual cot and sitting him down so that she could check him for injuries and muttered under her breath about how foolish it was of him not to return sooner when she caught sight of the pillow-case-turned-sling that was cradling his arm.

“The whole point was so that I could get used to getting on without you right there with me, wasn’t it?” Remus reminded her. “It’s not like it was anything particularly life threatening and I did manage it, didn’t I? I haven’t permanently disabled myself or anything.” 

Pomfrey shot him a look that was nearly identical to the one McGonagall usually gave him whenever he managed to get himself and the others out of detention by finding the loopholes in the rules they had broken. She hummed thoughtfully as she investigated his wounded arm and Remus could tell she was looking for any mistake he had made and any reason to tell him he wasn’t ready to take care of himself without her. She sighed when she found nothing.

“See?” Remus smiled, smug and satisfied. “Just as if you had done it yourself, eh?” 

Madam Pomfrey rolled her eyes, pulling back the sheets of the cot. “Don’t push it, Mr. Lupin.” However, when she looked back up at him, she was smiling somewhat proudly. “Come on, to bed with you. Back in one piece of not, you still need your rest and some potions to help that arm heal correctly.” She turned and headed to the back of the infirmary where her storage was.

Remus didn’t argue. He changed into the clean pajamas that had been left for him and climbed into bed. When the nurse returned, Remus swallowed down several potions, including a mild sleeping draught, without a fuss and settled back among the pillows as he immediately began to feel drowsy. 

“Poppy,” He yawned, his eyelids becoming quite heavy. 

“Yes, dear?” 

“It’ll never be just as if you’d done it, you know.” He smiled groggily at her. “And even if it is, I’ll miss you anyway.” And he drifted off to sleep.

 

Hours later, Remus woke up from his peaceful slumber to the sound of a potion being poured into the goblet that sat on the table beside his cot. He groaned and stretched, assuming it must be time for his second dose of pain potions and he sat up, rubbing his eyes before he finally opened them.

He blinked and rubbed them again when he saw that it wasn’t Madam Pomfrey preparing his dosage. 

“Bloody hell, Sirius, I know we haven’t had a good prank in a while, but have you really stooped so low as to slip something into my healing potions for a quick laugh?” He stared at his boyfriend in disbelief, then glared accusingly. “What’d you put in there? And how’d you get past Poppy, anyway?” 

Sirius’ jaw dropped dramatically and he looked wounded. “Remus John Lupin, I am appalled at what little faith you have in me! Don’t you trust me?” 

Remus snorted. “No. Would you trust yourself if you were me?” 

Sirius snickered. “Nope. Probably not.” He perched himself on the edge of Remus’ cot, goblet in hand. “However, my dear Moony, I Solemnly Swear that I am  _ Not _ Up to No Good. Currently, anyway. I’m here to..what is it the muggles call it? _ Play Doctor _ ...” He grinned wickedly and threw in a suggestive wink.

Remus quirked an eyebrow at him. “Seriously, what’ve you done to Poppy? Did you stun her? Is she tied up in a closet somewhere? I need to know what you did so I can help you think of an alibi later-” 

Sirius sighed, dropping the seductive facade, and rolled his eyes. “Merlin, Moony, I haven’t done anything, really! Here, drink this. It’s anti inflammatory for your shoulder so it heals properly.” He held the goblet out and Remus took it, still eyeing Sirius cautiously even as he lifted the potion to his lips and drank it down.

Once he drained the goblet completely, he placed it back on the table beside him and frowned at his boyfriend, still feeling very confused. Not that it wasn’t normal for Sirius to hang around the Hospital Wing while he was there, but usually he just sat beside him and told him stories of the adventures they had had during the previous nights’ moon since Remus never had any recollection himself. Now, however, Sirius was on his feet the moment Remus swallowed the potion. He took the empty goblet from the table and, after swooping in to press a kiss to Remus’ cheek, he turned and disappeared into the storage, returning moments later with Madam Pomfrey in toe.

“Very good, Mr. Black.” Pomfrey was saying as the two of them neared Remus’ bed. “You’re quite good at brewing potions, it seems, so that won’t be something we need to focus on much.” 

Sirius looked quite pleased with himself at the praise and Remus was becoming more and more confused every second as both the nurse and his boyfriend hovered over him, inspecting his injuries together. “How are you feeling, Mr. Lupin?” 

_ Like I’m in some odd twilight zone _ …

“Er...fine, I s’pose…” Remus mumbled, looking from Pomfrey to Sirius and back again.

“I’d like you to try and roll your shoulder back for me.” Instructed Pomfrey, and Remus obeyed. He slowly rolled his left shoulder, sighing with relief when no jolt of pain accompanied the movement. 

Madam Pomfrey smiled. “Alright. Remus, if you’re feeling better, you’re both free to return to your common room.” She held up three small vials of different potions and, once again to Remus’ utter shock, handed them to Sirius. “One for pain, one to help the muscles strengthen up in that should and one for sleep.”

Sirius took them, carefully storing them in his book bag as he thanked the mediwitch. Then he took Remus by the elbow of his good arm, leading him out of the infirmary. “C’mon, Moony...” 

Once they were in the corridor, Remus stopped, pulling his arm out of his boyfriend’s grasp. 

“What the hell was all of that about?” He demanded, feeling like he was being treated like a child. “I can take my own potions, you know. Why’d Poppy give them to you?”

A slight blush crept up Sirius’ face and he licked his lips. “I know you can, I just…” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Pomfrey gave them to me so that I could learn how to give you the right doses and all because…” He shifted uneasily on his feet, eyes glued to the floor. “I’ve asked her to give me lessons on advanced healing magic…”

Remus frowned, his eyebrows furrowing. “But you want to be an Auror-?”

Sirius looked up again, meeting Remus’ eyes and giving a little shrug. “I want to learn it for you, Remus.” He smiled and Remus’ heart skipped a beat. 

“What?” 

“Well…” Sirius continued, still somewhat nervously. “You said yourself that there were only six more months until we graduate and then you won’t have Pomfrey to help fix you up the mornings after the full moon. I know I’ve been healing your minor cuts and bruises for a while, but I wanted to be sure I really knew what I was doing in case you ever actually got hurt, you know? I want to be able to take care of you when we live together-” 

Live together?

Remus forgot how to breathe for a second. “W-wait...L-live together?” 

Sirius blinked owlishly at him. “Er...well…” He deflated slightly. “Bugger, Remus, I wanted to ask you properly, of course. I mean, not like in some big romantic gesture or anything, but-”

“No. Wait, Sirius, stop!” Remus interrupted the other boy’s rambling. His heart was beating so loud and fast he could barely even hear what Sirius had been saying, only catching certain keywords that were now playing on repeat in his head and making him dizzy. “S-Sirius...we can’t...I can’t...w-what are you-?” 

Sirius took a careful step closer, slowly reaching to take Remus’ hand in his own. “I’m asking you to live with me after we graduate, Remus.” He saw Remus’ eyes widen with panic and tightened his grip on the werewolf’s hand when he tried to pull away, hastily adding “N-Not just me though, Moony! At least, not at first. The flat’s big enough for James and Pete too, but eventually they’ll probably go off and live their own Heterosexual Ever After and then we can turn their rooms into, I don’t know, I suppose a study for you and maybe some sort of kinky sex dungeon-” 

“ _ What! _ ?”

“Moony, come on, you know I’m joking about the sex dungeon...unless you don’t want me to be joking about the-” 

Remus shook his head. “No, Sirius! You...You bought a flat!?” 

Sirius’ face went slightly pink again and he cleared his throat awkwardly. “Er...yeah. Last summer, actually. With some of the money my uncle left. I was going to tell you, but-”

Remus’ head was spinning. He couldn’t move in with his friends after graduation, it just wasn’t plausible. James and Sirius would no doubt be accepted into the Auror Academy and had bright futures ahead with lucrative careers and even if either of them decided never to work another day in their lives, they both had hefty inheritances that would allow them to live more than comfortably. Peter might not have been sitting on a pile of gold himself, nor was he bound for the exceptional greatness that so naturally came to James and Sirius, but he was a far call from unintelligent and would surely lead a successful and comfortable life as well. Remus, on the other hand, had no future prospects no matter how well he did in school or how skilled he was with his magic. No job would hire a werewolf and even if he found a muggle job they would fire him eventually when he missed too many days from being mysteriously ill. He would never be able to afford to pay rent or bills or provide his fair share of anything. He couldn’t explain that to Sirius, though. Sirius would insist that he didn’t have to pay anything and that he and James had more than enough to take care of him. The thought of having to rely on his friends that way made Remus feel sick. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t be their charity case. 

“Sirius, No.” 

Sirius, who had still been rambling on, stopped mid sentence and frowned deeply. “No?” He blinked slowly. “Remus, don’t...don’t you want to live me?”  

Remus swallowed thickly as his senses became overwhelmed with the emotions coming off his mate.  _ Hurt. Confused _ .  _ Sad _ . “Sirius, it’s...It’s not that simple.” 

_ Angry. _ “‘Not that simple’?” Sirius spat back at him, his eyes narrowing as he stared Remus down incredulously. “So marking me and letting the wolf claim me as your mate - bonding our bloody _ souls - that  _ was simple, but the idea of us actually living together outside of a bloody dorm room, actually having a life together, that’s  _ not simple _ ?” 

Remus flinched at his tone, his heart breaking at the pain in Sirius’ voice. “Sirius, no! That’s not...Of course I want to be with you, Padfoot! It physically painful for me not to be close to you, you know that-” 

“Then why-!?” 

“Because I _ can’t _ , Sirius!” 

“Why the bloody hell not!”

“Because-” Remus searched his mind desperately for an excuse. Something that Sirius wouldn’t be able to talk him out of the way Remus knew he could. “Sirius, I have to go back home once school is through. M-my mum...I need to spend as much time with her as I can. I need to help dad take care of her-”

“Your dad wouldn’t even let you come home to see her for Christmas, Moony! You think he’s going to have you move back home to take care of her full time? Graduation is six months away, you don’t even know if she’ll still-” Sirius’ eyes went wide and he snapped his mouth shut before he could finish saying it outloud, but he didn’t have to.

Remus stared at him, his mouth agape and at a complete loss for words.

Sirius went to reach for him. “Moony, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-” 

Remus jerked away from him, shaking his head as his eyes began to sting. “Fuck you, Sirius.” He turned on his heel and started to walk the other way. 

“Remus, wait!” Sirius called after him, but Remus ignored him and just kept walking faster and faster until he was running, sprinting down the dark, empty corridor with no idea where he was running to or why. He just had run. He had to get away. 

 

He wound up at the top of the astronomy tower, although he couldn’t remember how exactly he had gotten there. The frigid winter air stung his face and he wasn’t dressed properly to protect the rest of his body from it, but he welcomed the numbing sensation that eventually began to take over as he lost track of just how long he had been sitting out there. His immune system was at its weakest right after the full moon and he would probably end up catching a cold or the flu, but he couldn’t bring himself to care enough even to perform a warming charm on himself. He deserved whatever he got from this, after hurting Sirius the way that he had. 

Sirius was only guilty of…

_ Of being a sweet, loyal, brilliant boyfriend who bloody loves you, you stupid self destructive twat _ . 

He heard footsteps from inside the tower and he sighed, pulling his flimsy sweater more tightly around himself and drawing his knees tighter to his chest. He knew it would only be a matter of time before Sirius got his hands on the map and found him.

He was mildly surprised when it wasn’t Sirius’ voice that called out to him.

“...Peter?” He turned his head towards the entrance to the stairwell to see the smaller boy, slightly out of breath from hike up all of those steps, poking his head out.

“Merlin, Remus,” Peter’s teeth chattered as he approached. “It’s cold as a hag’s tit out here, mate. Couldn’t you brood somewhere with a fireplace?” 

Remus snorted and managed a small smile as Peter sat down cross legged beside him. Neither of them said anything for a while until Peter gave in and took his wand out, casting a warming charm around them both. Remus’ whole body shuddered at the change in temperature, then his muscles relaxed as the warmth thawed him inside and out.

“Thanks, mate.” 

“Don’t thank me just yet.” Peter reached into his pocket, brandishing half smoked joint and grinning triumphantly. “Now you can thank me.” 

Remus chuckled and took the proffered clip, letting Peter light it with his wand. He took a long hit and held it in before slowly exhaling and handing it back to Peter. “So Sirius is so angry he sent you out to fetch me?” 

“No.” Peter shook his head, smoke pouring out his nose. “I volunteered. James was going to come and try to talk sense into you but I thought having one privileged, wealthy, pureblood spout nonsense about money not being an issue is pretty much the same as having the other, don’t you think?” 

Remus blew smoke rings instead of answering and Peter sighed heavily. 

“Look, Moony, I won’t say that what Padfoot did wasn’t impulsive and intrusive, because it was. But mate, you’ve known Sirius for almost seven years and you’ve been sleeping with him for two of those years. You should know that being impulsive and intrusive is just Sirius’ natural state of existence…”

Remus grunted affirmatively and they were both quiet as they passed the joint back and forth a few times. 

Peter bit his lip and Remus could tell he was trying to decide if he should say what was on his mind or not. “...I don’t honestly have to tell you how much Sirius loves you, right? Look, mate, I get the whole ‘I’m Not Enough For Him’ vibe you both seem to thrive off of together, but the bloke is literally your soulmate, so I think it may be time for you both to stop questioning whether you deserve each other and accept a good thing in your lives for once. You said it yourself, Moony. There’s a war out there and in six months, we may be thrown right into it. Who knows how many good things we’ll have left other than each other.” 

Remus sighed and ran both of his hands through his hair. “It’s not that, Pete.”

Again, Peter hesitated with his words, trying to pick them as carefully as possible. “I know you don’t want to feel like a burden on Sirius - or on all of us, with how much we’ve done to help with your...you know...furry little problem...but-” 

“Peter, I have to go home and take care of my moth-” 

“Bullshit, Remus.” 

Remus was taken aback, staring at Peter in shock. It was rare that the smaller boy ever spoke up against the rest of them or called them out on. Remus wasn’t quite sure how to react to it, so he just watched Peter take another long drag off the joint. 

After he blew out, Peter pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them. “My dad passed away when I was ten.” He said quietly. “Right before I got my Hogwarts letter.” 

Remus’ jaw dropped. For a moment he considered that maybe this entire day was all just a strange fever dream because it just kept throwing him through loops. “W-what? Pete, we’ve lived together for seven bloody years, how the hell have you never told us that before?” He felt slightly ashamed for never having asked much about Peter’s home life.

Peter shrugged. “I didn’t like to talk about it. Still don’t, really. He was sick for a really long time, longer than I can remember and I was too young to really understand what that meant until suddenly I did understand and I wished I didn’t. I just kept telling myself it wouldn’t really happen. I thought if I didn’t accept it was inevitable maybe it wouldn’t be real…” 

Remus swallowed hard, feeling a lump growing in his throat and rapidly blinking away the burning behind his eyes.

Peter snubbed out the tiny clip of the joint and tossed it over the edge of the tower. “Things are a lot easier to accept as reality when you treat them like reality, Remus. You told us all this morning to stop whining and find our Gryffindor Courage, but you don’t even have it in you to tell your boyfriend that you’re too proud to live off of his money, so much so that you’d rather tell him the same lie you tried to tell him in first year....that you’ve got to go home to your sick mum.” He sighed heavily and turned to look at Remus, frowning at him. “He didn’t believe you back then and you know he doesn’t believe you now.”

All Remus could do was gape at his friend in stunned silence as the words set in. Peter was right, of course. Remus did know that his mother’s fate was inevitable and approaching quicker than he wanted to admit, and he also knew that he could lie to Sirius all he wanted but that wouldn’t make the truth easier. “Huh…” He stared off into the distance. “At least I’m consistent, I suppose…” 

Peter snorted. “You could say that...that’s why you were always in charge of alibis and cover stories, right? Always able to come up with a good, consistent lie. Great for getting out of trouble with the teachers, maybe not so much for a healthy, trusting relationship. Just saying.” 

Remus groaned, scrubbing his hands over his face. “Merlin, I’ve gone and buggered it all up, haven’t I?” 

“Nahhh,” Peter shook his head. “I mean, your boyfriend just told you he was learning difficult, advanced healing magic for you so you wouldn’t bleed to death or lose a limb during your transformations when we leave school and you thanked him by denying his offer to live with him, lying to his face and then running off to come up here and freeze to death, but I wouldn’t say you buggered it  _ all  _ up.”

“Gee, thanks.” 

“No problem.” Peter said briskly, getting to his feet and holding his hand out to help Remus stand. “Come on, it’s bloody brick out here, mate.”

Remus nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets and following Peter back inside. Neither of them said a word as they made their way through the castle, checking the map to avoid Filch and Mrs. Norris until the finally climbed through the portrait hole into Gryffindor Common Room. 

Remus paused at the bottom of the staircase to the dorm and put his hand on Peter’s shoulder. “Hey Pete...thanks for everything you said out there...and for...you know...the reality check.” 

Peter smiled kindly, returning the gesture and giving Remus’ shoulder a gentle squeeze. “No problem, Moony. That’s what family’s for, eh?”

Remus bit his lip, eyeing the door to the dormitory warily. “I guess I’ve got to apologize to him.”

Peter nodded. “Yep. Just do me a favor and use a silencing charm before you ‘apologize’ together, yeah? I will not help you two mutts again if I have to hear your ‘apologies’ all night long.” 


	91. Dueling Club - Year Seven

“What do you mean you’ve already got plans for Valentines Day, Lily? Doing what? And with who? I thought I was your...your-” 

Lily quirked an amused eyebrow as James fumbled with his words. “My what, Potter?”

“Your...Person that you’re currently making plans with, exclusively…” James finished lamely, scowling at his breakfast plate.

Lily let out a sharp laugh and shook her head. “Funny, I don’t recall us ever having the conversation of exclusivity or any official conversations at all other than ‘Hey, Evans, why don’t you meet me in the supply closet on the second floor during rounds again? It can be ‘Our Closet’.-” 

“Rude, by the way.” Sirius interjected around bites of sausage. “That closet’s already been claimed.” 

“Shut up, Sirius!” Both James and Lily snapped without looking at the other Gryffindor and continued to bicker across the table about the upcoming holiday. 

Marlene groaned loudly and rolled her eyes. “Bloody breeders, mate. Valentines Day is utter bollocks, besides.” She threw her arm around Dorcas, nearly causing the smaller girl to choke on her eggs. “We don’t need a special Holiday to celebrate our undying devotion to each other, right Dory-love?” 

Dorcas snorted. “Right then, so you won’t be heartbroken if I don’t shower you with little pink and red hearts and give you flowers next Tuesday?” 

Marlene gasped, looking wounded. “Dorcas Calpurnia Meadowes! Do you really believe me to be so shallow and materialistic? I am simply appalled, my darling.” 

Sirius giggled. “‘ _ Calpurnia _ ’.” 

“Shut up, Sirius.” Dorcas retorted.   

Peter gave a forlorned sigh, looking wistfully over at the Hufflepuff table where Emmeline was sitting, chatting away with her housemates. “At least you lot have got someone to celebrate with….or not celebrate with...or whatever…” 

Remus, who had been busying himself by going over his Charms notes in favor of ignoring the current debate around him, gave the boy’s shoulder a squeeze. “You had a good run with her, Pete. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” 

“I know. It does sting a little though, Valentines day and all…” 

“But that’s the point I’m making, Peter,” Marlene carried on, jabbing her fork in Peter’s direction and dripping maple syrup clear across Remus’ notes. “It’s a stupid Holiday and it doesn’t matter. You shouldn’t feel extra horrible just because it’s the fourteenth of February. Am I right, Sirius?” 

Sirius nodded enthusiastically. “Of course, Marls. Moony and I have never felt the need to send each other silly love notes like that.” 

“It’s true.” Remus agreed, waving his wand over the sticky mess his notes had become. “Sirius is aware each and every day that I find him completely and utterly tolerable.” He grinned as Sirius flipped him his middle finger. “Besides, everyone knows the real Holiday is the day after when all of the chocolate goes half price.” 

There was a murmur of agreement among them before James and Lily returned to their argument and the others pretended not to be completely entertained by it. Under the table, Sirius’ fingers skimmed along Remus’ thigh.

“Can I help you?” Remus muttered, trying to hide the amusement in his voice as he continued to read over his notes. 

“Well,” Said Sirius, keeping his voice low. “I was just thinking that even though Valentine's day is an absolute load of steaming Dragon Dung-”

“Charming, as usual.” 

“-Maybe it would be, you know, kind of nice to do something couple-y.”

Remus smirked. “You want to reclaim that closet on the second floor?” 

“ _ Sooooo badly. _ ” Sirius sighed blissfully. “But, you know, maybe we could have dinner together first and _ then _ go shag in the closet?”

“Such a romantic, you are.” Remus chuckled, shaking his head. “Yeah, alright.” 

Remus found himself unable to stop his lips from tugging upwards into a smile. Though it was true that life was growing more and more hectic around them with their NEWT exams approaching and Graduation just around the corner afterwards, not to mention the war that continued to rage outside and the added stress of his mother’s health, Remus had taken Peter’s advice to heart and was learning to appreciate the good things in his life - Particularly Sirius. 

Although he still hadn’t agreed to take his boyfriend’s offer to live with him after school, he had promised Sirius that he would at least consider it and Sirius, in turn, promised not to pressure him about it. 

Things were comfortable. Almost even happy. 

“Can I have your attention, please?” The chatter of the students died down as the Headmaster’s voice rang out through the Great Hall. They all stopped what they were doing, turning their attention to the front of the room where Dumbledore had taken a stand at the staff table to address them. “Quite sorry to interrupt your breakfast, students, but I have a quick, but important announcement.” 

The hall grew anxiously silent. With the rapidly increasing numbers of muggle and wizard disappearances, ‘Important Announcements’ often came with shattering news of events and sometimes a student or two would be ushered out of the hall to be told that their family had been involved in some sort of tragedy. Remus held his breath, feeling Sirius tense up beside him. No matter what, if Death Eaters were involved Sirius was sure to know someone on one side or another. Remus slid his hand over to cover Sirius’ under the table. 

“It’s been decided amongst the staff that Professor Furgal shall be hosting a Dueling Club, to commence this Saturday evening and every Saturday to follow-” 

An excited murmur rippled through the students. James and Sirius exchanged grins and glanced across the hall at the Slytherin table, not bothering to hide their enthusiasm for a chance to try some of their favorite new hexes without the risk of detention. 

“Settle down, settle down…” Dumbledore continued, waiting for the excitement to die a little before he continued. “Attendance is only open to 6th and 7th year students-” There was some groaning throughout the hall. “Sign up sheets will be posted in your common rooms. Let it be clear that Professor Furgal and I, as well as your Heads of Houses reserve the right to deny any student permission to participate. This club is an opportunity to fine tune your skills and use them in a hands on environment. There will be no tolerance of any behavior deemed unfit by those in charge.” 

Sirius and James deflated slightly, but they didn’t seem completely discouraged either. Remus held back the urge to sigh, having the strongest suspicion that he would have to be the one to lecture the two of them later. 

“I do hope to see all of Hogwarts’ best and most talented students there.” Dumbledore finished, his usual twinkle back in his eye and a calm smile on his face. He waved his hand dismissively. “You may all continue with your breakfast. Thank you.” The Headmaster took a seat and the roar of enthusiastic chatter picked back up. 

Sirius was nearly seated in Remus’ lap, leaning over to get to James. “How bloody brilliant is this, mate? We’ll actually be able to use all of those jinxes and hexes we’ve been saving up for years!” 

James gave a dark chuckle, nodding his head towards the Slytherin table. “There’s definitely a few things I’ve been dying to serve Avery, that’s for sure.”

Remus finally did let out that sigh he had been saving up, grabbing Sirius by his belt loop and pulling him off of his lap and back into his own seat. “I’m relatively sure that carrying out grudges isn’t the point of the club.” He gave Sirius a warning look as the boy opened his mouth to protest. “Don’t you think this is probably to prepare us? To give us some extra hands on training just in case we run into trouble out in the world with Death Eaters crawling all over the place?” 

“Exactly.” Said James pointedly. “So what better practice for fighting Death Eaters out in the real world than to fight the Death Eaters we have right here in our school?” 

Remus bit his lip, unable to deny that James did have a fair point. There was no doubt that Avery, Nott , Bellatrix and the rest of their gang were at least planning to join the ranks, if they hadn’t done so already. 

“You’re going to sign up, aren’t you?” Said Sirius. He formed the words like they a question, but Remus doubted that he was actually asking so much as telling.

Remus rolled his eyes. “Of course I am. Look, I’m not saying that I’m not interested or that I disagree with what you two are getting at. I’m just warning you to take this seriously and not ruin it for yourselves by using it solely as a chance to hex Slytherins.” 

Lily eyed James suspiciously. “I thought you were done targeting Slytherins, Potter.” 

James’ face went pink and he fumbled momentarily, his hand flying up to muss up his hair. “Of course I am, Lily. It’s not like I’m out at night looking for any ol’ snake to jynx these days. It’s just, you know, maybe Dueling Club would be a good...er…” 

“Outlet.” Remus supplied dryly. 

“Yes!” James agreed brightly. “Yes, _ Outlet _ , thank you, Remus - A Good outlet for us and them to get our frustrations out in a controlled environment.” 

Lily’ eyebrows flew up. “Real smooth, Potter.” 

“I’m not so sure I want to join…” Peter admitted quietly and suddenly all eyes were on him. 

“What?” 

“Pete, you have to!” 

“It’s going to be loads of fun even just for the hell of it-”

“Haven’t you been paying attention? We can  _ hex the slytherins _ , mate!” 

Peter grimaced, looking down at his lap and fiddling anxiously with his sleeve. “I’m not as strong a dueler as you lot. I’ll look like a complete fool.” 

“That’s not true at all Peter.” Lily said comfortingly. “You’re just as good as anyone. Besides, this isn’t about being perfect. We’re all just students. It’s like Dumbledore said, it’s to help us fine tune our skills so we can become better duelers.” 

Marlene nodded. “Better to make a fool of yourself in here than to get out there with no experience. Who knows what’s out there these days...I heard You Know Who is starting to rally up all sorts. Giants and Mountain Trolls...” 

“You’re not wrong. And worse...” Said Mary ominously. She had been quiet the whole time with her face buried in that morning’s copy of the daily prophet, which she lowered and placed on the table to show the rest of them. She shuddered, pointing to the article. “ _ Werewolves _ .” 

Remus felt the color drain from his face, forgetting momentarily how to breathe as everyone got up to crowd around Mary and get a better look at the article. When he regained his senses, he risked a look over Lily’s shoulder. He immediately regretted doing that. 

The man - if he could even be considered a man anymore by the way his animal traits had began to mesh almost seamlessly with the human part of him - was eerily familiar, making Remus’ stomach flip sickeningly. It was the man that had come to him over the summer in his parents’ basement. 

**Fenrir Greyback, Notoriously Dangerous Werewolf, Back at Large and in alliance with He Who Must Not Be Named!**

“Fenrir Greyback…” Sirius read the name out loud, frowning. “I know that name. I remember my father talking about him. He and his pack were run out of london back in the 60’s when they started lashing out at Wizardkind because of the Ministry’s plans for stricter regulations.” 

Marlene nodded. “He made himself pretty well known, didn’t he? The ministry found out he was purposely spreading Lycanthropy.” 

“To children, specifically.” Mary added, pulling a disgusted face. She pointed to a part of the article. “ _ Fenrir Greyback was found to be linked to the multiple disappearances of children in 1959 to 1962, mostly young boys, ages five to ten _ \- Merlin! Can you imagine? Five years old?” 

Remus felt bile rising up in his throat and he gagged and choked. Sirius spun around, eyes wide with concern and he took Remus gently by the shoulders, sitting him back down at the table.

“Rem, are you okay?” He asked quietly.

Remus nodded, accepting the glass of water that Sirius was pressing into his hand. Sirius was still speaking to him, but he wasn’t listening. His mind was moving at a mile a minute. Questions he had had for his entire life were suddenly becoming more and more clear. 

_That’s him. He did this._ _He did it on purpose._

**_"Shhhh." The shadowy figure hushed. "It wouldn't do to scream, little one. Soundproof down here, isn't it? I imagine Lyall would take every possible precaution to make sure no one ever heard a whimper or howl from his pup."_ **

**_"Who are you?" Remus asked again, this time with a growl of his own. "What are you doing here?"_ **

**_Who ever it was clicked their tongue in disappointment. "Remus, I'm surprised at you. I'd have thought Lyall would have taught you better manners.”_ **

He had done it on purpose and he had known his father. He hadn’t just chosen Remus on accident, Remus had been a  _ target. _ His father knew. His father lied to him.

**_"The night I was...the night I was bitten. What happened? Why did...why me?" He hated himself for sounding so small, and even more so when the look on his father's face flashed with fear._ **

**_"R-Remus, I- why? Why would you think-? It was just-"_ **

**_"I wasn't just roaming around the woods at night and stumbled upon some monster, Dad. I was asleep in my bed. Werewolves don't just appear in a child's bedroom, I-" He sighed, running his free hand through his hair. "I don't know. It seems...what happened to me? You know. I know you do."_ **

**_"You don't know what you're asking, Remus. What happened happened.”_ **

Remus stood abruptly, startling everyone. “I’m not feeling well. I think I’ll skip Charms. Could you take notes for me, Padfoot?” 

Sirius blinked up at him, confused. “Do you want me to come with-?”

Remus shook his head. “No. Just...tell Professor Flitwick that I’m ill. I’ll see you later.” He flung his bag over his shoulder and hurried out of the Great Hall, his head racing and his heart pounding. 

-

“Is Remus alright?” Asked Lily. She was leaning back against the cool stone wall of the corridor with James pressing gently against her with one hand firmly on her hip and the other flat against the wall by her head. Despite the seriousness of her question, James couldn’t help but notice the way the torch light in the dark hallway made her eyes shine like jewels.

He nodded. “I think so. He didn’t go to any classes all day. Sirius was a right headcase worrying about him, but he’s up in the dorm with him now.” 

Lily sighed sadly. “That werewolf in the paper,” She bit her lip. “D’you think that’s the one who-?” 

“Most definitely.” James confirmed. He stroked the soft skin at Lily’s hip beneath her blouse with his thumb. “He hasn’t come right out and said it yet. I don’t even know if he knows for sure, I mean, not officially...But that seems to make the most sense.” He felt anger bubbling up inside of him for his friend. “I’d kill that animal if I could-” 

Lily laughed softly and shook her head. “Merlin, could you be any more noble?” She reached up to run her fingers through his hair. “Stupid, but noble.” 

James smirked. “It’s one of my many charms.” 

“Unfortunately, yes, it is.” Lily agreed. She pushed up off the wall slightly to catch his lips in a kiss and James melted against her. He moved his hand from the wall down to hold her other hip, pressing her back against the wall again as his tongue slipped past her lips to deepen the kiss and she hummed happily in response, winding her arms around his neck. 

“Potter,” 

“Hmm?” 

“Just so you know, the plans I have for Valentines Day aren’t exactly set in stone. I could be persuaded to reschedule…” 

James groaned and pulled away slightly. “Look, Lily, I know we decided not to...well...you know...make us official or anything like that, but I didn’t think you’d be making plans with other blokes as well, and-” 

Lily laughed. “Relax, would you? I’m not seeing anybody else, you great prat! I was tutoring a fifth year in Potions.” 

“Oh…” James relaxed, his face heating up with mild embarrassment. “Merlin, Lily, you could have said so.” 

Lily quirked an eyebrow at him. “And miss all the theatrics?” She smiled and kissed the corner of his mouth. “What I’m trying to say is that I’d love to be your Valentine, Mr. Potter.” 

“Brilliant.” James grinned, pulling her back into a kiss. 

They let it go on for a few minutes until they both pulled back for air, resting their foreheads together. 

“We should actually go and finish our rounds, you know.” Lily muttered, sounding slightly disappointed as her fingers played with James’ tie. 

“Do we  _ have _ to?” James mock whined, earning him a playful slap to his shoulder. He chuckled and pulled away from her, both of them straightening out their clothes. “Split up, then? I’ll check the east wing, you go west?” 

Lily nodded, smoothing out her skirt. “Meet back here in half an hour.” She stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, smiling at him before she headed off in her direction.

James smiled to himself as he watched her disappear into the darkness, but the smile faded once she was gone. 

“You can come out, Snivellus.” He announced, turning around. “I know you’re here. I can smell you a mile away.” 

Just as he suspected, something moved in the shadows and Severus Snape appeared from behind a suit of armor with a particularly nasty look of disdain on his face.

James regarded him with equal disgust. “Really, Snivellus? You’ve sunk as low as voyeurism? That’s pretty pathetic, even for you. Were you having a nice wank back there as well?” 

“That’s disgusting, Potter.” Snape sneered at him. “I’ll have you know I happened to come by that vulgar display of yours by accident. I had no intention of watching you defile my best friend-” 

James laughed sharply. “‘ _ Best Friend _ ’? You must be even more delusional than you look, Snape. Lily hasn’t even spoken to you in over a year.” He took a threatening step closer to the Slytherin, his fingers wrapping around his wand, ready to wield it if Snape made one wrong move. “She wants nothing to do with you and she’s told you just as much. I’d love to tell you that you blew your chance, Snivellus, but you never had one to begin with-”

“And you think you do, Potter?” Snape took a step forward too, his beady black eyes glaring daggers through James. “Whatever this is between you and Lily, it’s only fleeting. She’ll see you for what you are. You may have managed to make the whole school think you’re some bloody hero, but Lily-”

“Aren’t I, though?” James smirked slowly at the other boy. “I saved your ungrateful arse, if you recall. I’d say that’s pretty heroic.”

With a growl, Severus shoved James roughly against the wall. “You saved yourself and your friends, Potter! You saved that filthy werewolf from being exposed, that’s all you did! And for what? You didn’t do it any favors, Potter. Haven’t you read the  _ Daily Prophet _ ? With Greyback on the loose again the Ministry will be cracking down on animals like that. It won’t be long until they put them all down-” 

James saw red and with a loud cry he hurled Severus back, crushing him against the opposite wall with his wand at the other boy’s throat, a jinx ready at the tip of his tongue. 

“What are you doing, James?” Lily’s disproving voice rang through the corridor and brought James to a pause. Slowly he released his grip on the Slytherin and took a step away, still seething. He took his eyes away from Snape and faced Lily, who was standing in the middle of the corridor with her arms crossed, eyes narrowed on the scene before her.

“Nothing, Lily.” Said James, his voice still venomous. “We were just talking.” 

Lily frowned at him before she stepped past him to address Snape. “You’re out of bounds, Severus.” She said through clenched teeth. “It’s after hours. I could have you written up for that alone, let alone for fighting with the Head Boy.” She eyed him with a mix of anger and sadness before she sighed. “Twenty points from Slytherin. Get back to your common room.” She turned on her heel away from him.

Snape scrambled away from the wall, smoothing out his robes and glaring past Lily at James.  “Incredible how quickly he breaks his promises to you, isn’t it Lily? You’re barely even together and he’s already back to his old tricks-”

Lily spun back around, wand pointed. “ _ Langlock _ !” 

Severus choked on his words as his tongue adhered itself to the roof of his mouth rendering him unable to speak as Lily rounded on him, wand still poised and ready.  “You listen to me, Severus.” Her voice was dangerously low and Severus nearly shrunk under her piercing gaze. “James Potter may be an arrogant pain in the arse, but he’s an honest and good person. Loyal, brave...he’s everything you wish you had the strength to be instead of the cowardly, snivelling little snake you let yourself become.”

Snape flinched, shame washing over his face. He tried to form words around his jinxed tongue but only could make a choking sort of sound. 

Lily’s expression of utter hatred was unmoved. “Return to your dormitory, Severus.” She ordered in little over a whisper. “And if I ever hear you speak about Remus Lupin like that again, I will personally see to it that your life is a living hell.” She lowered her wand and turned away from him again, taking James’ arm as she went. “Let’s go, James.” 

-

There was little talk of anything other than Dueling Club for the rest of the week. Sirius and James had been the first to sign up on the sheet posted in Gryffindor Common Room and had spent every free moment since then throwing every hex, jinx and offense spell at each other for practice. They had managed to convince Peter to sign up as well once Lily and Remus promised to help him with his defensive spells, speed and accuracy. 

By Saturday afternoon, even Marlene and Dorcas had joined James and Sirius’ friendly fire and it had become a hazard to even try to walk through the common room without risking being hit by a rogue jinx, resulting in several underclassmen being sworn to secrecy as Sirius hurried to use his newly acquired knowledge of healing spells and counter jinxes so they wouldn’t go running to the infirmary. 

It seemed that nearly every single sixth and seventh year student in the school had signed up to join the Dueling Club, and they were all buzzing with excitement as they gathered in the Great Hall, which had been cleared of all of the tables to make room. 

Sirius’ eyes scanned the crowd eagerly, ready to scout out which Slytherins he had been itching to get on the wrong side of his wand without the fear of consequences. His enthusiasm only faltered for a quick moment when he found Regulus among the Slytherins, looking strikingly bored compared to everyone else. Sirius wondered briefly if his brother had been dragged to participate against his will. Regulus had never been one for dueling, or even the typical scruffles that young siblings were prone to. 

Sirius’ attention was forced away from his brother when James tugged on his arm in some sort of frenzy. 

“Sirius! Padfoot, Look!” 

Sirius frowned at James for a moment before following his gaze up to the front of the room where Professors Dumbledore and Furgal were standing along with someone else. Alastor Moody. 

Regulus forgotten, Sirius beamed right along with James at the head Auror. “D’you think he’s here to scout out for the Auror Academy?” 

Grinning ear to ear, James shook his head and shrugged. “Dunno, mate, but we’re a bloody shoe-in once he sees us in action.” 

The students settled down as Dumbledore addressed them all, welcoming to the first meeting of the dueling club. He and Furgal went through the list of rules, emphasising repeatedly that they were to be taken seriously and with heavy consequences should any of them be broken. 

“Dueling for sport can be fun and exciting, but it’s not a game and it shouldn’t be treated as such.” Furgal lectured, standing at the front of the room, straight backed and leaving no room for arguments. “These will be fair fights and you will follow the rules of a proper Wizarding Duel. I don’t want to see any of you turning this club into a mockery.” His eyes landed briefly on Sirius and James who both feigned angelic confusion. “Especially,” He went on. “When we have our very special guest, who is taking the time to be here and help you to learn more advanced techniques that are used out in the field. Students, please show your utmost respect for Head Auror, Alastor Moody.” 

Students gasped and chattered and applauded as Moody stepped forward and gave a short nod in greeting, his magical eye whirling about to take in the crowd. 

It seemed to take ages for all of the formal introductions and explanations, and Sirius was glad that he wasn’t the only one who was eager to begin, his hand already clutching his wand tightly. Finally they were instructed to split up into pairs and, for the time being, to try to keep to partners of the same house. 

“Gee, I wonder why…” Remus muttered with a smirk, giving Sirius and James a knowing look.

“Blast,” James swore under his breath. “They’re onto us. Welp, looks like I’ll just have to keep practicing on you, Black!” He grinned, rounding on Sirius with his wand raised. 

Sirius whipped his own wand out, bowing dramatically low. “Ah, yes, a worthy opponent, Potter. I accept your challenge.” 

Remus rolled his eyes at them both and went to join Dorcas just a few feet away. 

The dueling began when sparks few from Furgal’s wand with a bang.

Sirius and James both moved with a natural fluidity that the two of them could only ever match for each other. Sirius dodged James’ jellylegs jinx and James stopped Sirius’ stinging hex and deflected it, sending it right back. 

James managed to trap Sirius inside a bubble when Sirius got distracted watching Remus gracefully maneuver around Dorcas’ attack. Remus caught his eye and smirked as Sirius struggled to pop the bubble encasing him. He finally broke free, popping it and sending a splatter of slippery soap all around and he lost his footing and landed hard on his arse sending James into a fit of laughter. 

“Yeah, very funny.” Sirius grumbled. “C’mere and help me up, will you?” 

James wiped away tears of mirth and reached out a hand to assist. “Sorry, Pads. Maybe if you weren’t busy looking at Moony’s-” 

“JAMES LOOK OUT!” Sirius shouted, pulling James to the ground as a jet of light whizzed past, just missing him. Looking in the direction from which the rogue spell had come, Sirius spotted Snape, their eyes meeting for a moment that was just long enough to tell Sirius all he needed to know. Growling, Sirius pointed his wand at the Slytherin making yellow pus leak from his long nose.

“Come on, Snivellus!” Sirius called to him as the other students began to turn their attention away from their own duels to watch. “Think you’re tough, Snape? Hexing someone with their bloody back turned?” 

With one hand covering his leaking nose, Severus flicked his wand sending a jet of light at Sirius which James quickly blocked.

James and Sirius were both back on their feet now and holding their own against Snape who had been joined by Avery and Nott. Spells and hexes were flying and all of the other students had backed away, forming a circle around them. Everything came to a crashing halt, literally, when Sirius found himself being shoved forcefully out of the way and with a loud bang Bellatrix Black was sent hurtling through the air, falling in a heap on the floor on the other side of the hall. 

Shaking off the initial shock, Sirius looked up to see Remus standing over him, lowering his wand and glaring dangerously at the lump that was Bellatrix. 

“ENOUGH!” Dumbledore roared and everyone went deathly silent. Blue eyes calmly scanned the crowd of students. “That will be all for tonight, I believe. Everyone return to your common rooms in an orderly fashion, except those of you involved.” His eyes landed on Sirius, James and Remus while Furgal hauled Bellatrix to her feet and rounded up Snape, Avery and Nott. 

Remus held out a hand to help Sirius up and Sirius gaped at him. 

“Moony, what the bloody hell was that about?” 

Remus’ eyes were rimmed with yellow and fixed on Bellatrix and he growled deep in his throat. “She was coming at you from behind. It didn’t seem like a hex or a jinx, either. A curse of some sort.” 

“That bitch.” Sirius snarled. “Fucking sneaky little-” 

“Would you boys mind telling me just what the hell that was about?” Moody’s gravelly voice demanded as he approached them, his leg making a  _ thunk thunk thunk  _ sound and Dumbledore following closely behind. 

Sirius nodded towards the Slytherins. “They started it. Sniv- I mean, Snape. He tried to hex James behind his back!” 

“It was an accident, Black!” Insisted Snape angrily. “Bloody typical, always so eager to blame everyone else when it’s you who attacked-”

“Bull Bloody Shit, Snape!” 

“And let’s not forget Lupin nearly sending Bella through the wall.” Avery chimed in.

Snape sneered. “Of course. Can’t be trusted, that one.” 

Sirius’ eyes went wide and he lunged at Snape with an angry cry, but James and Remus caught him and held him back.

“Enough!” Dumbledore shouted again, looking around at all of them. “I’ve never been so disappointed in the behavior of seventh year students, and from a Prefect and Head Boy as well.” He looked pointedly at James and Remus. “50 points will be taken from both houses and you’ll each be serving detentions once I’ve discussed the proper assignments with your heads of houses. You are all to return straight to your dormitories for the night, and I trust there will be no more trouble from any of you.” 

“Yes, sir.” Sirius, James and Remus mumbled, and they all watched as the Headmaster and Moody walked away before they turned and left the Great Hall.

None of them said a word while they walked back to Gryffindor tower, all of them feeling a mix of anger and shame at the way everything had played out. Sirius for one couldn’t wait to just go up to the dorm and collapse onto the bed, but as they stepped through the portrait into the common room it seemed like that would not be a possibility. Professor McGonagall greeted them, her eyes red brimmed and worn.

“Mr. Lupin,” She started. 

Remus went rigid beside him and started shaking his head. “...No…”

Sirius’ heart sank. _No. Not now. Not yet._

McGonagall took a shaky breath and laid a hand on Remus’ shoulder. “Your father has requested that you are sent home immediately so you can say your goodbyes. I'm so sorry, dear."


	92. Hope - Year Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sobbed the entire time while writing this chapter and I am SOOOOOOO sorry. Tissues may be a good idea.

**_McGonagall took a shaky breath and laid a hand on Remus’ shoulder. “Your father has requested that you are sent home immediately so you can say your goodbyes. I'm so sorry, dear."_ **

 

Remus wasn’t quite sure what had happened after that. He remembered feeling Sirius and James’ arms around him and they were talking, talking, everyone was talking but he didn’t know what they were saying and everything sounded like he was under water. He vaguely recalled Professor McGonagall telling James and Peter that they and Lily would be permitted to miss class once the funeral arrangements were settled and he heard his own voice requesting that Sirius came with him. Everything after that had been a blur and the next thing he knew he and Sirius were using the fireplace in Dumbledore’s office to floo back to his own home where his father was waiting in the living room, pale faced and tired and looking defeated. 

There was more talking, more muffled voices throwing words back and forth that made Remus’ head spin even as he allowed himself to be pulled into a tight hug by his father. Remus nodded along to whatever he was saying but he was completely detached, like he was watching the scene happen from somewhere else like it wasn’t even his life at all except for the grounding pressure of Sirius’ hand on his shoulder, spreading warmth through his otherwise cold and empty feeling body. 

Then his father disappeared into the bedroom and Remus felt Sirius slowly pulling him to sit down on the sofa.

“Moony...Remus, hey...look at me…” 

Remus shook himself, crashing back down to earth. “W-what? Huh?” He blinked, finally looking up to meet Sirius’ sad and concerned gaze. 

One of Sirius’ hands came up to cup his cheek, his thumb stroking over the day old stubble on his jaw. “You’ve barely said two words since we left the school. S’like you were in a completely different world.  Needed to bring you back before you go in there…” Sirius’ eyes flickered towards the bedroom door. Remus tensed and Sirius pulled him in against him and kissed the side of his head. “Fuck. I can’t...I can’t go in there, Pads.” Remus whispered against his boyfriend’s neck, tightening his arms around him, clinging to him. “I can’t.” 

“You can.” Said Sirius. He had started to rub his hand in soothing circles on Remus’ back. “You can do it, Remus. You’re so brave, I know you are.” 

 

**_"I'm scared, mum." The four year old boy clung desperately to his mother's pale pink nightgown, tears staining the front of it while she stroked and kissed his hair._ **

**_"My brave boy," Hope sighed. She glanced up at the bedroom window where the nearly full moon hung in the sky, flooding the room with light and flooding their house with fear of the unknown. "You'll be alright, cariad. It'll be over before you know it. You're such a strong, brave boy, Remus." She rubbed his back in circles, trying to ease the violent sobbing of her terrified child._ **

**_"I c-can't...I d-don't want to go down there all by myself." He pleaded desperately. "P-please mum. Please don't leave me down there alone."_ **

**_"Remus, you listen to me." She said firmly. "There are going to be times in your life where I won't be able to be where you are- ah!" She held up one finger and fixed him with a warning look as his eyes widened fearfully and he whimpered. "That's life, my love. But I promise you, Remus, I am always with you. Do you understand, darling?"_ **

**_"Yes, mummy..."_ **

**_"Good boy. Now don't be scared. Everything is going to be alright, and I will be there in the morning when you wake up."_ **

“Remus?” 

Both boys jumped, breaking apart at the sound of an unfamiliar voice. Remus turned around, facing a man in a white coat who was clearly his mother’s doctor. 

He licked his lips, his mouth feeling dry as he tried to swallow past the lump in his throat. “Er...Yes. I-I’m Remus. Sorry.” He stood abruptly and shook the man’s hand. “Oh! And um...this is Sirius. Er...my-” 

“Friend from school.” Sirius supplied quickly, jumping up to stand next to him and shaking the doctor’s hand also. 

“Yes. That. Sorry.” Remus stuttered. He was shaking. How long had he been shaking? Why couldn’t he stop shaking? 

“No need to apologize. It’s nice to meet you both. I’m Doctor Carter.” He smiled warmly at them. He seemed like a very nice man and the smile actually reached his warm, deep brown eyes. Remus wondered how many times Dr. Carter had had to do this before. How many patients’ families he had had to talk to, baring the worst news, and still managing to smile sincerely at them. 

Sirius elbowed him gently in the ribs and he realized that Dr. Carter was still talking and he had been zoning out again. 

“-All happened rather quickly, but it often does in cases like this I’m afraid. We’ve kept her on enough medication to keep her going as long as possible but she doesn’t wish to be put on life support. She’s just been asking for you.” 

Remus flinched at that. She was asking for him. She was staying alive so that she could see him. She didn’t want to die without saying goodbye to him. She was going to die. This was it. 

Dr. Carter gave him a sympathetic look and patted his shoulder. “When you’re ready. You can just come right in.” 

Beside him, Sirius nodded.  “Thank you, er-”

“ _ Doctor. _ ” Remus hissed. 

“Doctor.” Sirius repeated, watching the older man disappear once again behind the bedroom door. When the door closed Sirius squeezed Remus’ hand. “Moony-” 

“I can’t do it.” 

“Yes you can. You have to.” 

 

**_“I can’t do it.” Remus insisted, grasping tightly at his mother’s hand, his eyes wide with fear and glued to the giant, scarlet steam engine that had pulled up to the platform. He shook his head frantically. “Mum, I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to go. I can’t.”_ **

**_“Yes you can.” Hope said firmly. “You have to, Remus.” She knelt down in front of him, taking both of his trembling hands in her own and meeting his eyes. “You have to do this, Remus. You’re too smart and strong and brave not to take this chance. You need to prove you can do anything that anyone else can do-”_ **

**_“You said it didn’t matter what anyone else-”_ **

**_“You need to prove it to_ ** **yourself** **_, cariad.” She let go of his hands to gently thumb away the tears in the corner of his eyes. “You can’t go through life believing that you are less than other people because of something you can’t control because you’re not, Remus. You’re so much more and you deserve to see it and show it to the world.”_ **

**_Remus bit his lip, looking back up at the train and seeing all of the other children waving excitedly at their parents. “But...I’m different, mum! I’m not like all of them! I’m a-”_ **

**_“Ah!” Hope held up her hand, giving her son a stern look as if she had caught him sneaking biscuits before supper. “Remus, love, look around at all of the other children here. Look.” She scanned the crowded platform and Remus followed her gaze, watching all of the children laughing and hugging their parents and siblings and running to board the train. “Do you know what I see?”_ **

**_Remus shrugged._ **

**_“I see a boy there,” Hope pointed to a young boy with messy dark hair and glasses. “Who is wearing the same robes like yours...And, hmm…” She tapped her finger thoughtfully against her lips and she looked around some more. “Ah! There’s a girl right there with a wand. I know I’m no witch myself, but I’m pretty sure not just anyone can waltz in and get a wand, can they darling? So she’s just like you as well. Aha! And see? That boy there!” She pointed to a pudgy blonde boy who was giving the train an apprehensive look as he clung stiffly to his mother’s side. “He looks just as nervous as you are right now, Remus.” She smiled comfortingly and squeezed his hand. “You aren’t any different from them, cariad. That’s why you have to do this. Do you understand?”_ **

**_Taking a shaky breath, Remus nodded. “Yes, mum.”_ **

**_“That’s my brave boy.” Hope’s smile brightened and she pressed a kiss to his forehead before standing up and straightening out her skirt. “Now then, before I start to cry and embarrass you in front of all your new friends, we best say our goodbyes.”_ **

**_Remus made a terrified noise in his throat at the word ‘goodbye’ and once again he was clinging to his mother’s arm. “I just wish you could come with me”_ **

**_Hope sighed and pulled the boy into a tight hug.  “What have I always told you, mabi fi? There are going to be times when I can’t be where you are. But I’m always with you, Remus. Always.” She gently patted his back. “Come now, your father’s coming. Don’t want him to start his panicking, you know how he is. That’s it. Brave boy, you are.”_ **

“Will you come in with me?” Remus asked softly, staring straight ahead at the door to his parents’ bedroom, his hand on the doorknob but unable to to make himself turn it and enter the room. 

“If you want me to.” Sirius replied from behind him. “But if you’d rather have a moment alone-”

Remus swallowed thickly. “Just...Just come in with me, yeah? You can stand by the door, but I just...in case I need-”

“I’m right here, Moons.” 

Remus’ hands were trembling so much that the doorknob rattled noisily in his grasp as he slowly turned it and pushed the door open. His parents’ bedroom looked no different than it had his entire life, except that it also looked entirely different for reasons he couldn’t quite put his finger on. It felt like walking into a dream as he stepped through the doorway, like everything had gone cloudy around the edges and all he could see was the bed in his direct line of vision with stark white sheets and a frail, tired version of his mother who, despite looking so very fragile, Remus thought was the very image of an angel - beautiful and delicate.

He felt like he was floating as he walked towards her. His feet were moving but he wasn’t in control. True to his word, Sirius hung back by the door along with Remus’ father and Doctor Carter to give him privacy. 

Hope’s eyes fluttered open the moment he reached the bed and a smile brightened her face. “Remus!” She slowly lifted her hand and Remus nearly choked when he saw how tiny her wrists appeared, but he swallowed it down and carefully took her hand. “My boy. You’re here.” 

Remus nodded. “Yeah, mum. I’m here.” 

“I’m so happy you’re here, mabi fi.” She gazed lovingly at him. “How’s Sirius?”

Remus blinked, surprised at his mother’s casual small talk. “Um...H-he’s fine, mum. Er...He’s here, actually.”

“Oh, that’s good, dearest. He’s such a good young man, isn’t he? I’m so happy. That boy loves you very much and I love him for it.” 

Remus blushed and laughed shakily. “Thanks, mum. That really means a lot to me.” 

“You’ll take good care of him, Sirius?” Hope called, her eyes twinkling as Remus’ blush deepened.

“Yes, Mrs. Lupin, of course.” Sirius agreed from somewhere across the room.

“He can be rather stubborn, you know.” Hope went on with a weak wave of her hand. “He’s like his father-” somewhere in the room Lyall snorted and chuckled under his breath, muttering something about just who the stubborn one in the household was. “But don’t you just keep pushing, dear. These Lupin men don’t know what’s good for them.” 

“Mum!” 

“You’ve got my word.” Remus could hear Sirius grinning and he rolled his eyes. Sometimes he did wonder if, despite her lack of magical blood, perhaps his mother was a seer of some sort or naturally gifted with a form of acute Legilimency that she could always know what was going on in his head. Or maybe it was simply because for most of his life, Hope hadn’t only been his mother but his best and only friend and no one knew him better than she did. No one ever would. 

“Remus,” Said Hope softly, her voice cracking just a bit at the end.

“Yeah, mum?”

“I need you to promise me something, cariad. It’s very important that you understand this.” 

Remus licked his lips. “Yeah, mum. Anything.”

Hope gave a sad, weak smile and nodded towards where Lyall was standing. “Your father loves you so much. I know sometimes it’s hard for you both. All he’s ever wanted was to protect you, love. He’s never once meant to cause you more harm than you’ve already had to face. Just promise me that no matter what happens, no matter what you may hear or see or what you may already know...just don’t give up on him, because he’ll never give up on you, Remus, never. You know that, don’t you? You two have been drifting apart for some time now and...you’ll need each other. He needs you, Remus.”

Remus went rigid and his eyes flickered to the corner where his father stood, looking pained and almost as if he wished that his wife hadn’t said the things she just said. “M-mum, what are you-?” 

Hope shook her head. “Just promise, cariad.” 

Taking another shuddering breath, Remus nodded. “Yes. I do. Of course…”

Hope sighed heavily and relaxed back against the pillows, her eyes falling shut. No one said a word and the only sound that filled the room was that of her labored breathing.

“M-mum?” Remus’ voice cracked anxiously, afraid that that had been the end of it. He wasn’t ready. It couldn’t be over…

“Hmmm? I’m just tired, love. Very tired.” Said Hope. The hand that still held Remus’ squeezed gently. “So glad you’re here, mabi fi.” 

“M-maybe,” Remus croaked, blinking back tears. He cleared his throat. “Maybe you should get some sleep then, yeah?”

“Hmmm…” Hope’s eyes opened a bit to look at her son. They still sparkled. “Can I tell you a secret, love?” 

“Yeah…” 

Hope smiled. “Don’t want to sleep...I’m scared, love. I want to stay with you.” 

“ _ Fuck. _ ” Remus swore sharply under his breath, tears stubbornly stinging at his eyes. He shook his head, trying to shake himself out of the mess he was slowly becoming. He forced a smile. “Don’t be scared, mum...everything’s going to be alright.” He sniffled and turned to wipe his nose on his shoulder so he wouldn’t have to let go. “And I’ll be there when you wake up.”

“I love you, Remus.” This time when she spoke her voice sounded small and like it took a lot for her to force the words out. “Remember...what I used to sing to you in the mornings after...after your…” 

Sniffing again and cursing the way his voice quivered and cracked, Remus nodded. “You are my sunshine…” 

**_Five year old Remus curled up in his mother’s lap, his tiny fist clinging to her nightgown as he tried to focus on her soothing voice and her fingers gently combing through his hair as his father applied burning healing salves to his injuries from the night before.“...My only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray.”_ **

“You’ll never know dear, how much I love you…” Hope’s eyes closed.

Remus didn’t hold the tears back this time. “P-Please don’t take my sunshine away…” 

And she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry. RIP Hope


	93. The Lies We Tell Our Children - Year Seven*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ahem* Sooooo I usually try to keep the smut in this fic a little more vague than the smut I write for PWP oneshots. But the scene in this chapter may have gotten away from me a little lol.

Sirius didn’t have a lot of experience with family, nor did he have any experience with losing someone he loved. The only person he had ever known to die had been his Great Uncle Alphard and although he had been left a hefty inheritance from the man, it wasn’t as if they had been particularly close, especially not compared to how close Remus had been to his mother. 

Watching Remus over the days that followed Hope Lupin’s passing was surreal to Sirius. He didn’t know what he had been expecting, it wasn’t like Remus was typically one to broadcast his emotions and he was used to the way that his boyfriend tended to retreat into himself when things got hard, but he hadn’t been expecting this. 

The night that Hope passed, Remus had sat by her bed for what seemed like an eternity after she had breathed her last breath. Sirius, Lyall and the muggle healer-  _ Doctor _ \- had slipped from the room to give him time and space, but Sirius couldn’t resist pressing his ear to the door now and then, listening for any signs that he may have to go in to comfort the other boy. He couldn’t hear anything and after a while he took to pacing back and forth and fighting back his instincts to scratch at the door and whine. Lyall eventually muttered something about making tea and that snapped Sirius out of his desperate attempts to read Remus’ emotions through the bedroom door and he stopped pacing. 

“I can do that if you’d like, Mr. Lupin.” He offered. “I mean, that’s why I came along with Remus. You’ve got enough going on, I thought maybe you could use the help.” 

Lyall gave him a tired smile. “Thank you, Sirius. I really appreciate it, but I do think a little busy work may be good for me. Sitting and doing nothing,” The man shuddered and shook his head. “It won’t help much.” 

Sirius wilted slightly, but he nodded. “Yeah. I understand.” 

“You’re more than welcome to join me in the kitchen if you’d like.” Said Lyall. “Probably better than waiting by the door like a stray dog, eh?” He chuckled lightly and Sirius had to appreciate the irony of the statement even though he could feel his cheeks heating up with mild embarrassment as he followed the older man to the kitchen. 

Sirius took a seat at the table and watched closely as Lyall went about the tea; taking the cups down from the cabinet, filling the pot and setting it on the stove, shuffling through an organized tin full of tagbags. 

Lyall turned and caught his eye and gave a short little laugh. “Hope didn’t like me using magic in the kitchen,” He explained as he saw Sirius eyeing the stove curiously. “Anywhere else in the house was fine but she believed that everything tasted better when it was done without magic. She was right, of course. At least I always thought so.” He looked back down at the tin in his hands. “What kind of tea do you prefer, Sirius?” 

“Earl Grey, if you have it.” 

Lyall nodded, plucking a bag from the bunch and placing it aside. “And Remus...he still drinks ten bloody cups of breakfast tea throughout the day?” Lyall looked up with an amused smirk that Sirius thought was nearly identical to his son’s and he smiled back at him. 

“Most days.” Sirius chuckled. He sighed and stood up, walking over to the counter to stand beside the man and looking into the tin. “Er...though I think right now he’d actually appreciate,  _ ahhhh _ -oh! Here. This’ll do.” he selected an herbal tea. Some sort of chamomile blend that he knew Remus said calmed his nerves around the full moon. “Scorching hot and with some peppermint and lemon.” 

Lyall quirked an eyebrow at him, silent for a moment as he looked Sirius up and down, almost like he was giving some sort of assessment. Then he patted Sirius on the shoulder. “Thank you, Sirius. Really.” 

 

Once the tea was ready Sirius helped Lyall carry it back to the hall where Doctor Carter was still waiting outside. Lyall sighed heavily and nodded to Sirius. 

“I think it may be time. Sirius, would you mind-?” 

“Of course not.” Sirius agreed quickly. Both of his hands currently holding hot cups of tea, Sirius stepped aside to let Lyall open the door for him and he quietly stepped in, letting the door close gently behind him. Remus either hadn’t heard the door or sensed Sirius’ presence, or had chosen not to react to it because he stayed with his back to Sirius, still as a statue in the exact position sitting on the edge of the bed as he had been when they had left him there. Setting the cups down on the dresser, Sirius slowly made his way and laid his hand on Remus’ shoulder, ducking to press a kiss to the top of his head. 

“Moony…”

“Just one more minute.” Remus’ voice rasped, thick and strange sounding. He still didn’t move a muscle. “Please?” 

Sirius nodded, pleased when Remus finally leaned his body back against his own. He wrapped his arms around him and just stood there, waiting, letting Remus finish whatever he needed to do inside his head at that moment. Another minute passed.

“Come on, love.” Sirius muttered, his lips still pressed to his boyfriend’s messy curls. “It’s time.” 

He expected Remus to refuse and ask for more time and he didn’t know what he would do if he had to drag the werewolf out of the room. Thankfully he felt Remus nod and at long last he stood up from the bed, turned and wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius, burying his face in his neck. They stood like that for a while until Remus pulled back slightly, blinking his red rimmed, glassy eyes. He rested their foreheads together.

“Thanks for being here with me, Sirius.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Rem. There was nothing that could have stopped me.” He stole a quick kiss before taking out his wand and pointing it at the two steaming tea cups, levitating them so that they followed the two boys out of the room into the hall. Once they were out, Doctor Carter went back in and closed the door. Lyall pulled his son in to a long hug. 

“Why don’t you boys go and get some rest.” Lyall suggested. “You’ve had a long day and we have a lot to take care of tomorrow. Go on up to bed.” 

Remus shook his head. “What about you? I’m not tired, dad, really. What do you need me to-” 

“Remus.” Lyall said firmly. “What I need is for you to get some rest, son. You’ll have plenty to do tomorrow and you won’t be able to if you don’t get some sleep, alright? Go on.” 

Remus looked as if he wanted to argue and Sirius quickly took him by the arm. “Come on, Remus. I’m not above slipping you sleeping draught, mate. Let’s go.” He flashed a smile at his boyfriend’s father. “Goodnight Mr. Lupin.” 

“Goodnight. Thank you again Sirius.” 

Once they were in Remus’ bedroom with the door locked and a silencing charm placed, Remus sat on the edge of his bed and just stared, blank faced, ahead. Even with their mating bond, Sirius couldn’t seem to get an accurate sense of what the other boy was feeling or thinking. He just seemed numb. Perhaps he was in shock. 

Grabbing one of the floating teacups out of the air, Sirius sat beside him and held it out to him. “Made you some tea. You should probably drink it. It’s that herbal stuff you like near the moon.” 

Remus grunted in response and took the cup, but he continued to just stare off, holding the cup in his lap. 

Sirius bit his lip. He wasn’t sure what he should do. Was this a normal reaction when someone lost a family member? Maybe he should get the mirror and call James. What would James know, though? James had never dealt with something like this either. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, looking around the room. First thing’s first, he knew he was dying to get out of his own tight jeans and trainers and if he couldn’t get Remus to talk or drink some tea he could at least make him more comfortable. 

He opened the top drawer of the old, chipped wooden dresser, digging around until he found a thin white t-shirt that looked well worn but clean. He turned back sighed at the dazed expression that remained on Remus’ face, but he forced a smile onto his own.

“C’mon, Moony.” He carefully pried the tea cup from Remus’ fingers and set it next to his own on the bedside table. “Arms up. Let’s get you out of that scratchy jumper, eh?” When Remus still didn’t budge, Sirius sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, Moony, you’ve got to give me something to work with here, love. At least change into something comfortable, okay? Don’t make me vanish your clothes for you, because I will-” 

“I can do it.” Remus said quietly, turning his head so quickly to face Sirius that it actually made Sirius jump a little. 

Sirius licked his lips and nodded. “Right. Okay, good.” He watched Remus stand up and grasp the hem of his jumper, unable to stop himself from admiring the way the werewolf’s muscles moved under each bit of newly exposed skin as he pulled the garment up over his head and tossed it aside leaving his curls in an adorably mussed state. Sirius frowned slightly, taking in the familiar sight of the boy he loved. Something seemed different.

Perhaps, he thought, it’s that Remus was hardly a boy anymore and neither was he. When you look at a person every single day, it’s hard to notice the subtle differences, but seeing Remus in his childhood bedroom really brought it to light. His shoulders had broadened out quite a bit and although Remus had unbelievable strength due to the excess magic in his blood from his lycanthropy he had always appeared too tall, too thin and too scrawny but somewhere along the line - and really Sirius cursed himself for having not  noticing sooner or at least during a time that he could properly appreciate it instead of while the poor guy was in a state of shock - the muscles in his chest and stomach had become nicely defined. There was a light sprinkling of hair on his chest as well, along with the trail that lead Sirius’ eyes from his navel down beneath his low hanging trousers which was joined by another new development of nicely shaped v line muscles. 

Remus had been the first of the Marauders to be able to grow any facial hair, but even still it had always been relatively light and he hadn’t had to shave more than once a week, but now his day old stubble was really coming in, giving the sharp line of his jaw more definition and making him look pleasantly rugged along with his scars.

Sirius wondered if he looked different as well.

They were grown now. They weren’t boys anymore, they were men and they would be leaving school in a few short months and entering a world at war. Hope Lupin was only the first loss they would surely be suffering in due time. 

Remus unbuttoned his trousers, letting them fall and kicking them and his trainers off haphazardly, not caring where they ended up, which happened to be crumpled up in the corner of the room. He scrubbed his hands over his face, standing in front of Sirius in nothing but his boxers and Sirius wondered once again if it was wrong to ogle at his boyfriend while he was in emotional distress. 

Remus didn’t seem to notice the fact that his boyfriend was nearly drooling over him, and he grabbed the t-shirt Sirius had given him and pulled it on. He sighed, scratching at his head and looking around the room with a mild look of confusion. “You said tea?” 

“Yes!” Sirius answered with a little too much enthusiasm, probably, just happy that Remus wanted the tea at all and had broken the deafening silence. He picked up Remus’ cup and held it out to him. “Erm, it might have gone a bit cold. Want me to put it under a warming charm?” 

Remus made a face. “Doesn’t taste the same with magic.” As the words left his mouth they seemed to trigger something else in his mind because his eyes widened slightly and his breath caught. Sirius remembered what Mr. Lupin had said in the kitchen;

_ Hope always said everything tasted better without magic _ . 

He stood up and took the cup away again, putting it back on the table before he turned and wrapped his arms around Remus. 

Remus let out a slow, shuddering breath against his neck. “I’m sorry.” he whispered and Sirius rolled his eyes, tightening his arms around him. 

“Are you mental? You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” He pulled back slightly to look at the other boy. “Why on Earth would you apologize?” 

Remus shrugged. “I just...I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel right now. I don’t...I don’t feel anything and yet I feel...I feel  _ everything _ all at once. I don’t know what to do, Sirius. I want to scream, I want to break things...I want…” He sniffled again and Sirius noticed how red the tip of his nose was. “I feel like she’s going to wake up. Like she has to wake up. Or I’ll wake up and this all will have been some awful dream. I just want to wake up from this, Pads.” 

“If I could wake you up from it I would.” Said Sirius, reaching up to gently cup Remus’ chin. “I’m so sorry, Moony.” 

A ghost of a smile passed over Remus’ lips before he leaned in and pressed them against Sirius’. “I love you, Sirius.” 

“I love you, too.” He looked over at the tea cups. “Want me to go heat it up in that, er,  _ Mikey Wave _ thing?” 

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes, a real smile actually settling on his face for the first time. “It’s called a microwave, Sirius. And no, for the love of Merlin, I don’t think I’m ready for the disaster that is you and muggle household appliances. I don’t need you blowing anything up today, thanks.” 

“Hey now, you don’t know I’d blow anything up!” 

“Yes I do.” Remus smirked. It didn’t reach his eyes, which were puffy and tired, but it was a start. “A warming charm will work just fine for now.” 

“But you said-”

Remus waved him off dismissively. “It works fine at school and it can work fine now. Besides, I’d rather you not...you know...leave me.” he finished with a slight blush creeping up his cheeks.

Sirius smiled and kissed him. “I’ll never leave you, Moons. Don’t worry.” 

 

They both drank their magically warmed tea and Sirius changed into a t-shirt and stripped off his jeans before crawling into the bed, making himself comfortable and holding out his arm as an invitation which Remus took with a look of gratitude and utter exhaustion, sliding under the covers beside him and curling up with his head on Sirius’ chest. Sirius flicked his wand to turn the lights out and then stuffed it under the pillow and began to card his fingers through Remus’ hair. They didn’t talk like they normally did before they fell asleep or any of the other various activities they usually got up to during the night, but they just laid in silence. A few times Sirius heard Remus’ breath hitch and he thought maybe he was crying, in fact he almost wished Remus would cry rather than remain so emotionally numb, but he never felt any tears dampening his t-shirt and eventually the werewolf’s breathing evened out completely. Satisfied that his boyfriend had managed to fall asleep, Sirius let exhaustion take over him as well and he too drifted off.

 

The next few days were a whirlwind while Remus tried to help his father with the arrangements despite Mr Lupin’s insisting that things had been mostly taken care of by Hope herself over the last few months. That only seemed to make Remus more determined to be included, feeling that the truth about the seriousness his mother’s condition had been purposely kept from him towards the end. Still, he showed very little emotion beyond mild to moderate aggravation towards his father, and he kept himself as busy as possible regardless of the distant, detached look in his eyes. 

Sirius tried to make himself as useful as possible without getting in the way, taking care of little things like doing the dishes, making tea and pestering Remus to eat whatever he could safely whip up on his own without burning the house down. It turned out Remus was right, he was definitely not ready for the mikey-wave thing, a sad incident involving a metal fork had proven…

That was when Mr. Lupin introduced Sirius to the beauty of ordering take-out. 

Most of all Sirius just did what he could to be supportive, reminding Remus that he had to stop periodically to do things like eat, shower and sleep even though he knew that his boyfriend only nibbled at his food, stood briefly under the spray of water in a complete daze and stared at the ceiling for hours at night between short intervals of fitful dozing. 

Sirius had never been to a funeral before and he certainly wasn’t looking forward to it, but the knowledge that James, Peter and Lily had been given permission to miss class to be there for Remus made it hard for Sirius to deny that he wished for that day to finally come. He needed backup. 

The day finally did arrive, and when Sirius woke up Remus was already showered, clean shaven and buttoning up a clean, white dress shirt with that same distant expression he had had for four full days. 

Sirius blinked and rubbed his eyes, reaching across the bed to take the pocket watch James’ parents had given him for his seventeenth birthday from the bedside table. “It’s barely seven, Moony.” 

“Couldn’t sleep anyway.” 

Sirius snorted. “No kidding. I don’t think you’ve slept in days, mate. I’m serious about force feeding you a sleeping draught, you know. And if you think I won’t, just wait until Lily gets her hands on you.” He sat up and stretched, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and watching Remus get dressed in his nice muggle suit. 

_ Shit _ . Sirius suddenly realized.  _ This is a muggle funeral. I haven’t got a muggle suit.  _

“Erm..Remus?” 

“Huh?” 

Sirius groaned inwardly. He’d eventually get a full sentence out of the man! These grunts and simple answers were driving him insane. He shook it off. “Well, I’ve just sort of noticed while admiring how dashing your bum looks in those trousers, er...I haven’t got a muggle suit. I can’t wear my dress robes in front of your whole muggle family.”

Remus’ lips turned down and he gave Sirius a onceover with his eyes, contemplating. Then he chewed anxiously at his bottom lip. “Er...well, I suppose we can transfigure your dress robes.” He sighed and then muttered “Not that it will make a bloody difference.” 

Sirius’ brow furrowed and he tilted his head in a confused, dog like manner. “What d’you mean? Your mum’s family can’t see me in Wizard Clothing, right? They’re muggles.” 

“Yes, they are, it’s just..” Remus ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Well, I’m not so sure many of them will come, you see…” He sat down on the bed next to Sirius and slouched his shoulders. “Things were hard enough when Mum married Dad and couldn’t tell her family that he was a Wizard. They managed to hide it well even once I was born but...after I, well...after what happened it got harder to hide the truth. I was newly turned and I couldn’t control by behavior very well at first if I got too excited or upset I wasn’t just a risk at showing accidental magic but my wolf side would sort of take over a bit, like it does sometimes now and we couldn’t let them see me...like that.” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Then as time went on, every month I would get hurt during the full moon, and every month I would have more and more scars that appeared on my body...it looked suspicious, you know? I...I don’t really remember what had happened exactly.

I was about six years old the last time I saw my Grandad and I remember he took one look at me and I think I was still nursing a broken wrist and I had my first really bad scars up my right arm right where they could be seen under my tshirt...it was the first time I had gotten a scar that couldn’t be hidden by my regular clothes. So he looked at me and he dropped down to his knees in front of me and he started asking me questions in Welsh and I didn’t understand much of it but it scared me because he looked upset…

Then mum ran in yelling at him not to accuse her husband of terrible things and she snatched me up in her arms and told him that if he couldn’t believe her that my dad wasn’t hurting me and he was still that desperate to get her to leave him, then she never wanted him to see her or me again.

It turns out that when mum and dad got married they moved away from where the rest of the family lived so that they wouldn’t accidentally let her family know he was a Wizard. That upset my grandad to begin with and he was suspicious about why mum felt the need to be so far away. So then when I got bitten and we really pulled back from the family and saw them less and less, rumors circulated in the family and eventually they heard things from locals around us about strange noises and screaming that often came in the night and finally on the rare occasion that they did see me I was always injured. They pestered mum about it constantly and eventually she dropped them. Every single one of them. She lost her whole family, all because her son was a bloody werewolf.” He spat viscously. 

“Remus, that is not your fault! Look, love, if they couldn’t trust her word and support her relationship with your dad, they weren’t doing right by her or by you. She did that because she loved you and she loved your dad and she knew you were more important.”

“She wouldn’t have had to cut ties with her whole family to hide her son from them! She spent her whole life taking care of me and my condition and my problems and keeping me safe and it’s not fair!” 

Sirius grabbed both of his shoulders. “Moony, stop. She was your mother, Remus! I may not know from experience but I’ll pretty sure that what real mothers are meant to do, isn’t it? Love and protect their children! Again, my mum isn’t a good example, but yours! Moony, no mother has ever loved their son the way that woman loved you, do you understand? She never wasted her life for you, she  _ lived it  _ for you!”  

Remus stared at him for a long time, looking like he had been hit in the head with a bludger. Then before Sirius knew it he found himself pinned to the bed with Remus’ familiar weight straddling him and one of Remus’ hand holding both of his above his head as the werewolf kissed and sucked a path down Sirius’ neck. 

It had taken him by such surprise that it took several seconds to register what was happening and had succumbed to his usual instinct to submit to his Mate, writhing pleasurably beneath him as Remus’ lips close around one of his nipples and the hand that wasn’t holding Sirius’ down was making its way down past the waistband of his trousers. Those warm fingers wrapping so perfectly around him brought him back down to Earth and he shook his head. “Remus,” He panted, biting back a moan as Remus’ teeth nipped at the sensitive flesh of his ribs...Moony, stop.” 

Remus bit him again, less playful and more of a wolf warning his mate to behave and Sirius hissed in both pleasure and pain. 

“Want you…” Remus growled nuzzling the patch of hair under his navel.

“I know, Moony. I want you too, love. So, so badly, aahhh!” Remus had bitten his hip bone and lapped soothingly at it with his tongue making Sirius squirm. “But we can’t now, Moony.”

Remus shook his head, his yellow tinged eyes glaring down at Sirius, daring him to challenge. “I need you, Sirius…” He kissed a line down from Sirius hip bone along the waist of his now tented boxers. 

Sirius whined, partially in disappointed that he couldn’t just let Remus have his way with him and partially a little nervous about how he was going to argue with him about why they couldn’t with him in this state. He sighed. “Moony, I love you. I need you too, love, you know I do, Merlin what I wouldn’t give to have you right now, but you’re going to get your suit all wrinkly and Prongs and Wormy and Lily are-” 

A knock on the door saved him. It distracted Remus enough to catch him off guard so that Sirius could wriggle out from under him and grab his wand, unlocking the bedroom door and charming the wrinkles off Remus’ dress shirt. He sorted himself out, though he was still standing in just an AC/DC shirt and boxers, and then opened the door, promptly falling dramatically into James’ arms. “Tell me how much you missed me, Jim! I must hear it! It was simply dreadful not to have you by my side!” 

“An utter travesty it was, Sirius!” Said James, matching Sirius’ dramatic and overdone accept “The only thing that kept me alive was the knowledge that you were off to do the nobel work of Protective and Serving our Dear Remus Lupin!” He caught sight of Remus and grinned widely, letting go of Sirius who fell with a thud to the floor. “And what a fine job he hath done on his mission! The Man lives! Even when aided only with utter incompetence drenched in hair gel! Remus, come and give us a proper hello!” 

Remus allowed James to hug him, only half returning it on his end but he did smile  a bit and say his hellos to both Lily and Peter.

Of course the moment Lily saw him she tutted in disapproval and immediately started to rummage through her backpack. “Godric and Morgana, Remus Lupin! Sirius Black, have you been making sure this boy eats?” She forced a bottle of pumpkin juice and a banana into Remus’ hands before rounding on Sirius with her arms crossed, green eyes narrowed accusingly. 

“It’s not his fault, Lily.” Remus explained, giving Sirius an apologetic look over the girl’s shoulder. “He’s been a proper watchdog, I assure you. It’s just...er…”

Sirius groaned. “I’m completely useless in a Muggle Kitchen, alright? I nearly exploded the mikey-wa-”

“Microwave”

“-The bloody box that makes things hot!” Sirius said defensively, scowling as Peter and Lily didn’t bother to hide their laughter. 

James chuckled and elbowed Sirius playfully. “Let’s be fair Sirius, you’re pretty useless in any kitchen, Muggle or Magic.” 

Sirius made to lunge at him but he was held back when Lily, still laughing at the both of them, grabbed him by the arm and started to lead him out of the room. “Lets go, Black. I’ll at least teach you to make some proper toast.”

Remus sighed, scratching the back of his head anxiously. “Really, Lily, it’s not necessary. I’m not hungr-”

But Lily paid him no mind, already beginning to explain to Sirius that the toaster wasn’t haunted and wouldn’t hurt him at the same time that James produced a small bag from his pocket, the contents of which they were pretty sure would bring Remus’ appetite back at least for a little while.   

Sirius reluctantly lead Lily to the kitchen, showing her where everything was and explaining what had happened the last time he tried to heat something in the microwave. Lily rolled her eyes and shoved him to sit down at the kitchen table while she hurried around the room as if it were her own. 

Sirius just watched her, impressed and amused at how easy it came to her and mildly jealous. “Thanks for your help, Evans.”

Lily paused just as she was cracking an egg into a bowl and looked at him over her shoulder. She looked at him sympathetically for a moment, then gave a small smile. “Of course. Obviously we all know that Remus is having a hard time, that’s to be expected.” She began to whisk the eggs, leaning casually against the counter. “But I’m sure it’s been difficult for you as well, having to watch him go through that and not being able to really do much about it. It must be frustrating.” 

“W-what? No! I want to be here for him-” 

Lily laughed and shook her head. “Of course you do. That’s not what I meant. It’s just that with you putting all of your energy into taking care of him and his dad through this, there hasn’t been anyone here to make sure that you’re alright as well.” 

Sirius frowned, his head tilting in confusion. He hadn’t stopped to think about himself at all over the last few days. It had all been about Remus. Making sure Remus ate and rested and managed to function at least a little bit. Suddenly Sirius felt exhausted and he slumped down in his chair, scrubbing his hands over his face. 

Lily set the bowl on the counter and walked over, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Are you alright, Sirius?” 

Sirius shrugged, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, pushing his hair away from his face. “Yes? I don’t know…” He looked up at her. “Have...have you ever lost someone, Lily?” 

Lily nodded. “Mhmm.” She pulled a chair over and sat in front of him. “I mean, there’s nothing like losing a parent of course. But my Gran died the summer after third year. I was pretty close with her, though, so it definitely hit pretty hard.” 

“What did you do?” 

Lily hummed thoughtfully. “I cried a lot. Then I was angry...I don’t know why exactly, but I was so angry. It didn’t help of course that my sister kept mentioning how much extra time she had gotten to spend with Gran since she wasn’t away at  _ ‘Some Special Freak School’ _ ...then I cried some more. It hurt a lot, you know? Like actual pain in my chest as if someone had just reached in and tore my heart right out...Eventually the pain stopped, though. I still get sad sometimes. I even still cry occasionally, but human beings, whether they are wizards or muggles, are extremely resilient. We learn to live with whatever life throws at us or takes away. Besides,” She smiled wistfully. “The ones that love us never really leave us, do they? You can always find them inside yourself.” 

“It’s just…” Sirius bit his lip. “You said you cried and you got angry and all that..Remus hasn’t cried or yelled or...or anything!” He shoved his fingers through his hair and tugged. “He’s been completely blank. He hardly talks, he only manages to take a bite of whatever food I force him to sit down for and he only sleeps an hour at best if he does at all! I don’t know how to help him and it’s-” 

“Sirius, you are helping him!” Lily insisted. She placed her hands gently on Sirius’, making his loosen his grip on his hair as she brought them down to hold them. “You’re being here for him is more important than you know. Imagine how he’d be if he had to do this alone? You could do nothing but sit at the foot of his bed in complete silence and just knowing you’re here would mean the world to him. And as for the way he’s behaving…” She sighed and shrugged one shoulder. “I mean, are you really all that surprised? Remus isn’t exactly Mr. Expressive on any given day, but he’s probably still in shock and he knows he needs to be able to make it through today in one piece and also be strong for his dad as well.” She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “Eventually he’s going to have to let it out, Sirius. You just need to let him do it as his own pace and  be there for him when he does.”

Sirius huffed a small laugh. “You really are bloody brilliant, Evans.” 

Lily smirked cockily. “I know it.” She stood up briskly and went back to the counter to continue beating the eggs. “Now then, take that bread there and stick it in the toaster.”

Sirius grimaced, but he stood up and joined her at the counter, gingerly picking up the slices of bread and not getting any closer than a full arms length to the blasted muggle contraption that had scared the living shit out of him the first time he tried to use it. 

“Oh don’t be dramatic, Black. It’s just toast. Come on…” 

With Lily’s expert assistance, Sirius was pleased to find that he could actually make something edible without anything catching on fire. They made tea and coffee for everyone and Lily found a tray that, with only a minor charm to enlarge it, could fit all the dishes to be levitated and brought back to Remus’ bedroom. 

“What about Remus’ dad?” Lily asked in a hushed voice as they passed the closed door to Remus’ parents’ bedroom. 

“He’s already at the funeral home, I think. Had some last minute things to get done.” 

As they neared Remus’ room, Lily sniffed at the air and pulled a face. She shot Sirius an accusing look and Sirius shrugged innocently. “What?” 

Lily’s eyes narrowed and she opened the door to a cloud of smoke that came pouring out. She scoffed. “ _ Really? _ At a time like this?” 

James, Peter and Remus, all of whom were sitting cross legged on Remus’ tiny bed with bloodshot eyes and passing around a joint, looked up at her, apathetic to her scolding tone.

James blinked slowly and looked from Remus to Lily. “Well you  _ said _ he had to eat something! We made him hungry!”

“That doesn’t mean get him high, Potter!” 

“Would you stop being such a swot-?” 

“We’re missing school so we can be here to support our friend-” 

“Oh, Evans, did you just say ‘ _ our _ ’? I’m smitten.” 

“ _ You know what I mean _ .” 

Peter cleared his throat. “Er, guys? Perhaps maybe Remus would prefer it if no one fought-” 

Remus shook his head, holding up his hand to stop Peter’s interruption. “No, let them keep going, mate. Bloody entertaining.” He caught Sirius’ eye and smiled. A real Moony smile that made Sirius’ stomach flip and he immediately smiled back and went to join him on the bed, levitating the tray over with him. 

Unable to stop grinning at how much more relaxed Remus seemed, Sirius leaned in and kissed him lovingly. “I made toast and nothing caught fire.” 

Remus chuckled. “I’m very proud. And you didn’t hide under the table again when it popped out?” 

“I wasn’t expecting it to jump like that, alright!?” Sirius huffed and crossed his arms. He nodded to the lit joint between Remus’ fingers. “I reckon that means you’re finally hungry then?” 

Remus half shrugged, bringing the tightly rolled cylinder to his lips and inhaling. He passed it to Sirius on the exhale. “Still not really hungry to be honest. However, seeing as I don’t doubt that the four of you would put me in a full body bind and shove food in my mouth at this point if I don’t eat, this definitely makes it a little easier.” He glanced at the tray. “Tea?” 

Sirius nodded, placing the joint between his lips and reaching across to get the cup of english breakfast tea he had made for his boyfriend. 

Remus smiled fondly at the cup. “You put a cinnamon stick in there.” 

“You like it that way.” 

“You’re very sweet, you know.” Remus said, ducking to kiss the spot behind Sirius’ ear. “Thank you.” 

James and Lily had eventually stopped their arguing once Lily saw Remus accept the plate of food that Sirius gave him and that he finished nearly all of it. The new issue being that they all smelled like pot and Remus was already in his dress slacks and shirt. Lily rolled her eyes at them, taking it upon herself to use every cleaning charm she could think of to get rid of the smell. Next was the pressing matter of two pureblood wizards who were supposed to blend in with all of the Muggles that would be present without proper, formal muggle attire. 

Sirius and James were both standing awkwardly in Remus’ tiny bedroom under Lily’s assessing stare.

Remus groaned and hid his face in his hands. “Whatever. Honestly, you could go in drag for all I care. It’s not like I have anyone to impress. It’s not like I even know any of them properly.” 

“Relax, Remus. It’s going to be just fine.” Lily assured him gently. “I’m sure we can transfigure them into something decent.” 

It took a few tries and everyone saw more of James than they wanted to when his trousers were accidentally vanished (or at least, Lily claimed it had been accidental as she blushed and giggled behind her hand.) but eventually both James and Sirius were standing there in seemingly normal, muggle suits and ties. 

Remus’ mood began to to shift from calm and calculated to anxious as the morning turned to afternoon and the time they had to be at the funeral home drew nearer. He was pacing back and forth in the living room for what felt like hours and nothing that any of them said or did could stop him. 

“Just let him.” Peter advised quietly as they all watched their friend circle the room like a caged animal. “I couldn’t sit still for the life of me at my dad’s funeral. I kept bouncing in the chair.  I thought my Aunt Nettie’s eyes were going to pop right out of her head the way she was staring at me. Let him do what he has to do.” 

When it was time for them to leave James asked about portkeys, floo systems or exactly where they could apparate to and Remus shook his head. “They’re all Muggles, mate. We can’t floo in, we don’t have a portkey and...well, I don’t think I could apparate honestly.” His cheeks tinged slightly pink but he shook it off and shoved his hand in his pocket, taking out a set of jingling keys. “Come on.” 

Remus headed towards the door, but Sirius, James, Lily and Peter stayed frozen in place, staring at the back of his head. Remus looked over his shoulder at them and frowned. “What?” 

“Er...You can  _ drive _ ?” James asked in complete disbelief. “Since when do you know how to drive a muggle car, Moony!?” 

Remus blinked. “Erm...Since summer after fifth. Mum taught me. She said it was a good skill to have even with brooms and other magic transportation.”

“Honestly Potter, it’s not that big of a deal. Most muggles learn to drive once they’re of age.” Lily said flippantly. 

James eyed her suspiciously. “Hold on, Evans. Do  _ you  _ know how to drive?” 

Lily nodded, looking at him as if it should have been obvious. 

“I don’t.” Peter quickly added. “Didn’t have the time to learn or anything. Don’t really have the desire to anyway, so…anyway, don’t we have to go?” 

Remus nodded. “Yes we do. Come on. You do trust my driving ability, don’t you?” He raised an eyebrow at all of them and they nodded.

On the way out the door, James elbowed Sirius sharply. “Oy,” He hissed. “Did you just become like, ten times more attracted to Remus when he said he could drive?” 

Sirius, who still had his jaw slightly dropped in awe, nodded. Then he shot James an uneasy, questioning look. “....are _ you _ more attracted to Remus because he can drive? Because mate, you’re my brother but I will fight you.” 

James rolled his eyes. “Lily, idiot. That is so bloody cool.” 

The funeral itself was a strange experience. He, James, Lily and Peter took their seats right away in the back row while Remus stood with his father at the front of the room by the closed casket. Remus’ face had gone hauntingly blank again as he shook hands with the people who had come to pay their respects. 

Remus had been correct in assuming that there wouldn’t be much of a crowd. Hope had after all cut ties with most of her family and had spent most of the rest of her life dedicated to her son and husband, but there was still a handful of people, friends and acquaintances, that had come to say goodbye and insist to Lyall and Remus that if they should need anything to call on them. Sirius saw Remus fight to hold back an eye roll multiple times. Looking around the room, Sirius tried to spot any familial resemblances in the faces of all these strangers, wondering if any of Hope’s estranged family had decided to show up, but he couldn’t tell. 

Eventually everyone sat down and a man stood in the front of the room at a small podium and spoke in flowery proverbs that Sirius knew Remus would think were utterly corny and impersonal. A few times Lily sniffled and Peter dabbed the corner of his eyes with a tissue but Sirius’ eyes were glued to the back of Remus’ head. Remus looked like he was made of stone, straight backed and unmoving throughout the entire thing. Everyone stood at the end to leave and they waited outside the door until Remus joined them and explained that since Hope wished to be cremated they wouldn’t be continuing on to the ceremony. He seemed somewhat thankful for that and Sirius thought he could understand not wanting to witness someone he loved being put into the ground. The idea made him feel uneasy. 

Sirius was surprised to see a line of cars parked outside Remus’ house when they pulled into the driveway. Remus mumbled something about ‘reception’ and ‘forced small talk’ and ‘more food than anyone bloody needs anyway’ all while his hands still kept a white knuckled grip on the steering wheel and looking like he had no intention on going inside the house. 

They sat in the heavy, awkward silence for so long that when Remus, without any warning whatsoever, finally did unbuckle his seat belt and open the door they all nearly jumped out of their skin, needing an extra moment to catch their breath before they got out and followed him back inside. 

Even though there weren’t that many people, there was enough that it made Remus’ tiny little house feel rather claustrophobic and they were glad to find a corner in the kitchen right by the food to call their own. Remus had been pulled away by some middle aged woman who had left a stain of bright red lipstick on his cheek when she greeted him.

They had pulled the chairs from the kitchen table to their designated corner and they all slumped heavily down into them. 

“Merlin, funerals are exhausting…” Said James, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. “And we didn’t even have to do anything. Poor Remus. As if it’s not enough that you lost someone you care about, but then to have to go through all of this right after? It’s kind of bullshit, don’t you think?” 

Sirius nodded, taking a large gulp from his glass of wine.

“If I go before any of you,” James continued as he took a bite of a dinner roll. “Promise me you won’t have any of this shit. Throw a bloody party for me, you know? Get wasted and tell embarrassing stories about me. Take it to the streets.” 

Sirius barked a laugh. “You want me to get arrested or something? Shit.” 

“I think if I die, the best way to celebrate me would be to do something that could possibly warrant being arrested, sure.” 

“Alright, fine.” Sirius agreed, grinning.

After a while they all started to worry when they hadn’t seen or heard from Remus in a while. 

“I’m just going to check on him.” Sirius said, excusing himself and squeezing through the small crowd of people to search the house. He spotted him a lot easier than he thought he would, standing in the living room talking to -or more likely, be talked to by - an elderly man with a somber looking face. Remus looked as if he were almost staring right through the man, but Sirius could see the muscle in his jaw twitching and his hands were fisted at his sides. Then his eyes spotted Sirius across the room and he blinked and shook himself slightly before he abruptly ended the conversation with the man and crossed the living room in just a few quick strides, grabbing Sirius by the arm and pulling him out of the room and down the hall. Before Sirius could even say a word, he found himself being dragged into the bathroom where Remus locked the door behind them, shoved him against the wall and claimed his mouth in a desperate and frenzied kiss.

Caught completely off guard, Sirius’ brain didn’t have the time to protest or even comprehend what was going on, but his body certainly didn’t mind. Especially not when Remus’ hips ground against his own and he could feel the other boy’s hardness against him. Remus’ hands were everywhere; in his hair, grabbing his hips to pull him tight against him, slipping underneath his dress shirt to pinch and tease his nipples and Sirius moaned, letting his head fall back against the wall.

“Remus…” He sighed blissfully as Remus’ lips latched onto his neck, sucking a bruise into his skin as their bodies rocked against each other with practiced ease. 

“Sirius,” Remus moaned against his skin, his fingers fumbling to undo Sirius’ belt. “Fuck, I need you…” He pressed the heel of his hand against the bulge in Sirius’ trousers and Sirius bucked against him. “Want you so bad, Sirius…” 

His brain finally caught up and, although he really didn’t want to put a stop to this particular situation, Sirius had a feeling this wasn’t proper funeral etiquette. “Remus...Remus, wait. Stop.” 

Remus shook his head. “No, please, Sirius, please...just...just let me-” He squeezed Sirius’ erection again making Sirius whine and then groan in frustration. 

“Moony, we can’t do this here. Not now.” 

Remus let his head drop onto Sirius’ shoulder and he whimpered. “Sirius...I…”

Sirius wrapped his arms around him, stroking his hair. “What, Moons? What is it? Please talk to me, Remus...I just want to help, alright?” 

“I need to feel something, Sirius.” Remus’ voice trembled as he spoke and he pressed himself further against Sirius. “I-I feel so numb a-and empty and I just...please make me feel something.” He kissed his way up Sirius’ neck to his ear. “Please, Sirius.” 

And Merlin, how was he supposed to say no to that? 

Sirius nodded hurriedly before crushing his lips against Remus’ again, his hands dropping down to undo Remus’ trousers and slipping inside to rub and stroke and tease. “Fuck, Moony... There’s no silencing charm.”

“Then be quiet.” Remus replied before dropping to his knees and yanking Sirius’ dress pants down. His hands held Sirius’ hips steady as he mouthed at the hard line of Sirius’ cock through his boxers, maintaining steady eye contact the whole time. He pulled back for a second to inch Sirius’ boxers down just enough to free his erection and licked his lips hungrily before taking the head into his mouth. 

Sirius leaned heavily against the wall for support, biting down on one fist to keep from moaning as Remus’ warm mouth engulfed him and using the other hand to tangle his fingers in Remus’ hair and gently guide his head up and down his length. 

Remus moaned around him, then released him with a wet ‘pop’, gazing up at him with lust filled eyes, lips red and wet and swollen. “I want you to fuck me, Sirius.” He licked a broad stripe up the underside of Sirius’ prick from base to tip. “Need you inside me...please…” 

It took every ounce of self control Sirius had not to just come right on the spot and he actually felt his knees go weak and his head spun. Swallowing hard, he squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. “Yeah.  _ Fuck _ , yes, Moony…” 

Remus stood and pulled Sirius into a deep kiss, shoving his own pants down hurriedly and grinding their erections against each other. 

Sirius groaned, nipping at Remus’ bottom lip and reaching to grope his arse. “How do you want-?” 

With some difficulty, Remus broke away from the kiss to look around the small bathroom. He kicked his trousers off the rest of the way and hopped up onto the counter, pulling Sirius to stand between his legs and wasting not a second before their mouths were locked together again. 

The position wasn’t the most comfortable and there was some fumbling about before they managed to get it right and in all of the desperation and intensity Sirius’ wandless lubrication charm ended up making a bit of a mess, but Remus didn’t seem to mind at all once Sirius was fully inside him. 

It was quick and hard and frantic and the clung to each other as Sirius pounded into him without abandon. Remus panted and moaned, kissing and licking Sirius’ neck, gasping out “ _ Yes! Fuck! Sirius! _ ” against his skin, his legs wrapped tightly around Sirius’ hips trying to take him closer and deeper as if he just wanted their bodies to fuse together and become one. Knowing he wouldn’t last much longer, Sirius slid his hand between their bodies, wrapping his fingers around Remus’ prick, stroking and pulling and whispering “That’s it, Remus. Come for me...come on...Fuck, Moony…” in his ear until finally he felt him go rigid in his arms. Remus’ nails dug into his back and his teeth sunk into the junction of his neck and shoulder and Sirius could feel the rumbling growl in Remus’ chest as he spilled hot and hard over Sirius’ fist, bringing Sirius right to the edge with him. Sirius buried his face in Remus’ neck to muffle the cry that he couldn’t hold back as his hips stuttered and he came deep inside the other boy.

They stayed clinging to each other, gasping to catch their breath and waiting for their hearts to stop pounding. With a groan, Remus slid off the counter, nearly falling when his knees gave out but Sirius caught him and steadied him. 

“Alright?” 

Remus nodded, running a hand through his hair and looking around for his trousers. “Yeah...fuck, I didn’t think this through. Our wands are in the bedroom. Have to clean the muggle way, at least for now.” 

They both made a face, but there was no helping it now. They cleaned and redressed, trying to make themselves look as presentable as possible. Remus was fixing Sirius’ tie, his eyes downcast and his cheek pink. Sirius placed his fingers under his chin to tilt his head up, pressing a soft kiss to his lips and Remus smiled sadly, resting their foreheads together. 

“I love you…” He said quietly. “So fucking much.” 

-

Hours after the house had finally emptied out, Sirius, James, Peter and Lily had helped Remus and his father clean up. Lily pestered them both to be sure they had eaten and had made another pot of tea as everything wound down. Then it was time for them to get back to the school, along with Sirius, as was the deal they had made with Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall. Remus knew he should be grateful that his friends had been able to be there for him at all and especially that Sirius had been given permission to stay for as long as he had, but it didn’t make saying goodbye any easier, even if it would only be another two days before he returned to school with them.

Remus had kept himself to his bedroom for most of the following day and Lyall, likewise, hadn’t really left his study, both of them only emerging to head to the kitchen and pick at leftovers or use the restroom. They didn’t say much to each other. They didn’t know what there was to be said.

That night Remus stood outside the door to his dad’s study with a war raging inside his head. There was a question he had to ask and an answer he deserved to know and perhaps right now, in the midst of all that had happened, was not the right time for it but Remus wasn’t sure there would ever be a right time. 

Clenching a torn out article from the Daily Prophet in one hand, he slowly raised the other and knocked on the door. “Dad?” 

There was a brief pause and then “Remus? Come in…” 

Remus took a deep breath and opened the door, stepping into the room and closing it softly behind him. Lyall was sitting at his desk, clearly trying to keep himself busy but he looked up when Remus entered, eyes concerned. 

“Are you alright, Remus? Sorry, I...I know I’ve been a little distant. I should probably be comforting you more, or...I just don’t really know how-” 

Remus shook his head. “No. No, it’s fine. It’s good actually. I...I sort of have the same sort of coping style, I think.” He laughed nervously. “Er...I had something I wanted to talk to you about. It’s sort of important…” 

Lyall frowned, but he rubbed at his tired eyes and motioned for Remus to come closer. “What’s on your mind, son?” 

Remus chewed on his bottom lip. He had phrased and rephrased the question a million times in his head and nothing sounded right. There was no way to do it but to just say it outright. He was an adult and this was his life and he deserved to know the truth. “Who is Fenrir Greyback?” 

Lyall’s face went white and Remus’ heightened senses could hear his heart rate speed up as he stared, jaw dropped at his son. “R-Remus…” 

“Tell me the truth, Dad.” Remus demanded, his voice soft but stern and leaving no room for arguing. He wasn’t going to back down. He threw the article from the prophet down onto the desk in front of his father and watched the older man flinch when he saw the face of the monster they both knew was responsible for all of the pain and suffering their family had gone through. “I already know the truth. I want to hear it from you.” 

Lyall closed his eyes and sighed. “Remus, you have to understand-” 

“I’M TRYING TO UNDERSTAND!” Remus snapped, slamming both hands down on the desk. “I’M TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHY I AM THE WAY THAT I AM AND YOU KNOW! I KNOW YOU DO! I WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH, DAD! I DESERVE TO KNOW THE TRUTH! MUM WANTED ME TO KNOW!” Anger, along with every other emotion that he had kept inside for the entire week, surged through him and the lights in the room flickered dangerously. Remus took a another deep breath and clenched his jaw. “Who is he? And why was he after  _ me _ ?” 

In all the years since Remus had been bitten and through all of the full moons and the mornings that followed where his father would bandage him up and assess the damage he was capable of, how truly dangerous his son was, Remus had never seen his father look more afraid of him than he did just then. 

“Remus...sit down.” Lyall said shakily, running a hand through his graying hair.

Remus hesitated, but he slowly sank down into the chair across from his father. 

“You’re right, son. You deserve the truth, and I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry for everything that you’ve had to deal with in your life...And I’ll tell you.” He sighed. “I just want you to understand first, that...that there are lies we tell our children sometimes, not because they don’t deserve to  _ know _ the truth, but because the truth was something they never deserved. I only ever wanted to protect you, Remus.”

Remus nodded. “I...I understand, dad. I do. But it’s time...you can’t protect me anymore. I’m not a child.” 

Lyall shook his head. “You’ll always be my child and I’ll always try to protect you...but you’re right. It is time…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeee sorry to leave the chapter off like this. But we'll be getting Lyall's side of the story in the next one!!


	94. The Life and Lies of Lyall Lupin - Year Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick Trigger Warning: There's a flashback to the night Remus was bitten and there a lot of blood.

“You’re right, son. You deserve the truth, and I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry for everything that you’ve had to deal with in your life...And I’ll tell you.” He sighed. “I just want you to understand first, that...that there are lies we tell our children sometimes, not because they don’t deserve to know the truth, but because the truth was something they never deserved. I only ever wanted to protect you, Remus.”

Remus nodded. “I...I understand, dad. I do. But it’s time...you can’t protect me anymore. I’m not a child.”

Lyall shook his head. “You’ll always be my child and I’ll always try to protect you...but you’re right. It is time…” 

Remus’ heart pounded in his ears as he watched his father scrub his hands over his exhausted face and take a shuddering breath, preparing to tell a story he had fought for so long to hide or perhaps he had even tried to forget. Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Yes, he wanted to hear this. He needed to know it, but at the same time he wasn’t sure just how much more heartache and pain both he and his father could endure in such a short amount of time. It had to be done, though. 

“I’m sure, “ Lyall began slowly, meticulously choosing his words as he spoke. “That you remember very little from life before that day. You were very young, obviously, but you were quite a sharp kid even back then and I’m sure you remember what it was I did for work back in those days,” 

Remus nodded. “You worked for the Ministry. Something to do with magical creatures, I expect. I used to read through all of your books about them.”

“Yes.” Said Lyall, a sad and tired smile ghosting across his face. “I worked in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. I had been called upon specifically by the Ministry to take the position due to my well known knowledge on Non Human and Spirituous Apparitions and my success in vanishing all sorts of dark matter. They wanted me because there had been some trouble. This was back when this war was really just beginning to pick up. There had been an uprising in magical creatures and it seemed as though they were starting to pick sides, or they were being recruited at least and not by the good side.” He paused for a moment, opening a drawer in his desk to retrieve a  a pair of gold, wire rimmed, rectangular reading glasses which he carefully placed on his face, then he picked up the clipping from the prophet that Remus had thrown in front of him. He sighed and shook his head. “This right here,” He said, pointing to a part of the article. “ _ ‘Multiple Disappearances of both muggle and magical children from 1959 to 1962 _ .’ That was a case we were working on at the time and we had brought several suspects in for questioning, including this man - Fenrir Greyback - after he was found associating with a pack of werewolves.” 

**_-January, 1965 - The Headquarters of the Ministry of Magic-_ **

**_Lyall Lupin’s head was still burried in paperwork detailing his recent success of ridding a small Muggle town of a particularly troublesome Boggart that had come to be known as the Screaming Bogey of Strathtully by trapping it inside of an ordinary Matchbox._ **

**_He smiled to himself as he recalled the look of fascination on his young son’s face when he had come home that very night and told the boy all about it. For just short of five years old, Remus had developed quite an interest in Lyall’s work and the strange and mysterious creatures it often involved. He was spectacularly bright for such a young age and Lyall was constantly impressed with just how fearless his son seemed to be when hearing about these beasts that most adult wizards shuddered to think about._ **

**_A knock on his office door shook his from his thoughts and he looked up just in time for the door to open just enough for his boss to pop his head inside._ **

**_“Still here, Lupin?” The older man smiled warmly at him. “You were scheduled to be of an hour ago.”_ **

**_Lyall grinned and shrugged his shoulders. He looked pointedly down at the stack of papers on his desk. “Just finishing up on that Strathtully case, Mr. Scamander.”_ **

**_Scamander let the door open the rest of the way and he leaned against the doorframe in the most casual way possible for the usually awkward and highly energized man. Lyall always found it amusing that a man like Newt Scamander, a renowned genius and the world authority on magical creatures, was so utterly out of place when it came to most human interaction. He was a very kind man, though, and Lyall had the utmost respect for him and was pleased beyond his wildest dreams to be working so closely with him._ **

**_“Paperwork’s not nearly as important as getting home to you wife and kid, I’m sure.” Said Newt. “Really, Lyall, I can’t thank you enough for the way you handled the situation at all. Inspired, really, catching that Boggart in a matchbox, and safely at that.”_ **

**_Lyall beamed, feeling his face grow warm at the compliment. “I appreciate that.”_ **

**_Newt nodded, his eyes focusing on something in the corner of the room rather than Lyall, which Lyall had become used to after spending enough time with the man. Then Newt bit his bottom lip. “Actually, since I’ve got you here, I’ve been meaning to let you know you’ve been added to the questioning committee for the suspects in those missing children cases…”_ **

**_Lyall frowned. “That’s not really our department, is it?”_ **

**_Newt made an odd face and shifted uncomfortably. “Well, you see it seems this chap’s pretty friendly with a pack of werewolves just outside of Bibury.”_ **

**_Lyall shuddered. He was all too aware that the Ministry had been conducting a search for a pack of rogue werewolves, and the location was just a little too close to where he and his wife and son lived. “Yes, alright, sure. When’s the hearing?”_ **

**_“It’s tomorrow afternoon. Sorry for the short notice, Lyall.”_ **

**_Lyall waved it off dismissively. “No, no, that’s quite alright. I know you’ve got your hands full.”_ **

**_Newt smiled brightly again. “Thanks again, Lyall. Say hello to Hope and your boy for me.”_ **

**_“I will.”_ **

**_-_ **

“Wait.” Remus interrupted. “I thought Scamander started the mandatory Werewolf Registration back in 1947. If this happened in 1965, wouldn’t they have Greyback on their records already?” 

Lyall grimaced and shook his head. “Remus, there was so much happening back then, so much going on and the Registry itself had caused so much controversy-”  Remus snorted and rolled his eyes at that, but Lyall ignored it. “-unfortunately it wasn’t very well maintained. There were people being bitten and turned all the time and no way to keep track of the newly turned to make them register themselves. He had been slipping just under the radar for years up until then.” 

Remus stared hard at the desk in front of him, the wheels in his head were turning, trying to make sense of everything he had heard so far. “Alright…So then what about the hearing? He was found guilty, wasn’t he?” 

“No.” 

Remus’s eyes shot back up to his father’s face and he gasped. “What-? But then-?”

“Our first question to him was about the company we had found him keeping and the fact that they were Werewolves. We asked him if he himself was a werewolf who had managed to dodge the Ministry’s Registration laws…” 

**_The filthy, beastly looking man, bound at the wrists by magical shackles in the center of the room, gave a grizzly grin at the accusation, flashing a set of teeth much sharper than that of any human. “No, your honor.” He answered seamlessly, though there was the rumbling of a growl in his voice. “I’m nothing but an ordinary street tramp. Just got myself mixed up with the wrong crowd, it seems.”_ **

**_Lyall scoffed in his seat among the questioning committee. Surely his peers did not believe that this monster before them was a common muggle living on the streets who just happened to come across a pack of dangerous werewolves in the wrong place at the wrong time._ **

 

**_Yet that was exactly what they believed. Every single one of them except for himself were prepared to accept this lie, obliviate the “muggle” and send him on his way._ **

**_“Your honor, if I could give my own professional opinion.” Lyall found himself saying. He had never been a very outspoken man himself, but he couldn’t just let this go without voicing his concerns. Not when the pack the man had been spotted with had been so very close to his own home and his family. What if the next child to go missing was Remus?_ **

**_The Minister, Millicent Bagnold, raised both of her eyebrows at him, but she nodded. “Yes, Mr. Lupin?”_ **

**_Suddenly anxious, Lyall swallowed hard and cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, Madam Minister, but how can we be so sure that this man is not a werewolf himself?”_ **

**_The rest of the committee whispered among themselves. Some groaned, clearly wanting to be done with this and return home to their families._ **

**_Lyall ignored them and continued. “I’ve been studying dark creatures for most of my adult life. I’m one of the front runners of my field and I can tell you that this man is no average muggle.”_ **

**_The man in question snapped his head around to face Lyall, his eyes - which were far too bright and yellow around the rims- glaring like daggers at him. Lyall tried not to let it intimidate him into backing out of his argument._ **

**_The Minister herself seemed to mull over Lyall’s objection and she tapped at her cheek thoughtfully. “And how would you suggest we prove this, Mr. Lupin?”_ **

**_Lyall blinked, his mouth hanging open slightly as he tried to think of something quickly. The idea hit him. “The full moon is tomorrow night, isn’t it? I suggest we keep him detained here, in a secured area of course. If he’s truly not a werewolf, he won’t transform. Simple as that.”_ **

**_The committee broke out into an uproar._ **

**_“For Salazar’s Sake, Lupin! As if we haven’t enough on our plates right now-”_ **

**_“We can’t waste precious resources and time just for some theory-”_ **

**_“-Obviously just some muggle scoundrel-”_ **

**_“We’ve got more important things to do than watch some man in a cage all bloody night-”_ **

**_Angered by his peers’ refusal to see what was so obviously in front of them, Lyall felt the last of his reserve slip. He slammed his fist down and stood. “This is completely ridiculous! So we’re just going to let him go on nothing but his own bloody word? Well that’s bloody wonderful, but who knows where he and the rest of the filthy, soulless beasts in his pack will strike next? What if it’s one of your own children that goes missing next, eh? The registry is shit! Evil Creatures like that deserve nothing but death.”_ **

**_“Mr. Lupin, that is enough!” The Minister shouted over the loud, outraged chattering in the room. She frowned disapprovingly at him. Greyback’s eyes were glued to him, wide and bright and threatening and his teeth were bared. No one but Lyall seemed to be paying him much attention though. The Minister shook her head. “I’m sorry, Lyall, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave the courtroom immediately.”_ **

Lyall eyed his son warily from across the desk. Remus’ expression remained unmoving, his brow furrowed and his eyes downcast as he continued to let his father’s story settle in his mind. 

“They let him go after that.” Lyall’s voice broke slightly as he came to the conclusion of his tale. “And right as they were going to wipe his memory, still believing he was a muggle, he escaped and ran off with two accomplices. They never caught them.” 

Neither Lyall nor Remus said anything for a long time. The room was deafeningly quiet except for the ticking of the clock on the wall. 

Finally Remus spoke. “‘ _ Soulless, evil creatures that deserve nothing but death _ ’” He repeated quietly. 

“Remus,” Lyall said softly, trying to reason with him. “I...I didn’t know back then. No one knew any better in those days. You’ve read the available texts on Lycanthropy, even things that have been written in the last decade don’t paint Werewolves in a good light.” 

“It doesn’t matter!” Remus spat angrily. “It doesn’t matter if that’s what you believed or what everyone believed! You still said it, out loud in front of everyone and in front of someone that you knew was a dangerous werewolf! Of course he’d want to come after you after hearing you say that!”

“I wasn’t thinking about that, Remus! I wanted the committee to see what I saw, they all thought the same thing about Werewolves that I did they just didn’t think he was one!” 

Frustrated and completely in sync, both men ran a hand through their mussed curled and slumped in their seats. Remus was angry, visibly shaking and Lyall couldn’t blame him for that.

“When Greyback escaped, I did worry that he would come after me for the things that I had said.” Lyall’s voice shook from the memory. “I was young and foolish enough to believe that if he did come after me, I could fight him off like I had so many other dark creatures. I didn’t think he would attack the way he did...I didn’t know his target was my greatest weakness.” 

**_A piercing scream rang throughout the house, no more than one hour after Lyall had put his son to bed._ **

**_Leaping out of his own bed, Lyall grabbed his wand and ordered Hope to stay in their bedroom no matter what she heard and he ran from his room, down the hall to his son’s and kicked the door down. The sight that greeted him would forever haunt his dreams and ultimately would change his life and the lives of his family forever; The window wide open, blood soaking through his son’s bedding and the carpet, a massive wolf with its teeth sunken deep into his child who had gone completely limp beneath the animal._ **

**_Without thinking, Lyall raised his wand and shot out every curse he had ever learned. He would never remember what the final, powerful one was that had managed to drive the beast away, but he would always remember dropping to his knees on the blood soaked floor in front of his four year old son’s lifeless body and believing that the boy was dead._ **

**_Desperately he searched the boy for a pulse and cried out when finally he felt a dull, but steady heartbeat._ **

**_“REMUS!” Hope screamed from the doorway, not being able to sit and hide while her husband and son may be in danger. She stumbled into the room, looking horrified at her husband cradling the pale and bloody body of their son. “Remus! No. No. Lyall, he’s not...he...please, is he-!?”_ **

**_“He’s alive.” Said Lyall. “Barely. Hope, go get some clean towels-”_ **

**_“Shouldn’t we bring him to see your doctors? Haven’t you got a Hospital?”_ **

**_“No.” Lyall shook his head, already starting to perform healing spells on the boy in his arms. “No hospitals. No healers. He’s...Oh, Merlin, Hope, he was bitten by a werewolf.”_ **

**_“But-”_ **

**_“Hope, go get them now!”_ **

**_He heard his wife hurry away. With great care, he stood up, holding Remus carefully against him and carrying him into the bathroom where he laid him on the counter and continued to use every bit of healing magic he knew._ **

**_“Will he live?” Hope asked weakly, standing in the doorway of the bathroom with her arms full of fresh towels and linens as well as_ **

**_Lyall looked down and the broken boy on the counter. He had managed to stop his son from bleeding out and yes, his heart continued to beat, but Lyall wasn’t sure that that meant his son, his Remus, wasn’t dead. The body laid out before him was no longer that of a boy, but that of a cursed, dangerous creature. His son was just shy of his fifth birthday, and now he was a werewolf._ **

**_“I still think we should take him to a Hospital.” Hope repeated for the fifth time, hours later as she sat on the edge of the bed, which was now clean and showed no sign of the blood that had covered the room before. She gently stroked her sleeping son’s hair._ **

**_Again, Lyall refused. “We can’t. They’ll take him from us.”_ **

**_“What?!”_ **

**_“He’s been infected. They’ll keep him for months to observe his behavior, see if he can even be released back into the world at all. If they deem him too dangerous and unable to be rehabilitated they’ll…” He trailed off and shook himself, not wanting to finish that sentence._ ** _ They’ll put him down _ **_._ **

**_Hope choked back a sob and shook her head. “No. Not my boy.” She said firmly. “Not my Remus. He...He could never be dangerous, Lyall. You know that!”_ **

**_“We don’t know that, Hope. We won’t know anything until he wakes up. For all we know, he may not be anything like our son anymore.”_ **

**_“Of course he’s still our son!” Hope shouted, looking at Lyall with hurt and disbelief._ **

**_Lyall sighed tiredly, leaning against the doorframe to keep himself from just collapsing onto the floor. “I...I really want to believe that, love. I do. But-”_ **

**_“He’s stronger than this, Lyall. I know he is.” Hope insisted, not taking her eyes off of her son._ **

**_Lyall didn’t say anything. He just stared at the tiny, pale boy all bandaged up and broken lying in the bed. He was too young. He was too small, no matter how strong he may be, to withstand the violent transformations month after month._ **

**_“He’s still my baby…” Hope whispered tearfully, leaning in to kiss Remus’ forehead. “He’s going to be okay.”_ **

**_Lyall didn’t have it in him to argue with his wife any further. His wife was a muggle and she didn’t know about dark creatures and the cursed magic that now infected their boy. She saw the same, human child lying before her that he had been when she picked out his pajamas earlier that evening and kissed him goodnight. She didn’t know that he had been changed, magically. Yes, she knew what a werewolf was and she knew what happened during a full moon, but she didn’t know what Lyall knew - or what he thought he knew. She didn’t know that once bitten, a werewolf, no matter what phase the moon was in, was…_ **

_ A soulless, evil beast _ **_…_ **

**_As it turned out, it had been Lyall who had been wrong._ **

**_Remus made a full recovery after a few short days and once he did, it was plain to see that he was still the same sweet, funny, intelligent child he always had been._ **

**_There were subtle differences, of course. His eyes, which had been the same deep chocolate color as his mother’s, were now a bright amber with an animalistic glow that was just slightly unsettling to see on a human child’s face. He complained at dinner if his meat was cooked for too long, and sometimes if it was cooked at all and Hope caught him sneaking bits of raw chopped meat to snack on so many times she had to put a child lock on the icebox. His reflexes had gotten much quicker and he had inhumanly strong senses of smell and hearing and although he had always been and still usually remained a calm, mild mannered child, he did tend to get cranky and fussy around certain times of the month._ **

**_But he was still Remus._ **

**_He was still their son._ **

**_He always would be._ **

Again Remus did not respond right away. There were a few times that he seemed as though he may say something, but he wouldn’t. 

“What would you have done?” Remus asked softly. “If I had behaved differently than I did. Would you have surrendered me to the Ministry for observation? Let them decide if I would be safe to release? Or would you have done me in yourself? Can’t imagine it would have been good for one of the heads of the Department for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures to turn their own son in...probably easier to just take me out back and-” 

“Remus John Lupin, don’t you ever speak to me like that again, do you understand?” Lyall’s voice was gentle but unshakably firm and it stopped Remus in his tracks. His mouth snapped closed and he looked away from his father, clearly ashamed. Lyall shook his head. “I don’t know what we would have done and it doesn’t matter because that’s not what happened. You were our son, with or without the curse you were and still are our child and there was never a single day that went by that I would have changed anything about you. I only wished I could take that damn curse away from you because it wasn’t  _ yours _ . It was mine. It should have been me. You didn’t deserve any of this, Remus, and it’s entirely my fault and I’m so sorry for that and for taking so long to tell you the truth. I...Merlin, Remus, I was just so afraid of losing you. I thought if you knew...though I suppose I don’t blame you if you do hate me for it.” 

“I promised mum I wouldn’t.” Remus said, his voice flat and void of any emotion. Then he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. “And...I don’t. Not just because of her.” 

Lyall let out a breath of relief. “That...that makes me very happy, Remus. Thank you.” 

“I’m still…” Remus hesitated, trying to figure out the right word, the right emotion. “I...I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m feeling, really. I just-” 

“You don’t have to know how you feel about any of this. To this day I don’t know how I feel about all of it. Just know that you’re allowed to be angry, Remus. About all of it, about what I did about all the lies and the things I’ve kept from you. If you need to be angry, don’t hold that in or it will eat away at you.” 

Remus nodded, considering. Perhaps he would be angry eventually, once he gave himself a moment to feel anything at all and the aftershock of everything that had happened in the last few days worse off. Maybe he would want to scream and yell and throw things the way that Sirius used to when he would get angry at his parents. Right now though, he wasn’t even so sure he remembered how to feel anything. He was tired. Moreso even than after a full moon. “Thank you for telling me, dad.” He said quietly. He pushed the chair back and stood.

“Of course.” Lyall replied, standing as well.

“I’m going to bed.” Said Remus. “But I…” He cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly. “I do love you, dad...just...so you know.” 

“I’m really glad to hear it, Remus.” 

Remus returned to Hogwarts late the following night. As eager as he had been to get out of his house where he was surrounded by the constant reminder that his mother was gone and all he could think about was what his father had told him, he also wanted to avoid being bombarded by sympathetic classmates. 

He was relieved to see that no one was in the common room when he got there and the burning embers in the fireplace meant that everyone had gone up to bed some time ago. He climbed up the stairs to the seventh years boy’s dormitory which now felt even more like a safe haven than ever before. 

James’ bed was empty, Remus assumed because of Head Boy duties. The curtains were closed around Peter’s and Remus could hear him snoring, deeply asleep. Sirius’ bed was empty and still neatly made, but the curtains around his own bed were drawn, which could only mean…

He made his way slowly over to his bed and pulled the curtain back. There was no beautiful, dark haired boy asleep in his bed as he had thought there would be, but there was a rather large, familiarly shaped lump under his covers and that lump shifted slightly, sensing his presence when he sat down on the edge of the bed. Then a wet, black nose peeked out, twitching as it sniffed him out. Remus shut the curtains, then peeled back the blanket to reveal the shaggy black dog beneath.

“Hi Padfoot.” 

The dog stretched, shook out his fur and sat up, cocking his head to the side, stormy gray eyes full of concern. Remus’ chest tightened and he scratched behind Padfoot’s ear, forcing a laugh. “Y-you silly mut.” He sniffled. “You’ll get dog hair a-all over the…” He choked on his words, throat contracting and his vision blurring with sudden wetness. He sniffled again and Padfoot shifted closer, resting his giant head on Remus’ shoulder. With a violent shudder, Remus collapsed against the dog, throwing his arms around him, fingers clutching at his thick fur. He burried his face in the soft fur of his neck and finally let out a long, anguished cry.

Remus couldn’t remember the last time he had really cried. He couldn’t recall a time when he had sobbed so hard that his whole body shook and his chest hurt. He just never liked to let anyone see him cry. He never wanted to upset anyone, his parents, his friends...and maybe if it had been Sirius in human form waiting in his bed, it wouldn’t have happened but something about the dog just broke whatever wall Remus had so carefully built. 

Tears were soaking Padfoot’s fur, but the dog sat dutifully still and silent for an amount of time that Remus wasn’t entirely sure of. It could have been minutes or hours before it finally stopped and Remus thought he must not have any tears left at all. When the sobbing turned into shuddering breaths, Padfoot pulled away just enough to lick the salt from his face and eventually both Remus and Padfoot laid down and Remus, his fingers still buried in Padfoot’s fur, fell asleep. 

In the morning he woke up tangled in gangly 18 year old boy limbs and a mouth full of his boyfriend’s hair as per usual. He grumbled, rolling over and muttering something about how Sirius should remember to tie it back before bed and Sirius, still half asleep, suggested something rude in response but he shuffled up closer, throwing an arm over Remus’ waist and spooning him from behind. He nuzzled the back of Remus neck and began to snore gently again.

As Remus began to doze back off himself, he realized that he did feel a lot better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise cameo appearance from Newt Scamander! A little research told me that Newt was in fact still working in the same Department as Lyall at that time :)


	95. Stubbornly Yours - Year Seven*

“I will not be your bloody kept boy, Sirius.” Remus growled, scowling as he climbed through the portrait hole into the common room. He was quickly followed by his boyfriend who seemed to be quite out of breath and bordering between desperate and frustrated, himself. 

“Would you stop being such a bloody prat about this?” Sirius nearly tripped over the hole, hurrying to catch up. “That isn’t what you would be and you know it! For fuck sake, Moony, I’ve quite enough to cover the whole bloody place myself, let alone with Jim and Pete paying their way as well! What’s the big deal?” 

The whole common room ignored them despite their disruptive entrance for the most part, most occupants of Gryffindor tower having grown used to this near Daily argument between the two boys. Still, everyone did pay just a little attention to how the fight had progressed over the last few weeks, as some had begun to place various bets. 

Remus spun around, towering over Sirius and baring his teeth. “The big deal?! Merlin, why can’t you get it through your thick skull? Maybe money means nothing to you and James and maybe you’ve got both got enough pride between you that you don’t understand, but I don’t want to be yours and James’ charity case for the rest of my life just because-” 

“‘Charity case’?!” Sirius repeated, appalled at the accusation. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Remus. You’re too  _ proud  _ to move in with your fucking boyfriend?” 

Now it was getting good. Students hushed their conversations and lowered their books just enough to see over them tops of the pages. Marlene and Dorcas whispered about upping their bets on the outcome of this particular exchange. 

“That has nothing to do with it and you know it!” Remus hissed, suddenly remembering that they were very loudly arguing in a very crowded area. His eyes darted around the room before he took a threatening step closer to Sirius, who only crossed his arms and lifted his chin in that haughty, defiant way that only he could ever pull off. Remus growled again, his teeth clenched the muscle in his jaw twitching as if he was trying very hard to hold something back. “I’m not getting into this argument here, Sirius. This discussion is over. My answer is still no.” 

With that, he turned on his heel and marched up to the dorm leaving Sirius behind to kick at the floor angrily with his boot  and storm off back out the portrait hole, digging into his pocket for his cigarettes. 

Half of the common room groaned. Dorcas and Mary handed Marlene three galleons each.

“I really thought Sirius would wear him down to a yes by now.” Mary sighed.

Peter was collecting his own five galleons from James, who had bet that regardless of the outcome, they would probably end up locking themselves in the dorm to shag each other, angrily, until they were too tired to keep fighting. He shook his head. “Remus is a lot more stubborn than you think.”

“The problem is, so is Sirius.” James agreed. “And he should be. Remus is being an absolute twat about this whole thing. Everyone knows he’ll eventually come around. If only because those two can’t go a bloody day without defiling each other. Randy mutts.” He turned his focus back to the chess game in front of him.

Lily perched herself on the arm of the chair that James was sitting in. “You lot have a flat to move into after graduation?” She asked with a slight frown. 

“Hmmm…” James scratched his chin thoughtfully, still staring down at the game board. “Rook to C4….Hmm?” He blinked up at Lily. “Oh. Er, yeah. Sirius’ great uncle left home a load of money when he kicked it, so he bought a place for all of us to split.” He grinned and wagged his eyebrows at her. “Sort of like a bachelor pad.” 

Lily snorted and rolled her eyes. “More like a Hell House if you ask me.” She smirked at him teasingly, watching his little chess piece glide across the board and practically annihilate Peter’s poor little one. “You didn’t tell me that.” 

“Rotten luck Pete,” James chuckled triumphantly after Peter put his knight into a particularly dangerous position. He glanced up at Lily. “Er, Sorry? I just...I don’t know, it didn’t seem so important for you to know, I suppose. Er...was I supposed to tell you?”

Lily stiffened, her eyed widening just a bit and she shook her head. “No, no.” She said quickly. Perhaps a little too quickly. “Don’t be silly Potter. You don’t need to tell me your plans for after Graduation. Don’t be absurd. I was simply curious.” She stood up, straightening out her skirt. “Anyway, I’ve just realized I left something upstairs in the dorm.” She picked up her school bag and darted start up to the girls’ dormitory. 

It was early March and this thing with her and Potter had been going on for nearly three whole Months. She didn’t really know what to call it. They hadn’t really made it officially official. They just had begun to really spend a lot of their time together. 

But that was normal. They were Head Boy and Girl after all. They had a lot of work they had to do and they did their rounds together, so of course they were spending more time…

They did wind up stealing kisses behind tapestries during rounds a lot lately, and once last week James had pulled her into a strange tunnel that she had never seen before -which appeared after James shook the hand of a suit of armor  and it stepped politely out of the way- and they spent a decent half an hour of their free period snogging in there. Lily had actually let him grab at her arse under her skirt, much to her own surprise. But only because he had sounded so nervous when he asked if he could and she didn’t want to embarrass the poor thing, not because she wanted to know what it was like to have his large, warm, calloused hand on her bare skin-  _ Damn, it Lily _ ! 

She groaned and flopped down onto her bed. 

She shouldn’t care that James had not thought to mention his plans for after school to her. It wasn’t like James Potter was her boyfriend. 

They had only been on that one date before Christmas, after all. 

Those little trysts hidden in secret places around the castle didn’t count. 

Did they? 

And honestly, It wasn’t like she herself wanted to live with James Potter after school, even if they were dating.

Not right away.

Not even if James Potter was her boyfriend. 

Her boyfriend, James Potter. 

If she was James’ Potter’s girlfriend. 

Damn it, why wasn’t the thought of that making her gag?

_ Because he’s a kind and decent person and you actually think he’s quite funny and a surprisingly good kisser _ . Lily huffed and threw an arm dramatically over her eyes. She heard the dorm room door open and close but she didn’t react, preferring to remain in her pouty, lovestruck state. 

“Oh Lily-dear!” Marlene called out in a teasingly sing-song voice that made Lily roll her eyes underneath the weight of her forearm. The chiming sound of Marlene giggling followed, and then the mattress jolted as the other girl bounced onto the bed beside her. “Ah, there you are, darling. We were starting to worry. When you said you had forgotten something up in the dorm, everyone assumed you meant a quill or your favorite cherry lip balm.” Lily peeked out from under her arm. Marlene was sitting cross legged on the bed with a massive grin on her pretty face. “I’m not so easily fooled though, I knew straight away that you had forgotten your ability to mask your love for one James Potter.” She feigned a concerned expression and raised her hand flat above her eyes, pretending to look around the room. “Hmmm….Have you found it, yet?” 

Lily groaned and grabbed her pillow, thwacking her best friend with it and causing the blonde to fall onto her back with a soft ‘ _ oof _ !’ 

“Stop being such a twat, Marly.” Lily sighed, flipping onto her stomach and busying herself with picking at the dead ends of her hair.

Marlene snorted, lying on her side with her head propped on her hand. “‘You are what you eat’ and all that.” She smirked when Lily pulled a disgusted face. “Sorry, love. Now then, care to tell me why you’re up here pouting those pretty lips instead of finding a nice secluded area to snog your Quidditch Hunk boyfriend with them?” 

“James Potter is not my boyfriend, Marlene.” 

“Oh please, Evans. You two spend nearly every moment together these days even when you aren’t doing swotty Head Student bullocks. In fact, you’re spending so much time with him, I think I it’s starting to give Sirius an abandonment complex-” 

Lily laughed incredulously. “What! That’s not true-!”

“It is!” Insisted Marlene. “Just the other day in the common room, Black and Potter were...well...they were doing whatever it is they do, huddled together and whispering, probably plotting something mildly inconvenient and annoying for the rest of us, anyway, you came ‘round and called Potter over and the two of you went off on your own - don’t have to guess what you were up to, you naughty thing - and poor Sirius looked like a kicked puppy.” She did her best impression of Sirius’ wounded look; her blue eyes drooping sadly and her glossy pink lips pouting.

Lily frowned and tilted her head. “Hmm...that’s actually a good impression.” 

Marlene grinned. “Thanks, I’ve been practicing mocking him. Sends him ‘round the bend. His face gets all red and he starts acting all haughty and trying to pretend he isn’t just a giant soft mush.” She cackled with devilish glee for a moment, then sobered and focused again on Lily. “But that’s not the point. Lily, you’ve been having your little... _ thing _ , here, with James since before the Hols. You’re obviously enjoying his company, you even laugh at his really awful jokes-”

“Okay, that one about the witch winning the lottery was funny!” 

Marlene quirked an eyebrow. “‘ _ She went Knuts _ ’? I’ve got a two year old cousin with wittier punchlines, Lils. And she puts knuts up her nose.” Her expression softened and she smiled. “It’s alright to like his corny jokes, Lily. It’s alright to like  _ him _ . I just think it may be time that you actually go ahead and put a name to what the two of you are doing, don’t you?”

Lily whined in frustration and kicked her legs in a tiny fit. “Why? I hate labeling things.” 

“Well, because maybe if you were James Potter’s girlfriend you wouldn’t have to run up here and throw a little tantrum over the fact that he didn’t see it as important to inform you of what his plans were for after graduation. Because _ maybe _ , if you were James Potter’s  _ girlfriend _ he would have told you in the first place, because that’s the sort of thing that people in relationships ought to share with each other.” 

Lily grumbled and pulled herself into a sitting position with her arms wrapped around her knees. She scowled at Marlene. “Stop referring to me as ‘James Potter’s Girlfriend’ like that...” 

Marlene shrugged. “Why? Would you prefer it if someone else was James Potter’s girlfriend?” 

“ _ No _ !” 

Marlene smirked. “Hate to break it to you sweetheart. That makes you James Potter’s  _ giiiiiirlfriend _ .” 

Lily thwacked her with the pillow again. 

-

“You know what I’d like?” James asked casually, stepping out from behind a suit of armor in an otherwise empty, dark corridor and causing Remus to nearly jump right out of his skin. 

“ _ Bloody _ -! For the love of Merlin’s knickers, Prongs!” Remus gasped, eyes doubled in size and clutching at his chest. “Are you trying to give a bloke a heart attack?” 

James frowned thoughtfully at him. “Y’know, you can be awfully twitchy sometimes for a werewolf, Moony.” Remus glared at him, but James ignored that and threw his arm over his friend’s shoulders. It was quite late, coming up on the end of Remus’ prefect rounds and James had figured it was the best time to get him alone. “Anyway, as I was saying, you know what I would really,  _ really _ like?” 

Remus sighed and shook his head. “I dunno, James. Er...That new racing broom? The Thunderbolt VII?” 

James scoffed. “What?  _ No _ . That thing’s utter shit, Moony. The new Silver Arrow is what everyone should be flying! However, that’s not what I’m talking about. What I would like, more than anything in the bloody world, is to go one bloody year without one of yours and Padfoot’s highly dramatic, earth shattering domestic quarrels. It gives me anxiety, you see, wondering if you two are going to break up _ again _ and then Pete and I have to take sides and talk sense into you both  _ again _ and then you inevitably have annoyingly loud make up sex  _ again _ -” 

Remus growled and shrugged James’ arm off of his shoulders. “We aren’t breaking up, Prongs. Remember,” He pointed to himself. “Werewolf? Mating forever? It was a whole bloody ordeal for the better part of last year?” 

James snorted and crossed his arms. “Oh, I remember, alright. And that’s exactly why I don’t understand why you’re being such a git about the whole flat thing.”

“James-” 

“Look, Moony, I understand that you’re worried about what you’re going to do after we graduate,” James sympathized, reaching out to put his hand on Remus’ shoulder and watching as Remus’ irritated expression dissolved into something more akin to anxious or even shame. “And you have every right to be worried. I mean, we’re all a little worried about what’s going to happen once we’re out in the real world, aren’t we? We’re in the middle of a war. None of our futures are set in stone no matter how much money we have locked in Gringotts or who’s lined up for the best jobs or any of that. The truth is, you don’t even know for a fact that you won’t be able to get a job, you’re just assuming the worst-” 

“I’d rather assume the worst than get my hopes up and be let down.” Remus muttered defensively, wrapping his arms around himself and avoiding meeting James’ eyes. 

“Alright, yeah, sure.” James nodded. “That’s totally understandable, but look at it this way, you can either be let down and then come home to your boyfriend and your mates who all love you and can pick you back up again, or you can be let down and then...I dunno...live in a box somewhere, is what I reckon you’ve been planning?” 

Remus scowled at him. He ran a hand through his hair and huffed, growing more frustrated. “ _ No _ , that’s not what I-! It’s just-... _ ugh _ , Prongs, I don’t want to spend my whole bloody life being someone else’s responsibility, alright? That’s why I’m not moving back with my dad, either.” 

“Well, I’ve got news for you, mate. If you end up dying in the streets somewhere because you refused to accept any damn help, Sirius is going to feel pretty fucking responsible. And so will I, for that matter.” 

Remus’ eyes narrowed and James could tell without question that he was using every ounce of self control to remain calm. He could practically see Remus counting slowly in his head as he took a deep breath in and then exhaled. “James-” 

James held up both of his hands. “Just think about it a little more clearly, will you? For once in your life stop letting yourself believe you’re some sort of burden on everyone around you and accept that you’ve got a family - a pack- that needs you with them. You’re worth a lot more than the cost of bloody groceries, Moony.” 

Remus’s yellow tinged eyes bore irritably into his own for a moment before he sighed and slumped his shoulders in defeat. “Fine. I’ll move into the bloody flat with you lot.” 

James grinned, once again slinging his arm around the werewolf’s shoulders and pulling him tightly against his side as they started walking again down the corridor. “Brilliant! That’s what I like to hear! And I’ll even pretend that you didn’t make it sound like living with us was the equivalent to living with a pack of wild animals or something.” 

“Clearly you’ve never had to get Padfoot’s fur out of your bedsheets.” 

-

 

The envelope in Lily’s hands felt  as though it wasn’t real at all. 

It was a perfectly ordinary envelope, though formal in all of its simplicity, made of thick white parchment. The type of envelope that contained something of importance. The surreal part was the familiar, elegant script across the front addressing it to her,  _ Miss Lily Evans _ . 

Lily had traced over the neatly flowing letters with the tip of her finger countless times since her owl, Titania, had dropped it into her lap that very morning, but she hadn’t dared to open it. 

“Wuzzat?” Marlene asked, peering over her shoulder curiously and spraying bits of toast everywhere. 

Lily jerked away, protecting the pristine white envelope from Marlene’s projectile breakfast. “Nothing. It’s...it’s from home.” 

Marlene’s eyes went wide and she swallowed her mouthful of toast. “Is it from the wretch of a sister!? Open it!” 

That had made everyone else turn their attention to Lily as well and she blushed and bit her lip, running her fingers along the edge of the envelope. Maybe she should just get it over with-

“Godric’s balls McKnickers, would you back the hell off?” Sirius interjected loudly across the table. “Not all of us enjoy bringing our family business to the breakfast table, yeah? Evans, take my advice, run that bloody thing out to the loo and flush it before it explodes and you end up with warts on your palms.” 

Marlene rolled her eyes. “Shut up, dickhead. Lily’s sister isn’t sending her cursed mail like your bint of a mum.”

“I’m sure muggles have a similarly nasty tradition of sending hate mail.” Said Sirius defensive, eyeing the envelope with the utmost distrust. “Anyway, point is, open it at your own risk, Red. And not until your ready...assuming it won’t explode.” 

Lily smiled weakly, slipping the envelope into her robes. “Thanks, Sirius.” 

 

She had kept it there all day, and even though Marlene was right and Petunia had no possible way of cursing the letter, it did feel as though it was burning a hole right through her robes.

The common room was quiet for a Friday evening, with only a few students studying for their upcoming OWLs and NEWTs. Lily supposed it was due to the first night of decent weather, surprisingly warm for so early in March. Marlene and Dorcas had caught a premature case of spring fever and had disappeared on some sort of romantic night time ride on Dorcas’ broom, Mary had gone with a small group of students from Dueling Club for some extra practice with Professor Furgal and the boys had all snuck out in celebration of Remus’ birthday, which actually wasn’t until the following morning. This left Lily alone, curled up in the overstuffed chair by the fireplace, staring down at the stark white envelope with her sister’s perfectly simple, elegant handwriting. 

“Bullocks.” She muttered under her breath. It was silly to put it off any longer. She was already quite sure she knew what the envelope contained anyway, she was just still rather surprised it had come to her at all. With a heavy sigh and mildly shaking hands, she tore the pristine paper open, freeing the card from inside. 

The card was just as tastefully simple, yet traditionally decorative as the envelope was. White, with some lace around the border and an illustration of golden bells and silver doves.

****

 

**_Mr. and Mrs. Evans request the honor of your presence_ **

**_to witness the marriage of their daughter_ **

**_Miss Petunia Evans_ **

**_and_ **

**_Mr. Vernon Dursley._ **

 

Lily’s heart swelled in her chest and a wave of different emotions swept through her. She was happy for her sister, of course. Wasn’t she? This had been what Petunia had wanted for quite some time after all, wasn’t it? But still, something was nagging at her in the back of her mind. She looked at the date of the event.

**_7/14/1978._ **

That wasn’t so far off. Only about four months away. Knowing Petunia, she wouldn’t be the type to just throw a Wedding carelessly together at the last minute. She would have wanted time to go over every little detail with meticulous care, making sure that every final detail was absolutely perfect with no chance of mishap or mistake. Lily wondered how many months had gone by with her sister betrothed and her not knowing. Furthermore, and she was sure she already knew the answer to this, but she couldn’t help but wonder if she herself was going to be allowed to participate in her sister’s special day. 

Two other slips of paper fell from the envelope. One was an RSVP, informing her that she was allowed one guest and to return with her response as soon as possible, and the other looked like a hastily written note.

 

_ Lily, _

_ As you can see, while you’ve been away at that silly school, everyone else’s lives have continued on without you just as they always have and you have once again missed out on important, NORMAL, family milestones. _

_ Mummy tried to insist that I include you as one of my bridesmaids, but I told her that I wouldn’t risk you ruining my day with your freaky little tricks.  _

_ It if were completely up to me, I wouldn’t have invited you at all, but Mummy and Daddy said that since they are the ones who are paying for it, they get to decide, but they can’t force me to allow you to stand up there with me, where you don’t belong.  _

_ You’ve been allowed a date. Try not to embarrass me. _

__  The Future Mrs. Petunia Dursley   _ _

 

 

Well, that answered that question. 

Lily’s chest tightened painfully and tears stung at her eyes. She couldn’t imagine what she had done to make Petunia hate her to this extent. Crumpling up the note in her hand, she considered perhaps responding with a ‘No’. As Petunia had so nicely pointed out, she had already been missing from so many family milestones, what hard could it do to miss out on this one as well? 

She squeezed the balled up paper in her fist, the familiar tingling of magic making its way down her arm and she took in a breath, willing herself not to cry. 

In her distracted state, she didn’t even notice that someone had perched themselves on the arm of her chair.

“Sickle for your thoughts, Evans?” James’ voice was gentle enough that she didn’t jump, but she gasped and opened her eyes, blinking at him through the wetness. He was looking at her, smiling in that dopey, crooked sort of way, but his eyes were full of concern. He nodded to the card in her lap. “So is that from the infamous sister, then?” 

She nodded. “Yeah.” She quickly dabbed at her eyes with the cuff of her sweater. Her grip on the note in her fist tightened and she tried to hide it behind her back, not wanting James to see the letter and the hurtful words her sister had sent. “Where’s everyone else?”

James shrugged. “Pete’s on his way back up, but I think Sirius may have dragged Remus off on a pre-birthday detour…” He frowned skeptically at her. “No warts, I assume?” He reached for her arm despite her protests, his large hand closing gently around her wrist and bringing her hand up for him to inspect. With a sigh of defeat, Lily opened her hand and was only mildly surprised to see that crumpled letter had turned to yellow rose petals in her grasp. 

James cocked his head to the side. “Hm. Certainly not warts, then.” 

Lily forced a laugh. “No. No warts. You can tell Sirius it’s all clear.” 

“He’ll be pleased to know.” James smirked at her, then glanced back down at the invitation in her lap. “So what’s it say? Don’t worry, I’m an expert at all this family drama after dealing with Sirius for so long.” 

Lily smiled and shook her head. “It’s a Wedding invitation, actually.” She picked up the card to show him. “My sister is getting married in July.” 

“Oh.” Said James, nodding casually. “Well that’s fun, yeah? Drinking, dancing and all that...that is, if Muggle weddings are anything like Wizard Weddings. How’s the bloke?” 

Lily cringed, her nose wrinkling in disgust before she could think to stop herself and James laughed loudly. 

“That bad, eh?” 

Lily sighed, slumping back in the chair. “Well I’ve only met him a handful of times and…” She trailed off, biting her lip.

James snickered, bouncing excitedly. “Let it out, Evans, I know you want to. What’s he like? Does he have a rotten smell or something?” 

Letting out a great gust of air, Lily groaned. “Merlin, he’s just so incredibly  _ boring _ !” She glanced up to meet James’ eyes and a grin broke out on her own face. She sat up a little straighter. “He’s never got a single interesting thing to say. He works selling drills, you see- Oh, er, those are muggle tools, that...well, it doesn’t matter, they’re dull - and it’s the only thing he ever sees fit to talk about. I’ve never once heard him even pay my sister a compliment, and if you ask me he should be kissing the bloody ground she walks on because she’s much better than he should have. He’s quite rude and overly pretentious for someone so utterly bland,  _ and  _ he looks like a walrus!” 

James raised an amused eyebrow at her outburst, still chuckling to himself. “A walrus? Like the sea animal?” 

Lily nodded vigorously. “Fat and mustached!” 

They both broke into peels of laughter and Lily imagined her sister, all done up in a pretty white gown, walking down the aisle with a blubbery, wet walrus. She caught her breath, sobering up. “Anyway,” She sighed. “I...I was thinking about just...not going.” She picked up the RSVP slip and eyed it warily. “But...well, you see, I’m allowed a date. So I thought maybe it might be a good opportunity to, er, introduce my family to my boyfriend.” She met his slightly stunned eyes again and she licked her lips. “That is, of course, if my...boyfriend...wants to come with me?” 

A slow, triumphant smile crept across James’ lips and Lily held her breath, waiting.

“Yeah,” Said James. “I’d be happy to accompany my...girlfriend.” his lips tugged up further. Then he frowned suspiciously at her. “Wait, that is me that you’re referring to as your boyfriend, right?” 

Lily laughed. “Yes, James. You’re my boyfriend.” 

James grinned. “Wicked.” 

-

Remus squirmed pleasurably, squeezing his eyes shut tight in hopes that he could hang onto the absolutely wonderful dream he was having.  _ Hot and wet and tight and sucking _ . “ _ Sirius! _ ” He gasped, his hips bucking up. 

That wonderful, wet pressure around him was suddenly gone and he heard Sirius chuckle, soft and deep and husky. “Happy birthday, Moony.” 

Remus blinked rapidly, slowly becoming aware that it hadn’t been a dream at all as Sirius lowered his mouth back onto the hard flesh. “ _ Fuck _ …” Remus sighed, letting his head fall back against the pillows and tangling his fingers in the soft, dark hair that was bobbing slowly between his legs. “Feels good, Pads…” 

Sirius hummed proudly and increased the suction, wrapping his fingers around what he couldn’t fit into his mouth and within seconds Remus was biting his lip, whimpering and tightening his grasp on Sirius’ hair, holding him in place until he was sure his body was spent and his boyfriend had swallowed it all. 

Remus released Sirius’ hair, feeling boneless as he laid on the bed moaning softly as Sirius gave him a final lick, then kissed his thighs, his stomach, up his chest and finally the tip of his nose. “Happy Birthday.” He said again, grinning down at him, his hair forming a dark curtain around them. 

Remus smiled, sated and still sleepy, and he tilted his head up to capture the other man’s lips. “Mmm...thank you. That was quite a way to be woken up on my birthday.” 

Sirius hummed affirmatively against his lips, then kissed a slow path along his jaw. “Could wake you up like this every morning, you know. Once we have our very own bedroom with actual walls and a door between us and James and Pete…”

Remus groaned and shoved his boyfriend off, rolling onto his side to face him. “Sirius,” 

Sirius pouted, displaying his well practiced puppy eyes. “C’mon Moony, you know how much I love taking care of you.”

Remus scoffed. “Right. So that’d make me your bloody pet werewolf, then. Live in your flat and just be petted and cuddled and just...exist. Contributing nothing.” 

“If you really want to contribute something you could cook and clean and all that.” Said Sirius, trailing his fingertips up and down Remus’ bare chest. “Prongs and I are completely useless in a kitchen and Wormy’s a packrat. We need someone to keep things in some order.”

“Yes, I’m sure I’d make you a very agreeable housewife, Padfoot.” Remus huffed and sat up, scrubbing his hands over his face. He felt Sirius shift, coming up behind him and resting his forehead against Remus’ bare back. Lips pressed again and again to the back of his neck. 

“You’re being bloody stubborn.” Sirius muttered against his skin. “I’m not going to give up, you know. I promised your mum-” 

Remus shuddered. “I know.” 

Sirius’ arms slid around him from behind. “Moony-” 

Remus sighed and leaned back against Sirius’ chest. “I’m sorry, Sirius. I just...my parents both sacrificed their entire lives to taking care of me and I’m having a little bit of trouble accepting that I’m basically going from their problem to yours-”

“Remus Lupin, you are not my ‘problem’, you’re everything but that!” He crawled across the mattress so that he was sitting in front of the werewolf now and he took Remus’ hands in his own. “Remus Lupin, love of my life, my moon, my mate. Please, move into my stupid flat with me and Prongs and Wormtail? You can contribute whatever you want whenever you can or you don’t have to contribute anything at all, it doesn’t matter. Do it for me, Moony. Do it because...because this is the only family that I know. Me, you, James and Pete. I’m not ready for that to stop yet, Remus. Not when we’re going out there and there’s this war happening. Do it so I can have every fucking minute with you that I can in case-”

Remus licked his lips. _ In case _ …

“Yes.” He nodded. 

“Because we just don’t know anything, Remus. We don’t. And we’re supposed to be there for each other, all of us, so-”

“Padfoot, Yes.” 

“I know you don’t feel like it will be fair and you’ve got nothing to contribute, but you’ll be contributing the same thing you always have been. It’s you, Remus, and that’s more important than-mmf!” 

Remus shut him up by pressing their lips firmly together. “For Merlin’s sake, Padfoot…” He chuckled, shaking his head. “I said yes.” 

Sirius’ eyes widened and he grinned. “Yes?” 

“Ye- _ oof _ !” Remus gasped, finding himself tackled and pinned down to the mattress and he laughed while Sirius planted kisses all over his face. 

Sirius groped around under his pillow, pulling out his wand and removing the silencing spell on the bed. “PRONGS! MOONY SAID YES!” 

James and Peter both made enthusiastic sounds of joy.

“You think that’s something?” James’ voice announced. “LILY EVANS CALLED ME HER BOYFRIEND! LILY EVANS IS MY BLOODY GIRLFRIEND!” 

“What are we waiting for, mates?” Said Sirius, ripping aside the bed curtains and making Remus scramble to pull the sheets up over his naked body. “We’ve got celebrating to do!” 

Peter and James groaned and shielded their eyes. 

“Godric’s balls, Pads! Put some clothes on!” Peter pleaded desperately. “Moony, would you please keep that particular birthday gift to yourself?” 

Remus snickered, grabbing Sirius around the waist and pulling him back, throwing a pillow across his lap. “With pleasure.”


	96. The Legacy - Year Seven

“The Ministry is in a panic, Albus.” Growled Moody, throwing a copy of the Daily Prophet down onto the Headmaster’s desk. The photograph of Fenrir Greyback glowered hungrily at them on the front page, flashing viciously sharp teeth and laughing. “He’s building up his support where he knows we can’t even get a word in edgewise.” 

Dumbledore frowned thoughtfully, picking up the newspaper with a heavy sigh. “Can’t we?” He asked. “Have we tried? If you ask me, the ministry is making it easier and easier for him to look like a savior in comparison with all of these legislations and restrictions they are trying to pass against non-humans. Have we even tried to reason with them or gain their trust?” 

Both of Moody’s eyes rolled and he laughed sharply. “Hardly. You know the Ministry isn’t going to send anyone out to play nice with that sort, and they aren’t anymore willing to listen to us if we did. They have no reason to trust Wizard-kind.” 

Dumbledore nodded solemnly. “No, you’re certainly right. They don’t.” He folded the paper and place it back down on his desk. He peered at the Auror over the rim of his glasses, his eyes holding a very specific glint that usually meant a seed of an idea had been planted. “However, they may be more receptive to one of their own.” 

-

 

“Remus... _ psst _ , Remus!  _ Wake up _ !” 

Remus jolted awake with a start when Sirius elbowed him in the rib, his head on his arms and drooling on his History of Magic notes. “Huh?” He blinked as Sirius, James and Peter all snickered. Binns’ class was hard enough to stay awake in on any given day, let alone so soon after the full when he was still exhausted and his mind was still clouded. “Shit, did I miss anything? Will it be on our NEWTs?” He scrambled to sit up, straightening out his robes and craning his neck to peek at his boyfriend’s parchment. “Let me see what you’ve written.” He grabbed the parchment and frowned. There was nothing ‘noteworthy’ about what the other boy had written at all. Just crudely drawn doodles. Sirius and James’ giggling grew louder and Remus scowled and shoved the parchment back in front of Sirius. “Honestly Padfoot, with all the time you spend up close and personal with that particular male organ, you’d think your art skills would at least reflect as much.” 

James and Peter both ‘ooooo’d teasingly and Sirius shrugged, leaning back and tilting his chair on its hind legs. “Guess you’ll need to refresh my memory, Moons.” 

Normally Remus would have laughed. He may have even shut his boyfriend up with a carefully placed hand roaming up the other boy’s thigh and a promise of later whispered into his ear. However, now was not the time. Their NEWT exams were just around the corner and Remus needed nearly perfect scores in all of his subjects if he was ever going to stand a chance outside the walls of Hogwarts. “Pete, let me see your notes.” He muttered hurriedly. There was a tap on his shoulder and he turned, grateful to see Lily smiling at him.

“Here, have mine.” She whispered and he felt his whole body relax as he took the offered scroll from her. 

 

“Thanks, Lily.” 

 

It was only early April and already Remus was in full study mode. Any time not spent in classes or sleeping - and even then, Sirius, James and Peter had to practically drag him up to the dorm to bed - he was in the library with his nose in a book, revising his notes and quizing himself. He had even managed to convince some Professors to give him extra assignments and allow him to sit in on remedial classes. 

“Alright, that’s it. Emergency Marauder Meeting.” James announced one evening when he walked into the common room and found the werewolf surrounded by what looked almost like a fortress of books. He picked up one heavy, leather bound book from one of the piles, his brow furrowing. “Moony, you aren’t even taking Xylomancy, what on earth do you need this for?”    

Remus frowned indignantly and made a grab for the book, but James held it out of reach. “It’s just in case! There could be useful information that I may need on the test-!” 

Sirius shook his head. “No one takes Xylomancy, prat. It’s a dying art. And I use the term ‘art’ loosely.” He sighed and carefully stepped over a smaller stack of books, bending down and grabbing Remus under his arms to haul him up, ignoring his mate’s protests. “Remus, that’s quite enough studying for today. Come on now, Marauder meeting in the dormroom-” 

“Sirius, stop!” Remus practically whined, squirming to break free of his boyfriend’s grasp. “I  _ have _ to study! Exams are-” 

“A month and a half away, Moony.” Sirius said sternly, holding Remus’ gaze. _ Stop _ . 

Remus stopped struggling and stood upright on his own, looking at Sirius, James and Peter apologetically. “Sorry…” He muttered. “It’s just-” 

“We know, Moony.” Said James with an understanding smile. “But cramming like this this early on is going to drive you spare.” 

Remus chewed on his bottom lip for a moment before he nodded. He knew that they were right, of course, but he couldn’t help it. Every minute spent not revising, reviewing or rereading felt like a waste, like he was flushing any possible future down the toilet. Regardless, he allowed himself to be lead up the stairs to the dorm room where he sat, cross legged on the edge of his bed while James closed and locked the door behind them.

Before anyone could speak, Remus sighed heavily and raised his hands in surrender. “Alright, I get it, I’ve gone overboard with the studying. I’ll return the books on Xylomancy and ghoul studies-” 

“‘ _ Ghoul Studies _ ’?” Peter repeated, raising a questioning eyebrow at Sirius, who just shrugged. 

“-and I’ll try to cut it down to just two hours a night in the library.” Remus continued. “But I don’t need an intervention or anything, so-” 

James snorted. “This isn’t an intervention, Moony. Don’t worry.” 

“Is it not?” Sirius asked, looking almost disappointed. “I wrote a whole concerned letter, though. Here,” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a neatly folded piece of parchment which he then opened, clearing his throat. “My Dearest Moonbeam-” 

James rolled his eyes, but he chose to ignore Sirius. “It’s not an intervention. I wanted to talk about graduation-” 

“It hurts me to see you with your pretty face buried in those books all day, when it could be buried in my-” 

“And about the Legacy of the Marauders that we have, admittedly, allowed to fall to the wayside this past year.” James went on.

“It makes me feel neglected, my sweet Moonpie, that you would rather spend your time studying the anatomy of a Gytrash when I have a perfectly lovely anatomy you could study all night long-” 

“A prank, then?” Said Remus, and he couldn’t deny that the idea of planning a good prank made him perk up a bit. Maybe he really was working too hard. 

“Exactly, Mr. Moony!” James confirmed with a bright grin. “Our time here is almost up and we have to leave our mark.” 

“-I know that your grades are important, my most darling Moonikins, but you must remember that I’m important too, and as much as you need that great big O on your transcript, I need your great big-” 

“Sirius, that is enough!” Remus scolded, ripping the parchment from his boyfriend’s hand.

Sirius pouted. “What? I was going to say I needed your great big heart, Moony! I need your heart to be focused more on  _ me _ .” Remus raised an eyebrow at him and he smirked. “Alright, and there was something in there about your-” 

Peter flicked his wand towards Sirius. “ _ Silencio _ .” He looked back at James. “You were saying?” 

James snickered as Sirius threw a rude gesture in Peter’s direction. “Good one, Pete. Anyway, so I was thinking that we can’t just leave Hogwarts letting people believe that we, The Greatest Pranksters to Ever Grace These Corridors, had somehow reformed and become swotty, well behaved and examplory-” 

“Says the Head Boy to the Prefect.” Peter mumbled smartly, smirking at both James and Remus. 

James waved his hand dismissively. “Those titles are unimportant. Forgettable.  _ We _ ,” he gestured to the four of them. “Aren’t going to be forgotten, lads. We’re Marauders. That’s what this school is going to remember.” He glanced over at Sirius and rolled his eyes at the silently pleading look on his best friend’s face. “For fuck’s sake... _ Finite Incantartem _ .” 

Sirius gasped dramatically, as if the silencing charm had been preventing him from taking in oxygen. “James Potter, you’re a hero!” 

Remus snorted. “Arguable.” 

Sirius ignored the comment. “So, you’re saying we should start planning our grand finale?” He surmised, grinning wickedly as the gears in his head began to turn, ideas already rushing in and out of his mind. 

“Well, yes.” Said James. “But not just that. I’m saying we plan a whole bunch of little ones leading up to it from now until Graduation. Like once a week, if we can manage.” 

Sirius beamed at him. “Brilliant.” 

“‘ _ Once a week _ ’?” Remus repeated, looking between James and Sirius with a pained expression. “But, exams-” 

“Remus John Lupin if you talk about studying during this, Our Sacred Marauders Meeting Time, so help me I will let Sirius continue his Intervention letter.” James threatened, his eyes narrowed and quite serious. 

Remus huffed. “I’m only saying that between plotting and preparing and execution, not to mention the possibility of being caught and getting detention, it’s very time consuming and I-” He stopped himself, catching the death glares from all three of his friends and he sighed. “Yes, alright, fine.” 

“Excellent!” James said excitedly, clapping his hands together.  “Good form, Moony. Way to be a team player. Now, does anyone have any ideas?” 

It did feel good, Remus decided as they all sat in a circle on the floor with the map laid out in the middle, laughing and throwing ideas back and forth as they had done hundreds of times over the last seven years, to forget that soon there would be no dorm room Marauder Meetings, no pranks to pull and no school pull them on. It felt good to pretend that this moment, and the ones that had come before it, would go on forever with all of them sharing a pile of their combined stashes of Honeydukes’ sweets and predicting what Snivellus’ face would look like when he was covered in red and gold glitter at the breakfast table the following morning. They could stay like this forever and never join the outside world and the war that would force them to grow up too soon. 

And in the morning when Red and Gold glitter rained down on everyone but the four students sitting with charmed umbrellas coming from the tip of their wands and Lily narrowed her eyes accusingly at them, Remus felt good when he feigned his well practiced look of innocence, shrugged and said “Don’t look at me, I’m a Prefect.” 

 

-

 

The following weeks were filled with what they all had to admit was some of The Marauders’ best work. They had charmed the main staircase in the castle to play musical notes when stepped on, unless it was a Slytherin in which case they emitted loud fart noises. They charmed the chairs at the teachers’ table in the Great Hall to gradually rise and sink at random, which was exceptionally hilarious when Professor Flitwick all but disappeared from view and Slughorn rose so high he nearly toppled over. For Easter they exchanged the candy eggs that were normally passed around to students to charmed ones that made every burp out insults whenever they were called upon in class and James, with help from the others, charmed an entire corridor full of lillies that bloomed when Lily Evans walked through but shot out a sticky gooey substance at anyone who used the term ‘Mudblood’ or spoke about Muggle Borns in a negative way. 

James and Remus had both taken advantage of their posts as Head Boy and Prefect, being able to keep a lookout without seeming suspicious, as well as having permitted access to certain parts of the castle while Sirius and Peter executed most of the finer details. Even so, there were just some things that couldn’t be avoided even with magical maps and positions of authority. 

Occasionally having to run for your life from the caretaker was one of those simply unavoidable things. 

“I cannot afford detention! I will bloody kill all of you and make it look like an accident!” Remus hissed as they sprinted around the corner and dove into a small dark alcove that was just barely deep enough to fit the four of them. 

Sirius leaned back against the wall, panting heavily. “Shit, I’m out of shape. I haven’t run like that in ages…”

“Well the weather’s nicer. We can find a nice stick out by the forest and have a good game of fetch, eh? Get your exercise in.” James chuckled.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Har Har. Very funny.” He paused. “...wait, like, you promise? What’s the weather tomorrow? I’ve got a free period-” 

“Shhh!” Remus’ eyes were bright even in the dark and he was glaring threateningly at them. “I’m trying to listen!”  They were all silent, straining their ears to see if they could hear Filch’s footsteps approaching. “We may have lost him...Someone check the map.” 

Peter fumbled around his pockets. “...Um…” The fumbling became more frantic and James, Sirius and Remus all turned to stare at Peter, fear starting to rise in all of them. 

“Peter…” Sirius said slowly, his voice tense and gritting his teeth. “Where’s the map?” 

Peter let out a panicked sort of squeak, backing up against the wall. “I...I had it! I had it while we were in the Divination room transfiguring the crystal balls into balloons! I h-had it on the stairs, I even ch-checked after I almost tripped on the disappearing step! I d-don’t-!” 

Sirius rounded on him angrily. “Bloody hell, Wormtail! You had one bloody job-!” 

“Sirius!” Remus snapped. He grabbed Sirius by the arm and pulled him away from Peter. “You’re not helping. It’s not Peter’s fault.” 

“I-I’ll get it back! I’ll find it!” Peter insisted quickly despite Sirius’ obvious irritation, or perhaps because of it. 

“And risk getting caught? Moony will literally eat you during the next full moon, Wormtail!” 

Remus frowned. “Okay, that’s not what I said…” 

James bit his lip, peeking out from behind the wall. “I don’t know, Pete. We left the cloak up in the dorm. This was supposed to be a real quick mission. If you run out there-” 

But Peter shook his head, a tiny knowing smile on his face. “You’re forgetting, I don’t need the cloak to go unseen, mate.” And without another word he transformed and scurried out into the hall. 

It wasn’t very long after waiting anxiously for Peter’s return that a loud, feline  _ YEOWL  _ rang through the silent corridor and they watched in frozen terror as tiny little wormtail, holding the map in his mouth, zipped past the alcove with Mrs. Norris chasing after him, almost literally on his tail.

“Fuck!” 

“Peter!” 

“Shit! What do we do?”

“...I could chase the cat.” 

“Sirius,  _ NO _ !” 

“Please let me fucking chase the cat. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.” 

“ _ SIRIUS, NO _ !” 

_ “Immobulus! _ ” A familiar voice echoed from nearby.

“Shit.” James swore. “That’s Lily!” 

 

-

 

In her experience as both a Prefect and Head Girl, as well as just everyday life at Hogwarts in general, Lily had grown rather accustomed to unusual happenings around the castle. It was hard to be taken off guard when your day was full of ghosts drifting through the wall at random, a poltergeist causing general disarray, portraits that stopped you to ask about the weather and of course the probability of walking right into one of the Marauders’ pranks. 

So when Lily heard the screech of a cat from down the corridor and spun around to witness Mrs. Norris’ frenzied pursuit of what a appeared to be a small rodent (which, lets face it, in such an old castle, there were bound to be rodents running about once in a while) she wouldn’t have thought it very odd at all. What made her think twice, and quickly at that, was that fact that the rodent was carrying a rather large bit of parchment in its mouth.

Purely on instinct, Lily raised her wand and pointed it at the animals. “ _ Immobulus _ !” and it was as if time had been paused completely as both the cat and the rat were frozen, suspended in mid-run. Slowly approaching the pair, Lily knelt down and gave Mrs. Norris a disapproving look.

“Spoilt as you are, you don’t need to be torturing the poor little thing. It’s not as if you’re starving. The castle’s big enough for both of you, you know.” She scolded softly. Obviously it was natural for a cat to chase a rat, but Lily, like most other students, simply didn’t like Mrs. Norris on principal and the poor little rat had probably done nothing to deserve being chased down and eaten by a grumpy old thing like her. She glanced down at the rat and sighed. “And you,” she shook her head. “I don’t know what’s so important about this, but it would be much easier to escape if you weren’t being weighed down by some scrap of parchment that’s three times your size.” She carefully removed said parchment from the rat’s mouth and stood up, brushing the dust off of her knees before taking another look to inspect it. 

Lily frowned, turning it over in her hands and unfolding a few of the flaps. It was very intricately folded for a seemingly blank bit of parchment. Perhaps there was something written in invisible ink? She tapped her wand to it. 

“ _ Aparecium. _ ” 

As she had expected, black inky letters began to surface across the parchment.

**_Who is it that wishes to behold our most prized and brilliant - and top secret - possession?_ **

Lily blinked down at the words for a moment, considering. It didn’t seem hexed or dangerous in any way, but was it really safe to give her name to something she wasn’t familiar with? 

“Er...Lily.” She said, deciding she was more curious than apprehensive. “Lily Evans.” 

There was a long pause in which letters and words seemed to appear and then disappear before they became fully legible. As if the parchment was trying to communicate and then stopping itself before it could. Finally, it settled. 

**_Mr. Prongs presents his utmost compliments to the lovely Miss Evans, and would like to add that she looks quite beautiful this Evening_ **

 

**_Mr. Padfoot thinks that Mr. Prongs is thinking with the wrong head, and isn’t taking into consideration the seriousness of our Greatest Achievement, our Legacy being in the hands of a swot!_ **

 

**_Mr. Moony apologizes for both Mr. Prongs and Mr. Padfoot. Really. He is so, so sorry_ ** .  

 

**_Mr. Padfoot begrudgingly apologizes, even though it’s bloody true, even if the swot happens to be a lovely and kind person._ **

**_Mr. Wormtail would like to thank Miss Evans for finding our map, and wonders if she would be so kind as to help it return to its owners?_ **

 

**_Mr. Padfoot bets his left nut Mr. Wormtail was the one that lost it in the first place._ **

 

**_Mr. Prongs wishes Mr. Padfoot wouldn’t speak like that in front of such a beautiful and wonderful person such as Miss Evans._ **

 

**_Mr. Padfoot thinks Mr. Prongs should check to make sure he isn’t wearing girls’ knickers, because he’s acting like a bitch._ **

 

**_Mr. Moony is so, so very sorry._ **

 

Lily stared, wide eyed and mouth agape as the parchment - or had it said map? - argued with itself. 

_ Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs _ …

“Lily!” 

Lily turned around at the sound of her name and frowned, folding her arms and narrowing her eyes at her boyfriend who had just sprinted around the corner and come to a skidding stop. She held the parchment up with one hand and saw the look of horror settle on James’ face.

“Looking for something?” She quirked an eyebrow at him, then glanced back down at the writing. “...Mr. Prongs?” 

James grimaced and took one cautious step forward. “Er....Look, whatever it said to you...it doesn’t...heh,” He laughed nervously and ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it nervously. “It’s just a joke. It doesn’t mean-” 

Lily tilted her head. “Oh,” She said lightly. “Then I’m not ‘looking quite lovely this evening’?” She smirked as James’ face went red. “James, what the hell is this and why did I have to take it from the mouth of a rat?” 

James chewed anxiously on his bottom lip. “Look, Lily, I can explain.” He took out his wand, tapping it against the parchment in Lily’s hand. “I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good.” 

Lily couldn’t contain the gasp that escaped her as words appeared across the front of it. 

**_Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers are proud to present : THE MARAUDER'S MAP_ **

It was a map after all. A complete and intricately drawn map of the entire layout of the castle with moving staircases and disappearing rooms and tunnels that Lily never knew existed and…

“....It....it knows where we are!” She said, completely dumbfounded as she pointed to two small flags that read _Lily Evans_ and _James Potter_. 

James sighed and nodded. “Mischief Managed.” He muttered, and it was wiped clean, as if nothing had been there at all. “It knows where everyone is. All the time. And it-” He stopped dead, as if he were listening carefully for something and then swore under his breath and dove to the ground, picking up the still immobilized rat and placing the animal in the chest pocket of his shirt. 

“I’ve got you rotten, good for nothing miscreants this time!” Argus Filch grumbled as he too came around the corner. Lily quickly flicked her wand at the frozen cat, which proceeded to run as if it had never been stopped in the first place and she and James both flinched as the feline collided quite heavily with the wall.

Their attention snapped back to the caretaker when Lily found the map being forcefully ripped out of her hands. Filch’s face split into a triumphant, crooked grin. “Now I’ve got you!” He chuckled darkly. “I always knew it. You lot could only run and hide for so long, but I knew I’d catch you one day, Potter!” 

Lily frowned. “Potter and I are Head boy and girl, Mr. Filch. He hasn’t done anything wrong. We’re both making our rounds-” 

“I don’t care if you’re the King and Queen of bloody England!” Filch spat, his beady eyes narrowing as he held up the parchment. “I’ve seen you and your sneaky little friends with this, Potter! I know it’s full of stinking magic for your stupid jokes! I always know when you’re up to something! Let’s go. My office. Both of you!” 

James shot her an apologetic look as they both surrendered and followed the caretaker to his office, a slightly dizzy looking Mrs. Norris following closely behind. 

 

“We’ve already told you Mr. Filch,” James explained, looking defeated and exasperated as he and Lily sat opposite from the old man at his desk. “We weren’t causing any trouble at all. We were on duty, patrolling the halls! That parchment is nothing-” 

“Don’t you lie to me, Potter!” Filch growled. He slammed the blank map onto the table. “I know this is some trick you and your friends use in your little games! You can’t fool me-!”

“You’re right.” Lily quickly interjected. James gave her a horrified look, but she remained perfectly calm. “You’re absolutely right, Mr. Filch. It is a trick. Isn’t that right, James?” 

James looked very much like a deer in headlights, staring at her with his mouth hanging open. “Er...W-well, I-” 

Lily sighed. “Come on now, Potter, you might as well drop the act. Clearly Mr. Filch is too smart for that. It’s just a simple gag after all, isn’t it? Here, I’ll show you.” She took out her own wand, noting the way Filch startled slightly at the sight of it, and tapped the parchment. “Reveal yourself to Mr. Filch.” 

Just as it had before, ink began to appear across the parchment.

 

**_Mr. Moony applauds Mr. Filch’s victory at long last. Our loss may sting us for a bit, but as Mr. Filch’s mundane existence relies heavily on these fleeting moments of triumph over teenagers, one may safely assume his need to win is greater than ours._ **

 

**_Mr. Wormtail is only surprised that Mr. Filch was able to tear himself away from his romantic affair with his cat long enough to catch us._ **

 

**_Mr. Padfoot would like to comment on how shocking it is that Mr. Filch achieves anything at all around here, considering his lack of useful abilities._ **

 

**_Mr. Prongs concurs that Mr. Filch’s presence in this school is laughable, but sends his pity. It must be abysmal being surrounded by Magic when he himself couldn’t pull a rabbit from a hat._ **

 

Lily’s cheeks tinged pink and she bit her lip. James sunk down in his chair. The map had been quite a bit more harsh towards the caretaker than it had been to her. Beady black eyes darted from the insults on the parchment and back up at them and Lily could almost see steam coming from Filch’s ears, rage building. He opened his mouth to shout but Lily spoke first:

“It’s only a trick!” She insisted. “A charmed bit of parchment that insults readers.”

Filch’s face was magenta as he glowered at the two of them and through gritted teeth he hissed “Get. Out.” 

James and Lily both hesitated, exchanging nervous glances.

“OUT!” Shouted Filch, and both of them stood and hurried out of the room with the door slamming behind them. 

They both stood in a stunned silence for a moment. Lily glanced at James, her heart sinking slightly as she saw the hurt flicker across the boy’s face. “I’m sorry, James.” She said quietly. “It...that map must have taken a lot of work-” 

“Don’t.” James muttered gloomily. He sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. “C’mon. Rounds are over anyway. Let’s just get back to the common room....we’ve got a lot to talk about.” 

Lily had never seen James Potter look so truly and utterly defeated before. He walked beside her, shoulders slouched and hands stuffed into his pockets and he didn’t utter a single word until they were standing in front of the Portrait of the Fat Lady. 

_ “Snollygoster.” _

When they stepped into the common room, James let out a sigh of relief to find Sirius and Remus, quite preoccupied and attached at the lips, but safely back in Gryffindor tower. He snorted. “Well it’s good to see you weren’t worried at all.” 

The two boys jumped apart, blushing and looking mildly ashamed. 

“We were worried.” Insisted Remus, straightening his shirt out. 

Sirius nodded. “Yeah mate. We thought for sure Filch was finally going to chain you up in the dungeons like he always said…” He smirked. “But then I started thinking about being chained up and well...all that excitement had be let out somehow.” 

Remus smacked Sirius on the back of the head. “Prat.” 

Lily’s brow furrowed as she looked around the room. “Where’s Peter?” 

Remus and Sirius exchanged anxious looks. 

“He’s not with you?” Remus asked, finally seeming appropriately concerned.

James cleared his throat. “Er...that’s...something we need to talk to you about, Lily. Erm...up in the dorm, maybe.” 

The three boys shared a meaningful look, communicating silently between them and then together they all went upstairs to the boys’ dormitory. 

“Erm...sorry about the mess,” James muttered awkwardly, gesturing towards the laundry and empty sweets wrappers strewn around the place. He nodded to one of the beds, which had a poster of the Puddlemere United team hanging above it and Gryffindor quidditch robes flung carelessly on one of the banisters. “Have a seat Lily.” 

Lily sat on the edge of James’ bed and watched as the three boys all climbed on the one next to it, which Lily assumed was Sirius’ judging by the Bowie poster hanging up and the cartons of cigarettes piled on the table beside it. James glanced over at her sheepishly. “Just...umm...give us a second?” 

Lily nodded slowly, confused but willing to let them do what they had to do as they quickly closed the curtain around Sirius’ bed. 

They hadn’t bothered with a silencing charm and she could hear them whispering but she couldn’t make out what they were saying, except when she briefly heard Sirius’ interjection of 

“Look what happened to the Beatles when they let Yoko Ono get too involved, James!”

Remus scoffed. “That isn’t even what happened you berk! And it’s a totally different situation. Besides, she already knows about...well...me.” 

There was some more whispering and hissed arguments and then finally they all seemed to come to an agreement and the curtain swung back open.

Sirius was giving Lily a heated, skeptical look. “Alright Evans. You are about to be entrusted with top secret, sacred Marauder information that has been carefully and meticulously guarded between only the four of us, which means if anyone else were to ever find out, we would have no choice but to kill you-” 

“Padfoot!” 

Lily blinked slowly. “Er...I can keep a secret.” She looked at Remus. “I’ve kept yours.” 

Remus made a, uneasy face. “It’s a bit different than mine, you see...because if anyone were to find out...well, we could all get in loads of trouble. Legally.” 

“‘We’?” Sirius repeated, quirking an eyebrow at his boyfriend. “You haven’t done anything illegal.” 

Remus sighed and shook his head. “No, but you lot did it to help me and-” 

“It’s not like you forced us-” 

James cleared his throat and stopped the argument before it happened. “Anyway, like this numpty here was trying to say,” James continued, throwing a dirty look at Sirius. “Is that it’s really, _ really  _ important that this stays between you and the four of us.”

“Which is why I have to ask you first,” Said Sirius, standing and crossing the small space between the beds so abruptly that Lily actually jumped and leaned back as he towered over her, his eyes narrowed and his gaze hard. “What exactly are your intentions with my brother?” 

“Sirius-” James protested, but Sirius spoke over him.

“No!” He insisted, glaring over his shoulder at James and then looking back at Lily. “It’s important, because if this is just some little fling she’s having on with you, she shouldn’t be trusted with _ our _ lives! We can obliviate her memory of what she saw tonight and we can all move on like it didn’t even happen!” 

Lily knew that Sirius meant every word of what he was saying. Sirius could be dramatic, everyone knew that. He was ticking time bomb when it came to his emotions and there wasn’t a soul inside the walls of Hogwarts who had not witnessed one of Sirius Black’s infamous fits of unwarranted anger, or been a target of his hostile attitude that seemingly came from nowhere. This wasn’t like that. Sirius was serious. He was fiercely protecting his friends - all of them, not just James - and he would go to any lengths to do so. 

“I understand, Sirius.” Said Lily quietly, meeting his eyes and hoping he could sense how much she meant it. She saw him soften just a bit, the muscle in his jaw twitching. “You can trust me. I’m not going to hurt James, I promise, this...this isn’t just some fling, I-...whatever this is, I swear to you, Sirius, I’ll keep that secret just as well as you all do. Just like I keep Remus’ as well.”

Sirius’ eyes flickered and he finally looked away for a second and licked his lips. “You swear?” 

Lily caught James’ eye over Sirius shoulder and she nodded. “I solemnly swear.”

Sirius’ lips twitched up just a bit and he backed away from her to sit again on the bed next to Remus. James reached into his shirt pocket where Lily had completely forgotten he had put the rat from before. It was no longer under Lily’s immobilizing spell, and it’s whiskers were twitching as he looked up at the boy who was holding him. James sighed heavily and placed the rat on the floor. 

“Alright, Wormy. You can change back.” 

The rat appeared to hesitate, looking up at the three boys on the bed all of whom nodded their approval and then, right before her eyes the rat transformed into Peter Pettigrew. 


	97. The Future Is Grim, So Let's Live in the Now - Year Seven *

Lily’s eyes went wide and she clapped her hands over her mouth to stop herself from screaming. Her eyes darted from Peter to the other three boys who were still sitting on the bed, watching her anxiously.

“H-he...He’s a-a…” She stuttered in shock.

“We all are.” Said James. The he nodded to Remus. “Well, except Remus.”

Lily’s mouth hung open, speechless. She glanced at Sirius and he seemed to take the hint, hopping down off the bed and giving her an awkward smile.

“Heh...we’ve met, actually.” He admit, and before Lily could question what he meant by that, Sirius Black was gone and had been replaced by a large, shaggy black dog. The dog shook out his fur, then trotted across to James’ bed with his tongue lolling out.

“Padfoot, no.” James gave a stern warning just as the dog crouched down, as if to jump. “I’m not sleeping in a nest of your hair. You shed.”

The dog made a dismissive noise in his throat and Lily swore he rolled his eyes. Instead of jumping onto the bed, Sirius-The-Dog sat right in front of her, his tail pounding the floor as he looked at her expectantly.

Remus snorted. “Don’t fall for those eyes, Lily. He’s a dirty little manipulator no matter what form he’s in.” Sirius whined and looked back at Remus indignantly. “Yes, I mean you, Padfoot. Stop begging, you mongrel.”

Lily laughed, still jittering from nerves and unable to allow herself to believe this was real even as she reached out and scratched the dog behind the ear. Remus sighed and shook his head.

“You’ll never be rid of him now, Lily.”

Padfoot was panting happily now, his left hind leg thumping rhythmically.

Lily gasped and looked up at James. “That stray we kept seeing around Hogsmeade that day! That was Sirius!?”

The dog’s body began to shift until it was Sirius kneeling on the ground before her, grinning widely. “You’ve got lovely hands, Evans. Excellent for petting.”

James groaned, shaking his head and narrowing his eyes at his best friend. “You’re lucky you like blokes, mate. Saying shit like that to my girlfriend…”

Still laughing incredulously at what was happening right in front of her, Lily looked over Sirius’ head at James. “So,” She said, expectantly. “What about you, Potter?”

James’ expression changed and he suddenly seemed a little anxious. Lily smirked, raising an eyebrow. “What? Is it something embarrassing? Those nicknames you all use, obviously they’ve got something to do with your animagus forms, right?” She gave him a teasing look. “‘Prongs’, is it? So you’ve got horns. Oh, Potter, are you a goat or something?”

“No!”  James glared. He held his head up, jutting out his chin defiantly in a way that closely resembled Sirius. “I am not a bloody _goat_ , thank you very much-”

Lily pouted with mock concern. “It’s alright Potter, you can tell me if Aberforth ever pet you inappropriately.”

Sirius, Remus and Peter all howled with laughter as James looked absolutely mortified. He huffed, crossing his arms over his chest  and scowling at the three of them. “I’m not embarrassed by my animagus form at all, Lily. It’s just...well...It’s a bit cramped in here for me to transform…” He scratched his head, looking around the room. “I’m not a bloody house pet like these two, you see. I’m a majestic creature of the forest-”

“‘ _Majestic_ ’.” Sirius snorted. “That is until his antlers snag in a low hanging tree branch.”

“Or he loses his footing on a patch of ice and his legs flail about and he crashes down... “ Added Peter, giggling madly at a specific memory.

Remus had been biting his lip to keep from laughing, but could no longer hold back the urge to further humiliate his friend. “Or he sees a bright light and he just freezes on the spot and stares…” He did a strikingly good impression: Eyes wide and mouth slightly open, staring off into space, and then he, Sirius and Peter broke out in peels of laughter again.

“Ha Ha Ha, oh yes, it’s all very funny.” James brooded, eyeing his friends with contempt. “How about that time we had to sneak Padfoot into the Prefects loo to give him a flea bath?”

Sirius’ eyes went wide and he gasped, his hands flying protectively to his hair. “I THOUGHT WE AGREED WE WERE NEVER GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT!”

James chuckled triumphantly. “Oh, sorry. Did I say ‘That _ONE_ time’? Because I seem to remember several flea baths, and another time that you went chasing after what you _thought_ was a cat-”

“ _JAMES_!”

“-Until you cornered it and it lifted it’s tail at you-”

“JAMES POTTER, I SWEAR-”

“He smelled like a skunk for three days.” James finished, ducking out of the way when Sirius lunged at him.

“Alright!” Lily called out, still laughing over the rukkus of the two boys chasing each other around the dorm. Sirius ended it by transforming mid-run and seeking shelter beneath his own bed, leaving James to scowl and mutter swears under his breath. Lily smiled, amused by the whole ordeal. “Come on, Potter, let me see! Otherwise I’ll be forced to believe your some sort of moose or something. Just for a quick second!” She scooted towards the edge of the mattress, looking at him with eager anticipation.

After a moment of serious consideration, the corner of James’ mouth twitched up and he smiled at her, his cheeks going slightly pink at how enthralled his girlfriend was. He moved to the center of the room, giving himself enough space.

Lily held her breath, though she didn’t know why, and watched in silence as the body of James Potter began to change shape until a large, and admittedly majestic, stag stood in his place. Lily’s jaw dropped. “ _Oh_ …”

Whatever she had been expecting, it hadn’t been something so beautiful and regal looking. Before she even knew what she was doing, she slowly stood and walked carefully to the middle of the room, extending a slightly shaking hand as the stag bowed to let her stroke his head.

Lily let out another choked, breathy laugh. “I...I can’t believe you lot managed something like this...it’s really difficult magic!” She frowned, accusingly. “Not to mention dangerous and illegal, going behind the ministry’s back like this!”

“They did it for me.” Remus admitted quietly.

Lily looked back over her shoulder at him questioningly and he licked his lips, rubbing the back of his neck. “They...they did it so they could be with me. So that I wouldn’t be alone during the full moon. They couldn’t help me as humans, but as animals they could keep me company-”

Lily’s eyes doubled in size. “That’s extremely dangerous-!”

“I know.” Remus nodded, looking somewhat ashamed. “I certainly never asked them to do it, but once they had I couldn’t have been more grateful. They keep me from getting hurt and make sure I’m safe.... Mad as they may be for it, they’re...they’re my pack.”

 

Once James changed back they all sat on the floor of the dorm room, each taking turns beguiling Lily with dramatic retellings of adventures they had had over the years, running through the Forbidden Forest on full moon nights or using their animal forms to cause chaos around the school.

“Is that why Hestia Jones spent half of last year believing she was going to die?!” Lily gasped, staring at a proudly grinning Sirius. “Merlin, the poor girl hardly left Hufflepuff common room because she thought the sky may as well fall on her head! She was convinced she had seen The Grim across the lake!”

Sirius snickered and shrugged one shoulder. “Not my fault the poor lass is so superstitious. I didn’t do it on purpose or anything, Pete was throwing a stick for me to fetch and it landed in the lake. Jones just happened to look over while I was getting it.”

“She swore it followed her to classes for a week!” Said Lily.

Sirius smirked. “Alright, that part I did on purpose.”  

Remus rolled his eyes. “You were tracking her on the map every second of every day just to spook her. The poor girl nearly had a heart attack.” He reached into the middle of the circle to pluck a piece of chocolate from the pile. “Speaking of the map, who has it?”

Lily and James’ laughter died and they exchanged anxious glances, the events from earlier in the evening crashing back to their memories.

James’ hand shot up to his hair, ruffling it nervously as he cleared his throat. “Er...Filch has it.”

There was a long, heavy silence where no one spoke or even moved, letting the words sink in, realizing that their pride and glory and probably the greatest achievement they had ever created had finally been snatched away and their hard work had basically been flushed down the drain.

“We can get it back.” Sirius finally spoke up confidently. “We can sneak into the old codger’s office and-”

“How are we supposed to do that without the map, Pads?” Remus sighed.

“We don’t _need_ the map! We know this castle like the back of our bloody hands-!”

Peter shook his head. “It’s not about knowing the castle, it’s about getting into Filch’s office and finding it without being caught. Without the map we can’t track where he or any of the teachers are. It’s too risky.”

“We just need a proper plan-!”

“Pete’s right, Sirius.” James interjected, looking at Sirius sadly. “It’s not worth it, mate. Filch was bloody furious when he took it off me and Lily. He’ll know we’re after it...it’s gone, lads.”

Again they were silent. This time it was almost mournfully so, each of them looking anywhere but each other. Lily’s stomach sank.

“I’m sorry.” She said quietly. “I know you all must have put a lot of work into it. It was really incredible...the details and the securities behind all of it. That was a really powerful piece of magic you lot created. You should be proud of yourselves.”

“Load of good it’ll do now.” Sirius growled angrily, shoving a hand through his hair. “Locked away in a bloody cabinet with contribanned dung bombs and fanged frisbees.” He shook his head and glared across the circle at James. “‘ _Not Worth It_ ’, he says. We worked for years on that damned thing!”

“Sirius, we’ve got eight weeks left of school.” Said James calmly, giving him a stern look. “You said yourself, we know the castle like the back of our hands. It bloody sucks that we’ve lost it, but what good was it going to be to us once we’ve graduated anyway?”

“It was our _legacy_ , mate!” Sirius argued. “Sure, we may have been done with it but...but we could’ve...I don’t know, passed it down to our children or something!”

Remus snorted, quirking an eyebrow at his boyfriend. “Oh, I’m sorry, are you pregnant, Sirius?”

Sirius rolled his eyes and crossed his arms with a huff. “You know what I bloody meant! One of us is bound to spawn a sprog or two at some point, don’t you think?”

Lily laughed and looked at him skeptically. “I’m not sure the world needs a second generation of Marauders.”

“Besides,” Peter added, fidgeting with a candy wrapper in his hands. “I mean...even if any of us ever did have kids, it’ll be over a decade before they get to Hogwarts anyway. So either the map sits around collecting dust with one of us until then, or it sits around in Filch’s office. Who knows? Maybe some new clever pranksters will get their hands on it.”

James smiled and clapped Peter on the shoulder. “I like your optimism, Wormy.”  

“Bloody Filch…” Sirius swore under his breath.

Remus sighed and tugged on Sirius’ arm, pulling him in close to his side and wrapping an arm around him. “Stop sulking, Padfoot. It’s very unbecoming.” He smiled as he pressed a kiss to his grumpy boyfriend’s head.

Lily smirked. “If it makes you feel any better, that map really let Filch have it in the end. I didn’t know a person could turn that shade of red.”

James sighed blissfully. “If only you lads could have seen his face when Map-Wormy accused him of having a romantic affair with his cat.”

A sly grin spread across Peter’s face. “Wicked burn...but probably also true.”

“That really was a brilliant trick.” Lily said, still in awe at the magic that had gone into the whole thing. “Insulting whoever tries to get in like that.”

“One of my better ideas, if I do say so myself.” Remus beamed with pride. “Although it doesn’t always insult the reader, it depends on the reader’s intentions. If someone like Filch-”

“Or some dirty Slytherin-” Sirius interjected, but Remus ignored him.

“-were to get their hands on it, it insults them and refuses to reveal itself to them. However, if it were ever to land in the hands of someone who the map deemed worthy, it may even go as far as to help them figure out the way to open it.”

“Brilliant.” Lily repeated, smiling with admiration. “You four are too smart for your own good, you know…”

All four of them nodded, grinning. “We know.”

 

It got late and eventually they all left the floor in favor of the comfort of beds, continuing to talk and laugh until Peter began to snore, hanging partially off his own four poster and drooling on his arm. Remus rolled his eyes, smiling fondly as he pulled himself free from Sirius’ arms - much to Sirius’ displeasure - and padded across the room to shove the shorter boy fully onto his cot and close the curtains around him.

“Suppose that means we should call it a night?” Said Lily, stifling a yawn herself.

Sirius nodded affirmatively, stretching his arms and legs and then moving to make room for his boyfriend’s return. “You know what they say,” He smirked, nodding towards Peter’s bed.. “It’s all over when the fat kid snores.”

Remus frowned disapprovingly and flicked Sirius on the nose. “Bad dog. Be nice.”

“Ow!” Sirius pouted, rubbing his nose and giving Remus a wounded look. “Such violence, Moony!”

Remus smiled wryly at him as he slid back into bed, throwing his arm over the animagus and pulling him close. “Hmmm. Almost like I’m some sort of aggressive dark creature or something.” He kissed the tip of his boyfriend’s nose before capturing his lips in a kiss that was meant to be just a sweet, loving peck until Sirius sighed happily and they melted into each other, becoming blissfully oblivious to the couple watching from the other bed.

James snorted and shook his head. “Right, because we’re not sitting right here.”

Lily laughed when both Sirius and Remus flipped their middle fingers up at James without detaching their mouths from each other, and Sirius grabbed his wand and flicked it, drawing the curtains around them for privacy.

As their own laughter died, James and Lily shifted on James’ bed, turning onto their sides to face each other, their heads propped up with one hand and James’ other arm draped over Lily’s waist. “Guess we’re alone, then.” Said James, trying to sound casual despite the faint blush that was creeping across his cheeks.

The blush must have been contagious, because Lily’s face suddenly felt quite warm. “Seems that way.”

They had never done something like this before. Sure, they had snuggled up together on the couch in the common room while studying and they had taken advantage of late nights when all of the other Gryffindors were already in bed to have heated snogging sessions by the dying fire, but they had never laid together like this, properly, in a _bed_. A bed where they too could simply close the curtains and forget that the world outside existed.

James’ eyes flickered to the door, then back to Lily. “Er...you’re probably tired. It’s late-”

Lily shrugged one shoulder. “I think the adrenaline from everything tonight hasn’t worn off quite yet.” She eyed him cautiously. “Unless you want me to go-”

“ _No_!” James objected quickly, his eyes wide as he tightened his hold on her waist like a reflex. The flush across his face deepened considerably and he cleared his throat, releasing her for a moment to run his hand through his hair. “Heh. Sorry. I mean...You can stay. Er...you know, if you want to stay, that is. If you want to leave-”

Lily cocked her head to the side and frowned. “Do you want me to stay, Potter?”

A panicked look flashed across James face and he sputtered, unable to form a clear response. Lily burst with laughter at the flustered boy and James groaned and shifted to lie on his back, rubbing his hands over his face and chuckling awkwardly. “You are enjoying making me feel like a bloody idiot, aren’t you?”

Lily snickered and shrugged, moving to lie beside him with her head on his chest. “You don’t need my help feeling like an idiot, I’m sure.” She looked up at him and smiled. “But yes, I am rather enjoying it.” Her hand rested on the boy’s lower abdomen where his t-shirt had rose up slightly exposing his well-toned stomach. She lazily traced along the waistband of his trousers with her finger tips. “I’d like to stay.” She admit quietly.

James let out gust of breath, almost like he had been holding it and waiting for her to say it. A large, warm hand closed around her hip and lips pressed to the top of her head. “I’d like that too.”

James’ free hand felt around the bed for his wand and he flicked it, just as Sirius had, to close the curtains, surrounding them with darkness. They laid there in silence for a long time as Lily continued to absently drag her fingers along James’ stomach and James’ hand found its way under the hem of Lily’s blouse, stroking her side slowly.

Silence had never been so loud, in Lily’s opinion, and it made them both feel tense with the uncertainty of what the other was thinking. It was silly, she thought. This wasn’t any different than those late nights in the common room or hiding out in abandoned classrooms during rounds. Just because they were in a bed didn’t mean they had to be so anxious all of the sudden.

 _You’re a Gryffindor, Lily. Pull yourself together_.

Tilting her head up, she pressed a kiss to James’ jaw, smiling as his day old stubble scraped against her lips. James’ hand came up to cup her chin and then his lips were on hers, warm and soft except the raised scar across the middle of his bottom lip where he had been hit with a quaffle in the previous month’s game against Slytherin. Lily flicked her tongue over it and James let out a soft moan, his own tongue darting out to meet hers and slipping into her mouth.

The familiarity of a good, thorough snog certainly did the trick to release the tension, and soon Lily found herself being gently pressed into the mattress with James’ comfortable weight over her. She hummed encouragingly as he rocked his hips down against hers and one of his hands slid up her thigh, under her skirt while her own hand found its way between their bodies and gently squeezed the pronounced bulge in his jeans and he moaned softly, pressing into her hand.

They hadn’t been completely prude in the few months that they had been dating and this was far from the first time zippers had been pulled down and skirts had been pushed up, but having been confined to cramped storage closets or places where anyone could easily walk in on them, their experience up until now had been rather limited to quick, awkward fumbling with their hands in each other’s underwear or rutting against each other until James, red-faced and muttering apologies, had to stop and hurry off to the showers.

This, however, was the first time that Lily tugged James’ trousers down over his hips, letting him kick them off so that he was straddling her wearing only a pair of cotton boxer shorts. It was the first time that James’ fingers fumbled with the clasp of her skirt and she lifted her hips so he could pull it off, his knuckles brushing against the smooth skin of her legs as he did, making her shiver.

James sat up and pulled his t-shirt over his head, tossing it aside and knocking his glasses askew as he did and Lily laughed, gazing up at him. She sat up as well, reaching to gently remove them from his face and he smiled sheepishly at her. After she placed them on the bedside table, his hands were back on her hips and he pulled her into another kiss. She wound her arms around his neck and pressed closer against him while his hands slid under her blouse, smoothing up her sides and around to her back. James frowned when she pulled away suddenly, but she smiled with reassurance as her own hands began to undo the buttons of her shirt.

“I’m starting to feel a bit overdressed.” She stated matter-of-factly, giving his shirtless body a pointed look.

James stared at her, his pupils blown and his jaw slightly dropped as she popped another button loose. Then he blinked and shook himself. “Wait,” He croaked, and she paused, scared that perhaps she was going too far. Then his hands were brushing her’s away. “Let me…” He muttered. He licked his lips, his eyes flickering back and forth from her own to where more and more of her skin was being revealed as he opened up her blouse until she could shrug it off her shoulders.

Lily had always thought she would feel self conscious in a moment like this, sitting in front of someone wearing nothing but her cotton knickers and bra. It was hard to feel self conscious though, with James Potter looking at her like she was some sort of miracle.

It was even harder to feel self conscious when James Potter, who had always been arrogant and self assured, suddenly blurted out “I’m a virgin!” in a voice nearly an octave higher than natural.

Lily blinked at him, confused and startled by the outburst and the abrupt change of the mood of their little scene. “I...w-what?”

James groaned and pushed both hands through his hair. “I’ve never had sex before! Not...not _really_ ! I mean, you know, I’ve messed around a bit here and there and I’m not a bloody idiot, I know how everything is meant to...to...well, _work_ , obviously, but I’ve never actually had sex because, well, because none of the other birds who came close were _you_ ! And now here you are- _Ah!_ Not that I think we’re going to have sex just because you’re in my bed and, well, almost naked. You can be naked and not have to have sex with me, I mean! I just, well, I wanted...I thought you should know that I haven’t, just in case we do and it’s...I don’t know...awful or something-”  Lily’s uncontrolled laughter cut him off and he frowned. “Well, fuck, Evans! Don’t hold back, or anything.” He scowled and wrapped his arms around himself, looking away from her.

“No!” Lily protested, still giggling madly, her sides beginning to hurt. “No, Potter, please! I’m sorry!” She wiped away tears from the corners of her eyes and took a breath, trying to calm herself. She crawled across the mattress to him, taking his hand in hers. “I’m sorry, James. I wasn’t laughing because you haven’t... _done it_ …” She giggled again and James shot her a wounded look. She grinned and sat up on her knees to kiss his cheek. “I haven’t either, you prat.”

“You haven’t?”

Lily snorted. “Who on earth would I have done it with? Besides, not everyone in the school is as horny as Black and Lupin.”

James gave a shaky laugh and relaxed. “So...er….d-do you want to?”

Lily bit her bottom lip and shrugged, looking up at him through her lashes. “Well, I was enjoying what we were doing. I thought maybe we could just...see where it goes?”

That seemed to be a good enough answer, and they were right back to it, lying back against the pillows with their hands and lips wandering over each other’s bodies. It definitely felt a lot better grinding against each other without the layers of clothing to get in their way and they both lost themselves in the sensations of skin against skin. James’ hand moved slowly, cautiously, from where it was resting on Lily’s thigh until he was cupping her through her slightly damp panties, and when she gave him a quick encouraging nod, he slipped his forefinger beneath the material and stroked between her folds. She gasped and arched up off the bed, and that was the only motivation he needed to continue.

His free hand reached up and under her body, fiddling with the clasp of her bra which, much to Lily’s surprise, he managed to undo and she quickly shucked it off muttering something about  being impressed even while James’ mouth latched itself to her right nipple and she squirmed beneath him.

“Heh,” James huffed a laughed, flicking his tongue across the perky nub. “Sirius stole one of Marlene’s back in third year and we had contests for who could get them off fastest.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Why am I not even the slightest bit surprised?” She smiled and laid back, running her hand through his hair and rolling her hips against his fingers. “Who won?”

“Remus.” Said James, as if it should be obvious.

Lily frowned. “...wait, who was wearing it so you could practice taking it off?”

James paused what he was doing and blushed. “Er….well first we put it on a pillow and then Sirius pointed out that it wasn’t realistic enough, so...we sort of...took turns?”

Lily’s eyebrows shot up. “...I’m sorry I asked…”

To hide his embarrassment, James ducked his head and continued his pleasurable assault on Lily’s breasts while his fingers inside her knickers explored as much as they could, confined as they were by the thin article of clothing.

“ _W-wait,_ ” Said Lily breathlessly. James stopped and looked up at her and she licked her lips, nodding downward. “It...it may be a little easier if you...well, took them off as well…”

James’ expression was equal to that of a small child on Christmas. “Oh, yes, absolutely. Much easier!” He sat back on his heels and hooked his fingers in the waistband of her knickers, glancing up once to make sure it was really alright before sliding them down her legs.

“And,” Lily added quickly, swallowing her anxiety. “Well, it’s hardly fair for me to be the only one completely starkers, isn’t it?”

James blinked at her, then looked down at her tented boxers. He nodded. “Yes. Hardly. You’re right.” It was almost comical as James threw himself onto his back and hurriedly kicked his underwear off.

When he sat back up, time stood absolutely still for a moment as they both stared at each other, taking in the sight for the first time. It felt like they were moving in slow motion as they fell back together onto the bed, moaning into each other’s mouths when James’ erection slid against Lily’s mound at just the right angle to send a spark of pleasure up Lily’s spine.

“ _James_ …” Lily breathed, running her hands down the boy’s muscular back. James only moaned in response, too lost to form a coherent thought. “James…” Lily said again, this time a little more seriously. “James, wait.”

“Huh?” James asked foggily, looking up at her in a lust filled daze.

Lily felt her face go warm and she cleared her throat awkwardly. “Er...have you got... protection?”

If James’ eyes had gotten any bigger, Lily was sure they would pop right out of his skull and he scrambled to the the side of the bed, reaching out of the curtain with such enthusiasm that he toppled right off the cot and fell to the floor with a thud.

“James! Are you alright?”

“Fine! No worries!” She could hear him rummaging through the drawer on his nightstand and finally he re-emerged from behind the curtain, grinning triumphantly and clutching a foil package in his hand. He climbed back up onto the bed, settling between Lily’s legs and he ripped open the foil with his teeth, rolling the condom onto himself.

Lily quirked an eyebrow and smirked. “You and Sirius practice that together too, Potter?”

“That’s not funny.”

“It’s a little funny.”  

Lily’s laughter died the moment she felt him press against her opening and for a brief moment she stopped breathing altogether, her eyes glued to James’ face which was scrunched up in concentration as he slowly pushed in a little. He paused, panting and looking down at her with concern when she let out a soft whimper.

“You alright?” He asked breathlessly. “I...I’m not doing it wrong, am I?”

Lily forced a shaky laugh and shook her head. “I think it’s pretty straight forward, Potter. Just keep going.”

James swallowed hard, beads of sweat starting to form on his brow. “I think…I think it may be easier if you actually breathe a bit, yeah? You’re holding your breath. Relax.”

Lily blew out a gust of air and smiled sheepishly. “Oops.” She took another deep, slow breath and let it out, closing her eyes for a moment and willing her body to relax and as soon as she did, James pushed his hips forward and slid all the way in making her gasp and throw her head back.

James froze like that for a moment. _“Holy shit._ ” He breathed out, awestruck. “Alright, Evans?” He asked, his voice breaking.

“Yes.” She nodded frantically. She opened her eyes, winding her arms around his broad shoulders. “Go on…” She pulled him down into a kiss as they started to move together.

As expected, it didn’t exactly last very long and it was a lot more awkward and fumbling than hot or sexy the way their friends all seemed to go on about sex, but they figured that all of that would come with time and experience. Although it was far from some erotic fantasy and they knew they both had a lot to learn, they agreed that it was utterly perfect as they laid next to each other, sweating and breathless and peaceful.

Until a pillow was launched through the curtain, hitting James square in the face.

“Oy!”

There was cackling coming from the next bed over. “‘ _Use Silencing Charms_!’” Both Sirius and Remus mocked in high pitched, teasing voices as they both laughed hysterically.

James growled and hurtled the pillow back at them, resulting in a loud _‘oof!’_ from Sirius, which only made Remus laugh even harder.

“Payback is a bitch, mates!” James snarked. “I’ve had to listen to you mutts humping each other for 2 years!”

Sirius and Remus were still snickering madly. Lily blushed, but she giggled as well.

“Oy, Evans!” Sirius called.

“Yeah, Sirius?”

“He lied by the way. I did teach him how to properly put on a rubber.”

“SIRIUS BLACK I WILL END YOU!” James shouted. “Muzzle your mutt, Lupin!”

“Not to worry James, he’ll be plenty occupied in a moment. Good night, Lily.”

Lily chuckled and shook her head. “Good night, Remus.”

They heard Remus put a silencing charm up and Lily rolled onto her side to face James, grinning and raising a questioning eyebrow at him. “Sooo-?”

“IT WAS ON A BANANA, ALRIGHT!? I didn’t...he’s such a...Look, I wanted to be prepared!”

Lily laughed and leaned in, kissing him sweetly on the lips. “Shut up, Potter.”  

 

* * *

 

Author's Note: 

 

Hey guys! So I just wanted to take a quick second to say thank you to everyone who has been following this fic and my other work and all of you who have been commenting on almost every chapter and following me on tumblr as well. You guys are amazing! I can't believe how far this fic has come! I mean, 97 Chapters!? These babies are graduating soon!! I can't believe it!   
Any way, I did set up an account called "Buy Me A Coffee", which is a site where you can make small donations to artists and writers and bloggers if you want to help them out and support them. I'm not currently working (long story) so if you like my work and you want to show your support, I would really appreciate it. No pressure though! I love you guys!!   
<https://www.buymeacoffee.com/v1IM4awrs>


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